InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Memories of Pleasure and Shame ❯ Memories ( Chapter 2 )

Characters owned by: Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Entertainment, ECT.

I make no profit from this story

 

 

Chapter 2: Memories

 

But the truth is that all of this started a very long time ago. I recall the first memory I have of you. I was four in Inuyokai years when you, the magnificent and towering being I would later come to secretly adore and openly despise all at once, appeared before me. You were like a majestic and skilled lion stalking your oblivious and naïve prey. You drifted past me while I was innocently playing in some mud, all by myself in the forest. Looking back on the experience; I was almost certain that it was your intention, to fuck me up in some way or perhaps even kill me. Maybe you desired to eliminate your potential future competition, seeing as that is your style. But for whatever reason, after a few more moments of fiercely peering down at and stalking me, you departed like a storm that had never fully materialized. I immediately got up and ran back to the nearby castle, where I lived with my mother. When I was discovered right outside of the castle wall by her, I was chastised for running off on my own. Of course this hadn't been the first time. Afterwards, I told her as clearly as I could for a four year old, “I saw tall man with pointy ears and white hair like mine in forest…He was boo-te-ful like you Kaa-chan. But he kinda scares me.” “Sesshoumaru,” she whispered with shock and terror in her voice. As she continued, she uttered in a shaky, hushed tone to herself, “How did he find us? It was unrealistic for me to think that I could hide from him forever.” “Kaa-chan, are you alright?” I asked innocently as I peered up at her. She then started to say to me in a serious voice as she leaned down and lifted my chin up, with her small soft hand, in order to encourage me to look into her soft brown eyes, “Inu-kun…listen to me. That…man…is Sesshoumaru, your half-brother. But he does not love you like I do. If you ever see him again, you run away from him as fast as you can, OK.” I didn't say anything. She lifted my chin up slightly higher, “Promise mommy you'll do what she says.” I replied meekly, “Yes mommy, I promise.” After gazing into my eyes for a few more moments as if trying to make sure I was telling the truth, she released my chin and stood back up. “Alright Inuyasha…come with me to supper.”

 

Later on that night, after dinner, as my mother was tucking me into my covers, I asked her, “why does my brother hate me mommy?” She hesitated for a moment, softly stroking my head, before finally replying in a gentle and nurturing way, “Aaww…he doesn't hate you darling. He just doesn't appreciate you for who and what you really are.” “What's that Kaa-chan?” “Well its how lovely and precious you are, sweet heart. Let Kaa-chan tell you a story. Once upon a time, there lived a human woman…” “She was you Kaa-chan?” “Yes, sweet heart, she was me…One day a handsome prince who was not from the same world as her and who was different from humans, came and swept her off of her feet. He took her to a shining castle in the sky, and together they both created a rare gift in the form of a beautiful and precious baby boy. He was so beautiful and precious, because all of the best qualities of both his mother and his father's kind was placed within his being. But unfortunately, no one else but the two who created him, appreciated how special and wonderful, the little baby actually was. When the prince lost his life and departed to the next world, there was no longer anyone to protect the mother and her baby from foolish and unenlightened people, out to harm her and her child. Long before his death, the prince also had created another son, with another female like himself, whom he named Sesshoumaru. His other son was just like all the others and did not see the true value of the little baby boy and how rare and miraculous he was. According to his views, he believed that his kind and humans should not love each other and that humans were not as special as his kind, the Inuyokai. He also was very angry and sad, because he felt that his father loved the boy, more than he loved himself. In order to relieve that sorrow, he believed that the baby should not be allowed to exist…” “I want my brother to love me, mommy. I don't want him to feel sad.” She stroked my head once more. Tears started to come down my cheeks, which in turn, caused tears to start running down hers as well. She then picked me up, before hugging me to her body. She whispered into my short dog like ears, as she rocked me back and forth in her arms and stroked the back of my head, “Ssshhh…It's going to be alright. Your Kaa-chan loves you. One day your brother will come to appreciate you just as much as I do. You'll see.” After that night, to my mother's dismay, I continued to go off into the forest by myself.

