Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Side Effects: heiwa no Jutsu ❯ Stupidest Genius I Know. ( Chapter 15 )

 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: The Stupidest Genius I Know

It was like tossing things into a bottomless pit. Only slightly more amusing because pits usually don't have to stop and gasp for breath, and more rewarding because pits never, never threw their arms around your waist and yelled thank you before demanding another bowl.

"Alright- alright! Fine! I thought you were sick, how can you still eat so much?"

"Aww, Iruka-sensei- don't you know you're suppose to feed a fever?" Naruto grinned back enthusiastically as a new bowl was presented, then whipped his head around to sneeze into a tie-dyed handkerchief that was soon to be demoted to snot-rag.

Iruka rolled his eyes, glad his mother hen response to Naruto being sick was distracting him from- damn…. It's better than sitting around doing lesson plans… if you try to plan one more thing for next week it'll take them a month to finish!

He was forced to tune back into Naruto's rant, thankfully, when the boy asked a demanding question.

"Hmm?"

"I asked what was wrong with you. You're acting all moony."

"Am I now?"

"Yeah, like you got hurt and don't wanna talk about it. Wanna talk about it?"

Iruka blinked at the slightly contradictory Naruto logic, then smiled. "Not really."

"Oh. Was it a girl? Did a girl you like make fun of you?"

Iruka actually laughed a little at that. "No, No, there was- it was a misunderstanding, is all." He went back to his tea. "I'll be fine, you don't have to worry." It was probably true. Most people don't die of a broken heart.

"Iruka sensei?"

He turned. "Hello Sakura, how are you?"

"I was just out walking and one of the hospital orderlies asked me to find you. I guess there's a problem with something you filed?" She smiled and shrugged.

"Something I filed- but I haven't done any work there for years, I mean. I did a while ago, when I was student teaching as part of the program-"

"I just know they want you to come by as soon as it's convenient for you." Excellent! It's working! Inner Sakura patter herself on the back. Nearly all elementary teachers put in menial task duty to be certified, it was plausible that someone might have a question about an old file.

Iruka sighed. "Alright, who do I go talk too?"

"You know- he didn't tell me his name." Sakura said, looking concerned… Don't lay it on too thick… "I'll have to go with you."

"Alright." Maybe if he'd been less tired, less beaten, less desperate for something to happen to distract him he'd have questioned it, but as it was. Anything that kept him from thinking about his self worth was welcome. (he currently was valuing himself somewhere between dirt and a yen). "Naruto, here I'll pay for the next bowl." Besides, he had no reason to question or not trust Sakura. She was a bright, clever, honest girl and he had no suspicions that she was being heavily bribed to be here.

"Thanks!"

Iruka would never call Naruto a simple creature, but the sheer raw joy the boy got from stupid things like food and small amounts of hard-earned respect were staggering. He fluffed Naruto's hair (Naruto hated it, which was why he did it) and then left, following Sakura.

Act like you know what you're doing. Sakura told herself, walking into the hospital calmly. Now to lean over the counter and see if she could pick Kakashi's name off the list before Iruka smelled a rat and left-

"Room 133." The nurse said as soon as she started to lean over the counter. Sakura blinked and the nurse winked at her. "It's in the east wing. Nenani is waiting there."

Sakura grinned and took off, Iruka following. "Did they say what the problem was?"

"Not really." She responded. Umm, that way looks goodish.. Oh, hey! Sign! Inner Sakura the tour guide pointed proudly. "Just a few questions, or something." Learning the art of reading while walking seemed suddenly good, it must keep your eyes from wandering while you BS'ed…

"Oh." Iruka couldn't think of allot to say to Sakura, she'd known, after all and he didn't know if she knew that- anything about what had happened. He hoped she didn't, pain was meant to be private, like sex and humiliation. He looked around at the walls instead. "This isn't a filing area."

"It's where the nurse said to go though, right?"

"Yes." Iruka said. He'd heard the nurse say it. "This is just a special branch of the hospital though. For Chakra damage."

"Really? Like what?"

"Oh, damage to chakra flow, sapping techniques. The occasional idiot whom manages to misuse something to the point of poisoning themselves." Iruka said, shrugging. It didn't take long to get to room 133.

The woman standing at the door was short, in the way that pit bulls were short. Her hair was dark brown shot with gray, pulled back tight and her eyes were sharp in spite of being divided by a nose that looked like someone had broken it. She was exactly thirty-seven, and had been so for the last six birthdays. "You must be Sakura. Hello Iruka." She eyed him.

Iruka blinked. "Hello Nenani." Nenani was scary, she just was, in the horrid way all doctors had. In that 'turn your head and cough manner' she extruded. It wasn't that she could fight (she couldn't) but she had a way of dominating all things relating to her fields in such a way that most people simple bent from her force.

"Well… I suppose you better get in there then…" She looked at Sakura. "You can go now."

"Alright."

"Why did you want to see me?" Iruka asked as Sakura back up the hall.

Nenani looked him over once, slowly and opened the door. "Go on in."

"But-"

"Now." She said it in the scary calm some people can do. People like serial killers.

Iruka obeyed, starting to peek his head into the room (damn, it was dark in there…) when he felt Nenani's power-slap of encouragement on the small of his back. It stung, felt like she'd had a needle between her fingers. He took the next step or two in a stumble and hit the far wall. Small room. "Nenani what the hell are you-"

Nenani had tossed something at him he'd caught, but what had really shut him up was the loud slam of the door and the sudden pressure pushing him against the wall so hard his feet lifted.

He blinked, adrenaline pumping suddenly and he was reaching for a kunai as fast as he could. Fingers trapped his wrists though, with fast hands and he tried to kick in a rather painful manner before-

The smell hit him and for a second he felt safe and weak in the knees. He went limp and the pressure relaxed. Maybe it relaxed a little too much, Iruka nearly hit the ground except Kakashi managed to sit with him, hurriedly, not giving him enough room to escape.

There was a long moment of silence while Iruka let his eyes adjust. He didn't move, except to blink, and neither did Kakashi. He didn't turn his head off however, and took in the fact Kakashi was barefoot, nin-tool-less (at least the basic kits), and vest less.

"Ruru?" Kakashi said suddenly, very quietly.

Iruka made a noise, impossible to categorize. Hearing that stupid pet name was like a stroke, a caress, a soft kiss on the nape of his neck. "Yes?" I have hit my head very very hard. How clever of me.

"I've made you cry." A calm statement of fact, Iruka felt cool fingers on his face, right under his eyes and didn't turn away. He just nodded. "I- I don't know whether to be proud to know you well enough to have worded it properly or disgusted with myself. I think disgust is right."

"Worded it?"

"What I told your clone." There was a pause, and Kakashi's voice hardened suddenly. "I'm bored. It was interesting. If I see you again, I'll kill you."

Iruka shuts his eyes and tried to move away but Kakashi caught him, pulled him back. "Let go of me!"

"I meant it you know."

"I know you did- now- just- let me go-"

"You don't know."

"I do know, okay. I know what you said- I didn't need to hear you say it to my face- all right? You didn't need to waste the effort on me-"

"You don't know You don't." Kakashi said insistently. "I didn't mean them for you. I meant it for the clones- you see? But I knew you'd take it wrong if I said it right. I wanted to hurt you, but I didn't mean what I said to your clones to you."

"What?" It took Iruka a second to untangle that lovely ball of Kakashi-Logic.

"You have almost as little faith in yourself as you have in me. I was mad, alright? I was mad and tired and fucking pink Iruka," He growled suddenly, under his breath. "And I don't do well when I'm pissed off."

"I have faith in you." Iruka protested, trying to stay caught up.

"You have nothing of the sort." His voice sounded cold again. "You didn't even allow me to defend myself for what happened last Friday. If you had, you'd have know I had nothing to do with it!" He paused. "I don't even own any magazines of that nature. The whole collection is in book form."

Iruka paused. "I know it wasn't you. I found out yesterday."

"Then why wasn't I apologized too yesterday?" Kakashi said snappishly.

"Because you said you'd kill me! I didn't want to crawl back to you like some beaten dog!" Iruka yelled, distressed. "Because I'd already been to much effort for your toy and you'd made it clear your opinion of that."

"Well then you'd better do it now."

"Fuck you!" Iruka snapped. "You want an apology, you go first! And let me go!"

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"I thought we established this part already. I suppose I should explain it more bluntly. I'm a greedy possessive bastard, and you're mine. In accordance with fair trade, I'm yours. I'm not letting you go so you can run off and let me play evil hide and go seek for another week." He paused. "I went a little too far with threatening the clone. But I meant it. If I'd seen another damn clone I was going to figure out how to hurt it. I only have so much patience for games, Iruka, I do get bored fast with them."

Iruka wasn't sure how to respond. "I meant, why won't you apologize and-" He stopped. "My leg feels numb."

"Eh?" Kakashi loosened his hold. "I'm not pushing on anything that should do that. Did you fall?" His hands moved to Iruka's legs, squeezing, poking, prodding. "You can feel this, right?"

"Yeah it's just- it's not totally numb. But- " He stopped as Kakashi shifted from poking his legs to sliding his palm from knee to hip. "Stop."

Kakashi did so, letting his hand stay at the hip.

"Why- just." Iruka swallowed. "Tell me why."

"I was going to find you the next day." Kakashi said. "I didn't want to make you wait for that long. I figured you'd be easier to find if you didn't think I'd be looking for you."

Iruka stared down, at his hands laced together, at Kakashi's hands on his hips.

