InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Blackout ❯ A Much-Needed Break ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc.  I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc.   I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created.  I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.  


A/N – Thanks to knittingknots for alerting me to an Americanism I was using.  It seems that the Japanese have a much harsher attitude toward teen pregnancy than we do here in the States.  Some changes were made to this chapter before posting, and I made a small alteration to chapter 8 as well.  If you saw Mrs. Higurashi’s brief reflection on abortion in the large paragraph right after she asks if Kagome is going to have the baby, then you read the updated version.  


A Much-Needed Break


Kagome took a deep breath, willing herself to relax.  This was a standard thing many pregnant women went through.  Of course, most pregnant women weren’t unwed teenagers.  But Mama had set this up, and her mother’s judgment had certainly never led her astray before.  Still, she couldn’t shake the jitters.  The two of them had just boarded the subway en route to the doctor’s office.  It was about a twenty minute ride, and in that time Kagome hoped to get her heartbeat to slow down.  Fortunately, it early afternoon, so the train was not crowded.  No one else was sitting or standing within a few meters of them.  

Her mother patted her leg comfortingly.  “Relax, dear.  This is all normal.”  

Kagome managed a tense smile.  “I know, Mama.  It’s just…”  She stopped, just before saying something foolish.  I wish Inuyasha was here.  

That he was not was of her own doing, of course.  When she had learned two days ago that Miroku and Sango were heading out on a youkai extermination requested by a neighboring village, she had insisted that Inuyasha go along with them.  One never knew when Naraku would show up, and if he or another strong opponent appeared, the monk and slayer would stand a better chance with the hanyou present.  Inuyasha protested, clearly wishing to go to the prenatal appointment with her, though he never said as much.  Convincing him required some pleading, but eventually he relented.  She also made him promise not to come back without Miroku and Sango, or to run Kirara into the ground in his haste to return on time.  There would be other appointments, and she would not risk the lives of their friends, or the lives of the villagers needing assistance just so he could come to the first one.  

This did not change the fact that she would feel much more comfortable with him here.  It seemed like every time she had to wade into an unfamiliar and frightening situation in the feudal era, Inuyasha was by her side.  She hadn’t realized how much she had come to rely on that until now.  But her mother was the next best thing, she supposed.  They weren’t likely to run into any truly dangerous situations in modern Tokyo at any rate, especially at this time of day.  It was enough that Inuyasha wanted to be here, and was absent for a good reason.  

Mama took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.  She probably knew what was troubling her, but didn’t comment on it, for which Kagome was grateful.  She had been feeling a lot of gratitude over the past week.  Her family had been remarkably supportive, especially her mother.  Sure, Kagome occasionally caught looks of disappointment and worry from her, but they were fleeting and were not reflected in her mother’s behavior.  Her grandfather had maintained his uneasy truce with Inuyasha, though it was clear that their ‘partnership’ arrangement was far too unofficial for his liking.  Jii-chan still wanted her married before she gave birth, though at the moment he appeared willing to bite his tongue.  How long that would last was anyone’s guess.

So overall, it had been a great week, a lengthy and much-needed break.  Their little group would set out again as soon as Miroku and Sango returned, possibly as early as tomorrow morning.   And when they did resume their quest, Kagome knew she would feel completely refreshed and ready to take on the feudal era again.  Inuyasha had enjoyed the break as well, she suspected, though ‘break’ to a hanyou meant a day of rest and a really good night’s sleep.  Achieving that, the remainder of the week probably seemed like a colossal waste of time to him.  But to Kagome’s endless amazement, he never voiced that thought.  He would occasionally let her clearly know that he was thinking it, with some impatient behavior or general grumpiness, but this she could ignore because it was nothing unusual for him to be bit surly.  It helped that he had plenty to keep him busy, such as checking the lands around the village for signs of youkai, helping Jii-chan in the shed, and of course, watching television.  Kagome cracked a smile at that.  Inuyasha looked so incredibly adorable sitting in front of the TV.  Legs crossed, back straight, ears perked up at attention, he looked like a dog watching a squirrel.  Whereas for modern humans television was a comforting, predictable distraction from the real world, for Inuyasha almost everything he saw was completely new, and often fascinating.  

It was because Inuyasha was well-occupied that this week had been productive for Kagome.  She knew from experience that studying just did not work with him bothering her every ten minutes.  She had been unable to go to school last Friday or this past Monday due to potential morning sickness.  Normal school policy was to send students home after vomiting, which would defeat the purpose of going in the first place.  And she was not yet ready to make her pregnancy public knowledge.  She wasn’t even sure the school would allow her to continue to attend if they found out.  And beyond that, she didn’t feel like dealing with the ridicule.  Teenage pregnancy was extremely rare in this country, in this time, and she didn’t want to take any crap from a bunch of naïve girls who hadn’t done anything with their lives.  She’d slain dozens of youkai, mended wounds so severe that normal people would faint at the mere sight of them, and repeatedly faced down one the greatest evils the world had ever seen.  What had her schoolmates done?  Play sports and go on dates, nothing even remotely dangerous.  Which was exactly why she didn’t feel like hearing it from them.  

Instead of going to school, Kagome spent those two days plus the weekend catching up on her studies from the quiet interior of her bedroom.  It was the most productive she had been in terms of schoolwork since first falling down the well on her fifteenth birthday.  

Her mother’s prediction that her morning sickness would soon subside, based on how far along she was, proved to be correct.  On Tuesday, after two straight days with no vomiting, she had finally gone to school with all fingers and toes crossed.  There had been some nausea that day, as well as the next two, but nothing had come up.  Her mother’s ginger tea was probably a big contributing factor there.  She kept a thermos of it with her at all times, and drank some whenever she felt a little queasy.  Her teachers had been fine with her keeping it on her desk during class; none had pressed her for details since they all thought she was naturally sickly.  

School had been interesting for another reason, namely the exotic-looking young man who walked her there in the morning and met her at the gate in the afternoon.  This arrangement had only continued for a day and a half, since Inuyasha had departed with Miroku and Sango after dropping her off on Wednesday, but she could only imagine the gossip going around.  From the snippets she’d overheard, the general theme was about the Higurashi girl, always absent with mysterious illnesses, now coming to school with a handsome, silver-haired gang member.  Oh, the scandalous possibilities.  Kagome would admit that Inuyasha did look like a gang member.  With his hair dyed silver, or so they thought, his baggy clothes, and his hat worn backwards—a ‘helpful’ tip from Souta—he looked every bit the disgruntled youth rebelling against society.  You know, the kind of boy that good girls were supposed to stay away from, but who sometimes proved irresistible.  

