InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Genuine Desires : Unity ❯ Qualms ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

By: Scooda

Qualm

8:88:888:88:8

"Something's wrong."

"You think so?"

"Um, yeah? I mean she's hardly said anything to him since she woke up."

"She's hardly said anything to either of us since she's woke up."

"Yes, but usually she greets me and you, than Shippou, Kirara, and often times Kaede. It's not like her to get up and walk out without saying anything."

"Oh, Sango, you are in error. She shot InuYasha a very dark and very inhumane look."

Sango winced. "But . . . they were fine when they first came back . . . why would she act like that?"

"Maybe something he did and she's remembering?"

Sango sighed and finished rubbing the numbing salve on Miroku's ankle, which had stopped swelling and he was able to move it slightly. "Only a few more weeks," He groaned with satisfaction as she lightly ran her nails across the flesh, asking him if he felt if. "Then I'll be able to move around on my own."

Sango rolled her eyes. "You would be able to move around if you'd just take Kagome's idea and let InuYasha make you some 'crutches'. Things would be a whole lot easier if you'd just let him help you. What is with you men and your pride?"

Miroku chuckled and pulled Sango close, his gaze falling to his lips. "Now, this is something I'll be sincerely looking forward to---"

"H-Houshi-sama---"

"Nope."

"Lech---"

"Nope. Say it."

"It."

"Nope."

"Sit."

She giggled. He rolled his eyes. "Nope. My name; say it."

"Oi! What the hell are you two doing?" Sango withheld a groan as she quickly scooted away from Miroku. InuYasha stood in the doorway, his hands on his hips as he scowled at the two. "Do you guys know why the wench is so mad at me?" He said with a whine, pressing his ears on his head.

Sango didn't miss the show of disapproval. "No, apparently it was something that you had to do before because it started when she woke up."

Miroku cleared his throat. "And I think I'll live a lot longer if she doesn't give me the look she gave you this morning."

Sango sighed. "Where is she anyway?"

InuYasha scowled. "She's . . . She's helping to build herself a hut."

"What?"

InuYasha sighed and ran a tired hand over his face. "The villagers . . . they are building her a hut right in the meadow. That way she's not too far from the village, and she's not that far from the local pond."

Miroku raised an eyebrow. "And you're not happy about this?"

He shook his head, then nodded it, then growled. "It's not supposed to work like that, dimwit! I'm supposed to build the goddamn---fuck!"

The youkai exterminator and ex-monk watched with interest as InuYasha threw his hands up in the air and stomped out of the hut, yelling at some men to put the logs down. Smiling softly, Sango watched as Miroku softly patted Kirara on the head, waking the neko. "Yes, dear Kirara. Do you mind giving me a ride over to where the villagers are working?"

Sango looked surprised. "You're actually making an effort to get out of the hut?"

Miroku shrugged. "Well, I want to see how InuYasha handles telling the men not to build Kagome a house."

"I have a bad feeling about this . . .”

"Do you fear what InuYasha is going to say to Kagome, or what she is going to do to him?"

Sango shrugged then giggled. "I worry about him more than I do her. I mean that, too."

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"Oi! I told you not to build her a goddamn house! Put down the logs mother---"

"InuYasha!"

InuYasha winced as Kagome stomped over to him, her face oddly calm despite the infuriation in her aura. "What? They don't have the right to . . .”

"Listen," She said, wiggling her fingers under his nose. "They are building me a house because I asked them too. I would have stayed with Kaede, but I . . . I want to live on my own. I'm not a little girl anymore!"

"But . . . I didn't say you could move out of the village, did I?"

"You're not . . ."She sighed. "You're not my guardian anymore, okay? Before I didn't say anything, but now it's really getting on my nerves, you know that? You think that I'll die out here, right? Because I'm not as strong as Kikyou, huh?"

"Wha---You can't leave because . . .”

"Why can't I leave? I should just let some youkai come and knock my head off, right? You wouldn't even give a ---damn--- of something happened to me, would you? Or worse, maybe next time Kouga shows up---"

InuYasha cut her off with a sharp growl, tossed her over her shoulder and hopped off into the distance with her just as Miroku and Sango exchanged worried glances when they landed. InuYasha's growling escalated as her salty tears stung his nose, his heart, his pride. On the rise above the village, he allowed her to slide to her feet, watched as she stomped away and folded her arms over her chest. "Now, will you listen?"

