InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The InuInfoNet ❯ Symptoms, Confessions, and Major Disturbances ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Starlight Vixen 
Episode Two. Hojo and Kikyou warning.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Romance / Fantasy / Adventure / Action | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.03.2004 | Pages: 6 | Words: 2.2K | Visits: 203 | Status: Completed
Episode Two. Hojo and Kikyou warning.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Romance / Fantasy / Adventure / Action | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.03.2004 | Pages: 6 | Words: 2.2K | Visits: 203 | Status: Completed
(note: the idea for the Naraku virus is from an old thread on an IY ML, kay?)
The Inu Information Network Presents:
Your Daily News
Your Hosts Are:
Besa, Kiki, Kagami, and Jessim
-Start Episode 2-Symptoms, Confessions, and Major Disturbances-
Besa: I’ve just spotted Hojo again. . . he's wearing those damn monkey pajamas. . .
Kiki: Hello and welcome to this special edition of news line,
Random Girl: Oh no what will we do?!
*Hojo is walking down the street, girls of all ages are running away from him*
Besa: JUST GREAT. . . this coupled with that Naraku infection going around. . . we have a full-scale emergency, Kiki. Want me to go over the symptoms of the Naraku disease again for the viewers?
Kiki: Yes, please *looks around looking for Hojo* Hojo can't come here right?
Besa: I hope not. . .
Kiki: *suddenly Hojo appears right behind her smiling*
Hojo: Oh you must have back problems, let me rub your shoulders...* rubs shoulders*
Kiki: Ahhh, he's here!! What do I do?!?
Besa: Oh no! He's got KIKI!! Somebody HELP!!!!!
*military men come out with mud spraying it on hojo*
Hojo: Oh no! Now I’m dirty!! Ahhhhhhh!!! *runs off stage*
Besa: Anyway, the symptoms of the Naraku virus are:
1.) The larynx constricts, changing the laugh from normal to "kukuku"
2.) The victim starts to have an affinity for baboon-skin robes and breaking up relationships
3.) They begin to believe they can take over the world with little tiny pieces of glass that can "magically" give them power
Kiki: There’s a problem: Hojo has both diseases, boy stupidity and the NARAKU VIRUS!!! RUNNNNNNN!!!
Besa: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Can you think of any other symptoms, Kiki? What should we be aware of? And how do we recognize "B.S.I." or "Boy Stupidity Infection" in its early stages? Are there any known cures or ways to stop its growth?
Kiki: Well, there are no cures sadly. It happens to all boys, some worse than others. Some of the symptoms are:
#1 boy buying you lots of medicine even if you are not sick
#2 boy thinking you love him even though you do not
#3 boy ACTUALLY LISTENING TO YOU!!! (That’s the big one)
#4 boy never gets jealous thinks your always just friendly for being friends
Besa: You know, though, I think I read something somewhere about the hormones that block the victim's intelligence. I believe that the hormone (clulessinum) will be produced less once the victim has "settled down," I.e. - has a steady girlfriend (or wife), has defeated any romantic rivals/mortal enemies, and gotten rid of or played match-maker with those nuisances known as "ex-girlfriends."
Kiki: Yes, that is the best treatment. But if you have both then you’re a goner or you get paired with an evil bitch that can control you.
Besa: Ouch. . .
Kiki: That’s what I said
Besa: I almost feel sorry for our case study in B.S.I.
Kiki: Yes. . . but note the “almost,” right?
Besa: Yep.
Kiki: Where has Hojo gone? Do you know?
Besa: Maybe he went to see Kagome?
Kiki: We should keep a close watch now that... hey where are all the other males? They’re gone. SATOSHI where are you?
*crickets chirp*
Kiki: I’m getting very scared now. . .
Besa: did Hojo get Satoshi? Or did the virus?
Kiki: Um. . . I think Hojo. . . killed all the men . . . .NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Besa: CRAP!!! That Evil B*STARD!!!
