InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Suddenly Love ❯ inuyasha ( Chapter 36 )

Well, yes… I am confused about my feelings. That's the reason I canceled my date, that's the reason I've been avoiding her and that's the same reason my mind has been so troubled lately. I now know that I never felt this with Kikyo before, it's very different from the things I felt with her so maybe that was love or maybe this is love. I can't really find which is true and which isn't true so the time I left I was doing what any man in girl trouble will do or maybe what any man who is in kinder garden and believes that flowers really keep mysteries about love and other stuff. I went to the park and plug out a flower and started the popular game of `she loves me, she loves me not' but instead of chanting that in my head I started saying `I love her, I love her not'. After the tenth flower I had a match, 5 of the flowers I had played with said that I loved her, which was good but the other 5 said that I didn't so that made insecure. I know that I shouldn't have even showed up that night. The next day, after I heard her cry the whole night and wanted to choke with a pillow while I slept, I went to her room. Today was the day that Rin had been waiting for more than a year, the day she would marry my brother. I was also waiting for this day, which meant that I would finally have my father's money but I didn't care about that anymore. I walked inside her room and she was in the dress I had bought for her, she looked so beautiful that I wanted to look at her the whole day but I knew I couldn't because I had screwed up last night.

 

“I see you're not ready” she said while she took a look at me, I was still in my pajamas.

 

“No, I just woke up… I'm changing to my tuxedo and then we'll leave, are you okay with it?” I asked and she gave me one of her fake smiles and nodded.

 

“Sure” she finally said.

 

“Okay, wait for me downstairs” I said and she nodded.

 

I changed to my outfit, I was supposed to walk to the altar before Rin came inside the church but I haven't told Kagome yet. I thought that maybe that day I wouldn't be talking to Kagome that much. Everything I did was stupid and I know that Kagome knows that she knew that I know that and maybe things wouldn't be as I pictured them. Things would be different from now and I could feel it just because of those 3 stupid words, `I love you'. Why are them so hard to say and why can they cause so much pain?! What is it with women and those words?! Why do we necessarily need to say them to know that we care about each other? It's obvious we like each other so why screw it up by pronouncing that phrase, its so cliché that one day someone will make a documentary of how many movies use that phrase and how many books use it to make women cry. Unfortunately, when men are in love… those kind of things affect us too, we don't cry that's for sure but in some sort of way, it twitches our heart watching the girl we are in love with react that way when they hear them. So now that I'm giving it a deeper thought, things might be as I think they are… things might be like this when you're in love. I finally came out the room in my clothes and Kagome looked at me with a smile.

 

“Hey… I thought you were never coming down” she said and I shook my head lightly.

 

“Sorry I took so long” I apologize and she gave me a nod.

 

“You look good” she said and I gave her back the smile.

 

“You look gorgeous” I took her hand and pulled her out to my car, while I drove to the church, we both remained quiet.

 

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When we arrived over there, we took our separate ways. I wanted to be with her but she found her way through the huge crowd standing there and I just watched her leave. It made my heart ache to see her leave me just like that even thought I knew she was coming back. As I was going to take my seat over at the groom's side while I waited for the ceremony to start and to take Kagome with me to walk down the aisle to let Rin have her big entrance and have her happy ending… that lucky bitch, scratch that… that lucky girl. I was bored as hell, half an hour was missing till the real ceremony started and then my eyes fixed on the girl who was sitting on the bride's, she was so familiar. She had long black straight hair, with a white hat on top of her head. When she turned to look at me, I just froze. Why would Kikyo be in Sess's wedding?

 

“Inuyasha! I've been eager to see you!” she said and hugged me, she tried to kiss me but I pushed her away from me before her lips could touch mines.

 

“What… are YOU doing here?” I asked half mad half disappointed, if I needed anything else to ruin even more my relationship with Kagome right now that would be Kikyo.

 

“Excuse? I thought you would be happy to see me here…” I shook my head.

 

“No, I'm not… how did you even get in? You need an invitation for this sort of thing” she giggled.

 

“I said I was your date” I was very angry at those words but once I saw her laughing, I realized she was lying.

 

“No, seriously… what are you really doing here?” she scoffed.

 

“I'm a wedding guest, as for you Inu you…”

 

“I hate that nickname” I finally said and she looked at me offended.

 

“Whatever, as for you Inuyasha you can't question me something that doesn't concern you” she looked at me with her icy eyes, just when I was about to tell her that it does concern me because it's my brother's wedding and because I don't want to see her here, I heard my brother's voice calling me.

 

“Inuyasha! It's family picture time!” he said and I sighed.

 

I walked outside to see someone else I didn't want to see and that would be mister imbecile. Kagome was already out there talking to him and laughing with him, yeah… go ahead and pretend that nothing is wrong. I got pissed, didn't she knew how much it hurt me to see her with that guy flirting and smiling and being so happy? Something that should belong to me, flirting with her, making her smile, making her happy… I would love to do that.

