Hikaru No Go Fan Fiction ❯ Facing the World Alone ❯ My Bloody Tears ( Chapter 10 )

Date posted: Wednesday, June 10, 2007 (AN: Ha ha! Chapter ten on the tenth!.... yeah... that is funny and you know it!)
Edited: Still looking for a Beta
Chapter Warnings: Angst. Darkness.
Rated: R (must be an ADULT to read)
Disclaimer: I do not own copyrights to Hikaru no Go. I also do not make a profit from this. My only payment is my own satisfaction and reviews. :P Facing the World Alone
By: Mira Watanabe :: Chapter Ten ::
My Bloody Tears At times, when things become so out of one’s control, it is best to give up trying to gain that control. It is best to droned one’s self in what one knows best. For Shin, that was flesh and blood. It was a Tuesday night. Not many came out these nights besides the ones looking for a little fun. A little bit of flesh and blood. That night, Shin wasn’t only doing his job, but droning in what he knows best. What he had made himself to be. A Street Whore, a Mistress of the Night. Shin was the flesh that everyone went out to meet. He was their pound of meat. Their sacrifice and their salvation all rolled up in one neat little package. The Night’s Whore. It was Tuesday night, Stranger’s night. And like planned, Shin met the man, Stranger, on Twenty-Third Street, under the lamppost. That night was not to be forgotten, Stranger made it so. He made it so that Shin was forever reminded of what they had done. Yes, what they had done… Every lasting moment of it… Stranger fucked Shin through the seven gates of Hell and beyond. There was no other way to put it. By the end of this little rendezvous, there was no walking away from the truth. Shin knew. He will always know. …There was no love for a whore… To soiled to see, to hurt to move. Shin’s new found knowledge ate at his very soul. It burned… no, it branded his skin. It marked him for who and what he was… is. Shin looked to his open wounds, his marks and Stranger’s. It was just a bit of flesh and blood. Just a bit to forget who he was. No… No that wasn’t right. It was to remind him who he is. To remind him there was nothing left for him to give but flesh and blood. To give his body to those that paid. Shin laughed. They paid for used goods. What a rip off. His body wept, but there were no tears… There was only blood. Stranger’s second time was imbedded in his skin in the form of bits and burses. He took Shin like man possessed, and at the same time treated him like a prized possession. A favorite toy. With a gently look and hard hands, Stranger had worshiped every cell of Shin’s body. Every last inch of skin. All the while whispering sweet nothings to Shin’s painful cries. Calling him “My Little Whore.” Shin laid his head back. There was no pain. Why was there no pain? His body was a mass of black, blue, and green. Blood eased out of cuts and bits. There was a toy next to his body. A terrible present from his “mark” from when they had played. It had been a dreadful gift. Shin chuckled once more. Not like he did not deserve such a gift. Shin looked into the darkness, alone and not afraid. He felt fatigue. Dizzy even. But all he saw was the darkness. There was not light in Hell. But his body did not ache. There was no pain. Shouldn’t there be pain in Hell? Shouldn’t there be pain? …Maybe he just didn’t deserve the pain… he wanted it, that was why. He wanted to hurt, it told him he was alive… but he did not want that… So no pain was good? If so, that would make this Heaven and not Hell… But wasn’t Heaven happy? But he did not want to be happy. He did not deserve it. He got what he wanted though… because of that, did it make this place Heaven then? But he did not deserve Heaven. The wicked did not go to Heaven, right? Yes, that is right, they went to Hell. They died and went to Hell. They deserved Hell… So this was Hell, right? But there was no pain… Shin felt no pain… only resignation. This was his life. This flesh and blood type of life. This “give and never take back” kind of life. This selling of flesh and blood… this place of sin. Shin got up with reluctance, with a sort of difficulty, of stiffness. But there was still no pain. There was no more pain. The sun was coming up. He looked up to see the sky painted in blood. He smiled at that Bloody Sky. The color of a fresh wound. A brilliant red. -()()()- Blood-Black Roses was a perfect picture to set in front of such an angry sky. A black building and a red sky. It was beautiful. There was something very intimidating about such a picture. Such anger waved from such a picture. Yet… at the same time, such sadness, such angst, and such heartache made any viewer moved to tears. Shin walked through the door to see an angry Raven glairing down at him. To put it lightly, Karasu was not pleased at all. Shin gave him one of his mocking smiles, “I am home.” “…You’re home….” Karasu took a deep breath, his anger mounting, “You say that like nothing is wrong.” “Nothing is wrong,  Raven,” Shin’s dark eyes darkened further, “Nothing you should be worried about.” Karasu stepped back ,”Nothing-“ Shin walke by, “I am of no concern to you.” Like lightning, Karasu whipped around, his hand shooting out to grip Shin’s arm, “Don’t Say that….” Shin gave him a look. “Don’t you dare say that!” Blue eyes looked into black, “I. am. Your. FRIEND. SHIN! The only friend you have in this God forsaken world.” “I don’t need any friends.” “People need friends, Shin. It is what keeps us sane here on the streets.” Shin looked down for a second, “Sane, ne?” He chuckled and black eyes looked back up. Karasu’s hearts bleed at that look. “Then what kind of friend are you?” “What are you talking about?” Karasu stared at a void of blackness. Shin jerked his arm back, “I means you are no friend of mine.” -()()()- Shin walking into his barren room. He looked to the blocks of cement a wood that made up his shelf. Looking to one of his few possessions. Sai’s fan. “Hikaru…” Shin whispered, but his heart remained silent. There were no more echoes from his past self. There was no more pain. …Nothing. Shin walked into his bathroom for his first aid kit. Looking into his broken reflection. There was a head wound just above his left eye. Like all head wounds, it looked more ugly that it actually was, and bleed like a serious flesh wound. It was just a small cut though. Shin rummaged through the cabinet and pulled out the gaze and tape. He even ran some bath water. He threw off his pleather clothing, thanking the gods that he did not own the real stuff. It would have been ruined by now. Turning off the water, he added some powder to the water to help with infections. It turned the water into the fuzzy color of milk.  