InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sod's Survival house (OF HELL!) ❯ Week2-Day9-Tuesday ( Chapter 9 )

I would like to say this: I will not type the next chapter unless I get 5 reviews! If you people don't like it...tell me why...if you do...tell me why. My mind is starting to go blank, right now I have no more ideas left after this chapter...enjoy you're last chapter...NONREVIWERS! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! It's 12:00 a.m. and I need to get more sleep! But the sniper must stay focus! Have fun and please, please give me your ideas, if I get 50 reviews by Friday the 30th, I'll have a new chapter posted each day! I'll work through my homework and then I'll type a chapter...unless I'm out of ideas, I NEED MORE IDEAS, I will give you credit. So don't blame me if this chapter sucks!

Disclaimer: Too tired, tell you tomorrow...zzzz...zzzz...CRAP! I can't sleep I HAVE CHAPTER TO TYPE! I MEAN SHOW TO RUN!

Chapter 9: Week2-Day9-Tuesday

12:00 a.m.

"I can't believe this is happening!" yelled Kouga.

"I don't remember anything!" yelled Inuyasha.

"Why don't we go to sleep and think about it in the morning!" yelled Naraku.

"Ok, but you two will be wearing clothes." replied Kouga.

"...ok..." replied everyone.

8:00 a.m.

"Yawn!" yawned Shippo as he woke up. "Rise and shine everyone!"

"SHUT UP SHIPPO!" yelled everyone as they threw a pillow at him and knocked him out.

9:00 a.m.

"I smell bacon..." said Shippo as he woke up.

"HEY RISE AND SHINE EVERYONE!" Sod yelled.

"We woke up 10 minutes ago, where were you?!" replied Kikyo.

"Let me rewind...!ENOYREVE ENIHS DNA ESIR YEH." said Sod and everyone look confused...except Sesshomaru, who's brushing his hair. "You will each get a check-up from one of my doctors at noon."

"Why did you do that?" asked Inuyasha.

"Ratings are...good..."

"SO?!"

"Need great..."

"*Looks into camera* Ladies and gentlemen we will be having technically difficulties taking this guy back to earth." said Inuyasha.

"Oh yea...here's the daily task!" yelled Sod.

"What the hell is it now!?" yelled Inuyasha.

"It's..."

---Commercial---

Two people are talking to each other.

"Bad news...Jennifer's pregnant." said the women.

"It's gotta be Jeff! He's always coming over there!" A dog walks in. Scene changes to a new person.

"Eliminate strays by having your dog spayed or neutered."

Narrator: "From the humane society, neutering or spaying your dog can and will reduce the number of strays.

---End Commercial---

"Were back in...3...2...1" said Henry.

"That was the scariest commercial ever!" yelled Kouga as he hid behind the sofa with the other 3 canines.

"I agree." they said in unison.

"So...what was the new task?" asked Kagome.

"Well...it's..."

"*DING DONG*" Kikyo opened the door. They all saw a red haired woman in a white coat.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Ramos, sorry if I'm too early."

"That's ok." replied Sod.

10:00 a.m.

After setting up the bedroom, they all got their check-ups.

---Results---

Inuyasha- Normal

Kagome- Normal...and in heat...

Sango- She doesn't want me to tell you but I'll do it anyways! If she were to have sex right now she would have twins!

Miroku- WHAT!? HAS A HIGH FERTALLITY RATE!?

Shippo- Battered, bruised, and hyper...thinking of getting him neutered...

Sesshomaru- refuses to take exam, says his hair is a mess...

Naraku- Can't find him...

Kikyo- She's dead...does it matter?

Kouga- Says he can only be checked by Kagome...no one told him it's a health check...I'M NOT A PERVERT YOU SICKOS!

"Well everything seems fine...except..." said Dr. Ramos, "Are those ears real?" asked the dr. as she rubbed Inuyasha's ears.

"Is that all!?" asked Inuyasha.

"Oh yea, Kagome's pregnant."

