Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ White Stones in the Moonlight ❯ Author Analysis of White Stones - Part II ( EndNotes )

FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTES II. WHITE STONES AND CANONICAL FUSHIGI YUUGI

Warning: This section contains spoilers for the entire Fushigi Yuugi anime series and OVAs. Other than that, this part is rated PG-13 for content.

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Part I. Circles and Spirals

When I think of "White Stones in the Moonlight," I think of circles...and spirals. Much of the storyline involves apparent circles, the largest being the entire story, which leaves the canon pathway on the night of the Star-Gazing Festival only to circle back to where it left off, just before the arrival of the ship that will take the Suzaku crew to Hokkan. The circle begins in the opening scene of the Prologue, where Tasuki strides late at night through the darkened corridors of the palace on his way to confront Tamahome, and ends in the Epilogue to the series, with Tasuki once again walking the palace corridors late at night eleven days later. The circle motif appears again in Chapter 9, Flight, in which Nuriko walks across the east lawn of the palace, his figure appearing to glow and dance in the sunlight...and ends up with Nuriko once again crossing the east lawn, this time back towards the palace, his figure dancing once more in the rays of the setting sun.

But the circle is a deceptive representation of what really happens in this story. I intended all of the "circles" to be, in reality, "spirals." When viewed from above, a spiral appears to be a complete closed circle...but when viewed from another angle, it's obvious that the "end" of the spiral ends up in a different location from the "beginning" of the spiral. In other words, things are not the same at the end of the spiral as they are in the beginning. Going back to the aforementioned scenes in "Flight," although Nuriko's figure appears to dance across the lawn at the beginning of the chapter, it's a false illusion caused by the shimmering of bright sunlight on his form. In actuality, Nuriko trudges wearily across the lawn, his mind in a state of depression and hopelessness. But at the end of the chapter, the joyous afternoon's outing and the wise reassurances of Chiriko have changed Nuriko's point-of-view to one of hope and optimism, and the dancing of his figure across the lawn is now reality. Nuriko is no longer where he started.

I will go into more detail later about the circles and spirals that are an intrinsic part of White Stones, but right now, here at the beginning, I intend to tackle the most controversial part of "White Stones" --not the rape, not the Tasuki-Miaka relationship--no, it's the "unhappy" ending. I have been gently rebuked (by just a few respectful readers who were honest about feeling emotionally robbed) for everything from being an apparent trickster or manipulator to having no faith in my storyline and running back to canon with my tail between my legs. I've been asked why I "erased," "wiped out," and "shattered" the relationships that I had taken such care to portray. In addition, I may go down in fanfic history as the infamous author who provoked more hatred against the "God of Love" than any other person.

My friend Aikido-chan cautions me against explaining too much, her legitimate stance being that art should stand without explanation. In her words, Art does not apologize! And I agree: I offer no apology here for any part of White Stones. I stand behind every word of every chapter, whether others find it offensive, upsetting or just plain unrealistic. But I'm also too much of a scientist to resist presenting my point of view on the controversial aspects of the story. Art may not explain, but science must justify every claim! So I'll try to let you in on the workings of my mind to shed some light on why the story ended up as it did - and hopefully, I won't destroy too much of the White Stones aura in the process.

As I stated before, the "unhappy" ending had existed from the time I first conceived of this storyline... and it made the writing of each emotional bonding scene, especially those between Tasuki and Miaka, a strangely bittersweet experience. After the positive outpouring of feelings for Chapter 15, Decision, there was such a strong impulse in me (okay, it only lasted about 10 minutes) to throw in the towel and end White Stones there, with the seishi happily bonding in the grass. Why then did I stick with the original ending? It's very simple. It's because I love Fushigi Yuugi. I love the story and the emotions and even though the Miaka-Tamahome thing can get on my nerves (re: Miaka! Tamahome! Miaka! Tamahome!), I respect Yuu Watase's creation and so didn't want to negate the last (and best) two-thirds of her marvelous work. This is no criticism of people who write Alternate Universe fics; certainly, the sequel to "White Stones" is going to cross firmly into AU territory. This is just an explanation of what I was trying to achieve with this particular story. While the driving force behind "White Stones" was my muse holding me in a headlock while it unceasingly played scenes from the White Stones "movie" in my mind, another creative impulse was for me to take this opportunity to patch some "holes" in the anime storyline.

What holes? Well, to start with, some of the unexplained strong feelings between certain of the seishi in the second half of the series. Most of you caught the Mitsukake-Chichiri connection. Yes, when I first saw the Mitsukake death scene (somehow terribly anticlimactic after the Nuriko death scene), the principal thought running through my head when I saw Chichiri explode with grief and rage was, "Well, where did this come from? Those two barely even spoke to one another! Must be because no one else cares that Mitsukake died…"

What about Tasuki's intense grief over Nuriko's death? Yes, the two hung out a little together, and Tasuki certainly was on the receiving end of Nuriko's punches plenty of times...but it was never shown to be the close brotherly relationship that Tamahome and Nuriko shared. (By the way, one wonderfully searing moment in the anime that stands out in my mind: Tamahome's choked sob as Nuriko dies quietly in his arms. And another wonderful moment: his completely understandable and immature anger at Miaka for wanting to give up the mission at that point. Completely realistic on both their parts.) Also at that same point in time: Tasuki crying on Mitsukake's chest.

