InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Eien Ni Nakunatta Shunkan: A Moment Lost Forever ❯ Chapter 13 ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

ANYWAY, AS USUAL, TYPOS AND GENERAL SAPPINESS ABOUND. THE STORY --- AND EVEN THE SEQUEL --- IS TOTALLY OUTLINED and THE NEXT CHAPTER IS INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST.

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Chapter 13: Sesshoumaru-sama, Okaeri Wo

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Sesshoumaru froze at that small, tremulous query. He recognized the soft voice, even as he registered the rattle of cold steel on the stone floor and her gentle scent on the breeze.

Rin.

He turned slowly, not sure if he was really prepared to gaze upon her yet. At first, all he could see was her silhouette haloed against the bright sunlight behind her. But as she continued to creep softly down into the cavern, gliding her hands against the rock wall for support, his heart turned. There was the same stubborn courage, the same audacious defiance, but she looked so different now.

She seemed so sad --- her entire expression and posture utterly mournful and cheerless.

Rin's hazel eyes were full of fear and mistrust, and she would not return his gaze. How could he ever have thought, even for one small moment, that he wanted to see her like this? How could he have ever believed that he wanted to see her cower before him in terror?

As she tread closer, moving deeper into the forge, only one phrase echoed over and over in Rin's mind: Please, let it be over quickly. The young woman came to a dutiful stop within striking range the Tenseiga. She could not look at Sesshoumaru's face, however, her eyes seemingly transfixed and mesmerized by the gleaming blade.

She watched in numb disbelief as the great sword was slowly lowered and re-sheathed. Rin couldn't understand --- all thoughts were dulled by doubt and suspicion. She looked up questioningly, her immense confusion finally making her brave enough to search his face for answers to her fate. But Lord Sesshoumaru had already turned away.

"I will do as you advise, old man," he stated flatly. "This girl will come with me."

Rin was stunned. What? Sesshoumaru-sama was going to take her back? Why? This was not what she had been expecting at all. The taiyoukai did not even seem to acknowledge her in the least as he addressed Totosai with finality. "Tell her to gather her belongings and make ready to travel --- immediately."

Rin's initial shock and relief faded, and she flushed in indignation. Her fate was being decided again as if she wasn't even present --- as if she didn't even matter!

But how she had desired this! She had wanted it for so long! How many hours had she spent in the darkness crying herself back to sleep, wishing that her life now was nothing more than a bad dream as well? How many times had she silently prayed and begged to any strange god she could remember that he would suddenly return for her?! But now ----

Her small hands curled into tight fists and something snapped deep inside her. She thought of the terrifying night he came to claim his new armor, the way he'd callously threatened and harmed the miko, and, most of all, the manner in which he'd just cast HER aside to begin with! Before she could stop herself, she threw back her head and shrieked, "No!"

Totosai snapped around, his eyes bulging from their sockets even more than usual. He waved his arms wildly in obvious warning for her to behave herself and be silent.

"No!" Rin continued, "I won't be quiet! I WON'T GO BACK TO BEING HIS --- HIS ---" She choked and sputtered, not caring how insane she appeared, not caring if this tirade cost her life. "I WON'T RETURN TO BEING NOTHING MORE THAN HIS PET!"

The old sword-smith moaned and slapped a leathery hand to his wrinkled brow in dismay. He had taken a huge gamble in explaining the full scope of Tenseiga's powers to Sesshoumaru, and his blind show of faith and trust had been repaid admirably --- SO FAR. But he wasn't sure how much further the powerful demon would allow himself to be pushed! He knew the ruthless taiyoukai was already feeling trapped and helpless, and testing the measure of his patience was not the most prudent decision at the moment. Surely, HE would not tolerate THIS outburst and insubordination from his former ward.

Sesshoumaru looked absolutely appalled and aghast. In a heartbeat, he had vanished from the sword-smith's side only to rematerialize before the girl. Totosai cringed --- this might get awfully messy!

Rin's continuing fit of temper was cut short with a squeak of surprise as Sesshoumaru grabbed her chin roughly. His long fingers pressed against her small jaw, and she whimpered as he forced her head up to finally meet his piercing gaze. "YOU --- you NEVER were my --- `pet'," he hissed indignantly, as if the word were just as distasteful to his own ears as it was to hers. He released her as suddenly as he'd seized her, and moved to stand by the entrance of the cavern.

