InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Womanly Problems ❯ My dream! ( Chapter 5 )

^^ Thanks for the reviews. This chapter is for XZanayu.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: I have changed the elemental names Azimaru and Tejjia to Hi and Mizu. Which I believe mean fire and water.

*

Inu Yasha sat close to the fire watching IT intently. IT had always been something of a mystery to him. Oh Kagome had explained how IT worked, but he'd never really seen IT work. In the mornings, when Kagome and Sango were preparing their morning meals, Kagome would set IT up. IT would toast bread and when IT was done doing so IT would make a soft 'ping' and bread would pop up, the once white bread would then become a delicious looking golden colour - kinda like magic. Yet he had never seen the bread magically pop up. Only heard the 'ping' , of course he'd seen and tasted the toasted bread. However he had never seen it pop up, he'd watch the toaster as Kagome called IT but whenever the bread did pop up someone always obstructed his view and all he'd hear was the 'ping'.

But this time! This time things would be different! He'd see the toaster pop up with ready toasted bread. THIS time he'd witness the popping up of the bread and this time he wouldn't have to just hear the 'ping' alone. And do you know why? Because he was toasting the bread AT NOON! Clever eh? Now he'd be able to watch the damned portable toaster WITHOUT the obstructions! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Inu Yasha chuckled insanely observing IT resolutely. "Soon . . . . . Soon. . . . ." He muttered. The hanyou continued watching IT not blinking, Naraku or Sesshomaru could come by for all he cared and he still wouldn't've moved.

Shippo looked over at the dog demon concernedly and shook his head sadly. The kit blamed the halfling's behaviour on the toaster (five percent of it any way, the rest he blamed on his parents for not spanking him enough). He looked down depressed as he patted Kirara's head. What dismal disheartening future the future would be like. He could just see it now. Imagine, staring at a toaster until the bread popped up just for entertainment.

Sango flopped down on the grassless ground with a sigh; she turned to see Inu Yasha staring at the toaster then rolled her eyes. "What is it with you and that toaster?" She asked in exasperation.

"Shut up." He growled staring unblinkingly at the bloody device.

Sango shook her head sadly.

All of the sudden Kagome came running out of the brush and ran straight toward her yellow bag. She rummaged through it hastily and withdrew something encased in plastic, she ran over to Sango grabbed her by the arm and pulled her toward the same place she had come by inadvertently knocking a certain hanyou over. Then they disappeared into the thick foliage of the woodlands.

'PING'

Inu Yasha closed his eyes and just laid down there, face up, taking deep breaths. It was okay. He'd try it again tonight. He could wait. He won't go over to Shippo and abuse him. He was going to be patient. Yes siree Bob. He wasn't going to hurt poor little innocent Shipoo despite the fact that he looked so abuseable and hurtable and bonkable and punchable and kickable and bruiseable and biteable and bashable and stompable and Iron-reaver-soul-stealerable and Kaze no Kizuable. Nope. He wasn't going to hurt him . . . . .

Yeah and Sesshomaru is really a woman!! Pah!

Shippo shook his head as he stared at the halfling. Then without a word walked over to the toaster took out the bread and went over to Kagome's bag in search of cheese.

*

The figure hopped over the many large obstacles in up ahead with determination. Oh his master would just LOVE the information that he had. He smirked, his master would like his information so much that he wouldn't even think of torturing him this time! He thought with glee. Then he frowned. But then again one never knew around his master. His master never indicated when he'd strike - sometimes he would.

He shuddered once more. He'd have REALLY good information this time! Regarding a couple of big nuisances that were forever pestering him - and was a pain in the ass too. His master would be so pleased!

*

"Ka. Go. Me!!" Sango choked out as her priestess friend tugged her deeper into the woods. When the taijiya didn't get a response she tugged her friend back and they both fell to the ground.

"Sango! What was that for?!" Kagome cried sitting up.

Sango sighed, she sat down and crossed her arms, "I'm not leaving till you tell my exactly WHY you dragged me all the way here!"

"It's . . . . . Miroku . . . . ." She said uncertainly.

"So? What about him?"

The miko leaned in close and whispered something into her friend's ear. Sango's eyes widened as she stared at the young untrained miko mouth agape.

"Do you NOW see what's so urgent?!"

Sango nodded gravely. "Yes. I do. But . . . . . do you think we should . . . ?"

Kagome bit her lip and thought hard, "I don't honestly know. He IS a man, well . . . . . sorta is . . ." Silence rang for an everlasting eternity as they carefully thought about what to do with the Miroku situation.

