Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Side Effects: heiwa no Jutsu ❯ Clone Sex and ANGST ( Chapter 14 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: messypeaches 
OMGWTF angst! i wrote angst in my porny one-shot! AIIE.
hahaha. You know you love it.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.26.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 9.1K | Visits: 3.6K | Status: Completed
OMGWTF angst! i wrote angst in my porny one-shot! AIIE.
hahaha. You know you love it.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.26.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 9.1K | Visits: 3.6K | Status: Completed
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Clone-Sex and Angst
Iruka whimpered, softly, purring against the other’s body in a kind of false despair. His captor was warm, firm, and perfectly convincing until the moment their lips met, crushing together. Iruka blinked-
"You're a clone!"
The false Kakashi grinned. "Yep- this is the part where I leave then-"
"Oh, hell I thought I had found the real one." Iruka said, suddenly pissed. "Now I have to keep looking. Glad I waited till we kissed before I just stopped."
The Kakashi blinked. "Are you-" He stepped back a little.
"Also a clone."
"Ah." The Kakashi scratched his head. "You're very real. How does he know how he tastes?"
The Iruka grinned broadly. "Wouldn't Kakashi like to know? Damn… Now I have to look for him. Don't suppose you'd point me in the right direction?"
"Would you tell me where Iruka's been hiding?"
"Not a chance in hell." The Iruka grinned. "Guess I have to keep looking. Damn. I'm only going to last another few hours."
"Yeah. Same here. Stupid fight, isn't it?"
"Oh. They’re going to end up boffing to make up for it anyway. And meanwhile, we suffer."
"The tragic life of a clone." The Kakashi rolled its eyes, smiling. "Sooo... How's your existence been so far?"
"Alright, I suppose. Better than when he used me during his teenage years." The Iruka relaxed, leaning against a tree. "There was this one time- heh- I better not say."
The Kakashi nodded. "Mm, I have my own stories, but you're right, better not share."
"So."
"So. I should go, you know, find you...” The Kakashi scratched his head again. There was a long, awkward silence as neither one moved.
A cricket chirped.
"So."
"Yeah."
More silence.
"Oh, fuck it; I only have two hours to live anyway- wanna fool around?"
"Oh god I thought you'd never ask-"
And then there was a tangle, and the Iruka was pressed back against the tree enjoying the Kakashi’s non-taste. There was a pause in their contact and with a cheeky as hell grin- "Be gentle, I'd hate to bamph out on you-"
The Kakashi grinned. "I'll treat you fragilely- I promise."
The Iruka sniggered and pulled away enough to strip out of his vest and shirt.
"Don't I get to undress you?"
"Thought we were in a hurry?" The Iruka said reasonably, then stopped as a warm, wet mouth connected with a nipple before his shirt was off. "Ooh- okay shutting up-"
"Geh- you taste perfect- does he sit around and lick himself?"
"Not- ah- exactly?" The Iruka got the shirt off and jerked up on the Kakashi’s collar. "Just to make sure, you're a complete clone, right? Have all your parts?" Hips were pressed to hips, grinding. "Hey- I had to ask- Mm- flattering himself a little there?"
"Your gain-" The Kakashi nipped at his toys now bare neck, flicking his tongue around the edge of his ear. "Top or bottom?"
"Don't care-lift your arms, dammit!" The Iruka was yanking irately at the Kakashi’s shirt, once the arms were up it was off and tossed to the side. "Nice of him to include nipples-"
"Some sort of don't do thing by halves motto- " His fingers tangled in the Iruka’s hair, pulling the head back and violently stealing a kiss. It didn't break for a while either, not even when the Iruka tweaked one of those ‘gift’ nipples, or even when the Iruka’s hands forced themselves down the back of the Kakashi’s pants to squeeze the firm rump underneath. However, when the hands shifted a little, fingers going lower searching for entrance, the Kakashi pulled back. "Ah- doesn't this work- guh- better without pants?"
The Iruka grinned and pushed, finger forcing in even as the Kakashi’s hips came forward against his, hard and needy. "Then loose the pants! Now!"
The pants were lost. Or, at the very least, moved away. And that's when they had clone sex problem number one, which was a simple matter of mechanics. Or rather, a matter of plumbing.
To put it bluntly, the Kakashi was missing that one, vital part that made bottoming worth it.
"Lazy fucking bastard! How many times have I died in fights- and he cheaps-out on a prostate! FUCK!"
(This is, if you care, the exclamation that the real Kakashi heard that got his attention. He felt that he had a clone there, so he went to look.)
The Iruka laughed and kissed at him until he shut up. "It's okay, I'll bottom; I'm well made."
The Kakashi muttered something about lazy porn-reading bastards and pushed the Iruka against a tree. "Fine!"
"Oh, don't sound so broken up about it-" The Iruka groped him soundly, and the Kakashi moaned. "See? That part works."
Kakashi (the real one) who was sitting in a tree now, felt his jaw drop. His mouth instantly filled with blood from what felt like a brain hemorrhage and if his mask hadn't dampened the hydraulic flow he may have very well shot into orbit.
There was a tumble, a slightly uncoordinated tumble of limps that the clones made gentle to prevent poofing. The Iruka was on his back, keeping his hands busy by stuffing them down the front of the Kakashi’s pants and doing-
Well, the real Kakashi couldn't quite tell but he was still too stunned to talk in anything that resembled sentences. In fact, his mental process is going about like this- 'gah, guu boo- Urgh- Ah but- wh- urgh!'
The Kakashi moaned again, pulling away and jerking the Iruka’s pants down, roughly. The prone figure squirmed, laughing. The laugh was bell like, clear-
And it was Iruka’s. Kakashi blinked and shuddered, mouth suddenly very dry. It was like watching a play. A play where the actors were made up, but weren't in character. They had the voices, the noises, the motions, everything, perfect but not quite the same-
God it was live action porn, who the hell was he kidding? He should have put more chakra into his clones, if this one wasn't noticing him here in the tree hyper ventilating and trying not to stuff a hand down his own pants but- Fuck- he was throbbing now, a knot of hard tight flesh turning into a rod under the slender band of cloth his too-short-shirt was subjecting him to.
It was Iruka’s shirt- a sudden sharp inhale and he realized he could smell Iruka on it, or at least whatever the hell soap he used- probably bought in bulk, maybe a scent his mother had used to use- whatever- dammit- the shirt was too tight now, it felt warm - hot even - except that sliver.
The Kakashi on the ground had shifted, what ever he was doing to the Iruka’s cock with his tongue had the thing squirming and yowling.
Oh, fuck- yeah, that makes it better. I get to hear a spot on of Iruka voice going 'oh, god, it feels so good' FUCK FUCK- He felt his own member twitch, straining against the tough material of his pant. He shifted and it nearly chafed. Oh god- do I even have any boxers anymore? I could steal- oh- hell now I'm REALLY thinking about what's in his boxers, aren’t I? Ah-
And he was too- he was suddenly elsewhere, with Iruka on his lap wearing only soon-to-be-gone boxers as Kakashi’s pale hand slide in and gripped him, once firmly to get his attention and then loosening. Let's see, what next-
The Iruka on the ground squealed suddenly back arching. The Kakashi’s head was up, so one must assume fingers were involved.
"Just making sure you really had it." The Kakashi growled.
The Iruka couldn't talk, just tried too, ending up with a moaning babble gushing out of him like hot honey.
Oh yeah- fingers were next- Kakashi realized, not noticing that he had crept his hand up his shirt- rubbed he cool strip of belly- until his whole stomach spasmed. Oh fuck, I can't breathe- He slunk deeper in to the shadows, higher in the tree, and jerked his mask down far enough he could clench the material in his teeth and breathe raggedly through his nose. Fingers would be next- yeah- Kakashi had made it to point to note the sensitive spots on Iruka’s lovely organ at all stages of hardness/softness, he'd start by thumbing the tip- and Iruka, depending on his mood would either flush and bite his lip (like a virgin) and arch into it or moan like an emperor's mistress. Either way? Didn't matter.
The Iruka on the ground was taking the harlot road - which was the louder of the two, and primarily responsible for the hard-on Kakashi was breaking down and reaching for. He stopped and stuffed the half glove from his hand into his mouth as well before fighting with the top button- Oh, 'Ruru my love if you rigged my pants so I can't get my dick out I may really have to hurt you- Dammit I could pee this morning! Some sort of erection triggered tra- oh thank god it's just stuck- The zipper was equally stubborn, but it gave way as well- cold- whatever- ah- He exhaled onto his hand, once, twice to kill the chill and then (finally!) he could reach down, grabbing himself. His other hand went to the tree, gripped the bark-Some treacherous, fleeting corner of his brain was suddenly jealous of Sasuke’s brilliant idea to steal a cat- but it was washed away when the Iruka on the ground screamed, gleefully, at being penetrated. Kakashi bit down hard on a groan and squeezed himself, trying to imagine Iruka on him- around him- not very fucking hard with the sound track of the century playing in the background. Oh god, I'm fine for how many years and then that damn- ah- perfect- little- cock-tease shows up and now I'm jerking off in a tree. Great. Wonderful- oh god-
It wasn't a spectacular orgasm, not really, just a release the he belatedly tried not to get on his shoe (he failed and frowned hazily). The clones seemed to have had more fun, and were artfully entangled with each other as they spasmed through their grand finale. Forehead protector knocked loose, he could read their motions into words easily-
The Kakashi- 'Heh. We didn't go poof.'
The Iruka- 'No- but there's not much left- I feel weak.'
The Kakashi- 'Yeah- I'll stay till you go, okay?"
The Iruka- 'Same here.'
Kakashi felt like gagging, and mentally SWORE to never be that cute in public without some sort of criminal intent to hurt those around him. But then again, it'd probably melt the hell out of Iruka… And a melty-Iruka was easier to deal with than the spiky, pissy hellion the Uchiha brat had unleashed upon him… Ah yes… Sasuke.. must kill..
He stuffed himself back into his pants, zipper up- caught himself in his zipper, mentally cursed, did it right, put his glove on, pulled his mask up, and left the two damn love birds to dissipate together.
It was Sunday evening.
~*~*~*~
By Monday evening Kakashi had to sit down, take a deep breath, and slide into a state of semi-meditation to figure out how to win. Just looking for Iruka… Had failed…. Abysmally… The man had gotten damn good at clones, they even tasted right now, and using Sharingan to spot them before they were in his lap, cooing and purring, (Iruka was going to SCREAM for this) was going to drive him insane, out of his head bonkers. I haven't slept since Thursday night, dammit! Not more than a few hours Saturday, at the least. I'm tiiiiired! He kept his complaints to himself though, it was very un-shinobi like to complain about mere sleep-deprivation.. That's different though. Sleep deprivation on a mission is one thing, this is fucking STUPID. I'm going to drive myself insane!
