Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Silent Night ❯ Silent Thoughts ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Whee! Chapter 4! You know, I wish I knew how long this fic was going to be.... ^_^;;

Author's Notes: Since I have finally received the first 3 volumes of the Manga, I've decided to include mentions of Shuichi's sister, Maiko. She's probably very OCC (at least, the mentions of her), but just bare with me. Also, I'm probably making Shuichi's Mom a bitch, but then there wasn't much of her in the Manga. I think the only time I saw her was in the beginning of volume 3, and then nowhere else.

As always, Gravitation doesn't belong to me. All I have of this series is the 13 episodes, the 11 volumes of manga, and the soundtrack CDs. ^_^

Any and all angst in this part is to be blamed on the fact that I wrote this while listening to both Yami no Matsuei OSTs. The Devil's Trill is a wonderful piece of orchestral music. ^_^ Of course, listening to the WK TV OST will provide you with plenty of angst pieces too...

And once again, thanks to my betas for reading this. It would've been out sooner, but Galaxia was off in Vegas....

Silent Night

By: Robin Terrae

Chapter 4: Silent Thoughts

There was no sound from the pink-haired vocalist, but Yuki watched as Shuichi raised his head, confusion floating in the depths of his violet eyes. Someone once told Yuki that eyes where the windows to the soul, and right now Yuki could see everything that Shuichi was feeling.

For a few tense minutes, they both sat in silence, staring into each other's eyes. Shuichi suddenly lowered his head, and Yuki could almost visualize the mental shields going back into place. For a fleeting moment, Yuki wondered if this was how Shuichi felt when dealing with him, and wondered if someone somewhere was getting a very good laugh out of this.

Yuki opened his mouth, when Shuichi finally spoke. "I had nightmares." He said softly, and Yuki almost had to lean forward in order to catch his words. "About New York." He shuddered once, bringing up shaking arms and wrapping them around himself, as if protecting himself from the memory.

But Yuki knew that that never worked.

He had too many nightmares himself.

"I dreamt that..." his beautiful voice faltered for a moment, "dreamt that you actually managed..." He swallowed hard, trying to force words out past his closed throat, ignoring the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. "to.. to use the gun." A stray tear managed to sneak its way past Shuichi's barriers to trickle down his cheek, but the young man made no move to wipe it away.

Neither did Yuki, who sat in silence, digesting his lover's words. Although acts of affection were not something that he did, he wanted nothing more than to take Shuichi into his arms, and show him how alive he was. But now wasn't the time. Instead, he sat silently, waiting for Shuichi to finish.

"I always get there too late..." Shuichi whispered brokenly. "I always hear the gun go off, and then I get to the room... and..."

Yuki lit a cigarette and brought it to his lips and inhaled, before glancing back at Shuichi, and gently blowing the smoke in the air. "Why haven't you been eating then?" he asked, voice harsher than he had intended.

Shuichi flinched as he felt his lover's golden eyes staring at him, the voice only showing Shuichi how upset Yuki was with him. "I couldn't keep anything down." He answered. "And then came all the rehearsals for the tour..." Shuichi trailed off, knowing his excuse was weak.

Yuki stared hard at the younger man, but before he could respond, the doorbell rang. Silently cursing whatever gods had decided to make his life a living hell, Yuki got up from the couch, making his way towards the front door, making sure to grab his wallet on the way.

Shuichi watched his lover move, eyes lingering on Yuki's back before he lowered them again, down towards his lap. For a second, he wondered what Maiko would think of him if she were to see him now, but stopped that train of thought before it could go anywhere else. His family was not something that he wanted to dwell on, especially now. Not after his mother.... He stopped there. Now was definitely not the time for that.

Yuki came back into the room, staring down at Shuichi as the other sat on the couch, the picture of absolute misery. Yuki placed the bag down on the table, waiting for Shuichi to acknowledge him, but the other man didn't move.

Yuki sighed inwardly. This was going to be a tougher battle than he thought. But he was willing to be patient if he had to... after all the crap he had given to Shuichi, and the way that he treated his young lover, it was the least he could do.

"Food's here." He said, unnecessarily, only to see what reaction he would get out of the once energetic singer.

"I'm not all that hungry, Yuki." Shuichi responded, softly.

"When's the last time you ate?" Yuki shot back, temper flaring for an instant before he managed to get back under control. He mentally winced as he saw Shuichi visibly flinch from his anger.

"The other day, when Hiro took me out."

"You heard the doctor, you have to eat something."

It occurred to Shuichi at this moment, as he glanced up at Yuki, watching the writer glower at him, that Yuki could be just as strong willed as him at times. Realizing that Yuki was not about to let him get away without eating, Shuichi numbly reached out to pick up his chopsticks. 'When the hell did Yuki develop a mother-hen complex?' part of his mind wondered. But he ignored it as he placed the first bite of food in his mouth.

Yuki watched him like a hawk, until he was satisfied that Shuichi was going to keep eating, before he reached out and grabbed his own set of chopsticks. He hated role-reversals. Especially the ones that kept him form second-guessing his lover all the time. 'What ever happened to wearing his heart in his sleeve?'

They both ate in silence, Yuki concentrating on Shuichi, and Shuichi concentrating on whatever he chose to concentrate on. 'It's not like I understood that mind of his before.' Yuki reflected, watching as Shuichi took another helping of food, pleased to see some life come back into the pink haired man's violent eyes. 'I sure as hell don't understand it now.'

Shuichi placed his chopsticks on top of his plate, staring at them for a moment, before looking up to meet Yuki's eyes. "Hey, Yuki?" he asked, after a moment.

Yuki glanced over at him, stopping in the middle of lighting another cigarette.

Shuichi mentally stumbled at the intensity contained within Yuki's eyes, but continued on regardless, wanting to know the answer to the question that had been bothering him since he woke up in the hospital. "Why did you come back?"

When Yuki didn't answer, Shuichi plowed on, afraid that he had once again upset his lover, "I mean, not that you have to tell me if you don't want to... or anything. I'm glad that you're home again... and oh, please, Yuki, don't do that agai..." Shuichi trailed off, blushing as he realized that he had started doing what he had told himself he wasn't going to do: start babbling. He once again opened his mouth to apologize when he realized something.

Yuki was laughing.

Laughing at him.

And Shuichi wasn't sure if he should be happy that Yuki was laughing, afraid because Yuki was laughing, or worried, because his lover was Yuki Eiri and Yuki Eiri *never* laughed.

So Shuichi sat, staring at his lover in wide-eyed wonder, his mouth resembling a gapping fish.

After a moment, Yuki's laugher died off, and he turned to face Shuichi. He sighed softly. Allowing himself to feel was a relatively new experience for him, and having to explain those emotions was an even newer one.

But he owed Shuichi the truth.

And that's exactly what Shuichi was going to get.


Whee! Endings are such much fun! *veg*