Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ White Stones in the Moonlight ❯ Chapter 12. Purification II - Ritual ( Chapter 14 )

Disclaimer: The characters from Fushigi Yuugi are the creations and property of Yuu Watase and related enterprises. I do not own them, and do not make any profit from this fiction except for my own enjoyment in spending time with them.

Musical Selection: Once again, "Sanctuary" by Secret Garden, on their CD 'White Stones', copyright 1997 PolyGram Publishing, Norway. I don't mean to keep using the same piece of music, but this one is so appropriate for the "Shrine of Suzaku" scenes that you're just going to have to put up with me! Not to mention the perfect title!

What I own: The purification ritual...and other original elements of this fic.

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Chapter 12. Purification II: Ritual (Mitsukake, Tasuki, Chichiri)

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster,

And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

Friedrich Nietzsche, Jenseits von Gut und Bose

Midnight found the Imperial Palace in Konan settling into its nightly slumber, most of its inhabitants retiring to their separate quarters to rest up for the next day's challenges and demands. The last wakeful servant padded quietly through the corridors, snuffing out the oil lamps and torches, leaving only a few isolated lamps to form little islands of light separated by wide straits of deep shadow. The golden glow of lanternlight disappeared with the soft hiss of the extinguished wicks, yielding the courtyard to the bright light of the gibbous moon. The tall figure of the Suzaku healer paused in his nightly rounds to admire the view from the second floor balcony, the silvery glow of the moonlight lending a mystical aura to the familiar landscape. He let the beauty soothe his troubled spirit, pushing aside his anxiety so that his mind would be free and clear to ponder a solution to his most troubling problem.

He had just returned from another visit to Tamahome and Nuriko in the palace prison. Both of the young seishi were sleeping, exhausted by the traumatic struggle earlier in the day, when Mitsukake and Nuriko tried to force Tamahome to take in some nourishment. Even their combined strength could not compel the distraught youth to swallow more than a few sips of broth. When they forced some rice into him, the violence of his struggles caused him to vomit up everything that they had succeeded in force-feeding him, making them have to start all over again with just the broth. Perhaps the worst part of the whole experience was watching the hope die in Nuriko's eyes; the hope that he, Tasuki, and Chiriko had succeeded in bringing back to Nuriko just two days ago. The now bitterly familiar feeling of helplessness took hold in the doctor yet again.

Mitsukake realized that he had been subconsciously waiting for Chichiri to return, bearing Tamahome's seishi power and perhaps some other magical cure for their woes. But it was now six nights since he had seen Chichiri off on his perilous quest - the outside time in which Chichiri had promised to return - and there was still no word from his friend. Mitsukake felt dread fill his heart. It was not like Chichiri to go back on his word. He could only assume that something had happened to prevent Chichiri from fulfilling his promise...and he knew that whatever it was, it couldn't be good. The healer sighed. No matter how much he worried about Chichiri, he couldn't help his friend at this point, since he didn't even know where Chichiri was right now. So it was for the best that he focus on the Tamahome-Nuriko problem and face the fact that he would have to solve it alone.

It was time that he faced it - it was time that he took drastic measures to keep from losing one or both of his young friends. Tomorrow he would have to separate the two friends for Nuriko's sake, and drag Tamahome up to stay in his own clinic. Nuriko would be upset, of course, but hopefully the proximity of Tasuki, Miaka, Hotohori and Chiriko, combined with the familiar surroundings of his own quarters, would help to bring the violet-haired seishi out of his depression. As for Tamahome, he would be under the firm care of Mitsukake himself - and if that meant three force-feedings a day, so be it! Mitsukake could deal with the trauma much better than Nuriko could. And if Tamahome missed his friend so desperately, he could damn well earn visiting privileges with Nuriko by eating a small meal! Mitsukake hated having to be so tyrannical, but no other method had worked with Tamahome so far, and things had come to a desperate pass.

The tall healer continued on his rounds. He knew that Hotohori had retired to his suite of rooms for the night, so he had only three more charges to look in on. The doctor quietly opened the door to Chiriko's room. The youngest seishi lay fast asleep in his little bed, a scroll still clutched to his chest. Mitsukake gently pulled the scroll out of his grasp, placing it on the table next to his bed. He paused to lightly run a finger over the boy's still-rounded cheek and brush the bangs out of his eyes. Smiling at the innocent expression on his youngest brother's face, Mitsukake extinguished the lamp and backed out of the room silently.