"Iku zo," he stated imperiously. `We're leaving.'

The young woman slumped to the floor with a gasp. Those were the same words he'd always stated her whole life whenever he meant for ALL OF THEM to depart together.

He noted her dazed look from the corner of his eye. "Gather your belongings, Rin," he repeated in a softer, though no less commanding tone.

Rin stared back in wonder. His full profile was hidden by the downy fluff of his tail and she could not read his expression in return. Her eyes blinked rapidly in bafflement and she rubbed her slightly aching jaw.

He didn't look upon her as merely a pet?! Never in her life had Sesshoumaru-sama ANSWERED any of her more meaningful, probing questions! Was his fierce reply only in her imagination? Did he just say what she thought he said?

Without another word of protest, Rin numbly moved to comply with her master's demands.

Sesshoumaru peeked back over his shoulder again, his apprehension somewhat fading as soon as he saw her yield and obey. His eyes followed her motions with an equal mix of relief and dread. For the slightest of moments, he had actually been afraid. Not afraid that she might refuse him; after all, it didn't matter if she tried to rebuff his order. Despite his shock at her initial outburst, he would have TAKEN her anyway, by force if necessary ---

There was simply too much at risk now.

Completely aside from whatever strange emotion was currently clamoring within his chest, he still had that damned `tie' to his power to consider! If she WAS truly linked to him in some bizarre way, he would not allow HER to go wandering around the countryside unprotected with HIS youki --- at least, not until he had a better understanding of how this all worked. The girl simply had NO choice in the matter.

There were so many disquieting thoughts raging through his mind to vex him at the present moment. The most troubling notion was that perhaps she might challenge him further by insisting upon an explanation of what she REALLY meant to him. What if she asked him here and now to define her TRUE role in his life? He wasn't sure if he could respond to such a question --- not being entirely certain of the answer himself.

The girl, however, very clearly didn't seem to be pondering over such deep or profound thoughts. Nor did she seem to be gathering much of anything. Sesshoumaru frowned, belatedly realizing that the girl already seemed to be carrying some sort of pack and was dressed for travel. Where the hell had she been?

He watched impassively as she moved to throw her arms around Totosai and he could smell the telling scent of falling tears.

"I don't know what to say, Ojii-sama," she whispered simply. "I just want to thank you for everything."

"It's all right, get going --- he's not gonna wait! You KNOW all too well what a temper this one has!" he whispered back, as Sesshoumaru continued to scowl. "Remember, you're always welcome here, young lady."

Rin pulled Totosai into a tight, final hug of farewell and together they walked into the bright sunlight behind the taiyoukai.

Sesshoumaru watched the emotional display of their parting with curiosity and --- and something else.Jealousy again, he supposed with chagrin. He turned away in confusion and reached down to pick up the well-designed, light naginata Rin had dropped to the floor when she had first entered the cave. He was impressed that she should have the strength and willpower to defeat the jyaki in the fang that formed the blade. Impressed --- and somehow not surprised.

He was still so puzzled --- the taiyoukai didn't know what his full intentions were, but after seeing the girl again after all these tense, lonely months, he knew he simply didn't want to be without her presence for another moment. He didn't have to make a decision regarding her ultimate fate right now, he reasoned. The demon lord simply resolved to return to his home in the west again, and debate his options thoroughly.

Staring appraisingly at Rin's slight form, he waited for her to close the distance between them. The young woman before him now was essentially a stranger --- nothing of the bright, laughing child he had known seemed to remain.

Though he hardly would have thought it possible for her to do so, Rin seemed to have lost weight. Her complexion was now far too pale and wan, and he angrily noted a few fresh bruises marring her throat and wrists --- what had happened?

It seemed the girl's eyes were the most dramatically changed thing about her--- they now appeared as impossibly ancient and tired as old Bokuseno's. All and all, it looked almost as if she could fall over and sleep for one hundred years. After all these day of racing across the countryside in fury and agitation, he suddenly imagined himself to be just as haggard and worn. He sighed. It would be best to travel as swiftly as possible. But to do that, he would have to --- have to ---

The taiyoukai shifted his weight uncomfortably.

