Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Love Among the Ruins ❯ Disappear ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I never have and I never will own Gundam Wing. I'm not that fortunate. :P And of course, the "negative content" in this story isn't too much different from PG-13 movies.

Pairings: 1xR? 2xH? 1xH? This will be a mystery to the end. ^_^

Surprises: There are some. That's all there is to it. ^_^

Genres: Drama, angst, some fluff, and other delightful things.

Warnings: Since this is an operafic, my characters will be even more emotional than they would be as in the original series, so they might be OOC.

AN: A shout out to my beta Daniel, and everyone else who reviewed my fics. Thanks for the love. ^_^ The brackets indicates opera libretto.

Gundam Wing: Love Among the Ruins

Act 5: Disappear

By Sailor Celaeno

Heero sat alone in the living room. He was planning on going back to the hospital in a couple of hours. He was a regular at the hospital, always watching Relena, like he was still her bodyguard. But bodyguard or not, he was lousy at the job. If he had been doing his job right, she'd be at work instead of in her hospital. Always asleep. He opened up Relena's diary. He knew it was wrong to have her diary, but he wanted to know what happened between them. Not that he didn't know he hurt her. However, he couldn't quite understand what possessed her to act the way she did. How did she end up in the coma? Was it his fault? He opened the leather-bound book to the entry after the ball. Reading over her familiar script made him feel like she was talking to him, telling him everything in her mind. A mind he couldn't reach to anymore.

*****

[When I walk all alone in the street people stop and stare at me]

Duo and Relena were alone sitting in the limo. They stopped long enough to make sure the luggage was packed in the car. Relena had become less ill by this time. Duo was quiet and almost a different person as the driver headed towards the airport. "Duo?"

"Yes, Princess?" He still had enough good humor to call her `Princess.'

"I know you saw them, didn't you," she said as a state of fact.

Duo sighed. "I have to say you're the most amazing woman in the world."

"What do you mean Duo?"

Duo shook his head. "You're sitting here without being upset. Heero's an ass for giving you up like that, you know?"

Relena stared out the window. The moon was out.

[O, moon, don't disappear, disappear]

"Am I really that amazing Duo?" Relena looked at her reflection in the window.

"Huh? What do you mean? You're a wonderful woman, and I don't know why Heero did that to you… to us," Duo growled more at Heero than at Relena.

"You want to know why I'm not angry, don't you…"

"You're pretty strong."

Relena laughed sadly. "He once told me I was strong. Maybe I am strong. But you see… just like the moon changes it's face… my strength comes and goes Duo. I can't ever show how much I'm pained in front of people. You understand why, don't you?"

Duo just watched her with interest. What she was telling him was something that was really something to listen to with the utmost attention. "Tell me why."

"I'm a politician, Duo. I can't show people how I truly feel. I can't be free to do as I wish. I always have people to answer to. People with expectations of me and you know what? I can't disappoint them for a second."

"That isn't fair. You shouldn't have your feelings ignored," Duo protested for her sake.

"I know it's not, but what can I do? I want to be angry… and jealous… and filled with hate. But I can't hate them! I don't have anymore energy to feel hate. I can't feel those things because there's nothing left of me to give. I used up that energy to do so much in my life. What little I had left I gave away all that spirit of love. I gave it all to Heero. If he loves someone else besides me, I can't stop him. I can't even hate him, not even if I really wanted to."

[Love is a rebellious bird that nothing can tame]

"I can't control what his heart feels anymore than I can control my own. Duo… you love Hilde very deeply that's why it hurts you so badly. You're angry, and you might even hate her, but you will never really stop loving her. I'm the same way about Heero. I could hate him all I want, but I have no hate in me left to give him. When I told him how I felt, I gave all my love, hate, joys, sorrows… what was left of my being. There's nothing left for me to give him. I dedicated so much for him and I have nothing left, but my life."

"I'll never understand that Relena. You really gave him everything, huh?" Duo shook his head. "You just loved him that much, you put all that heart into loving him, and now you have nothing left for yourself. You can't love him more or hate him. There's no room for that in your life. You can't afford giving more because you're bound to a life that keeps you so burdened that you don't have the time to hate even if you could. I'll never understand how you're not going insane."

[mildly and gently, how he smiles]

"I'll forget what he did. As long as he still watches over me, I'm not going to walk away from him. In spite of what he's done, I'm not going to just leave trouble because of my selfish desires. I don't have selfish desires left to give into. One day I'll move along with life and continue as before, but not now, Duo. Some day… I'll understand better."

Duo sighed. She was willing to spend the rest of her life living miserably with Heero always near her, probably moving on with Hilde. She's either brave or dumb. He'd rather think of her as brave than dumb. Just how long that could last was something he couldn't imagine. It was something for his journal that night. Ironically, his journal had been a gift from Hilde last Christmas…

*****

"I see… so Duo talked about his conversation with the vice-minister in his journal. Anything else that he wrote?"