He continued on his way to check in on Tasuki and Miaka. Remembering last night's surprising revelation (surprising to Hotohori, at least), he decided to knock on the door. Receiving no answer, he opened the door slowly. Tasuki's room was empty, as was the bath chamber. There was a strange lump in the bed, however. Mitsukake pulled back the covers to see Miaka's old bear-doll that she sometimes pulled out of her backpack when they had traveled together. She must have left it behind in Tasuki's room accidentally...or maybe not so accidentally. In any case, he still didn't know the whereabouts of the last two members of the Suzaku family, although he had a pretty good idea of what they were up to. The greater part of him wanted to just leave them in peace, but he knew that he would be unable to sleep until he was certain that they were safe. Sighing, he continued on his way to Miaka's room, feeling uncomfortably like a reluctant uncle forced into a chaperon's role. As he rounded the corner to the corridor outside Miaka's chambers, he was relieved to see one of the fugitives come into view.

Tasuki backed silently out of Miaka's room, pausing for one last tender look at his priestess as she lay breathing softly in her bed, her auburn locks tumbled wildly around her. As he pulled the door closed, he winced at a sudden twinge in his shoulder. The soft smile on his face turned to one of wicked glee as he recalled his lover sinking her teeth into his shoulder to muffle her cries of ecstasy. He had not said anything to her at the time, only groaning at the strangely sensual pain. Nor had he mentioned it later, when he caressed her to sleep. Oh, but now - the ammunition she had given him for days of merciless teasing! "Little savage!" he whispered happily, looking forward to his retaliation for the trick she had played on him yesterday evening at the edge of the forest.

Out of nowhere, a large hand clamped down painfully on his shoulder, causing the young seishi to leap ten feet away, whipping out his tessen and pointing it at the shadowed figure. Luckily, he recognized the tall silhouette of the healer before he fried his brother warrior to a crisp. "Mitsukake!" he hissed in an angry whisper, not wishing to wake Miaka with the sounds of a loud altercation outside her bedroom door.

"Oh, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry." The doctor's solicitous tone was belied by the sparkle of his grin in the moonlight. "Let me take a look at that wound," he urged, coming swiftly up to Tasuki and pulling at the open collar of his shirt, exposing the oval bruise with small indentations around its perimeter. "Ooh, that looks like it hurts! Let me heal that for you right now!"

"No!" snapped Tasuki, pulling his shirt closed with the air of an outraged maiden.

Mitsukake laughed. "You want to keep that one, huh. Well, just make sure that you keep yourself covered up around Hotohori - a love bite leaves a rather, shall we say, distinctive mark?! We really don't want to go through another dinner like the one last night, do we?"

Tasuki shuddered at the thought of that excruciatingly uncomfortable meal - uncomfortable for him, anyway. Miaka and Chiriko had chatted happily and unconcernedly through the meal, but Hotohori had just sat silently at the head of the table. Every time that Tasuki looked up from his plate, he had found himself the object of a royal stare. It had unnerved him to the point that he could no longer eat anything, leaving him no other option but to stare down at his plate, waiting for Miaka to finish. Mitsukake had tried to help out by introducing various topics of conversation into the silence, but Hotohori had given only monosyllabic replies while Tasuki had been too unnerved to be coherent.

The young seishi looked up at his friend. "Nah, I couldn't take another one of those. I swear that Hotohori was examining me for the perfect spot to stick his sword for the maximum agonizing effect! I think that he was deciding between disembowelment and castration, and I'm just lucky that he couldn't make up his mind!"

Mitsukake laughed. "I don't think that that's what he was planning! I think that he was just trying to figure out what you could have that he doesn't. I mean, he accepted Miaka choosing Tamahome over him because she did meet Tamahome first, but you! A bandit over an emperor! I think that he's just totally confused." He smiled to see the blush spread across Tasuki's face, visible even in the moonlight. Mitsukake suddenly remembered his designated role as chaperon and turned serious. "Tasuki, you are keeping the...restrictions in mind, aren't you?"

Tasuki blushed again but met Mitsukake's gaze directly. "Yeah, we're being careful. I know what's at stake - we both do. We have no intention of messing things up for everybody, just to fulfill our own desires. In fact, we stopped sleeping together after yesterday, just in case...well, we don't want to start anything while we're asleep and don't realize what we're doing..." He broke off, embarrassed again.

