InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The King's Mistress ❯ A Watery Interlude ( Chapter 6 )

Announcement:

 

Several people have asked for permission to draw the characters from my stories, and so I'd like to just make the general statement that I am perfectly okay with that. In fact, I'm extremely flattered that I've managed to inspire anyone to do anything! All I ask is that, if you can, send me what you draw since I am not talented when it comes to drawings. I'd love to see what you do with these characters, and that applies to any of my stories. Thanks so much!

 

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Title: The King's Mistress

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter Five: A Watery Interlude

 

Rating: PG-13 (for language and, at times, implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

 

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Naturally I had been surprised to find the King watching me as I played my violin that day, and in my undergarments no less, so early in the dance which would be our relationship for a long time. It wasn't that I was afraid of playing for others…far from it, actually. I had memories of a time, when I was young, of playing for the guests that would come to my home and be entertained by my parents in our modest dining hall. They would clap for me, call me an adorable child, and send me away. Kikyou, too, would smile at me, and be the first to stand up and applaud…frequently my only consistent standing ovation.

 

But then, that's just another painful memory of her that I'd rather not delve into at the moment.

 

My father taught me to play the violin, and the instrument became our secret connection. Whenever we wanted to spend time together, alone, he would pick up his own instrument and lead me into the library, where we would play together…and just talk. No one would disturb us, because no one else could play. But after he died, I felt like my desire to play died with him. Just looking at a violin brought back all the pain of losing him, and I swore I would never touch the instrument again. That was yet another phase Kikyou helped me through, and she was right…playing brought me closer to my father's spirit, and, to my relief, did not bring me pain, but rather great joy.

 

Still, I could not muster the will or desire to play for others, because I felt, as of yet, that the violin and I, our relationship, as well as my connection to my father, should remain private. And yet, that instrument would, again, prove to be a bridge between the barriers of two hearts, in the end…

 

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Kagome hated to admit it, but she liked living at the palace, amongst all the music, feasting, laughing, and, of course, gossip. She enjoyed walking through the gardens every day with Sango, Kouga, Hojo, and Miroku, who had quickly become her close circle of friends, talking about this and that, and generally giving her a feeling of acceptance and companionship she could never have in her old home in the country. She was never bored as there were always things to do; sewing alter cloths for the church, hunting, gossiping, feasting, and dancing.

 

And, best of all, contrary to what she had expected, she rarely had to see Kikyou, if at all, as it became clear when the sisters practically never ran into each other that the future Queen was as adamant in avoiding contact as Kagome. Thus, she was allowed to go about her new way of life happily, without worry.

 

There was only one thing that made Kagome less then happy, and that was the ever-present problem of the King, Inuyasha. She couldn't stand him; his rude, arrogant attitude and his manner of ordering people about as though they should be honored to serve him. The thought of having him as a brother-in-law was less than pleasant.

 

And yet, Kagome couldn't forget the way he had reacted when she accused him of being selfish and spoiled, and how, for an instant, she had realized she truly didn't know the man very well. She wasn't even close to understanding the intricacies that made up his mind and thought process, and that invigorated as well as frightened her, which was a dangerous combination when it involved the sparks between a man and a woman.

 

Of course she couldn't forget the other fact, which was that he'd seen her in next to nothing…she blushed at the thought. Only her future husband should see her in such a condition, and the fact that he'd unintentionally walked in on her playing the violin, practically naked…well…that would change anyone's relationship, though she hadn't decided yet if it changed for better or worse.

 

“What a beautiful day,” Sango sighed, and Kagome shook her head to clear her mind, smiling and glancing over at her friend. They were out on a large blanket spread before the great, manmade lake behind the palace, framed by mountains and trees. It truly was a picturesque moment, and if anyone doubted they were living in the home of a King, the view would set them straight.

 

“It is,” Kagome finally replied, stretching her arms over her head and enjoying the slight breeze that ran through her hair, which for once fell loosely about her shoulders.

 

“Anyone care for a swim?” A masculine voice inquired, though neither woman was surprised to see the owner was Miroku. They gave him a mutually hard stare, and he just smiled and looked away as though he had asked a perfectly plausible question.

 

“I wouldn't mind getting wet, I suppose,” Sango finally commented, “Except that then I'd have to walk all the way back to my room soaking wet.”