Kiki: NOOOOOOO my wonderful boyfriend is gone!!!! Oh, it seems that Kagome is with Hojo
*plays tape*
*Tape playing*
Kagome: Umm. . . hello Hojo-kun. . .
Hojo: *smiles, with strange glint in his eyes* kukukuku - uh, ahem - Higurashi-san, I have a present for you. It's - *kneels on
ground* I want you to live with me forever!! *evil glint in eye*
Kagome: Um, Hojo-kun, that's very nice. . . .
Inuyasha: Shut up you damn human male! *knocks Hojo out* You won't take MY woman... Ahem, I mean, Kagome away from me!
*cut to the reporters*
Besa: *reaches for some of Kiki's popcorn* YEAH!!! go INU!!!!
*back to tape*
Kagome: Um, well, I think Hojo is being....
Kikyou: HOJO, my love!!!!
Inuyasha: NANI!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Kikyou: *leans over Hojo* Hojo, come back to me. . . *slaps Hojo*
Hojo: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! Demon woman!!!!!!!!!! *cries*
Kikyou: You idiot! *kisses hojo* My love! *slaps Hojo* You idiot!! *kisses Hojo* My love!!
*Back to the Reporters*
Besa: *chokes on popcorn, Kiki slaps her on back* Oh my GOD!! That's so DISTURBING!! Kiki, shut it off, shut it off!
Kiki: *presses button* I CAN'T, I CAN’T!! NOOOOOO!
*Back to Tape*
Kikyou: *slaps Hojo* YOU IDIOT!!! *kisses Hojo* MY LOVE!!!
Hojo: MAKE LOVE TO ME!!!!!!!!!
Kikyou: *slaps him* NO I'll NEVER MAKE LOVE TO YOU, HOJO!!! *hugs him* Oh yes I will, Hojo, I love you! *kisses him*
*Back to Reporters*
Kiki: I can't shut it off. . . Nooooo. . .
Besa: My eyes, my eyes. . . I'm gonna die. . .
Kiki: Me too. . . let’s hope this isn’t R rated. . .
Besa: Please! *gasps for breath* Somebody, save us. . . ! *passes out*
Kiki: *takes TV and throws it out the window* YESSSSSSSSSS!
Besa: *wakes up* I'm alive. . . I’M ALIVE!!!
Kiki: Thank goodness.
Besa: But. . . what about Kag and Inu?
Kiki: Um, I don't know?
Besa: Maybe. . . we should go check on them?
Kiki: Yes, let’s go
Besa: I think we should bring eye protection, just in case. *grabs shades*
Kiki: *grabs shades that have ribbons, bows, and sparkly stuff on them*
Besa: *sweatdrop* C'mon.
Kiki: Coming.
*a minute and a half later*
Kiki: *behind bushes* There they are, sitting next to each other in the park.
Besa: *peers around bushes* They don't LOOK like they're doing anything too icky
Kiki: Yeah. Let’s hear it. *grabs extendable ears*
Inuyasha: If, um ... what I mean to say is... would you have said yes if Hojo was normal?
Kagome: Why do you care, inuyasha? I’m your "tama detector."
Inuyasha: Well I ... what I mean to say is... I ... You’re more than a tama detector, I guess... I was just wondering, would you?
Kagome: i don't know inuyasha. . . would you say yes to me if _I_ were normal?! If I didn't live by continually hopping between your time and my own?!?! *realizes what she's saying, blushes, and turns away from Inu*
Kagome: *whisper* Would you say yes if Kikyou wasn't here. . .
Inuyasha: *blushes* But you are normal, I’m the one that’s a fucking freak. I could never hope to have a normal life. *hears Kagome's whisper* Kikyou... I don't love Kikyou if that’s what you mean... I mean not anymore... not that I did love her... Um, you know what I mean... I think. *thinking* Inuyasha no BAKA, BAKA!