I'll go into more detail later in these notes about specific tie-ins to the anime, but right now, I want to set one thing straight. I did not "erase" the relationships between the seishi and miko at the end of White Stones - they are still there in each character's subconscious mind. The last part of the final chapter and the epilogue should have made that apparent. The point I wish to make is that the story of White Stones is a spiral, so the characters are NOT the same at the end as they were in the beginning. In my mind, they have been affected and changed deep inside by the events of the forgotten eleven days…but these changes will not show up in the characters until later in the TV series and perhaps until OVA 2.

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Part II. Suzaku, the God of Love?

One of the most important points that I need to clarify is my depiction of Suzaku, the God of Love. I never meant for him and Taiitsukun to seem as heartless as they apparently appeared. In fact, I went to some effort to show Taiitsukun's mixed emotions on the ruling she must enforce. Her compassion, and Suzaku's compassion, for the young seishi and miko had to be suppressed for the sake of the "greater good" of the people of Konan.

The thing to keep in mind is that although the seishi and miko are the people that we love best in Konan, they are not the only citizens of that country. The rest may seem like faceless masses to us...but not to their god. The seishi were born to protect the people of Konan and as such, they are like military personnel. Are you aware that people serving in our military today give up their constitutional rights in order to defend our interests? A military court may pass a death sentence on a soldier for desertion, although that is no reason for execution in civil society. (Updated note 4-24-04: Considering that I first wrote this over a year before our soldiers were sent into active combat, I feel a little twinge of nostalgia and grief at this paragraph) Back to the seishi - they are the soldiers of Suzaku and as such, their own personal interests must come second to the interests of the people of Konan.

So does this mean that I'm so certain that there was no way that the Suzaku seishi could have defeated the Seiryuu seishi with their new-found closeness? No…like Chichiri, I believe that they might have found a way. But I also believe in Suzaku's assessment that the possibility of a favorable outcome was greatly reduced by their changed relationships. As the god of Konan, he was legitimately unwilling to gamble with the fates of the ordinary citizens. Whatever pain and grief his decision may have cost the seishi and miko, he had to rule in favor of the best chances for the greatest number of his people.

Does this mean that I believe that the path of the seishi and miko was completely pre-destined? No - as Chichiri's Girl can tell you, I am fairly firm in my belief that we carve out our own destinies. But I do think that, like in a chess game, the gods (Suzaku and Seiryuu) can look at several possible outcomes of many actions and predict the chances of success of certain strategies. However, the human factor is always a wild card that can change the most carefully executed plan. Furthermore, the priestess herself, being a girl from another world, is the least predictable factor of all. I'm sure that Seiryuu, or at least Nakago, never foresaw that Yui would change her last wish to enable Miaka to summon Suzaku. So, no, I don't think that the "new" seishi/miko relationships were destined to cause the downfall of Konan - but I can understand Suzaku's reluctance to allow a highly risky change to his carefully planned strategy.

Do I think that Taiitsukun and Suzaku meant for Nuriko and the others to die? No, I hope not. I would hate to think of them being quite so cold, whether or not they are inhuman. But like any military commander, they must have been prepared for losses in their ranks - something that the "new" seishi were NOT prepared to accept.

This takes me back to the "unhappy" ending, the strong rejection of which by a few readers made me blink a couple of times. I mean, I just took you back to the story you fell in love with in the first place, didn't I? If Fushigi Yuugi kept everyone alive and well in the original story, would it have taken hold in your hearts and minds as strongly as it did? If you were anything like me, your heart was pounding towards the climax, wondering if anyone besides Miaka would remain alive, and whether Miaka and Tamahome would even end up together.

But let's say that I kept the changed relationships in White Stones and then wrote the sequel starting at the search for the Shinzaho. If I kept to the spirit of Yuu Watase's realistic depiction of the dangers being faced by the Suzaku (and Seiryuu) crew, is it so certain that things would have turned out happily? Here are some possible scenarios that we'll pretend Suzaku and Taiitsukun could have foreseen to a certain extent. What if Hotohori went up onto Mount Black in Hokkan with Nuriko? Is it so certain that he would have killed Ashitare - or would Hotohori have been killed instead of Nuriko? What would that do to Nuriko? Not to mention the resulting political turmoil in Konan, being that Hotohori would not have left an heir. What about the split-up of the seishi in the first place? If Tamahome took Tasuki's place with Mitsukake, and Nuriko and Hotohori went off together, wouldn't that leave Tasuki and Miaka alone together? Probably. And if Tasuki left Miaka in the city square while he went to sniff out information like Tamahome did, wouldn't that leave Miaka to face Ashitare alone, instead of having Nuriko by her side? End of miko equals end of Konan.