 

“Not to mention the fact that your dress would practically be ruined,” Kagome added, leaning somewhat closer to her friend.

 

“I'd carry you, Lady Sango,” Miroku offered, the picture of innocence, and she rolled her eyes.

 

“I'm sure you would.”

 

Kagome laughed and, at the sound of clanking wood and shouting voices, glanced over in the direction of the trees, where Kouga was showing Hojo how to perfect his swordsmanship. Sensing her eyes, the wolf-man looked over and waved with a smile.

 

“You're so lucky,” Sango sighed, her eyes dreamy, and Kagome gave her a quizzical look.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, you actually have a decent man you're going to marry.”

 

“I don't know if I'm going to marry him yet Sango,” Kagome reminded.

 

“Please, can you honestly think of a better match? He's handsome, kind, with excellent manners, and he's a king in his own right.”

 

“King of the North, but here he's just a Duke.”

 

Sango waved her hand to show that didn't matter. “Once a King, always a King, and then you would get to be a Queen, and I could call you `Your Highness'.” She raised her eyes dramatically and faked a gasp at the prospect.

 

Kagome made a face, and Sango laughed. “I would rather you never call me that.”

 

“You don't want to be a Queen, Lady Kagome?” Miroku had stretched himself out on his back, his face turned toward the sun as he spoke, his eyes closed and his whole being relaxed.

 

Kagome just shrugged. “Not really, it seems like an awfully heavy burden to have to carry, pleasing a whole country of people.”

 

“True,” Miroku nodded, “I don't think I've ever seen Inuyasha relax since he was named heir over a year ago, although it is also a fact that being the King is much harder than being the Queen.”

 

Hearing the King's name, Kagome felt her body tense slightly, her heart fluttering in that strange way as she pictured the man's hard stare, accented by amber eyes, recalling how he had watched her so intensely that day in her room. She shivered involuntarily. “Did he not want to be King?” She found herself asking before she could stop herself, wanting desperately to know more about him.

 

Miroku just shrugged. “I don't know. I'll admit though, he never really struck me as someone who would make a good ruler.”

 

“Why would you say that?” Sango asked, joining in on the conversation.

 

“I don't know, just a little too self-centered, I guess. A King should think first and foremost about his people and their welfare, and his own happiness second.”

 

Kagome nodded and glanced at the lake, squinting at the reflecting sunlight shining in her eyes. “But is he happy now?” For some reason she hoped the answer was yes, though she knew in her heart that was a false hope.

 

“Honestly, I don't think so, but then I don't really remember a time when Inuyasha ever acted happy.” Miroku shrugged again, his eyes still closed in a casual manner. “I think being part of a royal family just makes you different from everyone from the beginning, not to mention the fact that he's a hanyou, and that alone sets him apart from the rest of the court.”

 

“He's a hanyou?” Kagome knew that he was, but she was hoping to get more information out of the man dressed in purple and black, looking so comfortable as he blabbed away the life story of his friend. She was sure Inuyasha would just be thrilled if he heard about this little conversation of theirs.

 

“Yeah, his mother was his father's second wife, and a human. The public was not too happy about the marriage, to be perfectly honest, because they felt it tainted the royal bloodline. They were even more enraged when Inuyasha was named as heir.”

 

Kagome blinked stupidly for several seconds. “But they obey him now as though he were a god on earth.”

 

Miroku shrugged. “That's because they have to. Who would want to risk crossing a man who, in the blink of an eye, could have them beheaded for treason?”

 

“I see,” Kagome nodded and looked away, deep in thought. It wasn't until that moment that she realized just how dangerous living at court was, and blushed to think of all the treasonous things she'd said over the past month…and to the King's face, nonetheless! Yet, he allowed it, almost humored her like he would a small child. The thought wasn't comforting…

 

All three companions went silent for a time, just listening to the birds and the occasional grunt as Kouga hit Hojo a little too hard with his wooden practice sword. Finally Kagome got to her feet. “I think we should go for a swim,” she announced, and Sango groaned, leaning back on her hands.

 

“In your dress? Please, your mother will kill you if you ruin it.”

 

Kagome glanced down at her pastel yellow gown, fringed with white, everything about it seeming delicate. It was short sleeved, with a different cut than the rest of her wardrobe, and gave her body a softer look. It was true…the Marquess would fly into a rage if Kagome ruined the dress she had just received that Christmas.