Kagome: *turns back, wiping away tears* you're not a freak, inuyasha. . . *runs her fingers along one ears, smiling as it twitches* your parents loved you very much. . . they are each a part of you. You are so unique. . . stronger than regular humans, but you still have your heart. . . and you can do what you want with that heart, love who you wish to. . .
Inuyasha: *turns to her* You...you don't think I’m a freak?
Kagome: Of course not, Inuyasha. I just wish that I could help you see that for yourself.
Inuyasha: How? *touches her cheek*
Kagome: I already told you, you're special. I've never known anyone like you in my entire life. But it's kind of sad to realize that you're only listening to the people that don't know you, won't let themselves know you. Sesshoumaru, those people when you were younger, the villagers we come across; if you don't care about them, you shouldn't care for their opinions of you. The ones that matter are those whom you care for and who care for you back
Inuyasha: Kikyou thought I was... disgusting... She only wanted to.. be with me... if I turned human... *tear falls off his cheek*
Kagome: Oh, Inuyasha! *hugs him, burying face in his shirt* You're fine just the way you are! If she hasn’t seen that, she's certainly missing something! I love you the way you are! *freezes in Inu's embrace*
Inuyasha: Do... Do you really lo-ove me?
Kagome: *refuses to look at Inu, keeping face buried in his shirt, makes some sort of noise in the back of her throat*
Inuyasha: Cause I... I love you, Kagome... * hugs her tighter*
Kagome: *eyes fly open* I love you too, Inuyasha, I love you too. . . *hugs him tighter, if that's possible*
Kiki: Ahhh isn't that cute Besa?
Besa: Yeah. . . uh, let's get out of here before they notice us. . . *grabs Kiki and sneaks back to the station*
Kiki: So, another happy... Nooo, Hojo!!!!!
* all over the station there are TV’s showing Hojo and Kikyou making out*
Kiki: It burns…*twitches*
Besa: Ahhh. . . .no! Not again. . . somebody stop them. . .
Kiki: *goes to a switch in the wall turns off all power* Thank goodness! *turns on flash light*
Besa: Joy!
Kiki: Yes!
Besa: Hey, though, how long till we can get those cameras back?
*suddenly the station comes back to life, all males come back, too*
Kiki: Ooh, look, everybody is back!
Besa: Cool.
Kiki: Now what?
Besa: Uhh. . . PARTY!!!!
Kiki: Oooh, what about Sango and Miroku?
Besa: Let's invite them and get them drunk. I mean, Inu and Kag got it together, so Miroku and Sango need a shot at it too. *snicker*
Kiki: Yes. *sends out invitations*
Besa: Did you send one to Hojo, or Kikyou?
Kiki: No, was I supposed to?
Besa No, you weren't, THANK GOD!
Kiki: Yeah
Besa: I do NOT want to see those two glued to each other's necks all night!
Voices: Did like some one invite us to a party?
*Hojo and Kikyou appear behind them*
Besa: HOLY SHI--*pauses*--KON SHARDS!! How the HELL can you do that?!
Kikyou: Do, like, what?
Besa: APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE!
Kikyou: Well, like, I turned into, like, a prep. They have weird, like, powers you know. *giggles*
Besa: Ahhh! This is scarier than, like, before! *smacks self*
Kikyou: Well Hojo taught me, like, yeah!!!!
Hojo: So... when’s this party?
Besa: *presses little red button labeled ’PANIC’ on underside of desk* SECURITY!! Get these two out of here! And I don't care HOW!
*little clowns come in*
Little Clowns: WE’RE SECURITY!!
Kikyou, Hojo: RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!! *disappears with a little pop*
Besa: I still say that's creepy. . . *mutters unintelligible things under breath*
Kiki: Yes, very.
Besa: So, who did you invite, besides Miroku and Sango?
Kiki: Um . . . a bum, a hobo, and a king, a clown, a teacher, and an artist, another bum, an archeologist, and an alien, and a couple more. . .