Kagome didn’t know about that, but she definitely agreed that the modern clothing her mother had purchased looked good on him.  But they were baggy, consisting mostly of loose-fitting jeans and slightly oversized t-shirts.  As she had told her mother, ‘Inuyasha doesn’t do tight.’  Kagome quickly found that she didn’t care if he looked like the founding member of one of the strangest gangs in Tokyo.  It was nice to have him with her, to be doing something that only couples did in this era, even something as innocent as him walking her to school.  

She should have expected some fallout, of course, especially from her three girlfriends at school.  That conversation at lunch on Tuesday with Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi had been interesting as well.  Perhaps ‘interrogation’ would have been a more appropriate term.  Yes, that’s the violent jerk I told you about.  No, he’s not full-blood Japanese.  No, he’s not two-timing me anymore.  Reluctant yes, when asked if we’ve kissed.  Embarrassed stutter, when asked if we’ve done anything more.  Desire to jump off the roof?  Definitely yes.  

Okay, so maybe it hadn’t been that bad.  Her friends were honestly glad to see her working things out with the boy she liked.  They met him officially later that day at the school gate.  Inuyasha had been civil, if not overly sociable.  But she thought he’d made a decent impression on the three schoolgirls.  

“Feeling better, sweetheart?”  

Her mother’s voice broke her from her musings, and she realized she was still smiling.  She nodded.  

“Yep.  Just thinking…”

Mama chuckled.  “You always smile like that when thinking about him.  Well, usually.”  

Kagome briefly considered what an open book she was, but her mother’s last two words threw her for a loop.  She frowned contemplatively.  Mama had seen her sad, angry, and even heartbroken because of Inuyasha, but had she ever been informed of the reason behind those emotions?  Looking back, Kagome didn’t think so.  

“Mama, did I ever tell you about Kikyou?”  

“Is this ‘Kikyou’ person the reason you come back depressed sometimes?”  

And there was Kagome’s answer.  It was time to remedy that oversight.  Now that she had moved into a sort of committed relationship with Inuyasha, her mother deserved to know about the ‘other woman’ in his life.  Maybe it would help her to understand exactly what she and Inuyasha were to each other now, and why it had to be that way.  

So Kagome told the tale, from Kikyou and Inuyasha’s budding relationship fifty years prior to her arrival in the feudal era, all the way through to Kikyou’s hurtful words a couple weeks ago.  Her mother’s reaction shifted several times during the story, from initial sympathy, to sympathy mixed with annoyance, and finally to righteous indignation.  

“I can’t believe she accused you of…of…ooh!  That makes me so mad!  And that Inuyasha!  He’s getting a stern talking to the next time I see him.”  

“Mama, wait,” Kagome pleaded, wondering if she should have omitted some of the less savory details.  “Inuyasha was just in shock, the same as me.  He apologized later.  That night was when he promised to stay with me.”  

“For how long?  Until your child is grown up?” her mother demanded incredulously, reading from Kagome’s reaction that she had hit the nail on the head.  “And then what?  Will he go to hell with this Kikyou witch?”    

“I…”

“ThatR 17;s terrible, Kagome!  You need to set him straight.  He either needs to commit to you or go with Kikyou.  Tell him to quit stalling and just pick one of you already!”  

“It’s not that simple, Mama!” Kagome retorted fiercely.  She grimaced, seeing her mother’s point but knowing in her heart that it wasn’t right.  Inuyasha had grown close to her because she had never forced him to choose between herself and Kikyou.  She had allowed him to become her best friend and possibly more without giving up his relationship with his former love.  Without that concession, he would have kept her at arm’s length, because he had never been ready to move on from Kikyou even before her resurrection.  Giving him that ultimatum now would only drive them apart, and potentially ruin any chances of him choosing her, Kagome, over Kikyou later.  Now, how to explain that to her fuming mother…

“Mama, Inuyasha isn’t like most guys.  He’s honorable to a fault, and he takes it really hard when he feels he’s let someone down.  He feels responsible for Kikyou’s death.  He thinks he owes her his life, and no one is ever going to be able to tell him that he doesn’t.  He has to figure it out on his own.  All I can do is be there for him, try to show him what love and trust are really like.  I…I love him, Mama.  Please, please don’t say anything to him.”  

Her mother studied her for several long moments, her gaze softening with understanding.  Finally she leaned back in the seat with her eyes closed and heaved a frustrated sigh.  

“Well, I’ll give you one thing,” she conceded.  “It’s really not simple at all.  To have your old love interest come back from the grave and blame you for her untimely death…I really can’t imagine what that’s like.”  

“It’s hard even for me, and I’m Kikyou’s reincarnation,” Kagome told her.  “But I understand why Inuyasha feels the way he does.  I accept him for who he is now.  Don’t get me wrong; I wish he felt differently.  But, all I can do is be there for him,” she repeated.  

Her mother sighed again.  “I hear you, Kagome.  I don’t like it but…I hear you.”  

Kagome grinned and hugged her mother, exceedingly glad that she had come around, albeit grudgingly.  

“Look at the bright side, Mama,” she proclaimed cheerfully.  “Inuyasha promising to be a parent with me is probably the biggest commitment he’s ever made in his life.”  

“Hm, that is something,” her mother admitted reluctantly.  “I suppose that the promise he made you was the most he felt able to give.”  

“Exactly!” Kagome exclaimed.  

Mama put her face in her hands.  “Ugh.  My little girl is stuck in a love triangle,” she lamented, only partially in jest.  “With a hanyou from the past and a crazed undead witch, no less.”  

“Mama,” Kagome scolded, “don’t be so hard on Kikyou.”  She immediately blanched, not quite believing that she had just gone to Kikyou’s defense.  She mostly just wanted to soothe her mother’s indignation.  But though Kikyou had done a lot wrong in both of her lives, she was not completely undeserving of sympathy.  

