InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Big Trouble Comes in Small Packages ❯ Two Heads aren't Always Better than One ( Chapter 5 )

Out of all the chapters I have posted so far, this one is by far my favorite yet. Miroku is just such a fun character to write!

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Disclaimer: None of the Inuyasha characters are mine, but the old ladies and Sessy-poo are, so just back off! *Huffs* (Actually, I'd worry about you if you actually wanted them enough to steal them. Well, the old ladies anyway, lol!)

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Big Trouble Comes in Small Packages

Chapter Five

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Kagome was standing just inside the stairwell on her floor, looking up at the level above with a hesitant expression. It was very obvious to anyone that might have been watching that she wanted to go up, but something seemed to be stopping her from moving forward.

'Come on, Kagome! There's nothing at all to be scared of.' The girl mentally coached herself. 'Even if there was a woman up there with him, she's got be gone by now! After all, it's getting pretty late in the morning.'

No matter how hard she tried, though, those thoughts were not as comforting as she had hoped they would be.

Finally getting fed up with her cowardice, she squared her shoulders and decided to just go for it. She'd managed to set one of her feet on the first stair up and was about to continue when the sound of jogging footsteps started echoing around her in the stairwell.

"Good morning, Kagome-san!" Miroku called as he came around the bend in the stairs, his face lighting up at the sight of her. "This is quite a pleasant surprise! I hadn't realized that I might run into you while I was here." This was at least partly true. He had been hoping to run into Sango, but hey, a girl is a girl in his book!

"Good morning, Miroku." Kagome smiled in what she hoped was a sincere manner. "On your way to visit Inuyasha?"

Stopping next to her, he grabbed her hands before she could pull them out of reach and held them in both of his. "You are looking beautiful this morning!" he complimented her. "And yes, I am on my way to visit Inuyasha. I got a phone call from him this morning, asking me to come and give him advice on some troubles with a lady friend of his."

Kagome's smile froze and she attempted to tug her hands out of his death grip. "Oh, really?"

"Of course, he came to the right person." Miroku gave her a charming smile and released her hands. "I'm quite well versed in ways to please a lady, if I might say so myself."

"Oh, is that so?" Kagome's eyebrow twitched when she felt a hand rub against her hip. "I personally think you have a few things to learn still…"

*SMACK*

Turning, Kagome stalked back towards her own apartment to let off some steam, although that task probably would have been easier if she had gone on up to Inuyasha's apartment. She sure could have used a punching bag right about then.

Miroku watched her go while rubbing the handprint on his face. "Perhaps I made a move too soon?"

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~*~*~*~*~*~

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After having eaten MORE ramen for breakfast that morning, Inuyasha and Rin were now sitting in the living room waiting for Miroku to show up. All seemed peaceful enough, but in reality things were not going well at all.

"Why do you have dog ears?"

"Because." Inuyasha ground out between clenched teeth.

"Because why?"

"I just do, that's why."

Rin stopped and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Have you ever bit anyone before?"

"No!"

"Then why do you have fangs?"

Inuyasha growled and bared the fangs in question at her. "To scare annoying little kids with!"

Rin giggled, not at all impressed with this answer. "You're silly, Uncle Inu."

Inuyasha clenched his fists tightly, trying hard not to get anymore upset. 'Just calm down! Miroku will be here any minute and then you can use him to take your anger out on. Just a little longer…'

Right on time, a knock sounded on the front door.

Miroku had been standing and waiting patiently for Inuyasha to answer the door and was very unprepared for the door getting flung open and a clawed hand dragging him inside before he could even blink, much less get in a standard greeting.

After the door had been slammed, Miroku got his scrambled thoughts together and calmly untangled Inuyasha's hand from the front of his shirt, carefully examining it for any rips in the fabric caused by sharp dog demon claws. "Good morning, Inuyasha. I see someone is in a pleasant mood today."

"It's about time you showed up!" Inuyasha yelled right in his face.

Miroku raised his hands in a placating gesture, but also in a feeble attempt to protect himself from harm. "Please, calm down, Inuyasha! Surely things with your lady friend can't be that bad, can they?"

Glaring at him, Inuyasha didn't say a word and instead pointed to the couch behind him where Rin was sitting, watching the violent scene before her with interest.

"Oh my God…" Miroku's jaw dropped at the sight in disbelief. "You've actually had a child with someone? Before ME no less? This just can't be true! It can't!" He shook his head in denial of the situation, unable to accept that Inuyasha had gotten farther with the opposite sex than he ever had.

Inuyasha could have happily broken something right then, but settled for his usual response. "You twit, she's full human! How could I possibly have a full human kid with anyone?"

This seemed to calm Miroku down a bit and he was able to look at the situation a little more clearly. Well, as clearly as possible for someone as perverted as he is. "Did an old lover believe she's yours perhaps, so she dropped her in your lap and ran?"

Inuyasha clenched his teeth together. "Who would be THAT stupid to think she's mine? Other than you of course."

"Well, anyone who has actually slept with you can't be all that bright to begin with, Inuyasha. It's only logical that they would-"

The room was quiet for a moment when Rin, who was still watching the two men with interest, spoke. "Uncle Inu, why did you hit that man? And why isn't he moving?"

