Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ The Order of Lilith ❯ Waking Dreams, Sleeping Nightmares ( Chapter 3 )

AN: Just a quick note, since I tend to go on a bit here - wondering if anyone's planning on attending Otakon in Baltimore next weekend. I'll be there ^_^ Maybe we'll run into each other.

Again another chapter with my extreme love of delving into the past. I hope everyone is at least mostly IC (I tried!), and that it answers some questions.

Thanks so much for reading!

Stella

THE ORDER OF LILITH

Chapter 3 - Waking Dreams, Sleeping Nightmares

She couldn't open her eyes, though she was keenly aware of everything immediately around her - the feel of the bed linens, the silence of her lonely room and the loud thrum of her own pulse. Cold air hovered around her naked hands, but they would not respond when she tried to move them. Muscles in her neck tensed as she made the effort to turn her head or open her mouth, but it was no use. A brief wave of panic rushed over her senses. Was she really still in her bed? Had she been drugged? What was the last thing she could remember about last night?

Alucard.

"It's not time to wake up."

Integra relaxed and let her mind swim back into the listless void. She knew now that it was a dream, and that he was there with her. A deep shadow stood still in what seemed to be a fog behind her eyelids.

"Is this why you wanted me to sleep?" She asked him. "What are you doing, Alucard?"

A low laugh sounded and the outline of his shape stepped forward out of the grey. His fiery eyes were the only colors visible through the dimness. A smaller silhouette followed him, all the while taking on the shape of a child - one with long, pale hair and eyes just like her father's. "There are some things you need to remember," the vampire said. "I'm just going to help you. It does seem like such a long time ago, even to me."

Before Integra could open her mouth to question him, the haze cleared before her and she was once again that little girl…

* * * * *

"Father, there's so much you didn't tell me."

Integra Hellsing gathered a notebook and a pen, threw a quilt over her dressing gown and crept out into the darkened corridors of her family home. There was still enough time before the light of dawn descended upon London, time before the living world would awake and he would go take his rest.

She padded along the icy stone floors, doing her best to stay silent and not awaken Walter. The older man would, more likely than not, still disapprove of her going to see 'him' on her own, though it had been several months since that day. Even if the monster had kneeled before her. Even if it called her "Master."

"This is what I must do," she whispered to herself. Each step became stronger, more deliberate. "I will find out everything I can about him - for Hellsing." She picked her way through the deserted upper floor, letting her hand run along the coolness of the walls. The house had never seemed this dark when her father was alive. Night clung to every corner like a thick fabric that gave way only to where she was at the present moment. Behind her, it sealed the space in pitch black; before her was the faintest hint of lamplight that had fought its way up from the manor entrance below.

She quickened her pace again and drew nearer to the main staircase. Silence buzzed in her ears, for lack of anything else to greet them as she began her descent. But when she moved on, cold air seemed to billow up from the lower floors as if rising to meet her. Integra pulled the covering more tightly around her shoulders and continued on her way, still clutching tightly to the neatly bound book in her hand. Darkness seemed churn around her in a whirlpool of shadows and gloom.

"Alucard?" Her lips formed the name, but nothing audible escaped her throat. The chill continued to bite through the thin material of her nightdress and crawl over her skin. The girl took a deep breath and stared down at her attire. Her shoulders slumped. This was no way to go and address her servant, like a half-dressed child. What had she been thinking? Despite the urgency, albeit in her own mind, of the subject she wished to discuss with him, she should at least be properly clothed even at four in the morning. Integra sighed and moved to turn around - if she hurried, she would still have at least an hour to speak to Alucard. "Besides, if I don't get dressed I might very well freeze to death."

The young leader of Hellsing shivered again and began to climb. The frigid air stayed with her, making her limbs feel heavy and uncooperative. Regardless, she pressed on, but as she neared the top her step faltered. Integra's heel caught on the edge of the quilt that dragged along behind her. In a dizzying moment, she was launched backwards into the darkness with no way to save herself. Frantic fingers clawed at the stillness but found nothing to catch. The notebook slipped and the pen clattered lightly from somewhere below. A gasp caught in her throat; she braced herself, waiting to hit the stones beneath, to feel the painful connection of her body with the unforgiving hardness of the floor. But it never happened.