What if everyone survived to enter the ice cave of Genbu together? With Nuriko alive, there would be no reason for Miaka to be wearing his bracelets. Remember that it was Nuriko's sacrifice and Miaka's promise to "win" for him that enabled Miaka to overcome the challenge by the Genbu warriors. Could her love for Tasuki enable her to do the same? Maybe...but it sure wasn't her love for Tamahome that helped her in the canon anime. What if Tasuki had crossed over to Tokyo with Miaka? Would Tamahome have been as effective as Tasuki in the war against Kutou, being that he had never had Tasuki's experience with strategic battle planning? And would the Mount Reikaku bandits have appeared like the cavalry to rescue… Tamahome? What about Tasuki in Tokyo? Could he have defeated both Suboshi and Nakago, like Tamahome did? Perhaps...but why would Tamahome's siblings appear in ghost form to restrain Suboshi in order to help Tasuki? What about the death of Tamahome's family? Would his love for his fellow seishi enable him to survive that tragedy? Maybe...but remember, at that point, Tamahome redirects his entire reason for living to his love for Miaka. And so on and so forth. Yes, given a few months or years, I could have rewritten the entire Fushigi Yuugi series...but then, it would be an entirely different series, just starring the characters of Fushigi Yuugi but stripping them of the experiences that made them them.

Does this mean that I never believed in the White Stones relationships, that I somehow saw them as "wrong?" No, no, no - as that same reviewer astutely points out, if I didn't believe in them, how could I expect YOU to believe? Of course, I believed in those relationships; I even can't help thinking of them as "canon." (Egotistical, I guess, but necessary for any author of any story.) It was my belief in the "authenticity" of my story that made me work so hard to fit portions of White Stones in with the canon anime. How did I do that? Read on (if you're not bored to the point of paralysis by now, that is... --;;)

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Part III. White Stones and the canon anime

How do certain portions of White stones fit in with the TV series and OVAs of Fushigi Yuugi? Mostly in small ways... in little details that I added for fun. Taking things chapter by chapter, let's start out with the Tamahome/Tasuki relationship - yes, much deeper much earlier than in the TV series, but that's my recurrent problem throughout "White Stones." It's difficult to keep to earlier levels in relationships when you've seen the entire series. But emotionally, this is a critical relationship that will climax in...OVA 2. I've depicted Tasuki as needing Tamahome to be innocent of the crime of rape; after all, he absolves Tamahome even in the panic-stricken aftermath of the attack. But that doesn't erase the issues of betrayal and abandonment that occurred during the attack. Mitsukake marvels in Chapter 7 over Tasuki seeing past the actual rape, but I see Tasuki as doing that because he needs Tamahome to be his brother. This is the issue that torments Tasuki when he believes that Tamahome deliberately deserted him during the attack. Tasuki cries, "I thought of him as a brother - but I never mattered to him at all!" It's not until Tasuki realizes that Tamahome is suffering terribly over the rape that he is able to face Tamahome again. This is what enables Tasuki to rescue Tamahome from his torment and finally learn that Tamahome does think of him as a brother and never meant to desert him at all.

This close relationship ties into the canon anime in OVA 2, when Tamahome "talks Tasuki down" from his own evil possession. In that scene, Taka speaks of his love for Miaka...and his love for Tasuki and the rest of the seishi, and the sort of man that Tasuki truly is. This is one scene where Taka truly transcends his limitations and shows such maturity and compassion for Tasuki that you can really feel the love between the two. This gets through to Tasuki, even before Miaka's soft lines, causing Tasuki to choose self-destruction over his desire for Miaka. This relationship is also shown in the Taka vs. the false Tamahome scene, when Taka leaves to return to Tokyo alone, believing that he is not Tamahome. Who is it that shouts at him to stay and fight...then screams for him and tries to grab him as he disappears? Tasuki. This level of strong connection between the two was not really clearly depicted in the regular TV series - but it is certainly present in the OVAs, after the two have spent two years apart.

Next, the Tasuki/Miaka relationship... I will deal with this in depth in the next section, Love Triangle. but for right now, I'm only going to tell how my POV fits in with the anime series. It fits in with OVA 2, of course (at least Tasuki's point-of view). That one resuscitation/kiss was enough to get him completely obsessed with Miaka...but what if he had subconscious "White Stones" memories of her belonging to him? ^ ~ Regarding the TV series, Miaka's dive into the ocean off the coast of Hokkan to save Tasuki might have been preceded by her "White Stones" dive into the forest pool to do the same. In addition, I felt a deeper relationship between Tasuki and Miaka was shown in all of the other scenes in the TV series where Tasuki places Miaka's feelings first: his clumsy scolding of Tamahome for Tamahome's harsh insults to Miaka's cooking (inadvertently insulting Miaka's cooking even worse); to his attempted apology with peaches (we can eat them together!) that leads him to shout at Tamahome again over his treatment of Miaka; to his rescue mission (with Tokaki) to the haunted tower... Yeah, the list goes on.

I also filled in some unexplained incidences in the Tasuki/ Nuriko relationship, such as why does Tasuki pick up Nuriko's severed braid at the inn in Hokkan and carry it around with him until he produces it to lay in Nuriko's grave? In the White Stones version, it's because Tasuki subconsciously remembers a joyous summer afternoon in which he plays with Nuriko's braid, wrapping it around his hand as they fly together "between heaven and earth, sunlight and shadow."

