Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Chimaera ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I don't own the G boys, I just borrow them from time to time and return them a whole lot happier.

Rating: NC 17

Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, sap, angst, Male Pregnancy, medical themes

Pairings: 1x2x1

Archive: http://gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com

http://sweetlysour.net.

http://adultfanfiction.net

http://www.theforsakenwk.com

Summary: Set partially during the series but main bulk after the war. EW didn't take place. The Eve wars are finished and the peace retained. The pilots have all gone their own ways, Heero and Duo have made a life together both working for Preventer when Duo's world is turned upside down as his unknown past comes back to haunt him.

Dedication: To Velena who gave me the plot bunny for this little gem.

Status: In progress.

~ Indicates flashbacks ~

"Chimaera"

October 2003 ShenLong

Chapter 5

Heero had slipped away into the darkness of the night after trying to talk with Duo. His mind was clear, even though his heart was breaking. He knew what he had to do so he simply did it. He managed to get back to the hotel they were all staying at, courtesy of the Earth Sphere, and dodging the security he made his way back to his room. Packing what little he had by way of possessions he thought about leaving Duo a message, something to let the American know that he understood and would step out of his life. He decided against it though, unable to come up with anything appropriate he could say that wouldn't betray his deep feelings; better to just leave now and let Duo get on with his life without Heero around to complicate matters. He knew the 02 pilot would be hurt by his leaving without so much as a good-bye but he would get over it. In any case, he had Hilde to care for him now.

With a heavy sigh he shouldered the duffle bag and left, slinking silently from the building and disappeared into the night.

Heero traveled by night, taking the days to hide himself away and rest. He knew his face was easily recognized and it wouldn't be long before people were looking for him, if only to know why he had left so suddenly. He didn't need that. He wanted to be alone, to work out for himself where he was going and what he intended to do with his life now. He cut his hair, changed his wardrobe and even went as far as to purchase brown colored contact lenses to disguise his appearance.

It worked.

He managed to work his way across several countries until he was sure he was safe enough. Arriving in the far north of Europe, he came across a decimated village. The people there were beginning to re-build their homes, working long hours in an attempt to restore their lives after the wars. Heero paid for a room at the partially re-built inn and thought about his life now. Idly he wondered what Duo was doing. If his sense of time was still correct, it had been a little over three weeks since his departure.

Wandering around the village and observing the people at work, it came to him what he could do. He would help to re-build the destroyed homes and businesses. It would be his way of atoning for his sins; part of the destruction was probably his fault anyway. He wasn't frightened of manual labor, quite the opposite in fact. It would be just what he needed, a way to apologize for the fury of the war, a way to cleanse his soul and bring peace to his troubled mind.

A way to try to forget the love he thought he would have after the war.

Heero threw himself into the task of re-building the broken lives and homes of many. Once he had finished in one place, he moved on to find another. People soon accepted him and appreciated his help, offering payment for his services that was quickly refused. He didn't want their money; he wanted, no, needed, their forgiveness.

So payment was rendered in a different way, a roof over his head, food in his belly, water to wash with. Gradually, with the self enforced labor, his guilt began to ease. He could finally look himself in the eye and begin to forgive himself for the acts of violence he saw locked in the artificially brown depths, the windows to his healing soul.

But there was one ache that refused to leave, one pang of guilt that continued to plague him, eating him slowly but steadily alive.

As the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months and the months to years, he continued in his self imposed retribution. He lost count of the number of people he met, the number of places he passed through and the number of buildings he assisted in re-building. All he knew was it made him feel much better for his part in the war.

The nights were the worst.

He would lie awake, waiting for the elusive sleep he craved to take him, knowing it wouldn't come until he'd suffered what had become his nightly ritual.

/ Duo.... /

Inevitably his mind would be drawn back to the vibrant pilot of Deathscythe. He recalled how sweet the boy had been to him, helping him to overcome his awkwardness and insisting he join in with the rest of the group, forming friendships he hadn't thought he was capable of. It wasn't long before his memory drifted back to that time spent caring for Duo in the safe house....

~ "If you're going to kiss me, Heero, the least you can do, is to do it properly." With that, Duo claimed Heero's lips in a sensuous kiss, soft, inviting and promising everything but giving nothing.

Afterwards Heero raised his fingers to his mouth and ran them over his still tingling lips. All his mind could think of was, 'Wow, that was some kiss.!' He turned to Duo who winked at him, hands on his hips. With a smirk, Heero picked up his bag and headed for the door where he paused for a moment and looked back. "Does this mean we're dating?" he asked in all innocence.

Duo grinned. "You betch'a." ~

He caught the sob before it could break free. What had happened? When had it all begun to turn sour on him?