 

Recalling the state she'd been in when Inuyasha had stumbled into her room, she decided to take a risk and throw modesty to the wind. After all, once a King has seen you in your undergarments, what harm would it be if your friends saw you as well? “I'll just have to take it off then.”

 

“Really?” Miroku leapt up, suddenly excited, and Kagome laughed.

 

“You wouldn't, Kagome!” Sango exclaimed, looking positively horrified at the very idea. “What scandal!”

 

“Oh come on, Sango, it won't be that bad. You and I have shared a room before during the holidays at my house, remember? You've helped me bathe. And as for the men, well,” She rolled her eyes and laughed, “In case you haven't heard, I've already broken all rules of modesty so I'm in no danger of hurting my reputation any more then it already is.”

 

“So…it's true then?” Sango blinked. “The rumors about you and the King.”

 

“Only to the point that he came across me in my undergarments. Nothing else happened,” Except for the fact that we had an argument and he turned momentarily into a monster, she added silently, but chose to leave that part out.

 

Miroku had a starry eyed look. “You're really going to take off your dress, Lady Kagome?”

 

She could have laughed for hours just thinking about his expression. “Don't get your hopes up, it's not like I'm taking everything off.”

 

“Oh,” he sagged slightly in disappointment, but quickly perked up again. “Well, in that case I'll go swimming too.”

 

The fact that he began to remove his shirt brought Kouga and Hojo back over to join the group, and Kagome smiled at the way Hojo blushed when she removed the dress, leaving her standing in her underwear, even though she was still covered from her ankles up to her shoulders, stepping away from her yellow gown, which now sat pooled on the ground. “Come on Sango,” she teased, “You know you want to. It's such a beautiful day!”

 

“I can't believe I'm doing this,” the woman replied, standing up and removing her own deep blue dress and releasing her hair from its high ponytail clasp so that it fell down past her waist in curls. She shook her finger at Kagome in warning. “And just so you know, I'm only agreeing to this because that dress happens to be new.”

 

Kagome shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

 

Miroku was the first into the water, and alerted everyone else to how cold it was by a loud shriek of surprise, followed by laughter. Kagome grinned and dove in after him, and soon the once quiet lake was disturbed by a very rambunctious water fight as the remaining two men removed their shirts and waded in as well.

 

Their shrieking must have been heard throughout the entire palace, because before long Lady Higurashi could be seen walking hastily in their direction, her lavender dress swaying in the wind. “Kagome Higurashi, just what do you think you are doing?”

 

Kagome stopped where she was, floating on her back, and realized the position she was in, with Kouga supporting her as he had been about to dunk her head under the water, her chest rising and falling erotically as she tried to catch her breath. She blushed and moved away, choosing instead to tread water on her own. “We decided to go for a swim, mama, is that not allowed?”

 

The Marqess was clearly trying not to smile as she replied, which caused Kagome to relax. “You've been seen by the King, and now you're swimming for all the world to see.” She chuckled. “Next time at least don't scream so loud that I think you're drowning, alright?”

 

Kagome smiled. “Yes, mama.”

 

The woman nodded, a sparkle in her eye, and turned to head back toward the palace just as several other curious courtiers came out onto the green lawn. Kagome groaned, realizing that their private afternoon was officially over.

 

“I guess you could call us trendsetters,” Sango commented as several other young people jumped into the water…though they weren't so brave as to remove their clothes first.

 

Kagome grinned and started wading back to shore, suddenly not in the mood to swim any more. It was only once she was out of the water that Kagome realized she had no way of drying herself off, and remembered the reason Sango had not wanted to go swimming in the first place. Next time, she told herself, remember a towel.

 

A shirt was suddenly thrust under her nose, and Kagome looked over to see Kouga smiling at her. “You can use this to dry off if you want.”

 

Kagome smiled back. “Thanks, but then you'll have to wander the halls without a shirt, which could be considered scandalous.”

 

The wolf-man laughed, his blue eyes dancing, and Kagome felt his happy mood spread in her direction. “I come from the North, my lady, where it is believed the people are barbarians. You, on the other hand,” he proceeded to start drying her hair playfully, and she did nothing to stop him, “Come from a noble family and have a reputation to keep up.”