Mitsukake smiled gently. "That's all right, I know what you mean. And I trust you, Tasuki...both of you. Come on, let's go back."

They walked quietly together, heading back toward Tasuki's room. Mitsukake broke the comfortable silence. "So, how are you coping with the nightmares now?" This time, he was truly solicitous.

"They're not so bad - I'm only getting one each night now. I've learned some ways to deal with them. I'm all right…still getting enough sleep, Mommmm!" Tasuki teased. He decided not to mention that Miaka had left her bear-doll in his room so that he could reach out and touch it when he awoke in the middle of the night. He felt stupid sleeping with a doll - Gods, what his sisters would say if they knew! He shuddered at that appalling thought. But last night, when he awoke gasping and trembling alone in his bed for the first time in a week, the feel and the scent of the furry creature had reminded him of Miaka, enabling him to relax and return to sleep. He gave an internal shrug; hopefully, the nightmares would soon disappear and he could return the bear to Miaka before anyone found out about his embarrassing secret.

As the two seishi approached Tasuki's room, they could see the shrine of Suzaku in the distance, set apart from the rest of the palace. To their surprise, light was filtering through the ornate wooden screens that covered the windows of the temple. At that moment, they saw a shadow pass by one of the screens. Mitsukake and Tasuki exchanged glances, then began running toward the shrine, Tasuki drawing the tessen in readiness. They soon arrived at the doors to the shrine, approaching quietly with Tasuki's tessen primed and ready. Mitsukake suddenly grasped Tasuki's tessen arm and stopped. "Wait!" he hissed. Tasuki frowned at him in confusion. Mitsukake straightened, a glowing smile crossing his features. "It's him! I can feel it - his ki! He's back!"

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T he shrine of Suzaku glowed with the light of several oil lamps, the statue of the phoenix-god in its alcove catching the light, the gold gleaming and shimmering on its outstretched wings and proudly curved neck. The large dais in the center of the temple still held the huge cauldron-like brazier, its flames long extinguished since the failed summoning of the god. Around these obstacles glided the figure of the monk of Suzaku, moving slowly...carefully. Every movement was calculated to give maximum results with minimum effort, to conserve what little strength he retained after gathering together all of the materials he required for the ritual. Chichiri fought against the overwhelming fatigue that permeated every part of his body, causing his limbs to tremble and his vision to blur. It had taken every ounce of his will to stand straight and walk firmly out of Taiitsukun's shrine after the destruction of the oni - it wouldn't do to let Taiitsukun know the tremendous physical cost to himself for utilizing the dark powers. Not to mention the cost to his soul…After leaving her shrine, he had sunk to his knees in the shadows of the trees, gasping for breath and praying for the strength to transport himself back to the Imperial palace. For some reason, Suzaku answered his prayers in spite of the monk's disregard of the guidelines of his god. Chichiri knew that he shouldn't ask for more...yet he couldn't help sending a small prayer for the strength to complete the ritual. He trembled in fear of what his failure might mean...

The monk continued the preparations for the ceremony, taking a slender waxed stick and placing it into the flame burning in the oil lamp nearest him, lighting the tip. He moved the taper to light the sacred incense, but his hand trembled with exhaustion and extinguished the taper's flame before the incense could ignite. Twice more he tried and failed to light the incense. He bowed his head, wondering wearily how he was going to complete the ritual. He lifted his hand to try once again...but this time his hand trembled so violently that he was unable to even light the taper. At that moment, a long-fingered hand curved around his, guiding the taper to the lamp, then moving with ritual deliberation to light the sacred incense. The magician felt the familiar ki of his younger brother, and his relief was so great that he allowed a tear of exhaustion to escape from his eye. "Tasuki..." he whispered gratefully, lovingly. He looked up into the amber eyes of his friend, eyes that were widened in concern. At that moment, his strength failed him and he nearly collapsed, feeling himself supported by strong arms that wrapped around him.

Mitsukake's face swam into his vision, frowning with anxiety. "He's exhausted…on the verge of complete physical collapse! Come on, Tasuki, help me take him to his room."

"No!" gasped Chichiri. "I can't stop now! I have to complete the ritual!"

Mitsukake shook his head. "You're not going to do anything until you get some rest. I'm the doctor here, and I'm telling you what will happen. So you might as well accept it…"

"No!" Chichiri struggled to make Mitsukake understand. "The ritual…has to be now! Otherwise…you don't understand… what will happen!"