Not that Iruka wasn't going to do that anyway. Kakashi wasn't sure how the man had done it, but after attempting to sleep Saturday night he'd found out that those shirts, those damn short shirts, that Pakkun hadn't noticed, had been dipped in… something. Every fucking mosquito that had survived the cold came out for a piece of him. Pure luck and skill had prevented them from getting though but one can't SLEEP when one is fending off attack after attack of minute vampires.
And earlier today- Guuh-
He'd sent out clones of his own. He'd TRIED….. But an Iruka clone had slide through, all apologies and dopey-eyes and good god but he'd smelled just, mmm-
Between that warm, purring little thing bamphing on him, and the smut fest he'd wandered onto (but not away from) yesterday- and the lack of sleep- Kakashi was a wad of nerves. An irate ball of nerves.
I can't believe I can't find him. I suppose if I summoned enough dogs one of them would find him eventually, but- hell- his clones have the right scent, too, and by now he's got trails crisscrossed around the village like lace. Kakashi growled and sighed in the same breath. And I'm still pink- the fuck is this stuff?
Dammit, Kakashi, calm down- breath- He sucked in a breath through clenched teeth and exhaled, repeated it. Alright. Stop thinking like a lovers quarrel… Treat it like a real fight. What would you do if you were this out maneuvered in a real fight?
There was a paused from his internal voice.
Besides ramming a few chidori up your opponent’s ass.
Kakashi brooded a moment. It's all a mind game- dammit, you can't kick a mind game… So I need to step back and think- think- what buttons do I know he has?
Hmmph… I could arrange for Naruto and Sasuke to get caught. That kind of trauma might send him reeling enough to come to me- I think he'd come to me- but I'm not actually mad at the blonde brat… And I doubt Iruka would have quite the same lackadaisical opinion about two fourteen year olds going at it.
I suppose I could trap them, try to make sure Naruto is out of it, let Sasuke get yelled at, and then prompt the twerp to ask Iruka about the teachers lounge…
Hmm. But that might lead to Naruto and The-Soon-to-be-Former-Last-Uchiha knowing about the more recent table shaking… And that's just none of their business.. Besides, if I got caught I'd be in more trouble… Shaaa... way to go Copy-nin, you had to pick the emotionally unstable, insecure one, didn't you? Oh well. Calling a ninja stable is usually, at best, a gross misunderstanding.
Hrmm. Kakashi’s brows knit together then relaxed a little. Well, that might work.. He thought, appraising an idea that flitted by. Hmmm… He started to reject it, labeling it cruel, but then a strand of his hair fell in his place, nearly neon pink, and he thought about that bed-full of itching powder….
And suddenly his plan didn't seem quite so cruel…
There was one catch though… he pursed his lips and meditated on his options there.
Iruka was sensitive, yes, but he was also quite perceptive. If Kakashi was going to ignore the hell out of him, it had to be all the way. He couldn't have any sort of flux, Iruka couldn't see him rising to any sort of bait…
In short, he was going to have to act like he was dealing with Naruto in brat mode... Except Naruto in brat mode was easy to side step… Iruka was both more skilled, and, well….
In spite of his other perversities, Naruto pouting had never made Kakashi want to nail the boy to the nearest stable object. Repeatedly…. And if he randomly grabbed Iruka to nail him to a wall, for starters it would probably be a clone, and secondly, Iruka would know 'Operation get the hell under Kakashi’s skin and stay there' had worked.
Mmm. I'll have to make it up to you after, Ruru, but for now, I have to be bored with you. Kakashi sighed and brought his hands up. I hope you break down before I do… I'd hate to have my balls actually pop…
"Heiwa no jutsu-" He breathed the words out, felt it sink in. Not that's he'd been horny at the moment, but it worked better and lasted longer for multiple castings if it wasn't trying to quash an existent hard-on. He then buried his nose into his book (now about dirt… He didn't think reading anything sexy would be good right now… At least it was interesting dirt) and walked back to town. (As an after thought he cast a quick illusionary jutsu to hide the pink. Sure, some people would see through it, but it was a little better.)
~*~*~*~
Sasuke was an ass. Sasuke was a prick. Someday, hopefully soon, Sasuke was going to be beaten to a bloody pulp by Naruto’s fists and feet.
But right now- Naruto could do very little more than squirm. When the hell did an antisocial bastard like Sasuke learn to rub backs and shoulders? The sex made a little sense, there was a lot to be said for fantasies, but who sat around and went 'Mm.. I wanna rub that back!'
Okay, maybe some people did but they were being kinky so it went back to the sex thing. Either way Sasuke had fingers that felt like iron, jabbing away aches and pains and stiffness viciously. Hell, he hadn't even known his shoulders were tense, thought it made sense, right? I guess being high energy has its drawbacks.
Sasuke, meanwhile, wasn't sure what had possessed him to flip Naruto over roughly, bark out an order for him to lay still (he hadn't, but with Sasuke sitting on his back it was hard to fight back quickly enough) and start kneading at his shoulders. Once assured he wasn't going to be taken violently, Naruto had gone boneless.
If you'd asked Sasuke what his logic was, he'd have shrugged. It wasn't about power, he'd found out fast that a pinned Naruto could spastically bend in flat-out inhuman ways to kick you in the kidneys, sitting on him was not enough to hold him down- Not without rope, liberal use of blunt objects and a few nerve pinches. So it couldn't be about power.
Sasuke didn't know what it was about, and it didn't take a lot not to think about it. Poking a boneless Naruto to hear different noises was more entertaining anyway. Sasuke moved to abuse the spine and considered, carefully, how to avoid being killed. He'd underestimated just how mad Iruka would get…. But then again, nothing Sasuke had ever done would have given him any idea of Iruka mad. He'd seen Naruto get yelled at, sure, but without having been the subject of the usually mild teacher’s wrath he'd had no idea how intensely mad he could get.
But judging by the fact Kakashi was using some sort of masking jutsu and looked, just a tiny bit haunted…. Sasuke flicked his finger across the top of Naruto's ear, shifting and sitting across the blonde's legs. I've heard wave county in nice this time of year… Is that a good enough reason to go missing-nin? 'I've pissed off my teacher and have chosen life over honor?'
On the other hand……… Sasuke's' mind purred and rumbled in his head like an engine. There might be a way to soften the blow of retribution… Damn… He hated to admit it, but he'd screwed up his first prank… He'd somehow overdone it; damn, dobe made it look easy. Has to be a way, dammit. He rubbed circles into the small of Naruto’s back, pushing down hard enough to hear the spine popping. He could feel it popping through his hands, too, and smiled faintly.
Naruto muttered something, and Sasuke pulled his hair up until he could understand it. "Feels nice." Naruto mumbled it out again. "Teach me?"
"Meh. Later." Sasuke said, thinking… Obviously, telling Iruka that it was him was, ah, out of it. Sure, the man would rush off to apologize, he was fairly sure, but he was equally sure that there would be at least a few automatic muscle reflexes that would involve Sasuke getting hit. Was there a chance Sasuke could dodge? Maybe. But any man that could drill Naruto in the forehead at fifty feet with a chalkboard eraser without looking would, at the very least, make Sasuke look like total fool while running away.
Besides, fighting in Konoha got attention fast. Sasuke might believe he was capable of dealing with Iruka, but, the fact that at any given time there were at least ten other chuunin and one to five jounin within earshot meant that fights had to be over fast. Sure, no one ever interfered with someone chasing Naruto, but, Naruto was special. Naruto has his own little bubble, a sphere of effect on his surroundings. How Naruto was dealt with did not count. Everyone knew he wouldn't hurt Iruka. However, if people walked out and saw Sasuke and Iruka going at it, they might think insanity was hereditary.
Sasuke pushed his fingers through the mess blond hair (it was mop-ish right now, not spiky) and rubbed at the scalp. He dragged his fingers back down Naruto's back, plying muscles down the spine again until he got to the edge of Naruto's underwear.
An unavoidable side effect of sleeping with someone is knowing more about them, even if it's only a little. In Sasuke's case, he knew that Naruto had two orange jumpsuits that he traded off on, washing them himself, and that everything else (everything not standard issue) was mismatched. Either from donations to orphan funds or him hitting good-will stores, he had more multicolored shirts than Sasuke could shake his fist at, same for ugly, random boxers, extra pants, and a deep purple jacket. He'd had to ask about the jacket, and Naruto had shrugged and kicked his radiator.
"Heater doesn't always work, you know?" Naruto had said, shrugging. "Cheap landlord."
Sasuke tickled the small of his back lightly and Naruto squirmed.
Had to be a way.
Had to.
~*~*~*~
Heiwa works in circular chakra patterns. When it's activated, energy is drained from your libido and channeled into paths that circles your lower belly and upper thighs, with its focal point in the small of your back. It lasts until pressure breaks it or it wear off, then the chakra is put back into the system, re-powering the libido to whatever it was before. If it's cast twice, then it will last twice as long, storing twice as much power as it started with. Three times is three times as much.
Continuous casting will eventually cause a sort of chakra ripple. The circling, swirling pattern will gain momentum of it's own, eventually actually pulling in energy from the body. It becomes a whirlpool inside of you, pain focusing on your back. When it gets to this stage it usually takes multiple 'spendings' of energy to release the pressure or the damage, the sheer force, starts to damage cell walls, causing deep tissue bruising.
But, when it's cast when there is little to no energy coiling in your loins, it takes a long time for it to get that momentum. Twice - barely anything is still almost nothing, you see. And Kakashi was discovering that Heiwa didn't feel as much like cold, clammy hands grabbing at you and keeping you calm when you weren't half hard and foaming at the mouth to go in the first place.
So ignoring the Iruka's was easier. Even the one that had found him bathing quickly in the icy cold river water and offered to both soap him up and/or warm him up was utterly ignored.
The disturbing thing was that Iruka seemed to know himself quite well. He'd have to, to make clones that were so, him. The clones were bolder than Iruka had behaved sober, true, but they still acted like him, slightly blushing, a little unsure, a balanced if slightly sly, confused smile. They moved like him…
As soon as this mess was over Kakashi was going to demand Iruka explain how he'd finessed such a simple technique to an art form. And better yet, why had he honed it that well. Okay, so first he was going to do things to the man that were only legal because no one had thought to outlaw them yet, therefore redefining the term depravity, but AFTER that he was going to start asking questions.