Slipping into the water, Shin wondered if he would be able to feel anything again. But washed away such thoughts as he watched his skin redden. White turned to red. This caused Shin to crack up laughing. Tainted Innocence. -()()()- After dressing his wounds, Shin was appalled to say he looked like he was trying to portray a runaway mummy from the museum. There was a wrap around his head wound, several covering his wrists and legs. A heavy wrapping was even around his right ankle that was rapidly becoming swollen. Shin sighed. There was no hopping a broken leg, but it will defiantly put a dapper on him if her were to be attacked. Oh Hell. He might as well mark him up as dead if he was attack, because there was no way he could stand up on his own with the amount of wounds he carried on his person. Limping to his bed room, he went to lie down for a few minute. It would be time to go to school soon. Hell, he was already late for most of his classes., but some part of him said he had to go. It was the same urge that dragged him there every day since he “existed.” There was a distinct pounding in his head, a migrant from the damage done to his borrowed body.  He ignored it, focusing his attentions to his bookshelf and was immediately drawn to Sai’s fan once more. There was little he remembered last night and the strange events that drew him to the ultimate act of taking his life, or at least trying to take his own life – just the sound of his past, the shattering of glass, and the pain of his borrowed heart. After that, nothing. After that, Shin felt no more pain. Shin sighed, his body laying on the bed like a broken doll. That night, Shin came to the conclusion he was not Hikaru, but he could not deny that his past self was a part of him. But he could not live in a dream. That is what he had been doing. Living a Dream. Living not to Live, because his past self could not let go of his empty love. Could not let go of Sai. So Shin did it for him…. He let go… and he took the fall for such an act. But now what? Now what is left of a broken shell? Shin sighed again. What did he do now? “Shin?” Shin looked at Karasu. The man called himself his friend. Were there friends in Hell? He did not know. But he knew one thing was for certain. When one falls so far down the rabbit hole, there was only one thing left to do… Shin held out his hand to his only friend. … and that is to work yourself back up again. Karasu smiled and took Shin’s hand.
Annoying Authors Notes: My thoughts on my writing: Small chapter, I know. But I am so sick right now I can hardly think strait. Been sick all WEEK… It sucks. (T-T). Thanks to all that reviews. I love it when you guys pick out your favorite part out of each chapter. Makes me feel all special. I had written some of this chapter last week, and coming back to it was kind of hard. I was also getting pissed at how much all my sentences were staying so choppy. It is an effect I use sometimes but also a bad habit that won’t go away (Y.Y). If used too much, choppy sentencing becomes more of a distraction and takes away from the story. It also looks like a grade school had written it. With this is chapter, I was hoping to get to a certain part I had planned out, but can’t seem to find the energy to keep on writing right now. I was able to put Stanger in. After the last chapter, I felt like I couldn’t put him in as planned, but I just skipped to it, creating a more crazed feel to Shin’s life so far… I just need to figure out if I should put in how he got from being at home to being on the streets again… Or I could just keep it as is, without having to go into too much detail. It adds effect if you ask me. So my grammar and spelling isn’t all what it should be. Ehhh. But I’ve never thought a story should be based on such trivial matters. To me, content and development is where the Big Cheese is. :P What would you rather have, good spelling and grammar or good story? My thoughts on the story: It’s FINALY the 10 chapter! … And I still haven’t got very far on my story. It is no wonder now why novels are around 40 chapters and why the best fan fictions (ones that I have fallen in love with) are around 60 chapters. 10 chapters really don’t get you very far… Even if you write 20,000 plus words per chapter. Being at chapter 10, I am starting to wonder if I am ever going to get to Sai! I look to my “Planning Sheet” and look at there I have defiantly pined “Sai” at, and slowly watch as each chapter drags me to where I most want to be. I mean, that is where I put most of the juice! The action and adventure. But it doesn’t help when these odd chapter pop in, the chapters I did not planned, but my characters have written themselves for some ODD reason. At least they’re entertaining… if not downright depressing. Writing this part of the story, I kept yelling at Sai to show his pretty face and save Shin. Even if to only see a happy face in this mess…. But that would be kinda odd. Here is something to think of…. How should I save Shin? And is he even savable? And when Sai comes back, will that even help matters? This is the end of “My Bloody Tears,” I hope you liked it. I make my living off of reviews. They make me happy. A happy me makes more chapters. It is just the way of things. Also, pointless criticisms (“FLAMES”) are not appreciated. (o.0);; Sooo… As always…

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