Mitsukake stooped and reached for the monk. "You can explain it to me tomorrow." he said kindly.

Chichiri gazed at him in despair, seeing the healer's large hands reaching out to lift him up, ready to drag him out of the temple - when suddenly the tessen came up and blocked Mitsukake's grasp. The healer looked up in surprise.

Tasuki's voice was even and firm. "If Chichiri says that he has to perform some ritual right now, then that's what he has to do."

"Oh, so you're a doctor now, are you?!" Mitsukake snapped at Tasuki angrily. "Can't you see that he's about ready to pass out from exhaustion? From the little I can see, he's also suffering from exposure! Do you want to let him push himself over the edge into a full-blown collapse?! Move aside, Tasuki, and let someone who actually knows what he's doing take control here!"

For once, the young seishi didn't react in anger. "I'm not saying that I know anything about doctoring," he replied calmly. "But I know Chichiri, and I know that he wouldn't bullshit us about what is and isn't necessary. So I made up my mind that I'm gonna help him. Now you can either decide to join us, or you can get out - but I'm not gonna allow you to overpower him, got it?"

Mitsukake stared at Tasuki in surprise…and with some grudging respect for the young man's unexpected maturity. Chichiri squeezed Tasuki's arm in gratitude, then smiled up at Mitsukake. "Thanks for your concern, Mitsukake," he murmured softly. "But Tasuki's right…I have to do this, and it has to be tonight. I could really use your help, though, if you don't mind." He smiled at his friend again.

Mitsukake sighed. "All right, I know when I'm outnumbered. I'll help, already…but it's against my better judgment, and don't think I won't say 'I told you so!' if you end up bedridden for the next few days!"

Chichiri smiled again in gratitude, forgoing any arguments since he had already gotten his way. He had not planned on any assistance during the ritual, but since it was offered, he was glad to accept the help. He mused briefly on the odd way that his prayer for strength had been answered.

Mitsukake frowned as Tasuki helped Chichiri to his feet. "It might help if you let us know a little more about this ritual we're about to perform, and why it has to be tonight. At least tell us what happened to bring you here in this weakened state."

Chichiri looked down briefly, then gazed keenly at Tasuki as if trying to decide what he should and shouldn't say. Tasuki seemed slightly unnerved by the monk's intent stare, so Mitsukake stepped forward and placed a hand on Tasuki's shoulder. "Go ahead, you can tell us. He's stronger than you think."

The monk smiled softly. "I can see that. I was quite surprised to see him so healthy...but also overwhelmingly pleased."

Tasuki gave a short sharp whistle through his teeth. "Hey, guys, I'm standin' right here. You can talk to me as well as about me, ya know!"

The two elder seishi laughed, glad to see their young brother back to his usual lively, combative self.

Chichiri decided to give a somewhat edited version of the night's events. "I went to see Taiitsukun, as you know, and found out through my own investigations, as well as from her testimony, that the appearance of the oni in our midst really was a terrible mistake on her part. Much to my relief, it did not turn out to be part of some larger conspiracy with Seiryuu against us." He glanced briefly at his young friend. Tasuki had paled slightly but jutted his chin out and clenched his teeth, determined not to flinch. The monk continued. "After we retrieved Tamahome's seishi power from the oni," he saw Tasuki's eyes widen in surprise, "I decided to make sure that this particular demon never hurt anyone else again." Chichiri's voice suddenly went cold and flat. "Ever."

Mitsukake and Tasuki felt a sudden inexplicable chill and shivered at the aura of darkness that seemed to emanate from their friend. The darkness seemed to fall across Chichiri's features, casting his face into shadow. The monk lifted his face to the light with an effort, appearing to almost physically push back the shadows. His two brothers stared at him in dismay, frightened for him…and somewhat frightened by him.

Chichiri met their shocked gazes and forced a smile, the last of the darkness fading from his eye. "As you can see," he said softly, "there are some…side-effects, some consequences to taking such actions. So it is necessary that I complete this night's work with a ritual purification. The longer I wait to purify myself, the more difficult the purification will be."

Tasuki leaned forward to stare once more into Chichiri's eye. Suddenly, he clapped his hands together. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this thing rolling!"

Chichiri laughed at his young friend's irrepressible spirit. He pulled both Tasuki and Mitsukake close for a brief hug, feeling his brothers' strength flowing into him, enabling him to stand tall. Then he quietly began to instruct them in the tenets of the purification ritual.