Rin watched Sesshoumaru, clearly baffled by his halting, seemingly un-purposeful actions. He was just standing there, as if waiting for something. She kept moving forward when he did, only to stop abruptly when he paused. When was he going to move on so she could simply trot along in his footsteps? Isn't that the way it always worked in the past?

"Ahem," Totosai coughed. Rin turned back to the old youkai, her present bewilderment stamped clearly all over her face. "I think he means for you to go TO him," the sword-smith whispered perceptively. "I think he means to CARRY you!"

If possible, Rin appeared to look even MORE terrified than when she first entered the forge. She caught Sesshoumaru's eyes for a split-second as he regarded her critically. His eyebrows rose expectantly to disappear under the stark fringe of his heavy white bangs and he threw her an almost quizzical look.

"Oh," she breathed in understanding. She squared her shoulders and marched up to her master, trying to avoid his sharp gaze again. It wasn't hard to do --- he was so much taller than her! The crown of her head barely reached the crest of his armor!

Without a word, Sesshoumaru handed her back her weapon, and Rin blushed fiercely as his large hand quickly brushed against the back of hers. She didn't have much time to dwell on the strange feeling that the one simple touch evoked. Two seconds later, he had hauled her up tightly against him, his right arm circling securely around her shoulders, while the left moved low on her waist.

It was such a shock to be SO close to him. She was suddenly aware that the only other times he'd ever held her were when she was very young and, of course, that terrible evening when he'd originally abandoned her. And naturally, on THAT particular night she hadn't been able to focus on much of anything, save her fear and pain.

Rin swallowed hard and tried to make her heart stop racing. She bit her lip to distract herself, as she fleetingly wished that Sesshoumaru-sama's fine, long hair was free so she could finally feel the texture against her skin. She curled her arms around herself protectively and squeezed the naginata till her knuckles went white, hoping he couldn't sense her mortification.

She stared down in complete fascination as that strange fluffy thing seemed to divide and lengthen to lift them from the ground. They were smoothly swept into the air and began to glide down the mountain at an astonishingly rapid pace. She cast a quick look behind her to wave goodbye to Totosai one last time, and was amazed at how both Lord Sesshoumaru's dark attire AND her kimono seemed to flow out for yards upon yards behind them in a blurry mist. Gods, youkai powers were truly incredible! How could he do this so effortlessly?! She felt weightless and giddy, and it seemed as though all time was stopped; it was as if there was no air around her, but yet she could still breathe. This was even more exhilarating than streaking across the sky with Aun. Rin smiled slightly in spite of her fears.

The ground, merely meters below them, seemed to race by in nothing more than hazy blocks of muted color. They traveled swiftly through autumn forests filled with dense groves of tall bamboo, pine and cypress. It was staggering how easily he seemed to avoid all obstacles in his path with such subtle and restrained movements --- his every action so flowing, dexterous and calculated.

It ended all too soon. Shadows lengthened and the sun fell, though Rin guessed that they still had quite a distance yet to travel. Their pace slowed gradually, and Sesshoumaru veered towards a rocky outcropping. They drifted easily over a dry plain, and Rin gasped in recognition. This was the awful place where they had faced Naraku all those months ago! She suddenly felt deathly afraid again. Perhaps this was all some sort of twisted game or plot and he really DID intend to do her harm!

Sesshoumaru looked down, nonplussed. He could feel Rin tense at his side and he sensed the abrupt, severe change in her heart rate. His arms clenched around her for the slightest of moments as he continued to thoroughly scout for a suitable place to make camp. The taiyoukai had intended the securer hold to be somewhat reassuring, but it did not seem to bolster the girl in the slightest --- in fact, his tightened grip seemed to have the dramatically opposite effect. Now she was actually trying to resist, struggling against him in earnest! Now what?

The minute she felt Sesshoumaru's hold slacken again, Rin pressed her small palms firmly against the polished surface of his armor to push herself away from him. She shrugged free of the taiyoukai's taut grip and leapt from his side, stumbling to her knees from the sudden transition in speed. She scrambled through the loose stones as if he was about to attack her, and tucked her body into a rigid ball at the base of a large boulder.