He stopped in his day’s meandering to get a drink, earning a starry eyed look from the waitress. Not that she'd even seen more than half his face for more than half a second. It kind of amused him, really; people thought he was a lot better looking than he was when all they saw was a flash. He had the distinct feeling that a lot of people would be disappointed with his face; overly narrow with pale lips that blended into his skin most of the time. (This is his opinion of himself… I think you're hot, Kakashi-sensei!) He spun in his seat at the counter, leaning back lazily and flipping his book open, turning the pages with his thumb. Doubly disappointed now… He thought, shifting his jaw a little and feeling the cloth of the mask catch on the stubble. He'd never been a very hairy person, but there were a few determined hairs that would try to grow slowly and after this many days (dear god was it really Wednesday?) he probably had almost enough to be visible.
Kurenai walked by, looking annoyingly well laid. Normally he'd be happy for her, at the very least glad that she and Asuma had finally jumped each other, if only to get the annoying sexual tension out of the way. But this was not a normal day. The last thing he needed today was to deal with a well laid woman purring with afterglow without the ability to tug Iruka into his lap to gloat back.
Oh hell, she would stop, Kakashi thought. "Yo." He flicked a hand lazily as she sat next to him, all smiles and hormones. Bitch... Go away.
"Heey." She grinned, obviously looking for some excuse to gloat, to brag, and to share… "How are you?"
"It's about time." He said without looking up.
"Huh?"
"You. Asuma." He waved his hand again and continued to peruse his book about earthworms. He'd finished the one on dirt and worms seemed logical enough. "Congratulations and so forth."
"Oh-" She blushed. "Does everyone know?"
"No one looks that smug normally, and Asuma is all but strutting." Kakashi said.
"Ah." She paused. "And how's Iruka?"
Kakashi shrugged. "Not sure. Haven't seen him in a few days." Honest enough reply.
"Ah… You know Gai spent a few days last week running around and asking about you two, right?"
Kakashi didn't answer. She was now prying and he was far more concerned with the proper way to chop up flatworms. Kurenai got a cup of hot tea and sipped at it, looking at the sky. It was a smooth, steely gray, but very clear. It looked like it might start to snow, but it was still early for that so Kakashi was thinking there night be slush and icy rain. .
Kakashi really hoped it didn't. He was currently sleeping (or trying too; what the hell doom-bugs still stung this time of year?) in a tree and rain would be, unwelcome. Unwelcome like IRS auditors, Jehovah witnesses, and the creepy in-laws that leave weird stains on your sofa…. He wondered if Kurenai had seen Iruka lately and decided he was no so desperate as to ask. Kurenai was all right, but she talked to Anko, and Anko was the human equivalent of a billboard. He'd gotten more looks in the last few days (including pre-pinkness)- and he was positive that it was her fault. Sure, Gai had run around asking questions, but most of the people in town were too dull to engage in truly entertaining gossip in such a flamboyant way.
Kakashi was also rather sure that the only reason Iruka hadn't noticed (he'd have know if Iruka noticed, he'd have been notified with the scream of ultimate suffering echoing off the hillsides) was that Iruka was enjoying doing things like flustering Kakashi and turning him pink to care. Kakashi sighed quietly, turning another page. Worms are boring. Kurenai stood, leaving with a goodbye, and got a slight nod in agreement.
Less than five minutes later he glanced up to see Iruka- no, a clone, slide in next to him. The clone gave him a sideways glance and a soft smile and got a large cup of tea. "Cute."
"Hmm?"
"You're tossing up an illusion, right? Over the pink?"
Kakashi just ignored it. Because it is an It, after all. And I don't want a duplicate anyway. Huh. Clones were less temping when one thought with the larger of ones heads.
"The quiet game's cute too. You're good at it." The Iruka offered, almost like tossing a bone. "Are you going to surrender?"
"Surrender what?"
"The battle, of course."
Kakashi sighed and thought carefully. Wording here was important… he didn't want to come across as mad, or irate, just really, really cold. "Is this a battle?" He didn't sound like he cared.
"If it is, you're loosing." The clone said, grinning cheekily. Iruka seemed to make them a little more smart-ass than himself, maybe it was just they didn't have that sense of mortality. Or maybe they had a stronger sense of it, dying as often as clones do. Kakashi decided he didn't care. The clone leaning in towards him suddenly, boldly. "Or do you have a master plan?" The clone was hovering near Kakashi’s ear, the false body heat it put out warmed the breath that teased exposed skin.
There was a moment of silence where Kakashi planned his words, and the justification he would later have to use for them.. "Listen-"
The clone nodded. "I'm listening-"
There was a sudden rush. The clone didn't see Kakashi’s hand move but he felt the sudden squeezing of his throat. It whimpered as fingers dug in, and Kakashi blinked.
He makes them capable of pain as well as pleasure. How… strange of him.
"I'm bored with this." Kakashi said, looking at the book in his other hand. And he was, if you took into account he was defining 'this' as a continual ache of Heiwa combined with his need to pummel into a certain teacher combined with the fact he couldn't, at the moment, find said teacher to pummel. "It was interesting at first," And it had been, but he was defining 'first' here as the moment he'd gone to Iruka's classroom to find a desk in the wall. "But if you come near me again I'll kill you." His reasoning here was that if a clone could have an orgasm they could damn well die. Okay, that last sentence sounded less cruel in my head- but-
The clone blinked, hands trying to pry Kakashi’s fingers off its windpipe as its large, scared eyes looked at him. Kakashi was aware of the clones attempt to find something, some reason, but he didn't bother to look up and acknowledge it. Somehow, even with Heiwa, even knowing it was a clone, he didn't ever want to see what Iruka would look like after being hurt like that.
He let go of the Iruka and slumped back into his casual pose. The Iruka made a soft noise that Kakashi made himself block.
"What- what do you mean-" The Iruka said it in a broken, confused way, voice odd after the stress on his vocal cords. It rubbed at its throat with shaking hands.
"You get to live, for now, long enough to tell Iruka my, terms of surrender." Kakashi said sharply, killing any hope the clone might have of it being some bizarre joke. The clone made what was almost a sobbing noise, and Kakashi had to remind himself the damn thing had gotten laid far more recently than him and was therefore subject to no degree of sympathy. He took a breath and let his eyes unfocus, then turned his head to look at the fuzzy outline of the clone. As long as he couldn't see it’s eyes, he'd be fine- "Why are you still here?"
The clone squeaked- a strangled, adorable noise that made Kakashi want to comfort it, even if it was a damn fake, and left in a hurry of smoke and badly concealed footsteps. Kakashi took a deep breath and slumped. That had been- hard. He went back to his book, forcing himself to look at it as he stood up and shambled down the street. He was quite sure the news hadn't even gotten to Iruka yet and he had a desire to hunt down the clone and kill it before it could talk- then apologize to Iruka for the whole mess.
Except this wasn't his mess, this whole thing wasn't his fault, dammit. In fact….
Revenge is a lovely way to distract yourself, especially from matters like this, and the sort of revenge he was planning on Sasuke had to be sublime. Just beating him up was not an option… Not that he couldn't, but it was frowned upon for personal vendettas. Besides, Naruto might jump in, and while Naruto wasn't the best fighter Kakashi had ever see, the brat had an incredible way of trouncing people who should have been able to dissect him.
That was the other problem; he didn't want his revenge on Sasuke to screw up whatever the hell his two students had anywhere near as much as Sasuke’s joke-thing had ruined Iruka’s day. So there was to be no triggering of a fight between the two of them. They fought enough as it was.
Kakashi decided he'd need to get a blank scroll and plan this out properly. Couldn't let Sasuke get away with any bit of comfort during the process..
~*~*~*~
So this is what losing feels like. He'd made the clone relay the words back to him several times, not wanting to trust his ears, before letting it go, undoing the jutsu that held it there and staring that the smoke like there was supposed to be something bigger there. But there wasn't.
Miscalculation- miscalculation- He kept thinking that word, over and over. Of course it was a miscalculation, thinking that maybe he wasn't just, convenient. People don’t keep pets that bite, after all.
Dammit.
Iruka had to sit now, leaning hard against the trunk of the tree and wishing it would swallow him. What have I done- well, that was an easy question- he'd made a mess of things, hadn't he? It'd been- miscalculation.
He- he knew, had known better than to except some sort of instant connection. No one really falls in love at first sight, after all, but- at the very least- this was-
It was cruel. He was cruel- this whole mess was just too cruel and it was
All
His
Fault.
There wasn't a way around it- he could have just confronted Kakashi that afternoon, yelled at him then, thrown a few dozen large heavy things, and- and-
Then what? What happened after an explosion of rage like that? He'd just- rage- and Kakashi would wait it out (because Kakashi didn't care, he knew that now, so waiting out a pet’s tantrum wasn't as big a deal as seeing someone you loved in pain) and then Iruka would be patted on the head and rubbed on the belly and then Iruka would fold, maybe holding on long enough to extract a promise that Kakashi would not do that particular infringement again.
So, knowing that would happen, he'd put his foot down, or he'd tried too. Iruka realized his hands were shaking a little, he folded them together for stability and covered his face with them. He felt ill, nearly- and very lost.
He tried, very hard, to deny to himself that he was hurt. Hey, this was the logic that worked as teen, right? It was fun, now it's over- Hey. It worked on Inaga, right?
Of course, he'd met Inaga right after a really screwed up mission after stumbling into a club. She'd been one of the dancers on the stage. Yes, the type with the poles.
Iruka shook his head. He didn't need to think about his crappy dating resume right now- he wanted to- not think. He wanted his brain to shut off so he could stumble home and-
I can't go home, the ropes are still laying on the bed.
It still smells like him there- this SHIRT still smells like him- dammit.
It did, he inhaled sharply and exhaled through his nose. No, he could still smell it, god it made him feel safe, just for a second, but then it was gone. This is not- I don't want this to be happening, but it is, isn't it? It's not some large illusionary jutsu made to screw with me, I'd feel it- oh, my chest hurts.
His chest did hurt, mostly because he was choking on a sob. It took effort, time, and more pain but he crushed it down. Don't be pathetic sensei, how would it look if a student found you crying?
Don't be pathetic.
He straightened up, standing. I'll go- I don't know. I don't want to go there. I can't. He picked up his duffel bag. He'd been re-packing it again and again in a hurry, which was why he had to hold it to his chest. That's what he told himself, at least, squeezing the bulky canvas awkwardly. He made his face settle, carefully.