"Then Naruto managed to- I'm still not sure what exactly he did. I was tired and a little out of it anyway…."

"He told me about it."

"I'll assume you know how to translate that into what probably happened." Kakashi said drolly. "And then I just found a place and passed out for a while."

"That was enough to exhaust you? I don't buy it."

"Ruru… I hadn't slept since Thursday night. I was tired and repressed and I'd already recast, like twenty times. I needed my sleep."

There was a pause. "Recast?"

"Never mind that part." Kakashi muttered, looking to the side. "It's not important right now."

"Kakashi…."

Iruka sounded suddenly stern, and Kakashi bite back a laugh. Was he going to get scolded now? Hadn't Iruka been about to run away two minutes ago? "Yes Iruka?"

"What did you do?"

"Why do your clones smell like you?"

"Answer my question first."

"Because they do. They confused the dogs, even. And one of my clones. How do you know what you taste like, anyway?"

"Umm. Long story.. But what did you recast?"

"Iruka, don't worry about that for a minute, alright? Look…" He pulled Iruka to him, suddenly and Iruka didn't struggle this time. "I know that, asking for trust from a shinobi is, foolhardy at best. Respect, however." He leaned against Iruka slowly, arms looping around his waist. "You could have shown enough of that to accuse me to my face."

It took a long moment but Iruka leaned back against him. "You're right. This was all my fault- from the start."

"From the start?" Kakashi asked, arching an eyebrow. "I don't think you mean the start of this mess."

"This whole mess- yes. It's my fault- I, I should never have gotten that drunk at the party. It was stupid- I should have just-"

"Asked me out for dinner?"

"Yes."

"Is there a universe where you see yourself doing that out there?" Kakashi sounded bemused. "Ruru, you'd still be pining away at home alone if you'd tried that."

"Hey, I wasn't pining-"

"About five years now, right?" That shut Iruka up soundly, he went rather still.

"About. I guess." Iruka said, a confession.

"You would have kept pining."

"You knew?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Oh. I thought I was doing well."

"To be fair, I thought you rather hated me at first. You looked so broody I was almost paranoid about it." Kakashi said, smiling. "Then I figured it out and was kinda amused."

"Ha-de-fucking-ha." Iruka said, crossing his arms. Well, he tried too, but Kakashi grabbed them, uncrossing them and settling them around his shoulders.

"Well, I kept waiting for you to get over it. Or to do something. But you didn't. You just went into some sort of emotional limbo." Kakashi said. "I tried to poke you out of it once or twice, just to see what way you'd go, but I think I failed."

"You did not."

"Did I mention poking you out of it involved trying to get a rise out of you period?"

Iruka blinked. "… the exams….."

"Oh, I would have done that anyway, I stand by that decision, but the comment about breaking your beloved students was just to see what you'd do."

"You're a jerk sometimes, aren't you?"

"The term is callous and haughty. Jerks lack finesse." Kakashi said. "Normally I don't like drunken declarations, but you get a pass on that because nothing short of near death was going to get you to go either way."

Iruka turned his head away. "I know. It was chicken shit of me to do that- I hadn't planned on it. I should have been able to, do something without killing a third of my brain-cells. I mean, hell, with a start like that- it would be easy to see how this'll, this would burn out fast, once I got boring."

"Iruka, you are as far from boring as I am from normal." Kakashi said. "Even if you picked a lazy way of starting this, us, it doesn't matter."

"This current mess is still my fault."

"There's plenty of blame to share you don't need to take it all. Between you and me, did you start it? Yes, but I didn't have to make you cry." Kakashi brought a hand up and slid his fingers through the puff of hair that was Iruka's ponytail. "I could have thought of another way. I should have but I got mad and hurt you too much." He leaned his head back. "That won't happen again. Even if you decided to leave me now, I won't do anything to hurt you." He loosened his grip and sat back a little. "Though you might want to go now, for a while, no matter what you think of me."

Iruka looked up confused. Then his eyes suddenly narrowed. "You've been using Heiwa, haven't you? That's why you were ignoring the clones!"

Kakashi puffed out his cheek and exhaled through his nose. It looked rather silly with the mask. "Maybe. Look- that's not the point here, the point is that misunderstandings were cleared up and you can stop avoiding me. Though to be fair if you decided you don't want to see me anymore I'm very much planning on stalking you." He leaned forward and nuzzled into Iruka neck, mumbling something about surveillance cameras and underwear.

Iruka slid his fingers into Kakashi's hair. It smelled musty, like pine and sweat and stress and moss. His fingers caught the hitai-ate and he pushed it off, ruffled the hair. "Kakashi…. If you ever, ever do, something like that again…If you-" He stopped. Men simply did not tell other men not to hurt their feelings. If you break my heart like that- god, how close could one come to ripping off a soap opera? "I'll stuff your pipes with things that hurt allot more than industrial concrete dye."

"Is that what you used?" Kakashi blinked. "No wonder it won't come out." He leaned his head on Iruka's shoulder. "I won't. Even if you weren't threatening me with acid. You have my word."

"I- want to hear you say-" He stopped. Thinking. "Tell me I mean something to you- please- because you let me think I wasn't."

Kakashi nodded. "You mean many somethings to me, I won't ever let you think otherwise again." His arms tightened protectively. "And if I ever say anything that ever makes you think that- hit me because I've either lost it or it's someone's idea of a joke."

"Thank you. I will." Iruka buried his face into Kakashi's neck, letting himself relax. "I'll trust you. I should have before, but I will now."

"I'll exchange you trusts then. I'll believe you." After long moment Kakashi shifted. "Ruru- as, lovely as this is… I'm probably going to be dangerous soon. You should leave."

"That many times?"

"It's gone from misuse to chakra poisoning." Kakashi said, then added in his best whiny three-year-old undertone. "Nenani yelled at me."

"You poor thing, you." Iruka said, grinning slightly.

"Do you know what standard treatment is for my condition?" Kakashi said, wide eyed. "They pump you full of sedative till your unconscious and make orderlies… touch you… until you stop being affected by the after affects…. She's got like, six giggling little wanna-be nurse twats who all volunteered."

Iruka was torn between a fierce sense of defensive 'MINE!' instincts and an urge to laugh at the image of a passed out Kakashi being molested. "Is that your only choice?"

"That or I break my wrists trying to keep up with myself." Kakashi shrugged.

"I could stay." Iruka pointed out, bringing his hands up to frame Kakashi's face. He realized he was still holding whatever Nenani had tossed at him and set it down. He put his hands back, pulling down the material. "Heh. You're pinker under this-" He noted, and Kakashi rolled his eyes and ignored it. "I have the stuff to get it off. It smells like vinegar and death but it works." He ran his fingers along Kakashi chin and blinked. "You're fuzzy."

"I've been distracted."

"It's kinda soft." Iruka seemed to think that was funny too, brushing it with his fingertips. "They look really… pale.."

"That' because the rest of my hair is pink…. And my skin." Kakashi leaned his head back a little, to glare properly and Iruka licked his neck. A nice long swipe too, from the lowest available patch of skin up to his ear lobe. "Gah-" Ohdamnthatfeelsnice. "Iruka you'd better-"

Iruka bit the earlobe hard. "No. I want to stay."

"Geh- I'll end up hurting you again." Kakashi warned. "I mean, really."

"No you won't. well, okay, you will but it's- not the same." Iruka reasoned in Kakashi ear. "Besides.. I don't want to go right now."

"Defending me from the teeny-girl nurses?"

"Sure. How many times did you cast it?"

"Couple."

"Only a couple?"

"Alright several times." Kakashi admitted.

"What counts as several?"

"Well, several dozen really-" Kakashi said.

"You have got to be the stupidest genius I know." Iruka could feel a first rate eye twitch starting.

"I told you that you should run away now." Kakashi said, pushing at him.

Iruka shook his hand to snap out of it and pushed back. "No, but- what the hell is the matter with you? You're going to hurt yourself!"

Kakashi leaned back and pulled up the front of his shirt. "I'm noticing that."

Iruka blinked. The chakra patterns were actually visible. Like welts, almost, a complex raised red pattern. He set a finger on it and pushed a little, feeling the chakra chord inside of it. "That's-" he paused. He poked again. "That's a really bad case of idiocy you have there, you know that?"

Kakashi flinched. "Ow. Yes, poke the bruising flesh- feels lovely."

Iruka stopped. "Hmm." He shifted then paused. "That weird- my legs still feel numb-ish."

"When did it start?"

"Right after I got pushed- dammit. I bet it was Nenani…."

"Where?"

"When she slapped me-" Iruka twisted, trying to get a look at his back. "Thought it stung."

"Old bat's fond of things like that." Kakashi grumbled, moving. "Here, I'll check-" he had to shove the vest out of the way- eventually taking it off, and pulling the shirt up. The tell tale red dot of a needle was there, just above the edge of his underwear. "Yep, she got you. What do you think it was?"

Iruka was blushing. "I have a theory."

"Mmm?" Kakashi was utterly distracted by that new patch of skin exposed on Iruka back. He slid his fingers across it, licking his lips slightly. "What's that?"

"It's that Nenani dosed me with some sort of, local. And possible a muscle relaxant- you're not listening."

"That's fascinating, did that really happen?" He leaned forward, licking the skin there. "I'm listening, don't mind me."

"Geeh-" Iruka shivered, felt lips there next. "Ah- no- wait a second-" he scrambled to his feet and Kakashi whimpered, deeply.

"Are you leaving then?"