Sesshoumaru looked on in sadness. He was suddenly reminded of how he had made Rin cower before his true form. With a deepening sense of remorse, he realized HE had brought this upon himself and had no one else to blame. His transformation and actions had doubtlessly given a new focus and face to the girl's nightmares, and he bitterly supposed her behavior now was only to be expected. The taiyoukai backed away slowly and stood watching her from the opposite side of the small gully. If only Jaken and Aun were here! Maybe their presences could have soothed her or put her mind at ease.

At the moment, he didn't know what he wanted, he wasn't sure what to do next --- all he knew was that he COULDN'T stand those usually kind and gentle eyes filled with such mistrust and apprehension. He turned from her miserable, huddled figure to glance up at the sky. The night was clear and cloudless, and the stars were twinkling peacefully --- the same as when he'd sent her away. The taiyoukai sighed ruefully.

He continued to steal tiny furtive glances back at the girl out of the corner of his eye. She was shivering, and not just from fear, he suddenly realized with concern. A strong breeze ruffled his long hair and the fur of his tail, and he was suddenly aware of just how cold the night had really become.

He supposed he should build a fire for her benefit. With a sour look, he noted there was woefully little tinder in this washed-out ravine. His grim expression continued to deepen into a full-out scowl as he realized would have to travel a fair distance to seek some out.

But after all the energy, thought, effort and anger he'd put into locating and collecting Rin, he couldn't just leave her in unfamiliar territory, no matter how short the duration of his absence. He could smell plenty of other youkai lurking within range and he couldn't imagine more enticing, tantalizing prey than her at the moment.

He cast another cautious look over Rin's form, utterly surprised to find her hazel eyes had drifted closed. In the end, it would seem that exhaustion had apparently won out over her great fear. His years of observing her silently in the dark confirmed she'd fallen fast asleep now --- he listened to the low sound of her heartbeat and watched her chest rise and fall in deep, even breaths. "Natsukashii," Sesshoumaru whispered with relief. Her heart had been pounding so amazingly fast when he'd held her close, he'd been afraid it would shatter or burst through her chest!

After all his cruelty and these months of separation, he couldn't be sure where her feelings lay anymore. Didn't Rin's defensive and self-protective actions just mere moments ago prove that she had obviously lost some of her unwavering faith and trust in him? Did she still care for him AT ALL, he wondered?

Sesshoumaru approached the girl stealthily, watching intently for any signs that she might suddenly awaken. Such a strange little creature, he mused.

He knelt slowly, peering down curiously to scrutinize her slumbering form. In her sleep, Rin's face had finally lost that horrible wary look, and he marveled at the shadows and the otherworldly white hue that the moon's light cast upon her. He reached out tentatively to trace the contours of her face, extremely mindful about the sharp tips of his claws. With the same cautious, feather-light touch, he casually brushed her long, unruly bangs off her forehead, breathing in the sweet scent of her sable hair. His eyes narrowed --- besides her gentle fragrance, he could also detect the foul odors of a sickening array of strange humans AND his damn half-brother as well. He focused angrily on an ugly bruise darkening her temple and continued to gingerly sweep her curls away from her neck, frowning at a few other contusions on her throat. He could smell blood and reached down to grab her small hand in his own, momentarily distracted by the dramatic difference in size. Her knuckles were raw, the thin skin scraped and torn. It was obvious that, like him, she had journeyed to the hanyou's village within the past few hours as well, and --- and it appeared those filthy vermin had ---

They had harmed her.

He growled, suddenly wishing he had given Inuyasha a more thorough and violent beating.

Another small tremor suddenly coursed through the girl's body. His growl died in his throat and he quickly released her tiny hand, feeling slightly self-conscious. There could be no doubt this time that her trembling was strictly in response to the brisk night air.

The taiyoukai watched as Rin continued to slumber on in spite of the chill and her obvious discomfort. The girl curled in on herself even further and randomly muttered a few nonsense phrases he couldn't quite make out.

Sesshoumaru settled beside the young woman, leaning his back on the large rock to stretch his tired legs comfortably out before him. He scowled for a few moments in indecision, completely unsure of just how to act.

Finally --- gently, slowly --- so as not to wake her, he reached down and pulled Rin into his lap with a sigh. He angled her body across the relatively un-armored, sword-arm side of his o-yorai, and settled his tail to encircle both of them for warmth. After all, this was truly the only logical, practical thing to do, he rationalized.