 

“Inuyasha, straight up your tie” Sesshomaru whispered and I arranged my tie while Kouga prepared his shot. “Kagome, come here… you're part of my family too”

 

“Oh no Sess, I mean… this is kind of a brother's thing… I just couldn't ruin that” she said and I rolled my eyes and grabbed her hand to pull her towards me.

 

“I want you to be in the picture, for me” I whispered in her ear, I placed her right in front of me and I moved my head to appear in the picture, I could see Kouga's face red in anger but I didn't care about him as long as I was able to hold her in my arms.

 

Once he took the picture, Kagome practically ran from my grasp and went inside church. Sesshomaru elbowed me as he made a sign with his head to Kouga, which meant to leave us alone. He pulled out a cigarette and offered me one; I shook my head since I hate that horrible habit but he lighted up and took some of the smoke inside his mouth.

 

“Problems with your girlfriend?” he finally asked and I let out a heavy sigh.

 

“You wouldn't believe” I said, I didn't want my brother to know what was going on in my so called love life, I felt like crap already I didn't want him to make me feel even worst.

 

“Seems like she is very furious or very hurt” I hope it's the first one; it made me sigh again and popped a question to my mind. I tried so hard not to ask Sesshomaru but finally the words just blurted out of my mouth.

 

“Sess… how do you know you're in love?” those words came out, I refused to make eye contact with my brother, he eyed me surprised and took one last inhale of his cigarette before throwing it to the ground and started thinking about my question.

 

“Are you serious?” he asked incredulous by what I just asked him and I just scoffed.

 

“Forget it” he laughed.

 

“You think you might be in love and you don't even know what love is?” he asked and as I turned to look at him furious he laughed some more. “Alright, I'll help you decipher what love is… love it's like… an orange”

 

“What?!” I looked at him more confused than ever.

 

“Yes, an orange… you see outside it seems sour but in the inside is very sweet” I tapped the back of his head.

 

“That's marriage you idiot, that's an analogy to marriage” he rolled his eyes.

 

“Whatever then… have you ever been on a roller coaster?” he asked and I sighed.

 

“Please don't sing `Roller coaster of love'” I pleaded and he laughed.

 

“Alright, then how am I supposed to tell you what love is?” he asked and I lost my patience.

 

“You are marrying Rin! Don't you think you're doing it because you're in love?!” he nodded.

 

“I'm in love with Rin that's true, I love her and I'm eager to marry her but… I can't explain how it feels” I looked at him, finally he said something intelligent.

 

“Why?” he shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I don't know… I mean, it's really difficult to explain… have you ever felt like you lose everything in you mind just by looking at someone?” I thought about it for a second, I couldn't remember if I did or I didn't because he asked me something else. “Have you ever felt your heart sink whenever she tells you something about another guy?” I tried to think but damn Sesshomaru came up with more questions. “Have you ever felt the need of being around her the whole day?”

 

“I might…” I answered to all and he looked at me with pity.

 

“Then you will never know what it feels like…” he was walking inside church when he came back and sat next to me again. “Oh, if you ever tell anyone we had this conversation… I'll kill you when you sleep and I mean it”

 

I watched Sesshomaru walk away, that made me worry. Not his threat but all the questions he had asked me, what if I never felt them? I have such a bad memory, I curse myself. I was about to start to remember everything that happened since the first day I met Kagome but then I heard her voice which brought me back to earth.

 

“Sess says that the wedding is about to start and that I'm supposed to walk down the aisle” I nodded and hooked up my arm with hers.

 

“Have you seen Rin?” she nodded. “How does she look?”

 

“Beautiful” she answered and gave me one of her genuine smiles, when we heard the music playing, we started walking inside.

 

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“Cheers!” I heard everyone chorus and I woke up, Rin read the longest and cheesiest speech I ever heard.

 

“You're so mean” I heard Kagome whisper as she clapped while Rin pulled out Sesshomaru for their first dance as husband and wife.

 

“Why?” I asked dumbly, she rolled her eyes at me and turned to look at me.

 

“How could you sleep when she was saying something so sweet?” she asked me and I shrugged my shoulders.

 

“Romance isn't my thing” I answered and that made her sigh. “I mean… cheesy things, not romance entirely”

 

“Whatever” she mumbled and walked away from me, great just when I was feeling that I wasn't that much of an asshole.

 

I saw her leave my side and felt like grabbing a gun and firing at my head. Why did I have to screw it up? Why did god hate me so much like to make my life miserable? I didn't want to think anymore and I thought I needed a drink. The place that Sess had rented for his party was kind like his house for the weekends, it was big and very quiet and far away from the actual city. The huge house from the outside was white and on the inside it had many colors, I like to call it a clown's vomit decoration, thanks to the mixture of colors. As I was saying, I walked outside and found the waiters bringing inside boxes filled with appetizers and alcohol, I grabbed a bottle of champagne and a glass, I served myself while I thought about Kagome and those stupid words.