"No."

"Well, you'll hear me anyway. You can't leave . . . because you're my . . . my responsibility."

She held her hand out, looked at her ring, turning her hand this way and that. Fighting the desire to whip it off and make him eat it, she dashed her hand across her eyes and sniffled. "And Kikyou? What about what you told me? That I'll never be half as respectable as Kikyou ever was?"

"Wha---I never said that! I would never . . . Kagome . . .”

She whipped around to face him. "You know what InuYasha? I don't care. I know what you said because I remember how I felt. When you kissed her, when you hold her, when you mourn for her . . . And when I tried to show you by proving myself in the village, what do you do? You don't even notice it. I tried so hard . . . so hard to be Kikyou . . . I tried to hard to make you happy."

"Kagome . . . you'll never be Kikyou! And I don't want---"

"You know what? I know I'll never be Kikyou. And I know that I can't make you happy. If I could go home, and just leave you alone . . . is that what you want? Because I'm worthless anyway? Kikyou could have done much better than me. Heck, she probably even looks better than me anyway. She would have been a better wife than I could," Her cheeks turned red, despite the heavy tears coursing down her face. "Right? The legacy of the hanyou . . . to bear children and continue the family heritage . . . I'll never be able to do it, right?"

"Kagome, you have to understand---You don't have to be Kikyou! I like you just as you are! You have to believe me---"

She let out a broken sob, looking at him, shaking her head. "What I would give to go home and have a nice hug from my mother right now InuYasha . . . to just fly away. You can fly, soar through the sky and just disappear. That's always been my dream . . . to fly with you. Pretty stupid, right? If I just disappeared, would you miss me like you miss Kikyou? Would you even remember me in a year or so?"

InuYasha blanched a little, unable to find the words to comfort her. She shook her head again and walked past him, her tiny shoulder brushing against him like a rhino. He heard her broken sob, heard her footsteps as she bounded into the forest. "Damn," He muttered when he turned on his heel and ran after her.

He found her not far away, resting between the roots of a large tree that was sacred to the both of them. Picking her up, he cradled her to his chest, holding her tight, and when she reached up and grabbed his ears, her fingers still damp from wiping her face, he didn't object. Instead, he quirked them, making her giggled and reach for them again.

Her smile, broken, sad and all alone. It tore at him, and as much as he wanted to stop, to beg her that he loved her for her, ask her how could she ever believe that he wanted her to be like Kikyou, he would, but what she needed right now was Sango, a long rest, and a little time away from him.

And no matter how much it hurt him, he needed a little time to think too.

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Kagome smiled as she kissed the top of Kikyou's flower that was placed on top of her grave. InuYasha stood nearby in silence as Kaede said a prayer and sighed. Turning, the old lady walked away in silence. Kagome looked up to InuYasha.

"What will you do now?" He simply asked. She was confused by the question, so she simply did answer. "Naraku is gone. Kikyou has been laid to rest. What will you do now?"

Kagome shrugged. “I really don't know what to do. I have two homes. They are both calling to me. Which one do I answer InuYasha?" InuYasha didn't answer the question directed at him as he stared at the young miko.

Turning on his heels, he said "We should get going. The runt probably woke up." He said simply. He didn't stop walking. Rolling her eyes, Kagome stood up and hurried and fell in step beside him.

"You never answered my question."

"I know."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Should I care?"

Kagome fumed. That wasn't the answer she was expecting, but she digested that in silence as the village came into view. Walking a little slower, she grasped her hands behind her back and stared at the ground.

Stubborn pride held the hanyou from asking what was wrong with her. "C'mon on."

"I'm coming." She grumbled slightly. InuYasha whirled around and placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling her close into his embrace, smashing his face onto the top of his head and whining softly.

"Don't leave me, Kagome," He pleaded softly. "Please . . . if you'd left, I'd have nothing left."

"Inu---"

He pulled her back, his honey golden eyes sparkling over, his warmth breath fanning over her lips when he leaned down slowly, his eyes fluttering close as hers widened. She forgot to breath, couldn't remember how to use her lungs as his mouth dropped over hers, seizing her soul and claiming him as hers forever. He moved his lips softly, whining against her as her eyes, still wide with wonder, finally drifted close. She grabbed his haori, tried to become nearer to him as she stood on her toes, deepening the already passionate kiss.