This was merely to protect her from the elements and to keep her from falling ill --- holding her so close meant nothing, he chanted over and over in his mind, even as his hand automatically moved to tenderly stroke her soft cheek again and again.

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Rin shifted as the first rays of sunlight splashed upon her face. She felt strange: so warm and comfortable, like she was still half-caught in a pleasant dream. Her back was pressed against something hard and unyielding, while her arms and chest were soothed and cosseted by something impossibly soft. She cracked a bleary eye and yawned. Something soft, warm and --- white?

Rin's eyes snapped open in full alarm and her cheeks flared immediately with heat. She gasped in surprise and tilted her chin upwards, staring right into Sesshoumaru-sama's amber eyes. His current look was blank, inscrutable and utterly impossible to read --- he simply blinked back down at her.

The girl blushed fretfully, pulling her koromo more tightly around herself in a perfunctory show of modesty and deep-rooted confusion. Sensing her intense distress and extreme embarrassment, Sesshoumaru released her at once, rolling to his feet and stepping back all in one poised, fluid motion.

Rin reached up reflexively to sleek down her sleep-tousled hair, and turned to study her present surroundings, eyes darting wildly over the barren gully and every feature of the desolate terrain --- anything to keep from looking at HIM.

Sesshoumaru glowered at her reaction. All of his initial fears from last night were proving painfully true --- he WOULD have to work to earn back her trust now; Rin seemed so suspicious and frightened of him. Sesshoumaru looked over to where she stood trembling. It was time to face reality --- he had been absolutely miserable without her. Though they had only just reunited, the taiyoukai found he could not take much more of her cagey behavior. As Totosai had said, he could KEEP the girl, apparently for a very, very, very, VERY long time --- oddly enough, he suddenly realized that he found that prospect strangely soothing and delightful.

He cast another sly glance at Rin. What should he do now? Did he have to ---- apologize? He stiffened. What did HE have to apologize for anyway? This was all HER fault to begin with! After all, the incongruity and irony of his campsite location had not been lost on him either. If only she'd listened to him and not followed him onto THIS damn battle-field in the first place none of this would have happened!

Sesshoumaru reigned in his temper almost as quickly as he began to lose it. After all, did he really expect Rin to obey him in ALL things? No, he decided crossly, THAT was Jaken's position and duty. Rin was --- Rin was --- he swallowed. What?

Totosai had implied she was his friend. With a start, he realized the old demon was right. At the beginning, she HAD been a novelty, and he quietly enjoyed observing her mannerisms and reactions. But, over time, she had become something other than mere entertainment. She WAS his friend --- or at least the closest thing he'd had to one his whole long life. Indeed, she was more than that --- she was his solace and loyal support. Somehow she had made herself an integral part of his life, even despite all his best efforts to fight that fact --- despite all his attempts to ignore her and shut her out. She stood behind him through all manner of adversity with constant cheer and never a complaint. She had shouldered all of his dark moods and threatening silences with nothing more than that ever-present, serene smile.

But could he REALLY apologize to her? He had never begged forgiveness of anyone --- not even when he was a small child!

He abruptly realized with annoyance that Totosai was right about another fact --- they did share the same pain and, without even being aware of it, they had somehow eased the burden of one another's loneliness. SHE was the only creature who NEEDED him, who depended on him. And SHE was the only creature he'd warmed up to in return. Well, he recognized suddenly with a pained frown, he hadn't `warmed-up' that much!

But what was the point?! He had never been one for idle chatter and over-emotional fawning. After all, the girl had SHARED every one of his days --- why then should they rattle on and reminisce about what they'd just experienced TOGETHER? It was a decidedly boring, redundant, sentimental HUMAN trait to babble and pour over memories for endless hours. Why should HE reduce himself to that?

Sesshoumaru threw another fleeting look at Rin's pale visage, and she blanched noticeably under his momentary attention.

Because, he realized with another sharp stab of guilt, it would have brought her SOME measure of happiness. He remembered how the mirth and gaiety would vanish from her eyes each and every time he'd cast off one of her questions or ignored her little attempts at conversation.