The force of that lingering chill grew into a howling wind while she fell. The breeze rushed against her body and seemed to catch her mere seconds before she would have hit the bottom. It eased her gently onto the landing and dissipated with a low hiss, nearly as quickly as it had come. Integra squinted. She removed her glasses, wiped the lenses with the edge of her nightgown, put them back on and fixed her attention back onto the dim surroundings. A mist hovered lowly out of reach from the faint lamplight. The voice which emanated from the same corner was at first a whisper, but soon grew louder and more solid, drowning out the thunderous beating of her heart.

"Good evening to you, young Hellsing. Or shall I say, good morning?"

Integra squared her shoulders and steeled herself for his appearance. She was still getting used to the vampire; the eerie turn in the air that accompanied his presence, the flickering red eyes and the way he always seemed to sneak up on her. And yes, the fangs. He rose up from the floor and proceeded to glide forward wearing that coat, the one that was the color of blood. Black hair obscured most of his face and the wispy ends moved just slightly in an unseen breeze. To Integra, he seemed like a demonic marionette free of strings; his long limbs traveled in a fluid, yet stiff manner, awkward and graceful at the same time. She knew it only appeared that way, since her human eyes could not discern the subtle movements that he made all too quickly when he walked.

He clasped her notebook and pen in his gloved hands, and held them out to her. A dark eyebrow quirked over a spark of red, and she met his gaze while she reached up to take her things.

"It was a gift from you father," he said, nodding at the book. "He gave you many gifts - not all of which you are ready to understand." Quite suddenly, she felt very exposed, sitting there alone and uncovered while his tall figure loomed above her. She realized that he saw things she could not see. He knew, no doubt, why she was coming to search him out. Though, perhaps out of some strange courtesy, he asked aloud anyway.

"What is it that my master seeks at such an odd hour?"

She smoothed her wrinkled night dress and took a seat on a nearby step. The vampire sauntered back and eyed her with his usual, somewhat amused smirk as she primly crossed her ankles, opened the notebook and readied the pen.

"I want to know it all, Alucard. How you came to be a vampire, why you serve my family... More than anything else, I want to understand…. Your kind."

"To know your enemy is to defeat them, is that it, Miss Hellsing?"

Integra nodded. The vampire simply smiled.

"Such a willing student," he chuckled. "There are other things I could teach you, Master. Many other things." His voice sounded much closer than his actual physical proximity. It slid over the distance between them like silk and she closed her eyes, feeling herself drawn into its soft embrace. "Someday I will teach you all you wish to know, but now is not the time."

It was like a dream within a dream. She was suddenly warm and comfortable, almost weightless. Her mind was adrift amid the calm waters of somewhere safe and quiet, but his response still echoed within its confines. Her mouth opened to speak. The words tumbled out lazily; they sounded far away. "Not the time… W-what do you mean?"

"That you are not yet ready."

The hypnotic hold released her, and the girl's eyes flew open. She glared at the thing across from her and shot upwards, hands clenching into fists at her sides while she stomped her bare foot. "How dare you try to avoid this with your petty trickery. I demand that you tell me, Alucard."

He remained still and addressed her with an irritatingly unaffected tone. "You would do well to learn patience above all else, my Master. Let this be your first lesson."

"I gave you and order," she seethed. "And you will comply."

The red-clad figure took a step back and bowed his head. "As you wish. I was made a vampire more than 500 years ago at the end of the last war I fought in my human life. My first contact with your family was with Dr. Abraham Van Helsing when I first came to England. Through him I became bound to your line. I will serve you and protect Hellsing faithfully, as I have done in the past. That, my young master, is all you need know at present."

Without another word he dissolved back into the shadows.

* * * * *

The little girl stayed there, face flushed red with anger that was visible even through the dark. She stood staring with disbelieving eyes at the place where her vampire servant had come and gone. Integra could feel the rage emanating from the younger version of herself.

"Some things never change." Alucard's voice was in the dreamer's ear again. The scene of the white-dressed girl on the stairs began to waver. Integra caught one last fleeting glimpse as the young Hellsing's small figure started back up to the second floor again.

"He's infuriating," the girl muttered before she disappeared, "But he did save my life, back then… and tonight."