---Commercial---

A soldier appears.

"Freedom...liberty...protection..." said the soldier as another soldier appears.

"Rights...help...action..."

"Life...technology...peace..." the three soldiers fade and narrator speaks.

"The United States Army...an army of one."

---End Commercial---

"Were back in 3...2...1..." said Henry.

"WHAT THE F*** IS WITH THESE INTERRUPTIONS!" yelled Inuyasha.

"The daily task is advertisement. Every now and them you have to end a sentence with an ad." replied Sod.

"Back to subject." said Kagome.

"Well...Kagome's pregnant..." said Dr. Ramos.

"I can't believe it...Trojan condoms, America's favorite brand...if only Inuyasha knew about them...." said Kagome.

"HEY IT'S NOT MY FAULT! THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE!" yelled Inuyasha.

"Well...it does say 99.9% accurate." said Dr. Ramos.

"This can't be good..." replied Kagome.

"Well...we're sending a blood test to the lab; we'll have the results tonight or tomorrow."

"Before you go...who's the father?" asked Inuyasha.

"I think we all know who it is." said Dr. Ramos as she left.

11:00 a.m.

"Oh yea, we have visitors." said Sod. A large shadowy figure walks in with a smaller one.

"MOM?!" yelled Kagome.

---Commercial---

An anchorman starts talking.

"A bomb killed 6 people and injured 23 during an attack in Baghdad."

"The tragic attack killed 4 civilians and 2 soldiers. The attack also injured 17 civilians and 6 coalition soldiers." said the anchorwoman next to the anchorman.

"We will have more information at 10 after "Sod's Survival House(OF HELL!)" till then, this is CNN..."

---End Commercial---

"We're back in 3...2...1..." said Henry.

"What are you doing here!" yelled Kagome.

"I'm just happy I'm finally becoming a grandma!" replied her mom.

"I thought you hated me?" asked Kagome.

"Oh that! Apparently Sota "found" my "lost" cell phone."

"When I get home you are gonna dead!" yelled Kagome and Sota ran outside.

"By the way you have four more visitors." said Sod.

"Who?" asked Inuyasha.

"You'll see."

"KAGOME!" yelled one of the four shadowy figures.

"Eri...Yuka...Ayumi...and Hojo?" said Kagome nervously.

11:30 p.m.

(A/N- THANK YOU Sheamaru-sama for the idea! I will change it around bit put I did mention you!)

"So this is the mystery man..." said Eri.

"What? You don't know?" asked Miroku.

"Well yea...we don't watch "Fox"." replied Ayumi.

"There is one thing that bothers me..." said Yuka.

"What is it?" asked Inuyasha.

"Are those ears real?" they all asked as they began to play with his ears.

"Hey who are they?" asked Naraku.

"Where were you!?" asked Sesshomaru.

"I was hiding as a thermometer in the bedroom."

"...ok..."

"I'm gonna start lunch...maybe a little extra for the "baby"."

"I gotta find a better job than reality shows." replied Kagome.

"Why do you live with so many men..." asked Hojo.

"It's a reality show."

"And what does it have to do with you're "problem"?"

"The test was wrong! It's another way to get ratings up!"

"DO YOU THINK I WOULD ACTUALLY DO THAT!" yelled Sod.

"Yes." answered everyone, but the girls as they began to pet Inuyasha to death.

"I like you're hair Sesshomaru." said Ayumi.

"Me too." said Yuka.

"How do get it so silky?" asked Eri.

"Well...all I do is use Youkai shampoo."

"Can I have some?" asked Yuka.

"Sure."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Where did you learn to cook Naraku?" asked Kagome's Mom.

"It just comes to me that's all; Betty Crocker's cookbooks are the best."

"What! You cook gourmet French cuisines! And I can't read French!"

"It's easy once you learn a few helpful tips, downloaded from the food network."

"Could you give some pointers?"

`Looks like I'm getting a new daddy to drive insane and make mom get a divorce...just like the other 7...' thought Sota.