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The great cauldron in the center of the temple flared with fire again, the wood within it having been sprinkled with sacred oils before being ignited by Tasuki's tessen. Mitsukake held an ancient, delicate scroll as he quietly chanted the words of a sacred sutra. Small tureens of water simmered over open flames, fragrant herbs floating in the water sending forth scented steam, the white wisps drifting and swirling toward the vaulted ceiling of the sanctuary. The sound of Mitsukake's deep tones chanting the ritual prayers, the scents of the herbs and the incense, the sight of the shadows playing about the walls - all these filled the temple with a mystical aura, at the center of which knelt the figure of the warrior-monk.

Tasuki stood before Chichiri, who knelt on the cold stones of the temple floor, releasing his hair from its usual ponytail. The fine strands of silvery blue silk whispered across his shoulders. He reached up and plucked one hair from his head, holding it out to Tasuki. Tasuki took the hair, holding it up before his tessen. "Rekka…Shin'en" he whispered quietly. The tessen flared with a gentle flame, igniting the hair, which hissed in the fire, releasing a black wisp of smoke. Chichiri frowned in concern. "It's worse than before," he whispered to himself. "Everything must be burned."

Chichiri removed his kesa, handing the cloak and his bamboo kasa to Tasuki, who set them off to one side. He then began removing the rest of his clothing, handing each item to Tasuki to be thrown into the bright flames of the cauldron. Without interrupting his chanting, Mitsukake looked up to frown at the slight figure of the monk shivering on the cold floor of the temple. Tasuki returned quickly to Chichiri's side, shivering in sympathy with his brother. He snatched up the white silken robe which sat folded beside Chichiri, attempting to wrap up his friend in its heavy folds, but the magician waved him off. "Not yet…" he whispered. "You must put my kesa and hat in the fire now." Removing the prayer beads from around his neck, he handed them to Tasuki. "And don't forget these."

Tasuki was shocked. "Chichiri, those are your magic things! They're your gifts from Suzaku! You can't just burn them like your other things - they're irreplaceable!"

Chichiri smiled. "It will be all right, Tasuki. You'll see. Just do as I ask, please."

Tasuki nodded and moved away, averting his eyes from his brother, who somehow seemed more naked, more exposed and vulnerable without the distinctive prayer beads sitting on his shoulders. The young seishi climbed the four steps to the cauldron at the top of the dais. Lifting the magic items with reluctance, he flung them into the flames. The flames shot up nearly to the top of the temple, stopping just short of singeing the vaulted ceiling. Tasuki leaped back from the cauldron in shock, and Mitsukake faltered in his chants as he stared at the conflagration.

"Mitsukake…please c...c...continue." the monk requested softly, his teeth beginning to chatter as the chill of the temple seeped into every part of his body. Mitsukake complied, his deep tones once again filling the confines of the temple. The fire leaped and roared, its orange-red hues gradually darkening to deep midnight blue. The midnight flames crackled for a few moments more before shifting to deep violet, the fire pulling back from its impressive height to once again assume its previous position within the confines of the cauldron. The flames hissed and sighed, finally changing to a light silvery-blue which reflected off the faces of the seishi gathered before it. Finally the fire went out, leaving the temple suddenly dim, the only light being the soft golden glow of the elaborately carved oil lamps.

"Tasuki…" called Chichiri. The fiery seishi moved swiftly to his brother's side. "Take the shakujou and pull my things out of the cauldron." Tasuki's eyes widened but he did as asked, standing up on the dais and fishing around in the cauldron with the shaft of the shakujou. To his amazement, he pulled out the kesa, the hat, and the prayer beads, their surfaces gleaming as if new. He touched them gingerly, expecting to be burned, but all three items were cool to the touch. He hurried to present them to Chichiri, but once again the monk waved them away. Chichiri lifted a trembling hand to his head and plucked yet another hair, presenting it to Tasuki. The hair flared in the tessen's flame, sending out a wisp of light grey smoke. The magician sighed.

"Tasuki," he said again. "We have to perform the final step of the ritual." Tasuki shivered again, and Mitsukake looked up, his chants slowing from weariness and his voice becoming hoarse. But they both nodded at Chichiri, obedient to the wishes of the mage.