"Not much else. The next entry was about his night at Trowa's."

"Did you ever talk to Preventer Barton about Duo?"

Hilde hugged herself as she leaned back in her seat. "A little bit. At Duo's memorial service. But that's later in the story. I guess I really should pick up where I left off huh? I guess, I should pick up on our trip back home. We needed to talk to Relena and Duo. I mean… we just had to talk to them at some point. Heero didn't tell me much about what happened between him and Relena, but it didn't totally resolve things, although it seemed to go over reasonably well. We never knew why Relena was so at ease.. but she seemed to be."

*****

[appease the suffering which distresses me and breaks my heart]

Heero entered her house. It was dark. He put his luggage near the door and began walking around. Only the sound of his shoes on the floor could be heard as it echoed through the silent place. He just had to find her and fast. He didn't know what she would do. Not that he was afraid of her. He could take her yelling and screaming at him. He feared what she'd do to herself. Would she get angry enough to retaliate? No. That was a foolish idea. But one can never tell with a woman's heart.

He checked her room upstairs, but there was no one there. The bed was empty, and still neat and unused. He peered around and saw that her belongings were there and unpacked. Her ball gown hung on her mobile dress rack still pure and white. She was absolutely radiant in the gown, but that was two nights ago, and when she could still love him.

He thought he heard a noise. He had his gun ready, and he went downstairs where he heard the sound. A song? He went downstairs and the sound grew louder, and he realized it was the sound of Relena's stereo. He followed the sound and it led him to her office. Relena sat in her leather chair watching the window where there was hardly light except for the desk lamp. The machine played a song, a woman singing with some lamentation in her voice. "Relena…"

"You know Heero…" she interrupted him. "I've been doing some thinking…"

"You could have told me where you were. I was worried about you…" he continued his train of thought.

"I assure you, Duo was just as good a bodyguard as you are. He ensured my safe return, and I'm here still alive as proof of that. You needn't concern yourself with details like my safety at a time like this."

Heero quickly walked over and stood in front of her. "It's not because of safety and you know it Relena!"

"My… my… Heero Yuy showing emotions. You are human after all, aren't you then?" Relena seemed thoroughly amused with her control over the conversation.

"Relena… don't make this more difficult."

"For who, you?" Relena watched him disinterestedly. She ignored the uncertain expression on his face. "Heero," she sighed. "We're adults now. There's no need to sugar coat anything just to make me understand. I understand things all too well. I'm really tired. Do you understand Heero? I'm sick and tired of all this."

"I didn't want this to happen…"

[Always free I must remain]

"But it did Heero, it did. We can't change the past; we can't make it all happy and nice like it once was. I'm ready to let go and make myself free. Can't you see that I'm being shackled to a life that's slowly closing in on me? I'll suffocate, Heero. I'm suffocating. The noose is tightening. I have no room left to deal with you or Hilde or anyone else."

Heero quickly grabbed her by the shoulders. She tried to wriggle free, but he held her tightly. "I don't want to end it like this. We shouldn't end it like this. It's not…"

"It's not what? It's not right? Of course it's not right. It's easy for you to say so you won't be guilty. You want to make it nice and easy, just so it'll make your conscience clean and you don't have to deal with it ever again. Guess what Heero? I don't care," she said with determination, but she couldn't quite look at him.

He gently touched her face. "You're a politician Relena. You've never said anything to anyone without saying it to their face. Say it again, Relena. Say it again."

Relena looked at him, and she started to cry. She softly whispered before it became more difficult. "Damn it Heero… Heero, I love you. I will always love you with every beat of my heart, and every ounce of my being…" She breathed deeply. "I love you now, and always… but… get out of my house."

That was all he needed to hear. "That's how it is?"

"Exactly right, Preventer Yuy… Nothing more than that. Get out." The determination on her face came back. Her expression was hardened, but her eyes said everything she didn't want to say.

"I'll leave, as you want it."

"Not as what I want. As it should be."

Heero silently left, leaving Relena alone to herself. Maybe she should have screamed and cried and cursed Heero and everyone else. The only problem was that there was nothing left in her to let out. There was no spirit in her to feel anything else. There was no time for that now. There was never enough time to do anything. No time to be human, only to be a politician. No room to have feelings, but the focus to ensure peace. Only energy to save the world from itself, not to save her from her life.

Maybe Duo could be angry for. "Duo will be angry for me. He has the energy, he's more free than me. Free to do as his heart desires."

AN: Drop curtain, roll credits. To be continued. ^_^

1) "Quando men Vo" from "La Boheme" by Giacomo Puccini

2) "Song to the Moon" from "Rusalka by Antonin Dvorak

3) "Habenera" from "Carmen" by Georges Bizet

4) "M'appari tutt' amor," from "Martha" by Friedrich von Flotow

5) "Sempre Libera" from "La Traviata" by Giuseppe Verdi