InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Uke ❯ Regret ( Chapter 22 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Disclaimer: The characters of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
A/N - Thank you for the reviews and all! I'll try to get the future chapters up as quickly as I can. And sorry for the angst coming out the ears here. Really - I'm aiming for happy at the end. Promise.
WARNING- This chapter MAY contain: angst, fluff, foul language, Male/Male, anal sex, oral sex, non-consensual sexual acts, spanking, incest, or violence.
Chapter 22 - Regret
Sesshoumaru reached the ningen in seconds, surprising them a few meters past the shade of the trees. He grabbed the miko without bothering to speak and tossed her over his shoulder.
“Hey, what the hell are you—“
Kouga shut up.
“Inuyasha needs you! Follow!” Sesshoumaru couldn't keep the snarl from his face as he turned, sprinting back towards Inuyasha.
Every moment felt elongated, an eternity where he could imagine Naraku already pounding into his mate. The only thing that kept him sane was that he could still feel Inuyasha's body: he hadn't been raped, yet. But he was close to it. Sesshoumaru reached the shield enclosing Inuyasha and put the bitch on her feet, pointing her towards it. “Disperse the barrier, miko.” His hand clenched into a tight fist as he saw Naraku preparing himself to take Inuyasha.
The miko stood there, staring at Sesshoumaru, and then gasping as she heard Inuyasha and finally focused on him within the half bubble.
“Get the fuck away from me, you sicko! Back off!” Naraku smiled and pushed Inuyasha's legs a little higher. “I'll fucking kill you for this, you shit eating mutant! Fucking get the hell away from me!” Inuyasha's head was thrashing back and forth as he tried to escape, his body frantic and despairing inside Sesshoumaru's head.
“Oh my god, Inuyasha…” Kagome gaped in horror at the sight of Inuyasha growling and helpless underneath a nude Naraku, watching Naraku press himself against Inuyasha intimately as he let the hanyou feel his erection without penetrating him. Inuyasha's panic setting off Sesshoumaru's own rage and fear, Sesshoumaru snarled furiously. He grabbed the miko's arm, shaking her.
“Inuyasha will be taken if you do not hurry! Disperse the barrier! Now, miko, or it will be too late!”
Her eyes focusing on the barrier with a start, the bitch finally took her bow from her back and drew an arrow. “I-I don't know if I can…”
“TRY!” Naraku looked over at them and paused, holding Inuyasha's legs pushed up and back. He smirked and Sesshoumaru grew cold. Naraku didn't think they could break through or he'd be much less relaxed.
Kagome released, the slim arrow glowing pink almost immediately as it sped toward the barrier. It entered the glowing bubble and hovered as though stuck, the barrier rippling slightly. Then the arrow dissolved.
But the barrier didn't.
“No,” Sesshoumaru whispered. She had to be able to get him through. Naraku turned from them and moved Inuyasha slightly, posing him obscenely. He pushed Inuyasha's legs even further apart, open and vulnerable to the bastard so that Sesshoumaru could see Naraku's erection close to his mate's body. “NO! Again, miko! Try again!” She had to be able to do this! He still hated her, but…she was powerful, for a ningen. And Inuyasha needed her…
“I don't think…”
“You would give up?! After everything he's done for you?!!”
“No! That's not it! I just…”
“Then fire again!”
“Wait!” The monk came leaping off of the fire neko's back as he finally arrived and ran forward. “Wait, I can help!”
“Then cease babbling and do so!” Sesshoumaru snarled. The slayer leapt off as well to stop near the miko moments after the wolf prince stood on her other side. The houshi ran at the barrier as Naraku paused at the sight of them all. He didn't look worried, but he wasn't ignoring them, and Sesshoumaru was desperately grateful for anything that kept Inuyasha safe for a moment longer.
“Naraku's mine!” Kouga snarled at Sesshoumaru as he saw Naraku.
Sesshoumaru stared at Inuyasha, his mate's horror ricocheting through Sesshoumaru's mind, and he thought of Inuyasha's shame and humiliation if he were left there, nude and trapped, as everyone chased after their enemy. “I only care about Inuyasha.”
“Well, uh… good.” Kouga stuttered, unnerved by Sesshoumaru's unexpected lack of resistance.
The monk finally reached the barrier. “Fire right here, Kagome! Where I place the sutra!” The monk slapped three ofuda at once against the barrier and the miko fired as soon as they touched. Her arrow, glowing more fiercely this time, slammed into the spot that was crackling with energy from the sutras, and the monk slammed his staff into the weak spot almost simultaneously. The barrier shimmered and hissed fiercely, colors fighting each other across its surface until it the entire thing broke apart, dissipating like neon mist.
