Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Torn In-Between Two Worlds ❯ Anger, Decisions, Love ( Chapter 5 )

You know how they say the first cut hurts? It doesn't. All you feel is numbness flowing through your body like a current of sorrow.

 

`Why did you leave me Yuki? I wish you would've stayed. Come back to me, don't leave me alone… Why did you leave me?! I love you, you jerk! You said you loved me too, but I guess that was a lie! I was a fool to believe you!' As I grew angry I slashed my arm and flinched.

 

Why was I doing this? I threw the now bloodied razor as far away from me as I could and held my wounded arm to my chest, getting the wine red liquid on my hospital gown (which I was thankful that there were 2 to cover up both sides of me). I stood up shakily and went out of the bathroom to my bed. I reached up with my bloody arm and pressed the button.

 

About a minute later, a nurse came in and screamed when she saw my pitiful form. I guess I must have scared her with as much blood that was on me. She ran out of the room and after a while ran back with bandages and peroxide.

 

“Why did you do this, Shindou-san?” The freaked out nurse lady asked me.

 

I shrugged and looked away from her. I knew someday Tohma and the others would find out. It would be bad for the media to get hold of this incident. Part of me wished they would find out, part of me wanted to keep it a secret. It would be kind of funny. I could see the headlines now: Bad Luck's Shindou Shuichi Finally Gone Crazy. I winced as the nurse lady poured a heavy amount of peroxide onto my wounds.

 

“If this hurts, then don't hurt yourself anymore. I don't think I can keep this a secret for much longer if you keep this up.” The nurse lady said.

 

I hated her for threatening to tell others. I pushed her away from me, making her drop the open bottle of peroxide and it spilling all over her nurse dress.

 

`What a shame. I liked that dress too' I thought.

 

I looked at her nametag and I found out her name was Lisa. Lisa stood up on shaky legs and tried to get the stains off her dress. I laughed inside my head and glared at her.

 

“Get out. Don't tell anyone of this, or I'll make sure you never will.” I warned her in the coldest voice I could muster.

 

She stared at me fearfully for a few seconds and then ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I smirked at the door, and then walked to the open window over viewing a park and a small lake in the center. I smiled as I watched all the people living their lives and worrying about what they have to do.

 

The little kids had it all so easy, depending on their parents for everything. I sighed when I couldn't take the sight of everyone happy and I went back to my bathroom. This whole room was driving me insane!

 

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and loathed how I looked. My eyes looked sunken, like a zombie or something. My skin was white as a sheet from lack of sunlight, and I was so skinny I could see each and every one of my ribs. I couldn't believe what has happened to me.

 

I punched the mirror as hard as I could and watched in fascination as it all shattered, sending fragments of glass spraying across the room. I was cut by several shards, but they didn't bother me. I welcomed the pain. My hand was bleeding profusely and I touched my cut cheek, trying to wipe the blood away.

 

I looked at myself through the barely hanging on remains of the mirror that once hung above the sink and saw the left side of my face covered in the wine red color. I held my hand over my face and sighed. Most of the large fragments were littering the sink, so attempting to turn on the faucet was futile. I grabbed a towel and tried to wipe the blood off the floor with it, and it worked for a little bit.

 

A knock was heard on my door and I went back into my room, dropping the towel on the floor and opened the door. Ryuichi stood there with a huge smile on his face. When he finally got a good look at me, the smile wiped right off and was replaced by fear.

 

“What happened, Shuichi?!” Ryuichi almost screamed out.

 

I covered an ear and shrugged, walking to my bed and leaving the room door open so Ryuichi could walk in if he pleased.

 

 

Ryuichi's POV:

 

I walked into Shuichi's hospital room, wondering what happened to him. He seemed off somehow. His room was so dark it gave me goose bumps all up and down my spine. I grabbed Shuichi before I did anything else and got the blood off of his pretty face with a towel I had found on the floor. I let him go and I sat down on the chair next to the door and watched as Shuichi sat on his bed and stared at me.

 

“Are you alright, Shuichi?” I asked a little scared of the respond. I wanted to help him, I really did. I just didn't know what to do. I was so worried about him.

 

“I'm fine.” Shuichi told me, grabbing his blanket and wiping the crusted blood from his face. I got up from the chair and walked over to him, not wanting to play games. I grabbed his shoulders and made him look at me. He winced but I didn't loosen my grip. He needed to listen to me.

 

“You're not fine, Shuichi. Why did you do this? Please tell me…” I begged him. I pushed his hair out of his face and stared into his empty eyes. Shuichi moved me back and wrapped his arms around himself.

 

“I felt like doing this. Yuki left me…” Shuichi

 

I frowned even more and stared at Shuichi, trying to see at least some form of life in that small body. I heard a crash coming from the door to my right, which I guessed was the bathroom. I didn't miss the shocked look on Shuichi's face and wondered what was in there. As I got up to go check it out, Shuichi grabbed hold of my wrist, preventing me from going. I flinched and gasped. His hands were as cold as ice. Why was he so cold?

 

“Don't go in there…please.” Shuichi begged me. Now I was really curious. What could he be hiding in there? I took hold of the hand that was holding onto my wrist and gently pulled it off. Shuichi looked at me with terrified eyes and I just wanted to hold him and never let him go. Why did he have to love Yuki Eiri? I wanted Shuichi for myself.

 

“Shu-chan, I'm really worried about you. You won't tell me what's the matter when I know something's wrong with you now.” I used my free hand to cup his cheek and run my thumb over his baby soft cheek. I smiled slightly at him to reassure him.

 

“You can tell me anything. I'm right here and I'm not leaving anytime soon.” I wrapped Shuichi in a hug and wanted to stay there forever, just holding him.

 

“I'll never let you go. You're mine, Shuichi, don't you know that?” Gods, why did I have to love him so? I love him and I always will. It hurts me to see that he's going through so much trouble. I don't' want him to end up like me. He was too pure to do this. His silky hair was rubbing up against my cheek and I sighed softly. My next felt moist and I knew Shuichi was crying. My angel was crying. I pulled away so I could look into his face and I kissed his forehead.

 

“Please don't cry. It makes me sad when you cry.” I asked him and pouted for good effect. He laughed a little and wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. I loved his laughter. It brought joy to my heart hearing him laugh. My poor baby, why did that bastard have to do this to you? Why did he have to break you? I let go of him to go check the bathroom and he didn't stop me, which I was thankful for. I looked inside and gasped.

 

“Oh…my…” I breathed out. It looked like someone took a water hose and sprayed glass and blood everywhere. The sink was littered with broken glass and the shards on the mirror frame were barely hanging on by a thread of glue. I stared at the blood in the sink and dripping onto the floor.

 

Shuichi's blood.

 

I almost cried looking at the huge mess. I walked back into the room and looked at Shuichi, who was looking at me so sadly. There was so much pain he was going through and I wanted to help him. I opened my mouth to say something to him, but he held his hand up to stop me.

 

“Don't say anything. Please… just hold me.” I couldn't not do what he asked me. I walked over to his bed and sat behind him, wrapping my arms around his tiny waist and bringing his back to my chest. I leaned back against the headboard and smiled when I heard Shuichi giggle slightly. I know it was Yuki Eiri that had caused the mess in the bathroom. I would give anything to make Shuichi happy. Yuki Eiri didn't deserve Shuichi. Shuichi needed someone who would love him and never let him go. I ran my fingers through Shuichi's hair and fell in love with him even more.

 

`He only sees you as a friend.