Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Side Effects: heiwa no Jutsu ❯ Greek Tragic Gay Porn and Dates ( Chapter 16 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Greek Tragic Gay Porn and Dates
Iruka woke up sneezing. He wasn't sure quite why but there was an absolutely HORRID smell in the air that was reminding him of month-old fish, death, and sour mash. He rolled to his back, sneezed again and sat up.
Kakashi was gone. This time there was no flare of pain, no tensing of anticipation for the hammer to fall, because he could hear, fairly clearly, the sounds of water splashing. With a yawn he stood up, glad to note he didn't seem to hurt anymore beyond a very mild ache. Then he followed the splashes, sticking his head in the bathroom. "Mm. Morning. Found the remover?"
"Well, it was in a jug under the sink," Kakashi said, scrubbing at his foot. "It's working though."
"Want some help?" Iruka offered, getting out a rough sponge.
"Yeah, please," Kakashi grumbled. It was slow going. "Isn't this the chemical they put in bags of money? For ransoms?" He was referring to the color.
"Yeah, civilian law enforcement does in any case," Iruka said, pouring some of the thick, gritty white liquid onto a sponge and starting on Kakashi's back, reasoning it'd be harder to reach. "Or maybe if the mission was to keep casualties at a minimum."
"This will get rid of whatever's been attracting mosquitoes too, right?"
"That should have worn off by now, but yeah." Iruka scrubbed in circles. The stuff didn't foam much, so it was easy to see the pink start to fade. "I think you might just have to soak it out of your hair."
Kakashi nodded. "How long will the smell stick?"
"For this? Maybe a few hours. Have a nice long regular bath after this, soak it out, should go faster." Iruka started along the tops of his arms. "You might have a tiny tint to you, but you stay pretty covered anyway."
"Should I hold my breath with my head in a tub of it then?"
"Have you considered cosmetics?"
Kakashi harrumphed. "I don't do makeup."
"But you'll cast an illusion to hide the pink?"
"It's different."
"Is not."
"By that logic, Naruto is a cross-dresser,” Kakashi pointed out.
Iruka paused, then laughed. "Okay, so maybe it's not quite the same, but you're still changing your appearance out of vanity."
"Not vanity. Out of a desire to keep a personal conflict with my consort out of the public scrutiny." Kakashi scrubbed at his hands. "I'd think you'd appreciate that more than I do."
"Oh." Iruka had thought of that, but hadn't really thought that was the right reason. "Thank you."
"But I don't think it's working."
"Oh god- what happened now?" Iruka groaned.
"Just a hunch." Kakashi started to attack the green-blue smear on his arm. "It’s not like I saw some graffiti of us on a bathroom wall, or anything." He thought about that for a moment.
"You aren’t thinking of drawing some now, are you?"
"Well, not now," Kakashi said. "Though you’d make an adorable stick figure.”
“Yeah, adorably bent over in front of a stick figure of you…”
“Oh, I don’t know. Anko seems to think you’re the dominant one; she was trying to subtly ask me about it the other day.”
Iruka was quiet a moment, before starting to laugh. “Wha- how did she get that-” He paused. “Teacher’s lounge?”
“I have this horrible image of my name on the memorial, with an asterisk that leads to the line ‘Was caught screwing in the teacher’s lounge,’” Iruka mumbled.
“Well, you’d be remembered.” Kakashi turned, tilting his head. Iruka started to blush again after a moment. “Why are you blushing now, Ruru?”
“I don’t know.” Iruka turned his head away. “You look at me sometimes- and- I don’t know. You’re looking through me.”
Kakashi leaned forward, kissing him lightly on the lips. (His face wasn’t coated in the stuff, so this worked.) “So?”
“So- I don’t know.” Iruka kissed him back, eyes shutting. “You see all of me, I think, and that- I don’t know, makes me feel shy.”
Kakashi smiled, biting his lower lip. “You have too many sides for anyone to see them all, my Ruru.”
“Your Ruru.” Iruka nodded against the kiss. “I don’t mind you seeing whatever you see, I think.” He pulled away and started to scrub at a shoulder. “Let’s get this stuff off.”
Kakashi nodded and focused on his leg.
