InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Shadow In Her Midst ❯ My Shadow. No Shadow. I'm a Shadow. ( Chapter 2 )

SHADOW IN HER MIDST

By L.O. a.k.a. azn_otaku

InuYasha Fanfiction

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A/N: Okay, so here's the second chapter! I've gotten a lot more reviews for the last chapter, I'm surprised at its popularity. But I supposed it's reasonable, there have been a lot of InuYasha fics coming out so I suppose that a lot more people are reading them.

Reader Responses:

amakara: I thank you for the compliments, I do try to get the grammar and spelling correct. Although, I sometimes slip up and let an occasional misspelled word in the chapters, but I suppose that would be forgiven?

Tenshi-Hotaru: Hey! Glad you decided to look into this. I really love your reviews for Sunshine, although I don't reply to all the reviews in that fic. But it's cool to see a familiar reviewer. And yeah, InuYasha and his little posse are Juniors. I had read off of several InuYasha sites that InuYasha is slightly older than Kagome, so that's the way I made it in this fic!

Three-Letter-Word: It's nice to hear specifics about what people like, you know? That way I know what I'm doing right and what I can improve on! Thanks for reviewing!

Laura-chan: I had the inspiration from `Time Stranger Kyoko', as I had mentioned in my last chapter. And I had thought that creating an InuYasha fic would be the perfect setting because of Kagome and Kikyou. I'm glad some people see that!

crystal-chan: A lot of people say I'm able to portray emotions pretty well. I hope this is true, I'll continue doing what I'm doing! ^__^

Harm Marie: Well, that's a good thing that this is original, right? At least I'm not cliché. That would be going against my unique nature and all that.

Crimson Hawk: Interesting...is that a good thing or a bad thing? I can never tell.

Nite1: Originality is a good thing! What do you like that's so different for this fic?

Girl-who-sings-the-blues: I agree, I.N.V.U. is a pretty cool manga. Have you read Mars? I like that one too. Well, Kagome is entering a new high school with new people in it, so InuYasha doesn't know Kikyou. But he will meet her eventually. (A little spoiler just for you!) And yeah, like I said, I have read on many different sites that InuYasha is thought to be slightly older than Kagome. So I made him a Junior instead of a Freshman like our girl protagonist.

KNE: My InuYasha is good? I'll keep that in mind and I hope you like his character in this chapter! You know, someone else had reviewed my `Miko' fanfic and said that I was a good writer but I had crappy ideas. Weird how different peoples' opinions can be, isn't it?

Dreaming_Girl: I'll try not to rush through writing. And I'll try to get my chapters out as fast as I can while still writing well. That sound fair?

Mizu no Megami: Sesshoumaru will be here, probably in the next chapter. He's mentioned in this one but he doesn't make an appearance until the next! And you should send me any ideas you have, I may even incorporate one into this fic. Or I'll store it in my mind for future fics. Unless you want to write a story of your own with that idea. In that case, you should keep it to yourself. I don't want to steal other people's ideas! ^__^

InuKitsuneMiko: Wow, that's certainly an enthusiastic response. Yes, this will be an Inu/Kag pairing! Hope you're happy!

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"......." Dialogue

[.......] Thoughts

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Chapter Two: My Shadow. No Shadow. I'm a Shadow.

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"The room was large and stifling, and, though it was already four o'clock, opening the windows admitted only a gust of hot shrubbery from the Park. Daisy went to the mirror and stood with her back to us fixing her hair."

I heard my voice in the distance, as if I were detaching myself to watch the scene before me. I was sitting in a chair beside my comatose sister, she had on one of those white hospital gowns. Her bed had been positioned so that she was "sitting up". My mother was beside me in another uncomfortable chair. I had a book in my hands.

"He unrolled the bottle of whiskey from the towel and put it on the table."

Kaasan believed that if I read Kikyou classics, fine literature, then she would wake up as a girl even more intelligent than she had been before. I had read this book at least five times before, it was one of my favorites. I like good literature, or any kinds of books in general. Kaasan doesn't know that though. I buy my own novels with money I make from working at Sunset. Kaede knows I like books.

"There was a moment of silence. The telephone book slipped from its nail and splashed to the floor, whereupon Jordan whispered "Excuse me" -but this time no one laughed."