Besa: So, is this Operation Get-Miroku-and-Sango-drunk-and-alone-to-admit-their-undying-devotion?
Kiki: Yes!!!
-End Episode 2-Symptoms, Confessions, and Major Disturbances-
The Inu Information Network Presents:
Your Daily News
Your Hosts Are:
Besa, Kiki, Kagami, and Jessim
-Start Episode 2-Symptoms, Confessions, and Major Disturbances-
Besa: I’ve just spotted Hojo again. . . he's wearing those damn monkey pajamas. . .
Kiki: Hello and welcome to this special edition of news line,
Random Girl: Oh no what will we do?!
*Hojo is walking down the street, girls of all ages are running away from him*
Besa: JUST GREAT. . . this coupled with that Naraku infection going around. . . we have a full-scale emergency, Kiki. Want me to go over the symptoms of the Naraku disease again for the viewers?
Kiki: Yes, please *looks around looking for Hojo* Hojo can't come here right?
Besa: I hope not. . .
Kiki: *suddenly Hojo appears right behind her smiling*
Hojo: Oh you must have back problems, let me rub your shoulders...* rubs shoulders*
Kiki: Ahhh, he's here!! What do I do?!?
Besa: Oh no! He's got KIKI!! Somebody HELP!!!!!
*military men come out with mud spraying it on hojo*
Hojo: Oh no! Now I’m dirty!! Ahhhhhhh!!! *runs off stage*
Besa: Anyway, the symptoms of the Naraku virus are:
1.) The larynx constricts, changing the laugh from normal to "kukuku"
2.) The victim starts to have an affinity for baboon-skin robes and breaking up relationships
3.) They begin to believe they can take over the world with little tiny pieces of glass that can "magically" give them power
Kiki: There’s a problem: Hojo has both diseases, boy stupidity and the NARAKU VIRUS!!! RUNNNNNNN!!!
Besa: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Can you think of any other symptoms, Kiki? What should we be aware of? And how do we recognize "B.S.I." or "Boy Stupidity Infection" in its early stages? Are there any known cures or ways to stop its growth?
Kiki: Well, there are no cures sadly. It happens to all boys, some worse than others. Some of the symptoms are:
#1 boy buying you lots of medicine even if you are not sick
#2 boy thinking you love him even though you do not
#3 boy ACTUALLY LISTENING TO YOU!!! (That’s the big one)
#4 boy never gets jealous thinks your always just friendly for being friends
Besa: You know, though, I think I read something somewhere about the hormones that block the victim's intelligence. I believe that the hormone (clulessinum) will be produced less once the victim has "settled down," I.e. - has a steady girlfriend (or wife), has defeated any romantic rivals/mortal enemies, and gotten rid of or played match-maker with those nuisances known as "ex-girlfriends."
Kiki: Yes, that is the best treatment. But if you have both then you’re a goner or you get paired with an evil bitch that can control you.
Besa: Ouch. . .
Kiki: That’s what I said
Besa: I almost feel sorry for our case study in B.S.I.
Kiki: Yes. . . but note the “almost,” right?
Besa: Yep.
Kiki: Where has Hojo gone? Do you know?
Besa: Maybe he went to see Kagome?
Kiki: We should keep a close watch now that... hey where are all the other males? They’re gone. SATOSHI where are you?
*crickets chirp*
Kiki: I’m getting very scared now. . .
Besa: did Hojo get Satoshi? Or did the virus?
Kiki: Um. . . I think Hojo. . . killed all the men . . . .NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Besa: CRAP!!! That Evil B*STARD!!!
Kiki: NOOOOOOO my wonderful boyfriend is gone!!!! Oh, it seems that Kagome is with Hojo
*plays tape*
*Tape playing*
Kagome: Umm. . . hello Hojo-kun. . .