 

Kagome giggled and pulled away after a few minutes of pretending to struggle, accepting his shirt and drying herself as best she could.

 

“Do you have to be so openly flirtatious with the women, Kouga?” A familiar gruff voice asked, and Kagome froze, turning around to see Inuyasha standing before her. She bowed slightly, but made no move to speak, afraid her voice would crack. A light blush also came to her face as she remembered she was still in just her underwear, clutching Kouga's shirt to her somewhat exposed bosom.

 

For his part, Inuyasha was clearly struggling with keeping a smirk from his face as he looked at her.

 

Kouga just shrugged. “This woman might be my wife some day, so I see nothing wrong with flirting.”

 

Kagome could have sworn she saw a look of pure envy pass through the King's eyes, but shook it off as a mistake. What would a King have to be jealous of? He was marrying her sister, after all…a prize any man would kill for.

 

Yet Inuyasha could barely contain his temper at the sight of Kouga drying off Kagome Higurashi while she laughed that beautiful, carefree laugh of hers. Why was Kouga so damn lucky? And better yet, the real reason he was so distraught, why the hell did he even care?

 

“Lady Kagome, I believe this is the second time I've seen you in, um…that…” He was smirking at her, and Kagome tensed.

 

“I wonder though,” She finally managed to reply, “Why it is exactly that you are always finding me dressed this way, Your Majesty?” She gave him her own self-assured smirk. “I mean, first my room, and now here? I would almost think you enjoy seeing me like this.”

 

Kouga burst out laughing at that, his eyes dancing, but Inuyasha just growled at the remark. “I doubt anyone would purposefully seek to see you in your undergarments, Miss Higurashi.”

 

Inuyasha regretted the words the instant they left his mouth, because he saw a shadow fall over Kagome's face, her cheeks suddenly aflame with a blush of shame. He could have kicked himself. Hell, now she'd never feel comfortable around him again!

 

Kagome, suddenly horrifically embarrassed and wishing she could strangle the insensitive man before her, quietly went and retrieved her dress, fumbling to pull it on over her damp undergarments and trying to make as little noise as possible while Inuyasha had gone suddenly quiet. The tension in the air between them could have been cut with a knife.

 

“I guess everyone has decided to go for a swim,” A haunting voice proclaimed, full of false gaiety, and Kagome glanced over to see her sister approaching, surrounded by several ladies of the court. Seeing Kagome, Kikyou halted and tried her best to smile. “Kagome, I'm sorry I haven't seen much of you lately, but I've been very busy with wedding plans.”

 

Kagome knew that was meant to make her jealous, but all it did was cause her some mild irritation as she shrugged her sleeves the rest of the way over her arms. “Don't worry about it, sister, I've been busy too.”

 

Kikyou raised an eyebrow. “I guess you're right, you certainly seem to enjoy flirting with everyone, even though you're already engaged.” She flicked her eyes meaningfully in Kouga's direction, and he straightened slightly out of habit.

 

“I don't flirt with everyone,” Kagome replied tersely, her afternoon completely ruined now that she had to be with her sister. She knew Kikyou was referring to Inuyasha, no doubt having heard the rumors regarding Kagome's run in with him in her bedchamber. “Frankly, I don't flirt at all. I just have friends.”

 

Inuyasha watched the exchange with a mixture of fascination and anger. He had never seen the two interact before, but he was also upset by the way Kikyou seemed to be purposefully trying to antagonize Kagome. What in the world could the woman hope to gain from such an exchange? She was set to be his Queen, and the most powerful woman in the country. What more could she want?

 

“Well, I can see that you certainly haven't lost your sense of poor manners and propriety since I last saw you,” Kikyou finally commented, and Kagome looked down to see her slightly damp dress clinging to her curvaceous form, her hair falling over her shoulders in wet tendrils.

 

Instinctively, she crossed her arms over her chest, thrusting Kouga his shirt, which he took slowly, still eyeing Kikyou warily. “It's a nice day, and no one said we couldn't go swimming,” she replied, trying to sound unaware of the underlying tone in her older sister's voice.

 

“Still, as I am to be Queen, your actions reflect upon me. Try not to embarrass yourself too much in the next few months. After that, once you're in the North, I don't care what you do.”