 

One day you appeared to me again and attacked me from behind. You wrapped your hand around the front of my neck and picked me up, as if you were picking up a pebble. I tried to break free using my little hands, in order to attempt to peel your hand away, as I kicked my legs. But of course that did nothing to stop you and you ended up slamming me against a tree, with your poisonous claws glowing green, prepared to slice through my skull. At that point, even an ignorant four year old could tell that his life was in danger. I closed my eyes tightly, just when I thought that your hand, was about to strike. But after a few moments, with my eyes closed, I realized that nothing was happening and I was still alive…at least that's what I thought. Plus, I could still feel your hand against my neck. I opened my eyes slowly with tears running down my face, only to see you still there, in the same position you were in before, with your hand still lifted and poised towards attack. I couldn't read your face because it was totally blank. Then for no apparent reason, you released me. I slid down the tree trunk before hitting my tender behind on the ground. As soon as I fell, I got up before running off as fast as my legs could carry me. When I got back to the castle, I was chastised by my mother again. I started to tell her what had happened but for a number of reasons, including the fact that I wanted to see you again, I kept our encounter to myself. She eventually saw it fit to place me with a guardian who's duty it would be, to watch over me and follow me at all times. The woman was very loyal, watching me day and night it seemed. She managed to keep me away from the forest, for twenty years, until she finally croaked.

 

I was seven years old in Inuyokai years, when I saw you again. I was now a little bigger…as well as a little stronger. But compared to you, my new acquired strength was the equivalent of nothing. You flew down from the air before crashing to the ground like a giant rock. Your poisonous claws were about to slice into my body, but I managed to dodge the attack, just in time. Looking back at that moment, I realize that you were not using your full strength with me. As a matter-of-fact, I think you were just toying with me. You wanted me to fear you and of course you got your wish. I thought that after twenty years, you would have moved on from trying to dispose of me…as you would put it. But I was very wrong. As you continued to chase me, leaping high into the air repeatedly before flying back down again, as I barely managed to dodge you almost everytime; I finally reached the castle walls. My mother stood outside of them, getting a quick glimpse of you, it seemed, by the briefly startled expression on her face; before you swiftly evaporated into thin air. She shouted protectively and angrily into the air, “You stay away from my son! Do you hear me Sesshoumaru! He's done nothing to you-he didn't choose to be who he is! Stay away!!!” That evening; with a bamboo stick, I got the worst beating I'd ever gotten in my entire life. Shortly after, I was assigned a new guardian to look after me. She managed to keep me out of the forest for a year. Around the early part of the following year, my mother was killed by the old master of the castles son while trying to protect me, against him trying to hit me. He saw me as worthless because I was a hanyo and I guess felt he could kick me around, like an object, for that reason. She was old and would have died very soon anyways.

 

After he killed my mother, he came after me, but I escaped. I ended up being forced to spend the rest of my childhood, in the forest, fending for myself. I was now exposed and vulnerable, with no one to look out for me or keep me safe. You would find me and chase me through the forest, as you repeatedly tried to slice and melt me away with your claws, along with talking all kinds of shit and constantly calling me a, “worthless half-breed,” in response to the shit I was talking. Inspite of my quick tongue, I always felt each time you came after me, that it would be my last day in this world. But everytime, I ended up walking or running away with my life and body intact. I was too young then to truly understand why you weren't ending my life. I understand now. You wanted to show me that you were more powerful. You wanted me to fear you. But you didn't want to kill me because you just wanted me to suffer. One wish that you may have had, that was fulfilled within me, was the acknowledgement that you were powerful. But I would never allow you to see that I acknowledged it, and I could never have allowed you to see how much I admired you, for your strength and…your beauty. Maybe that was my way of getting back at you, although deep down-I never hated you like I believed you hated me. I decided to start tracking you down and then eavesdropping in on you, in order to pick up some survival skills. (You know the saying: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.) Maybe I was taking the risk of being killed by doing so, but I was guaranteed death if I couldn't even find food to eat.

 

By eavesdropping in on you, I managed to learn how to hunt and kill prey. I learned where the best and safest places were to sleep at night. I learned how to make camp fires. I learned how to use my claws to fend off other yokai. One night, you stripped a bunch of bark into thin layers, before hand weaving it all together in order to make a kind of padding for the ground. It took you an hour to make it, even at unnatural speeds (for a human). I remember thinking the whole time as I sat hidden behind a tree and watched you, `Why is he making this when he can just lie on top of his fur.' I realized that you knew I was there and was doing it in order to…teach me? I still find it hard to believe, but that is the only explanation I can come up with. I also knew that more than likely, you were always aware of my presence from the start; seeing as you possessed a very sharp sense of smell, which I would imagine was at least ten times sharper than mine, considering that you were a full blooded Inuyokai and I was only a half blooded one. The next night, I figured out how to make a pad like yours and for the first time in a long while, my sleep was a lot more comfortable. When I was opening up my eyes the next morning; I swear that through my blurred vision, I saw your silhouette and smelled your scent. But once my eyes had fully opened and my vision had become completely clear, there was nothing there, not even a scent. I attributed it to my mind playing tricks on me.