/ Hilde.... /

Rather than try to force the thoughts away as he usually did, this time Heero gave in and let them run wild in his head. Maybe if he paid them some mind he would be able to sleep a little easier... or maybe not... He'd tried everything else he could think of, at least he could try, after all, what did he have left to lose? Only sleep and he wasn't getting much of that and hadn't for as long as he could remember. Rolling over and giving a resigned sigh he opened up the closed area of his brain and let the memories come forth. Sadly, he recalled the way Duo had been attentive to Hilde, looking after her with a certain devotion.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a little thought began to nag him. He turned it away, wanting to wallow in his misery a little longer. The thought wouldn't be denied though and persistently tapped at his brain until he was forced to heed it or not get any sleep.

/ Hilde.... /

The more he thought about the dark haired girl, the more the thought nagged at him, forcing him to look more closely at the situation. Slowly the former soldier in his brain began to come forth, responding to the nagging doubt. He switched gears and began to analyze the cause of his current unhappy state.

Duo had often spoken of Hilde, how the girl had helped him out on several occasions, offered him shelter, fed him and supplied him with parts for his Gundam. Now that he took the time to stand back and appraise the situation, the fog was thinning a little and common sense began to take over. When talking about the girl, Duo had spoken softly but with pride. Come to think of it, the pride that had shone in his eyes when speaking of her was that of the love for a fellow fighter...

....not the love of a future companion.

Could he have been wrong?

With an unsteady churning in his gut he began to think back to the night he'd left, the night Duo had tried to talk to him. What was it he had said?

~ "Heero?" Duo pressed on despite the strange way that Heero was regarding him. "There's something going on; something we need to talk about." ~

There were so many ways that statement could be interpreted. Had he chosen the wrong way? The more he thought about it the clearer his mind became. Tossing about in his bed he fretted over his decision. Duo hadn't lied to him before. He had said he wanted to be with him should they both survive the war and against all the odds, they had. The ache in his gut intensified. There was only one thing he could see to alleviate the problem and settle his mind once and for all.

He would call Duo.

How long had it been since he'd vanished into the night without so much as a note of explanation? Heero was shocked to find that almost two years had passed since that evening. He'd managed to keep tabs on his fellow pilots; without them knowing of course. His hacking skills had stood him well and he knew that Duo had gone back to L2 with Hilde. Dare he hope that the long haired man would even speak to him after the way he'd left? Would Duo appreciate him calling after such a long absence and stir up old memories? Especially if he'd made a life with Hilde.

Rolling over again he sighed loudly to the night sky. He would wait until first thing in the morning, check the time differences and then make the call. At least then he would know if the boy who'd captured his heart was happy and safe, if nothing else. As the dawn rays began to streak across the sky so he finally drifted into a restless slumber.

Heero awoke a few hours later and stumbled from the bed. His head felt thick and muzzy, limbs were weighted and he could have sworn his mouth sported a lining of fuzz. Bleary eyed he swayed towards the bathroom; a shower was needed, along with a shave. A short while later he reappeared toweling his hair, jaw stinging from the bite of the aftershave against his raw skin. He felt a little more human. A cup of coffee should see him more awake and so he went through to the tiny kitchen and put the kettle on to boil. While he waited his mind slunk back to the thoughts of the night. He'd joined all the dots and found the hidden picture, now it was time to find out if the picture was willing to talk.

The kettle whistled its completion and he lifted it to the cup he'd unconsciously set ready. Autopilot kicked in and he finished making the rich drink, pausing to take a sip before carrying it through to the small lounge area of the apartment he currently called home. Setting the mug down, he went back to his bedroom and dug around in the small closet for a pair of jeans and T-shirt, donning the items quickly before running a comb through the shorter locks. Even though he'd cut his hair, it still refused to be tamed, so Heero had given up and started to grow it back to the length he'd had before. The brown contacts stayed though. At least for now.

He picked up his laptop from the dresser and carried it back to the cooling coffee. He sat on the couch and booted it up, searching through his files until he found the one he wanted... Duo. Opening the folder he scanned through, finally locating the number for Hilde's scrap yard. He knew that Duo was staying with Hilde and that the girl's home was right next door to the scrap yard, the phone number for both being the same. He scribbled it down on a piece of paper and shut the laptop down. Draining the last of the coffee he debated taking a shot of whiskey, purely for medicinal purposes of course, but then decided against it. Although he was just shy of his eighteenth birthday and not legally old enough to drink, he had indulged on the odd occasion. He had never been asked for ID yet. [1]

Summoning up courage from somewhere deep in his gut he opened the vid 'phone connection and punched in the numbers. Wiping his sweaty palms against his thighs he wondered for the umpteenth time if this wasn't a big mistake. The 'phone buzzed and crackled as the line connected to the satellite feed and then to L2's communications system. There was a momentary pause as the line was re-routed through the exchange and then the screen began to fuzz as the sound of ringing came clear.