His ears smashed against his head as he slowly nibbled her lower lip with his fangs, causing her to shudder and sigh. Grazing them against her lips, growling deep in his throat as her head rolled back, he assaulted her neck, shoulder and collar bone, causing her to whimper and push closer to him. Cradling his arms around her waist, slamming her hips on his, he took total control, goading her like she was a small child. He gently took her hand, placed in his haori, hissed when the heat of her palm singed his skin.

She gasped softly as she felt his fangs braced against her shoulder and collar bone, running them over her shoulder repeatedly. This time her knees buckled, but he caught her, held her tight as he continued to assault her senses. "Inu---InuYasha?" Someone whispered.

Looking behind her, she could see the small frail woman that stood there, her already sad eyes now glittering with melancholy. Her clothes and hair drifted behind her as she slapped her hand against her chest, the Shikon No Tama bouncing angrily against her hand. Kagome could see her aura crackling threateningly, and with a gasp, InuYasha pushed her away gently. "K-K-Kikyou?"

The undead miko stared at him, the wind blowing her hair in her face as she smiled warmly, regarding InuYasha for a moment. "I have come to say farewell to you, one last time, InuYasha."

Kagome bit back tears as InuYasha rushed to her, Kikyou taking him in a warm embrace. Unshed tears streaming down her face, the knowledge that the one being she loved was taken forcefully away from her. In an act of kindness, she allowed him to live with her reincarnation, not because she wanted to, but because fate demanded she did. She hugged him tighter. He had grown into a man known. No more was he the immature little hanyou that used to jab people's heart with his harsh words. He was now a man, something she had wished she had been able to make and shape the young man that he was today, to be able to heal and mend the scars in his heart.

Finally she let him go, and he took hold of her hand, holding it tight as she kissed the Shikon No Tama. "Now you finally realize InuYasha that fate had left you too together."

InuYasha watched, with an unnamable expression on his face as Kikyou turned to ash and faded away with the wind, the Shikon No Tama making a soft ringing noise in the distance as her presence, her aura, her scent disappeared. InuYasha turned to Kagome, hurt evident in his gaze. "You . . . you have to take her place now. You are her reincarnation. You must fulfill the duties she never finished."

Kagome choked softly. "Is that what you really feel? That I'm just a replacement? Are you trying to make me Kikyou?"

InuYasha snorted and rested his hands on Tetsusaiga. "If it could be done, I think would have tried. But you'll never be half as respectable as Kikyou was. . . ."

This dreams . . . he had the dream when he first met her. In fact, because the merely presence of her caused him to feel relax, the brightening of her eyes when she smiled caused him to force himself to think of something like this. It never came from the heart. But when it really spun out of control was when he just grabbed her and kissed her. He never had a feeling like that. A few weeks after that, the desire to kiss and possess her came overwhelming each day. She was a paradox in motion, a goddess in herself; yet she had the slightest clue just how perfect she was.

When Kikyou came . . . he didn't know when that happened. It was like something found his desire to see her again, and mixed it with his attempt to make himself feel better when he said things to hurt Kagome. The dream had started out fully in his control, and by the time it had finished, he felt like a scrap of metal for a little more than a week. Funny how when he did something wrong that would hurt her, she's the only person that wants to be near you. Coincidence in deed.

'You just do so many things to her it seems like that, bastard.'

InuYasha whined and flattened his ears as Kagome let out a loud wail, accompanied by the groaning of Miroku and Sango. He heard them skitter across the hut, probably embracing the young woman as she sobbed her heart out. It was nearly sundown, and she'd been crying ever since the sun had first risen. It was nonstop, nothing could soothe her, and InuYasha felt as though his head was about to explode. Miroku, who was on Kirara's back, threw a rock at his head. "Baka!"

InuYasha tilted his head to avoid it with a whine as he dug his claws into the roof. "What do you want?"

"You need to talk to Kagome!" This earned another screech from the young woman. "Right now!"

"What she needs," InuYasha hollered, desecrating a shingle under his merciless grip. "Is time away from me."

"What she needs is for you to explain things to her."

InuYasha turned his head stubbornly and bared his fangs. "You're always saying I tend to make things worse. So I'm trying to prevent that, lech."