Hojo: *smiles, with strange glint in his eyes* kukukuku - uh, ahem - Higurashi-san, I have a present for you. It's - *kneels on
ground* I want you to live with me forever!! *evil glint in eye*
Kagome: Um, Hojo-kun, that's very nice. . . .
Inuyasha: Shut up you damn human male! *knocks Hojo out* You won't take MY woman... Ahem, I mean, Kagome away from me!
*cut to the reporters*
Besa: *reaches for some of Kiki's popcorn* YEAH!!! go INU!!!!
*back to tape*
Kagome: Um, well, I think Hojo is being....
Kikyou: HOJO, my love!!!!
Inuyasha: NANI!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Kikyou: *leans over Hojo* Hojo, come back to me. . . *slaps Hojo*
Hojo: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! Demon woman!!!!!!!!!! *cries*
Kikyou: You idiot! *kisses hojo* My love! *slaps Hojo* You idiot!! *kisses Hojo* My love!!
*Back to the Reporters*
Besa: *chokes on popcorn, Kiki slaps her on back* Oh my GOD!! That's so DISTURBING!! Kiki, shut it off, shut it off!
Kiki: *presses button* I CAN'T, I CAN’T!! NOOOOOO!
*Back to Tape*
Kikyou: *slaps Hojo* YOU IDIOT!!! *kisses Hojo* MY LOVE!!!
Hojo: MAKE LOVE TO ME!!!!!!!!!
Kikyou: *slaps him* NO I'll NEVER MAKE LOVE TO YOU, HOJO!!! *hugs him* Oh yes I will, Hojo, I love you! *kisses him*
*Back to Reporters*
Kiki: I can't shut it off. . . Nooooo. . .
Besa: My eyes, my eyes. . . I'm gonna die. . .
Kiki: Me too. . . let’s hope this isn’t R rated. . .
Besa: Please! *gasps for breath* Somebody, save us. . . ! *passes out*
Kiki: *takes TV and throws it out the window* YESSSSSSSSSS!
Besa: *wakes up* I'm alive. . . I’M ALIVE!!!
Kiki: Thank goodness.
Besa: But. . . what about Kag and Inu?
Kiki: Um, I don't know?
Besa: Maybe. . . we should go check on them?
Kiki: Yes, let’s go
Besa: I think we should bring eye protection, just in case. *grabs shades*
Kiki: *grabs shades that have ribbons, bows, and sparkly stuff on them*
Besa: *sweatdrop* C'mon.
Kiki: Coming.
*a minute and a half later*
Kiki: *behind bushes* There they are, sitting next to each other in the park.
Besa: *peers around bushes* They don't LOOK like they're doing anything too icky
Kiki: Yeah. Let’s hear it. *grabs extendable ears*
Inuyasha: If, um ... what I mean to say is... would you have said yes if Hojo was normal?
Kagome: Why do you care, inuyasha? I’m your "tama detector."
Inuyasha: Well I ... what I mean to say is... I ... You’re more than a tama detector, I guess... I was just wondering, would you?
Kagome: i don't know inuyasha. . . would you say yes to me if _I_ were normal?! If I didn't live by continually hopping between your time and my own?!?! *realizes what she's saying, blushes, and turns away from Inu*
Kagome: *whisper* Would you say yes if Kikyou wasn't here. . .
Inuyasha: *blushes* But you are normal, I’m the one that’s a fucking freak. I could never hope to have a normal life. *hears Kagome's whisper* Kikyou... I don't love Kikyou if that’s what you mean... I mean not anymore... not that I did love her... Um, you know what I mean... I think. *thinking* Inuyasha no BAKA, BAKA!
Kagome: *turns back, wiping away tears* you're not a freak, inuyasha. . . *runs her fingers along one ears, smiling as it twitches* your parents loved you very much. . . they are each a part of you. You are so unique. . . stronger than regular humans, but you still have your heart. . . and you can do what you want with that heart, love who you wish to. . .