His amber eyes brightened hopefully as he suddenly settled on a course of action. Perhaps THAT was all he needed to do now! Maybe he wouldn't have to lower his dignity by offering an apology --- maybe instead of being reduced to saying that horrible, degrading, groveling word, he could show Rin his feelings with his actions just like he always did.

Whatever the case, he recognized SOMETHING needed to be done to repair the damage and end this growing tension between them. The girl's pulse had gone back to pounding far too rapidly and a fine sheen of sweat was starting to bead on her brow, as she eyed him in growing wariness from the other side of the small ravine.

He stepped towards her and she backpedaled in response, beginning to climb slowly up the steep slope. His brows furrowed in frustration. When she looked at him now, perhaps all she saw was his other, fully-transformed self. Rin turned and fidgeted awkwardly, wringing the embroidered hem of her sleeve between her fingers as she scrambled across the rocks. He watched as she crept past a particularly ghastly corpse of a demon that had lost its life on this battlefield all those months ago. The girl merely wrinkled her nose down at the rotting creature, but proceeded on unafraid and undeterred, seemingly less disgusted by the stinking, bloated carcass than of HIM at the present moment. Sesshoumaru let out an exasperated groan and dropped to sink cross-legged down to the ground again.

Rin spun around and gasped, completely unaccustomed to looking down upon him. In order to make the situation feel more normal, she quickly dropped to her knees and crouched among the stones as well. Why had Sesshoumaru-sama stopped?

The taiyoukai looked up hopefully when he heard her settle, and then grimaced when he saw she was still choosing to maintain a dramatically fair distance from his side. He waited. Maybe she'd make this easy for him by asking one of her friendly little questions ---

But there was nothing. Just long, dragging moments of tense, increasingly uncomfortable SILENCE.

Of course this wasn't going to work, Sesshoumaru realized sullenly. After all, Rin hadn't tried to engage him in REAL conversation for quite some time. He cursed himself for his own callous thoughtlessness and stupidity. Now, when he was inviting her simple chatter and friendly dialogue, she was too jaded, too frightened and too cynical to ask anything. He felt like a fool --- he was going to have to swallow his pride to reach out to her.

"This Sessh ---" he began forcefully, stopping as she turned her head up to face him. Her long eyelashes fluttered rapidly in surprise and he faltered under this first direct look into her eyes in the clear light of day. His breath caught --- all those strange sienna highlights glowing within those large brown irises; those full pink lips; those angled cheekbones; and that perfect, heart-shaped face.

How could he have forgotten how beautiful she had become?

He lowered his eyes, his gaze suddenly coming to focus again on the dark, sinister marks presently marring her pale throat and wrists.

"Where --- where did you get those bruises?" he finished lamely, and his speech died again as the full irony and paradox of the situation tore at something in his chest.

Rin reacted to his deep voice and painfully familiar query with a startled jolt, her heart pounding erratically at the poignant nature of those simple words. That was the first question he had asked her all those long years ago when he lay wounded in the forest.

She looked down at her ragged, scraped knuckles before haltingly replying, "I suppose you already know that I went to try to visit the miko's village yesterday, master," she supplied deferentially. "The other humans there were not very --- kind --- to me."

He nodded slowly, releasing some of his rigid posture in reaction to the sweet tone of that lilting, all too familiar voice. "This Sesshoumaru was wounded at that miserable place as well," he stated quietly in return, gesturing at a tattered slash in his haori with annoyance.

"Inuyasha and that boy, the demon slayer --- the one who is so ---" his words grated resentfully, "the one who is so --- fond of you --- were actually able to draw this Sessh --- my blood."

Nani? Rin's jaw dropped. Her brief reply a moment before had been the short, dutiful, perfunctory response he always expected from her. But HE never commented any further upon her words! Plus, he had just mentioned that he had been wounded --- he was actually admitting to some form of `weakness'?! This was not like her master at all. Perhaps Sesshoumaru-sama had been injured MORE gravely than he realized. At the moment, she didn't even have the ability to worry about Kohaku-kun or his safety. She presently couldn't really think at all --- this wasn't the way it worked!

Rin stared at the taiyoukai with growing alarm, mystification, and amazement --- her master was TALKING to her!? The great demon seemed so uncomfortable, and his eyes were beseeching and restless. Could he really be inviting her to speak back AGAIN?