There are many Nuriko scenes from White Stones that tie in with the anime. At the end of Chapter 2, Reprise, Nuriko urges Tamahome "not to give up," to believe that somehow they will "win" over this darkness - very similar to his dying speech to Miaka. Chapter 13, Consolation, deals in depth with Nuriko's past, especially in creating a strong emotional reason for Nuriko to grow his hair so long. I did this to increase the emotional impact of Nuriko cutting off his braid in Hokkan. He does this not only because he now accepts himself as a man, but he also sacrifices his closest tie to Kourin's memory so as to spare his brother warriors difficulties due to his being a target for sexual harassment.

As for the Nuriko/ Hotohori relationship in that same chapter - yes, it's true, there is no overt depiction of Hotohori returning Nuriko's love in the canon anime. But why then does Hotohori end up marrying a woman who could be Nuriko's twin? I don't think that it's such a stretch to assume that this shows that Hotohori truly did have feelings for Nuriko, and that he found the closest replacement after Nuriko's death. No offense meant to Houki, of course. Yet in White Stones, Hotohori keeps to his canon destiny, not necessarily defying his ministers' wishes in order to devote his life to Nuriko. In fact, he tells Nuriko the opposite: that he must bow to his people's wishes that he marry and beget an heir. It is Nuriko's vow to stand by him that lets Hotohori know how deeply Nuriko loves him - making Hotohori decide to live in the moment and enjoy Nuriko's love while he can. Miaka is correct in predicting that Hotohori and Nuriko would not necessarily have an easy time of it, even if they both survived. Nuriko would have to accept Hotohori sleeping with a woman and begetting a child, which would bind Hotohori to his wife more than either he or Nuriko realizes…and the wife would have to be the sort of person to accept her husband being in love with someone else. Yes, very complicated, indeed. Lucky Taiitsukun and Suzaku stepped in, huh? ^ ~ Well, maybe not.

But perhaps the greatest connection between White Stones and the FY anime series is my non-canonical depiction of Chichiri's "black magic" powers; powers that he refers to as drawing upon when he, Tasuki and Miaka are trapped inside the grounds of the emperor's palace in Kutou. That episode of the anime was one of the most exciting episodes in the entire series…and one of the most illogical, due to Nakago's statement that he has cut off Tasuki and Chichiri from their seishi powers by a shield around the palace grounds. Yes, well, Tasuki is unable to use his tessen…but at that point in time, the tessen is not one of his seishi powers (this scene having taken place before the failed summoning of Suzaku.) In fact, Chichiri is able to transport himself and Tasuki away from Nakago, and also capable of changing his appearance to masquerade as Nakago. If these aren't his seishi powers, what powers are they? Ta-daaaa! White Stones black magic! Of course, to be honest, I couldn't account for Tasuki's mysterious ability in the anime to use his seishi speed to rescue Miaka from Tamahome's nun-chucks - but hey, even I can't fill EVERY plothole in the anime!

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Part IV. Love Triangle

Here's my last chance to jump into the controversy and arguments that ensued after Chapter 15, Decision. To clearly define the love triangle, I must first deal with the Miaka/Tamahome relationship. Did I actually say that there was something missing between them? No, I didn't. That's merely one of Tamahome's speculations on how Tasuki could have come between them. Miaka certainly disagrees. Tamahome also postulates that perhaps Tasuki and Miaka were meant to be together, that his relationship with Miaka was a mistake. Once again, Miaka (and I) disagree. Why, then, does Miaka choose Tasuki? Well, as a matter of fact, she doesn't. Miaka realizes that she owes Tamahome her life, and she subsequently offers to give up Tasuki. Her sense of honor leads her to choose Tamahome. It's Tamahome, with his mature insight into Miaka's true feelings, who chooses Tasuki for her. So why does Miaka have a stronger connection to Tasuki than Tamahome?

I see it as relating to the level of maturity within the relationship. The Tamahome/Miaka relationship reminds me of an article I read in my local newspaper about the Jack/Rose relationship in the movie "Titanic." The very insightful, somewhat older columnist pointed out that most of the teenage girls of her acquaintance regarded that relationship as the perfect "adult" love affair…whereas she and her women friends considered it to be the perfect teenage love affair! Being on the mature side of my teen years (by far!), I have to agree with them. In the Jack/Rose relationship (lasting approximately 2-3 days in length, I think), it's all about absorption in each other with very little thought of how they're going to make it in the real world. In other words, it's "Jack! Rose! Jack! Rose!" :P Yes, they are extremely devoted to each other and extremely heroic - but in their world, only the two of them exist.

This pretty much sums up the Tamahome/Miaka relationship, as well. Yes, it's perfect and beautiful...the perfect teenage love affair. Which is fine; they are teenagers, after all, and Yuu Watase was barely out of her teens when she created them. But here are the weaknesses in their canon relationship. Miaka's world consists mostly of "Tamahome, Tamahome, and nothing but Tamahome!" to the point of annoyingly myopic behavior, especially when either Chichiri or Tasuki is desperately trying to save her life. Furthermore, Tamahome, although engagingly money-obsessed and wary at the beginning of their relationship, lapses into cloying, sappy behavior around her once he "falls in love" with her. In a way, Tamahome seems to lose his identity. This is the main reason that so many fans of Fushigi Yuugi "dislike" Tamahome (which I don't!) - he, in a way, becomes just a bland generic hero-type around Miaka once he falls for her, losing all of his delightful prickliness of character except in his interactions with Tasuki. It isn't until the end of the TV series that the Miaka and Tamahome establish some maturity in their relationship, assert their own identities, and give up their own dreams for the greater good of people around them, especially the population of Tokyo.