Tasuki moved behind Chichiri, reaching for a porcelain dipper which sat in a silver tureen of cold crystal water which had been drawn from the spring of Suzaku behind the temple.. He lifted the dipper, pouring the water over Chichiri, letting the chilly liquid stream over his brother's hair and face and body. The monk gasped and trembled, but lifted his face to the icy flow. "Again!" he choked. Tasuki grimaced but did as requested. Seven more times, the mage shivered under the frigid deluge, his teeth chattering violently, his body on the verge of collapse. Finally he reached up a trembling hand to pluck one last damp strand of hair. Tasuki quickly snatched the hair from him, breathing a brief prayer before igniting the tessen. The hair burned smoothly in the divine flame, emitting a wisp of pure white smoke.

Chichiri collapsed, Tasuki catching him just before he struck the floor. The young seishi quickly wrapped the monk in the thick silk robe as Mitsuskake rushed up and took him from Tasuki's arms. The doctor lifted the slight form of his brother warrior tenderly, holding him close to his own body in an attempt to warm him. Tasuki ignited the tessen, gently moving the fan to send waves of warmth toward the monk. The three seishi left the sanctuary, Chichiri still clasped to his brother's chest, forming a strange quiet procession as they returned the monk to the safety of his own room.

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Mi tsukake gently set the monk down on his bed, noting with satisfaction the return of color to Chichiri's formerly bluish lips. Chichiri sighed and tried to sit up, but Mitsukake pushed him firmly back into a supine position. "Stay here - I'm going to get something to boost your strength and help you to sleep."

Chichiri protested faintly. "You don't have to…"

"Enough!" snapped the doctor. "Now it's your turn to listen to me! Tasuki, keep an eye on him and make sure that he doesn't try to do anything stupid!"

Tasuki nodded as the healer left the room. He pulled up a chair and seated himself at Chichiri's bedside.

"Is he gone?" the voice was soft, but strong.

"Uh-huh." replied Tasuki, slightly confused.

Chichiri pushed himself up into a sitting position again, then tried to rise. His legs gave way beneath him and he would have fallen except for Tasuki's swift arm catching him.

"Hey!" protested the young seishi. "You're not supposed to do anything stupid like that!"

"I just want to see to a couple of things…" Chichiri argued weakly.

"Yeah, well, you keep pullin' shit like that, and guess whose ass is gonna get kicked by the Big Mean Doctor Machine. Not yours - you're not feeling well. No, Doctor BadAss is gonna stomp the nearest red-haired seishi to vent his frustrations over disobedient monks. So have some pity on me, Chichiri, and keep your ass in that bed!"

Chichiri couldn't help snickering over Tasuki's accurate assessment of Mitsukake's state of mind. "All right, Tasuki. But is it okay if I at least sit up? Or will 'Doctor BadAss' consider that unnecessarily dangerous?"

Tasuki smirked. "Probably. You know what a big mother hen he is. I thought that he was gonna pass out from anxiety over you a couple of times during the ritual! But go ahead and sit up anyway - I won't tell 'im if you won't."

Chichiri smiled and pushed himself back into a sitting position. He looked up to see Tasuki's eyes fixed on him in a wondering stare. He cleared his throat. "Tasuki, when Mitsukake said that you were to keep an eye on me, I don't think he meant it quite so literally. The next few minutes are going to become very uncomfortable for both of us if you don't at least blink!"

Tasuki blushed bright red. "Sorry, 'Chiri. I was just wonderin'…"

"Wondering what?"

Tasuki looked down, embarrassed. "I was wonderin' what all that darkness was around you earlier. What happened? I mean, I know what happened - you told us. But what were those side-effects? Why did you need the purification ritual?"

"I gazed too long into the abyss..." Chichiri's voice was hushed, tinged with fear.

"I don't understand," replied Tasuki, looking intently at Chichiri. "Please explain it to me." His voice was soft, humble.

"'Take care, for if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.' That was a valuable warning given to me some years ago by a close friend - no, he was more than that. In many ways, he may have been my best friend, although I never knew his real name. He turned me from the path I had embarked upon... You see, I was training to become a powerful mage, learning to wield soul-destroying magic for the greater good, or so I thought at the time. As I said before, this was some years ago when I was young and foolish and eager to take on all the evil in the universe to expiate my own sins."

"Why was that such a bad thing? It sounds kinda...heroic."

"Yes, it does, doesn't it? Heroic and romantic...just the thing to appeal to a young man's wounded heart. But my friend taught me something about seeking out evil just for the pleasure of destroying it, and feeling justified in using any means available to achieve that end. How did he put it again?" Chichiri paused, lost in thought. "Ah, yes... 'He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster'..."