Kikyou lay there, her eyes closed. She's fed daily, they even wash her hair and give her baths. Her hair's longer than mine, but our face shape is almost exactly the same. I don't know what her eyes look like though. I've never seen them. Kaasan doesn't keep photos of Kikyou around the house, she believes that if she did then it would be like Kikyou was already dead. Like she's mourning for her daughter by creating a memorial through pictures. She still wants to hope for Kikyou waking up.

She has lots of pictures of me, though.

Really, I don't mean anything by those comments. I love my Kaasan dearly! She was the one who had bought me my very own clothes. I had my very own room. It was Kikyou's. None of the decorations were changed, but I never bring that topic up. I don't mind living in a room that is essentially my sister's. I'm afraid that if I do say something, Kaasan will call me Kikyou again. That scares me even more than cars do.

"The music had died down as the ceremony began and now a long cheer floated in at the window, followed by intermittent cries of "Yea-ea-ea!" and finally by a burst of jazz as the dancing began."

I wonder if people think me pathetic.

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Shippou wriggled in excitement. Today was the day Kagome came! Once school started, she only worked on weekends and some Fridays, so he didn't get to see her as much as in the summer. He bounced up and down as one of the other workers tried to get his pants on.

"Shippou! Shippou! Kagome's here!" Rin burst into the room, her brown eyes as delighted as the little boy's. She was already dressed in a hand-me-down purple shirt and some old jeans that were too long for her, the ends had to be rolled up. Her long black hair was pinned up to the side with a tiny ponytail sticking out. She bounced up and down impatiently while the assistant finished buttoning up the small boy's second hand shirt.

"Kagome! Kagome!" They ran towards the main hallway.

The two were the best of friends, Rin only a year older than Shippou. They had both been dropped off at birth by young teenage mothers who couldn't handle the responsibility of children. Kagome had still been at Sunset when they were mere babies, so they had come to think of the girl as their surrogate mother. Shippou had thrown tantrums for a week when Kagome had been adopted. In his mind, Kagome was like all things warm and caring. When she had gone, he had felt lost and afraid.

"Hey Shippou! My, how you've grown!" Kagome settled into their age-old routine, started only since she had begun to work at Sunset after being adopted. Her eyes lit up in mock surprise, measuring the little boy's height with the palm of her hand. Rin came up to hug her tightly as Shippou grinned. He craned his fuzzy orange head as far as it would go while standing on his tiptoes.

"Look Kagome! At least a foot!"

"Wow, you're almost as tall as me now!"

The three giggled as Kagome dropped off her bag at the doorway along with her light jacket. It was starting to get cooler, what with fall coming on. Rin took her hand eagerly, leading her down towards Kaede's office. This was also routine, the two kids waiting while their mother signed herself in for work. Shippou had managed to grab a cookie off of one of the tall tables in the entranceway and was currently munching away to pass the time. He had just finished off the last bite when his mother came out to play.

They normally started off with a board game or two during colder weather such as this. Monopoly was the first choice but some other kid had taken all the money just yesterday and had hid the stash somewhere in his dorm room. So for an hour, the trio ended up taking out a deck of cards to play multiple rounds of Go Fish.

"You got any threes?"

"No! Go Fish! Go Fish!"

"Alright, alright. You're a little hyper today, aren't you Rin-chan?"

It was when Shippou was handing Kagome his King that he spoke up with that small childlike voice of his.

"Kagome?"

"Hai?" The girl scanned her cards before placing the pair of Kings down on the ground in front of her. She smiled at her little charge. After a morning with Kikyou, it was times like these that she most looked forward to. The two of them loved her unconditionally, no matter what she was like now. No matter how pathetic she was.

"Ano...do you like...having a family?" He looked up at her with large innocent eyes full of curiosity.

"...Hai..." Kagome halted before giving him a smile that didn't seem to reach her eyes, "...I'm happy with my home. I couldn't ask for anything better."

"Oh..."

They continued to shuffle their cards back and forth, while Kagome stared down at her legs. The kids didn't seem to notice the way her voice was slightly more subdued and the memories of her silent sister in the white hospital bed were filling her glassy eyes.

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InuYasha cursed quietly to himself when he burned his hand upon the hot stove, attempting to fix himself a lunch. He was alone in the house, his brother had an important business meeting. There were no sounds of loud bickering, or the overpowering tension that came with the siblings living under the same roof.