"Because he's got a big mouth, that's why." was his growled response.

Rin looked closely at the unconscious man's mouth, and then felt of her own ears again before shrugging in confusion. There was just no understanding adults sometimes.

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"Ah, so that's the story behind this odd situation. I never would have believed your brother capable of adopting a child, much less a human child." Miroku shook his head in disbelief but had to stop when a sharp pain went through it.

Inuyasha threw a plastic bag filled with ice at him. "Yeah, well, it happened. The problem is what I'm supposed to do about it. I've never had to take care of a kid before!"

Miroku held the bag to his head and watched Rin play with 'Sessy-poo' the teddy bear in the living room floor. She had a few of Inuyasha's dishes and was now having a tea party for the two of them. 'Sessy-poo' was drinking out of a shot glass while she used a cracked mug.

Watching the scene with amusement, Miroku finally answered. "Taking care of a child doesn't take the brains of a rocket scientist, Inuyasha. Lucky for you." He cringed when Inuyasha shot him a fiery glare.

"Keh! Fine then, what do you suggest?" He knew Miroku wasn't the best person to go to for that kind of advice, but surely he knew more about that sort of thing than he did. Why else would he go around asking women to bear his child?

Miroku mused over the question for a moment. "Well, you could get married and let the woman do all the work for you."

The look Inuyasha gave him clearly said that wasn't funny at all.

"OR you could find someone who knows more about child care than you do!" He hastily continued before he dug himself in too deep. "Surely that wouldn't be too hard to do. You could even find books at the library with good advice on the subject if all else fails."

Inuyasha grimaced. Great, now he was going to have to study, too? Things were looking worse and worse and Miroku wasn't helping at all. Perhaps he would have been better off asking a stranger on the street for help.

While Inuyasha bemoaned his horrible taste in friends, a sudden thought occurred to Miroku. "Hold on a moment. At her age, why isn't Rin in school right now? Did your brother leave any instructions about that?"

This question caught Inuyasha's attention and his ears perked up alertly. Why wasn't she in school? It was early fall and even Kagome had started back to school with her college classes…wait a minute…Kagome…

"Rin!" Miroku called. "Can you tell me why your…er, Papa Sess…doesn't have you in school right now?"

Rin bounced up, happy to have attention. "Rin gets private lessons, but Papa Sess said I could have a vacation while he's gone."

Miroku gave her a pained smile. Some vacation this poor child would have. She'd be lucky if she survived with a caretaker like Inuyasha.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha shouted suddenly completely out of the blue, startling both Rin and Miroku. Each one gave him a strange look.

"What about Kagome?" The other man finally inquired curiously.

Inuyasha was looking rather excited. "She's in college and taking classes to teach little kids! If anyone would know anything about them, I bet she would!"

Miroku smiled wryly. "You're making Rin sound like some kind of mysterious, exotic pet that no one knows how to take proper care of."

Inuyasha smirked, too proud of his idea to yell at Miroku for his smart-ass remarks. "Do you have any better suggestions?"

"Well, no." Miroku hesitated slightly. "But right now might not be the best time to go talk to her." He flinched guiltily when suspicious golden eyes settled upon him.

"Why not?" Inuyasha suddenly remembered the red handprint Miroku was sporting earlier and his eyes narrowed in anger. "You didn't…"

Miroku looked around in attempted innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about. I simply ran into Kagome in the stairwell and she and I 'talked' for a few moments."

He never saw the fist coming.

"Uncle Inu, why did you hit that man again? Is it because of his big mouth?"

"No, it was because of his hands this time!"

Rin couldn't see any sense in that answer, so she went back to her tea party.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha was still shaking with anger that Miroku had dared try such a thing with Kagome. At the moment he really wanted to hit him again but refrained since the pervert was still unconscious. It will hurt a LOT worse after he wakes up and can feel it.

Smiling evilly, he sat down to wait.

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~*~*~*~*~*~

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'He won't get away with this!' Kagome was pacing around her living room, still fuming about the information Miroku had given her. 'He has a girlfriend, and he didn't even TELL me? What a jerk! I should go up there right now and give him a piece of my mind!'

"Well, maybe after Miroku leaves." She shuddered at the memory of his hand on her.

Kagome continued to pace and look at the clock every few seconds. By the time half an hour had passed, she was getting really impatient. 'Has it been long enough yet? Surely Miroku's gone by now!'

Just to be sure though, she decided to give him another five minutes. She managed to wait through four, but that was close enough, right?

"Okay, that's it!" Kagome squared her shoulders as if preparing to walk into battle. "Even if it's none of my business that he has a girlfriend, he's going to find out the hard way to keep the noise level down! He has no right to keep people up all night!"

'Yeah right.' her mind scoffed. 'More like he woke you up twenty minutes before your alarm. Big deal!'

"But it's still rude!" She stubbornly refused to back down or admit the real reason she wanted to go up and talk to him.

Throwing open the front door, Kagome marched out and slammed it behind her.

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Once again, another chapter is completed! I hope you found it as amusing as I did while I wrote it. My favorite part had to be where Miroku thought Inuyasha had actually beaten him to having a child. ^_^ Anyway, please leave me a review and let me know what you think!