Tasuki frowned. "That's a strange way of talking - gaikoku no kotoba, ne?"

Chichiri smiled. "Hai, he was definitely gaikokujin. He was a wanderer, a traveler..."

"Like you?"

Chichiri's eye gazed into the distance, looking into the past. "I believe that he wandered much farther and far longer than I ever will." He recalled the traveler's strange garb, his pale skin and green (or were they blue?) eyes...eyes that held the weight of ages, filled with wisdom, pain and sadness; eyes that contrasted sharply with the deceptively youthful features of his face. And of course, there was the double pulse in his wrist...

Chichiri brought himself back to the present, seeing Tasuki's face peering anxiously at him. "Anyway, as I said, he turned me from that path. But that doesn't mean I have forgotten the ways of dark magic that I had learned up until that point. I just choose not to use that power... at least, not often. My friend was right - there is a price to be paid in walking the paths of darkness, in grappling with the abyss..." Chichiri bowed his head in weariness.

Tasuki knelt before him. "The price is your soul, isn't it? To use that power, you pay with your soul..."

Chichiri raised his head. "Just parts of my soul, not all of it...but it still renders me impure. That's why I needed to purify myself tonight...why I couldn't wait. I needed to reclaim the parts of myself that I had lost."

Tasuki gazed up into Chichiri's face, his eyes glistening with tears. "You did it for me, didn't you? You risked your soul to protect me, to avenge me..." His voice was husky, emotional. "I remember that morning, you know. I was so terrified, so hurt and humiliated... I wanted to lose my mind rather than return to that reality! But I heard your voice calling me, felt your arms holding me...and then I knew that it was safe to come back. I knew that you would keep me safe. And once you entrusted me to Miaka and Mitsukake, you went alone into the darkness, and you paid the price...and you did it for me!" He caught his breath on a sob. "What have I ever done for you, that I deserve such sacrifices from you? All I've ever done is shout at you and argue with you..."

"Hush!" Chichiri interrupted the tirade of self-castigation. "You forget your own sacrifices in Kutou! Not to mention how you stood by me just now. But this is not about payback, about exchanging one brave deed for another. You are my brother!" He reached out and ruffled Tasuki's hair. "My noisy, impulsive, hot-headed little brother, but still my brother." Tasuki smiled through his tears. "Whatever is done to you is done to me. So in avenging you...I avenge myself."

Tasuki couldn't speak, so he just placed his head on Chichiri's knees. Chichiri gently stroked the fiery locks. "And there is one other thing to remember - you have suffered terribly at the oni's hands, but you have not been his only victim. There are others - those who suffered in the past...and those who are suffering now."

Tasuki lifted his head and met Chichiri's gaze. "You mean Tamahome, don't you?" For the first time in days, Tasuki was able to speak his name without flinching. "What would you have me do?" he asked softly.

"I do not presume to tell you to do anything - you must make that decision yourself. The only advice I can give you is to look into your heart and do as it tells you. I don't know what that might be...Just know that you have my support in whatever you decide."

Tasuki was silent for a moment, absorbing this advice, then looked up at Chichiri again. "I'll think about it - I'll think very hard about it, okay? I know that I've been pushing him out of my mind, but I promise you that I'll start thinking about him again...tonight."

Chichiri smiled softly at his young brother. "I don't mean to encourage you to lose sleep over this…"

"Why not?" asked Tasuki quietly. "I've been running away from this long enough... I think that it's time I spent some energy on facing the problem instead of running away. Maybe we can all find some resolution this way..."

Chichiri placed a comforting hand on Tasuki's shoulder. Tasuki winced, once again reminded of his recent wound. Chichiri suddenly grinned at him. "Love bite, huh." he laughed. "Love hurts, right?"

Tasuki blushed, looking at Chichiri in surprise. "I didn't think that monks were supposed to know about stuff like that!" he accused.

Chichiri kept grinning. "I have a secret for you, Tasuki..." He leaned close to the young seishi's ear and whispered, "I haven't always been a monk, no da!"

Tasuki's eyes widened in surprise and, if possible, in even more admiration for his elder brother. "Sugoi!" he said in awe. "Whenever I think I got a handle on you, Chichiri, there's always somethin' else that you surprise me with!"