I won't- I won' t let him think he hurt me, at least not badly. If it was- if I was nothing but a pet to him- I'll pretend that was all I wanted. I can do that. It'll be okay. I can- I'll hold what pride I have left- He knew perfectly well if he thought that egging would help, even a little he'd go do it, throw himself with bulldog determination onto Kakashi’s ankle- but-
Hell, I might go try that publicly but- I don't want to be kicked away- I don't want anyone to pity me- and I don't want them mad at him.
It'd not like I was really in love with him, right? Right? It was just- good sex- and- he's attractive- I just. He knew he was lying to himself blatantly. I wanted him because I couldn't have him, then there he was, and I could and- It was intense, not love. Not-
Who the hell am I kidding? Iruka squeezed the bag tighter, feeling he edge of something dig into his arm. If I'd fallen any faster my ears would have popped from the air pressure change. I want him. I need him, and now-
"If I see you again, I'll kill you."
Iruka shivered. He'd made the clone say that at least six times- but- god. When Kakashi broke it off with someone he had a rather blunt method, didn't he? About as blunt as his invitation to share his bed, really. "You have one minute to stay or go-"
Iruka was glad- suddenly, that he hadn't heard Kakashi say what he'd said to the clone. Hearing it second hand had hurt, but if he'd been, sitting there- he'd have probably really started to cry. Cry and beg and generally make a fool of himself.
You know, a bigger fool than just falling for someone to whom you were a masturbation aide.
Iruka felt bile rise in the back of his throat again and swallowed it. God he's good though- I was- I thought he- maybe a little- but-
"Each other."
Just- that- it was, so- perfect- dammit- of course he'd know the proper romantic drivel an idiot like me would swallow- Iruka shuddered. I've been played flawlessly, everything- the ice cream- just- his face-
I'm never going to see his face again.
Ever.
Iruka walked faster, wondering where the hell he even thought he was going. Currently? Aimless. No, not aimless, north by northwest. Heading back towards Konoha.
I guess I can't really stay in the woods forever.
Well, I could if I hung myself- but- Iruka stiffened, teeth gritting and after a long moment he'd beaten thoughts like that out of his head. Don't be an idiot. It was just an (fantastic, mind blowing, warm gentle tender playful fun and sexy) affair.
Stupid parenthetical thoughts. Iruka felt angry, then sick again, then back to soul sucking (another thing he'd see little of) despair. That made him feel sick again. It all spun around in his head until everything was one, wondrously nauseating pattern dancing in his skull. He had to stop again.
I'm not stopping- I'm just winded. That's all. I'll start moving again soon.
One foot, in front of, the other.
I can do that. I can.
I can. Really. I can lie to myself about it. It's worked before. Next step, don't trip, how would it look if a shinobi instructor tripped over his own feet because his boyfriend (why the FUCK did he use that word?) dumped him like a goldfish down the drain. Because heavens forbid that teachers have problems too-
Iruka kept walking doggedly, until he made it to his classroom. Not, as MUCH had happened there, if he stayed away from his desk-
Iruka sat in a student's chair, in the back and slowly started to dig out the paperwork he'd lugged around with him. He had to finish- finish grading these things-
And class, for your next assignment, please, rip out your hearts in accordance with the diagram on page 165… Yeah, very good, now you know how I feel. Good luck popping it back in place.
He managed, somehow, to work for over three hours. His notes were the same as always, if he was pressing down a little hard on his pen, well then.
His finished the last one, the last damn sheet, and put them away. Methodically, carefully, alphabetically.
And then he sat there for the next five hours in what most would consider a catatonic state. His hands were laced on the desk, he was sitting up straight, eyes ahead if glazed, feet crossed at the ankles..
And all he could hear was the tick of the clock. Again and again. Tick tock. Stupid clock.
He didn't know he'd been crying until the salt crept into his mouth. It made him swallow, which was hard around the lump lodged there. His stomach was hurting him again, now, but he didn't move. Didn't even bother to wipe the tears. Just blinked, occasionally, as instinct dictated.
If I sit here… Until class starts… then, I won't see anything else that looks like him. He won’t come here, he'd never done it before and with- there's just no reason now, right?
He doesn't care enough to kick me when I'm down. That's something good about being dirt, I suppose.
No one bothers to kick dirt.
I hope I run out of tears by then.
~*~*~*~
Picture, if you will, a few bunnies on a land mine…
Now let the bunnies explode.
Fell better yet?
No?
Damn…. The publicist (namely my Morpheus toy) said people love watching bunnies explode….
Ah well, on with the story…
Thanks to the extreme cost of land mines, bunnies and the permits to combine them, I have been selling myself on the street to get my laptop out of hock. As such, two days have passed in the story.
~*~*~*~
It is now Friday.
Please, PLEASE let him be buying this. Sasuke thought to himself, attempting to look as innocent as possible in his Konohamaru form. He'd paid the twerp off to say away for a few hours, and was now standing in front of Iruka’s desk. Please please please please- I would have done this sooner but stupid Naruto and- those- damn trout!
Iruka looked confused. "What?"
Well, that's better than doubtful. "The book's different today. The one Kakashi-sensei had, last Monday? It's a different book today."
"It is?"
"Well, sort of. It was, the thing on the back?" Sasuke went to the board and drew an awkward picture of Icha Icha Paradise. It was awkward, because he was unsure of Konohamaru’s drawing skills. Personally, he could have done better…. "This was what he had Monday. But today- " He redrew it a little more carefully.
Iruka blinked. It was a mirror. One of the most common mistakes made in simple transformations.
"I just thought it was important." Sasuke said carefully, watching Iruka’s face. He looked like he'd been hit on the head repeatedly. That was good, right? "Have a nice weekend, Iruka sensei-" and he got the HELL out of there. Not that he'd actually made that mistake with his henge, but, whatever. Hopefully that'll help clear up that mess… I'd like to live to see fifteen…
Inside, Iruka was still staring at the board. His head hurt, and he felt sick again. I'd dump me too. Oh fuck. He erased the board slowly, then started to erase the days lecture. Congratulations, it is now truly, one hundred percent, your own fault.
The boards were still dusty so he cleaned them properly with a towel and water. Then he sat down and started to automatically write out the test for Monday. Who- who would do that? Why would someone want to- set him up like that? Or me, for that matter. Who- who could be that cold… Iruka shivered. Jilted ex-lover? None of mine, that's for certain… most of those relationships ended with 'hey, thanks for breakfast, now, where did you say my pants were?' and even the slightly more stable ones were mostly for fun and convenience.
So… if it's not someone who hates me… Then who was it? Iruka shook his head. It didn't matter. They'd gotten what their goal had been, right? So I played into someone's hands.
Wonderful. Both used and outmaneuvered in the same week.
Sasuke, meanwhile, fairly content with his 'good deed' wandered off to get food. Naruto had managed to get some kind of cold, and while he could probably use chicken soup, it'd be easier to get him to eat chicken ramen.
~*~*~*~
It really, really hurt. Like being stabbed in the back. And, unfortunately, Kakashi HAD been stabbed the back (just once) so he meant it when he said this.
He was lying on a rooftop, on the tile, on his stomach in the sun. The sun kept his back warm, but the tile was frigid, like ice on his belly, and that's what he wanted.
He hadn't meant to let his Ruru-kun stew this long but- jeez, Naruto would have picked this week to try out some new trick and nearly flood a farm, wouldn't he? Kakashi had been lucky to curl up somewhere bug free after that, and when he'd woken up-
The Heiwa had worn off in damn SPADES. He could feel (and see) the spinning chakra snarling through him and had done the only thing he could think of (because jerking off would have HURT, he just KNEW it) which was to re-cast.
It hurt so much, it was ebbing a little now but Kakashi was very, very aware of what he was doing to himself. And he didn't know where Iruka WAS…. He wasn't at home, in the building Kakashi was laying on the roof of, and while he might be elsewhere Kakashi didn't feel like he could make it if he choose wrong and he didn't want to have to be beaten away from wandering livestock and/or household pets.
Damn Saturdays, and their lack of school… The man had been teaching, he was sure of that, the students had been complaining in the streets about how quiet Iruka-sensei was- but- HELL…
I need to find him before my first instinct is raw primal humping instead of me explaining, quickly, that I was just really mad about him not trusting me enough to ask ME for a reason to DO something like that. Then I could have explained that I DIDN'T DO IT.
This long and complicated thought was shortened into: I need to find him.
Unfortunately, Iruka didn't seem to be too keen on appearing magically. Damn. I need to find him.
There was a bubble in the chakra flow that almost made him wheeze and he forced it down, recasting. I amend that. I need to find him NOW.
He stood up, shakily. The small of his back ached and he could feel himself bruising where the chakra flowed. Most of it was stomach and legs, true, but there were more sensitive areas involved as per the nature of the jutsu. Behold, the great copy-nin, wobbling about as if drunk. Mm… a drink… that'd be good…
It felt, bad. Great, I've moved on past jutsu abuse to possible chakra poisoning… He tried, hesitantly, to perform a small fire-starting jutsu and got a nearly purple spark. Oookay, not possible…definitely given myself chakra poisoning.
You see, too much energy was caught up in the swirling chakra already in him. It also occasionally occurs when one holds a henge for too long, everything is caught up in that rhythm and everything is tossed out of whack because of it. You become incapable of casting anything but what the chakra is already twisted into. With henge, dispelling it and taking a quick nap is a good enough solution.
Kakashi grimaced to himself and started towards the hospital. He'd never actually done this to himself before, and since he rather arrogantly never thought he would, had no idea how to go about fixing himself. Well, it wasn't totally arrogance. I did think I had enough sense to not- gaah, this is not the time to think about too much more than walking. Nenani is going to spend another ten years laughing at me.
He walked rather solidly into Sakura, whom was reading a book.
"Oh, Sensei-"
He was out of it, but he did note with some amusement that whatever she was reading had some rather, interesting illustrations to it that most certainly didn't seem to be about 'The history of Konoha'. So she'd considered his advice and gone a different route. Good girl. "Yo."
She looked at him a second. "Are you alright, sensei?"
"Actually, I'm admitting myself to the hospital." He paused a moment. "Do you still want those journals?"
"The ones you filled up?" Sakura asked, blinking. "Yes, please."
"You can have all of them, if you can get Iruka to go to the hospital to see me. Lie, beg, whatever. Tell him Naruto died if you have too."
Sakura blinked. "What- no wait. Never mind. I'll see what I can do…. Deal."
Good girl. Kakashi nodded and kept walking.