So why is the Tasuki/Miaka relationship in White Stones any more mature? In my opinion, it's because both Tasuki and Miaka retain their own individual personalities after they fall in love, retaining their awareness of the other people around them. Miaka's newfound maturity and awareness of Tasuki as a "real" person enables her to become more sensitive to other people around her, rather than less. She still attempts to visit Tamahome but doesn't force her way in, out of respect for his wishes and compassion for Nuriko's impossible position in being forced to block her way. Although she hovers protectively around Tasuki for the first couple of days after his trauma, they eventually go their own ways, escaping the fate of becoming joined at the hip. In fact, Miaka seems to spend a lot more of her time in White Stones playing with Chiriko than anyone else. Perhaps because their relationship is "underground" due to the Tamahome question, Tasuki and Miaka don't stage sentimental love scenes with each other in public. I had taken pains to keep the "Tamahome! Miaka! Tamahome! Miaka!" relationship from becoming "Tasuki! Miaka! Tasuki! Miaka!" It's just not in Tasuki's character to become a romantic sap - he's much more likely to bop Miaka on the head and mercilessly tease her.

Does the powerful physical attraction between Tasuki and Miaka also confer more maturity on their relationship? Well, yes... and no. Overwhelming physical attraction does not necessarily confer maturity on the people who feel it - it's pretty obvious that very young teens and pre-teens can experience powerful attraction to the opposite sex without having the maturity to handle their feelings properly. Physical passion flares up between Tasuki and Miaka time and time again, but the maturity factor is in how they view and deal with this passion. They acknowledge the power of their mutual attraction but also understand the limitations placed on their relationship, and find a way to compromise between their minds and their bodies. There's that adult word - compromise. Once again, Tasuki and Miaka remain aware of their responsibilities to the outside world--well, alright, Tasuki more than Miaka; he is two years older than her and has known that he is a warrior of Suzaku two years longer than she's known that she is the Priestess of Suzaku. So they take care to let their physical pleasures with each other stay within certain boundaries and also take steps (by ceasing to sleep with one another) to ensure that they won't accidentally cross that boundary.

The question of physical passion also arises in the anime series between Tamahome and Miaka, but it unfortunately becomes just another melodramatic reason for their contrived "separations." Taiitsukun, Miaka, and Tamahome all weirdly agree that ANY romantic contact between the two is "dangerous!" So if Miaka and Tamahome hold hands or even so much as exchange glances, they may end up "going all the way!" Sigh. Yes, this is a plot device to keep romantic tension between the two protagonists, but it also unfortunately depicts their relationship as stunningly immature at this point. All or None is the philosophical (and developmental) opposite of Compromise. On a side note, the most painful depiction of that immaturity in the Tamahome/Miaka anime relationship occurs right after Tamahome's family is murdered, the scene where he has just buried them. Tamahome can't seem to stop crying, but instead of comforting him, Miaka seems horrified at the depth of his suffering. So when he says "Leave me alone," instead of throwing her arms around him, Miaka runs away to be comforted by Nuriko. She and Nuriko subsequently decide to leave Tamahome behind when they leave to search for the Shinzaho. Yikes! Such complete insensitivity can only be attributed to a childish inability to deal with the harsher aspects of life and death. Remember, this is the level of relationship that Tama and Miaka share at the point in time in which "White Stones" is set. As Ryuen points out, they have not yet gone through all the maturational experiences and trials that lie ahead in the rest of the anime and the OVAs.

So here is where I digress the furthest from "canon" Fushigi Yuugi - in my depiction of Miaka's startling maturity at this early point in time, and yes, in her reciprocal love for Tasuki, which I will freely admit has no basis in the anime. Tasuki's feelings for Miaka, however, do make an appearance this early in the anime, especially in the kodoku battle scene, where he screams at Tamahome not only for breaking Miaka's arm, but also for "crushing her hopes and dreams!" Seems to me to be somewhat more than brotherly concern. After the battle and their escape back to Konan, Tasuki asks Mitsukake how Miaka is doing after Mitsukake heals her arm. When Mits admits that he can't do anything about her injured heart, Tasuki looks away, saddened. Even at the very beginning of their acquaintance, Genrou tries to steal a kiss from Miaka... and no, it's not just to make Eiken angry, since they are miles away from Eiken at that point, so how is he supposed to know about the kiss?! Later, when Genrou refuses to admit that he is Tasuki and lets Nuriko, Hotohori and Miaka leave on their wild-goose chase to Choko, there is a scene when Kouji asks Genrou, "You really wanted to go with them, didn't you?" Genrou denies it but pauses before walking back into the stronghold--and loses his smirk, his mouth turning down in regret. And of course, he soon abandons his long-sought position of bandit leader to rejoin them in Choko. Throughout the TV series, Tasuki always defends Miaka's feelings, always getting mad at Tama for hurting her, especially when they are staying with Tokaki in Sairo. So yes, I do feel that saying that Tasuki has feelings for Miaka early on in the series has some basis in canon FY - but as I admitted before, the canon Miaka consistently views Tasuki only as a brother, when she bothers to notice him at all.

