InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Memories of Pleasure and Shame ❯ Denial ( Chapter 3 )

Characters owned by: Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Entertainment, ECT.

I make no profit from this story

 

 

Chapter 3: Denial

 

I could no longer be in denial after that day. I wanted to be near you, but not for the typical reasons of just wanting to be loved and accepted by an older brother. I mean, I did want to be loved by you, but I wanted to be loved in a different way, that was hard for me to put my finger on. I knew that brothers didn't typically have those kinds of feelings, towards each other. My mother had always told me that men loved women and women loved men. She never mentioned two boys or two girls or two siblings having that kind of love, for each other. Also, if that was really your scent I had smelled in the air, you were turned on by me as well. Maybe you even had something to do with what I experienced, in the first place. That couldn't be right. I mean, you hated my guts. …Thought I was detestable. How could you separate yourself from those feelings? I cried out in my mind through total confusion and turmoil as I practically was on the verge of ripping out my hair, `why do I feel this way towards him?! I'm only twelve and he's like sixteen! Dammit, I'm such a hentai! I don't want to feel this way towards him! He is going to try to kill me for sure! Now I am not just a hanyou. I am a hanyou who has unnatural desires for his own brother.' But inspite of my fear and feeling sick to my stomach at the thought that I could possibly want you in such a way, none of that took away my desire for you. To make matters worse, I was also afraid that you might have figured things out and would end up avoiding me entirely. That's only if you weren't having similar feelings as me. The thought of not having you around, terrified me more than the thought of you trying to kill me, because you were.

 

I would have to do everything in my power to keep you from becoming suspicious, about my feelings, in case you hadn't already realized them. A couple of weeks went by without smelling your scent. I started to think that maybe I was right. You witnessed everything and it scared you away. I was starting to accept the fact that I would never see you again. But when I least expected it, I suddenly caught your scent in the air, one evening when I was bathing in a stream. After that, I heard a splashing sound behind me. I swung around dramatically and there you were; radiating like a magnificent deity, as the evening sun shimmered down behind you. I was smitten and terrified at the same time as I gazed up at you. You were completely in the nude, with the water coming up to your waist. As I took in the perfection of your sculpted upper frame, I suddenly started to feel somewhat light-headed. But I managed in some miraculous way, to snap myself out of it. You gazed down at me with an emotionless expression…oh that was how I did it. You just had to ruin the moment didn't you? …You and your lack of ability to show some fuckin' emotion. At least you could have allowed me to pretend like you wanted me, before I died at your hand, for being a perverted hanyou. And I guess being naked was just your way of making me suffer before I died, as well. “If you're gonna kill me Sesshoumaru, just get it over with already,” I said antagonistically. You gazed down at me with an almost imperceptible flicker of surprise. Then as your face swiftly returned to its typical blank canvas, you replied stiffly, “Inuyasha, if I were here to harm you, do you not think I would have done so already?” I replied to you in a snarky manner, “Well what else should I expect? That's about all you've ever tried to do…since as far back as I can remember.”

 

To my surprise, you said absolutely nothing in response. Instead you proceeded to cup water into your hand before splashing it over your body, while looking down at yourself, as if I wasn't even there. “Hm,” I sounded in offense before turning my back to you, in order to (pretend to) ignore you as well, as I continued to wash my body with the cloth and soap I stole. I was actually doing the opposite of everything I really wanted to do. After a few moments, I smelled something change in your scent. I was totally startled by what it revealed. You…wanted me…too. Could it be possible? I started to relax some. Then I turned my head around slightly, in order to take a goofy peek at you. You continued to direct your attention to your body, appearing not to be aware of my gaze in the least. `Feh…what was I thinking. Maybe my nose is playing tricks on me.' “Hhmm…” I exhaled through my nostrils in disappointment before turning back around. Right when I was seriously about to give in to the nagging thoughts, telling me to abandon the situation, I felt a warm, soft hand on my shoulder. I immediately froze. Was it really your hand touching my shoulder? And if so, what were your intentions for doing so?

 

Suddenly, I felt one side of your face grazing the other side of mine and then your head moved up as it brushed against my head and hair. Once you stopped, your heated breath was tickling my sensitive earlobe. First shivers ran down my spine and then I thought that I might jump out of my skin. You stayed that way for a few seconds and the anticipation of what was going to happen next, caused my heart to pound in my chest uncontrollably. Finally, after holding me in suspense, you started to whisper into my ear with instability, tension and sensuality saturating your voice, “Inuyasha…hhh…Inuyasha……. I…you're……hhmmm…” Inspite of your lack of words, I understood everything you were trying to tell me. All I could think about at that moment…was how much I wanted you to do something…anything to relieve the burning sensation between my thies. I wanted you to be my big brother and teach me things that older brothers didn't normally teach their younger ones. I desired so deeply to be overwhelmed by every inch…of your body. I yearned for the knowledge of what existed within the darkness and confusion a part of me wanted so desperately, to escape from.