Sakura debated for a moment then turned on her heel and started briskly off, tucking her book away. One did not turn down free notes, particularly not good free notes. Now, first off, logically, where would Iruka be around noon on a Saturday…
And how to get him to go to the hospital…
Well, considering Naruto’s morning behavior, she knew the first part…
Iruka whimpered, softly, purring against the other’s body in a kind of false despair. His captor was warm, firm, and perfectly convincing until the moment their lips met, crushing together. Iruka blinked-
"You're a clone!"
The false Kakashi grinned. "Yep- this is the part where I leave then-"
"Oh, hell I thought I had found the real one." Iruka said, suddenly pissed. "Now I have to keep looking. Glad I waited till we kissed before I just stopped."
The Kakashi blinked. "Are you-" He stepped back a little.
"Also a clone."
"Ah." The Kakashi scratched his head. "You're very real. How does he know how he tastes?"
The Iruka grinned broadly. "Wouldn't Kakashi like to know? Damn… Now I have to look for him. Don't suppose you'd point me in the right direction?"
"Would you tell me where Iruka's been hiding?"
"Not a chance in hell." The Iruka grinned. "Guess I have to keep looking. Damn. I'm only going to last another few hours."
"Yeah. Same here. Stupid fight, isn't it?"
"Oh. They’re going to end up boffing to make up for it anyway. And meanwhile, we suffer."
"The tragic life of a clone." The Kakashi rolled its eyes, smiling. "Sooo... How's your existence been so far?"
"Alright, I suppose. Better than when he used me during his teenage years." The Iruka relaxed, leaning against a tree. "There was this one time- heh- I better not say."
The Kakashi nodded. "Mm, I have my own stories, but you're right, better not share."
"So."
"So. I should go, you know, find you...” The Kakashi scratched his head again. There was a long, awkward silence as neither one moved.
A cricket chirped.
"So."
"Yeah."
More silence.
"Oh, fuck it; I only have two hours to live anyway- wanna fool around?"
"Oh god I thought you'd never ask-"
And then there was a tangle, and the Iruka was pressed back against the tree enjoying the Kakashi’s non-taste. There was a pause in their contact and with a cheeky as hell grin- "Be gentle, I'd hate to bamph out on you-"
The Kakashi grinned. "I'll treat you fragilely- I promise."
The Iruka sniggered and pulled away enough to strip out of his vest and shirt.
"Don't I get to undress you?"
"Thought we were in a hurry?" The Iruka said reasonably, then stopped as a warm, wet mouth connected with a nipple before his shirt was off. "Ooh- okay shutting up-"
"Geh- you taste perfect- does he sit around and lick himself?"
"Not- ah- exactly?" The Iruka got the shirt off and jerked up on the Kakashi’s collar. "Just to make sure, you're a complete clone, right? Have all your parts?" Hips were pressed to hips, grinding. "Hey- I had to ask- Mm- flattering himself a little there?"
"Your gain-" The Kakashi nipped at his toys now bare neck, flicking his tongue around the edge of his ear. "Top or bottom?"
"Don't care-lift your arms, dammit!" The Iruka was yanking irately at the Kakashi’s shirt, once the arms were up it was off and tossed to the side. "Nice of him to include nipples-"
"Some sort of don't do thing by halves motto- " His fingers tangled in the Iruka’s hair, pulling the head back and violently stealing a kiss. It didn't break for a while either, not even when the Iruka tweaked one of those ‘gift’ nipples, or even when the Iruka’s hands forced themselves down the back of the Kakashi’s pants to squeeze the firm rump underneath. However, when the hands shifted a little, fingers going lower searching for entrance, the Kakashi pulled back. "Ah- doesn't this work- guh- better without pants?"
The Iruka grinned and pushed, finger forcing in even as the Kakashi’s hips came forward against his, hard and needy. "Then loose the pants! Now!"
The pants were lost. Or, at the very least, moved away. And that's when they had clone sex problem number one, which was a simple matter of mechanics. Or rather, a matter of plumbing.
To put it bluntly, the Kakashi was missing that one, vital part that made bottoming worth it.
"Lazy fucking bastard! How many times have I died in fights- and he cheaps-out on a prostate! FUCK!"
(This is, if you care, the exclamation that the real Kakashi heard that got his attention. He felt that he had a clone there, so he went to look.)
The Iruka laughed and kissed at him until he shut up. "It's okay, I'll bottom; I'm well made."
The Kakashi muttered something about lazy porn-reading bastards and pushed the Iruka against a tree. "Fine!"
"Oh, don't sound so broken up about it-" The Iruka groped him soundly, and the Kakashi moaned. "See? That part works."
Kakashi (the real one) who was sitting in a tree now, felt his jaw drop. His mouth instantly filled with blood from what felt like a brain hemorrhage and if his mask hadn't dampened the hydraulic flow he may have very well shot into orbit.
There was a tumble, a slightly uncoordinated tumble of limps that the clones made gentle to prevent poofing. The Iruka was on his back, keeping his hands busy by stuffing them down the front of the Kakashi’s pants and doing-
Well, the real Kakashi couldn't quite tell but he was still too stunned to talk in anything that resembled sentences. In fact, his mental process is going about like this- 'gah, guu boo- Urgh- Ah but- wh- urgh!'
The Kakashi moaned again, pulling away and jerking the Iruka’s pants down, roughly. The prone figure squirmed, laughing. The laugh was bell like, clear-
And it was Iruka’s. Kakashi blinked and shuddered, mouth suddenly very dry. It was like watching a play. A play where the actors were made up, but weren't in character. They had the voices, the noises, the motions, everything, perfect but not quite the same-
God it was live action porn, who the hell was he kidding? He should have put more chakra into his clones, if this one wasn't noticing him here in the tree hyper ventilating and trying not to stuff a hand down his own pants but- Fuck- he was throbbing now, a knot of hard tight flesh turning into a rod under the slender band of cloth his too-short-shirt was subjecting him to.
It was Iruka’s shirt- a sudden sharp inhale and he realized he could smell Iruka on it, or at least whatever the hell soap he used- probably bought in bulk, maybe a scent his mother had used to use- whatever- dammit- the shirt was too tight now, it felt warm - hot even - except that sliver.
The Kakashi on the ground had shifted, what ever he was doing to the Iruka’s cock with his tongue had the thing squirming and yowling.
Oh, fuck- yeah, that makes it better. I get to hear a spot on of Iruka voice going 'oh, god, it feels so good' FUCK FUCK- He felt his own member twitch, straining against the tough material of his pant. He shifted and it nearly chafed. Oh god- do I even have any boxers anymore? I could steal- oh- hell now I'm REALLY thinking about what's in his boxers, aren’t I? Ah-
And he was too- he was suddenly elsewhere, with Iruka on his lap wearing only soon-to-be-gone boxers as Kakashi’s pale hand slide in and gripped him, once firmly to get his attention and then loosening. Let's see, what next-
The Iruka on the ground squealed suddenly back arching. The Kakashi’s head was up, so one must assume fingers were involved.
"Just making sure you really had it." The Kakashi growled.
The Iruka couldn't talk, just tried too, ending up with a moaning babble gushing out of him like hot honey.
Oh yeah- fingers were next- Kakashi realized, not noticing that he had crept his hand up his shirt- rubbed he cool strip of belly- until his whole stomach spasmed. Oh fuck, I can't breathe- He slunk deeper in to the shadows, higher in the tree, and jerked his mask down far enough he could clench the material in his teeth and breathe raggedly through his nose. Fingers would be next- yeah- Kakashi had made it to point to note the sensitive spots on Iruka’s lovely organ at all stages of hardness/softness, he'd start by thumbing the tip- and Iruka, depending on his mood would either flush and bite his lip (like a virgin) and arch into it or moan like an emperor's mistress. Either way? Didn't matter.
The Iruka on the ground was taking the harlot road - which was the louder of the two, and primarily responsible for the hard-on Kakashi was breaking down and reaching for. He stopped and stuffed the half glove from his hand into his mouth as well before fighting with the top button- Oh, 'Ruru my love if you rigged my pants so I can't get my dick out I may really have to hurt you- Dammit I could pee this morning! Some sort of erection triggered tra- oh thank god it's just stuck- The zipper was equally stubborn, but it gave way as well- cold- whatever- ah- He exhaled onto his hand, once, twice to kill the chill and then (finally!) he could reach down, grabbing himself. His other hand went to the tree, gripped the bark-Some treacherous, fleeting corner of his brain was suddenly jealous of Sasuke’s brilliant idea to steal a cat- but it was washed away when the Iruka on the ground screamed, gleefully, at being penetrated. Kakashi bit down hard on a groan and squeezed himself, trying to imagine Iruka on him- around him- not very fucking hard with the sound track of the century playing in the background. Oh god, I'm fine for how many years and then that damn- ah- perfect- little- cock-tease shows up and now I'm jerking off in a tree. Great. Wonderful- oh god-
It wasn't a spectacular orgasm, not really, just a release the he belatedly tried not to get on his shoe (he failed and frowned hazily). The clones seemed to have had more fun, and were artfully entangled with each other as they spasmed through their grand finale. Forehead protector knocked loose, he could read their motions into words easily-
The Kakashi- 'Heh. We didn't go poof.'
The Iruka- 'No- but there's not much left- I feel weak.'
The Kakashi- 'Yeah- I'll stay till you go, okay?"
The Iruka- 'Same here.'
Kakashi felt like gagging, and mentally SWORE to never be that cute in public without some sort of criminal intent to hurt those around him. But then again, it'd probably melt the hell out of Iruka… And a melty-Iruka was easier to deal with than the spiky, pissy hellion the Uchiha brat had unleashed upon him… Ah yes… Sasuke.. must kill..
He stuffed himself back into his pants, zipper up- caught himself in his zipper, mentally cursed, did it right, put his glove on, pulled his mask up, and left the two damn love birds to dissipate together.
It was Sunday evening.
~*~*~*~
By Monday evening Kakashi had to sit down, take a deep breath, and slide into a state of semi-meditation to figure out how to win. Just looking for Iruka… Had failed…. Abysmally… The man had gotten damn good at clones, they even tasted right now, and using Sharingan to spot them before they were in his lap, cooing and purring, (Iruka was going to SCREAM for this) was going to drive him insane, out of his head bonkers. I haven't slept since Thursday night, dammit! Not more than a few hours Saturday, at the least. I'm tiiiiired! He kept his complaints to himself though, it was very un-shinobi like to complain about mere sleep-deprivation.. That's different though. Sleep deprivation on a mission is one thing, this is fucking STUPID. I'm going to drive myself insane!
