InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ No More Hope ❯ Poems ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
~*Kagome's POV*~

As soon as everyone was asleep, I took out my diary. My thoughts ranging from when I first stepped into Sengoku Jidai, leading to where I am, and who I am. I randomly opened to a page, and read my entry.

~*Entry*~

Time 7:03 PM, Kaede's Hut

Dear Diary,
It has only been six months since I started the trip for the shards with Inuyasha. We have aquired four new companions along the way. In orders from when I met them, there was Shippou, the young kitsune who lost his parents to the Thunder Brothers, Miroku the Priest, (Or lecher) Who has a curse bestowed upon him, from Naraku, and finally Sango the demon eterminator and her pet fire cat Kirara. It's nice you know? More people to talk to. I looked over at my first companion. The Inu Hanyou. In such a short time, I began to develope more than friendly feelings... and it's scaring me. From what I know, I am a reincarnation of a priestess by the name of Kikyou. Inuyasha's first love.

She died a tragic death, seeming to think that Inuyasha had betrayed her. She came back of course. Back from the dead? Why yes she did. She tried to take Inuyasha with her to hell. I was afraid. Afraid that he would agree to going to hell with her. I know he may owe her his life, but... in living in eternal pain? Depression? I love him too much for that to happen to him. For him to be happy I would do anything. That thought too scares me. I would risk my own life, happiness, just to see him happy. Six months Diary. In six months since I knew him, I would now give up my life for him. I would do anything... anything to keep him from harm's way. Is this love Diary? Is this what I'm supposed to feel? My own happiness... in sake for his own.

~*End Entry*~

I snorted at what I wrote. I did give up my happiness for him, because of this damn feeling called love. So what did I get in return? Everything thrown back at me. In my face, while the whole world laughs. You know, I wont give them the satisfaction of seeing me fail. I don't care how many hardships I've faced. I've come too damn far to throw it all away now. It would be much easier to just sit down and give up. Take the pain that reality wants to throw at me. Just not care. Well too damn bad. I'm a stubborn girl and I'll do what I see fit. I wont shed a tear on him. I wont shed a tear on her. I shed too many tears before I left them, if they come back wanting more then too bad. No more tears from me. I will re-build the defenses around my heart. Nothing will get passed it. Nothing. I will die lonely, sure, it's better than dying, knowing that you've lost a battle.

He was the one that took my heart, and never gave it back. He left me for a bag of dirt, compared me to that bag of dirt, and critizied me saying I wasn't that bag of dirt. Yeah, I fell in love with an egotistic jerk, moronic idiot, violence loving hanyou. My life is so screwed. Now I'm sitting here, watching my friends from 500 years ago, sleep in my dorm. Am I a normal person? Wait. Don't answer that.

~*Flashback*~

He pulled me into a tight embrace and whispered, " I need you... don't you understand?"

~*End Flashback*~

Of COURSE I understand Inuyasha! I undertsand oh-so perfectly! You needed me! TO GET TO HER! God. That happened years ago, yet I still think about it? One would think I would've gotten over it. But NOOOO... I still remember every detail, down to every last emotion I felt. I stare at the diary in my hands. What do I do? I looked at it intently, as if it could give me the answers I want. I sighed. Now I'm sitting here waiting for an inatimate object to tell me all the answers to my problems. It's a wonder that I'm not in an asylum yet. Keyword there: Yet.

I closed my diary and stared at my computer screen. I clicked on FictionPress.net and read some poetry there. I clicked the close button and decided to write my own, I have another reciting session tomorrow and I can't afford to miss it. The gang can come... if they want. I pulled out my note pad and began to think of ideas. Hmm... time? No... waiting? Yeah.


Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock
The minutes tick by on the clock

I've been here... What? two days? three?
I watch as the time passes by me

Alone, I have been waiting for you
I thought you'd be waiting for me too

Sitting here I wait, wait, wait
In my own world that I create

I have been here for three years
Waiting for my deepest fears

So I sit here and wait for you
Are you waiting for me too?

Do I stand alone in my descision?
Sitting here always in the same postion

What have I been waiting for?
Did I want something more?