"No- I'm doing somethin- gah-" He almost tripped over the bulky object that had been throw at him, that he'd set aside. "The hell?" He looked at it, flushing deeper. "Oh, she's just evil."

"What is it?"

"A tranq dart and Vaseline." Iruka looked like he'd just been made to eat the uber-lemon from which all other lemon get their tartness. "For either extreme… I suppose."

"Maybe we're suppose to use both?"

"Dart me and I'll stay awake JUST long enough to toss you to the orderlies." Iruka warned, tossing the cylinder to the edge of the room. "Why are there no windows in here?" He asked, looking at the small dirty skylight that tinted the place yellow-green.

"Might chase down a bird."

"And there is no bed because?"

"Concerts easier to hose down, and the metal frames break. Be glad there's a mattress."

"Is there a light?"

"A bulb on a string. Don't turn it on this place looks sleazier with it on." Kakashi stood up, tilting his head. "What are you gonna show me?"

"I'm not, a genius.. But I'm clever enough to have a few tricks of my own. Ones why I'm so good at clones, and one I made up to beat Mizuki in a bet…" He smiled, shrugging. "You probably don't want to learn this-" He brought his hands up and started to makes the seals slowly.

Curious, Kakashi left both eyes open.

Iruka hoped he didn't screw up. He'd invented this years ago, and messing up was, embarrassing… "Nugisuteru no jutsu…"

Kakashi blinked. "You made that up yourself?" It was complex, but a startlingly tidy jutsu. There had been little to none wasted chakra. At some later point Kakashi would compliment it's craftsmanship. But for now….

"Dammit. I messed up." Iruka said, utterly annoyed that he'd made such a simple error. "I'm sorry I forgot I was wearing these."

Kakashi blinked again, head turning. Apparently, at some point in his life Iruka has sat down and created a Jutsu that took all the clothes on his body and folded them neatly at his feet. Along with his hair tie and forehead protector. But not, apparently, his boxers. They were plain dark blue and Kakashi felt his brain crumble into dust.

"When you do it right it takes every thing, you see, so-geh!" He was tackled and pinned to the mattress so fast he didn't feel the impact. Not that he would have noticed much past the strong hot tongue jamming into his mouth, thrusting into it, wrapping around his own tongue and flooding him with taste. Iruka groaned and fought back as much as he could, arms going around Kakashi's shoulders, but it's hard to get the over-heiwaed to do anything they don't want to do. Well, technically they'll do just about anything- but- oh, you know what I'm talking about.

With a grunt Kakashi sat up, dragging Iruka with him, managing to pull his head away a little to gasp. "I need- one second- here-" He shoved and pulled until Iruka was sitting sideways in his lap. Iruka complied, kissing his ear and neck until Kakashi groaned again.

"Glad you like my technique- ahh-" Iruka stopped talking because Kakashi had slide his (slightly shaking) hand into the opening on his boxers. "Oh-" His panted breath beat a warm rhythm on Kakashi's exposed neck.

Kakashi had to force himself to be still, except his hand, and carefully touched his fingers to the more sensitive points of Iruka's length. Iruka shivered and shifted, making an odd soft noise. "Kakashi-"

"I need to see something." Kakashi said, voice sounding strained.

"Don't- make yourself wait-" Iruka said. Kakashi's fingers curled around his length and the slightly rough pad of his thumb brushed across the tip. Iruka bit his lip and tried to stifle a moan, but it snuck out anyway, thick and rich from his chest. With his cheekbones flushed like that he looked like sex personified, and when he tilted his head to look at Kakashi with dark half lidded eyes and full lashes Kakashi could have cried if the blood in his tear glands wasn't somewhere very southern of his brain.

"Iruka I need you." Kakashi said, thumb going in circles around the tiny slit. His voice was shaky, he leaned forward and kissed at Iruka until he'd stopped biting his lip, kept kissing until Iruka was responding with soft verbal mewls as he kissed back, mouth open enough that breathing was possible in slow gasps. "In any and all ways possible- please-" He slid his tongue across Iruka teeth slowly. "-Please- fuck me."

"We're- ah- not doing that already?"

"No- no I need you to fuck me." Kakashi said, shaking his head. "It's- I'll hurt you any other way and I can't let you leave now- I can't-" His hand tightened slightly and Iruka squeaked, twisting. Kakashi winced and let go- but his hands kept on Iruka skin, pushing across his stomach, shoulder, going to his back and pulling him in as Kakashi tried very hard to devour his captives neck.

Iruka twisted, pushing against him, pushing lips to lips. "You need less clothes."

Kakashi hands clasped behind Iruka back, it took a huge amount of concentration that he only barely could to rip together enough chakra to do it, but he was able to duplicate Iruka snazzy little trick. "Nugisuteru no jutsu…"

Almost. There was a weird pop noise that Kakashi ignored. All he cared about right now was the fact his shirt and pants were mercifully gone, and the only cloth he could feel was the warm soft dark blue of Iruka being overdressed.

"Kakashi- wha- You did it wrong! You shredded it all- gah-" Iruka stopped talking for a second as Kakashi hips were brought to his roughly. Iruka thrust back against him, and Kakashi nearly lost it. "Excellent reproduction, copy nin."

Kakashi couldn't think- couldn't move- this was a thousand times worst that just being overly flustered and horny that first night- this was a pain that was clawing at him and if Iruka didn't hurry the hell up-

"Kakashi, this isn't a healthy color-" Iruka panted that as he leaned back, hard to do with Kakashi nearly clawing at him to keep him near. He was referring to the fact that the intricate chakra lines were PURPLE, as was his cock. Not a 'woot! Blood filled and ready!' purple either, but a 'I've been kicked!' look. Iruka grabbed it gently and Kakashi yelped and came once.

At least Iruka was pretty sure he'd come- the member had jerked in his (now sticky) hand and Kakashi's body had tensed right- but- he was still hard. "Did you-"

"Iruka- please- just- " Kakashi was begging, suddenly, his words almost slurred. "It hurts help me Iruka please fuck please-" He semi sat up and crushed his lips to Iruka's, one hand flailing around until he found that damn tub of Vaseline and was shoving it into Iruka hands. Returning the kiss while getting the lid off the jar was tricky but Iruka managed, somehow. The stuff was thicker and not at all the same as the cute little tube of lube. Kakashi stopped clawing at him enough to yank his boxers down.

If he kept this up- Iruka didn't need to finish the train of thought, he pushed against Kakashi HARD, knocking him back. "Lay down!" He used his best authoritarian voice. The one that made Naruto drop the handful of fire crackers and freeze. He didn't know if it would work on Kakashi or not but it was worth a try.

Kakashi was trying to get up, but stopped at the tone. "Iru-Iruka- Iruka please-"

"Lay down! Legs apart!" Iruka boomed it, straight from the diaphragm. Kakashi did it, but his whole body was shaking as he stretched his legs out. His hands, however, seemed lost. Unable to reach Iruka without reprimand his hands were forced to stay busy. Mainly by sliding down his chest and belly with a clear goal in mind.

Iruka set a hand against Kakashi's patterned thigh and pushed the legs open a little more. His own flaming desire aside, he knew he really didn't to do any careful, gentle prep-work and stretching so he put the thick, almost slimy substance on his own length. Kakashi made an odd noise and Iruka looked up from his own hands and almost choked.

Kakashi could, apparently, without needing to sit up at all, stretch and or bend himself enough that he actually already had two fingers in to the second knuckle and was working on three. His other hand was busy in a predictable fashion.

Iruka would have killed for a camera just then. That desperate needy look on Kakashi face was priceless alone, with his teeth bared and his eyes focused at the task at hand. Then Iruka was shifting without even really thinking of it, reaching down and yanking Kakashi's probing fingers out of the way by pulling in the wrist. Kakashi squirmed as little as he could, gasping as Iruka managed to get both his wrists together and pull them away.

"Ruru-" Kakashi called his name- begging. His chest was heaving like he'd run a thousand miles to collapse there at Iruka's mercy. Iruka held his wrist still and used his free hand to make sure he didn't miss. Kakashi stopped wriggling as much as he could, but his body was taunt as wire. "Please-please-Ruru- Ahh!"

He did scream when Iruka when forward, a strong thrust, but it was a scream of release. Iruka gasped at the sensations, Kakashi felt like he was burning with fever, tight and writhing and he had to let got of the wrists to balance himself. A mistake, because with his hands free Kakashi could grab at him, yanking Iruka's body down again him. Iruka gasped and rocked into him and Kakashi cried out again, sharply, his head lolling back off the edge of the mattress, mouth open to swallow at the air. Iruka had to struggle to get his hands down, dig his fingers into the squishy material (he was lucky he was too far gone to consider how dirty the thing might be) and slammed into Kakashi properly. If he leaned forward right Kakashi's seriously abused member was rubbed between them, even when he got a knee under himself a little to keep the impacts up.

Kakashi was coming, Iruka could feel the slick fluids between them, but by now between the blood pressure and the centrifugal force of the energy it wasn't draining enough pressure for any downtime to occur. The noises he was making now were closer to sobs, but his fingers were still sinking into Iruka's shoulders like his life depended on it so stopping wasn't even considered.

Kakashi body was being forced through the act of release now, it was about as far from fun as he imagined sex could be without involving burly ex-cons, but at the same time- even with his testicles tightening with each spurt, even with the creeping sensation that parts of his body just couldn't HANDLE this shit, that he was probably coming blood now- at least it was his Ruru.