However, as I just said, the White Stones Miaka has been forced into maturity weeks earlier than in the canon anime by the traumatic event of Tasuki's rape and her startling insight into the depth of his feelings for her and how far he is willing to go to defend her. Would the realization of what she means to Tasuki, combined with her sudden physical attraction to him, be enough to make her fall for him in return? In a word, yes. At least, it's a development that I relate to out of my own personal experience. I've also compelled the "White Stones" Miaka to deal with Tasuki's anguish in a much more mature fashion than the canon Miaka deals with Tamahome's anguish over his family's murder. Instead of running away from Tasuki's pain, Miaka faces it and reaches out to comfort him, giving him the love and support he so desperately needs at this point in time. In essence, she gives him back his sense of self-worth. Afterwards, in spite of the natural giddiness of new love, both characters are mature enough to realize that the universe does not revolve around them. The betrayal of Tamahome, whom both parties love, remains a painful deterrent for Tasuki and Miaka from the formation of definite future plans.

Where else do Tasuki and Miaka show maturity? Well, in their continual playfulness and sense of humor with one another. Do I mean that their goofy, childlike sense of fun is mature? Yes. A lightness of touch, an ability to see one another in roles other than lovers shows a sense of perspective. They don't take themselves with the deadly seriousness that is the hallmark of the Miaka/Tamahome relationship; a seriousness that leads Miaka and Tamahome to break up time and time again when things go wrong. Tasuki and Miaka remain friends even after they become lovers, and their verbal sparring encourages Miaka to develop her own witty personality. As she says in the epilogue to Enchantment: "Let's not ever change! One minute, we're declaring our eternal love, and the next minute, we're arguing… and telling each other to shut up!" Miaka enjoys the continuation of their contentious friendship even after they become physically intimate. I think that this may be one of the reasons that so many ardent Tamahome/Miaka supporters accepted the Tasuki/ Miaka relationship in White Stones - because it remained fun almost to the end, with Tasuki in Chapter 16 shoving Miaka under the volleyball net in a forced trade for Chiriko, the better player of the two!

Now that I've gone into depth on the Tasuki/ Miaka and the Tamahome/ Miaka relationships, it's time to tackle the Tamahome/ Tasuki relationship. I've already talked about the brotherly connection between the two in Part III of these notes. It is that deep connection, in addition to the gratitude that Tamahome feels towards Tasuki for rescuing him "from his own private hell," that compels Tamahome to give up Miaka without a fight. Tamahome has also matured a great deal during White Stones, not only through his suffering but also from having to learn to function without his seishi powers, just as he had to do in OVA 2. He is now wise enough to see what a hollow victory it would be for him to end up with Miaka, if Miaka and Tasuki kept yearning for one another in their hearts. Tamahome is right when he tells Miaka that it wouldn't be "fair to me to be your reality…while he becomes your dream." As I've said many times, I love Tamahome, too, and he deserves better than to be second-best in any relationship.

However, it's one thing to make the decision to give up the woman you love…and something different to live with that decision every day. Tamahome shows the pain that he must now deal with at the beginning of Chapter 16, Dusk, when he witnesses Tasuki and Miaka meeting in her room that night. The next morning, he can't help but act cooler towards Tasuki even though he had voluntarily handed Miaka over to him. It is much harder to face the reality of Miaka now belonging to Tasuki than Tamahome initially thought it would be. Tasuki, in return, senses the distance that Tamahome feels towards him and is saddened by it. I tried to keep the relationships in White Stones closer to reality in NOT wrapping everything up neatly - because Real Life doesn't give us easy closure on difficult issues. Likewise, Tasuki, even though he's "won" by winning Miaka's love, still must deal with the after-effects of the rape, perhaps, as Nuriko says, for the rest of his life…if Suzaku and Taiitsukun hadn't intervened.

If Taiitsukun and Suzaku hadn't intervened, Tamahome and Tasuki would have continued to experience complexity in their relationship, with one or the other pulling back due to residual pain or guilt. But in the end, I believe that Love would always win out between the two - the love that is so apparent in the Part I of the last chapter, Nightfall and yet again in canon Fushigi Yuugi OVA 2.

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Part V. Psychology

I was going to eliminate this section from these notes, but in re-reading Author's Notes, Part I, I realized that I promised to deal with the Nuriko/Tamahome situation in this section, and I always try to keep my promises - so here goes:

Okay, you're probably going to laugh yourself silly at this part…but I had assumed that the age range of most of the FY fans who would read White Stones would be somewhere around college age, with many readers somewhat older, maybe in their twenties and thirties. Why would I assume that, being that Fushigi Yuugi was written for people around early high school age? Well, the astoundingly astronomical cost of the anime, for one thing. Well above what most high schoolers can afford to spend on entertainment. Not to mention the similarly high costs of the manga (English translations) at $16 per volume. So I figured that most of the readers and writers on ff.net were older, holding part-time or full-time jobs to support their anime "fix." I also assumed that the "R" rating of White Stones would deter all but a few of the younger readers. Ha, ha, HA, ha, HAH! Roku gets an education!