It was at some point, during this day, that Iruka stopped feeling paranoid about 'I love you,' or the word 'boyfriend.' Whether it was a totally conscious thing or not is debatable, but it stopped eating at the corner of his mind. Yes, he loved Kakashi, badly, but it wasn't quite unrequited anymore. Even if there had been no scale of importance provided, Iruka knew one did not put one’s self in the hospital over a fuck-buddy.
Besides, as he considered while Kakashi dried off and got semi dressed enough, it wasn't as if Kakashi didn't say anything-
"C'mere Ruru-" Kakashi’s arms slid around his waist and pulled him to the couch. A little bit of shifting and they were both comfortable, lying against each other nose-to-nose. Lips teased lips lazily and Iruka smiled broadly. "What now?"
"Nothing." Iruka kissed his neck softly. "Could get used to this whole lazing around without shirts thing, is all." He looked at his wrist for a moment and felt his mouth twitch. Damn tan-line… I'll show you tomorrow…
Kakashi looped his arms and shut his eyes. "Mmm. We have all of tomorrow too, you know." His hands touched Iruka’s back lightly. And the day after that, and the day after that. As many as I can manage, Ruru. His skin feels cool- He tugged at the throw on the back of the couch and pulled it over Iruka’s shoulders. Kakashi decided to stop pushing it off. Soon as Iruka went back to class, he had a letter to write.
Sakura overslept, then woke up in a panic around ten in the morning on Monday, thus totally obliterating her awesome dream involving peanut butter and a set of blonde, blue-eyed triplets. Probably a good thing she didn't remember it at all. Then she was scrambling into her clothes, cursing colorfully with all the newly learned words from her recreational reading. Then she was out her window again, hastily shoving a nice, thick, unopened comic book into her book sleeve as she hit the ground and took off running.
"Let-him-be-late-Let-him-be-late-" She really, really didn't want another death gardening assignment. Today’s … let’s see, a field, right? Yeah, they were supposed to meet in a field just a little past the bridge. She charged through the tall dead grass (at least the frost had melted off it) and nearly slammed her face into the dirt when she tripped over Naruto.
"Guh- I'm awake!" Naruto yelled, scrambling to his feet. "Oh- Sakura-"
And then he was helping her up and apologizing, apparently for being in the way.
"Why are you taking a nap out here?" Sakura asked, trying to get the dirt off herself.
"Upstairs tenant smelled smoke. Landlord turned the hose on me." Naruto said, yawning. He looked kinda tired. "So I curled up under the laundry inside and came here at sunrise. Sun made it warmer."
"Oh." Sakura said. "You can't find a better place?"
"Not really. There's always some form of legal roadblock." He didn't mention he'd once been denied a place because of 'a strict no pets policy' that had made NO sense at the time, as he'd been eleven and unaware of his fox. However, now it was kinda funny to think of the thing as a pet. "Too young, need a parent to sign for it-"
"Doesn't Sasuke have the same problems?"
"Sasuke inherited a clan’s worth of money. I think he owns the apartment building he lives in," Naruto said, adding 'and everyone loves him, remember?' under his breath mentally. He sat back down and yawned, looking at the sky. "I don't think he's gonna show up today."
Sakura sat across from him. "Probably not." Nenani had been snarling something under her breath about taking a week off, but at the time she'd assumed that the nurse had meant herself. "Hey- where's Sasuke?"
"You know- I don't know," Naruto said. "But I was asleep so he might actually be here."
Actually, Sasuke was there, but he was also asleep in a tree about fifty feet away. Paranoia was starting to kick in, but so was exhaustion.
Sakura looked around. "Maybe- Kakashi-sensei would say something if he showed up, right?"
"He might be here too." Naruto pointed out. "I was asleep."
"He hasn't hit me with his book yet."
"You haven't called him a worthless, lazy late bastard yet either." Naruto looked around. "Guess he's not here."
"Urgh. Wanna leave a note and get breakfast?" Sakura asked, trying to re-do her hair until it looked right.
"Go where? We can't leave the meeting place until eight hours have passed. That was the official time limit he agreed to."
"We could go fishing," Sakura said. "I didn't have dinner last night. Or breakfast. I'm hungry."