Inuyasha: *turns to her* You...you don't think I’m a freak?
Kagome: Of course not, Inuyasha. I just wish that I could help you see that for yourself.
Inuyasha: How? *touches her cheek*
Kagome: I already told you, you're special. I've never known anyone like you in my entire life. But it's kind of sad to realize that you're only listening to the people that don't know you, won't let themselves know you. Sesshoumaru, those people when you were younger, the villagers we come across; if you don't care about them, you shouldn't care for their opinions of you. The ones that matter are those whom you care for and who care for you back
Inuyasha: Kikyou thought I was... disgusting... She only wanted to.. be with me... if I turned human... *tear falls off his cheek*
Kagome: Oh, Inuyasha! *hugs him, burying face in his shirt* You're fine just the way you are! If she hasn’t seen that, she's certainly missing something! I love you the way you are! *freezes in Inu's embrace*
Inuyasha: Do... Do you really lo-ove me?
Kagome: *refuses to look at Inu, keeping face buried in his shirt, makes some sort of noise in the back of her throat*
Inuyasha: Cause I... I love you, Kagome... * hugs her tighter*
Kagome: *eyes fly open* I love you too, Inuyasha, I love you too. . . *hugs him tighter, if that's possible*
Kiki: Ahhh isn't that cute Besa?
Besa: Yeah. . . uh, let's get out of here before they notice us. . . *grabs Kiki and sneaks back to the station*
Kiki: So, another happy... Nooo, Hojo!!!!!
* all over the station there are TV’s showing Hojo and Kikyou making out*
Kiki: It burns…*twitches*
Besa: Ahhh. . . .no! Not again. . . somebody stop them. . .
Kiki: *goes to a switch in the wall turns off all power* Thank goodness! *turns on flash light*
Besa: Joy!
Kiki: Yes!
Besa: Hey, though, how long till we can get those cameras back?
*suddenly the station comes back to life, all males come back, too*
Kiki: Ooh, look, everybody is back!
Besa: Cool.
Kiki: Now what?
Besa: Uhh. . . PARTY!!!!
Kiki: Oooh, what about Sango and Miroku?
Besa: Let's invite them and get them drunk. I mean, Inu and Kag got it together, so Miroku and Sango need a shot at it too. *snicker*
Kiki: Yes. *sends out invitations*
Besa: Did you send one to Hojo, or Kikyou?
Kiki: No, was I supposed to?
Besa No, you weren't, THANK GOD!
Kiki: Yeah
Besa: I do NOT want to see those two glued to each other's necks all night!
Voices: Did like some one invite us to a party?
*Hojo and Kikyou appear behind them*
Besa: HOLY SHI--*pauses*--KON SHARDS!! How the HELL can you do that?!
Kikyou: Do, like, what?
Besa: APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE!
Kikyou: Well, like, I turned into, like, a prep. They have weird, like, powers you know. *giggles*
Besa: Ahhh! This is scarier than, like, before! *smacks self*
Kikyou: Well Hojo taught me, like, yeah!!!!
Hojo: So... when’s this party?
Besa: *presses little red button labeled ’PANIC’ on underside of desk* SECURITY!! Get these two out of here! And I don't care HOW!
*little clowns come in*
Little Clowns: WE’RE SECURITY!!
Kikyou, Hojo: RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!! *disappears with a little pop*
Besa: I still say that's creepy. . . *mutters unintelligible things under breath*
Kiki: Yes, very.
Besa: So, who did you invite, besides Miroku and Sango?
Kiki: Um . . . a bum, a hobo, and a king, a clown, a teacher, and an artist, another bum, an archeologist, and an alien, and a couple more. . .
Besa: So, is this Operation Get-Miroku-and-Sango-drunk-and-alone-to-admit-their-undying-devotion?
Kiki: Yes!!!
-End Episode 2-Symptoms, Confessions, and Major Disturbances-