Iruka gasped as Kakashi arched into him again. He pressed his open mouth against Kakashi's neck. He tasted like salt and sex and strawberry Jell-O mix and a million other things. Iruka gritted his teeth together and pushed harder, his dark hair adhering to him with the layer of sweat. He could feel sweat trickling down the line of his back, off his face onto Kakashi-

Sweat is part of sex, just like pain and passion and random body juices and odors. A rare good side affect of a wasted youth was Iruka's understanding that sex is rarely an overly romantic act by itself. A lot of things around it were though. Not that romance mattered right now, right now it was more important to grit his teeth and fight for control until Kakashi was spent. He tried to slow his thrusts a little but Kakashi was having none of it. With a snarling moan being ripped out of him, Kakashi grabbed Iruka and twisted, pinning him. Legs were totally wrong for the proper friction he managed to do an odd half bounce anyway while he fixed them that made Iruka yelp. Or maybe it was just getting flipped that made him yelp. Iruka found himself pushed down on, Kakashi's hands flat on his chest. His hands went to Kakashi wrists as the glazed-eyed nin started to grind down onto him. Iruka pushed his hips up as hard as he could into that magnificent, thrashing creature but it was rather like fucking a wave. Too much force to resist (plus his legs still felt oddly numb-ish from whatever the evil nurse overlord had done to him).

Iruka wasn't sure if he was being looked at or through but both of Kakashi's eyes were focused on him even if they were as glassy as a doll. It was startlingly just how rough Kakashi was actually capable of making it, considering the actual way they were connected. All of the mans weight was bearing down on Iruka's chest and hips, alternating. Iruka could feel eight crescents being dug into his skin where Kakashi's short nails dug in, not enough to bleed but he felt like he might have the marks for days. Iruka hoped Kakashi wasn't hurting himself- the man was slamming down as hard as he could, and if there was enough force to make him wince, he couldn't even imagine how hard this was on Kakashi's passage. Iruka tightened his grip on Kakashi's wrists, trying to focus enough on anything that would let him last just a little, tiny bit longer-

But Iruka hadn't sleep well the last few days. Or eaten much, really. And unlike Kakashi he wasn't being buoyed up by a need un-natural. His back arched and contorted as he tried to fight it down but it wasn't going to happen. "Ka-Kakashi-" It was strangled, and apologetic as he came. He felted boneless, and Kakashi stopped his motions and Iruka went limp. "I'm- sorry-"

Kakashi just leaned forward, slowly. Iruka could feel his thighs trembling against his side. Kakashi kiss tasted like sweat, blood from a bitten lip, and was oddly gentle. The lips didn't part, just stayed against Iruka's in a caress. The hands that hand been pressing on his ribs so hard slide up, framed his face as Kakashi tongue started to delve into his mouth. Iruka relaxed, enjoying it for now even though he had an excellent guess at what was coming. The kiss got firmer, Kakashi's fingers went through Iruka's damp hair slowly.

But his hands were almost vibrating from how taunt the muscles in his arms were. Iruka lifted a hand to Kakashi forehead and pushed him back a little. "Kakashi- it's okay. Don't wait."

"But-" Kakashi voice didn't sound even close to normal, it was strained and a little broken up. "I'll hurt you."

"Good thing we're in a hospital then?" Iruka said weakly, trying a grin.

"Ruru-" Kakashi started, and his voice definitely sounded shaky this time, but Iruka had shifted, managing to sit up.

"It's okay. Don't make me repeat myself."

Then Iruka moved his hand down Kakashi's chest, belly, brushing his length. After, when he looked back on it, he supposed this was the equivalent of tossing a torch into a bucket of hot oil. Kakashi's hands in his hair tightened, forcing Iruka's head back as he attacked the now exposed throat. Iruka yelped but didn't try to fight it, made himself relax into it, really. Kakashi made a noise similar to a growl and pulled away, tugging and pushing at Iruka.

"AH- okay, ah-" Iruka complied, let himself be push and rolled until he was on his belly. He felt a little disoriented, and got an arm under himself. Or tried too, but Kakashi's hand was pressing down in-between his shoulder blades. One hand was there, the other was down, between his legs, pushing them apart and reaching up and grabbing, making him lift his hips. Iruka set his jaw and braced his shoulders. He was glad he'd put too much of the goo on, it felt like it had melted from body heat and slicked up everything down there. Kakashi's fingers felt like steel, hard and probing and he bit back a yelp. Dammit this is going to hurt-

He was right too, his hands clenched tightly when Kakashi pushed into him hard. "Geh-" It hurt, worse than the first time had, but then Kakashi had been far more considerate the first time than he was at the moment. Iruka's head was just off the edge of the mattress and he was glad for it. He could set his forehead to cool concrete and it gave him space to breathe. He had an oddly uncomfortable thought that if he didn't have that airway he'd end up asphyxiated. "Ah- ah-" God it hurt, even with that weird numb feeling he KNEW damage was occurring but he couldn't feel the sharp pain that ripping flesh felt like. (Not that Iruka had ever torn flesh there, but he'd torn other muscles and was fairly certain he'd know the feeling.) It got easier as time went on, making him wonder some more about the nature of that shot, but it didn't matter. He'd hurt himself worse on dare for people he like a whole hell of a lot less than Kakashi, after all. It was just pain, dull and aching and throbbing and he grit his teeth and clenched his fists and settled in to focused on other things.

Like the weirdly painful, almost a whimper of a growl that Kakashi was making. Iruka was less inclined to be bitter about the pain when he thought about those thick purple bruises that had striped Kakashi's thighs. They would have probably looked worse if Kakashi wasn't pink right now, poorly done zebra tattoos on his pale flesh.

Like the thick, heavy beads of sweat Iruka could feel hit the planes of his back. Even for sex Kakashi feel way to hot, like a furnace. The normally fluffy hair was near soaked, it'd looked startlingly good plastered to his forehead and cheeks, nearly hiding his eyes.

Like the warm fluid going down his thighs, it might be blood but there was a fifty/fifty chance that Kakashi had actually ruptured some sort of tube and was the cause of it.

What else- Ah, like-

"Meep!"

Like when Kakashi remembered it took two to tango and reached around Iruka's waist to clumsily stroke at him. His touch was awkward and unsure, fingers curling around Iruka's limp length. Considering that Kakashi's other hand was pressing hard enough to make Iruka's spine pop it felt very gentle and feather like. And it was a startling contrast to his normal, skilled touch, these unsure caresses. Iruka felt himself starting to respond a little, he shivered and rocked back against the thrusts once. Kakashi yowled like a cat at that and his fingers moved a little quicker, trying to remember what spots made Iruka merely squirm and what ones made him cry out.

Iruka's chest was starting to hurt, both from being pushed on and from how hard he felt like he had to work to suck in air. He focused on Kakashi's hand instead, how awkward an angle it was for his arm to even do that, on things like

Like how damn nice if felt when Kakashi's fingers lightly pinched that small spot of loose skin right under the head of his cock and rubbed-

Kakashi breathed a sort of sigh of relief when Iruka made that squeak. He could feel his lovers soft organ twitch to life at his actions and did his best to repeat them. He apparently succeeded because Iruka was starting to make those small noises again. Not the hurting noises he knew the man had been choking down, those noises had hurt to listen too, but the good mewls and shuddering intakes of breath.

"Ahh- Kakashi-" Iruka mumbled it, shuddering.

Kakashi grinned, still panting desperately for air as he kept slamming into Iruka. Nothing like hearing your name get moaned out for a ego stroke, after all. He leaned himself forward, tilting and craning his head until he could see Iruka's face. Because after all, Iruka made the best faces. The current one was no exception to the rule, his face was a livid red and his row was furrowed as far as Kakashi could tell. His mouth was wide open as well, pulling in air past lip so cry they were about to crack. Kakashi shut his eyes and moved his hand from Iruka's back to his shoulder, then leaned back, pulling Iruka with him.

It was probably a good thing it was hard to get very deep from this angle, really. Good for Iruka, at least. Kakashi wrapped his arm around Iruka chest and crushed the man to him. His other hand stayed where is was, inelegantly brushing hot skin over hardening flesh. His fingers pinched at the tiny excess again. Iruka leaned his head back against Kakashi shoulders and cried his name out, hands clawing for a second then going to lace fingers with fingers. He was upright now, on his knees. With his hands over and entwined with Kakashi's he could control some of the petting, and soon Iruka had coaxed a set of strong fingers up to his neck and jaw.

Then if finally happened. Kakashi felt like something had been shattered, ripped and he was finally, mercifully done. There was no afterglow, just a strange wave of disorientation. Instead of the usual comfortable haze it was like sticking his head in a bucket of fog. Iruka gasped, lightly, and Kakashi came to a little, realized he was leaning on the man like so much dead weight. "Ruru-"

Iruka made a soft whine noise and Kakashi felt his hand being moved out of the way. Apparently not wanting to wait for Kakashi to remember he was there, Iruka let himself be leaned on as he attempted to finish himself. Kakashi pressed a dry kiss to Iruka's sweat slicked neck and pushed his hands away. "No. No, Ruru. Stop." His fingers remembered themselves, expertly coaxing out a soft whimper. His other hand started to shift, running though Iruka hair once and sliding down his neck, touching the mans chest and brushing the dark nipples. "Ruru-" He purred the name out, even with that raspy quality it was enough to make Iruka shiver and tremble. "Ruru. Ruru." He mumbled it again and again against Iruka's ear, a mantra. He tweaked a nipple lightly and slid his hand down, pausing to circle the navel before trailing the line until ten distinct fingertips were manipulating Iruka.