Miroku sighed. "Honestly, InuYasha," He shook his head. "In this case, I don't think it can get much worse."

InuYasha shook his head and shrugged. 'It should be easier tonight, right? I mean it won't hurt as much because I'll be . . . then I'll be able to just say what I have to say without my damn youkai blood always stopping me.'

'Keh! Like you could avoid me forever.'

"Tonight . . . I'll talk to her tonight because she'll be calm and I'll be able to deal with it without the after works of what she's feeling right now. Can you just . . . just do what you can? Until then?"

Miroku looked like he understood. In the end, he nodded and frowned. "Alright, but InuYasha . . . I think this time you have to tell her. That's the only way to get through."

Kagome choked softly. "Is that what you really feel? That I'm just a replacement? Are you trying to make me Kikyou?"

InuYasha snorted and rested his hands on Tetsusaiga. "If it could be done, I think would have tried. But you'll never be half as respectable as Kikyou was. . . ."

'How could I . . . how could I say something like that? I mean . . . it doesn't make sense . . . even for me to say something like that in my dream . . .'

'She did look at you funny when she had first awakened, and then had asked the villagers to build her a house . . . you don't think . . .'

InuYasha whined again when her tears, stronger this time, hit him hard. 'I . . . Impossible. There's no way she could have had the same dream . . .'

'But it adds up! Think about that she was saying---'

"Well, you'll hear me anyway. You can't leave . . . because you're my . . . my responsibility."

"Wha---I never said that! I would never . . . Kagome . . .”

`. . . No . . .'

"I tried so hard . . . so hard to be Kikyou . . .”

"I tried so hard . . . . I know what you said because I remember how I felt. When you kissed her, when you hold her, when you mourn for her . . ."

"That's always been my dream . . . to fly with you."

'---It . . . she did have the dream!'

"Kagome!"

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Kagome and Sango screamed when half of the front of the hut was kicked away. InuYasha, a wild and frantic mess, flat out barked at Sango and Miroku, swept up Kagome, tossed her over his shoulder, and sprinted away, with her on his shoulder. Her fear was something that he couldn't come to terms with, her surprise and nervousness evident in the way she breathed, coughed, and even sniffled.

When he dropped her into the cave where she had been before, he didn't give her time to think, didn't give her time to object to his show of ferocity when he slammed his lips down on hers, tasting the hurt, the pain, the want, the desire, tasting her. She whimpered, hammering against his chest, pushing him away but pulling her to him at the same time. He held her close, allowed her rampaging to stop, even though she was kissing him back. Delving into him, taking boldness he never knew she possessed, and her sweet nectar was like nothing he had ever experienced. She tasted like the morning dew, though she hurt wrapped around her was thick and heavy. She pulled away from him, stepped away from, drawing her arms around herself when he tried to look into her soul. "Go away," She whispered.

"If I go away, would you miss me like you miss your . . . your mother?"

She gasped and whirled around to face him, new tears streaming down her face as she threw herself into his arms and began wailing all over again. He whispered soothing words, rubbed her back. When that didn't help, he began making the rumbling noise deep in her chest, satisfied when her wails became sobs, her sobs became hiccups. "I . . . InuYasha . . . I'm so sorry . . . "

He sighed and pulled her back into a hug. "It's alright . . . you don't have to try to be Kikyou. I don't want you to be Kikyou. I don't want you to be anything like Kikyou, okay? Just . . . please . . . don't leave me?"

She gave out a broken laugh, digging her wet face into his chest as she tangled her hands in his hair. "I . . . . But the villagers . . .”

"We can . . . you can leave me . . . us, later. Just not right now? Not anytime soon, okay?"

She chuckled, though that faraway look was still in her eyes. The undoubtedly dullness was still there, and as she hiccup, it turned into a loud gasp and a smothered yelp when a wave of panic and fear washed over her. "Oh,"

InuYasha caught her before she fell, lowering her to the ground softly. "What was that?"

She shrugged, holding her head as she moaned. "I don't know . . . oh, it hurts . . .”

InuYasha sighed and rubbed his cheek against her face, trying to soothe her as he whined. She tried to smile, but it was broken by another gasp, and she arched her back. Her chest felt constricted, her heart felt as if it was being squeezed into a ball, and her forehead felt as if she was one fire. She gasped again, and this time, it finally passed. "What the hell was that?" He asked, sniffing her all over when she announced she was okay.