In spite of my conviction that I would have mostly older readers, I decided to take care in depicting some of the ways in which the seishi dealt with this severe trauma in their lives, on the off chance that I might get a few readers in the age range of 15 to 18 - a very emotional, explosive age from what I remember! I wanted to present some subtle messages about what was normal angst as compared to dangerously abnormal responses to stress and trauma. I need to caution everyone, however, that I have only a layperson's knowledge of psychology; I certainly am not qualified to counsel anyone! Nevertheless, I could hardly write this story without venturing into the dark waters of the human psyche, so I decided to do the best job that my limited knowledge and experience allowed. Chapter 7, Physician, is perhaps the best showcase for these psychological messages. Here, Mitsukake lets Tasuki know about the normal after-effects of his trauma, but also lets him know about abnormal impulses, such as self-mutilation, deliberate infliction of pain on others, and sober, serious plans for suicide. As Mitsukake says, these are not normal angsty feelings, but rather symptoms of dangerous levels of pain and mental instability that require professional intervention. Tasuki had experienced suicidal thoughts in the first agonizing hours after the rape but was confronted immediately by Miaka in a nonprofessional but fiercely caring manner.

If Tasuki is fortunate at all in this situation, it is in the quality of his friends and the depth of their compassion and understanding. He is really rescued by all of them: physically rescued by Chichiri, Nuriko, and Tamahome (yes, remember Tama's role in the exorcism as well as in "Aftermath"), emotionally and spiritually rescued by Miaka, psychologically rescued by Mitsukake, and distracted and comforted by Chiriko and Hotohori. It is these multiple levels of succor that enable him to recover quicker than Tamahome, who carries the additional burden of guilt.

Although Tasuki is initially "the most gravely wounded" in this tragedy, he is, as he later tells Tamahome, "smarter" than Tama in accepting the help that is lovingly offered to him. Tamahome's psychological situation becomes much more serious than Tasuki's because he isolates himself from everyone but Nuriko--and even then, he limits what he is willing to discuss with Nuriko. His refusal to accept help from Mitsukake, Miaka, or anyone else sends him deeper into a dangerous depression, and inadvertently drags Nuriko down with him. This is sadly a real-life occurrence in today's youth: the young person who is clinically depressed, his or her best friend that knows about it but "respects his wishes" to keep this problem private…and the sad denouement that makes the papers when the depressed person turns suicidal, homicidal, or both. Nuriko, pondering to himself in Chapter 13, Consolation, begins to doubt the wisdom of his actions in assisting Tamahome to keep his isolation. He is right to doubt himself. Out of love and respect for Tamahome, he is unknowingly becoming an accomplice to Tamahome's self-destructive impulses. If Tasuki had not invaded Tamahome's isolation to rescue him, if Chichiri had not returned, it is possible that Tamahome would have found some quicker way to destroy himself than anorexia, and Nuriko probably would subsequently fall deeper into guilt-ridden depression.

Tamahome exhibits many of the classic signs of clinical depression: sleeping too much, anorexia, lack of care about his personal appearance, mental and physical isolation from others. The point I wished to make in this description of Tamahome was to let any young person who read this know that this was not normal teenaged angst that would resolve on its own; these symptoms indicated the need for professional, perhaps even medical, intervention. Furthermore, I wanted to drive home the point that Tamahome and Nuriko, in spite of their great friendship and love for one another, were actually hurting each other by keeping to their isolation and refusing outside help. A truly effective friend would "disrespect" Tamahome's desire for privacy in favor of saving his friend's life.

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Part VI. Foreboding, Dreams, and Premonitions

One of the most interesting experiences in writing White Stones, both mentally and emotionally, was getting into the mindset of the Suzaku seishi and miko at this point in the anime series, when they are still confident and hopeful as they prepare to embark on the second part of their mission to summon Suzaku. At this time, they have not suffered any traumatic losses other than the betrayal by Amiboshi. They have successfully confronted Nakago at least twice and escaped with their lives (and the Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho.) We the audience, however, know the tragedies and horrors that lie before them; this is what makes these last days of their "innocence" so bittersweet.

It was a poignant experience to write such scenes as Nuriko in "Flight," breaking the bonds that held him to the earth, knowing that the next time he will do this will be on an icy mountaintop in Hokkan. Also in that chapter, Nuriko's hope that Tasuki will abandon his bandit career when they all return from their mission shows his innocent certainty that they will all return. Mitsukake's wish in the beginning of "Physician," in which he wants to raise up his hand and use his healing power to heal all of the broken bodies and souls in the palace, foretells the time when he will accomplish this act during the war with Kutou--but at the price of his life.

Chapter 15, Decision, also shows this touching confidence in the future by the creation of the uniforms that have been designed specifically for their summoning ceremony with the Shinzaho, and also in Tasuki's joyful assurance that now he and Miaka have "all the days and all the nights" to be together, when in fact they have only one more night as a couple. There is also foreshadowing of the grim future in Chapter 16, part II, Moonlight, when Chichiri assures Mitsukake that they will all feel that sense of unity again…"if not in this life, then in the next." It will be the next life for Mitsukake, Nuriko, Hotohori, and Chiriko when the Suzaku seishi all assemble in Tokyo to join together with Tamahome in defeating Nakago. Yet another poignant moment: Chapter 6, Resolutions, when Chichiri calls Nuriko "the seishi who loves" and wonders, "Will you be the salvation of us all?" Yes, he will...but at the cost of his life.