The last traces of the child had become the comfortable darkness again. Integra waited, drifting through the layers of consciousness until her eyes snapped open at the sunlight blasting through the newly opened drapes.

"Sir Integra?" Walter's voice beckoned from across the room and she squinted as the steward's face came into view.

"My apologies for waking you, but the laboratories at the police authority just rang us. I took the relic down there this morning and it seems that they've opened it up. They thought you might like to examine the contents personally."

"Walter?" She rubbed her eyes and found her glasses on the bedside table. A tray of tea and toast was thrust under her nose as she sat up.

"Here, I've brought you something to eat. You were talking in your sleep - is everything quite all right?"

Integra stared at the butler. He stiffened and set the food down on the nightstand before moving away. "I… You didn't answer when I knocked and it's unlike you to… Shall I have the car ready in half an hour?" She nodded and he turned to leave. Details of the dream, of that memory, rushed back into her mind and the words fell from her mouth with no prior warning.

"Where's Alucard?"

Walter halted his exit and tilted his head as he regarded her. "He retired hours ago. It's well into the afternoon. I was thinking of catching a wink myself." He shook his head. "Not as young as I used to be."

The door closed behind him. Integra reached for the cup of tea, but let her hand drop beside the table. However long she had slept hadn't been long enough. With a heavy sigh she lifted herself out of bed and towards the closet full of freshly pressed suits.

* * * * *

Thirty minutes later, the leader of Hellsing felt as if she were still wandering in the dream. She slid into the back of the car and settled back into the leather interior as the Rolls lurched forward. What had the vampire been getting at?

Integra's finger inched towards the window control and opened the window ever so slightly, letting the damp afternoon air filter inside. She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes.

"Things I needed to remember?"

Why had he showed her that night - when she was a furious little child whose pursuit had amounted to nothing? Her lips clamped together in a thin line, and she opened her eyes when the city came into view.

The stately outlines of ornate old buildings seemed drawn into the landscape. Spires and steeples reached for the unusually crisp, blue sky as they had for hundreds of years. The car rolled passed a Buddhist temple and farther down the way, the tower of a mosque shot up from behind a row of town homes. Testaments to the diversity of London's population, Integra thought. At least people still believe in something these days. And the royal family would always continue to uphold the Church - England would always be a Protestant country.

A traffic light by the highway entrance blinked to red and the car jolted to an abrupt stop. Integra quickly put out a hand and caught herself. "Sorry about that, mum," the driver called from the front. She nodded and sat back, but froze when she caught sight of a synagogue by the side of the road. The large white sign in the front advertised a class exploring "Traditional Hebrew Myths." The subject for the first lecture: The Legends of Lilith.

"Lilith." It was a hoarse whisper to the black letters on the lighted board. The name she had uttered once in Alucard's presence, and she would never forget his reaction. On another night, years after the one he had shown her in the dream, she had asked him again to tell her everything. He revealed more than he intended, she was sure, though still… some of what he said escaped her understanding even after all this time. When he had left her that evening, there was a part of her that felt as though she would never have the desire to ask again.

"I still don't believe you are quite ready for your lesson…" his eyes gleamed through the stillness of her office. "Master."

Integra's blood was pumping through her veins at light speed, pounding so hard that she was sure her body shook with every heartbeat. In all of her nineteen years, she could only remember being this angry once before - when she had asked him these questions and the vampire had responded with only what was necessary to obey her commands. "You will," she spat out through clenched teeth. "You will. Tell me. Now. Start with why you are bound to my family."

He began to laugh. The sound of his voice echoed throughout the room and the ghostly rays of the moon highlighted his growing smile. "You figured it out for yourself. And quite a while ago."

Gusts of wind stirred up from nowhere, carrying his words across the space between them. She closed her eyes against the breeze as the self-imposed darkness plunged her back into that night, where she sat on the stairs in her nightgown waiting for the creature to answer her. "To know your enemy is to defeat them."

The next sound that filled her ears was deafening, like the roar of rushing water, and she felt as if she really were drowning. There was no air, nothing to grab onto; her entire body went cold and she knew her legs had given out, but falling… was taking so long. Integra wrenched her eyes open and found his fiery gaze not even an inch from her face. Perhaps he was looking for a hint of fear, but he would never find any - she would never let him see it. Moving was impossible, though, pinned between the vampire and the desk, and she suddenly became aware of the pressure of his arm around her waist. The other gloved hand cradled the back of her neck, forcing her head to tilt back so that she had no choice but to look at him.

