InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Reincarnation Isn't Always a Good Thing! ❯ 20 ( Chapter 20 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Bookkbaby84 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Adventure / Comedy / Romance / Suspense | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 02.07.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 219 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Adventure / Comedy / Romance / Suspense | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 02.07.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 219 | Status: Completed
"I hate going back to my past, but you asked for it. I don't remember all of it, only feelings and the odd incident or two. I should probably start with my so-called family." Mahkoto took a deep breath before continuing.
"I had a twin sister- Shouri- two older sisters- the oldest, Nenj, and the second oldest, Lijl- and the middle child was my older brother- Sujitn. (Pronunciation: Shouri- (show-li), Nenj-(neen- g), Lijl- (ly-g-l), Sujitn- (sue-g-tin)) Then there was my mother and father." Mahkoto seemed to hesitate, but Santu gave a low whistle.
"Five kids. Seven person family. Your house must have been so busy."
"Busy yes, happy, no. My mother could get angry at anyone if tehy so much as breathed wrong. I normally played peacemaker, making up for what Shouri did wrong. She was younger than me by a whole hour and a half, so I was the responsible one. Shouri was always the baby of the family. I think I hated her the most." Sharp intakes of breath were heard.
"Yes, I hated my twin sister. I didn't like the older kids either, but I'll save them for later. To give you an idea of what she did, she was an idiot. well, that's not true, she did get better marks in school than I did, she just always needed my help to do it. She'd always say that the teacher didn't explain anything- we were in speerate classes, but learning the same things, so it was a plausible excuse. I was always the one who had to help her with her homework- she could never do it herself. That is why so got the grades she did. Mom and Dad would yell at me if I refused to help." Mahkoto took another deep breath.
"That isn't the only reason I disliked her so. She was always sarcastic with me, angry all the time. She'd yell at me in the morning, calling me stupid or somesuch, acting all crabby- a total bitch, if you excuse my swearing. Then she'd act all nice, like she was a perfect angel, while around Mom or Dad so they never suspected her. It was always my fault when she failed a test- I failed to help her study properly. It was my fault if the chores were undone- it was always my half that was messy. It was always my fault that nothing was where it should be, or that her books were missing, or that she got bad marks on her homework. Everything was my fault." Mahkoto laughed, ignoring the shocked looks on the faces of the four seated near her.
"She had used me. She was the baby, so I helped her out, but she'd only call me her older sister when it was useful to her. She'd only be respectful and nice when she could use me. She'd borrow my things, and never give them back, or put them away, blaming it on me when the house wasn't clean. It was my stuff, she'd say. Whenever I wanted to borrow something of hers, I had to ask so that she'd consider it. Normally, she'd say no, that she had been planning on using the shirt or whatever in the near future. When it was obvious that she wasn't, I'd have to ask my mother if I could borrow the item. Then- only then- Shouri would give it up, but she'd glare daggers at me and ask 'when have I borrowed anything from you?'" Mahkoto managed to raise her face from the ground, looking everyone in the eye.
"And she believed that she had problems. She, the golden-child, spoiled brat of the family, believed that she had no life. She had more friends than I ever did, was popular at our school, and generally well-liked by everybody. I was a social outcast, death to your social life if you so much as spoke to me." Mahkoto breathed again, a ragged, sad sound.
"They hated me. My older sisters were hardly ever around- when they were, they borrow Shouri's and my things, returning them in a few years. Sujitn was hardly ever home- he was in the army. When he was home, he teased and picked on me constantly. I tried to avoid him."
"Mom and Dad were at each other's throats constantly. Always fighting, sometimes over the littlest thing. They could have broken apart at any moment. Usually, I would play the peacemaker, making sure that they stayed together so that the little rag-tag family I was a part of could stay. It was a strain on me, a terrible strain." She looked at everyone again, making sure that they absorbed the info.
"That was my family life. I remember little about my school years. All I really remember is pain- not physical. Mental. I was teased and hated at my school during elementry school, everyone calling me the crybaby, or just avoiding me because I read all the time. It was a force of habit. I couldn't get anyone to talk to me, so I read when I could. During middle school, my reputation got worse. You could have had the plague and be dying and still eb cool, but if you associated with me, you might as well be pond scum." Mahkoto took another breath. She seemed to be trying to fight back tears.
"I began to contemplate self-murder then." Another gasp. Kagosha stared openly at Mahkoto, eyes wide.
"You.... you've got to be kidding....."