Somewhere a big fat worm munched on a decomposing corpse beneath a tree where stands of thin sun light shone through brightly. Yup after he was done at work he'd go home to his worm wife and worm children and tuck the children in then make more worm babies with his worm wife - but it died. A sparrow swooped down and flew up to the highest branch of the tree, with worm in beak, where the sun danced freely then gobbled it up with a cheerful chirp. However it chirped so loudly that a hawk came down and ate it. The hawk was so happy that he perched on a low branch where a hard rock, shot from a slingshot, broke his brain therefore killing him. The hawk fell down where two reincarnated very young human boys, Hiten and Maten, picked it up for their dinner, but on their way they dropped it in a river. The river carried the dead carrion all the way to a far riverbank where a red fox picked it up to for her pups but on her way she accidentally dropped it over a high cliff. The dead carrion fell down to the base of a tree where a worm husband started munching it . . . . .

Thus one cycle of life was completed before Sango and Kagome came to a decision.

Sango sighed, "We have to do it. Or else . . . "

"You weren't supposed to agree." Kagome muttered crossing her arms, "You were supposed to say, 'Oh hell with Miroku! He/she can do it himself!' Or something similar."

The taijiya gave her friend a deadpan look then stood up and pulled her Kagome to her feet. She dusted her long green skirt, "You go and explain to him about . . . . . the situation and I'll go back to the camp and grab the things. We'll meet at that hot spring Inu Yasha pointed out earlier." Sango turned and trudged towards the camp, she sighed wearily as if she carried the weight of the world.

*

Author doesn't think that referring to Miroku as a 'her' is as good as referring to him as a 'him'. Therefore Miroku is from now on a 'he'. Don't argue with author for author gets pissy if people argue with her. If you don't like the change read some other fic. If you do chose to continue reading despite the pronoun change then author will give you internet Inu Yasha shaped butter cookies and crying mushrooms for your dedication. ^_^ Oh and a glass of soda that tastes exactly like coke but isn't coke.

Thank you . . . . . if you're stilling reading this fic.

*

A bird twittered its morning song on a bare tree branch high above a certain monk's head. Yet the monk noticed not the simple beauty of the twittering of the tiny-feathered creature. No. Since the monk was to be busy being unmonkly-like for he was thinking of touching himself.

. . . . . Yes. The monk IS contemplating caressing his posterior. However it's not as bad as it sounds. No. He is not gay - though he is annoyingly cheerful at times - rather he is different from other monks . . . .

Miroku looked at his butt, then at his bust. His hand twitched insanely. Here he was in a female's body, all to his little old self. All he had to do was reach down to be able to pat his butt, no problems right?

Wrong.

After the little escapade between the inu brothers he didn't honestly FEEL like groping himself - even if he was in a female's body. A NICE female's body. With a gorgeous figure, a big bust, and a cute butt . . . .

Okay. Maybe he really did want to. . .

Just a tiny bit . . .

His butt looked absolutely irresistible . . . . .

Then a thought popped up into his head.

What if the elementals made the curse go a little deeper? What if they made it so that EVERY male-male wanted to fondle him? Meaning that they made it so that he wanted to grope himself? He was a male-male - sorta - not really though because he was now a male-female. Then again could be just his imagination his hand did really have a mind of its own when it came to females . . . . . and their butts . . . . .

Rub. Rub.

Miroku looked around startled when he felt someone's hand on his rear. He looked around wildly in search of the perpetrator of such a heinous crime! The person should be punished! Sentenced to a life as a cow! He should - Oh wait. It was just his hand. How embarrassing.

Rub. Rub.

The monk sighed; he stared at his hand currently caressing his rear end. His hand really was cursed, and here he thought he was just making up excuses. Oh well the girls didn't need to know that piece of information.

Rub. Rub.

"Miroku!"

The said monk slapped his hand and dragged to his side trying to look normal. Well as normal as you could when you're turned into the opposite gender of what you were before.

Kagome burst out of the brush with a nervous smile gracing her lips. "Hey Miroku! Um . . . are you still bleeding?" She asked uncertainly.

Miroku gave her a deadpan look before walking towards her. He stopped in front of the miko then jerked his thumb back to the space he had previously occupied, and to the small pool of blood.

"Heh heh. Well I take it that you still are." Kagome cleared her throat suddenly. She took out two small rod-like things wrapped in plastic and presented them to the monk. "Um . . . let me explain . . . . . "

~

Miroku squirmed/walked as he and Kagome made their way back to the camp. Jeez . . . these 'tampons' were a bloody bitch! It felt just so uncomfortable . . . so . . . weird . . . the thing was just . . . there . . . up your vagina just there . . . soaking up all the blood dripping - how the hell do the women of the future survive!?

"Miroku."

The monk shook his head clearing his head of all pondering of womanly things. He already did enough pondering for one day. "Yes?" He answered.

Kagome thought for a while before saying slowly: "Sango and I think you should bathe." She thought she did that rather nicely.