"So, that was your plan," she bit out. "Infiltrate Hellsing, and then defeat us?"

His face was blank, with the exception of searching eyes. "At first, yes," he dipped his head for a moment, making no sign that he would release his hold. "But that was over a hundred years ago. Things change."

She caught her breath. "If there is one thing I know about you, Alucard, it's that you do not change."

"Perhaps I don't," he smiled. "But circumstances do, as well you know." His grip relaxed and feeling returned to her body. He stepped back, leaving her to rest breathlessly against the edge of her desk while he walked about the room.

"When I first encountered your family, it was at a time when my loathing for the vampire hunters outweighed any other thought or even instinct. I came to England, in fact, to hunt them."

"So that is why? But what about Stoker's book - what is all that-"

"It's garbage," He spat. " A lie. A volume of lies. I would have killed that Irishman if they had let me. There's a reason why it is called fiction, Master."

Integra swallowed hard and watched the vampire continue to roam. She managed to clear her throat. "When you say ' they,' you mean-"

"Yes, your grandfather and the doctor Van Helsing. I admit, I did admire them, truly, when they finally bested me. The admiration then turned to rage and vengeance when they didn't destroy me, but sought to use me."

"I see," Integra said.

Alucard stopped and turned to her. "No, Miss Hellsing. I don't know that you do. My involvement with your family later evolved into greed when Van Helsing, and then, years after him, your father, told me what they could give me: Power I could not imagine - strength above all other vampires. With it, they proposed a symbiotic existence. I could not refuse."

"So, that is what kept you as their servant?"

Alucard shrugged. "They needed my protection and I need theirs. Better I should hunt with them then be hunted by them. Though do not misunderstand me, Master. I serve you, but only because I allow it. What keeps me bound to you right now is hardly mere self-preservation. "

Integra regained use of her legs and finally stood upright. She crossed her arms over her still-frozen body. "Then what does keep you bound to me? I should think self-preservation would come very naturally to a vampire. It's an instinct in even the lowliest of creatures."

He looked away. "So it is." In what seemed to be a sudden burst of light, red eyes flashed in front of hers again. "Humans seem concerned with that and that alone."

"Do not mock me, Alucard."

"You would do well," he said, letting his lip curl upward to expose a glinting fang, "To take your own advice."

Integra let out a slow breath, but did not turn her gaze away from his. "And what of your origins? I know who you are, or shall I say, who you were, but vampires are made and not born."

The hostile air between them seemed to become stale and dormant. There was no sound, no movement. The red-clad figure stood still. His lips barely moved when he finally uttered his response. "The first of our kind."

Integra took a step closer. "The first?"

"Even I do not speak her name."

His voice had become quiet, all the usual amused and mocking tones had vanished. The vampire was staring off into the distance. His expression was unreadable.

"Does hearing her name really frighten you? She's a story - a folktale, a metaphor at best…"

Alucard let out a short laugh. "I'm standing here in front of you. Some would say that I am little more than a story as well."

"I've read the legends. You're not telling me - Lilith?"

Alucard moved away when the name hit the air.

"Where is she?" Integra pressed. She had to force herself to close her jaw as she processed the information. Alucard's voice remained low and even. His words came with a languidness she had never before heard from him.

"She is dead."

"How does one kill the mother of all vampires? Certainly she was your master?"

He rose to his full height, like a great tidal wave ready to crash onto her helpless form. Integra reeled back, catching herself on the desk once again. "She was never my master. Though I certainly have no regrets about what I am, I did not choose to become a vampire back then. I made no decision in becoming her servant. She had no right to call me hers."

"You killed her?"

He calmed down again and made his way back towards the wall. "It was very long ago. And you know - that I fear no man, or any creature of the night. But even I will tell you, there are two things that I will be humble before and would give my own immortal life to never see."

"How, how did you…? Alucard?" All she had done was blink, and he had gone.

* * * * *

"We're here, Sir Hellsing." The driver held the car door open for her, then moved to allow her entrance to the police headquarters. She hated the smell of this building. It was musty and antiseptic all at once, as if it were only clean on the surface while all the filth from years passed built up below.