 

As a few decades went by, I would track you down and then eavesdrop on you whenever I ran into a new problem, hoping that by watching you, I would find the answer…and I always did. Sometimes I would wake up and find fresh fish or other dead prey, lying on the ground before me. I also would find berries along with other fruits and vegetables. I would pretend like it was a coincidence that all of these `gifts,' were always appearing before me and would just attribute them to really good luck. But deep down inside, I knew that you had something to do with these mysterious appearances, of sustenance. I would use the cooking skills I learned from watching you, in order to prepare the stuff; even though inspite of seeing you cook some of the prey you caught, I never saw you eat it. You always only ate the uncooked prey. Why was that? Here was something else for me to meditate on. You were actually being an older brother to me, at least indirectly? You were…looking out for me? Feh…like that could ever happen. But I still can't think of any other reason… Along with learning some of the best places to sleep and always sleeping in which ever one of your spots you left vacant (being surrounded by your scent, strangely, gave me great comfort), I also learned where some of the best rivers, streams and hotsprings for soaking and bathing, were. Once in a while when I was bathing completely naked, I would catch your scent in my nose. I tried not to think anything of it. I figured that maybe you were waiting for me to leave, so that you could bathe after me. Because sometimes, I would end up watching you bathing as well; waiting for you to finish so that I could bathe after you left, inspite of there being plenty of other places I could have bathed, that were just as decent or maybe even better.

 

But I tried to pretend like these experiences never happened, outside of the times they were happening and I tried not to think too deeply about my actions. All I knew was that I enjoyed watching you and I wasn't sure why. Once I reached the age of twelve in Inuyokai years, weird things started to happen to my body. I would wake up with an erect penis even though I wasn't urinating. It would be especially swollen after a night of dreaming about you bathing in a hotspring. One night, I had my first sexually explicit dream of you. It was extremely vivid and I was extremely shocked by it after its completion. Actually every dream that I had had of you, was a shock and I was very self-conscious about you or anyone else finding out. But this dream took the cake. It all started, with you leaning against a big bolder near a steaming hotspring. The moon was shining down, illuminating your creamy pale skin and snow white hair in such a way, that you almost appeared to be glowing. Completely naked, with your legs spread like the wings of a butterfly, you were moving your clasped hand back and forth over the length of your cock. It was so hard, and the veins covering it like spider webs, were very prominent. You gazed seductively in my direction as you continued to stroke your erection, firmly. You stuck out your moistened pink tongue and licked your lips in such a hot fucking way. I was suddenly able to see the intensity in your eyes, but very closely. Then I saw your lips, up very close. They were cherry blossom pink, wet, and swollen. They moaned my name with such tension and passion. I just wanted to kiss them, but I could only gaze at them.

 

I continued to see different parts of your body up close: Your rippled stomach, the sweat dripping down it, along with the way your muscles contracted and expanded as sweat seeped between their sinews. I saw your cock, so long, thick and swollen, up close as your hand continued to manipulate it. I noticed the juices coming out of the tip along with the way it glistened with a mixture of your saliva and pre-cum…and the whole time, I could hear you in the back ground, moaning, groaning, hissing and sighing. Everything started to reach a feverish pace, with my mind bouncing back and forth between different close ups of your mouth, eyes, chest, stomach, and your hand feverishly stroking your cock. Then finally it all reached an apex, with you climaxing dramatically as you sobbed brightly and cried out my name. I heard myself screaming your name as well, before I was quickly jerked back into consciousness. As I sat up completely drenched in sweat, I looked down, only to discover that something wet and sticky was causing my hakama to cling to my crouch. I untied my obi before reaching down inside of them, only to pull out a hand covered in a sticky white liquid. That is when I realized your scent was lingering in the air and it was drenched with the smell of excitement as well. But before I could fully wrap my mind around the fact that it was there, it had disappeared.