“Her story really is tragic, Mama.  When she found out that I was pregnant with Inuyasha’s child, I’m sure she was really hurt.  I can only imagine how I’d feel if I found out that Inuyasha slept with Kikyou.  And he and I don’t even have the history that the two of them do.”  

“I would say that you and Inuyasha are making your own history,” her mother observed sagely.  “May it be long and prosperous.”  

An awestruck “oh” was all Kagome could manage in response to her mother’s sincere well-wishing.  That, and a watery smile which brought tears to both of their eyes.  Kagome was suddenly very glad she had shared the complexities of her and Inuyasha’s relationship.  Her mother did not like his informal and open-ended commitment to her, any more than her grandfather did.  But she did make an effort to understand, and most importantly, she trusted Kagome to make her own decisions.  

The remaining few minutes of the train ride passed in companionable silence.  They arrived at the doctor’s office ten minutes early, and the doctor saw them on time, much to Kagome’s surprise.  She was still nervous going in, despite her mother’s reassurances, but the doctor’s friendly demeanor—and the fact that she was female—did much to put her at ease.  The doctor was clearly somewhat uncomfortable with Kagome’s age and marital status, but she promised that she would adhere to the privacy laws and not inform anyone, including her school.  She was also pleased to learn that the man who had impregnated her was in the picture, but had been called away on ‘urgent business.’  Obviously, the doctor was thinking that a marriage during a pregnancy was vastly better than having a child out of wedlock.  Kagome did not bother to elaborate on her and Inuyasha’s actual circumstances.  Despite a certain amount of judgment, the doctor behaved with a high degree of professionalism, so the interview was fairly comfortable.  

After the interview, the doctor performed a thorough physical examination which, while intrusive, was not as uncomfortable as Kagome feared.  And what came afterwards completely chased all of her anxiety away.  The ultrasound done at this early stage of pregnancy did not reveal much, mostly just a black void containing a tiny blob.  The fetus appeared only vaguely humanoid.  But it left Kagome utterly awestruck nonetheless.  For within that tiny blob, pulsing with rapid, microscopic beats, was a newly-formed heart.  

To wrap up the appointment, the doctor gave her advice regarding nutrition and what new developments she might expect in the coming weeks.  Twice Kagome caught herself daydreaming, and was glad her mother was there to pick up the slack.  She felt badly for Inuyasha, since she knew it would have been even more amazing for him to see the ultrasound.  Growing up in the modern era, she at least had some idea of what to expect.  Inuyasha would have been the first man from the feudal era to see his child’s heart beating in the womb.  And if another ultrasound could be taken before fetal development had progressed far enough to reveal any youkai features, he still would be.  Kagome just hoped he wouldn’t be too disappointed today.  

She left the doctor’s office in high spirits, which rose even further when her mother declared that they were going to lunch at one of her favorite restaurants.  It was a little café on this side of Tokyo that made amazing oden, but was out of the way so she didn’t get to eat there often.  It just so happened that the restaurant was only a dozen or so blocks from the doctor’s office, as Kagome was thrilled to learn.  

After their meal, the two of them went shopping, again at Mrs. Higurashi’s suggestion.  Kagome did protest that her mother was spending too much money, but of course the latter brushed her off.  Her exact words were, ‘What good is having money if I can’t spend it on my children and grandchildren?’  Among the items purchased were a book about pregnancy, a moisturizer for dry skin, a few bras without underwire—her mother guaranteed that she would soon be grateful for those—and a few sets of looser, more comfortable outer clothing.  Kagome questioned the need for the clothing at present, but her mother responded that she had no idea what awaited her on the other side.  There was a chance that unforeseen circumstances would prevent her and Inuyasha from returning for several months, by which time her school uniforms would cease to be wearable attire.  Kagome shuddered at the mental image that little thought conjured up, and gave no further resistance about the clothing.  She did persuade her mother to drop her body pillow idea, since that would be too big and bulky to take back with her.  They were already going to be pushing the limits of what Inuyasha could tote around; strong as he was, he still only had two hands and one back.  

They didn’t return to the shrine until late afternoon.  Kagome was pleased to see a red-clad figure drop from the Goshinboku as they ascended the last few steps.  Evidently Inuyasha had been waiting for them, and none too patiently.  

“How’d it go?” he demanded as he walked over to meet them, utterly failing nonchalance.  He seemed both worried and curious, and equally determined not to show it.  Anyone with a set of eyes could see right through the charade, but Kagome decided to have some fun with him.  

“Fine,” she answered simply with a shrug, responding to his ‘casual’ question in kind.  “How was the extermination?  Tell me everything.”  

Inuyasha growled in frustration.  “Not much to tell,” he snapped quickly.  “Sango flushed it out easily, but then the bast—youkai,” he corrected, glancing at Mrs. Higurashi.  “Then it ran and I had to track it for half a day.  Pain in my a—  Ah, I mean, it was annoying as h—  Ah…”

“Yes, Inuyasha, we understand,” Mrs. Higurashi told him, sounding genuinely amused.  

“Keh.”  

Kagome had to wonder if he was attempting to curtail his potty mouth for the sake of the baby, or because he didn’t want to swear in front of her mother.  Probably the latter, she reflected.  She would have to work on that over the next eight months, if he didn’t correct the problem on his own.  Better to break the habit early and not slip up when the child was actually old enough to understand, and repeat, swear words.  

“So how was the doctor’s visit?” Inuyasha asked again, more irritably this time.  “And what the hell is all that?”  He motioned to the bags the two women were carrying.  

“Mama and I went shopping for some pregnancy-related items,” Kagome answered matter-of-factly, half expecting him to be upset that they hadn’t come straight home from the doctor’s office.  He might’ve said something along those lines, but Mrs. Higurashi broke in.  

“I’ll take them inside, dear,” she said, shifting her bags to one hand so she could take Kagome’s as well.  

“Keh.  I’ll take ‘em,” Inuyasha declared, quickly snatching the bags from both women and huffily carrying them into the house.  Kagome and her mother shared a look, each knowing that Inuyasha taking the bags was a way for him to express his gratitude without really saying ‘thank you.’  But Kagome figured she had thanked her mother enough for the both of them.  

She had Inuyasha leave the bags on the kitchen table, promising to return and unpack them later, and led him upstairs to her room.  Depending on how much detail he demanded, she might want parts of this conversation to be private.  