"Oh god, you're not on another diet, are you? Kakashi said to knock that off after the day you fainted."
"I didn't faint, I just got dizzy." Sakura said. "And I wasn't hungry yesterday because I didn't DO anything and I woke up late today."
"Oh. Okay fish sounds good." Naruto got up.
"Have you not been sleeping well?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I don't know. You seem weirdly distracted." Sakura said. "Kinda all this week, really."
Naruto shrugged. "It's been a weird two weeks. Everyone's distracted."
Well, that was true. Sasuke had been jumpy-ish, Kakashi had seemed irate and tired, and Naruto had been more confused than normal. Huh, guess you can pay attention over the edge of a book. They walked to the river.
"If you start I fire I'll try to get one." Naruto hopped onto a fallen log and walked along it until he could see into the river. "Hey, do we want the ones with the strips or the spots?"
"Stripes. The spotted ones are catfish and- well, okay, whatever you can catch." Sakura started up a small fire. It was easy, just kick clear some dirt on the riverbank and stack the drier wood up in a pyramid around some dry grass and leaves. She did cheat and use one of her new little jutsu to start it though. Not the most violent attack, but she was sure she'd find a use for making her finger-tip a small flame eventually. Then she heard the splash.
She turned her head just in time to see Naruto sputter and crawl back onto the log, with his hand grabbing the gills of a fish half his size. "Gah! What did you do!"
"I tried to get it to come close to the surface by wiggling my fingers and it tried to eat my arm!" Naruto said, walking back and trying to shake off some of the water. "Guess it worked though. This enough?"
Sakura blinked. "That thing’s huge. Yeah- sure- Umm- here I'll cut it up…" She pinned the flopper to the ground at the head and tail with kunai and started to sharpen a few sticks to roast it on. General plan was to cut off strips and cook those. Food food food… Inner Sakura cooed, wriggling. Yummy yummy foo- Oh dear god.
Naruto was trying to wring the water out of his jacket. He was doing this by twisting it between his knees and using his arms.
Sakura went back to her fish-cutting rather than be caught staring. However, with the wet black T-shirt on- Inner Sakura was giggling. “When’s the landlord going to fix the heat?”
“Meh. When he feels like it, usually. In a month or so.”
“But- it’s almost winter! You’ll freeze!”
“No I won’t. I haven’t yet.”
“That’s a poor example to use. Can’t you report him to someone?”
“He’s a pissy, cantankerous old bat of a man who’s clung to life for the last eighty-nine years. He doesn’t give a damn about his building rating,” Naruto started, trying to squeeze water out of his shirt next, without taking it off, stretching it and twisting it between his hands.
“Oh.” Sakura speared a piece of fish and drove the other end into the ground, tilting it towards the fire. “Well, you could insulate your place better, right? Pad the walls?”
“Never thought about it. Guess I should.” Apparently resigned to being soggy, he dropped to a crouch and started spearing chunks himself. “Do they sell stuff for that?”
“Hmm.” Sakura thought about it. “Not that they are supposed to be exposed, I don’t think, but you could nail up futons. It’d make it quieter too.”
Naruto though about the noisy upstairs couple that seemed to like to finish their arguments with loud, role-playing sex of the barn-yard variety and perked. “Sound-proof and warm? Cool.”
“Sure. I can help, if you want.” Sakura sat back, content to watch the fish turn from semi-translucent to opaque white, and then begin to brown. As an afterthought, she rooted into her bag until she found the small packet of standard-issue salt and tossed it over the meat.
“Isn’t that for field use?”
“It’s salt. I can refill it without a form. It’s the other powders that get expensive.”
“Oh, okay. It looked like that deep tissue wound junk.” Naruto was thinking of the small vial of light gray power used for arterial lacerations.
“Well, that has salt in it, I suppose.”
“Ow.” Naruto picked up a stick and started to nibble at the hot meat. “I guess if you needed it you wouldn’t really care if it stung though, right?” He waved the stick slightly and bit down on it. “Geh?” It was just a stick. “Hey!”
“Hand me another one, would you?” Sasuke asked, swallowing his stolen fish.