The voice would have almost been enough, Iruka later decided. But only almost, because Kakashi was damn good with his hands and it didn't take long before Iruka had bitten his lip and squirmed and tense and gone limp, sliding into that little death. He went boneless and Kakashi sat back, still on his knees. (Moving like that meant he slid out of his lover, for you people who care about such things)

"Ruru-" He wiped his hand idly on the mattress and started to smooth Iruka's hair back. He tried not to look at the smeary mess down Iruka's thighs, thought he did wonder whose blood was whose. Iruka's eyes shifted to focus on him. "Told you to leave." Kakashi said, sighing.

"Feel better?"

Kakashi squeezed his arms tighter. "Yeah." This was mostly true. Yes, he hurt from the ribcage to his knees, and yes, he was actually a little afraid of how much pain was going to be involved with his next piss, but at least-

He wasn't going to be pink forever.

He wasn't in some fucking impossible to win without, well, winning fight with Iruka.

He wasn't about to fuck the nearest stable stationary object (he really meant this, as an earlier impure thought about a park bench would have probably become a rather embarrassing public indecency claim without a rapid recast)

He had his Ruru back. His Ruru, whom had proven himself both more fragile and twice as strong and wily as Kakashi had thought originally.

He was going to spend a few days recovering. Normally this would be bad, but right now, this meant-

He was going to create a new dimension of pain for Sasuke to live in a few weeks. Bastard. Horrid bastard. Soon-to-be-hurting bastard.

"You hurt." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Iruka nodded. "Not that much. But I also can't really feel my legs that well. What do I know about my condition?"

Kakashi kissed him then, lightly and Iruka got quiet.

"Don't worry. I'm not gonna fuck you again." Kakashi said, nuzzling. "Well, not soon, at least. I just like the way you taste."

"How do I taste?"

"Don't you know? You taste like you. Maybe you're used to it." Kakashi grinned and kissed him again. Iruka grinned against the kiss.

There is no doubt in my mind, that if left alone, this would have been a rather touching little talk between the two of them, riff with kissing. Unfortunately for them there was a sharp rap on the door that made Iruka jump nervously and Kakashi glare.

There was a pause, then a slam. The door was coming open in spite of the fact Iruka vest seemed to be lodged like a door jam.

"Geh!" It was Nenani, it had to be. Kakashi head whipped around- where the hell was his mask- oh fuck everything was shredded to fucking- "Dammit-" He grabbed the first expanse of cloth he could grasp and managed to wrap it around his head like a pro without even correctly identifying what it was.

Iruka, however, didn't quite make it. This is not to say he was in anyway inferior in his cover the important bits instinct (In fact he was a season pro at grabbing his things while rolling bare-butt nude out third story windows to avoid an ass full of buck-shot from the blunderbuss of a daddies girl). He wasn't, however, very good at it when his pants had been snatched by his lover and his legs refused to work at quite proper speed. "Meep!" His had to settle for grabbing his boxers and holding them over himself as he found himself blinking in the horrid, horrid light from the hall. "Ah! Bright!"

Nenani crossed her arms and glared at Kakashi. "Cute."

That was weird enough that Iruka had to stop in his embarrassed defensive actions to look at Kakashi. And, inside and grudgingly, he had to admit, Nenani had a point. With his hands on his hips, legs sticking out at horridly indecent angles, and Iruka pants wrapped around hi head till at that was visible was a single eye and a smaller than normal thatch of hair- he looked very much like a two year old just learning to dress himself. "I need those pants!"

"I need them more." Kakashi grumbled. Nenani laughed.

"He's being stubborn. I've seen everything else the little brat has to offer already, he's trying to hold onto his pride." She grinned. "Well, I'm not dealing with you today. Or your battered friend there, for that manner. I'm just here to drag you to the exams rooms."

"Eh?" Iruka felt suddenly, very lost.

"Exam rooms!" Kakashi squawked. Well, all right, it's Kakashi, so it was more a righteous denouncement of exams rooms in general, but if it had been anyone else it would have been a squawk. "Look- I'm fine! I want to sign myself out now and go home-"

"Not a chance! It's chakra poisoning, you brat! MANDATORY check off by ME and one other professional! AND YOU DON'T COUNT AS A PRO."

The next occurrence Iruka would never forget, ever, because Nenani stalked across the room and grabbed Kakashi by the ear. It was creepy as you couldn't see his ears but she seemed to have a sense for them. She hauled him up. Never mind he towered over her and batted her hand away she gave him a glare.

"Listen you bratty little snot-" Her sentence was punctuated by the harsh snap of her glove getting pulled on. "You're coming with me and you're going to submit to the catheter, the needles, the scans and any foul concoctions I feel like making you drink- you know why?" Her bare hand shook in his face. He glared at her.

"Why?" he sounded sarcastic, or he tried too. Perhaps it was bravado, maybe he just didn't want to cave while Iruka was there, or maybe he was just tired and sore and let his guard slide a little. Either way he screeched as her gloved hand came up and grabbed a healthy handful of his hair.

No. The other hair. She's a little too short to grab what's available on his head. "Cause!"

Iruka's jaw dropped. He lost the ability to blink as he watched Kakashi get dragged in a horrible hopping gait out the door and, presumably, down the hall. by a handful of the short-and-curlies.

"Geh-"

"Hey, you're Iruka?"

Iruka looked up at his name and wondered when the nurse had gotten there. "Yes?"

"Here- " She handed him a blanket and smiled in a friendly manner. "You need to be checked over once, can you stand?"

"Let me put my-"

"No hon, there's too much blood, you'll just ruin your clothes. Besides, you'll have to take them off again anyway. Just wrap up and I'll come back and get your things." She tossed the blanket around him and helped him up. "Oh, wobbly. Not surprising."

Iruka blushed rather flamboyantly. "He's very strong." He said meekly, as if that would explain things somehow. He winced as he heard the man in question bellowing something about 'horrid old harpies falling from the sky to torment him'.

The nurse started to laugh, loudly and Iruka cringed. "Oh, is he now? I thought it was from the Novocain shot Nenani said she slapped into you." She eyes him. "But let's hear some more about how strong he is-" She grinned and Iruka wondered if begging would make the earth swallow him.

Oh, screw it, if the planet hadn't eaten him while he was staggering around town with a broken heart it wasn't going to save him from poorly fitting hospital gowns. "Why do I need to be examined? Doesn't Novocain wear off?"

"Yes, it does, but you need standard rape care-"

"I wasn't raped!" Iruka yelped. A few heads popped out of various doors ad he pulled the blanket over his head like a hood. "I mean- no. I-"

"You've got the same damage though," she said, grinning. "Hey, it's okay, I did a two year internship across the ocean in Night county, specialized in medical sex studies."

"They have a school for that in Night County?"

"Well, with the rampart drinking and that one temple with the kama sutra carved into it, sex is celebrated more. And studied."

"Oh- you mean Ivory shores in Night county!" Iruka grinned. "Yeah, if anywhere was gonna have a sex-ed degree-" He thought back to his time spent in that town and grinned for a moment.

The nurse paused. "Oh my god, it IS you- I've met you!"

Iruka looked at her. "I don't remember you…." And I pretty sure I didn't sleep with you… I remember not getting any in that town…

"I was taking surveys?" She grinned. "It was for a thesis, about the state of the health of the party goers? I had people running and doing push ups and you and your friend skewed all my results."

"Oh- Oh! Oh! I do remember that!" Iruka laughed. "I did like eight hundred push ups, you sat on my back for six hundred of them, and I-" He stopped because he'd been about to say 'I went home without getting any' but that seemed wrong.

"I thought I recognized you when I came back here but- I didn't recognize you fully clothed and serious." She grinned. "I just I couldn't associate what I knew of you with your teacher persona. It's nice to see you again!"

"We went windsurfing the next day- right?" Iruka asked, smiling. "I do remember you now, Amiri, right?"

"Yes Iruka sensei." Amiri grinned, then stopped. "Okay, here." She opened the door. It was a small exam room, and the adjustable bed had been tweaked until the ends were down and the middle was up. "Here, lay down on your belly." She had to help him. "You know I have to take your blanket now, right?"

"Yeah I kinda figured." Iruka mumbled, blushing again and obeying. He turned crimson from his cheeks to his ankles when he felt the sponge hit his skin behind the knees.

"Just a wipe down." She explained.

"God,- please don't tell me about it. Pick something else to talk about." Iruka said, vaguely aware of having his legs set apart as the cold towel went up them.

"Did you ever go back to that town?"

"No. I was there on a b rank mission anyway." Iruka said. It was embarrassing as hell, but he had to admit when she changed towels and went up his back it felt better to be clean. Being dried wasn't bad either. "Should have been a c, it was just some overly rich bat who felt nostalgic and didn't want to hire cheap local felt. Had to outsource for leaf nin an- ah-"

"Sorry, didn't think you'd want to know." She said. "Have to look for tearing now- sorry."

Iruka whimpered. "Okay. That's fine."

"You look-oh, wait- never mind. Some bleeding here. It's not bad though. You just have to, heh, stay away from strong men." Amiri dipped her fingers into something and applied it liberally. "Some abrasion on the inside too, you might want to stick to soups and tea for the next few days, as well. Just a bit of advice."

"Okay."