Sesshoumaru watched as the girl plucked a few bits of dead, scraggly grass from the rocky ground, mostly, it seemed, just to give her twitching fingers something to do in her agitation and nervousness. He waited anxiously for her next comment.

"Are you in any pain, my lord?" she inquired with genuine concern.

The taiyoukai swallowed hard at that tender, caring question. Yes, he answered in his mind. But not because of the hanyou or the boy or the ridiculous, already nearly healed injuries. This Sesshoumaru is in pain because you --- you ---

He stared acrimoniously at his claws, unable to even finish the disturbing sentiment in his own thoughts.

Rin pondered what to do next. Sesshoumaru had fallen strangely silent again but had leaned forward and was nodding expectantly at her. Was he trying to coax her into talking once more? She knew exactly what she needed to ask --- it might ruin this odd and tentative exchange, but she might never get the chance to question him again.

"Why?" she whispered emphatically. "Why did you leave me?"

Though her words were determined, her air seemed slightly hesitant, almost as if she were half afraid he would drag her back to Totosai's mountain and abandon her again.

Sesshoumaru's expression darkened and his shoulders slumped uncharacteristically. He supposed this had to happen now.

"I do not know," he responded truthfully. "But since you have been gone, I --- have not ---"

I have not been myself, he finished in his mind, still unable to give voice to such humiliating words out loud.

Rin nodded slowly, intrigued by the unspoken conclusion of that statement and its somber tone, while Sesshoumaru braced himself for those next unavoidable and profound questions. Now that they were alone she would most certainly ask about the future, and what her new role would be in it. Or worse, perhaps she would ask about the past, and if he regretted giving her back her life with Tenseiga?

His eyes narrowed in consternation as she opened her mouth to speak. Perhaps this hadn't been the best idea after all. He was only inviting trouble; at any second she would ask him one of those inevitable questions --- there was such an endless array for her to choose from.

But the girl merely smiled back at him for the first time, just as she'd done all those long years ago. Her bright expression now made her appear older and wiser than her short years, and her next simple question utterly surprised him to the core.

"How are Jaken and Aun?" she asked, her gaze drifting to critically examine the blade of her naginata.

Sesshoumaru felt a warm rush of relief --- it appeared Rin was just as anxious and reluctant to ask such deep, weighty questions as he was resistant to answering them. He felt an unfamiliar swell of gratitude and empathy. After all, he knew the girl was no fool --- she was intentionally choosing subjects they could deal with now.

With another sting in the vicinity of his chest, he realized she KNEW him only too well. Somehow, she could sense his apprehension as surely as he could sense hers and, as ever, she was sacrificing her own emotional security and pride so he could keep his. She was pushing her own worries aside to give him his space --- just like she always did.

"I am unsure," he answered unhurriedly, "This Sesshoumaru ceased traveling with them not long after you and I --- "

The taiyoukai frowned and struggled to come up with the proper word. "Since you and I --- parted," he whispered.

Rin felt her eyes burn and her vision blur at the carefully chosen words. She struggled to get her building tears back under control; an overly emotional display would doubtlessly sicken and repulse him right now.

Sesshoumaru directed another quick glance at Rin, horrified that she suddenly seemed ready to weep. Damn - he couldn't even hazard to guess what she would do next. She still appeared so guarded and had averted her eyes with her hand, seemingly trying to pass off her tears as a response to the glare of the morning sun.

He was plagued with sudden doubt --- what if she rejected him? What if she hated him? He had already resolved that her feelings would not influence his decision to take her back. She would return to Western Lands no matter how ferocious her protests, but --- but her resentment and animosity would HURT.

He rose to his feet quickly, convinced that his words and actions were doing little to put her mind at ease. When Rin looked up, he became sharply conscious of the fact that time had taught her to imitate his bland mask all too well. The pace of her emotional reactions, or lack thereof, was staggering --- how did his brother handle these human women?

"Tatte," he stated, irked at the loathsome thought that Inuyasha might be better than him at something. "We should be home by nightfall." He prepared himself for possible mutiny or a likely scuffle.

But mutiny, it appeared, was not on her mind.