“Jerk,” Naruto grumbled, but he did so. “Where have you been?”
“Just got here,” Sasuke lied. He’d actually just woken up from the smell of cooking fish and followed his nose. He made a vague noise as thanks and started to munch away at the pretty much cooked fish. “Nice fish.”
“Thanks.” Naruto grinned.
“It tried to eat your hand,” Sakura said. “You didn’t pick it.”
Naruto shrugged. “I could have tossed it back.”
“It’s good.” Sasuke leaned against a rock, relaxing a little. “How many more hours until we can go?”
“Four,” Naruto said, stretching. “He’s never actually not shown up, has he?”
“Nope,” Sakura said.
“Maybe he died,” Sasuke commented, idly.
“God that’s a morbid thought,” Sakura said, making a face. “I doubt it.”
“Why? Death happens.” Sasuke shrugged.
“Yeah, but Kakashi-sensei is pretty healthy,” Naruto pointed out. “You’d have to kill him. I think you’d hear about a fight like that.”
“He might have choked,” Sasuke countered.
“What?” Sakura looked disturbed by the conversation.
“He might have choked.”
“On what? A hard candy?” Naruto asked, shaking his head.
A hard something, Inner Sakura tossed in lewdly, and Sakura nearly choked herself on the fish. A hand slapped right between her shoulder blades and she spit it out into the fire. She coughed lightly and turned to see Naruto kneeling next to her.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, just- I’m fine.”
“Okay.” Naruto turned his head back to Sasuke. “What could he choke on?”
“Have you ever seen him eat?
“No, have you?”
“No! That’s the point! He eats so fast no one sees it- maybe he choked on his cereal,” Sasuke said, taking another bite. “Or he puked in his mask and choked on that.”
Sakura gagged, but stopped Naruto from hitting her again. “Oh god just SHUT up- He’s not DEAD.”
“We don’t know that,” Sasuke said, a little ghoulishly. “Maybe the rats got him.”
“Okay, that’s just stupid. Do you really see ANYONE in this village losing to rats?” Naruto said. “I haven’t lost to the damn things; he’s not going to.”
“Shut up!” Sakura snapped, throwing a stick at Sasuke. He batted it away. “Gah! He’s not dead! It’s a stupid conversation!”
Naruto blinked. He had never, ever seen Sakura yell at Sasuke. Ever. Not once. And he really never thought he’d live to see the day she threw something at him. Awesome!
Sasuke didn’t seem to notice, but then he’d never really given a damn about it one way or another. He did, however notice Naruto smirking and glared at him. Naruto stuck out his tongue.
"Sasuke-bastard- knock it off. You sound way too hopeful."
"I'm not being hopeful," Sasuke said. It was true, he didn't actually want Kakashi to die… but if the man semi-asphyxiated therefore forgetting he was mad as Sasuke… well, now, that would be nice.
There was another hour of sitting around staring at the dying fire.
"I want ramen."
"Catch another fish if you're hungry." Sakura shrugged, tossing a leaf into the fire.
"I'm not hungry. I want ramen." Naruto tossed a bit of moss in, as apparently they'd been playing ‘see what burns in the most interesting ways.’
Sasuke tossed in a bit of fish skin. It crackled in place of his actually contributing to the conversation.
"That's weird."
"You never just wanted something because you knew it tasted good? What about candy?"
"That's not the same."
"Sure it is," Naruto said. "Ichiraku started importing some new ingredients. I want to try them."
"Now you're excited about something that might not taste good?"
"Telling you, it's like a new candy bar."
"I don't eat candy."
"You have to have had some at some point before you decided you needed to diet." Naruto flicked a bug off his foot and it hit the flame with a pop. "Ew."
"Well, yeah."
"You don't need to know what something is like to want it. Besides, it's ramen. You can't ruin it without serious effort." Naruto said. "Want isn't supposed to be logical, right?"
Sakura had to crush a weird sense of déjà vu from that sentence, but nodded. "I suppose. But the things you want aren’t always good for you."
"That depends on what you want and how much of it you want, doesn't it?" Naruto picked up a stick and poked the fire, sending up a streamer of sparks. "And what if you want something that'd be good for you?"