"Now I'm gonna use a few healing jutsu. It'll be usable for standard use only, no recreational stuff." Amiri said with a tone that implied she was smiling. And while Iruka couldn't feel too much he did recognize that warm tingle of healing. "I'll give you an antibacterial ointment too. It's tricky to put on yourself, but I don't recommend asking your lover for help cause, yeah. It'll probably degrade down into something that'll put you back on my table. Though, at least then I'd have something to do with my sex-ed degree."

"Is that all?"

"Yeah. I'll find you some pants… as your seem to be missing. You can get dressed."

"Is- Ah, is Kakashi done?"

"You, have minor muscle and skin tears. Kakashi-baka has chakra poisoning of the heiwa variant so bad that he's almost bruised internal organs. In the case of some reproductive plumbing he came very close to ensuring he could never father children. If he'd gone another DAY he'd been running a serious risk of castrating himself." Amiri sounded a little pissed. "It'll take an hour and I doubt he'll want to do more than go home and pass out on the floor. Probably on his back as his genitalia should stay fabulously black and blue for several days."

"You can't heal that?"

"There is an actual, little know law that states that in certain instances of stupidity for legal adults-" (it should be noted in Konoha that becoming a chuunin makes you a legal adult if you're not old enough) "-involving misused and/or forbidden jutsu, medical staff are not legally bound to help you. Beyond making sure you don't die. I'm sure Nenani is reminding him of this now."

"That's- that's cruel!"

"I'll give you a few salves. I'll even try to heal him a little, but I've been told he should be miserable for at least five days." Amiri patted Iruka's back (at the shoulder). "Like I said, I'll find your pants and get the paperwork."

"Okay. How long will Kakashi take?"

"No idea. Would you like to wait here?"

"Yes please." Iruka said, feeling shy. "Can you tell him where I'll be?"

"Sure hon."

Iruka didn't bother with the rest of his clothes past boxers. He was tired as hell but tried to stay awake anyway, if only to ensure that waking up wouldn't find him sitting alone in the forest. But the day had been too bizarre, pain-filled and embarrassing to be a standard 'look life is happy now you wake up!' dream.

But he hadn't eaten right the last few days, he hadn't slept well, and he'd just had a rather intense 'work out' of sorts, and emotionally he'd had his ass KICKED.

So surely he was allowed to rest his eyes.

Just a little-

Amiri was later amused to find Iruka snored softly.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi glared at Nenani as balefully as he could. "You are a wretched old hag, you know that, don't you?"

"Sweet talk isn't getting you treated. You've been injured enough, you of all people could have learned how to fix yourself."

The deep tissue bruises Kakashi actually did know how to mend…. But the penis isn't the same type of tissue at all and he could no sooner transfer a bruise jutsu to it that he could use a bone healing jutsu on a bruise. "Nenani- you know perfectly well every injury I've ever had, and none of them included-"

"Yeah. I know. You can go now. Brat."

Someday I shall lose my temper and dissolved her in a vat of acid. No one would ever know. Kakashi thought, having to remind himself that he respected the horrid bitch. Most of the time. And that killing people and dissolving them in acid was frowned upon when you weren't on a mission.

"Iruka's in room 586." Amiri cut in from the door, though watching the two go at it near tooth and nail was funny. Kakashi had swapped a second pair of pants at some point, surgeon scrubs that were a bit to big and hung low on his hips, displaying the mottled bruises. "He's signed out and ready to go, but he fell asleep waiting." She held out some clothes. "Here."

"Alright." He took them. "Now- Nenani- no dammit don't you just- fuck!" She was SO gone. "I hate her! HATE!"

"You need to sign these to be released." Amiri said, holding out the clipboard. He scrawled his name almost angrily. "I'll have your prescriptions at the front desk, just hand in this yellow copy here-" She signed off and gave it to him. "And your nin-insurance will pick it all up! Iruka's being paid for under your plan, so you know."

Picturing a increased premium, Kakashi preformed one of those awesome ninja moves that required he walk behind the thin separating curtain in the room and come out the other side fully dressed. Part of the dark blue scrub pants had been ripped to replace his mask, for now. "586?"

"Yep."

She didn't bother looking up, she'd worked around shinobi to know when one had left the room. Sure, you never saw it, and rarely knew what way they went (even if you knew where they were going) but the light changed, or something. Besides, Amiri was a nin herself, even if she'd chosen a gentler path, and there was a nice pop of chakra involved in a good exit. She left to do paperwork.

~*~*~*~

Iruka woke up to fingers brushing his hair back. He started to open his eyes and look but decided against it out of laziness.

"Ruru-"

Okay, that was worth opening an eye for. "Yeah? Are you done? Are you okay?"

"Are you?" Kakashi leaned in, nuzzling neck softly. "You're curled up on your side."

"Was a little cold. I didn't finish getting dressed. I guess someone brought pants." Iruka stretched from the nuzzle. "That feels nice."

"I aim to please." He paused. "Iruka, may I ask a favor?"

"Ask away."

"Can I sleep on your couch?" There was a slight whine to his tone. "I don't want to try to figure out all your traps-"

"Oh- oh of course- you can have the bed! I'll fix your place back as soon as I can-" Iruka was cut off by fingers over his mouth.

"A yes is all I wanted. Though I'll take the bed- if you're in it."

"Well, it is where I sleep." Iruka smiled drowsily. "Are you ready to go then? You look tired."

"So do you."

Iruka sat up and winced. Novocain was wearing off, damn. He grabbed the pants and put them on, pulling a slight face and stifling it. Kakashi didn't say anything, but he held out a hand. "Do we have to do anything else?"

"You're set. I have to go to the front desk." Kakashi helped Iruka stand and stepped back as the man yawned and stretched and forced himself to wake up all the way. Well, now really who can resist that? He slid his hands around Iruka's bare waist and pulled him forward. "Mm."

Iruka leaned against him, putting his arms around his waist as Kakashi hands slide up his back. "I need a bath." He commented distractedly. "So do you, for that matter- mm-"

Kakashi's hands had slid up his neck and were running through his hair, trying to tame it somewhat. "Mm. Yeah. And I need to be de-pinked."

"Your eyelashes are pink too." Iruka said, making himself step away to pull his shirt on.

"Yeah. Is that my shirt?"

"Um. Yes. How can you tell?"

"It's too long on you- why do you have my shirt?"

Iruka shrugged. "It was helping throw off your dogs. And then you had all my shirts-"

"I knew it." Kakashi grumbled.

"You had all my shirts and I couldn't ask for them back. So I kept wearing it." Iruka said. "It's clean-ish. Or it was. " I had to wash your smell out of it about eight times before I realized it was in my head.

Kakashi handed him his vest and shoes. "I'll give you your shirts back later. The cropped top look just isn't for me."

"You looked very funny tugging it down discreetly every few minutes though." Iruka said, with a grin. "Did it ride up under your vest?"

"Yes." Kakashi grumbled. Iruka was a little wobbly looking (at leas to Kakashi) as they walked out the door down the hall. But then again, Kakashi was looking forward to taking a nap with a bag of ice on his groin so Iruka could wobble all he wanted.

Iruka smiled softly, then looked sad. "I am sorry about it-"

"Cut it out."

"But-"

"I mean it." Kakashi sighed. "I have logic for this that I'll explain at your place, okay?"

"Alright." Iruka paused. "If it wasn't you though- who was it?"

On the way back to Iruka place, Kakashi explained, briefly, that he'd had a, disagreement with Sasuke that could have easily fallen into the childlike behavior the Uchida brat. He managed to do this in a truly artful manner that left of the fact Sasuke was screwing Naruto, the fact Kakashi may have taught them the very Jutsu that currently had the jounin limping home, the fact that Sasuke had done horrid things to a stuffed cat as a result, and the fact Kakashi might have kicked his student rather hard in the balls.

It is impossible to describe in mere words how flawless his execution of this was so I'm not going to try beyond this layout.

Iruka was very quiet at the end of this. For a moment Kakashi wondered if Iruka was buying it.

"Kakashi…."

"Yes?"

"I know that their not my students anymore, and it is up to you how you teach them-" he paused. "Can I help you hurt him? Pleeeeeaaase?" He gave his best puppy dog eyes.

Kakashi grinned. "I was hoping you'd lend a hand."

Iruka grinned broadly and together they stumbled home.

~*~*~*~

By the time they got to Iruka's house, Iruka was starting to actually hurt. Right now it just felt like he'd been kicked, and it didn't seem to be getting worse but still. He walk to the door of his room and groaned. The bed was still a mess and needed fresh sheets. Badly. "Dammit."

"What?"

Iruka started yanking the linens off the mattress. "Help me put fresh sheets on."

"Alright-" Kakashi complied- wincing a little at how it made his stomach feel to bend. What he really wanted was to just lay down and drift into a meditate state (or just sleep… sleep was good) to push healing along, but if Iruka wanted clean sheets he might have to take a shower first too. The dirty sheets got shoved out of sight and soon the bed was neatly made. Iruka looked at it longingly.

"Do you want to scrub the pink off now?"

"I'll scrub off whatever I have to, if I means I get to lay down." Kakashi said- tugging off the makeshift mask, then his vest and shirt.

"Jeez-" Iruka blinked at the bruising. "How far down does it go?"

"As far as it went when you pried my legs open." Kakashi grinned and walked into the bathroom.

"Pried? PRIED? I had pry your hands out of the way but short of dislocation I don't think you could have spread them wider!"

Kakashi laughed and started a shower. He turned to shut the door and found Iruka in the way. "Going to join me?"

"If you don't mind?" Iruka blushed slightly, just a hint across his cheek bones but he didn't look away. "I can help you scrub the pink off, at the least."