“Okay,” she began cheerfully, “what would you like to know?”

“Everything.”  

“Everything?  Inuyasha,” she teased, “I don’t think I can remember everything.”  

“I don’t care.  Just tell me everything you can remember.”  

And for the first time, Kagome realized that he was being completely serious.  His eyes bore a hardened edge of annoyance, but beneath swam frustration and guilt.  Kagome felt her amusement evaporate, to be replaced by genuine warmth.  It was heartening to see him so determined to be a part of her pregnancy.  He had nothing to be sorry for, obviously, but it would do no good to tell him that.  She had said it was okay if he missed the appointment before he left.  While she would convey this message to him again nonverbally, the most effective way to make him feel better right now would be to comply with his request and tell him everything about her day.  

Well, maybe not everything.  There were some details about the appointment that no one with a Y chromosome needed to know about, especially one from the past with little knowledge of modern medical practices.  And of course, she kept her conversation with her mother on the train to herself.  But other than that, she was happy to share her experience with Inuyasha.  He listened attentively, asking questions when he didn’t understand something, thought for the most part Kagome was able to anticipate the things he couldn’t comprehend and explain them.  He seemed especially interested in the doctor herself, and how she had treated her, probably because she was a stranger and he hadn’t been there to protect her.  He nodded in relief at Kagome’s positive review of the doctor’s demeanor and advice.  

She skipped over the ultrasound altogether, not wanting to make him regret his absence even more.  But her mind kept going back to it, wondering if it was the right choice to keep it from him.  Finally, after a lengthy mental argument, she decided that he deserved to know.  In retrospect, however, she should have prefaced her statement that she saw the baby’s heartbeat with some explanation of modern technology.  

“You WHAT?!!!”  

His panicked reaction took her aback, until she realized what he must be thinking.  From his perspective, the only way to view a fetal heartbeat would be to cut the mother open.  She could have kicked herself for her foolishness.  

“Don’t worry, Inuyasha,” she pleaded, holding both hands up to placate him.  He looked like he was a hair’s breadth away from ripping off her shirt and inspecting every centimeter of her stomach for incisions.  “They don’t actually cut you.  Here, we have what’s called an ultrasound.  It’s a special machine that can look inside you just by putting it on your belly.  And it’s completely harmless.”  

She could see the wheels turning in his head, his face sporting a confused frown as he tried to make sense of this entirely foreign technology.  Finally, he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her sternly.  

“Is this something most women in your time have done?”  At her vigorous nod, he relaxed visibly.  “And you’re sure it’s harmless?”  

“Yes, Inuyasha.  Would I do anything to hurt our baby?” she demanded, a little miffed by his lack of faith.  

He grimaced at her tone, snorted as if to brush off her indignation, and swiftly changed the subject.  

“So…you really saw the heartbeat?” he asked, his tone now one of wonder.  Kagome smiled and nodded, her irritation forgotten.  He stared down at her belly for a few seconds, then turned his head to the side and took to gazing out the window.  The hint of jealousy in his expression came as no surprise, but the way his cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment was unexpected.  He seemed to be mentally debating something, and Kagome couldn’t imagine what it was.  Finally he spoke, bringing her curious ponderings to an end.  

“Do you think…I could try to listen?”  

Kagome stifled a gasp.  Now she understood why he was embarrassed, as his proposal would require him to place his head against her stomach.  Innocent physical contact, to be sure, but still certainly beyond his normal comfort zone.  Kagome wasn’t sure it was within her comfort zone either, but she had no problem acquiescing to his request.  She just didn’t want him to hear nothing and be disappointed.  She would try to temper his expectations and keep him from getting his hopes up.  

“S-sure, Inuyasha.  But do you really think you’ll be able to hear anything?  The heartbeat seemed so faint on the ultrasound.”  

He managed a semi-confident smirk.  “These ain’t just for show, wench,” he declared, wiggling his ears.  

Kagome grinned despite her reservations.  She would just have to hope that his faith in his hearing ability was not misplaced.  Seeing her acceptance, Inuyasha knelt down before her and tentatively leaned his head against her stomach.  Kagome nudged him lower, knowing the fetus was fairly close to her hips at this stage.  He plastered his right ear against her shirt, covering his left ear with his hand and closing his eyes tightly, brow furrowed in concentration.  

After about thirty seconds of this, Kagome could tell that it wasn’t going well.  Inuyasha was starting to make little growls of frustration.  Before he gave up and went into pout mode for the rest of the day, Kagome decided there was one thing left to try.  She hoped her slightly elevated heartbeat would not interfere with his hearing.  At least she had gone with jeans and a blouse today due to the chill in the air, rather than a dress.  

“Here, try this,” she told him, gently pushing him away.  The annoyed look he shot her turned to shock when she lifted her shirt, baring her midriff.  Kagome felt a small thrill at the way the sight of her still-flat stomach captivated him for a few moments.  When he caught himself staring, he blushed hotly and glanced cautiously up at her, as if to ask if it was really okay.  Her encouraging smile confirmed that it was, and he gulped, then slowly placed his ear to her navel.  

She shuddered at the contact, tickled by his hair.  Misinterpreting her involuntary movements, he began to pull away, but she caught him with her free hand and guided him back to his previous position.  She moved him lower again, pulling down the waistline of her jeans just slightly to give him better access.  She was flushing fiercely by the time all of this was accomplished, but was satisfied that she had done all she could to help him.  Now she concentrated on breathing steadily and slowing her racing heartbeat.  

For several moments, Inuyasha had no more luck than he had with the added barrier of her shirt.  Then suddenly a gasp tore from his throat, his hands coming up to grasp her hips as he pulled her closer.  Kagome held her breath, surprised by the increased pressure on her tummy but not worried; it was not nearly intense enough to hurt the baby.  Mostly, she was simply ecstatic that Inuyasha was able to share this small moment with her, this first sensory affirmation of their parenthood.  She had glimpsed their child with her eyes, and he with his ears.  The look on his face was absolutely priceless; the word awestruck did not fully do it justice.  

“Wow,” was all he could manage in terms of speech.  He stayed that way for several long moments, which felt like a small eternity to Kagome.  Finally he seemed to realize that something was off with her, as he pulled back enough to gaze up at her face.  

He smirked in amusement.  “You can breathe, wench.”  