"Then you go get it," Sasuke interjected. "You'd do that same thing if it was bad for you."
"What if you knew it was bad for you?" Naruto asked.
"Then how bad do you want it? If you want it bad enough, you don't care if it's bad for you."
When did we stop talking about food? Inner Sakura asked, sighing. "What if what you want destroys you?" She mused.
"I doubt ramen will destroy me," Naruto mused.
"But your quest to be the Hokage might," Sasuke pointed out.
"That's not a want, that's a life goal," Naruto said, shaking his head. "You can't compare a life goal to ramen."
"But you want to be Hokage."
"No, I need to be Hokage to get what I want. Different. And if you really want to start in on criticizing life goals-"
Sasuke stopped talking after that.
Another hour passed. Sakura brought out her book and stretched out, leaning on the same rock as Sasuke had been at. Except Sasuke was now sitting on the end of the log skipping rocks across the river.
Oh- hey- come on now, hips don't bend that way- Inner Sakura groused. And if your hip ever bent that way you'd most certainly NOT have a grin like that on your face. "As if," she muttered to herself.
"As if what?"
Sakura jumped and slapped the book shut. Naruto was stretched out on the gravelly bank like a sunning cat, turning enough to fix his eyes on her. "Is there anything interesting in that
"Not really," she lied, putting it away before he could come over and try to see for himself. "It's quite dull."
"Oh. Okay. Why are you scoffing at it then?"
"It's just got this one part that's stupid, is all."
"Oh. How much longer?"
"Two hours." Sakura stomach growled at her.
"Want another fish?"
"No, dammit now I want ramen." She looked at the sky. "There aren’t even any clouds to stare at…"
"Let's go get some if he doesn't show then," Naruto said, shrugging. "My treat."
"All of us?" Sakura asked, not caring one way other the other.
"Hmm. Hey! Sasuke-bastard!" Sasuke didn’t look up. "Do you want ramen if sensei never shows? My treat!"
"Not really."
Naruto turned to Sakura and shrugged. "He doesn't wanna go. Who turns down free ramen anyway?"
Kitty-humping weirdoes… Inner Sakura supplied. Outer Sakura was glad she'd stopped parroting what her inner self said back when she was five. "Maybe he rather have barbecue."
"It's not a barbecue day. It's a ramen day."
"For you and me. Maybe Sasuke is having a barbecue day."
"Well, whose fault is that?" Naruto folded his hands behind his head. "Two more hours. I don't think he's going to show up."
"There wasn't a note back at the meeting place, was there? That we missed?"
"I don't think so. There wasn't when I got there…. He usually doesn't hide the notes."
"Well there was the one time-"
"Be he TOLD us the mission notes were scattered. He'd been -" Naruto coughed and did his best imitation of their teacher. "Sorry, sorry, I was assaulted by squirrels and the notes were scattered by a wayward wind goddess. It took some doing, but she didn't scatter them outside of town, so go look!"
Sakura clapped. "That's pretty good- do someone else!"
Naruto grinned and sat up. "Ookay- Umm…." He took a deep breath and put a hand on his chest. "Okay- ah- Sasuuuuke-KUN! Don't you want to ask me something- Oh- wait, I'll just grab your arm ’til the blood cuts off and-" Naruto stopped because Sakura was laughing.
"When did you learn to do that!"
"Well, I kinda- picked it up." Naruto shrugged. "I figured out how to sound like a girl for Oorike-"
"That's not a part of the jutsu?"
"Well, sounding female is, but to sound like a girly-girl takes more- I don't know- vowels. Then I got better at other voices." He brought up and arm and pointed it at her, giving her a thumbs up. "Sakura-Chan! I will protect you with the power of my brows!"
Sakura nearly snorted while giggling over that one. "Good job on Lee- can you do Gai?"
"Pfft- he's easy. Here- guess this one-" Naruto inhaled again and puffed, his hair bristling. "Who drew this on the board! Argh! Detention- all of you!"
"Iruka!" Sakura grinned. "But you know him- try someone you haven't talked to a lot-"
"Like who?"
"Umm- Shino!"
"I know Shino."
"But he doesn't talk much. It'd be harder than Kiba."