"That can wait till tomorrow-" Kakashi decided to keep getting undressed, tossing his shoes in the corner of the bathroom. Pants followed. "But I'd like to scrub some of the sweat off."

Iruka nodded and pulled off his shirt, automatically starting to fold it until Kakashi chuckled.

"Here- that's mine anyway-" Kakashi tossed it after his shoes and undid Iruka's pants for him before stepping into the tub. The hot water stung his face for a second but it also melted the grime off- and that was all he wanted so he didn't fiddle with the knobs. Iruka stepped in a moment later, shutting the shower curtain behind him before the floor got wet.

Iruka reached for the sponge but Kakashi decided that first thing had to come first. He pulled Iruka to him and kissed him with absolutely no mercy until they were both leaning against each other. Even then Kakashi kept his lips lightly against Iruka's, smiling lightly through parted lips.

It was a soft moment, neither of them felt like escalating it to anything more than that. In Kakashi's case raising anything would probably land him back under Nenani's thumb. Scrubbing off grime and sweat and shampooing had several other soft moments, along with toweling off. Nothing was really said beyond Iruka supplying where the extra towels were kept. Kakashi found Iruka's straight razor and shaved while looking at Iruka's legs and offering to redo what had grown out in his absence. Iruka would have hit him but the man had a death-sharp razor to his jaw and that seemed wrong. Then the two reasonably dry Shinobi crawled into bed, got comfortably tangled and fell asleep.

They both slept on their sides because it was just the easiest for both of them. Kakashi tangled his fingers in Iruka's clean damp hair, feeling Iruka's breath across his collarbone. Iruka, meanwhile, hooked a leg with Kakashi, and kept on hand between them on his chest while the other was at Kakashi's hip. And maybe they were just being lazy but neither bothered to dream.

~*~*~*~

It was Sunday morning before Iruka woke up to an empty bed. He stretched in it once, feeling warm and squishy, then realized Kakashi wasn't there and had one paranoid flare that made him sit up. "Geh!" That rather hurt so he fell back over properly distracted. Ow. On the bright side, the pain cleared out the panic enough for him recognize the sheets were still warm from Kakashi's body. There was a noise at the front door opened and close, a body in the living room. Iruka recognized it and grinned even as Kakashi's head popped back in.

"Ah, was hoping to get back before you woke up." Kakashi said. "I had a bargain with a she-devil, you see and needed to pay her off."

Iruka had by this point managed to grab a pair of his clean pants and slide them on, feeling too lazy for underwear. "Uh-huh. What was this bargain?"

"It's what I owe Sakura for getting you to go to the hospital." Kakashi fluffed Iruka's rather bizarre looking hair (never sleep on wet hair) with a grin. "Morning."

"Hrmm." Iruka start to talk- then blushed. "Oh god, she wasn't standing outside the room, was she?"

"No, Nenani would have shooed her away pretty quickly. But I did have to pay her off." Kakashi laughed at the look of utter mortification on Iruka face. "She already knew anyway-"

"Ah! That's the point! She already knew and now she's getting dragged into it! I'm helping the corruption of a minor!"

Kakashi thought about that magazine Sakura had made vanish and nodded in benign agreement.

"You're not suppose to agree with me on that!"

"Well, it's true. She did stumble across a certain bookmark of yours. A magazine?"

"Huh?"

"Pretty boys in varied poses, it was tucked in a book you'd checked out-"

Iruka dove back into the bed and refused to come out. Kakashi poked and prodded for a good ten minutes before sighing and laying down next to the wad of sheets, nuzzling it until it relaxed a little. "This was a while ago now, you know."

"But- that magazine- I-" Iruka groaned. "God. She must really think I'm a freak."

"Actually, judging by her current reading material, you might be an inspiration." Kakashi had to squeeze the Iruka-mummy to get it to go still after that statement as it started to thrash. "You've prompted her to new levels of perversity, I'm so proud!"

"That's not a GOOD thing you pervert!" Iruka wailed. "Oh god her parents must hate me!"

"Hey- now, between the two of us I think she's got enough stealth to avoid getting caught."

"That's not what you're suppose to use your training for!"

"Is too! It's excellent real-world application of technique." Kakashi grinned and bit at what was probably a shoulder. Iruka yelped. "Basic camouflage, subtlety of facial expressions- she barely giggles at all and some of the positions are pretty ludicrous."

"Porn is not good practice!" Iruka struggled to get an arm free to hit Kakashi with, but the sheets were suddenly against him. "Kakashi you're gonna turn her into a pervert!"

"I think perversity is something you're born with. I can't turn her into anything, the most I can hope to do is nurture any existing perversity she has into bloom." He managed to sound pious, a feat by itself. "It warms my- ow!" Iruka had managed to elbow Kakashi in a bruise on his stomach. "Hey- careful-"

Iruka was untangled suddenly, sitting awkwardly. "I'm so sorry- are you okay- I didn't mean to hit- mpph!"

Kakashi pinned him and shut him up by depriving Iruka's brain of oxygen via kissing. It seemed to work cause Iruka stopped struggling after a moment. "Not like she's sleeping around. I think its part of her getting over Sasuke."

"Is it? Oh- she is? That's good- finally."

"Yeah. It'd be silly for someone to pine away for five years with no hope of returned affections."

Iruka fell silent and Kakashi sensed he'd gone too far.

"Ruru-" He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I don't think it is." Kakashi untangled Iruka the rest of the way. "I'll shut up now, how's that?" He pawed at Iruka's shoulder lightly.

"No- I just, felt stupid suddenly for waiting for so long, you know?"

"It's not like you knew what my reaction would be. I punched the first girl who ever tried to kiss me right in the face." He paused. "But she tried to pull my mask down to do it. I suppose I might have hit you too if you'd tried that." (plus he'd been seven and not really into girls.)

"Glad I didn't."

"I think you forgot it was there." Kakashi leaned forward and kissed Iruka earlobe. "Ruru."

"You actually hit her?"

"Yeah."

"No wonder you lost your virginity to a clone." Iruka smiled slightly, slyly.

Kakashi pretended to huff but smiled instead. "Yeah well." Crisis averted. He stood up, stretching. "You need food. And the onigiri have gone bad, I tossed them."

Iruka nodded. "Okay. Is there anything good left?"

"Cereal."

"That'll work." Iruka leaned against him. "Mm. Did you sleep good?"

"Yeah. You?" Kakashi rather liked this leaning thing, it meant he got to lean back. "Here- I'll bring you breakfast-"

"That's not necessary."

"No, you have a job while you wait there."

"Eh?"

"You need to sit there, or lay there- and write down as many ideas as you have on how to torment Sasuke properly." Kakashi hands him a blank scroll and a pen.

Iruka grinned in a rather sinister manner. "Got it." He was scribbling before Kakashi got to the door.

Kakashi scrambled a few eggs, tossed them on a plate, dumped milk on the cereal and walked back into the room. And blinked.

Iruka was still on his stomach, but the scroll had been unfurled till it hit the floor. Kakashi has to step over it on the way in. He also had to nudge a few large, open books out of the way. "What on earth are these?"

Iruka looked up and grinned "Reference."

"For what?"

"Well, plumbing, the structural stability of his house, whether or not it's made of anything termites would eat-"

"You're going to bring his house down on him?"

"No, but a little thing like needed to have your house sprayed is a nice straw." Iruka said, scribbling more down. Kakashi leaned over and realized Iruka was scrawling in a form of shorthand, and blinked.

"You get into this, don't you?"

"It's how I used to plan out missions. When I could. Obviously guarding someone as they travel you can't rig up so much, but, for defending or for assassinations- planning helps." Iruka pushed the stuff back a little so he could eat. "Mm. Thanks, this is good."

"Yes, eggs, one of my skills." Kakashi looked at the scribbles. "Standard shorthand?"

"Not quite, it the wave county dialect of it. Know it?"

"Oh- oh okay. You've got it so loopy I wasn't sure. You don't use Leaf?"

"I think waves is faster if you're not being as precise. I can switch to leaf if that'd be easier?" The words on the sheet were looping, flowing and charging across the paper in manic squiggles.

"No, this is fine. You really want to do that to his food supply?"

"Maybe. I'll write down everything I can think of and then get them in order. Then I'll pick what works best to lead to something else." Iruka said. "Then I'll work out what supplies I need, what order to rig things in." Iruka wiggled his next bite at Kakashi. "Order is also important. Doubly so with wires."

"Yeah, I noticed the wires you threw up under the bed…"

"That was an act of pure divine inspiration done on the way out the door." Iruka grinned. "Reminded me I need to get back to work on my wire work- that was shoddy work, for me."

"You use wires?"

"I used to use them almost exclusively." Iruka nodded, smiling. "it was a lot of fun. Challenging to keep all the chakra levels right and not carve the hell out of your fingers-" He held up his left hand. "I cut the index finger to the bone once. That was stupid of me."

Kakashi tugged down his mask and kissed Iruka's wrist. "May I make a suggestion to your plotting?"

"Yes?" Iruka finished the eggs and cereal and set them on the side table, then going back to writing.

"Can you plan for him being alone in the woods? I can arrange that if you rig something up there."

"Sure. If you give me a general area."

"Let me worry about keeping him in the general area." Kakashi said, mentally planning a few things Iruka didn't need to know about. "I think I can separate him from the rest team without making Naruto or Sakura suspicious."

"Alright, here, sit down?"