12:30 p.m.

"Lunch is served!" said Naraku as everyone...including the guest came into a nicely lit room.

"So...Sango...why do you hate Miroku?" asked Hojo.

"Well *giggle* he's a pervert."

`It took me six years to be able to be friends! And she flirts with him when they meet! I gotta take notes...' thought Miroku...but you'd know that even if I didn't tell you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Your hair...it's so fluffy!" said Yuka as she ran her hands through it.

"And I love the tail!" exclaimed Eri.

"I love your body armor too!" said Ayumi.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I love the food!" said Kagome's mom.

"Hey, you cooked half of it!" replied Naraku.

"Not without your help!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

`How come everyone's having fun but me?' thought Kagome.

"Something wrong?" asked Inuyasha.

"Nothing..."

"You can tell me..."

"It's just..."

"MY PORKCHOP!" yelled Inuyasha as Shippo took it when he wasn't looking.

`If this were to happen...I wish I had that one night of fun...what am I thinking? Bad Kagome! Bad Kagome!'

2:00 p.m.

"That was some good food!" exclaimed Kagome's Mom.

"Do I have to tell you that you did make half of it!?" replied Naraku.

`Let's see what's on my agenda...' thought Sota as he pulled out a notebook. `Let's see...nag on Kagome...drive possible father-to-be Naraku insane just like the others...and ask Kagome and Inuyasha were babies come from...all I have to do is say I didn't listen in sex ed. yea that'll be fun! Five star...built strong to last long' Sota closes the book.

---Commercial---

Inuyasha and friends are running through an open field.

Narrator: Watch Sod's Survival House(Of Hell!), Monday-Sunday from 7-10.

"WHAT!" yells Inuyasha.

A bullet it him and he's down.

Narrator: Where Sod keeps you entertained and them miserable.

"YOU'RE ALL EVIL!" yells Kouga.

Narrator: Yes we are.

---End Commercial---

"I wonder where's Kouga?" asked Naraku as he walked into the bathroom. (A/N-Maybe he's in a commercial.)

"I think he's weeping outside? I'll get him." replied Kagome. She walks outside and sees Kouga in a tree. "What's wrong Kouga?"

"It's just...wait a minute..." he replied as he started to sniff Kagome's...lower front...

"HENTAI!" yelled Kagome. "I think he's been hanging around Miroku for to long."

3:00 p.m.

"INUYASHA!" yelled Eri as she and her friends followed.

"AHHH!" screamed Inuyasha as he ran, "Contact Bob's agency for all your stalker problems!"

"WHAT A CUTE TAIL!" squealed Yuka as she started to rub Shippo's tail.

"HEY KAGOME'S..." yelled Kouga, but Kikyo slammed the door in his face. She walks over to Sota and rips up his notebook, pours vinegar on Naraku's head, drops a vase on Miroku and put gum on Sesshomaru's hair.

"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A BITCH KIKYO!?!" yelled Inuyasha.

"Without pain life has no meaning; I intend to give your life meaning!" replied Kikyo.

"That explains everything." said Sango as she and Hojo went outside with Miroku following...

`What doe she see in him?' thought Miroku.

"I like your hair Sango." said Hojo.

`Compliment on her hair.'

"Well, yours is nice too *giggle*."

`Make sure she giggles.'

"So, why are you here?" asked Hojo.

`Ask why she's here.'

"There's a dream vacation, and 250,000 dollars for the last two standing."

`His forms all wrong!'

"You're in this for the money?" asked Hojo.

`He's supposed to grope her she lets her guard down!'

"Well...I kind of wanted to make some knew friends."

"What about Kagome?"

`Smart...get them together and have a three-way!' thought Miroku as he munched on a potato chip.

"She's a bitch!"

"If she's your friend than you should talk to her."

`She's falling into his trap...'

"I mean...if you get this show canceled than you'd be out of here!" said Hojo and Miroku does and anime fall.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!" yelled Miroku and Sango looked really pissed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"WHAT!" yelled Sod.