Not that Iruka wasn't going to do that anyway. Kakashi wasn't sure how the man had done it, but after attempting to sleep Saturday night he'd found out that those shirts, those damn short shirts, that Pakkun hadn't noticed, had been dipped in… something. Every fucking mosquito that had survived the cold came out for a piece of him. Pure luck and skill had prevented them from getting though but one can't SLEEP when one is fending off attack after attack of minute vampires.
And earlier today- Guuh-
He'd sent out clones of his own. He'd TRIED….. But an Iruka clone had slide through, all apologies and dopey-eyes and good god but he'd smelled just, mmm-
Between that warm, purring little thing bamphing on him, and the smut fest he'd wandered onto (but not away from) yesterday- and the lack of sleep- Kakashi was a wad of nerves. An irate ball of nerves.
I can't believe I can't find him. I suppose if I summoned enough dogs one of them would find him eventually, but- hell- his clones have the right scent, too, and by now he's got trails crisscrossed around the village like lace. Kakashi growled and sighed in the same breath. And I'm still pink- the fuck is this stuff?
Dammit, Kakashi, calm down- breath- He sucked in a breath through clenched teeth and exhaled, repeated it. Alright. Stop thinking like a lovers quarrel… Treat it like a real fight. What would you do if you were this out maneuvered in a real fight?
There was a paused from his internal voice.
Besides ramming a few chidori up your opponent’s ass.
Kakashi brooded a moment. It's all a mind game- dammit, you can't kick a mind game… So I need to step back and think- think- what buttons do I know he has?
Hmmph… I could arrange for Naruto and Sasuke to get caught. That kind of trauma might send him reeling enough to come to me- I think he'd come to me- but I'm not actually mad at the blonde brat… And I doubt Iruka would have quite the same lackadaisical opinion about two fourteen year olds going at it.
I suppose I could trap them, try to make sure Naruto is out of it, let Sasuke get yelled at, and then prompt the twerp to ask Iruka about the teachers lounge…
Hmm. But that might lead to Naruto and The-Soon-to-be-Former-Last-Uchiha knowing about the more recent table shaking… And that's just none of their business.. Besides, if I got caught I'd be in more trouble… Shaaa... way to go Copy-nin, you had to pick the emotionally unstable, insecure one, didn't you? Oh well. Calling a ninja stable is usually, at best, a gross misunderstanding.
Hrmm. Kakashi’s brows knit together then relaxed a little. Well, that might work.. He thought, appraising an idea that flitted by. Hmmm… He started to reject it, labeling it cruel, but then a strand of his hair fell in his place, nearly neon pink, and he thought about that bed-full of itching powder….
And suddenly his plan didn't seem quite so cruel…
There was one catch though… he pursed his lips and meditated on his options there.
Iruka was sensitive, yes, but he was also quite perceptive. If Kakashi was going to ignore the hell out of him, it had to be all the way. He couldn't have any sort of flux, Iruka couldn't see him rising to any sort of bait…
In short, he was going to have to act like he was dealing with Naruto in brat mode... Except Naruto in brat mode was easy to side step… Iruka was both more skilled, and, well….
In spite of his other perversities, Naruto pouting had never made Kakashi want to nail the boy to the nearest stable object. Repeatedly…. And if he randomly grabbed Iruka to nail him to a wall, for starters it would probably be a clone, and secondly, Iruka would know 'Operation get the hell under Kakashi’s skin and stay there' had worked.
Mmm. I'll have to make it up to you after, Ruru, but for now, I have to be bored with you. Kakashi sighed and brought his hands up. I hope you break down before I do… I'd hate to have my balls actually pop…
"Heiwa no jutsu-" He breathed the words out, felt it sink in. Not that's he'd been horny at the moment, but it worked better and lasted longer for multiple castings if it wasn't trying to quash an existent hard-on. He then buried his nose into his book (now about dirt… He didn't think reading anything sexy would be good right now… At least it was interesting dirt) and walked back to town. (As an after thought he cast a quick illusionary jutsu to hide the pink. Sure, some people would see through it, but it was a little better.)
~*~*~*~
Sasuke was an ass. Sasuke was a prick. Someday, hopefully soon, Sasuke was going to be beaten to a bloody pulp by Naruto’s fists and feet.
But right now- Naruto could do very little more than squirm. When the hell did an antisocial bastard like Sasuke learn to rub backs and shoulders? The sex made a little sense, there was a lot to be said for fantasies, but who sat around and went 'Mm.. I wanna rub that back!'
Okay, maybe some people did but they were being kinky so it went back to the sex thing. Either way Sasuke had fingers that felt like iron, jabbing away aches and pains and stiffness viciously. Hell, he hadn't even known his shoulders were tense, thought it made sense, right? I guess being high energy has its drawbacks.
Sasuke, meanwhile, wasn't sure what had possessed him to flip Naruto over roughly, bark out an order for him to lay still (he hadn't, but with Sasuke sitting on his back it was hard to fight back quickly enough) and start kneading at his shoulders. Once assured he wasn't going to be taken violently, Naruto had gone boneless.
If you'd asked Sasuke what his logic was, he'd have shrugged. It wasn't about power, he'd found out fast that a pinned Naruto could spastically bend in flat-out inhuman ways to kick you in the kidneys, sitting on him was not enough to hold him down- Not without rope, liberal use of blunt objects and a few nerve pinches. So it couldn't be about power.
Sasuke didn't know what it was about, and it didn't take a lot not to think about it. Poking a boneless Naruto to hear different noises was more entertaining anyway. Sasuke moved to abuse the spine and considered, carefully, how to avoid being killed. He'd underestimated just how mad Iruka would get…. But then again, nothing Sasuke had ever done would have given him any idea of Iruka mad. He'd seen Naruto get yelled at, sure, but without having been the subject of the usually mild teacher’s wrath he'd had no idea how intensely mad he could get.
But judging by the fact Kakashi was using some sort of masking jutsu and looked, just a tiny bit haunted…. Sasuke flicked his finger across the top of Naruto's ear, shifting and sitting across the blonde's legs. I've heard wave county in nice this time of year… Is that a good enough reason to go missing-nin? 'I've pissed off my teacher and have chosen life over honor?'
On the other hand……… Sasuke's' mind purred and rumbled in his head like an engine. There might be a way to soften the blow of retribution… Damn… He hated to admit it, but he'd screwed up his first prank… He'd somehow overdone it; damn, dobe made it look easy. Has to be a way, dammit. He rubbed circles into the small of Naruto’s back, pushing down hard enough to hear the spine popping. He could feel it popping through his hands, too, and smiled faintly.
Naruto muttered something, and Sasuke pulled his hair up until he could understand it. "Feels nice." Naruto mumbled it out again. "Teach me?"
"Meh. Later." Sasuke said, thinking… Obviously, telling Iruka that it was him was, ah, out of it. Sure, the man would rush off to apologize, he was fairly sure, but he was equally sure that there would be at least a few automatic muscle reflexes that would involve Sasuke getting hit. Was there a chance Sasuke could dodge? Maybe. But any man that could drill Naruto in the forehead at fifty feet with a chalkboard eraser without looking would, at the very least, make Sasuke look like total fool while running away.
Besides, fighting in Konoha got attention fast. Sasuke might believe he was capable of dealing with Iruka, but, the fact that at any given time there were at least ten other chuunin and one to five jounin within earshot meant that fights had to be over fast. Sure, no one ever interfered with someone chasing Naruto, but, Naruto was special. Naruto has his own little bubble, a sphere of effect on his surroundings. How Naruto was dealt with did not count. Everyone knew he wouldn't hurt Iruka. However, if people walked out and saw Sasuke and Iruka going at it, they might think insanity was hereditary.
Sasuke pushed his fingers through the mess blond hair (it was mop-ish right now, not spiky) and rubbed at the scalp. He dragged his fingers back down Naruto's back, plying muscles down the spine again until he got to the edge of Naruto's underwear.
An unavoidable side effect of sleeping with someone is knowing more about them, even if it's only a little. In Sasuke's case, he knew that Naruto had two orange jumpsuits that he traded off on, washing them himself, and that everything else (everything not standard issue) was mismatched. Either from donations to orphan funds or him hitting good-will stores, he had more multicolored shirts than Sasuke could shake his fist at, same for ugly, random boxers, extra pants, and a deep purple jacket. He'd had to ask about the jacket, and Naruto had shrugged and kicked his radiator.
"Heater doesn't always work, you know?" Naruto had said, shrugging. "Cheap landlord."
Sasuke tickled the small of his back lightly and Naruto squirmed.
Had to be a way.
Had to.
~*~*~*~
Heiwa works in circular chakra patterns. When it's activated, energy is drained from your libido and channeled into paths that circles your lower belly and upper thighs, with its focal point in the small of your back. It lasts until pressure breaks it or it wear off, then the chakra is put back into the system, re-powering the libido to whatever it was before. If it's cast twice, then it will last twice as long, storing twice as much power as it started with. Three times is three times as much.
Continuous casting will eventually cause a sort of chakra ripple. The circling, swirling pattern will gain momentum of it's own, eventually actually pulling in energy from the body. It becomes a whirlpool inside of you, pain focusing on your back. When it gets to this stage it usually takes multiple 'spendings' of energy to release the pressure or the damage, the sheer force, starts to damage cell walls, causing deep tissue bruising.
But, when it's cast when there is little to no energy coiling in your loins, it takes a long time for it to get that momentum. Twice - barely anything is still almost nothing, you see. And Kakashi was discovering that Heiwa didn't feel as much like cold, clammy hands grabbing at you and keeping you calm when you weren't half hard and foaming at the mouth to go in the first place.
So ignoring the Iruka's was easier. Even the one that had found him bathing quickly in the icy cold river water and offered to both soap him up and/or warm him up was utterly ignored.
The disturbing thing was that Iruka seemed to know himself quite well. He'd have to, to make clones that were so, him. The clones were bolder than Iruka had behaved sober, true, but they still acted like him, slightly blushing, a little unsure, a balanced if slightly sly, confused smile. They moved like him…
As soon as this mess was over Kakashi was going to demand Iruka explain how he'd finessed such a simple technique to an art form. And better yet, why had he honed it that well. Okay, so first he was going to do things to the man that were only legal because no one had thought to outlaw them yet, therefore redefining the term depravity, but AFTER that he was going to start asking questions.