The heels of her shoes clicked on scratched tile floor as she traced her familiar path to the labs on the floor below. Usually she only came here for autopsies. This would be… different. In the time since she'd woken today, she'd nearly forgotten about the relic itself. Walter hadn't elaborated on what they'd found inside of it - perhaps they hadn't even told him. Could be that they discovered it was nothing, just a fake, Integra said to herself. It would figure. She descended the dimly lit stairwell, then soon emerged in the fluorescent glow of the morgue and laboratories.

"Sir Hellsing?" A squat man wearing bright blue scrubs and a surgeon's mask lumbered over to greet her. He pulled a rubber glove from his hand and gestured towards a well-lit room behind another glass door. "It's in here. I dare say the bloody thing gave us some trouble, and as for what's inside… Well, now - I don't quite know what to tell you about that."

He handed her a pair of gloves like his own and led her towards a white-sheeted lump that sat on the center of a steel gurney.

"We had our folks send a sample out to Oxford - for carbon dating and such. One of their archeology professors came in earlier today, and you know he couldn't figure anything out. Said it looked like something from the mainland, could have been used for some cult or religious ceremony a couple of hundred years ago. He drew himself a copy of some of the markings and says he'll get back to us. Nice chap."

The scientist pulled back the covering and Integra just stared at what lie before her. The box, which she had seen last night, looked about ready to turn to dust. If it had been grayish and tarnished before, it was nearly black and about to crumble at present. But stranger than that were the objects beside it: neatly placed in a plastic dish, on a white towel was what could have been a leather pouch. It looked more like a piece of coal, or the blackest obsidian, the way it shone under the light. But the apparent texture of the object made it appear to be more of animal than of mineral. That, and the impressive piece of metal that was spiked right through its center.

"What is that?" Integra reached out and wrapped her fingers around the bizarre piece of antiquity. It felt solid and heavy in her hand.

"Search me, miss," the man beside her replied. "But that metal bit, it's steel. Looks almost like the broken blade of a sword."

She nodded and turned the object in her hand. When Integra readjusted her hold on it, her thumb brushed against the metal and she felt the heat of a wound.

"Dammit." Blood oozed from the slice on her fingertip, spurting out of the glove and trickling on to the bizarre item she still held. She quickly set it down, hastily placing it back in the decaying box. The decrepit lid slammed down on it, emitting a cloud of black dust.

"Guess it's sharp whatever it is… or was," the man said. "We'll see to that thing later on. Come along, Sir Hellsing, let me clean that cut up for you - who knows what kind of old germs were lurking on that old thing. Bandages are in the next room. Say, have you had a tetanus shot recently?"

Integra followed her host, only half listening to his babbling when she became distracted by another sound. As he ushered her out of the room, she turned and stole a quick glance back at the box in the middle of the white sheet. It looked the same, but she was almost certain… what could have been a heartbeat, albeit faint, was coming from that spot. Suddenly she felt as if she couldn't move. The beat pounded louder, and louder still, until it was deafening within the confines of her head… the room… the entire floor.

"Are you alright? Sir Hellsing?"

She could barely make out his voice. Cold sweat began to trickle down the back of her neck as the sound throbbed more ferociously.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

"Sir Hellsing?"

Just as suddenly, it stopped. Integra caught herself against the door jamb and turned to face the person next to her. The scientist was starting at her expectantly, as if he were ready to catch her.

"I… I'm fine," she said, flicking her eyes back to the object. Still, it appeared, nothing had changed.

Her guide cleared his throat and Integra took a step back. She blinked, then moved to follow him completely out into the hallway. The man switched off the light and closed the door to the place that housed the relic.

"You looked a wee bit faint there for a second," he said, laughing as he pulled a roll of gauze and a cotton swab out of a cabinet in the next room. Integra sat down and offered him the injured hand. She still felt dizzy and disoriented. Lord Hellsing tried to clear her head, though she couldn't help but look towards the darkened room she had just come from.

The scientist continued to chatter as he cleaned her cut. "I thought I was going to have to carry you in here. What's wrong," the man joked, catching her eye as he set the bandage in place, "Can't stand the sight of blood?"

Integra raised an eyebrow, then stood up and walked away.