Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Frozen Heart ❯ Frozen Heart 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Frozen Heart by Sage

All disclaimers apply. Don't own them. Not making any money off them.

genre: angst/romance 1 x 2, 3 x 4

Part 1

He had never thought his eyes could get any colder. For all of five seconds Duo considered taking the words back. Considered breaking into a laugh and claim that he was just joking.

But Duo had waited too long. Had forced himself from voicing his deepest feelings too many times. And after today, when once again he had almost lost the one he loved to fate and those Oz bastards, he had finally had enough.

He would rather die than keep the words back a moment longer. For one Duo Maxwell, pilot of Deathscythe, the time had come to make a stand. So when they had arrived at the hangar he had bolted from his cockpit, raced over to Wing and Heero, and had blurted out the words, uncaring that the rest of his comrades were well within hearing range.

"I love you." He repeated slowly, his eyes desperately searching the cobalt blue gaze for a hint of softening. A response. Anything. He could feel the flush climbing to his face, could feel the concerned gazes of his friends burning a hole through his back. He hadn't given them the chance to step away, too afraid that another second's hesitation would rob him of his resolve.

Damn you, Heero.

If possible, the blue eyes turned even harder.

"I'm not in the mood for another one of your jokes, Maxwell." Heero told him tersely, his posture stiff with warning.

Last chance to back out, Maxwell.

Duo braced himself and bit the bullet.

"I've never been more serious in my life."

Heero's clenched fist caught his jaw squarely and he went sprawling, stunned.

"Duo!" Quatre's voice rang out, the sound reverberating in the cavernous hangar.

Without a backward glance, Heero strode off towards the safe house.

Trowa and Wufei traded grim looks as Quatre ran to the downed pilot. They had all known about Duo's feelings for some time now. Hell, anyone with eyes could see the intensity of the self-proclaimed Shinigami's emotions where Heero Yuy was concerned. But they had also known the futility of it. Heero Yuy was the Perfect Soldier. He had no use for emotions. Even if he had wanted to, they seriously doubted he was capable of returning his partner's affections. At a nod from Trowa, the two turned and quietly slipped out of the hangar. Duo would not thank them for witnessing his rejection and pain.

Be strong, Maxwell. Trowa urged silently.

"Duo?" Compassion filled Quatre's voice as he crouched beside Duo's unmoving figure. The latter had yet to stir from the ground, and his unnatural stillness was starting to scare the Arabian.

Duo stared blindly at the ceiling, waiting for the knife to stop twisting in his heart so he can breathe again. Unknown to him, moisture trickled out of the corners of his eyes.

God, it hurts. He closed his eyes tightly, willing the pain to go away. Willing himself to die if that was what it took to stop hurting.

Quatre bit his lip, his own eyes flooding as he sensed the pain behind his best friend's silence.

"Duo…" he whispered shakily. Allah, please help him get past this.

Finally, moving with the slow, jerky movements of an old man, Duo, pulled himself up and off the ground.

"Duo?" Quatre followed the other boy's movements with growing alarm as the latter headed towards his bike. "Where are you going?"

"Away." Duo replied flatly as he reached for his helmet and put it on haphazardly.

"Duo!" Quatre grabbed his arm, wide-eyed and frantic. "The mission-"

"Fuck the mission." Duo snarled, eyes flashing dangerously. Everything inside him was screaming to run. Run before he splintered into a million irretrievable pieces.

"You can't just leave us!" Quatre yelled, desperation spiking his voice. "Please, Duo!"

The fear in his tone penetrated, and Duo forced himself to rein in his careening emotions. He reached out to clasp the Arabian's shoulder in gratitude. Of all the gundam pilots, here was the only one he could claim to be his friend.

"I'll be alright, Quatre." He reassured the other boy in a strained, yet stable tone. Belatedly, he realized how he must look to the other. That, coupled with his history of wild impulsiveness, was no doubt giving the sensitive pilot of Sandrock nightmarish visions of death and destruction. He forced a smile. "I just need some space, okay?"

Quatre clutched at his arm, aquamarine eyes searching his. "Promise me you'll keep in touch."

Duo swallowed. Quatre knew. Knew without even the slightest hint that this time, he may not be coming back. That he couldn't come back. Would the boy never stop surprising him?

"Swear it." Determination crept into Quatre's tone. "Or I'll tell the others you're leaving." Leaving was out of the question. The others wouldn't allow it for any reason, and they both knew it. If necessary, they would forcibly keep Duo from leaving and endangering the mission.

Quatre understood the importance of the mission. But he knew in his heart that staying would destroy Duo, and forced to choose between his friend and the mission, he chose his friend. Fuck the mission, he echoed Duo's earlier statement.

Duo nodded curtly, knowing that Quatre would not bend on this. "Take care of each other." He said softly.

Quatre hugged him tightly. There was no telling when, if ever, they would meet again. "Take care of yourself, Duo." He said hoarsely, his throat tight with tears. Tears that ran down his cheeks unheeded.

Duo dropped a quick kiss on the other boy's forehead before drawing away. "I have to go." Now, before his resolve wavered or any of the others came looking for them.

Trowa found Quatre a couple of hours later, huddled at Deathscythe's foot, arms wrapped around his knees. Immediately, the sharp green eyes scanned for Duo's bike, and seeing it gone, knew Shinigami had left to lick his wounds in private. Reproach rose to his lips, but seeing the desolation in the beautiful aquamarine eyes chased them away. Quatre's eyes were swollen and red-rimmed, proof that he had been crying for hours. He sighed, folding his long frame beside his partner and gently drawing the other boy to lean against his shoulder.

"I let him go." Quatre's voice trembled with tiredness, but there was no missing the defiance behind it.

"I know." Trowa acknowledged calmly. "It's probably better this way. Heero and Duo were starting to get on each other's nerves too much anyway. They both need a breather." Trowa couldn't claim to understand the emotions that drove Deathscythe's pilot, but his temperament was similar enough to Heero's to venture a guess about the Perfect Soldier's feelings. He was almost sure Heero wasn't altogether immune to Duo, he just needed time to reconcile himself with the vulnerability of having feelings he could neither control nor set aside.

"He's not coming back." Quatre told him forlornly. As much as he loved Trowa, no one understood him like Duo. The braided pilot was his best friend and prank partner. He was going to miss the cheerful and noisy boy terribly.

Trowa disagreed, but kept his thoughts to himself. Duo was a Gundam pilot. He belonged with them, whether he liked it or not. Sooner or later, he would find his way back to them. Or, Trowa's mouth curved slightly, if Duo took too long to realize the fact, Heero would no doubt help him. For all his denial and coldness, Trowa knew that Heero would never permit his braided partner to leave him permanently. There was an unspoken agreement between him, Wufei and Heero. Wufei worked alone, Quatre belonged to him, and Duo belonged to Heero. It was that simple.

"We'll see." He said finally, his arms tightening around his partner protectively. Heero was not going to take Duo's leaving lightly, but if he struck out at the sensitive Arabian in retaliation, he would answer to Trowa.

-end part 1-