Before the barrier was entirely gone, Naraku was already on his feet and moving, Inuyasha's legs falling to the ground with a thud as he released them. Kouga and Sesshoumaru charged at the same time, Kouga leaping at Naraku as he danced backward. Sesshoumaru sprinted to get between his mate and the retreating mutant, guarding him until Kouga had pursued Naraku further into the woods. When he could no longer see them, he turned back.
He stared at Inuyasha's body, splayed on the ground like a broken porcelain doll, and tried to convince himself that his mate was safe. Naraku hadn't taken him.
But he'd hurt him.
Looking at Inuyasha's furious, unseeing eyes that contrasted so sharply to the pain and fear he sensed in his body, Sesshoumaru dropped to his knees next to him. It clawed at his heart, seeing Inuyasha like this. The bastard had hurt him. There were few bruises, and faint claw marks already fading, but Sesshoumaru knew those weren't what had injured Inuyasha. Naraku had always excelled at inflicting mental anguish, and Inuyasha… Sesshoumaru reached down to straighten his flaccid limbs a moment while Inuyasha growled at him. Naraku had reached down into Inuyasha's soul and crushed a part of it that Sesshoumaru wasn't sure he was able to fix.
Words echoed in his head, `If you don't change your behavior, soon, everything that makes him who he is will be gone.' He'd been warned. That future self had warned him to pay attention, to value the young, vibrant, energetic, irreverent, fragile mate that he'd possessed. And he hadn't. He'd desired him, and he'd just started to enjoy his mouthy responses and rather adorable reactions.
But he'd given him absolutely nothing in return. He'd treated him worse than he treated that miserable toad Jaken, and the things he felt inside for Inuyasha were a thousand times deeper than the mild affection he had for his retainer.
What had he done?
Pain welling up in his chest and head, Sesshoumaru reached for Inuyasha, hissing as the sutra laying on his mate's neck repelled his efforts to peel it away. Up close, he could see two polluted shards piercing through the paper, tainting it. He pulled at it furiously, stopping just short of digging his claws into Inuyasha's flesh to carve it off, but the revolting thing stayed on Inuyasha's skin like a leech.
“Miko! We need you!” he bellowed as Inuyasha looked up at him, still snarling. Sesshoumaru looked past the angry response and died a little more as he took stock of his mate's true state. Inuyasha's breathing was erratic, his eyes shocked and confused as Sesshoumaru's words brought him into focus for Inuyasha for the first time. The hanyou was so frightened…
“Wha- Where did you- What the fuck is going on?!“ Registering his presence, Inuyasha stared, and then turned his head around frantically, searching for Naraku in vain. The miko was the only one left in the clearing, standing unseen above his head as she approached.
Inuyasha looked back up at Sesshoumaru. His voice was rough and angry, the inside of his head tight with fear. “You can't fool me! You can't fool me again, Naraku. Get the fuck away from me!”
Sesshoumaru reached out his hand to stroke Inuyasha's hair and his brother yanked his head away, growling. “Don't touch me, you fucker!”
“I am not Naraku.” Sesshoumaru said quietly,
“Fuck you! You think I'll f-fall for it again?!”
“Use your senses, Inuyasha. You're safe now, it's me.”
“Get the hell away from me!”
“Inuyasha…” Sesshoumaru trailed off, his stomach clenching as Inuyasha refused to calm until he suddenly registered the miko's presence at his side.
“Kagome?” Inuyasha looked at her in shocked relief. Sesshoumaru could feel something hard and brittle inside his mate dissolve, the puppy's body softening as terror eased from his mind. And then Sesshoumaru felt the small tremors start in the tips of Inuyasha's ears as his body tried to deal with the aftermath.
“It's all right now, Inuyasha.” The miko stroked Inuyasha's trembling ears lightly as he stared at her and Sesshoumaru fought the urge to cut off her hand. “Naraku isn't here any more.” She placed her palm over the papers around his neck, purifying the two shards before she pulled off the polluted ofuda and crumpled it angrily in her hand.
“Sesshoumaru?” Inuyasha turned slowly and looked up at him with wary eyes. He took his first unpanicked breath, sniffing carefully. Sesshoumaru felt Inuyasha relax even more and he assumed his mate was now able to process Sesshoumaru's scent.
“He found you first and came to get us.” Kagome said softly, looking away from Inuyasha with pink cheeks, suddenly aware of his nudity.