"Home," Rin echoed somewhat dreamily, dropping her cool façade to dab at her eyes with her sleeve one last time. Despite the strangeness of Sesshoumaru's friendly overtures and her doubts for what lay ahead, she truly longed to see Aun and Jaken again. She wished to listen to the ocean, to wander through the stately halls of the compound, to collapse in her OWN bed. Eager to begin the day's travel, she squinted up at the rising sun again, and turned automatically in the opposite direction.

As she pattered decidedly westward, Sesshoumaru followed in her path curiously. He could still sense her nervousness, but her intense fear seemed to have subsided slightly. How did this happen? He watched her clamber a few more steps away, noting the more assured, confident sway of her gait. There was a strange click on the loose rocks and he glanced down in surprise at her little tabi socks and geta. He had never seen her in shoes before --- he supposed she'd have to have them to live on that desolate mountain with all that snow! He wasn't used to her making such a racket when she moved. With an inward laugh he realized SHE wasn't used to it either, and was presently scowling down at her own toes at nearly every loud clip on the gravel. "Mou, kono baka na mono," she pouted, leaning on another large boulder to pull the offending things from her feet.

With a small smile, Rin next moved to a tiny trickle of cold water flowing down from the jagged rocks above. She bent to fill a small bamboo container at her waist to sustain her for the rest of the journey. She paused to scoop some of the clear water into her cupped hands and vigorously scrubbed her face and neck, and refreshed her mouth. The girl watched in surprise as Sesshoumaru came to her side and did the same. Rin blinked in shock --- he'd never groomed himself before her!

He caught her incredulous expression with a bored look and she turned away in embarrassment. But the young woman did not look aside quickly enough. The taiyoukai noticed the small instant in which her eyes flicked upward to take another appraising look at his long hair.

"Do you not like it?" he asked suddenly, pushing the trailing ponytail back over his shoulder and out of the cold water.

Rin blushed, still quite uncomfortable with suddenly being able to speak so casually with him, especially about such a ridiculously inane subject. She nearly burst out laughing at his strangely wounded expression and obvious display of male vanity.

"I don't know," she stammered. "It's just so different and I am --- not used to it, my lord. You don't look like yourself." She felt herself growing more embarrassed by the minute. "I mean," she muttered quickly, "it makes you look like someone --- someone else."

He did not smile, but she saw an unfamiliar, easy glow creep into his already-striking amber eyes.

"You would probably like the person they say it makes this Sesshoumaru look like," he countered smoothly, leaping up into the rocks above to scout ahead.

Rin nodded in understanding and tracked his progress absently, somewhat dazed to hear the obvious reference to his great Father. She found herself pleasantly flustered that he was so offhandedly revealing some sort of information about his family and past.

Sesshoumaru turned to watch her scramble athletically up the jagged rocks behind him with a strange feeling of pride. As she reached the small summit, he casually extended a hand to help her crest the last part of the steep slope, noting the pretty rose-colored blush fanning out across her cheekbones.

Timidly, she reached back to accept his aid. Her small hand trembled, but her eyes were as bright as they were when she bravely stood in the shadows as he challenged Naraku.

As his fingers laced with the girl's, Sesshoumaru suddenly found himself pondering Chichiue's personality a bit more thoroughly. A wonderfully strange notion invaded his conscience: And he would most definitely like you too, Rin, he thought. That rather poignant statement and realization played over in his mind, but he still found he could not give voice to such tender, affectionate and wholly frightening words.

He pulled her steadily to his side, releasing her hand to loop his arms securely about her waist, fully prepared to carry her again. He scanned the distance for any possible threats and then gasped in shock and nearly dropped the girl. Rin had quite unexpectedly reached up past the imposing spikes on his armor to wrap her delicate arms about his neck and shoulders. One small hand now rested lightly against the rich fabric of his haori, while the other threaded gently into the soft hair at his nape.

"I still am not used to it, Sesshoumaru-sama," she murmured, not exactly sure what she was referring to anymore.

"Nor am I," he answered, resting his cheek atop her raven hair as he lifted into the wind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Iku zo: "We're leaving"

Natsukashii: more of a concept word that encompasses feelings of nostalgia, familiarity, and having missed or longed for something

Mou, kono baka na mono: "Geez, these stupid things"

Tatte: "Stand up"