"That's it we get them out of here!" said Man1.

"Good idea..." replied Man2.

4:00 p.m.

Miroku shows up with a really pissed Sango.

"Hey everyone!" yells Sod.

"What is it?" asked Sango.

"You guys aren't taking the task seriously...so I'll make tomorrow a living hell."

"Well, I'm out of here! Use Visa, you get air miles!" said Sesshomaru.

"Very funny, and Hojo and friends have to leave. And no Sota you won't be able to use the "I didn't listen in Sex ed." excuse to ask Kagome where babies come from." Everyone looks at Sota.

"Time to go!" said Sota as he, his mom, and the three girls left the door.

"Uh...Hojo?" asked Eri.

"Can he stay for the night? He can sleep in my bed." asked Sango.

"You heard what Sod said, OUT, OUT, OUT!" yelled Miroku as he pushed him out the door. `Man he's good, gets to her bed in 5 hours. Glad I took notes.'

"You know now that I think about, having a baby won't be so bad." said Kagome.

"HUH?" asked everyone.

"Is it safe to come out now?" asked Shippo.

"Yes it is Shippo." answered Kagome. Shippo crawls out of the cupboard and jumps into Kagome's arms.

"The horror! All the tail petting!"

"Well, I've been enjoying taking care of Shippo and the baby wouldn't be so bad." says Kagome.

"Yea, I guess." replies Naraku.

"I actually would like it...after labor, of course."

"Kagome's not pregnant!" yells Kouga he finally wakes up.

"It was a way to get the ratings up, wasn't it?"

"No...You were just the 0.1" replied Sod.

"Oh, Inuyasha." said Kagome, "Can I talk to you in the bedroom...in private?"

"!" was everyone's expression. Kagome grabs Inuyasha's hand and runs into the room.

"Wait...this is on tele...great, break all the cameras!" said Sod.

5:00 p.m.

"They've been in there for 5 minutes!" yells Sod, "Henry! You're going in!"

"I knew I was next!" yelled Henry, a cameraman. He made "the cross" over his chest and burst in. Everyone gasped at what they saw.

(A/N- The cross is using 2 fingers and drawing a cross on your body.)

"OH MY GO..." yelled Miroku.

---We interrupt this program for this news update---

"Saddam Hussein has escaped from prison! We don't know how or why, but he has!" screamed the anchorman.

"He was last seen heading west." said the anchorwoman.

"The United Sates Army is on full alert and we suggest that everyone should take extreme cushion."

---Now back to Sod's Survival House(Of Hell!)---

"Is he dead..." asked Shippo as he sniffed Inuyasha.

"That's not how you do it, you have to poke him with a stick." replied Miroku as he poked him with his staff.

"What the hell happened?" asked Sango.

"The room's half destroyed, what else?" replied Sesshomaru.

"I guess she's mad about the whole trying to get ratings up with her "baby" thing." said Naraku.

"I've had enough of these people!" yelled Kagome.

"And why is Inuyasha on the ground?" asked Kikyo.

"I tried to stop her..."

"Kagome...I think we should talk..." said Sango.

5:30 p.m.

"I'm sorry about your "being mad about this" but I think it said that in the contract." said Sango.

"Like you care!" replied Kagome as she cried.

"I do...I also think this little fight has gone far enough."

"Yea, I guess."

"From now on we won't yell at each other."

"Deal and why were you with Hojo today?" said Kagome with a smug face.

"Oh that, I was just feeling sorry for him!"

"Yea! That's real good! No really, why?"

"I just told you." said Sango, `Why won't she believe me.'

"I don't think that's the real reason."

"WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME!?"

"YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT!?"

"YOU BITCH!"

"F*** YOU!" Yelled Kagome and she jumped Sango. Sango kicked her off, but she landed on her feet.

"Calm down you two!" exclaimed Miroku as he held back Kagome, and Naraku held back Sango.

6:00 p.m.