He stopped in his day’s meandering to get a drink, earning a starry eyed look from the waitress. Not that she'd even seen more than half his face for more than half a second. It kind of amused him, really; people thought he was a lot better looking than he was when all they saw was a flash. He had the distinct feeling that a lot of people would be disappointed with his face; overly narrow with pale lips that blended into his skin most of the time. (This is his opinion of himself… I think you're hot, Kakashi-sensei!) He spun in his seat at the counter, leaning back lazily and flipping his book open, turning the pages with his thumb. Doubly disappointed now… He thought, shifting his jaw a little and feeling the cloth of the mask catch on the stubble. He'd never been a very hairy person, but there were a few determined hairs that would try to grow slowly and after this many days (dear god was it really Wednesday?) he probably had almost enough to be visible.
Kurenai walked by, looking annoyingly well laid. Normally he'd be happy for her, at the very least glad that she and Asuma had finally jumped each other, if only to get the annoying sexual tension out of the way. But this was not a normal day. The last thing he needed today was to deal with a well laid woman purring with afterglow without the ability to tug Iruka into his lap to gloat back.
Oh hell, she would stop, Kakashi thought. "Yo." He flicked a hand lazily as she sat next to him, all smiles and hormones. Bitch... Go away.
"Heey." She grinned, obviously looking for some excuse to gloat, to brag, and to share… "How are you?"
"It's about time." He said without looking up.
"Huh?"
"You. Asuma." He waved his hand again and continued to peruse his book about earthworms. He'd finished the one on dirt and worms seemed logical enough. "Congratulations and so forth."
"Oh-" She blushed. "Does everyone know?"
"No one looks that smug normally, and Asuma is all but strutting." Kakashi said.
"Ah." She paused. "And how's Iruka?"
Kakashi shrugged. "Not sure. Haven't seen him in a few days." Honest enough reply.
"Ah… You know Gai spent a few days last week running around and asking about you two, right?"
Kakashi didn't answer. She was now prying and he was far more concerned with the proper way to chop up flatworms. Kurenai got a cup of hot tea and sipped at it, looking at the sky. It was a smooth, steely gray, but very clear. It looked like it might start to snow, but it was still early for that so Kakashi was thinking there night be slush and icy rain. .
Kakashi really hoped it didn't. He was currently sleeping (or trying too; what the hell doom-bugs still stung this time of year?) in a tree and rain would be, unwelcome. Unwelcome like IRS auditors, Jehovah witnesses, and the creepy in-laws that leave weird stains on your sofa…. He wondered if Kurenai had seen Iruka lately and decided he was no so desperate as to ask. Kurenai was all right, but she talked to Anko, and Anko was the human equivalent of a billboard. He'd gotten more looks in the last few days (including pre-pinkness)- and he was positive that it was her fault. Sure, Gai had run around asking questions, but most of the people in town were too dull to engage in truly entertaining gossip in such a flamboyant way.
Kakashi was also rather sure that the only reason Iruka hadn't noticed (he'd have know if Iruka noticed, he'd have been notified with the scream of ultimate suffering echoing off the hillsides) was that Iruka was enjoying doing things like flustering Kakashi and turning him pink to care. Kakashi sighed quietly, turning another page. Worms are boring. Kurenai stood, leaving with a goodbye, and got a slight nod in agreement.
Less than five minutes later he glanced up to see Iruka- no, a clone, slide in next to him. The clone gave him a sideways glance and a soft smile and got a large cup of tea. "Cute."
"Hmm?"
"You're tossing up an illusion, right? Over the pink?"
Kakashi just ignored it. Because it is an It, after all. And I don't want a duplicate anyway. Huh. Clones were less temping when one thought with the larger of ones heads.
"The quiet game's cute too. You're good at it." The Iruka offered, almost like tossing a bone. "Are you going to surrender?"
"Surrender what?"
"The battle, of course."
Kakashi sighed and thought carefully. Wording here was important… he didn't want to come across as mad, or irate, just really, really cold. "Is this a battle?" He didn't sound like he cared.
"If it is, you're loosing." The clone said, grinning cheekily. Iruka seemed to make them a little more smart-ass than himself, maybe it was just they didn't have that sense of mortality. Or maybe they had a stronger sense of it, dying as often as clones do. Kakashi decided he didn't care. The clone leaning in towards him suddenly, boldly. "Or do you have a master plan?" The clone was hovering near Kakashi’s ear, the false body heat it put out warmed the breath that teased exposed skin.
There was a moment of silence where Kakashi planned his words, and the justification he would later have to use for them.. "Listen-"
The clone nodded. "I'm listening-"
There was a sudden rush. The clone didn't see Kakashi’s hand move but he felt the sudden squeezing of his throat. It whimpered as fingers dug in, and Kakashi blinked.
He makes them capable of pain as well as pleasure. How… strange of him.
"I'm bored with this." Kakashi said, looking at the book in his other hand. And he was, if you took into account he was defining 'this' as a continual ache of Heiwa combined with his need to pummel into a certain teacher combined with the fact he couldn't, at the moment, find said teacher to pummel. "It was interesting at first," And it had been, but he was defining 'first' here as the moment he'd gone to Iruka's classroom to find a desk in the wall. "But if you come near me again I'll kill you." His reasoning here was that if a clone could have an orgasm they could damn well die. Okay, that last sentence sounded less cruel in my head- but-
The clone blinked, hands trying to pry Kakashi’s fingers off its windpipe as its large, scared eyes looked at him. Kakashi was aware of the clones attempt to find something, some reason, but he didn't bother to look up and acknowledge it. Somehow, even with Heiwa, even knowing it was a clone, he didn't ever want to see what Iruka would look like after being hurt like that.
He let go of the Iruka and slumped back into his casual pose. The Iruka made a soft noise that Kakashi made himself block.
"What- what do you mean-" The Iruka said it in a broken, confused way, voice odd after the stress on his vocal cords. It rubbed at its throat with shaking hands.
"You get to live, for now, long enough to tell Iruka my, terms of surrender." Kakashi said sharply, killing any hope the clone might have of it being some bizarre joke. The clone made what was almost a sobbing noise, and Kakashi had to remind himself the damn thing had gotten laid far more recently than him and was therefore subject to no degree of sympathy. He took a breath and let his eyes unfocus, then turned his head to look at the fuzzy outline of the clone. As long as he couldn't see it’s eyes, he'd be fine- "Why are you still here?"
The clone squeaked- a strangled, adorable noise that made Kakashi want to comfort it, even if it was a damn fake, and left in a hurry of smoke and badly concealed footsteps. Kakashi took a deep breath and slumped. That had been- hard. He went back to his book, forcing himself to look at it as he stood up and shambled down the street. He was quite sure the news hadn't even gotten to Iruka yet and he had a desire to hunt down the clone and kill it before it could talk- then apologize to Iruka for the whole mess.
Except this wasn't his mess, this whole thing wasn't his fault, dammit. In fact….
Revenge is a lovely way to distract yourself, especially from matters like this, and the sort of revenge he was planning on Sasuke had to be sublime. Just beating him up was not an option… Not that he couldn't, but it was frowned upon for personal vendettas. Besides, Naruto might jump in, and while Naruto wasn't the best fighter Kakashi had ever see, the brat had an incredible way of trouncing people who should have been able to dissect him.
That was the other problem; he didn't want his revenge on Sasuke to screw up whatever the hell his two students had anywhere near as much as Sasuke’s joke-thing had ruined Iruka’s day. So there was to be no triggering of a fight between the two of them. They fought enough as it was.
Kakashi decided he'd need to get a blank scroll and plan this out properly. Couldn't let Sasuke get away with any bit of comfort during the process..
~*~*~*~
So this is what losing feels like. He'd made the clone relay the words back to him several times, not wanting to trust his ears, before letting it go, undoing the jutsu that held it there and staring that the smoke like there was supposed to be something bigger there. But there wasn't.
Miscalculation- miscalculation- He kept thinking that word, over and over. Of course it was a miscalculation, thinking that maybe he wasn't just, convenient. People don’t keep pets that bite, after all.
Dammit.
Iruka had to sit now, leaning hard against the trunk of the tree and wishing it would swallow him. What have I done- well, that was an easy question- he'd made a mess of things, hadn't he? It'd been- miscalculation.
He- he knew, had known better than to except some sort of instant connection. No one really falls in love at first sight, after all, but- at the very least- this was-
It was cruel. He was cruel- this whole mess was just too cruel and it was
All
His
Fault.
There wasn't a way around it- he could have just confronted Kakashi that afternoon, yelled at him then, thrown a few dozen large heavy things, and- and-
Then what? What happened after an explosion of rage like that? He'd just- rage- and Kakashi would wait it out (because Kakashi didn't care, he knew that now, so waiting out a pet’s tantrum wasn't as big a deal as seeing someone you loved in pain) and then Iruka would be patted on the head and rubbed on the belly and then Iruka would fold, maybe holding on long enough to extract a promise that Kakashi would not do that particular infringement again.
So, knowing that would happen, he'd put his foot down, or he'd tried too. Iruka realized his hands were shaking a little, he folded them together for stability and covered his face with them. He felt ill, nearly- and very lost.
He tried, very hard, to deny to himself that he was hurt. Hey, this was the logic that worked as teen, right? It was fun, now it's over- Hey. It worked on Inaga, right?
Of course, he'd met Inaga right after a really screwed up mission after stumbling into a club. She'd been one of the dancers on the stage. Yes, the type with the poles.
Iruka shook his head. He didn't need to think about his crappy dating resume right now- he wanted to- not think. He wanted his brain to shut off so he could stumble home and-
I can't go home, the ropes are still laying on the bed.
It still smells like him there- this SHIRT still smells like him- dammit.
It did, he inhaled sharply and exhaled through his nose. No, he could still smell it, god it made him feel safe, just for a second, but then it was gone. This is not- I don't want this to be happening, but it is, isn't it? It's not some large illusionary jutsu made to screw with me, I'd feel it- oh, my chest hurts.
His chest did hurt, mostly because he was choking on a sob. It took effort, time, and more pain but he crushed it down. Don't be pathetic sensei, how would it look if a student found you crying?
Don't be pathetic.
He straightened up, standing. I'll go- I don't know. I don't want to go there. I can't. He picked up his duffel bag. He'd been re-packing it again and again in a hurry, which was why he had to hold it to his chest. That's what he told himself, at least, squeezing the bulky canvas awkwardly. He made his face settle, carefully.
I won't- I won' t let him think he hurt me, at least not badly. If it was- if I was nothing but a pet to him- I'll pretend that was all I wanted. I can do that. It'll be okay. I can- I'll hold what pride I have left- He knew perfectly well if he thought that egging would help, even a little he'd go do it, throw himself with bulldog determination onto Kakashi’s ankle- but-
Hell, I might go try that publicly but- I don't want to be kicked away- I don't want anyone to pity me- and I don't want them mad at him.