There I am, alone again
Like I was, when I began

Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock
The minutes tick by on the clock


Not bad, I mused. It was pretty good, not my best, but fairly nice. I looked around the room, the sun was going to rise in about another hour or so, and Inuyasha wasn't back yet. Am I worried? No. I'm hoping he went back to his dead girlfriend. Psshhttt. Yeah sure. I want him to go back. Why? Why would I say that? Now that he actually came back? I have a good answer for that. I'm tired of waiting. Clear as day, simple as rain. I'm tired of waiting for him to choose. He chose her right? Right. If he picked, then I don't want him in my life. All he'll do is bring back the pain and sorrow at full force.

Why can't he just... go. Go away and never come back. Go away and... never ever see him again. Does he take pride in seeing me break down like this? Is he happy that he causes me so much sorrow? Were all those tender memories I had with him... just because he thought I was Kikyou? Yes. I was the replacement. The messed up Kikyou. The Kikyou that always lost. Guess what Inuyasha, I have nothing else to loose. Take my heart, take my pain, take everything from me, but I will keep my dignity dammit! I will.

*sighs* There I go again. Acting all insane and what not. Don't worry I'm not really like that. I'm just bent on getting revenge. What??? Don't look at me like that. I'm sure that ONCE in your life you've wanted to get revenge. Right? ... Fine. Be that way. I KNOW it has happened to you before. Don't bother denying it. Jeeze. People these days. Anyways, as I was saying, what will I do? I hate Inuyasha. Pretty damn sure I do. If I don't then what do I feel? Can it be... No. I have gotten over it. I will STAY over it. I will not go back to Inuyasha. No matter what the hell he does.

I stared outside my window. Past the trees, branches and leaves. The moon was full and round, all the stars were twinkling brightly, as if to say, it's a miracle. Something is going to happen soon. I just hope that I'm not the one Lady Fate will be messing around with. I spun around on my chair trying to get rid of my thoughts. In four hours I have to get dressed, and I have to get to the Cafe. Strabucks wouldn't you know it? Whoever thought they would have actually made a spot for poets? I sure didn't.

God. I was so close to forgetting him wasn't I? I was so close. So damn close. Now... I can't even think straight. Him. All because of him. Oh and her too. Can't forget the rotting corpse now can we? I remember, once before, Inuyasha had looked tenderly into my eyes, you think this is going to be a nice memory? Anyways, he had looked tenderly into my eyes and uttered one word. Who can guess it? Yep, he said Kikyou. Don't ask me why. I don't think I look like her. I'm not THAT beautiful! Notice the sarcasm there... How is it that everytime I think now it's about HIM with HER. Why? I don't want to think about THEM. I just... do. Life is so cruel.

Tap-Tap

Huh? What was that?

Tap-Tap

Sounds like... knocking... on glass?

TAP-TAP

What...?

TAP-TAP CRASH!

Inuyasha....

I was... surprised to say the least. We all know that he isn't the most patient person in the world, but hey, that doesn't give him the right to break my frigen window! There he was, sitting on a tree branch, fist in the air as if to knock again, he just stared at the shattered glass. Hell, You don't know how much those cost! Where do you think I'll get the money?! I DON'T WORK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Okay. Calm. Count. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10. Breathe. C'mon Kagome, I coached myself, no need to kill Inuyasha at the moment right? Good. Now. Calmly go over the situation. Window broken. Cause: Inuyasha. Solution? Buy a new one. Even if it takes all your food money. Just don't get mad. Okay? Okay.

Now I think I'm okay... Because of the loud crash, everyone woke up and was staring at Inuyasha like he was crazy. I would stare too if I wasn't so busy coaching myself into not 'sitting' Inuyasha into the next oblivion. Anyone getting Deja Vu here? Oh yeah, this happened YESTERDAY. Although I am not going to leave. I will just not acknowledge his presence. Simple enough right? I mean, just pretend he did leave, he did go with Kikyou, he did not come back, and that he's a human right now because of Kikyou. Not really... reassuring thoughts... but as long as I can control my anger, I'll do anything. So, While everyone sat and... stared... I walked into my mini kitchen and began to prepare MY breakfast. They can make their own right? ... Too bad, I'm only making my own.

When I finished eating my cereal and milk, to my surprise...well... not really but... when I finished I looked around and they were still in the same position. Then it hit me. They can stay like that for HOURS! God, what have I been missing? Apparently a lot. So I did the only thing I could do at a time like this. I took a shower. What? Seriously, no peaking monks, no annoying hanyous, no demons running around, and no humans bugging me. Perfect timing ne? As I was gathering my toiletries, a felt a soft rubbing against my leg. I looked down and saw Kirara. Wow, I haven't noticed her till now. I kinda feel bad... I picked her up and set her down on my computer chair. "Stay" I told her, "Make sure that none of them get out of their trance before I get out of my bath kay?" She mewed in response and I set off to my bath.