He looked straight ahead with a look surprised incredulity upon his visage but Kagome couldn't see it because of the veil. His voice took on a sly tone when he said, "Really? Are you two gonna ba - "

SMACK!

Sango with a bundle under one arm, Hiraikotsu poised over Miroku's head. Miroku on the ground swirly-eyed. Sango red, angry, dangerous looking and grinding her teeth. Kagome sweat-dropping, sighing, pointing, scolding.

*

The room was large. The room was a throne room with large multi-coloured glass windows of the six elements. Earth, Fire, Water, Air, Darkness and Light. The high domed ceiling of the room contained all the mentioned elements in an illusionary view, each raging against each other yet managing to coexist and live despite their contradictions. Large pillars of roman styled columns supported the ceiling, as did all columns yet unlike ordinary columns these were made of pure water shaped with fish swimming about on the inside. Pure fire drapes covered half covered the coloured windows, the ground was bare with nothing but random clouds seeming to pass underneath without much order. Autumn leaves fell down methodically yet disappeared far before it reached the empty ground. Shadows of objects and people that weren't there popped up haphazardly here and there. Light streamed down from random positions flitting about graciously.

In the middle of this room was a large round table made of nothing but air so that it looked invisible to any outsiders. Six elaborate thrones circled the table each made of one of the six elements. Each had it's Japanese symbol engraved upon it. Very rarely did the actual inhabitants of this room use this meeting area but on this occasion they did. Six females sat at their appropriate elemental throne; four of the six were scowling darkly while the other two looked down sheepishly.

"Hi! Mizu!" The one with nearly blinding white hair said with a scowl marring her usual gorgeous visage. "Idiots, the both of you! You two have nothing up here do you?!" She stated as she tapped one pristine pale finger to her head.

"We're sorry sis!" Mizu pleaded. "I - we didn't think - "

"That's damn right!" A blacked-eyed woman stated sternly. She ran a smooth black skinned hand through her raven-haired tresses in frustration. "You two never think!"

Hi stood up piqued by her sister's words, "It was an honest mistake - "

The brown haired elemental snorted. "I'm sure you 'accidentally' turned a man into woman! Just like you 'accidentally' turned that man into a female cow!" She said sarcastically. Her vivid leaf green eyes danced as they watched her two squirming sisters.

The fire elemental sat down reluctantly, but with a bitter scowl on her face.

The light blue haired sister sighed sadly and looked at her fighting siblings through baby blue eyes. "Mizu. Hi. You must never do this ever again. Understand?" She said in a whispery voice.

The two nodded mutely.

"I don't understand something though." The earth elemental said intrigued.

"What is it that you don't understand Earth sister?" The elemental of darkness muttered. "It's excruciatingly obvious that those two fucked up."

Hi's blood red eyes blazed at that comment and opened her mouth to protest about that remark but her air sister silenced her with a soft look. "Dark sister please refrain from using such language. Earth sister please continue."

She nodded, "Why is it that the rules of equivalent trade did not work upon the monk? It worked for that man that the two turned into a bovine female."

"His holy powers. Something we should never tamper with." Light sister said with a sigh.

Mizu and Hi looked traded perplexed looks. This didn't go unnoticed by they others present at the table.

"Oh by the gods above! You two don't know the rule about equivalent trade?!" Dark sister cried exasperated.

The air sister looked over at her two siblings with a sigh, "Of course they do not know. How could they if you won't allow them to read the book of rules?"

"The rule of equivalent trade is simple." Light sister began, ignoring the tirade of curse dripping from her twin's mouth. "When you change something into something else you must exchange that thing with something of the equivalent mass. Like when you changed that man into a cow somewhere out there a female cow turned into a man. However that is unequal trade because the cow had much much more mass than the man so to make up for the missing mass in that man another cow closest in DNA to the cow turned human was turned half human. However when you turned that monk into a man you turned only him into the opposite gender, there was no trade, no woman out there was randomly turned into man. Why? Because despite the fact that he is a major pervert he still retains a high amount of high holy energy. I'm not yet certain as to why our spells go chaotically wrong when placed upon a holy man/woman which is why we NEVER spell cast on people with holy energies."

"What happens if there is no trade?" Mizu asked tentatively.

Light sister sighed. She looked up and met the eyes of her sisters who were waiting apprehensively for her answer save for Dark sister who already knew. She looked directly at Mizu and Hi, "The caster or casters become mortal."

*

The sound of water slapping rock awoke me. I yawn and stretch my arms lazily. I open my eyes and emit a small chuckle. What a strange dream! I get up from and stand on the lone cliff with my trusty shakujo by my side with a smile crossing my visage. It was just a dream. No elementals. I wasn't a female. I had just dreamed it all up! I laugh. It was the only thing I could think of to do under such a circumstance.

Miroku!

I turn to see a happily waving Sango at the bottom of the cliff smiling at me. Come on! Lunch is ready! Inu Yasha and Kagome are here!