It'd not like I was really in love with him, right? Right? It was just- good sex- and- he's attractive- I just. He knew he was lying to himself blatantly. I wanted him because I couldn't have him, then there he was, and I could and- It was intense, not love. Not-
Who the hell am I kidding? Iruka squeezed the bag tighter, feeling he edge of something dig into his arm. If I'd fallen any faster my ears would have popped from the air pressure change. I want him. I need him, and now-
"If I see you again, I'll kill you."
Iruka shivered. He'd made the clone say that at least six times- but- god. When Kakashi broke it off with someone he had a rather blunt method, didn't he? About as blunt as his invitation to share his bed, really. "You have one minute to stay or go-"
Iruka was glad- suddenly, that he hadn't heard Kakashi say what he'd said to the clone. Hearing it second hand had hurt, but if he'd been, sitting there- he'd have probably really started to cry. Cry and beg and generally make a fool of himself.
You know, a bigger fool than just falling for someone to whom you were a masturbation aide.
Iruka felt bile rise in the back of his throat again and swallowed it. God he's good though- I was- I thought he- maybe a little- but-
"Each other."
Just- that- it was, so- perfect- dammit- of course he'd know the proper romantic drivel an idiot like me would swallow- Iruka shuddered. I've been played flawlessly, everything- the ice cream- just- his face-
I'm never going to see his face again.
Ever.
Iruka walked faster, wondering where the hell he even thought he was going. Currently? Aimless. No, not aimless, north by northwest. Heading back towards Konoha.
I guess I can't really stay in the woods forever.
Well, I could if I hung myself- but- Iruka stiffened, teeth gritting and after a long moment he'd beaten thoughts like that out of his head. Don't be an idiot. It was just an (fantastic, mind blowing, warm gentle tender playful fun and sexy) affair.
Stupid parenthetical thoughts. Iruka felt angry, then sick again, then back to soul sucking (another thing he'd see little of) despair. That made him feel sick again. It all spun around in his head until everything was one, wondrously nauseating pattern dancing in his skull. He had to stop again.
I'm not stopping- I'm just winded. That's all. I'll start moving again soon.
One foot, in front of, the other.
I can do that. I can.
I can. Really. I can lie to myself about it. It's worked before. Next step, don't trip, how would it look if a shinobi instructor tripped over his own feet because his boyfriend (why the FUCK did he use that word?) dumped him like a goldfish down the drain. Because heavens forbid that teachers have problems too-
Iruka kept walking doggedly, until he made it to his classroom. Not, as MUCH had happened there, if he stayed away from his desk-
Iruka sat in a student's chair, in the back and slowly started to dig out the paperwork he'd lugged around with him. He had to finish- finish grading these things-
And class, for your next assignment, please, rip out your hearts in accordance with the diagram on page 165… Yeah, very good, now you know how I feel. Good luck popping it back in place.
He managed, somehow, to work for over three hours. His notes were the same as always, if he was pressing down a little hard on his pen, well then.
His finished the last one, the last damn sheet, and put them away. Methodically, carefully, alphabetically.
And then he sat there for the next five hours in what most would consider a catatonic state. His hands were laced on the desk, he was sitting up straight, eyes ahead if glazed, feet crossed at the ankles..
And all he could hear was the tick of the clock. Again and again. Tick tock. Stupid clock.
He didn't know he'd been crying until the salt crept into his mouth. It made him swallow, which was hard around the lump lodged there. His stomach was hurting him again, now, but he didn't move. Didn't even bother to wipe the tears. Just blinked, occasionally, as instinct dictated.
If I sit here… Until class starts… then, I won't see anything else that looks like him. He won’t come here, he'd never done it before and with- there's just no reason now, right?
He doesn't care enough to kick me when I'm down. That's something good about being dirt, I suppose.
No one bothers to kick dirt.
I hope I run out of tears by then.
~*~*~*~
Picture, if you will, a few bunnies on a land mine…
Now let the bunnies explode.
Fell better yet?
No?
Damn…. The publicist (namely my Morpheus toy) said people love watching bunnies explode….
Ah well, on with the story…
Thanks to the extreme cost of land mines, bunnies and the permits to combine them, I have been selling myself on the street to get my laptop out of hock. As such, two days have passed in the story.
~*~*~*~
It is now Friday.
Please, PLEASE let him be buying this. Sasuke thought to himself, attempting to look as innocent as possible in his Konohamaru form. He'd paid the twerp off to say away for a few hours, and was now standing in front of Iruka’s desk. Please please please please- I would have done this sooner but stupid Naruto and- those- damn trout!
Iruka looked confused. "What?"
Well, that's better than doubtful. "The book's different today. The one Kakashi-sensei had, last Monday? It's a different book today."
"It is?"
"Well, sort of. It was, the thing on the back?" Sasuke went to the board and drew an awkward picture of Icha Icha Paradise. It was awkward, because he was unsure of Konohamaru’s drawing skills. Personally, he could have done better…. "This was what he had Monday. But today- " He redrew it a little more carefully.
Iruka blinked. It was a mirror. One of the most common mistakes made in simple transformations.
"I just thought it was important." Sasuke said carefully, watching Iruka’s face. He looked like he'd been hit on the head repeatedly. That was good, right? "Have a nice weekend, Iruka sensei-" and he got the HELL out of there. Not that he'd actually made that mistake with his henge, but, whatever. Hopefully that'll help clear up that mess… I'd like to live to see fifteen…
Inside, Iruka was still staring at the board. His head hurt, and he felt sick again. I'd dump me too. Oh fuck. He erased the board slowly, then started to erase the days lecture. Congratulations, it is now truly, one hundred percent, your own fault.
The boards were still dusty so he cleaned them properly with a towel and water. Then he sat down and started to automatically write out the test for Monday. Who- who would do that? Why would someone want to- set him up like that? Or me, for that matter. Who- who could be that cold… Iruka shivered. Jilted ex-lover? None of mine, that's for certain… most of those relationships ended with 'hey, thanks for breakfast, now, where did you say my pants were?' and even the slightly more stable ones were mostly for fun and convenience.
So… if it's not someone who hates me… Then who was it? Iruka shook his head. It didn't matter. They'd gotten what their goal had been, right? So I played into someone's hands.
Wonderful. Both used and outmaneuvered in the same week.
Sasuke, meanwhile, fairly content with his 'good deed' wandered off to get food. Naruto had managed to get some kind of cold, and while he could probably use chicken soup, it'd be easier to get him to eat chicken ramen.
~*~*~*~
It really, really hurt. Like being stabbed in the back. And, unfortunately, Kakashi HAD been stabbed the back (just once) so he meant it when he said this.
He was lying on a rooftop, on the tile, on his stomach in the sun. The sun kept his back warm, but the tile was frigid, like ice on his belly, and that's what he wanted.
He hadn't meant to let his Ruru-kun stew this long but- jeez, Naruto would have picked this week to try out some new trick and nearly flood a farm, wouldn't he? Kakashi had been lucky to curl up somewhere bug free after that, and when he'd woken up-
The Heiwa had worn off in damn SPADES. He could feel (and see) the spinning chakra snarling through him and had done the only thing he could think of (because jerking off would have HURT, he just KNEW it) which was to re-cast.
It hurt so much, it was ebbing a little now but Kakashi was very, very aware of what he was doing to himself. And he didn't know where Iruka WAS…. He wasn't at home, in the building Kakashi was laying on the roof of, and while he might be elsewhere Kakashi didn't feel like he could make it if he choose wrong and he didn't want to have to be beaten away from wandering livestock and/or household pets.
Damn Saturdays, and their lack of school… The man had been teaching, he was sure of that, the students had been complaining in the streets about how quiet Iruka-sensei was- but- HELL…
I need to find him before my first instinct is raw primal humping instead of me explaining, quickly, that I was just really mad about him not trusting me enough to ask ME for a reason to DO something like that. Then I could have explained that I DIDN'T DO IT.
This long and complicated thought was shortened into: I need to find him.
Unfortunately, Iruka didn't seem to be too keen on appearing magically. Damn. I need to find him.
There was a bubble in the chakra flow that almost made him wheeze and he forced it down, recasting. I amend that. I need to find him NOW.
He stood up, shakily. The small of his back ached and he could feel himself bruising where the chakra flowed. Most of it was stomach and legs, true, but there were more sensitive areas involved as per the nature of the jutsu. Behold, the great copy-nin, wobbling about as if drunk. Mm… a drink… that'd be good…
It felt, bad. Great, I've moved on past jutsu abuse to possible chakra poisoning… He tried, hesitantly, to perform a small fire-starting jutsu and got a nearly purple spark. Oookay, not possible…definitely given myself chakra poisoning.
You see, too much energy was caught up in the swirling chakra already in him. It also occasionally occurs when one holds a henge for too long, everything is caught up in that rhythm and everything is tossed out of whack because of it. You become incapable of casting anything but what the chakra is already twisted into. With henge, dispelling it and taking a quick nap is a good enough solution.
Kakashi grimaced to himself and started towards the hospital. He'd never actually done this to himself before, and since he rather arrogantly never thought he would, had no idea how to go about fixing himself. Well, it wasn't totally arrogance. I did think I had enough sense to not- gaah, this is not the time to think about too much more than walking. Nenani is going to spend another ten years laughing at me.
He walked rather solidly into Sakura, whom was reading a book.
"Oh, Sensei-"
He was out of it, but he did note with some amusement that whatever she was reading had some rather, interesting illustrations to it that most certainly didn't seem to be about 'The history of Konoha'. So she'd considered his advice and gone a different route. Good girl. "Yo."
She looked at him a second. "Are you alright, sensei?"
"Actually, I'm admitting myself to the hospital." He paused a moment. "Do you still want those journals?"
"The ones you filled up?" Sakura asked, blinking. "Yes, please."
"You can have all of them, if you can get Iruka to go to the hospital to see me. Lie, beg, whatever. Tell him Naruto died if you have too."
Sakura blinked. "What- no wait. Never mind. I'll see what I can do…. Deal."
Good girl. Kakashi nodded and kept walking.
Sakura debated for a moment then turned on her heel and started briskly off, tucking her book away. One did not turn down free notes, particularly not good free notes. Now, first off, logically, where would Iruka be around noon on a Saturday…
And how to get him to go to the hospital…
Well, considering Naruto’s morning behavior, she knew the first part…