Chichiri yawned, covering his mouth with his hand. "That's me, the magical mystery monk. Layers upon layers, like an onion..." he mumbled sleepily.

There was a soft tap at the door, then Mitsukake entered the room, bearing a small pot steaming with a fragrant herbal infusion, and a tiny porcelain cup. Tasuki rose from Chichiri's bedside, yielding his place to the healer. Mitsukake poured the infusion into the cup, then handed it to Chichiri. Chichiri brought the cup up to his nose and inhaled the fragrance, then frowned. "I have things that I must do tomorrow, Mitsukake." he chided. "I don't want to sleep through the entire morning, no da!"

Mitsukake stared evenly back at the monk. "We survived without you for six days, we can survive a few hours more. You won't be much good to us if you collapse from exhaustion. So drink it, Chichiri - doctor's orders!"

Tasuki looked from one to the other, not understanding the strange tension between the two. Finally, Chichiri yielded, drinking the infusion and handing the cup back to Mitsukake. His eyes began to close almost immediately.

"I'd better go now." whispered Tasuki.

"I'll stay with him for a while - don't worry." Mitsukake whispered back.

Tasuki smiled in gratitude, then walked to the door. He looked back at the monk. "Oyasumi nasai, Onii-san," he said softly.

"Oyasumi, Otouto-chan," came the sleepy reply.

Tasuki smiled lovingly at his brothers, then left the room.

Chichiri blinked sleepily at Mitsukake. "You don't have to stay," he protested faintly.

The doctor shook his head. "You're always looking after all of us," he whispered softly. "It's only right that one of us looks after you." Chichiri was too tired to argue, so he lay down on his left side. Mitsukake pulled the silken covers up over his shoulders, then sat at Chichiri's bedside, listening to the magician's breaths slow and deepen. Occasionally he reached out and checked the older man's pulse. Finally, he was satisfied that the monk was deeply, peacefully asleep. He gazed at his brother's face as it lay on his pillow, the scarred left side hidden from view, the pure right profile looking suddenly younger, as innocent and open as a child's. Suddenly, he felt as if he were the elder brother. Mitsukake brushed the long silver-blue bangs away from Chichiri's face, then yielding to an impulse, bent and kissed the monk's forehead. Chichiri smiled in his sleep.

Mitsukake extinguished the lamp, then walked to the door. "Oyasumi, Nii-chan." he whispered, leaving his brother to sleep peacefully through the moonlit night.

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Glossary of Japanese Terms:

"gaikoku no kotoba, ne?" - "foreign words, aren't they?"

"Hai...gaikokujin." - "Yes, he was definitely a foreigner."

"Sugoi!" - "Amazing!"

"Oyasumi nasai, Onii-san." - "Good night, elder brother" (respectful)

"Oyasumi, Otouto-chan" - "Goodnight, younger brother" (affectionate)

"Oyasumi, Nii-chan" - Goodnight, elder brother" (familiar, affectionate)

Author's Notes: (5-26-03) Wow! It's been a while, and I apologize for that. Besides my punishing personal schedule, I've been having a heck of a time accessing this site - has everyone else been having this problem, too?

First off, I need to credit the source of Chichiri's quotation. Yes, I know that it's Nietzsche, and I would love to make you believe that I sit around and read the works of the great philosophers, but the truth is that I got the quote from an excellent novel by Kate Orman called "The Left-Handed Hummingbird." (copyright 1993, Virgin Publishing). She is a personal hero of mine, having started out by writing fanfiction before graduating on to become a professional novelist. Her work is always emotional and intelligent, and she portrays the hero of her novels better than anyone else can, making him live and breathe and bleed.

So, who is the hero of her novels? (Dang, I just let it slip!) It's the same "friend" that rescues Chichiri from his darker path. Who is this mysterious traveler in time and space? (Dang, I just told you again!) Really, I'd be stunned if any of you recognize him. I can't say anymore without the BBC coming after me, but he will reappear in a fic I'm planning to post on this site which will cover this period in Chichiri's life in more detail. So, can anyone say "crossover"?!

Finally, sorry once again for the long wait for this chapter - but be happy, because next chapter - Nuriko!

And the time is fast approaching when I prove once and for all that I really do love Tamahome! I really do! (Author scowls at the skeptical expressions on Chichiri's Girl's face.) Come ON! In the timeline of this fic, he's only been in prison for six days now!

Ja ne, minna!

Roku-chan