Kagome let out the breath she’d been holding in one huge whoosh.  Inuyasha shook his head at her antics and went back to his new favorite pastime.  Now one of his hands rested at the small of her back, holding her in place, all traces of his customary shyness temporarily gone.  Kagome couldn’t blame him for that; seeing the heartbeat had been emotionally overwhelming for her as well.  And she was glad to learn that Inuyasha could apparently still hear it even over her quiet breathing.  She was sure this wouldn’t be the last time he asked to listen to the baby, and not having to hold her breath would make the experience much more pleasant for her.  

At last he pulled away for good, still wearing an expression of wonder.  He stood, grinned warmly at her for a moment, and enfolded her in a heartfelt embrace.  Kagome could feel the gratitude rolling off him in waves.  She laughed happily and hugged him back, closing her eyes and enjoying the moment.  

“It kind of brings it home, doesn’t it?” she said.  “We’re really having a baby.”  Here, in Inuyasha’s arms, it was easy to focus on the positive feelings that statement brought up, rather than fears and insecurities.  

Inuyasha tensed, and Kagome wondered if she had said something wrong.  But when she pulled back and gazed up at him, she found that he did not appear upset.  He was frowning, but seemingly in contemplation, his eyes unfocused as if reliving a memory.  

“Inuyasha?”

He jumped at the sound of her voice, but his frown did not go way.  Instead, he focused his attention on her, as if she was the source of his confusion.  

“I meant to ask,” he began, speaking hesitantly.  “The other day when we first came back here, your mom asked if you’d ‘definitely decided to have the baby.’  As if…as if there was another option.  What did she mean?”  

Kagome cringed at the question.  What Inuyasha was referring to was when her mother had surreptitiously asked her if she had considered getting an abortion, a topic she had been hoping to avoid ever discussing with him.  Perhaps that was foolish of her.  Ultimately, it was her body and her choice.  But they were partners in this, and as such Inuyasha probably deserved to know all of their options.  But she dreaded what he might say.  If he told her to abort the baby, what would she do?  It would be a terrible situation to be in, since she wanted to keep it.  If she gave in, she would never be able to look at herself the same way again.  And if she refused, her relationship with Inuyasha would suffer a serious blow.  But there was nothing for it.  Now that he had posed the question, he wouldn’t let her get away with anything less than a straight answer.  

“Mama was asking me if I’d thought about getting an abortion,” Kagome admitted miserably.  

“What’s that?”

“It’s a way to…terminate the pregnancy.”  

His eyes widened, but otherwise he made no overt reaction.  “So…the baby would die?”  

“Yes, it would.”  

“And you…thought about it?”  

“I did,” Kagome stated firmly.  “And I decided that I didn’t want to do it.”  

Inuyasha digested that information silently, his neutral expression giving nothing away.  Kagome began to fidget, literally itching to know what was going on inside that head of his.  Finally, she could take no more of the silence.  

“Inuyasha, you don’t think…I should get an abortion, do you?”  

“No!”

The immediacy and forcefulness of his response surprised both of them.  He drew back, sinking once more into contemplation.  This time Kagome was content to give him time to fully gather his thoughts.  There was no misinterpreting his one-word reply; he wanted to keep the baby as well.  It filled her with warmth, and a desire to hug him again.  But he looked like he wanted to say more, so she determined to wait patiently for him to speak.  

“No,” he repeated at last, “I don’t want you to get an abortion.  I just…I’m surprised, is all.”  

“About what?”

“That you…I mean, you had a way out, Kagome.  And you didn’t even think enough of it to tell me about it.”  

“Well you feel the same, so what does it matter if I told you or not?” she demanded defensively.  

Inuyasha shook his head.  “That’s not what I meant.  You had a way out, Kagome.  You could have escaped the burden of bearing my child.  Me, some poor hanyou who can’t pass as human or even marry you like your family wants.  There’s not another woman alive, now or in the past, who wouldn’t have leapt at that chance.  And you…you probably didn’t even think about it for very long before deciding to keep our baby instead.  That’s…”

His words failed him at this point, but the few tears pooling in his eyes spoke volumes.  Kagome moved close and took his hands, holding them against her chest as she gazed up into his eyes, those breathtaking orbs of molten gold.  

“You’re right, Inuyasha,” she told him lovingly.  “I didn’t think about it for very long.  I didn’t have to.  I…I would not have chosen this path two months ago.  But now that I’m on it, I don’t want to go back.  I want to bear your child.  I want to live with you and raise our child together.  And that’s really all there is to it.”  

Inuyasha closed his eyes and smiled, just a tiny upward curve of his lips.  When he opened them again, Kagome gasped at the intensity burning within.  There it was again, the unspoken love she thought she had glimpsed in the tree, the night he promised to stay with her.  She remained frozen in place, captivated by his gaze, unable to move or speak.  Fortunately, Inuyasha did not make her wait.  

“That’s the most amazing thing,” he declared, his tone soft and awestruck.  “You don’t even seem to realize how special you are.”  

Then he was leaning toward her, his eyes sliding shut as he closed the distance, his lips pursing slightly.  His arms slid around her, pulling her close, his hold loose enough so she could pull away if she wanted to.  But Kagome had no thoughts of withdrawing.  She took one step forward, allowing him to draw her in, standing on tiptoe as she leaned up to meet him.  

They came together much as they had on that night almost three weeks ago.  Their dry lips pressing chastely against each other, but creating so much heat that it felt like they might burn.  But unlike that evening, Kagome was not satisfied.  Inuyasha had probably intended the kiss as a sweet expression of gratitude, but this was not enough for her.  And when he moved to pull away, she acted on her desires without thinking.  She quickly looped her arms around his neck, pressing her body more fully against his while maintaining contact with his lips.  Then she parted her lips and smoothly slipped her tongue inside his mouth.  

She swallowed his shocked gasp, her body questing, seeking something of its own accord.  His hands rose to her shoulders as if to push her away, but in the next moment a hungry growl emanated from his throat and his arms wrapped tightly around her.  His tongue rose to duel passionately with hers, until finally Kagome gave up and allowed herself to be dominated.  One of his hands slipped down to cup her denim-clad backside possessively, drawing a needy mewl from her as she realized that mere kissing was not enough either.  