Heero took a deep breath and tried again to brush his bangs from his face.

The call connected.

The screen came into focus and Heero's breath caught.

Duo.

Heero was a little taken aback. While he'd placed the call with the intent of speaking with Duo, he hadn't thought the American would be the one to answer. He'd thought Hilde would and that would have given him a chance to ask a few discreet questions and test the waters before asking to speak with Duo. Now that he was faced with the one person he'd longed so much to be with, his courage deserted him. All he could do was sit and stare.

"Heero?"

Duo thought he was going to pass out for a brief moment. For so long he'd hoped, prayed and wished that Heero would contact him, if not to explain his reasons then just to simply let him know he was still alive. Seeing that familiar yet different face on the vid screen knocked him for a six and all the carefully thought out things he had planned on saying should the chance have ever arrived, had disappeared. He stared again, the appearance had changed but he was sure it was Heero. "Heero?" he repeated, "Is that you?"

Heero took a deep breath and briefly lowered his eyes. "Hai."

They both continued to sit and stare at each other's picture on the small screen, the silence deafening until Duo couldn't take anymore. "Been a long time."

"Hai." Heero swallowed nervously and fidgeted. / What the hell was wrong with him? / He'd faced armies of mobile dolls, stared death in the face more times than he cared to remember and never felt anything like the fear he was experiencing now! / Pull it to-fucking-gether, Yuy!/ he silently admonished himself. "Look, I'm sorry, this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have called. I'll hang up now and..."

"Don't you fucking dare, Yuy!"

Heero's eyes widened with shock and his hand paused in mid air above the disconnect button as Duo's angry voice screamed down the 'phone.

"You hear me, Yuy?! Don't you fucking dare cut this connection or I'll come looking for that ass of yours and pound you into the next universe."

"But..…"

"You listen to me buddy, you fucking well took off almost two years ago without a word. It's been TWO FUCKING YEARS, YUY! Have you any idea of the pain and anguish you put me and the other guys through in that time? "

"But..."

"I searched everywhere for you, hacked into fucking systems left right and center. I even contacted J in case you had been ordered back to him for god knows fucking what, but he didn't know where you were either. You just upped and fucking left without a word to anyone on where you were going or what you were doing. I was beginning to think you had decided to fucking well self destruct again and not let any of us know. Now, out of the blue you call and then say you're making a mistake? No fucking way, Yuy! You ain't gonna cut this call until you answer some fucking questions and let me know why you left so suddenly and ripped my heart out when you did." Duo paused, panting and red in the face from the exertion. Being mad at someone could certainly take it out of you.

Heero didn't know what to say. Duo's anger at him was well founded but it was the last few words that had Heero reeling. "I... I ripped your heart out?" he whispered.

"Yes, you fucking well did, Yuy! I thought we were going to spend our time together after the war, you said you wanted to, you promised me we would give it a try and then you just disappear. Did nothing of what we shared mean anything to you? I... I thought... I wanted... I'd hoped... Oh shit!" The tears refused to be held back any longer, bursting forth to course down heated cheeks. Angry at losing his composure Duo scrubbed at his face, lowering his head and hiding behind his bangs.

Heero was confused. "But Duo, I thought... Hilde... You were..."

Duo looked up, the realization slowly dawning on him. "What about Hilde? She's a good friend and my boss."

"Oh fuck."

It was Duo's turn to look confused. "What?"

"Oh Duo, I'm so sorry. I think, I think we really need to talk. I have a lot of explaining to do."

"Yes, you fucking well do!" Duo growled as he brought himself back under control.

"Can I come to L2 and see you? I think I need to explain things to you face to face rather than on the 'phone." Heero's voice was hesitant.

Duo looked up sharply. "You want to come here?"

Heero nodded. "I, … I'd like to see you Duo, explain things and see if you have it in your heart to forgive me. Once I explain things maybe you will understand why I did what I did and if it isn't too late... If there may be a chance for me..."

"I don't have a heart anymore, Heero."

"Nani?"

"You took it with you when you left. I think you should come and explain yourself, even if it's only to give me my heart back." Duo's voice was low and soft, pain still evident in the way the speech hitched slightly.

"I'll be on the next available shuttle."

~ oOo ~

tbc.......

[1] I'm basing this on the Laws here in Western Australia where I live. You have to be 18 years old to drink but only 16 to legally have sex... Go figure. ^_^