"I'm not kidding. I was afraid though, afraid of death. That was the only thing that kept me alive. I was scared of death, scared of what mght happen to everyone once I was gone. My dad would turn to drinking, my mother would get rid of my father, and Shouri would kill herself." Mahkoto looked at Kotan.
"I've already said I hate it when people get hurt." Kotan nodded dumbly.
"I can't trust anyone. I think I lost the ability. I just feel empty now. Any physical pain I feel has been felt a hundredfold by my heart, so I don't honestly care anymore. I haven't changed since middle school. I'm just afraid to tur the blade on myself. If I had a few plants, I would whip up a poison, but I don't know if I'd drink it. I still hate myself. Perhaps that's why I hate talking and care little for other people." Mahkoto eased herself back down, but shot Kotan one last look.
"I'm used to people judging me. I've felt it a thousand times over. A thousand thousand times I wished that I would die on the spot, but my wish was never granted. Are you happy? You learned that I'm a chicken. I may be a chicken, but- from another view- I'm also strong. How many people could honestly handle this self-loathing, this absolute hatred of yourself- and still live? I may be the only one." Mahkoto closed her eyes.
"I will have to continue this when I wake up. I'm exhausted, from talking about the past as much as using that energy in the clearing. At least you understand me a bit better now." Mahkoto closed her eyes and fell asleep instantly, leaving the other four staring at her.
"That can't be true...." Santu said, shocked.
"She actually wanted to kill herself? That's messed up-" Kotan started, but Kagosha interrupted her angrily.
"If half of what she said is true- if even half of that had heppened to me- then I'd be pretty mad at the world, too. We're lucky that that didn't happen to us."
"I feel pretty sorry for her." Nakago said softly. "Don't you? I just wonder why she's in the cave."
"Maybe to get away from everyone else? The people that teased her?" Santu ventured.
"I don't know, but I think we should all get some sleep." Kagosha said, lying down. The others quickly followed suit.
They were all asleep within the hour.
*Next day*
Mahkoto was the last to awake. Everyone was already up, and had already eaten breakfast, a little of teh meat left over for Mahkoto. She ate it quickly.
"Do you still want to hear the rest?" They nodded. She gave a dry smile and continued.
"As I said, I was used to people judging me. It stopped affecting me eventually, so I managed to ignore everyone else. I spent a great deal of my time meditating. Around the time when I turned 12, I started to experiance these 'powers', one of which you witnessed in the clearing." She looked at Kagosha.
"You said I control Air. That's not true. I can only use a part of Air- Wind. It takes lots of energy for me to do so. Usually I take a drink made with dubrell- it gives me energy." Santu nodded- he had heard of that herb.
"I was young then- I'm only 13, but I grew up so much in a year, I still think of myself as 'young' then- so I couldn't control my emotions. When I was extremely sad, Water would make itself known somehow, normally by drizzling. When I was tired, for some reason, Wind would comfort me. When I was angry, a fire would leap, or a house would catch on fire. When I was hiding my anger, Earth would try to help. I would always be extremely exhausted, and I normally fainted after something like that happened. Eventually, the events were traced to me. They threw me out, my own family at the head of the mob. I still get a few supplies every now and then, but I don't make it a habit. I like to be left alone. Now I can control when they come. That's all there really is to my story."
"Hey- how hard would it be to make shields? Use Wind, Water, Earth, and Fire as weapons?" Kotan said, thinking ahead. 'Fire is useless against Fire. This way, we can fight Malum! With just the four of us it would be difficult, but if she helped, we would be able to.'
"I don't know if I could. I wouldn't be able to make them do anything, not all at once, so you'd have to support them yourselves. I'd call them, and they'd come, but they might not agree. Who do you want to fight, anyway?" Mahkoto asked, looking at Kotan.
"None of your-"
"It is her business. If she helps, then she has a right to know." Santu said.
"Santu's right, Kotan." Nakago said. "We got the truth out of her, now she deserves the truth out of us."
"Fine. We want to take down Malum- the youkai that's been burning towns." Kotan said. "It would help is we had some sort of sheild."
"I can't promise anything, but I'll help." Mahkoto closed her eyes again. "Can someone help me up?" Santu stood and extended his hand. She opened her eyes and took it, pulling herself up.
"Thanks. You did gte new water for the bucket, right?" Kagosha answered.
"Yes. We put it right back, too." Mahkoto stumbled over to the bucket, unsteady on her feet. She drank about half of it before setting it back down.
