Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Contesting Results ❯ Generosity ( Chapter 26 )

Author: Thess.

Pairing/Interaction: Alucard and Pip Bernadette.

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"How much time has passed?"

Alucard stared down Pip Bernadette, hiding his confusion. "How much time has passed since what?"

"Well… you know what…" The Captain winked suggestively, implying what he was talking about.

"I don't think that's any of your business, human," Alucard growled in reply, tempted to shred the mercenary for bringing up this… delicate subject. It had been quite a long time.

Pip shook his head, "And here I am, thinking of offerin' my… special services…"

The vampire's eyes widened in shock, not wishing to dwell in Pip's mind, if indeed he had a brain, to see what he was thinking. "Only a man who isn't male enough to achieve the real thing with a woman would choose that path!"

"But it's better than nothing, or do you like to be so sexuality frustrated…? I remember the showers pretty well…" Pip trailed off.

Alucard looked ready to lunge and slaughter Pip at any moment. "How I was supposed to know you were showering in Integral's bathroom?! Your hair is long enough to pass as a woman's from behind and the herbal shampoo you used confused my senses…"

The whole incident was a nightmare. He, in mist form, trailing down what he thought was the Master's hair until he arrived to the bottom. He shuddered to the memory. "We agreed not to bring that up again..."

Pansy Frog, and here he had thought Pip fancied the Police Girl. He remembered the time when the French used to be fierce warriors not… this…thing. If Radu were alive, Alucard would have introduced Pip to him. Then impaled them together.

"Yes, because you threatened to turn me into dog chow," Pip said, and rolled his only eye.

"And I still maintain that." Alucard opened his mouth to show his fangs glittering predatorily.

"That's your final answer? Are you sure? You should give it a shot. You don't know what you're missin'."

"Quite. Bring up this issue once more, and I'll 'give a shot' to your head!" Alucard taunted, phasing away to haunt the staff and forget the conversation.

Pip gave a slight shrug and lit his cigarette, watching Alucard disappear. Ungrateful vampire. The Captain was willing to let him borrow his porn collection and almost got his head bitten off in return. Some people just couldn't appreciate an act of generosity.