 

“You never liked to drink alone” I heard Kikyo say behind me and sat next to me.

 

“Well, now I do… so please leave” she shook her head while she yanked my glass and drank some of the champagne.

 

“You know something Inuyasha?” I remained silent but she continued. “I never broke up with Naraku… I just liked your attention; I don't know… there's something in you that make me want to be with you”

 

“I know what is that…” she smiled at me. “Money” the smile vanished and she gave me that same cold look she gave me before.

 

“Why are you being such an asshole?” I've been wondering the same thing. “Just because now you're with her it's no reason for you to treat me like shit”

 

“It's not her Kikyo… it's you, I thought I made it clear when I said that I didn't want anything to do with you anymore… it's not fair that you don't respect my decisions”

 

“Well to me is not fair that just because you found someone else you can forget everything that happened between us… I mean, I loved you and I…”

 

“Hold on a second… you loved me?” I asked amazed and she sighed.

 

“I think I did” she answered truthfully and then she sighed. “Do you think you ever loved me?”

 

I was speechless, if I didn't know if I was in love with Kagome, how was I supposed to know that I ever loved Kikyo? How was I supposed to answer to something I didn't even know what it was? For some reason drinking made me feel better when it came to love so I wanted more champagne; she offered me the glass but I grabbed the bottle and had what my mouth could keep. Once I swallowed it I felt the alcohol hit me and I coughed lightly.

 

“I don't know” she frowned. “It's just… yeah… maybe I did, but I just don't know how it's supposed to feel like”

 

“Inuyasha, you claimed you loved me before and now you don't know what it feels like?” she asked amazed and I sighed. “Alright weirdo, I'll tell you what love is to me… love is the most perfect connection between to persons, if something bothers you but the person you love likes it you can handle it, love is whenever you see someone and your heart beats faster and makes you lose your breath with one look… it's when butterflies hit your stomach because of the nervousness of knowing that you'll see that person… for me, that's the closest you can describe love because it is such a great feeling that… no words can match it”

 

“Whoa…” was the only word I was able to mutter, I never thought Kikyo was this deep and I never even thought she was in love with me… did she thought all of this when we were a couple?

 

“So… what do you think now? Are you still confused about your feelings or do you really love me?”

 

“Yeah…” I paused for a second to really think if I ever did indeed love her. “I once did” I answered with a smile and she finished the rest of the champagne in the glass.

 

“Judging by your answer… I think you moved on, like you told me” I nodded lightly and she let out a relieved sigh. “Thank god…”

 

“I think this is the best for us” I said and drank more champagne from the bottle.

 

“So are you in love with her?” she asked and I thought about it.

 

“With Kagome?” I asked and she nodded kind of mad. “I think I might be”

 

I was ready to go inside and try what Kikyo had just made clear for me; I was ready to tell Kagome that yeah, I was in love with her, that I'm such and idiot and that I'm sorry that it took me so long to finally say it. I looked for her at our table but only her purse was there, I was a bit surprised by it. I was about to ask Rin if she had seen her but looked at Rin dancing with Sess. I thought she looked so happy and I didn't want to disturb her with my problems, I searched for her everywhere and finally I went to the second floor, I thought I heard someone crying and I stepped to the balcony at the end of the aisle. I could see Kagome crying on that bastard's shoulder, I was furious but I wanted to know why she was crying so I didn't stop them although it was driving me crazy.

 

“I hate him…” I heard her whisper. “I can't stand it anymore, I hate him more than ever… I hate Inuyasha” my heart sunk at those words.

 

“Hush babe, everything will be alright” Kouga said as he caressed her hair and she held him tighter.

 

“I can't believe I ever thought I loved him” she cried some more and that's about when I felt my heart breaking into pieces.

 

I saw him lift her chin, clean her tears away and without any further notice… he kissed her. I was about to hit him, to throw him off the balcony and tell him to never get close to her again when I saw her enjoying it as much as he was. Their kiss seemed to be so passionate that I wanted to puke and throw myself off that balcony, I couldn't stand it anymore and walked away that room but not before making something to make her realize I had seen everything. She turned around and looked at me; I will never forget that look. It was a weird mixture of sadness and anger but at the same time of heartbroken. If that was how she felt, she should have wait to look at the pieces of my heart poured everywhere in my body.

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: there I made it a bit longer, didn't I? Well this is IMPORTANT so people listen up… I posted two new stories, that's right… well, one of them is the so long waited sequel for `There's something so special about her' so for the ones who read that story check it out and the other is called `I love the cook, I mean to cook' which is a cute love story about chefs… lol anyway don't forget to check them out and this time I might find it a bit more difficult to update considering that I have 4 stories to write… anyway! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE 200 REVIEWS!!! =) especially to shipporinKIMS11 who took some time to give me like 3 reviews till she could reach the 200 (I really, REALLY appreciate it!!!) so anyway… please do check my new story and for those fans who loved my story `There's something so special about her' check the sequel… and review please!!! =)