"Thanks. I should have my energy reserves built back up by tomorrow. I just need food and water until then." She stumbled back to the wall, and sat down.
"Anything I can do for you?" Kagosha asked kindly.
"Nope. I'll be fine." Mahkoto smiled thinly.
"All that's left is to wait for tomorrow."
"I had a twin sister- Shouri- two older sisters- the oldest, Nenj, and the second oldest, Lijl- and the middle child was my older brother- Sujitn. (Pronunciation: Shouri- (show-li), Nenj-(neen- g), Lijl- (ly-g-l), Sujitn- (sue-g-tin)) Then there was my mother and father." Mahkoto seemed to hesitate, but Santu gave a low whistle.
"Five kids. Seven person family. Your house must have been so busy."
"Busy yes, happy, no. My mother could get angry at anyone if tehy so much as breathed wrong. I normally played peacemaker, making up for what Shouri did wrong. She was younger than me by a whole hour and a half, so I was the responsible one. Shouri was always the baby of the family. I think I hated her the most." Sharp intakes of breath were heard.
"Yes, I hated my twin sister. I didn't like the older kids either, but I'll save them for later. To give you an idea of what she did, she was an idiot. well, that's not true, she did get better marks in school than I did, she just always needed my help to do it. She'd always say that the teacher didn't explain anything- we were in speerate classes, but learning the same things, so it was a plausible excuse. I was always the one who had to help her with her homework- she could never do it herself. That is why so got the grades she did. Mom and Dad would yell at me if I refused to help." Mahkoto took another deep breath.
"That isn't the only reason I disliked her so. She was always sarcastic with me, angry all the time. She'd yell at me in the morning, calling me stupid or somesuch, acting all crabby- a total bitch, if you excuse my swearing. Then she'd act all nice, like she was a perfect angel, while around Mom or Dad so they never suspected her. It was always my fault when she failed a test- I failed to help her study properly. It was my fault if the chores were undone- it was always my half that was messy. It was always my fault that nothing was where it should be, or that her books were missing, or that she got bad marks on her homework. Everything was my fault." Mahkoto laughed, ignoring the shocked looks on the faces of the four seated near her.
"She had used me. She was the baby, so I helped her out, but she'd only call me her older sister when it was useful to her. She'd only be respectful and nice when she could use me. She'd borrow my things, and never give them back, or put them away, blaming it on me when the house wasn't clean. It was my stuff, she'd say. Whenever I wanted to borrow something of hers, I had to ask so that she'd consider it. Normally, she'd say no, that she had been planning on using the shirt or whatever in the near future. When it was obvious that she wasn't, I'd have to ask my mother if I could borrow the item. Then- only then- Shouri would give it up, but she'd glare daggers at me and ask 'when have I borrowed anything from you?'" Mahkoto managed to raise her face from the ground, looking everyone in the eye.
"And she believed that she had problems. She, the golden-child, spoiled brat of the family, believed that she had no life. She had more friends than I ever did, was popular at our school, and generally well-liked by everybody. I was a social outcast, death to your social life if you so much as spoke to me." Mahkoto breathed again, a ragged, sad sound.
"They hated me. My older sisters were hardly ever around- when they were, they borrow Shouri's and my things, returning them in a few years. Sujitn was hardly ever home- he was in the army. When he was home, he teased and picked on me constantly. I tried to avoid him."
"Mom and Dad were at each other's throats constantly. Always fighting, sometimes over the littlest thing. They could have broken apart at any moment. Usually, I would play the peacemaker, making sure that they stayed together so that the little rag-tag family I was a part of could stay. It was a strain on me, a terrible strain." She looked at everyone again, making sure that they absorbed the info.
"That was my family life. I remember little about my school years. All I really remember is pain- not physical. Mental. I was teased and hated at my school during elementry school, everyone calling me the crybaby, or just avoiding me because I read all the time. It was a force of habit. I couldn't get anyone to talk to me, so I read when I could. During middle school, my reputation got worse. You could have had the plague and be dying and still eb cool, but if you associated with me, you might as well be pond scum." Mahkoto took another breath. She seemed to be trying to fight back tears.
"I began to contemplate self-murder then." Another gasp. Kagosha stared openly at Mahkoto, eyes wide.
"You.... you've got to be kidding....."
"I'm not kidding. I was afraid though, afraid of death. That was the only thing that kept me alive. I was scared of death, scared of what mght happen to everyone once I was gone. My dad would turn to drinking, my mother would get rid of my father, and Shouri would kill herself." Mahkoto looked at Kotan.