 

Kagome felt the familiar sting of sorrow at Kikyou's harsh words, wondering, for at least the hundredth time, what had changed the vibrant young woman she had looked up to for most of her young life.

 

A memory flared up in her mind, of Kikyou giving her hugs and gentle kisses on the forehead, promising to take care of her for all time. Kagome remembered the tears they had both shed the day she had left for court, and how Kikyou had promised to return as often as she could, and in the meantime write to her every day. She had kept that promise for the first two years, but then…something happened, and to that day Kagome didn't know what it was.

 

“Kikyou, what has happened to you?” Kagome whispered, only realizing after her sister turned around and gave her a hard stare that she had spoken aloud.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Kagome looked away, partly out of shame and partly because now she didn't know what to say. Finally she took a deep swallow and looked her sister in the eyes. “I don't know what has changed you, but I do know that the sister I loved as a child would not have said that to me, and would not have been so eager to send me away to the North so that we would never see each other again.”

 

Kikyou seemed to be unaffected by her words, but Kagome thought she saw a momentary flicker of pain in the older woman's eyes. Good, she thought in triumph.

 

“That stupid, ignorant girl is gone,” Kikyou whispered, almost more to herself then anyone else, glancing up one last time to meet Kagome's eyes. “You would do well to remember that from now on, little sister.” And with that she turned around, her ladies following her obediently, leaving Kagome to stare after her in wonder and sadness.

 

A soft sound caught her attention, and she realized she was still in the presence of both Kouga and Inuyasha, who were currently staring at her in surprise and curiosity. Kagome ducked her head, trying her best to avoid meeting either of their probing gazes.

 

“Well,” she finally announced cheerfully, “I think I'm in the mood for a ride. Would you, Lord Kouga, or you, Your Majesty, care to join me?”

 

Both men continued to stare at her for several seconds, but Kouga was the first to break out of his silence and smile, putting his arm around her. “I would be glad to, Lady Kagome.”

 

“Just call me Kagome,” she reminded him gently, a smile on her face as she tried to pull out of his strong grip. She wasn't his, at least not yet, and he needed to understand that.

 

Inuyasha grunted and put the usual frown back on his face. “That reminds me, I told you to call me Inuyasha, not Your Majesty. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

 

“Call me my name, and I'll call you yours,” Kagome reminded him simply, to which Kouga laughed.

 

“That's my woman, already knowing how to tell off the King.”

 

“What did you say, wolf breath?” Inuyasha felt his temper rise, not so much at the insult, but because Kouga had called Kagome `his woman'. And he didn't like the arm he had around her either.

 

“Your woman?” Kagome turned and stared at Kouga for several seconds, but he didn't seem to get her silent message.

 

“Yeah, we're engaged, aren't we?”

 

Kagome shrugged her shoulders in exasperation. “Why do I even bother? You men are hopeless.” She started walking off in the opposite direction, but both men jumped to her side before she could get very far.

 

“Wait, I thought you wanted to go riding,” Inuyasha reminded.

 

“I do, but I think now I want to go alone, thank you very much.”

 

Inuyasha growled. “I won't have a woman all by herself in this country, something could happen.”

 

“And you know as well as I do that I can defend myself with my arrows.”

 

“Not against a band of raiders or thieves! They wouldn't think twice about attacking a lady.”

 

“Then if I'm captured, I won't hold you responsible,” She replied, moving away and continuing to walk in the direction of the royal stables. She felt a hand on her arm, and then a strong pull as the King whirled her around to face him. The action only enraged her. “Take your hands off me,” she commanded heatedly.”

 

“Not until you promise to have some protection.”

 

“Why do you care?”

 

“Because…” Inuyasha couldn't help the fact that he always wanted to make sure women were safe. It was a habit his mother had instilled in him a long time ago. “Because it's my duty as your King to ensure that you are safe.”

 

Kagome felt her temper fade slightly, but only enough that she was willing to heed his request. He wanted to be the one who went with her, she could tell, but she wasn't about to let him. “Very well,” she replied, and saw him visibly relax and move to escort her to the stables, but she stopped him with her hand. “I'll go with Lord Kouga.”

 

“What?” His eyes flared again, and she gazed at him in triumph.

 

“He is my fiancé, Your Grace…”

 

“Inuyasha,” he interrupted, and she took a deep breath to control her temper.