“Found me…but you all just…showed up out of nowhere.” Inuyasha stuttered weakly, pushing himself up on arms that were starting to shake in reaction.
Sesshoumaru stripped off his haori, draping it over his mate's startled shoulders.
“We've been trying to get to you.” Sesshoumaru tried to keep his voice smooth and calm, watching for Inuyasha's reaction. He couldn't help replaying the sound of his own voice in his mind as it had spewed filth. How could Inuyasha be able to stand hearing his voice at all? “There was a barrier…but the monk and your miko were able to defeat it.” Sesshoumaru said the bitter words without biting his tongue, but only barely. The ningen had done what he couldn't. He couldn't even save his own mate, but the ningen he'd always viewed as completely pathetic and useless had done so.
Although they'd allowed him to be captured in the first place as well, and that would NOT be forgotten.
“A barrier? There was…” Inuyasha paled, looking at Kagome's averted face. His breathing sped up and his eyes grew dark. “C-could you… could you see? What Naraku… What was happening inside the barrier, could you see??” His ears lowered until they were flat on his head as Kagome nodded uncomfortably. Sesshoumaru wanted to knock her cold. Why had she said that?! Inuyasha didn't need to know that right now! It hurt him to know that his near rape had been witnessed! Stupid bitch! Sesshoumaru could feel stronger tremors than before starting inside Inuyasha's body and he fought for calm.
“Inuyasha. You're safe now. No one will hurt you.” Sesshoumaru's soft voice washed over his mate with no noticeable affect. “Naraku will never- “
“You could all see…” Inuyasha whispered, shuddering as he pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, the haori flopping awkwardly over him. He stared blankly.
“Sesshoumaru was the one who found you first,” Kagome said quietly. “The rest of us only just got here. We-we hardly saw a thing, Inuyasha.”
“Sesshoumaru saw.” Inuyasha said, looking at Sesshoumaru with bruised, pain-filled eyes before staring blankly at the ground again. He hunched his shoulders as his body started to shake.
“Inuyasha, I saw nothing of consequence. Be at ease. It's over now.” Sesshoumaru spoke as softly as he could, reaching out with a careful hand. Inuyasha shied back violently as Sesshoumaru touched his knee and the daiyoukai let his hand dropped back to his side.
He could feel Inuyasha's reaction to that one touch, unpleasant and immediate. He was shuddering again, just from one touch from Sesshoumaru. The daiyoukai took a steadying breath. His presence was only making things worse. The miko might be tactless but Sesshoumaru? Inuyasha was scared of him. He was utterly terrified, and likely repelled as well. Sesshoumaru could feel it. It was even worse than when Sesshoumaru had first marked him.
And it was all that bastard Naraku's fault.
And yours, his mind whispered.
His chest throbbed and ached as he looked at Inuyasha curled protectively around himself. How could Sesshoumaru have let this happen? He should have taken him with him. He should never have left him alone here, no matter how frightened Inuyasha had been.
He should never have been such a righteous bastard that Inuyasha was that frightened of him in the first place. Because it was obvious that this fear and disgust that had Inuyasha huddling in the grass had less to do with intimacy, and more to do with his mate. He was cringing away from a mere touch of Sesshoumaru's hand. Naraku may have hurt and terrorized him, but Sesshoumaru was the one who had first made him afraid, and he wished he could go back and change that so much that it felt like needles piercing his insides. Inuyasha was in so much pain it made him want to howl.
Gods, was it too late? Had Naraku broken Inuyasha? Had he finally extinguished the very things that made Inuyasha such a bright spark within Sesshoumaru's mind?
He cleared his throat, barely able to breathe. It was because of him that Inuyasha was this damaged. It was all his fault. Everything, all the petty, angry, self-important, selfish things he'd done to hurt his mate, had led to this moment. His own mate was suffering, and he was so upset by Sesshoumaru's mere presence that the boy actually ached with it.
“I need to go,” Sesshoumaru said, watching Inuyasha flinch at the sound of his voice, and he ruthlessly quashed any desire to stay. He had to leave. Inuyasha needed a moment without having to feel this awful pain. He would be better once Sesshoumaru had left and Inuyasha had some time alone with…Kagome.
Even if Sesshoumaru fucking hated her.
Sesshoumaru grieved, snarling inside at the thought of them alone, but Inuyasha seemed so broken. How could he stay when he was so obviously a torment to his own mate? And when there was at least one thing that he could do that would go the smallest bit towards balancing the scales? He looked at Inuyasha's shivering body and the miko's averted face. “I will return once Naraku is dead. Miko…”
She looked up at him and he swallowed. Inuyasha was afraid, and in pain, and SHE was the one who would grow closer to him because of it. She was the one Inuyasha would allow to comfort him. Inuyasha needed that, the comfort and the closeness, and Sesshoumaru was grateful. He was sincerely, deeply grateful that Inuyasha had at least someone who could comfort him right now.