"I've already said I hate it when people get hurt." Kotan nodded dumbly.
"I can't trust anyone. I think I lost the ability. I just feel empty now. Any physical pain I feel has been felt a hundredfold by my heart, so I don't honestly care anymore. I haven't changed since middle school. I'm just afraid to tur the blade on myself. If I had a few plants, I would whip up a poison, but I don't know if I'd drink it. I still hate myself. Perhaps that's why I hate talking and care little for other people." Mahkoto eased herself back down, but shot Kotan one last look.
"I'm used to people judging me. I've felt it a thousand times over. A thousand thousand times I wished that I would die on the spot, but my wish was never granted. Are you happy? You learned that I'm a chicken. I may be a chicken, but- from another view- I'm also strong. How many people could honestly handle this self-loathing, this absolute hatred of yourself- and still live? I may be the only one." Mahkoto closed her eyes.
"I will have to continue this when I wake up. I'm exhausted, from talking about the past as much as using that energy in the clearing. At least you understand me a bit better now." Mahkoto closed her eyes and fell asleep instantly, leaving the other four staring at her.
"That can't be true...." Santu said, shocked.
"She actually wanted to kill herself? That's messed up-" Kotan started, but Kagosha interrupted her angrily.
"If half of what she said is true- if even half of that had heppened to me- then I'd be pretty mad at the world, too. We're lucky that that didn't happen to us."
"I feel pretty sorry for her." Nakago said softly. "Don't you? I just wonder why she's in the cave."
"Maybe to get away from everyone else? The people that teased her?" Santu ventured.
"I don't know, but I think we should all get some sleep." Kagosha said, lying down. The others quickly followed suit.
They were all asleep within the hour.
*Next day*
Mahkoto was the last to awake. Everyone was already up, and had already eaten breakfast, a little of teh meat left over for Mahkoto. She ate it quickly.
"Do you still want to hear the rest?" They nodded. She gave a dry smile and continued.
"As I said, I was used to people judging me. It stopped affecting me eventually, so I managed to ignore everyone else. I spent a great deal of my time meditating. Around the time when I turned 12, I started to experiance these 'powers', one of which you witnessed in the clearing." She looked at Kagosha.
"You said I control Air. That's not true. I can only use a part of Air- Wind. It takes lots of energy for me to do so. Usually I take a drink made with dubrell- it gives me energy." Santu nodded- he had heard of that herb.
"I was young then- I'm only 13, but I grew up so much in a year, I still think of myself as 'young' then- so I couldn't control my emotions. When I was extremely sad, Water would make itself known somehow, normally by drizzling. When I was tired, for some reason, Wind would comfort me. When I was angry, a fire would leap, or a house would catch on fire. When I was hiding my anger, Earth would try to help. I would always be extremely exhausted, and I normally fainted after something like that happened. Eventually, the events were traced to me. They threw me out, my own family at the head of the mob. I still get a few supplies every now and then, but I don't make it a habit. I like to be left alone. Now I can control when they come. That's all there really is to my story."
"Hey- how hard would it be to make shields? Use Wind, Water, Earth, and Fire as weapons?" Kotan said, thinking ahead. 'Fire is useless against Fire. This way, we can fight Malum! With just the four of us it would be difficult, but if she helped, we would be able to.'
"I don't know if I could. I wouldn't be able to make them do anything, not all at once, so you'd have to support them yourselves. I'd call them, and they'd come, but they might not agree. Who do you want to fight, anyway?" Mahkoto asked, looking at Kotan.
"None of your-"
"It is her business. If she helps, then she has a right to know." Santu said.
"Santu's right, Kotan." Nakago said. "We got the truth out of her, now she deserves the truth out of us."
"Fine. We want to take down Malum- the youkai that's been burning towns." Kotan said. "It would help is we had some sort of sheild."
"I can't promise anything, but I'll help." Mahkoto closed her eyes again. "Can someone help me up?" Santu stood and extended his hand. She opened her eyes and took it, pulling herself up.
"Thanks. You did gte new water for the bucket, right?" Kagosha answered.
"Yes. We put it right back, too." Mahkoto stumbled over to the bucket, unsteady on her feet. She drank about half of it before setting it back down.
"Thanks. I should have my energy reserves built back up by tomorrow. I just need food and water until then." She stumbled back to the wall, and sat down.
"Anything I can do for you?" Kagosha asked kindly.
"Nope. I'll be fine." Mahkoto smiled thinly.
"All that's left is to wait for tomorrow."