 

“He is my fiancé, Inuyasha, whether you like it or not. If you have problems with that, though I can't understand why you would, then take it up with your own fiancée,” she practically hissed the word, so laced as it was with venom. “In the meantime, I should like the opportunity to get to know the man I am to marry better, if you don't mind.”

 

Kouga, having heard everything, appeared at her side almost magically, a triumphant smile on his face, and Inuyasha sighed, looking away. He didn't like Kagome Higurashi so much as he hated the fact that Kouga was going to marry her, while he was stuck with a queen of ice and stone.

 

They were rivals, he realized with exasperation, even in marriage thanks to the fact that they were marrying sisters.

 

“As you wish,” he ground out, glaring at Kouga, who just ignored the daggers being sent his direction.

 

Kagome was slightly surprised that Inuyasha didn't put up more of a fight, but at the same time realized that he looked very tired. Not physically, but mentally, and she remembered what Miroku had said about the burdens of being part of a royal family. Perhaps she should be more considerate when dealing with him in the future, she thought as Kouga put a hand on her elbow and steered her in the direction of the stables, the King walking back toward the lake as Kikyou signaled for him to join her and her friends.

 

“What a strange man, er, hanyou,” she commented later as Kouga hoisted her into her side-saddle, her skirts hanging over her legs elegantly, having dried enough that they no longer stuck to her legs.

 

“Indeed,” Kouga grunted in reply as he mounted his own horse, and together they headed off down one of the many trails surrounding the palace. “There is a field up ahead, where we can let the horses run freely,” he commented, and Kagome nodded.

 

“That would be nice.” She glanced at him then, at his handsome, sharp profile, his stunning blue eyes, his well-shaped mouth, and his jet-black hair, always pulled back into a ponytail, his bangs swept away from his face by a headband that matched his white shirt. He had not worn an overcoat that day, due to the heat, and in his white undershirt and black pants, he looked very handsome.

 

“Is that, um, how you dress in the North?” She asked after a while, wanting to learn more about the place that might be her home one day. After all, Sango was right, marrying Kouga wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, as she had once believed. Perhaps her mother had been right too in saying that not all arranged marriages were bad.

 

He glanced down at his clothes and nodded. “Yes, but we don't wear the overcoats that a lot of the men seem to like wearing here. And the women don't usually wear shifts under their gowns.”

 

“Really?” Kagome liked that idea. She always felt so stifled in all the clothes she had to wear in order to be a `proper' lady.

 

He laughed at her clear happiness at hearing that piece of information. “Yes, Kagome, I think you will like the North. It's a lot cooler there in the winter, and the summers are never as hot as here. Just…comfortable.”

 

“I see,” she smiled, noticing the love in Kouga's voice as he spoke of his homeland. “It must be hard for you, being away from it so much.”

 

He nodded. “Yes, I miss the land very much, and my people even more. The wolf tribes are much more accepting of those who are different then the people here, or anywhere else, I think, because I've been to all the other, smaller kingdoms at one time or another.”

 

“What is it like, where you come from, besides cooler?”

 

“There are mountains, Kagome, like you wouldn't believe. The trees are a deep green, thanks to the rich soil, and the streams are clear and beautiful and full of fresh water. The stones along the shorelines are as smooth as satin, and there is nothing quite like sitting on a large boulder in the middle of a river and skipping stones while the birds chirp and the wind, which carries the smell of the mountains, blows through your hair.”

 

Kagome found herself enraptured by what he had to say, and before she knew what she was doing, reached over and took his hand in hers for an instant, squeezing it tenderly before returning to holding the reins with both hands. He smiled back as she blushed. “It, um, sounds like a beautiful home, Kouga,” She finally commented.

 

“Yes, the only thing it needs now is a Queen.”

 

Kagome blushed again. Perhaps, by the time her sister was married to Inuyasha, she would have fallen in love with Kouga, and would be just as happy as if the marriage had not been arranged in the first place. Perhaps, in the end, she would owe Kikyou a favor, and yet…

 

The only thing that put a damper on Kagome's happiness was the thought of how far away she would be, and how she would only come to visit her mother and brother twice a year, on holidays. And that thought in of itself was enough to sour her feelings for Kouga enough that she still questioned whether or not love would be enough to make that particular marriage survive, in the end.