Kakashi choose to kneel next to the edge of the bed. It simply hurt the least, though he would have liked to lie on his belly next to Iruka. "Okay now- oh good here's a map- if we keep him in this area-"

~*~*~*~

The journals were, quite possibly, the coolest thing ever, and unless Sir-Hot-And-Sexy-Prince walked up and asked her to marry him (and gave her a pony) she doubted anything was going to top them for a long time. (okay, so she'd settle for a pair of twins like the ones on page 156 of her new magazine that she'd had to swipe from the book store, but still)

He'd apparently written down nearly every though he'd had on every jutsu he'd transferred into the things. It was disconcerting to see it all neatly spelled out in a childlike block print, doubly so when the comment read like so-

"approx casting time 1.6 seconds. Duration at full strength 2 min. Range for maximum lethality 60 feet"

Okay, so it was mostly the image of child Kakashi sitting in his room calculation the kill zone of an attack- but, shivers!

Unfortunately, some of the first few jutsu were pretty basic. For a moment she thought that she'd have to slog through for the interesting things- but after the first book there was very little she'd seen before. And what she had seen was dissected. There were prefect copies of the diagrams in her books, followed by pages and pages of discussion of the way it worked.

It got harder to read after the single line half way through the third journal (she was scanning them and tagging things to focus on later)

All it said was 'Made Chuunin. Shall switch to leaf shorthand.

And from then on it was in leaf shorthand.

In case you don't know what shorthand is, or have only heard of it, it's not a code (usually) so much as a abbreviated (shinobi) system of writing. At some point we've all used w/ as with, or at least seen it. This is just very common short hand. The different counties all have their own variations on this, and due to the paranoid nature of ninjas there had been a push to use the different types of shorthand as a code. But since it was just a different way of writing the same language it was very easy to crack and that stage only lasted maybe three years, long before Iruka's parents had even been born. These days the difference in the shorthand is mostly symbolic, and a kinda of stylistic comment on the user. The shorthand of a county are a dialect, and it's not very uncommon for a chuunin, or really anyone whose had several missions out of county, to know at least the five most common nin shorthands. (in fact most b and higher ranked missions are written out in shorthand to keep civilians form reading them.)

End history lesson. The point here is that while Sakura knows shorthand, she is not fluent enough in it to continue reading the book at a normal pace. She frowned and set the book down, realizing she'd been reading them since 8 this morning, when Kakashi had tossed them in her window, till now. And now seemed to be around two in the morning. She thought about it and seemed to have memories of getting up and eating so she hadn't been too far gone, but still. Wow. Bedtime.

Or it should be but- guuuuh. She hadn't really MOVED all day. And as active as she was- needed to run… Just once around the village, inside the main walls was very safe even on the darkest nights if you had even an ounce of sense. She got dressed -Dear god I've been in my PJs all day! She thought to herself, while her inner voice merely pointed out it was lucky she didn't sleep naked. She grabbed the boots again (there was frost on the window that morning, yeah, fall was dying) and pulled them on leaving via the window.

Stretching her legs out felt good, even if it was really cool out. She pushed all the information about jutsu out of her head and focus on sticking each foot to the ground with exact right amount of chakra to increase her speed with a small flare. Once around the village took forty-five minutes if you booked it and skipped the outlying farms, she was breezing past the slightly trashier areas of town when she heard a familiar voice cursing. The cursing was replaced with a series of harsh thunks.

Slowing to a mere brisk pace and following the rhythmic found her staring at a pair of shoulders. Lean, nude, rippling shoulders, because the arms connected to them where heaving an axe in an arc, slamming chunks of log into tinder. "Stupid- radiator-"

Naruto was wearing PJs, ugly, ugly slippers and a hat that seemed to be trying to eat his brains. But he'd taken the flannel shirt part off and tied the arms around his waist before attacking the woodpile. He swung the axe on last time into the woodpile and turned around. "Oh, hey it's you Sakura!" He grinned broadly, bringing up a hand to scratch his ear. "What's up?"

"Why are you chopping wood in your pajama at three-o-clock?"
"The radiator just died, so I'm gonna put a bunch of wood in the space heater on my crappy little balcony and sleep outside next to that." Naruto pointed at the rather decrepit looking apartment building behind him.

"Shouldn't the landlord fix it?" When did he get abs? We missed that… Hell when did he get any of that? Inner Sakura started to speculate on what she couldn't see and Sakura tried to tone her out, wondering again why her inner voice had access to visual aides.

Naruto laughed. "Naw- the landlord hates me. Intensely." He grinned. "He never fixes my heat. Or whatever it is in the vent that makes the place smell like cheese in summer." He stretched his arms behind his back. "Why you out?"

"Oh. Um." Sakura blinked. "I spent the day inside reading."

"Oh, what are you reading now? You've got such boring looking titles all the time. Yesterday you had some history book on swords! Not even how they're made or how to use them- what's the point?"

"This one's on fashion."

Naruto made a face. "Neh- you don't need that you always look fine." He dropped tot a crouch and started to bundle up wood with a felt old looking belts. "So you're just out running now to run?"

"Yeah. What did you do today?"

"Went swimming for a bit, but it was really cold. Built a campfire, cooked a fish, trained with Sasuke for a while. Went south of town where the outdoor gymnasium is and used the weights. Sasuke went to the library a hour ago, something about looking up the teachers conduct codes, guess he's not coming back."

(at this moment Sasuke was banging his head on the wall, unable to find any one rule that would protect him if his teachers swapped notes and decided it was him. In fact, he'd found a small book detailing the fact hat he, as a student, had virtually no rights as far as his teacher was concerned…..)

"You use the weights allot?" No, genius, he just woke up with that six pack- the HELL you- gah.

Naruto shrugged. "I heard it can help your chakra reserves. I think being fast is more important though." He lifted the first bundle to his shoulder and tucked the other under his other arm. "When do we meet tomorrow?"

Sakura shrugged. "Usual time, I guess."

"Huh. Wonder if I could be late- anyway- I gotta go set up the heat thing and go to bed- have a good night Sakura." He smiled again and trotted up the stairs.

Sakura decided now was a good time to go back home and sleep before she spent too much time contemplating how then lean curve of his back translated down to his ass under all the damn cloth. I've been reading tooooooo much Yaoi-Heaven…… Maybe I should read a history of fashion book….

She sighed and chalked it up to overly aggressive hormones, made worse by the realization she could get away with reading all those dirty books without getting caught. Nothing to do with the fact that we've noticed he's kinda hot. Plus we've never caught him screwing any of our teddy bears. That's like, eight million points right there.

Hmm.

"Oh, shut up." Sakura muttered to herself. I'm gonna go sleep. I will not dream about sex. I will not dream-

Okay, we will, but with no one I know! Inner Sakura compromised.

Satisfied, she made a mental note to look up a hot redhead before passing out.

~*~*~*~

It was going to be a long week, Kakashi decided. He'd sat down and carefully healed everything his could on himself, but there were, certain things he really just didn't' have the skill to try to fix… And learning from a book would have taken two weeks, so it was pointless.

It was just, a little irksome. He'd been fine with Iruka in the shower when they first got home, sleeping next to him, waking up the next day- that was all fine, hell he'd metaphorically gorged himself on sex Saturday, even a libido like his had a saturation point.

But it was late Sunday night now, and Iruka had managed to (probably unwittingly) make himself very, very sexy. Not that he was trying to pose, or being lewd, but his hair wasn't quite staying in the lazy ponytail, he still had no shirt on, though he was wearing socks. That wasn't it though. Not to say that Iruka's body wasn't molestable, it was, but-

What does he even have reading glasses? I've been reading fine print for most of my life in poor lighting conditions and I can see fine! Geeh. Bastard has located my secret weak point. Dammit.

And thinking about it too much hurt. As in a literal pain, like reaching for something with a sprained wrist. Only it felt closer to a need jabbing him somewhere he rather not be jabbed. And that was just the vague thoughts like he looks tasty- not even something good like thinking about rolling him to his back and attacking his throat until all his hair was loose, spread over the pillow and his glasses had fogged up and-

Kakashi winced a little. Iruka was just reading now, half on his side flipping the pages of a large, complex map book. (he was trying to see if it would be possible to rig a mudslide to look like an accident)

And looking far to good. They were silver rimmed half moons, the frames were sturdy looking but not dominating on his face. His lashed looked very dark behind them, the light passing through the glass highlighted his cheek bones and-

"Hmm?" Iruka looked up and Kakashi slid behind him, nose nuzzling his neck. "Mmm. What? Time to sleep?"

"Doesn't matter. Got you a sub for tomorrow and Tuesday. Nenani's orders. I can get up and deliver any lesson plans you wanna throw together."

Iruka glanced at the pile of tests, activities and chores he'd made for his class while depressed. "I think I have a few things."

Kakashi shut his eyes and relaxed against him. It was weirdly safer for him just to have contact rather than the visual. The contact was soft and warm. Those damn glasses were erotic in only the way an image back up with fantasies can be. Besides, Iruka was, safe. Safe enough to let himself fall asleep first, even if he didn't sleep very deeply. (not very deep being that he'd wake up the second Iruka got out of the bed, or if someone else came, but deep enough that every little jolt wouldn't wake him)

Iruka felt the breathing change and shut the book quietly, putting his glasses on top of it on the floor next to the bed. Reaching carefully he got the blanket over them without Kakashi visibly waking up. Them he let himself drift off as well, with Kakashi's nose and breath tickling his neck.

Not a bad way to end a weekend, all in all.