Inuyasha evidently reached the same conclusion.  How they made it to her bed, Kagome would never know.  One moment she was standing in his passionate embrace; the next she found herself sandwiched deliciously between the soft mattress and the intoxicating hardness of his body.  Even more impressively, he had somehow executed the entire movement without breaking their lip lock.  A pleasured groan escaped her throat as a clawed hand slipped under her shirt, leaving tendrils of flame dancing across her stomach.  She arched her back, pressing her breasts against the hard planes of his chest, silently begging for more.  He obliged, his hand moving slowly upwards, until the tips of his claws brushed the underside of her bra.  She moaned into the kiss, throbbing with anticipation, losing control for just a split-second and accidentally biting his tongue.  

And then her arms were empty, the heat which had enveloped her body torn cruelly away from her.  She shivered at the sudden loss of warmth, or perhaps it was a shudder of unfulfilled need.  When she leaned up on her elbows and opened her eyes, she spied Inuyasha squatting on the floor across the room.  He was panting, staring at her with heavy-lidded eyes, his lips swollen and his cheeks flushed.  It was then that higher brain function began to come back online for Kagome.  She could see awareness returning to Inuyasha’s amber orbs as well, as both pairs of eyes widened impossibly.  Inuyasha was the first to look away, but Kagome followed suit immediately thereafter.  She found it nearly impossible to believe what had just occurred, but the tingling in her lips and the gradually receding heat in her body provided ample evidence.  She supposed she should try to break the awkward silence, since she was the one who escalated the encounter from innocent to sexual.  She shuddered again at the memory.  She had never known that her body was capable of such passion.  And Inuyasha had barely touched her.  

She wondered how far they would have gone if she had not bitten his tongue.  For once she was grateful for her inexperience with kissing, since it had provided a fortuitous interruption of their activities.  The awkwardness they were now feeling would have grown exponentially worse the more intimate their encounter became.  Still, a rather influential part of her was drowning in disappointment.  

“Inuyasha.”  “Kagome.”

Their eyes met briefly after their simultaneous utterances, then immediately broke off again.  

“Go ahead,” Inuyasha told her.  

“N-no, please, you go ahead.”  

He grimaced.  “I was just going to ask when your next appointment was.”  

“Oh.  It’s, um…four weeks from yesterday.  So twenty-seven days.”  

Inuyasha nodded.  “I’ll go tell the others that we’re leaving first thing tomorrow.”  He rose to his feet and stalked toward the door.  

“Wait!” Kagome cried, wobbling slightly as she stood.  Her hand had reached out for him automatically, but she dropped it to her side.  He had paused on his way to the door, and though his eyes were trained straight ahead, his left ear was turned in her direction.  

“I’ll go with you,” she said, almost pleading.  “If that’s okay…”

He studied her for a moment, disparate emotions warring in his gaze.  He looked like he simultaneously wanted to go back to making out and run away with his tail between his legs.  She was glad when he instead chose a middle course, nodding in acceptance and exiting the room.  She followed him downstairs, taking in his stiff movements and how tense his shoulders were.  When she asked him to help her unpack the shopping bags, he complied without comment.  As she removed the tags and folded her new clothes, Kagome kept glancing at his face, but she couldn’t get much of a read on his emotions.  At the very least, he did not seem upset with her.  Shocked and a bit scared maybe, but not angry.  

Task completed, she led him out to the well house.  They jumped into the time slip one after the other.  In the feudal era, Inuyasha leapt out first and offered her a hand up, rather than simply grabbing her and carrying her out as he might have done normally.  Kagome tried not to be too disheartened; it was natural for him to be somewhat edgy around her after their little make-out session.  She just hoped he wouldn’t withdraw too far away from her emotionally.  

They found Kaede’s hut empty save for the elderly miko.  The rest of the Inu-gang was out doing various things, and Inuyasha immediately volunteered to go find them, leaving Kagome behind before she could even propose accompanying him.  She got the feeling that what he really wanted was some time to himself.  He probably wouldn’t even look for the others right away.  She heaved a miserable sigh, now more worried than ever about what her impulsiveness had caused.  Being with him like that had just felt so natural, so right, that she hadn’t thought of the consequences.  She blushed lightly at the memory.  With Inuyasha kissing and touching her like that, she hadn’t been thinking much of anything.  

“You seem upset, child,” Kaede observed.  “Did something happen between you and Inuyasha?”  

Kagome plastered on a fake smile.  “No, Kaede-baa-chan.  Everything’s fine; nothing happened.”  You know, aside from me nearly taking Inuyasha to second base.

Kaede frowned but made no further comment on the subject.  Instead, she walked to the center of the room and removed the pot from over the fire, adding wood and kindling to enliven the blaze.  Then she sat down before the fire and motioned to the spot opposite her.  

“Please sit, child.”  

Kagome moved closer to the fire, her curiosity peaked.  “What’s this about, Kaede-baa-chan?”  

Kaede shook her head.  “You must trust me, child.  Do as I say and ask no questions.”  

Now Kagome was officially weirded out, but she did trust Kaede, so she nodded her assent and did as she was bid.  The old miko smiled reassuringly at her, then closed her eyes and began breathing slowly and deeply.  Kagome found herself mirroring this behavior automatically.  

“Good, child.  Breathe deeply.  You must clear your mind of all negative thoughts.  Gaze into the fire, allow the flames to soothe you and bear your concerns away.”  

Idly, Kagome reflected that this was similar to what a modern hypnotist might say to put someone under.  She was fairly certain that Kaede was not trying to hypnotize her, so she followed her instructions.  Surprisingly, they seemed to have a significant effect.  There was something mesmerizing about the undulating flames, the reds, oranges and yellows dancing together in harmony.  

“Good, child.  Breathe deeply.  Relax your muscles.  Allow the tension to flow from your body.  Breathe deeply.”  

She did, over and over again, the repetitive, calming action lulling her into a state of profound serenity.  

“Good, child.  You are at peace.  Now, close your eyes.”  

She did.  

“Good, child.  You are at peace.  Now, focus on the unborn child within you.  Think about your love for this child, the strength of your desire to protect it from all harm, your hopes and dreams for the bright future it will have.  Think only of your child.  Breathe deeply.”  