"I don't know . . . but I have a bad feeling about this."

He shrugged. "Have you heard about anything unusual lately?" He asked as she sat up and fixed her kimono.

"No," She said with a sigh. "The villagers were talking about a maiden who had gone missing for three days and was found in her room with white petals all around her."

"That girl . . . she had white flowers. Do you think . . . ?"

Kagome shook her head. "Not likely. Remember---she kills her victims. Why would she let this young girl, who was arranged to marry the prince of a neighboring village, live?"

InuYasha shrugged. "Well, I know one thing. Let's find out more about this girl. After you feel better, alright?"

Kagome nodded but gasped when he pointed to InuYasha. "Um . . . you're eye color is changing."

He snorted and lifted her up. "Let's get back to the village. At least you'll be able to protect yourself, there."

She giggled and laid her head on his shoulder, looking up into the orange sky.

8:88:888:88:8

"InuYasha," Sango mumbled, stirring the stew in the pot as Kagome slept soundly. "She's not okay. Not from the way she was crying."

InuYasha scoffed. "You think I don't know that? But its Kagome nature . . . she's not going to say anything about it. Even if I do press her for it, she's not going to tell me anything."

Sango looked over to Miroku. He was asleep too. She snorted. "He begs me to cook and then he falls asleep." She muttered. "Have you talked to Kaede?"

InuYasha shrugged. "I haven't seen the hag lately. Where is she?"

"Oh, she's helping to finish up Old Keiko's hut. Seems they cremated her there and is trying to make her hut a burial site. Shippou's with her."

InuYasha didn't comment to the information he was just given. "Have you heard . . . have you heard about the maiden who was to wed?"

Sango cocked her eyebrow in surprise. "Why, yes, I have. It seems she was a victim of a youkai attack, and lost all of her family, being adopted by one of the wealthiest families in the East. Why?"

InuYasha ran a tired hand over his face. "Doesn't it strike you as . . . weird?"

Sango had scratched her chin, and shrugged. "Not really, I mean it's not unusually for a bride to be to run out on the groom, especially if he was chosen for her."

InuYasha sighed and shrugged as Sango handed him a bowl of food. Dropping the subject, he thought he wasn't going to say anything else until he felt her reach over and grab one of his ears. "Oi! What the hell are you doing?"

She blushed and sat back down. "Sorry! Kagome said they were so soft and cute and---"

InuYasha growled. "They are not cute."

Sango giggled as his ears faded away and his silver locks turned raven. "Well, I guess I can't grab them anymore, right?"

InuYasha chuckled as she handed him a bowl of soup. He woke Kagome up and shoved it under her nose. "Eat."

She whimpered and turned her back to him, waving away the food. "Not hungry. . ."

He growled and nipped her on her cheek softly. She sat up with a gasp and scowled when he shoved the stew under her nose again. "Eat. Now."

Rolling her eyes, she did as she was told, giving him a bored look as he watched her eat at least half of it. Sango had awoken Miroku and ordered him to eat as well. When Kagome finished, the placed the bowl on InuYasha's lap with a sharp thrust, making him yelp before she turned her back to him again and went back to sleep. "If she wasn't so damn sick I'd wake her up---"

"She's sick?"

InuYasha winced and turned to face Miroku. "Not sick, physically, but mentally, I guess."

"And you know this because . . . ?"

Sango gave Miroku an expectant look, and Miroku shrugged as he cut his eye at InuYasha. InuYasha, who was completely annoyed with the apparent trap, stomped out of the hut and hopped onto the roof, where he gave it a good kick for the record. "He's going to end up killing you, you do know that right?"

Miroku laughed. "Even though I make light of his affections for Kagome, he wouldn't kill me."

"Really?" Sango asked as she refilled his bowl when he held it out to her. "What makes you so sure?"

"We're his family . . . his pack. No matter how much he says he will, he doesn't have it in his heart to hurt none of us, especially Kagome, since she's the alpha fe---"

Miroku was cut off with a sharp growl. "Alpha female."

"Al---what?"

Miroku sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'll explain it later, when InuYasha's not destroying the roof above our heads."

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A/N

Okay . . . I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please read and review!