"I don't know, Kiba has a growl to his voice, it's a little hard to match." Naruto thought about it for a second. "Okay- here- 'I'm hopelessly in love with my team-mate Kiba!' How was that?"
"Good, but he's not."
"Yes he is."
"How do you know?"
"He told me when he thought I caught them in a broom closet," Naruto said. "Then he realized that I hadn't seen a damn thing and told me he'd make his bugs eat my skin if I told anyone a word of it- umm- don't tell him I told you."
"I won't- In a broom closet?"
"Apparently- Like I said, I didn't see anything. Poor Shino."
"Why poor Shino?"
"I think he's taking it more seriously than Kiba is. Kiba's head still whips around if a skirt goes by," Naruto said. "But he's staying loyal. I mean, Shino's the only guy that ever smells like Kiba. Except Kiba. So the mutts not rubbing up on anyone else."
"You can smell that?"
"Only because Kiba reeks," Naruto said, wrinkling his nose. The dog-boy made his brain itch when he was wandering around in heat. It was annoying as hell.
"I didn't know you had a sensitive nose like that."
"It's not that good," Naruto said. "I have to really focus to get older smells. It's just that- like I said- Kiba reeks and they're as bad as a couple of bunnies."
"I thought you'd never seen them, you know- together- how together?"
"Very together- and I hadn't when I found out. But once you're told it's obvious ..." Naruto grinned. "Just you wait- and never, ever go to a meal with them."
"Why not?"
"’Cause if you can't see both of Kiba’s hands, one's down-" Naruto stopped. "Umm, ‘cause."
Sakura blushed. "They're that brash?"
"Kiba is."
Note to self: Go to dinner with them. Drop utensils and see them panic. "Okay. Wow. Poor Shino."
"It's not like he doesn't have fun too though," Naruto said. "But it's a fairly one-sided love affair."
"It's like hearing about a Greek tragedy."
"I didn’t know the Greeks wrote tragic gay porn."
"Not that part! The whole- un-returned love aspect. Like Echo."
"Echo, the nymph that fell in love with the man who loved his own reflection. Or dryad… One of those elemental tarts the Greeks like to use so much. They usually end up trees and so forth." Sakura had his attention, so she continued. "She loved him, and he loved himself, so she wasted away ‘til all that was left was her voice."
"Why didn't he listen to her?"
"Well, she pissed off a god at some point and could only repeat- anyway that's not important, it's just a sad story that matched the current situation."
"But Shino could tell him. I just think he won't," Naruto said.
"Why not?"
"It might scare Kiba away?"
"That's kinda stupid."
"Well, if Kiba is just having fun- he might not want Shino in love with him."
"Huh. If too many more boys hook up with other boys we might not have enough kids to create a new generation," Sakura mused.
"Who else has hooked up?" Naruto asked- relatively sure that he was not being referred too.
"Um-" Ohh snap- don't say Iruka-argh- half truth! Half truth! "Well, Kakashi has a new boyfriend-"
"Gyuh?" Naruto’s jaw dropped.
Sasuke got himself ready to dive into the river and swim to safety if Sakura told.
"He had an OLD boyfriend?" Naruto nearly choked on air.
"I just heard about it recently. Might only be a rumor. But he has been acting funny lately."
Naruto looked rather stunned. "D'ya think he dyed himself pink to impress the guy?"
"I have no idea why he's pink," Sakura said honestly. "I don't think it was on purpose and he didn't want to talk about it. And he didn't want to talk about it in that 'don't ask me anything about it, relating to it, or near it' tone of voice."
"Oh." Naruto laid back down, staring that the non-existent clouds.
Another hour went by.
"That one looks like a puppy," Naruto declared, pointing suddenly.
"What does?" Sakura asked, tilting her head and trying to figure out if he was pointing at a bird.
"That cloud."
"There are no clouds, dobe." Sasuke had joined them in staring that the blank blue sky.
"But if there WAS a cloud, it'd look like a puppy." Naruto said, grinning.
"Then that cloud looks like me beating you up. Again," Sasuke said, pointing elsewhere.
"That one looks like me in the monument."
"Painting it?" Sakura asked.
"Nope- just carved in it where I belong. That one looks like Kakashi’s head."