"I think we better clean this place up." said Sesshomaru.

7:00 p.m.

After finally cleaning up the bedroom, everyone relaxed...yea, right.

"I hate you Sango!" yelled Kagome.

"Why don't you believe me!?"

"Why can't you trust me!?"

"Why can't you believe me!?"

"Looks like they're at it again..." said Sesshomaru as he drank some tea.

7:30 p.m.

"Dinner's ready!" yelled Naraku. Everyone went inside the room and sat down. Naraku had made a delicious turkey dinner. Everyone grabbed they're forks and munched on their food.

"I get the drumstick!" yelled Inuyasha.

"I get the other!" yelled Kouga.

"Turkey's are high in fat." said Sesshomaru as he reached for Tenseiga. Sesshomaru kills the messenger thingies on the turkey and it comes to life...the turkey grabs a knife...and all hell broke loose.

7:35 p.m.

"Run for your no good lives!" yelled Kikyo as they all ran WITH A KILLER TURKEY FOLLOWING THEM!

"Why the hell did you do that!?" yelled Inuyasha.

"Tenseiga's getting "rusty"..." replied Sesshomaru.

"I knew they should have confiscated it." The turkey runs into the living room to see nothing.

"When can we get out of here?" asked Shippo as he hid in the corner of the bedroom.

"Don't worry, Sod won't let anyone kill us." replied Kagome, `I don't think anyone will believe that."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"*Sip* I love it when this happens." said Sod as he dipped on some hot chocolate.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

BAM! The turkey bust into the room and it runs toward Naraku.

"You! You did this to me!"

"Holy s*** did the turkey just talk?" asked Kouga.

"It's not my fault I turn into girl turkeys so we can have fresh non-frozen turkeys." replied Naraku.

"NO WONDER HE HATES YOU SO MUCH!" yelled Kikyo.

"And that explains all the turkey sandwiches in the fridge." replied Shippo.

"So...how do we fix our problem?" asked Sesshomaru.

"I must kill him!" replied the turkey.

"Just eat him." said Inuyasha and then he leaped towards the turkey.

8:00 p.m.

"Wake up Inuyasha." said Kagome as she had Inuyasha in her lap.

"What the hell happened?"

"The turkey whooped your ass."

"You must really pity me."

"No, that's not it."

"What is it?"

"Take a look."

"I'm human!?"

"You transformed as you jumped into the air and that's how your ass got kicked."

"That's embarrassing."

"Not really, everyone else got their ass whooped too, until Kikyo dragged it to hell."

"You mean, she's gone?"

"Yes."

"*BOOM*" A flame appears and Kikyo's back.

"I'm back! And I'm refreshed that I met all my relatives back home!" said Kikyo.

"Well, easy come, easy go." said Kagome.

"Literally."

8:30 p.m.

"We really must sleep, especially after the turkey incident." said Sango as she gave a dead glare towards Sesshomaru.

"Hey this is Sod with some good news!" soon everyone's face brightened.

"WHAT IS IT!" everyone wanted to know so badly.

"The turkey incident made our ratings fly so high, we beat "Survivor"!"

"That's the good news?" asked Inuyasha.

"Yea, and remember...tomorrow, I sent you all through ten levels of HELL! MUAHAHAHAHAH! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! MUHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" asked Sango.

"Because it's something to make the ratings go up."

"Yea, that..."

9:00 p.m.

Everyone went to sleep, tired after getting their asses whooped by a killer turkey revived from the dead.

---------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------

HAHAHAHAHA! I got that idea as I was eating chicken! But I thought a killer turkey would be more fun! I thought of the Saddam escape yesterday, and you'll see why tomorrow. Remember, you guys have 13 reviews now, but 37 to go!

Over and Out.

`I like Sota...I see a little me inside him...WTF!' thought Sod, "I THOUGHT I TOLD TO STOP PLAYING WITH THAT MIND READING MACHINE!"

"Get out of my face Jeff, or else I'll break your other arm!"

*Camera shuts off.*