Kagome felt a smile come to her lips.  Pure warmth burgeoned in her chest, unadulterated love swelling her heart.  In this state of absolute tranquility, she had never felt so happy to be pregnant.  

“Now, child,” Kaede stated, her voice carrying a sense of urgency this time.  “Reach down within yourself.  Find your spiritual center, and call upon the power you once wielded.”  

The old miko’s voice continued to repeat this message, seemingly growing farther and farther away until Kagome lost it altogether.  For several moments she felt nothing, only a dark void surrounding her.  Then, below her feet, a light appeared.  Gradually she descended, the light continually growing brighter and larger until it enveloped her entire being.  The light was her, and she was the light.  It felt like meeting a long lost friend.  And with a mother’s unbridled love warming her heart, she embraced the light with everything she was.  

“Now open your eyes, child.”  

The proximity of Kaede’s voice surprised her.  When her eyelids struggled open, still weighed down by her trance-like state, she found the old miko grinning broadly at her from across the fire.  The firelight danced across her wizened visage, but there was something else, another source of illumination which cast a pinkish glow entirely unlike the fierce flames.  It took Kagome a moment to realize that the source of this otherworldly aura was her.  

She gasped, her whole body seizing up at once and dropping her roughly back into reality.  She ran her hands all over her body, but the mysterious glow was already gone.  There was no mistaking its identity, however.  Even now, she could feel the residual tingle of her spiritual energy on her skin, sense the power resting deep down inside her as it used to.  Light had replaced the void which had gripped her ever since her child’s conception.  Too stunned to rejoice, she instead turned to her mentor.  

“How?” was all she could manage.  

“Do you know why most of the people in this world would say that you lost your spiritual power, Kagome?” Kaede posed sagely.  She waited a few moments for a response, but none was forthcoming from her dazed pupil.  “Most would blame the loss of your purity as the culprit.  They would be correct…and entirely wrong.  It was not the act of having relations with Inuyasha which caused your power to become dormant, but the child he left in your womb.  In terms of raw power, you rival my sister.  But you are untrained, and do not possess the experience to fully control your abilities.  Had you been able to access your spiritual energy before today, you would likely have accidentally purified the quarter-youkai child within you.  For a creature so small and fragile, this would surely have resulted in death.  Spiritual power flows from a person’s soul.  Even though you did not realize you were with child, your soul instinctively comprehended the danger and rendered your spiritual energy dormant.

“And now, you have reestablished the connection with that part of yourself once more.  You have learned how to channel your energy around your child so that it will not be harmed.  As long as you fight with a mother’s love in your heart, you will be able to fight as a miko.”  

As the import of Kaede’s words sank in, Kagome’s stupor subsided.  Excitement rose within her, threatening to boil over into celebratory cheers.  The burden of helplessness, which had weighed so heavily upon her, was finally lifted.  She could protect her friends in battle again.  In a way, now that she had her power back, she was glad that she had temporarily lost it.  Absent that turn of events, she might never have learned how much they valued her company.  Still, to be whole again before resuming their quest was a greater gift than she could have ever hoped for.  

She ran around the fire and nearly tackled Kaede with an exuberant embrace.  

“Thank you!  Thank you so much, Kaede-baa-chan!”  

The old miko chuckled, as much as she could with her lungs compressed as they were.  

“Think nothing of it, child.  I am glad my hunch proved correct.”  

“Your hunch?”

“Aye, child.  ‘Twas only a hunch.  I was not certain it would work.”  

“Well, I’m so glad that it did.  Thank you.”  

“You are most welcome, Kagome.  Now, go find a quiet place and practice summoning your power until it becomes second nature to you.  In the heat of battle, you must be as quick as you ever were.”  

Kagome nodded resolutely, and after a few more expressions of gratitude thrown in for good measure, left the hut to find somewhere to practice her newly rediscovered abilities.  Somewhere she felt comfortable, somewhere she could focus…  She knew the perfect spot.  

Inuyasha took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his raging blood, and immediately regretted it.  He had thought that spending a little alone time in Goshinboku would help him relax, but the front of his clothing still smelled very strongly of Kagome.  And not her typical sweet, innocent aroma either.  No, this one was far more sensual, calling out to the lustful, animalistic side of him.  He shook his head to banish the memories, but they were persistent.  A minute later he caught himself daydreaming with an appreciative growl rumbling in his throat.  He glared down at the tent in his hakama as if it were the source of all his problems, and adjusted himself to make it more comfortable.  The damn thing had been going up and down ever since he’d escaped from Kagome’s clutches.  

Yes, he’d escaped all right…after getting himself into trouble in the first place.  He was an idiot; he should have put a stop to their hot and heavy lip lock immediately.  He’d almost managed it, right after she deepened the kiss, but then his brain had switched off with a resounding ‘ah, fuck it.’  And the rest, as they say, is history.  

The unfortunate thing about history was that it could never be undone.  There was little point in second-guessing himself now, but he was damn sure going to do it, if only to give himself something to feel guilty over.  He was a man, and as such he should be in control of his urges at all times.  But on the other hand, he was a man, and how the hell was any man supposed to resist when a beautiful girl threw herself at him like that?  What was that saying Miroku liked to use?  ‘Shame on a man who does not accept a woman’s proposition.’  That had always seemed like a flimsy excuse when the bouzu used it, and it felt the same now.  He was just grateful that Kagome had bitten his tongue when she did.  The sudden pain woke him up to exactly what they were doing.  And where his hand had almost been.  

It was scary how passionate they had become so quickly, and how easy it was to fall under Kagome’s spell.  Not that her enchantment had been intentional; she had honestly seemed to be simply reacting to touch and taste, the same as him.  And it was abundantly clear that she had enjoyed everything he’d been doing.  She had wordlessly begged for more, and he had been only too happy to oblige.  Again, he was glad it had ended before they went too far.  

That of course begged the question—what was too far?  His preference in women certainly wasn’t the problem; he did not regret anything they had done for his own sake.  And as he’d previously concluded, nothing he did with Kagome felt like a betrayal of Kikyou.  But there was a big difference between an accidental drunken tryst and knowingly engaging in sexual activity while sober.  Kikyou had told them to feel free to continue their ‘fornications,’ but that didn’t mean anything given her state of mind at the time.  So the question was whether he betrayed Kikyou by partaking in those activities with Kagome now.  