I turned the water on to a nice warm. I stripped myself of my clothes and sank into the tub. Warm. I yawned. I put my head onto the side to supprt it, and keep it from going into the water. The rest of my body was submerged in the water. I yawned again. Well, I guess this is what I get for not sleeping last night. I let my thoughts drift, and all too soon I found myself falling asleep.

I opened my eyes, and I was hit with the harsh glare of the flourescent light. I could see a figure, but my vision was blured. Where am I? I moved my arms at the side and heard water swish. Water? Oh yeah, my bath. Oh my god... I glanced up, the figure was still there, and my vision still blured. I squinted, wait... is that DOG EARS?! I sat up, but thought better of it and quickly went down again. I screamed, as any other sane person would have done.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!"

"God will you shut up! Wench..."

"PERVERT! SIT! SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT!" This time, I didn't even think twice about sitting him into the next oblivion. The window I could handle, coming back to my time? Sure, leaving with the Bag of Dirt? Be my guest, but when you invade my personal space, this means war.

"BITCH!" He yelled as I watched him struggle to get out of the 7 feet deep crater.

"Sit." CRASH. Another foot?

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" His yell was muffled by the... uhm... cement... ouch.

"Hentai." I said, I grabbed my robe and other essentials and quickly left the bathroom, aware of the cursing hanyou. Just my luck. No where to change. Damn. What a great way to start off my day. Still though. ME! IN A BATH TUB! HAS HE NO SHAME?! God. I think he's spending too much time with Miroku. Psshhhtt. Oh yeah. He's too 'experienced' isn't he? He was the one who wanted pups with Kikyou huh? Well then. Now I know where Miroku gets HIS lechery. These people make me think too much. I need a vacation. A vacation from life. Not likely. The world sucks that way.

I snuck into the other girl's bathroom at the end of the hall. I changed and dried my hair. Brushed my teeth and basically made myself presentable. I wore Bluish-gray jeans that flared at the bottom, Quarter-long sleeves, the arms were gray and the middle white, and dark gray vest, and black sneakers. I re-checked myself in the mirror, was satisfied and went back to my room. I would move into my new campus house next week, so the dorm is where I would stay for now. When I walked in, I saw everyone just lounging around. I looked around and saw Kirara asleep on the chair I put her on. Was I asleep that long? I shrugged. I took a glance at my wrist watch and I had just enough time to make it to the cafe.

I walked to my desk, grabbed my notepad, and my pen, just in case I need to make some changes, and said,

"Hoy, I'm going to a cafe to recite some poetry, if you're coming come, if not then just stay here. Do whatever and stay out of trouble. Later." I walked out the door, and was awar of the eighteen feet that followed me. I didn't think that everyone would want to come, but I guess there's no problem. Right? Their clothes? Eh. I'll just say I have... out of town visitors. WAY out of town. I smiled inwardly at my pathetic joke. It felt nice to smile, even if it was just for a split second.

We walked out of the campus and onto the rows of shops upon the road.

"OKAA-SAN! LOOK! CHOCOLATE!"

"Kagome-Sama... the girls... are wearing... very short kimonos..."

"Oooh! Kagome-chan! This is the 'cosmetics' you were talking about! May we buy some?"

"Kagome-san, Sesshomaru and I, may we go into that market there?"

"Rin, We have to go to this... Cafe... first before we ask Kagome to go elsewhere"

"OI! WENCH! LET'S GO INTO THAT RAMEN HUT!"

"Meow."

Oh yeah... this is going to be a looooonnnggg day. Kami-Sama help me!!!





Ame: A little humor, but of course... more angst to come!

Kori: HA! One of your reviewers said I was funny! I TOLD YOU I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT SO!

Ame: Thank You to that CERTAIN reviewer. Now her ego is full blown. I'm going to have to listen to her rant...

Kori: I AM THE BEST! NO ONE CAN BEAT ME! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ame: God help me.

Kori: I am sooo better than you...

Ame: That's nice to know. Review. Please. Save me from my ego.

Kori: ...and I am better than your puny friends and...

Ame: ... help ... anyone?