But he still hated her.
“…watch over him until I return.” She nodded, her eyes already refocusing on Inuyasha now that he was clothed, and Sesshoumaru turned abruptly and left.
Inuyasha stared at his toes, rocking slightly. They were very clean. It didn't make sense. How come his toes were so clean? He felt dirty. His entire body felt so covered in filth he could barely stand to think of it.
So why were his damn toes so clean?
“Inuyasha? Uh, do you want a hug?” Kagome tentatively reached her arm around his shoulder and he scooted away from her.
“I'm fine,” he said. As long as she didn't touch him, as long as he kept moving. He rocked a little more, holding his knees tightly. He desperately didn't want anyone to touch him; he'd get them as dirty as he was. He was terrified that they'd all be as disgusting and dirty as he was. He didn't want anyone to feel this filthy, not even Sesshoumaru. It was revolting…
He rocked back and forth in small bobs. He should keep rocking. As long as he didn't stop rocking, he'd be fine. He couldn't shake apart into pieces if he could keep rocking. It was keeping him from falling apart. So…he would just rock, for a little while.
“Um, why don't we go back to Kaede's. She could make us some tea…” Nervous, uncertain hands patted his shoulder and he shrugged them away again. Kagome was trying to be comforting, but her hands and her body and even her scent were worried and nervous, and he just couldn't think of anything to do to try and make her feel better. He couldn't think of what to do. He was supposed to protect her, wasn't he? Except he hadn't even been able to protect himself…
Naraku was right, he was useless.
He pulled his head in towards his shoulders, ducking down until his face was hidden in his knees. Maybe if he didn't talk to her, she'd go away. He wanted everyone to go away. She'd be better off without him, anyway.
Gods, everyone had been able to see him when Naraku was... He shuddered, clamping his lips together to stop himself from moaning. Sesshoumaru had seen him like that, too. And Kagome said he was there first.
So when had he gotten there? How much had he heard?
What had he seen?
His stomach rebelled and Inuyasha reared up and leaned to the side, vomiting violently. His eyes watered and he rubbed them as he pretended to wipe his mouth clean.
“Inuyasha, are you okay? Inuyasha?” Kagome was rubbing his back and he snarled at her.
“Don't touch me, Kagome. Just…just don't.”
She sat back, giving him the space he'd hoped for, and he could see her eyes looking hurt. It made him feel even worse. She was trying to help, he knew she was, he just… He slipped his arms into Sesshoumaru's sleeves, wrapping the large top around his knees and hugging them to his chest again. He pressed his face to his knees, inhaling Sesshoumaru's scent from the cloth and felt his eyes grow moist again as he kept them covered.
He wanted--something. His head hurt, his stomach felt empty and sliced raw, and his chest pulsed with sharp, persistent pain that ate at his control. He just wanted something to make everything, all the pain and fear and despair, go away. He hated feeling like this.
Gods, what would it be like not to hurt for once? Did he even remember what that was like anymore?
He shivered, trying to ignore the rage and agony and hate increasing in Sesshoumaru's head. He must have found Naraku. Sesshoumaru really DID hate that bastard. Fucking bastard. Slimy fucking rapist…
Inuyasha let a few tears soak into the haori, shuddering as he tried to breathe without sobbing. It was over. Naraku wasn't touching him anymore. It was over. Nothing happened, you stupid hanyou; you didn't even get raped. It's over and done, you stupid, dumb weakling. Idiotic, clueless bastard who couldn't even tell it was Naraku the whole damn time. Stupid, useless uke…
He continued to rock with his face down and Kagome wrung her hands, watching him rather helplessly.
“It- It'll be okay, Inuyasha. It's going to be okay now. You'll be feeling fine, a-and back to your old self in no time.”
I hate my old self, he thought.
He knew she was probably smiling at him with that comforting, mothering look she always wore when someone was hurt. “You'll see. I bet you and Kouga will be fighting just like normal before you know it.”
Yeah, he would. Fighting, like always. Always, always ALWAYS fighting.
She tried to rub his back again a moment and he shrugged her off more violently. “Inuyasha, I'm just trying to help!”
I don't care.
“Please, can't you come with me to the village? You can rest there, or have something to eat… I still have ramen. You'll feel better, I promise.”
I wish she would just leave me alone.