The answer was unclear, his conscience muddied.  Logically, he should feel bad for what he did, for surrendering to Kagome’s loving embrace while he was still promised to Kikyou.  But again, it didn’t feel like a betrayal.  Either his conscience was broken, or it was trying to tell him something.  

His conscience did choose that moment to hit him with some guilt, so maybe it wasn’t broken after all.  But the source of said guilt was surprising.  It wasn’t Kikyou he felt bad for, but Kagome herself.  After all, men and women from his time normally only fooled around when there was at least a promise of marriage in place.  What could he promise Kagome?  That he would stay with her until their child was an adult.  And that was it.  Fifteen years tops, less if some unforeseen tragedy struck.  Hell, he couldn’t even guarantee that their child would make it out of the womb alive.  And on this lamest, flimsiest of promises, Kagome was willing to let him kiss her, hold her, touch her in places no one else could.  She would have given herself to him completely this afternoon, had their encounter been allowed to progress to its natural conclusion.  

Clearly, this was not fair to Kagome.  And she obviously could not be counted on to correctly judge what was fair, since she been the one who escalated their contact from innocent to sexual.  If he pressed her on it, she would probably say something like ‘Why don’t you let me decide what’s fair.’  Her heart was that big.  If she wanted to be with him in that way, she would push toward that goal without reservation.  Because she clearly didn’t care if she was getting the raw end of the deal.  Otherwise, she wouldn’t be carrying his child right now.  She would have gone to get an abortion the minute she came through the well.  

He shook his head, still not quite believing that Kagome had rejected such an opportunity.  She had chosen to bear his child, when no one would have thought less of her for choosing otherwise.  It was beyond incredible to him.  And that was why he needed to control himself around her, why what happened this afternoon couldn’t happen again.  She was an amazing person, and he didn’t deserve her.  She deserved someone who would cherish her for the rest of her days, who could be there for her until his last dying breath.  And he could not make either promise.  If there came a time when the situation changed, and he was free to give his life to her, then he would revisit his decision.  But until that day, he would keep his distance.  It would be hard, on both of them, but it was for Kagome’s own good.  

And if things didn’t work out, he hoped she would find love with someone else.  He didn’t want her to be lonely for the rest of her life, despite how jealous the thought of her being with another man made him feel.  But he didn’t get to keep her for himself and not give himself to her in return.  It didn’t work that way.  And someday, she would understand that.  She might even thank him for it.  

Someday.  She would certainly not thank him for his discretion today, or anytime soon for that matter.  There were times for being open and honest with her, and there were times when she just didn’t need to know everything going on inside his head.  This was one of the latter.  So when her scent wafted to him on the breeze, he didn’t panic.  Whether she was out here looking for him or on her way back to her time, he would play it cool.  

She jogged into view a few moments later, excited and breathless.  Inuyasha swallowed hard, imagining that she might look much the same in the afterglow of making love.  After mentally beating his perverted imagination senseless, he leapt down from the tree to land a few meters in front of her.  Watching her secretly from above would only make encourage his wayward imagination.  

She gave a little cry of fright at his appearance, and stumbled back a step while holding a hand over her heart.  To his horror, this action also struck him as oddly erotic.  He groaned internally.  It was hopeless.  Completely fucking hopeless.  

“What’re you doing out here, wench?” he demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.  He didn’t like her wandering off on her own, no matter how close she was to the village or the well.  Plus, feigning anger was a nice way to cover those other, unmentionable feelings.  

She brightened immediately, which surprised him.  And when she sauntered over to him with an eager grin and a mischievous glint in her eye, he seriously considered bolting.  But as it was, her presence and scent rooted him to the spot.  He stood there helplessly as she grabbed his hand, then closed her eyes and concentrated.  

“Aack!” he cried, yanking his hand away from the stinging sensation.  “What the fuck was th—”

He froze, suddenly understanding why Kagome was so happy.  She was literally bouncing with excitement.  His reaction was more muted, but a genuine smile came to his lips.  With issues seemingly piling up between them as of late, it was nice to put one in the ‘solved’ category.  

“So you got your power back, eh wench?”  

“Yep!  It was because I didn’t know how to channel the energy around the baby, but Kaede-baa-chan showed me.  I was going practice under Goshinboku, but I guess I could do it in my time…”

He shrugged.  “Practice here.  It don’t matter to me.”  

“Are you sure?  You don’t mind?” she asked, her tone doubtful.  She probably thought that he wouldn’t want to be around her right now, he reflected.  Understandable, given how he’d ditched her earlier.  But honestly, once he’d had some time alone to think, he’d found that nothing was further from the truth.  Perhaps it was the sudden good news, but much of the awkwardness between them had already worn off.  And when he’d sworn to himself to keep her at arm’s length, he’d only meant in the physical sense.  Talking to her and just spending time with her in general—these he could handle.  If he were being truly honest, he would admit that those times were often the highlight of his day.  The last thing he wanted was to lose them.  

But obviously, he wasn’t ready to admit any of this aloud.  

“Keh.  Someone has to keep an eye on you, wench.”  

Without further comment, he leapt up to his previous perch.  He’d meant his statement as playful, and Kagome appeared to take it as such.  She settled down underneath him, and he observed her casually as she practiced summoning her spiritual energy.  By the end of the session, he could tell she was quite satisfied, and he felt a surge of pride.  She had come so far since those early days, transformed from ditzy schoolgirl to confident miko and mother-to-be.  He knew he had done some growing up as well, mostly thanks to her.  He thought back to that afternoon in the well, the day they’d returned to the modern era.  It was solely due to her unwavering faith that he held out hope that he could be a decent father.  Because she believed in him, he could believe in himself.  

She clapped her hands together and stood, turning to gaze up at him.  

“I’m going to go have one more hot bath before we head out tomorrow.  Want to come back with me?  I’ll make you some ramen.”  

He snorted, secretly amused that she still thought she had to bribe him with ramen.  He had planned to go with her anyway, but there was no way in hell he was going to turn that offer down.  

Grinning, he vaulted down from the tree and moved to join her.  


A/N – If you were wondering, I had always planned to have Inuyasha decide to keep his distance.  From my read of him in canon, he seems to understand how Kagome gets a raw deal.  But of course he’s too attached to her to refuse when she offers to stay with him anyway.