The epilogue to Chapter 10, titled "White Stones," provided a roller coaster of emotions for me as I wrote it. For every joyful interchange between the new lovers, there was a sign, bad omens if you will, of the inevitable end to their happiness: the wolf howling its lonely cry, interrupting their kiss; the shadows moving in to obscure the place where they had made love so that they could no longer see it; the ominous feeling of the woods at night; and the dead leaves swirling up between Tasuki and Miaka, as Tasuki talks of the possibility of ending up alone.

Ah, yes, the leaves--dead or black--they make several appearances in the story - alright, unnoticed appearances! - but they're still there. What do they signify in Japanese anime? I've only made empirical observations while watching anime, but they seem to signify tragedy (in the opening scene of Inu-Yasha, when they swirl up before the dying Kikyo just after she shoots Inu-Yasha with the enchanted arrow) or desolation (when Tamahome fails to receive a gift from Taiitsukun after the failed summoning, he is suddenly standing before a dead tree as black leaves swirl around him; it's really meant in a comedic sense here, to show the depth of his disappointment).

So the black leaves lead to the…recurring dream sequences. Sigh. I don't think anybody noticed these, not even my close friends who I prompted to "look for the black leaves!" when they first read the story. Nevertheless, it's still one of my favorite (and up until now, secret) connections in White Stones: the fact that after the attack, Tasuki and Tamahome now share a limited psychic connection. They are dreaming the same dreams, although not always at the same time. The dream first appears in Exorcism, part II, with Tamahome dreaming that black leaves are covering Tasuki, as Tamahome is dragged away from him by the oni; then reappears at the end of the next chapter, Chapter 6, Resolutions, when later that same night, Tasuki cries out in his sleep for Tamahome not to desert him, because "the black leaves are covering me!" The shared dream makes its final appearance in Chapter 14. Redemption, when both Tamahome and Tasuki both recall their nightmares about the other lying dead after cutting his own wrists, while the black leaves swirl out of the sky yet again.

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Part VII. Full Circle

Whooo, finally nearly at the end of this extremely long dissertation! (Hey, Mouse-chan, how's this for a thesis defense?! ^ ~) I thought I might end with just a few recurring themes in White Stones that anyone can try to look for just for "fun!"

One of the most meaningful (to me) circles in "White Stones" is the repeated use of the term, "It's alright" to comfort someone. Miaka uses it first to comfort Tasuki in Chapter 3, Purification, soothing him as she holds him in her arms. Tasuki goes on to comfort Tamahome with this phrase in Chapter 14, Redemption. It comes full circle when Tamahome comforts Miaka with this phrase in Chapter 15, Decision, as he reveals that he knows about Miaka's love for Tasuki. Each time that one of the three protagonists uses this phrase, they do so with great love, showing that love begets love.

The theme of purification also recurs in White Stones, with Tasuki first rejecting Miaka's "purification" of his body, later accepting it (in a slightly different way) in that same chapter. Tasuki goes on in Chapter 12, Ritual, to help Chichiri purify himself with fire and water--a purification made necessary by Chichiri's fierce defense of Tasuki's future safety.

Perhaps the most important recurring theme in White Stones is the use of the phrase, "(I'll) be here for you." It's used in Chapter 3, Purification, between Tasuki and Miaka; in Chapter 13, Consolation, by Nuriko to Hotohori; and in Chapter 15, Decision, by Tamahome to Miaka. Its most poignant use is in Chapter 17, Nightfall, when Tasuki promises Miaka that, despite their lost memories, he will "always be here for you," to which Miaka tearfully replies, "But the difference is that I won't be here for you, will I?" knowing that she will be forced to forget their love.

The phrase makes its last wistful appearance in the second part of Chapter 17, Moonlight, when Chichiri tells Mitsukake that he had been in the woods, "meditating on how we had all been there for one another…in this time of terrible darkness," thus inspiring his design of the pattern of the white stones which he had set in the woods. "Being there" for each other is the best expression of the profound love between the Suzaku seishi and their miko that leads them into becoming "guidestones pointing the way to love."

For me, this is the most important philosophy of "White Stones in the Moonlight" - that being an active, loving presence in the lives of our loved ones is the most heroic, profound and permanent accomplishment that any of us can achieve in this life…or the next.

Here is where I will end my stream of consciousness that you have so patiently followed. This is my last entry to "White Stones in the Moonlight", and my final good-bye to the story that I came to love as an everyday presence in my life for so many months. I won't be making any more new entries to this story, except perhaps just some minor corrections for spelling and punctuation. I loved drawing the characters of each of the Suzaku seishi and miko, and I loved the way that they seemed to whisper in my ear ,"This is what I'm really like!" I'm sure that all of you who are authors can relate to this experience; it's thrilling and just a little bit eerie. As I said before, I also LOVED the experience of interacting with readers and reviewers - if you had half as much fun reading White Stones as I had writing it, then we all had one wild, joyful ride!!

Until the Sequel!

Ja ne!

Roku