"Does not." Sakura grinned, deciding to play. "It's a bush."
"Same thing."
"Is not. Kakashi’s head would look- umm, fluffier."
"That one looks like Fluffers." Naruto said.
"Shut it, dobe."
"It does."
"Does not."
"Does too."
"Look, it's Pakkun!" Sakura cut in. The both stopped.
"Huh. She's right, you know." Sasuke said.
"Yep." Naruto said, sagely. There was a pause and they all had to laugh at how stupid it all was. Even Sasuke, who just chuckled loudly and covered his face with his hands.
"This is just sad." Sakura said. "We should do something."
"No, we should have done something," Sasuke corrected. "It's too late now. The will to move is gone."
"Yeah- what he said," Naruto agreed. "Sparing might have been a good idea a few hours ago. Now it's cloud watching time."
"Not the best day for it." Sakura said.
"Hey, I like your Pakkun. It's got his scowl perfect." Naruto stretched. "I'll bring cards next time. And food."
"It's a good picnic day. Let's get the ramen to go," Sakura said, still hungry. Or rather, she was hungry again.
"You don't picnic with ramen. Picnics are for roasted squid on a stick and lemonade." Naruto said.
"Can you bring ramen with that?" Sasuke asked.
"Hmm. Okay." Naruto nodded. "You could."
"I'll get other food if you find a blanket and pick up ramen- sound fair?" Sakura asked.
"Sure. What type of ramen do you want?"
"I don't know- what's good?"
The next hour was spent with Naruto lecturing on the different types of ramen. The lecture continued until she stopped at the store and he had to keep going to get a blanket and pick up said noodles of the gods.
And, bless his fluffy blonde head, he was all the way back to the grassy spot by the bridge that Sakura had picked before it sunk in that this counted, technically, as 'date' like. So he had to run home and change his underwear, run in frantic circles, grab everything and take off in the hopes he wouldn't be late. Crap- should I bring flowers? Gah- what was the rule? It's only a date if she thinks it's a date… Oh hell who should even ASK about this-
Sasuke, meanwhile, got halfway in his front door and had three bags of flour explode at him. He was coughing and hacking when Kakashi kicked him merrily down the stairs and tossed him his mission scroll. His mission scroll was one of those huge, massive things, and seemed to be weighed down with lead.
And Sakura- who was trying to decide what type of mochi would go with strawberry lemonade, and waiting for the guy to box up the squid, and balancing a small box of onigiri she'd grabbed just because realized that, yes, this might be considered date-like. And grinned.
Kakashi grinned. The muted squawks Sasuke had made while being dragged to the forest by his foot had been satisfying as hell. The real pain started tomorrow night, true, but a day sweating it out in the woods would be fun. He fairly skipped (except Kakashi would never skip, ever) all the way to Iruka’s house.
Only to find Iruka not there. Hmm. Kakashi noted the nicely folded clothes on the kitchen counter, and the open window, and stuck his head outside. Nothing. No, wait- there was a ticking…. Very soft.
He climbed out the window and swung up to the roof, following the ticking. He stopped when he got to the valley of two spines.
There, perfectly content to sprawl face down on a few towels on the tile was Iruka. Naked Iruka. Naked, slightly shiny from some form of sunning oil Iruka. Who apparently had gone up there with a towel around his waist.
"Gyuh-" Kakashi nearly feel back off the roof, but didn't. The ticking was coming from a small timer. It dinged and Iruka’s arm lazily came up and slapped it, resetting it to ten minutes as he rolled over, apparently still more or less asleep. Cheater. No wonder he's such a nice color- even his- gyuh-
The 'gyuh' in question was lazily flopped on Iruka’s thigh, apparently tanning as well. Kakashi paused a moment to admire the view. Then another moment. By the third moment, his own gyuh was starting to remind him that it happened to be injured as hell and didn't want to play right now. He sat down and wondered if Iruka was planning on waking up. Or, rather, how long he was going to have to sit here drooling over this fabulous piece of meat before he just jumped said meat. The timer dinged again and Iruka rolled back over.
Kakashi grinned, sneaking forward carefully and resetting the timer to half an hour. