Kyou Kara Maou Fan Fiction ❯ Torn... ❯ Torn ( Chapter 1 )

I caress his dark tresses, memorising its scent, its texture. I breathe in air, hoping that I might just get a whiff of your smell.

I like it like this; the moonlight illuminating your still form, making your skin look even more translucent against your dark, long lashes. I twine your raven locks with my golden ones around my finger, marvelling at the way the colours enhance the brilliance of the other, complimenting each other.

I lightly run my fingers along the contours of your face, strangely marble-like tonight. Slowly, I turn your face towards mine and lightly bring my lips to brush against yours....

Your lips are warm and strangely, they remind me of summer days in lush gardens, green apples and jasmines. You sigh contentedly and snuggle closer. I stare at your face, waiting to see if you'd move again. You don't.

I put my arms around you and bring you closer to me. I burrow my head in your neck, knowing that I might never be able to be this close to you again. And in the silence of the night and comfort of the moonlight, I say the words that hover at the tip of my tongue but never dared to express: “I love you.”

And it's true. I love Yuuri with all my heart and all my soul. Why? I don't really know.

He is kind, gentle, forgiving and unpretentious. Maybe it's because deep inside myself, I recognise a kindred spirit or he represents what I want to be but am unable to because I'm too proud of my Mazoku heritage. Or maybe, through him, I can reach out to Conrad whom I cannot connect with by myself. Or maybe, it's his honesty that appeals to me. Or....

The truth is this: I don't know. I'm not even sure if this is love or obsession or just possessiveness. I just want him to be with me, always. I'm afraid that he'll suddenly realise that he doesn't like me and he'll leave me if I'm not there to stop him. I know I'm not good enough to be his fiancé. I'm a boy, and possessive, and irrational half the time. I know he cares for me, but... I'm still insecure. I won't be able to bear it if he leaves me or fall in love with someone else and dash my childish, stupid hope that he might come to love me- unlikely as it is.

`I love you, Yuuri. More than you'll ever know. I'd sell my soul to the Devil for your sake. I won't be selfish and ask for your love or demand you fulfil your obligation to marry me, because what I really want is your happiness. I won't push you but I'll jealously guard you so that I know that if there ever is a person who captures your heart, I need to know that I'm losing to a better person.

But right now, you are mine to cherish, to love, to protect. I will always love you, Yuuri and for now I'm content that no one will ever replace me in your life.'

A tear slips down Wolfram's cheek to land on Yuuri's face.

Wiping his wet lashes, Wolfram bends down to lightly kiss away the teardrop on Yuuri's cheek. The last kiss he would ever give his beloved.

“I love you.” He whispers for the last time before turning away from the person he loved most in the world.

Much later, after Wolfram's snores was once more audible, the young Maou opened his eyes and mouthed I-love-you-too, silent tears pouring unchecked down his cheeks, wetting his now sodden pillow.

He could never freely love Wolfram, not in the way he wanted too. He could not hurt Conrad and Adalbert or Elizabeth by bringing their relationship to another level. His friends, family or Shori would never understand the close bond of interdependence they shared. Plus, Yuuri was aware their relationship could never work out because of their incompatibility despite it being the very thing that attracted and nurtured their young love.

He loved Wolfram and could never willingly leave him but neither could he freely love him either.

Yuuri brought his hand to his lips. My first kiss. My first and only love.