I laugh then call back. I'm coming! I watch as Sango leaves skipping off and laughing. Naraku was gone; Kikyou was now a peace, Kohaku was alive and thriving. Soon Sango's brother wouldn't need the Shikon jewel shard in his back to live. Inu Yasha admitted his love for Kagome, soon after they mated and Kagome decided to live in the feudal era along with us. Ayame and Kouga mated. Sesshomaru and Inu Yasha were starting to act like brothers - albeit they still hate each other's guts but close enough. My Wind Tunnel was gone! Best of all Sango was now MY wife! Now we have twins, Tora (boy) and Aluki (girl), both are now four.

I turn and walk down the cliff. I approach the clearing with a smile. Shippo and Kohaku are playing chess with Tora cheering Kohaku on and Aluki rooting for Shippo. Inu Yasha, Kagome and Sesshomaru are playing Chinese checkers with, surprisingly, Kagome winning by tremendous bounds leaving disgruntled Sesshomaru and Inu Yasha in semi-bad moods. Kouga and Ayame are cuddling up in a corner. Their kid Yukiyume is picking flowers with Rin. Jaken and Myouga are discussing all the abuse they've suffered while serving their master. Transformed Kirara and Ah-Un were play wrestling. Perfect. Almost.

Where was Sango?

I looked around and was pleasantly surprised when two thin arms encircled my waist. Hello love. Been waiting long?

I felt her shake her head. Nah. Come on lets eat! She slides to my side careful not to loosen her grip around my torso; I slide my hand and let it rest on her waist. Everything was perfect . . .

Wait a sec . . . . . did I just a see a floating banana?

Miroku woke up with a jolt. He looked wildly around only to discover that he was sopping wet not to mention naked in a hot spring. The strange thing was that the stars were out and it was night. His vivid black eyes searched around until they landed on Kagome and Sango who were in the water with white yukatas on.

Sango held up a big bottle of pink shampoo with an evil smirk.

"Time to bathe Miroku!" Kagome said cheerfully as she held up a scrubby thing laden with sweet sakura smelling soap.

"Why can't I bathe myself?!" The monk asked incredulously as he inched back more and more. "There isn't anything wrong with looking at my own body!"

Sango and Kagome exchanged dead pan looks. "You get top half, I'll get the bottom half." Kagome said conversationally.

"Okay."

*

Inu Yasha growled as he munched on his Ramen. He couldn't believe they made him carry around Miroku for the whole day! Sango knocked him unconscious she should've been the one who freakin' hauled around that monk! The hanyou gave a shiver of disgust as he thought of how easy it would've been for that veil of his to just slip off and now the two of them were giving him a bath! Well . . . that was a good thing supposedly . . . the monk did smell . . . icky . . .

The hanyou twitched then slapped his cheek. "So look who came to show their ass around here again." He said to his hand.

Myouga twitched in his flat form twice before he instantly popped up once more. "My Lord! I have news regarding Naraku!"

"Yeah? Then go on already!" He said as he slurped up some more Ramen.

"My lord. It seems that has moved toward the western lands . . . toward Sesshomaru."

"And?"

"Well you see . . . Sesshomaru has twenty jewel shards . . ."

"WHAT?!" Inu Yasha shouted. He jumped up and discarded his bowl of Ramen. "Dammit why didn't you tell me before?!"

Myouga jumped out of the way then prostrated himself before his master. "P . . . p . . . please spare me! I . . . I . . . I didn't know!!"

"Dammit!" The hanyou cursed again. "Now I have to wait for Kagome and Sango to finish up . . . "

Inu Yasha's flea retainer jumped up and saluted, "Don't worry! I'll go get them for you!" He said then hopped off before Inu Yasha could utter one word.

The hanyou 'hmphed' with a growl. Idiotic flea brained moron! He was holding back! Inu Yasha seethed in anger he'd bet Tetsusaiga that that idiot knew all along but never saw it fit to tell him! It would serve the flea right to fall in love with the monk!

*

Japanese meanings:

Yukata - A thin kimono used during sunny weather, sleeping, or bathing.

Hi - Fire

Mizu - Water

Aluki - Snow

Tora - Tiger

SPECIAL REQUEST! PLEASE READ! I really really really! I need to know the Japanese words for light, darkness, air and earth! You can guess what they're for. PLEASE!!! I can't really continue very well if I don't know these words in Japanese and you guys are smart enough to know why! Oh! And uh . . . first to tell me gets . . . spoilers! But ONLY for the next chapter. ^_^

I don't know if there are actually any portable toasters but my story my rules! =}

I've never worn a tampon in my life so I don't really know the comfort level of them so I just made up what it would feel like. ^^

If you want me to answer a question leave me your email address. I don't really like answering question in chapters. Thank you.