He smiled to himself in the silent kitchen. With Sesshoumaru gone, he didn't feel so angry. He always felt a little put off with his half brother there, even if it was that half brother that kept him fed and in a good house. His parents had died long ago. But it didn't really matter what happened to them, he was barely three when they were killed. His father, InuKiba Taiyoumaru was a big time business owner and had even been in the papers more than once. There was a bunch of political crap surrounding the man and his wife, they were assassinated one night while coming back home from a play.

[Damn Oyaji. Didn't know what was good for him.]

Sesshoumaru had been twenty at the time of the murder, and he had inherited his father's company. Even though InuYasha had been a love child born from a torrid affair between his father and some secretary, the older Taiyoumaru knew enough to keep up a good front by adopting his brother into his home graciously.

[Gracious, my ass.]

It was good that the house was quiet, that meant that he didn't have to hear his brother insult him. Or worse, give him those looks that clearly said that he was not wanted. That he was some sort of inconvenience that wasn't even worth thinking about.

InuYasha had learned to fend for himself at a very early age.

[Miroku and Kouga are okay. But I don't need anyone to help me. I'm fine on my own.]

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August 22, 2000

When was it that I first realized that I was a shadow? That no one wanted me?

I think back to the days when Kaede-obaasan used to hold me to her chest and take all my fears away. Back when I would have those silly little nightmares at night and believe that there really was a monster under my bed. She would wrap me up in a large blanket, and we would sing to the stars in the inky black sky. I had even thought that the stars sung back, they twinkled so very brightly when I looked up into the window.

But I know now, that no one wants me. I knew the moment I saw the truth in Kaasan's eyes. In her eyes, I see the reflection of Kikyou.

I had tried to make friends in middle school. Ever since I started second semester in seventh grade, I was always the most cheerful girl in class. I always had the cleanest clothes, the most neatly done hair, the most legible notes. I was learning archery at a quick pace, I had even joined up with the swim team for a time. But Kikyou never swam and Kaasan was afraid that it would give me wrinkles. I wouldn't look like Kikyou if I had permanent wrinkles.

It was in eighth grade when I finally had someone to call a friend at my school. I could only see Sango every couple of weekends, when my Kaasan agreed to drive me over to her house or allow her to sleep over at mine. I never had a school buddy until eighth grade. That was when Chika came along.

She was a really nice girl, I had thought that she liked me for myself. I was still trying to keep my identity back then, you see. I still had those few quirks like refusing to answer the phone until it had rang at least two times, or cutting out magazine ads to decorate all my books and school stuff with. The first time my mother had seen my artwork she had looked at me, as if seeing me for the very first time. She told me that cutting out magazine ads was a waste of time. Nicely, of course. My Kaasan is very considerate. That had been the end of that hobby.

But Chika had brought me into her group of friends. They were a little popular, enough so that they were socially accepted. I was really happy then, I would tell Sango every detail of our conversations during classes, and I would keep all the little notes we passed to each other during lectures.

It wasn't until the end of the school year that she revealed something to me. Something that caused the sleepless nights in this past summer, and for Sango to worry over me that first day of school. I'll tell you what she said, it's burned into my memory.

"Don't you realize that your mother doesn't love you? My God that's pitiful."

I'm sure she didn't mean that in a bad way. Chika would never have said anything hurtful to me, she was my friend. It didn't matter that we had grown apart over the summer, or that she hadn't spoken to me since. She had slept over for the very first time, at the end of eighth grade. The day after that she told me the truth. I am grateful for her honesty, really I am.

I truly am pitiful, aren't I? It's the complete truth.

-Kagome

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When I finally finished the last word to my diary entry, I looked back at the page with a sigh. The letters were blotched, the black ink was smeared in places with blots of water sprinkling over the neat lined handwriting. I really didn't mean to cry. These things happen sometimes.

I don't think I'll be able to read my diary from now on, I can't understand the black splotches that dot every page.

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A/N: Is everyone happy?

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JAPANESE DICTIONARY

Kaasan - Mother

-Chan - Suffix used for someone younger than you or someone you're familiar with.

Hai - Yes. Right.

Ano - Well. Um.

InuKiba - The name of InuYasha's father and something I came up with on the spot. Inu is `dog', Kiba is `Fang'. So it's essentially `Dog Fang' or something along those lines. Stupid, I know, but I had to have a name!

Taiyoumaru - InuYasha's last name. Taiyou is `sun', and Maru is `circle' so the crude translation is most likely `sun circle'. Heh. Doesn't really mean anything, just there to give them a last name.

Oyaji - A disrespectful term for Father.

Obaasan - Grandmother

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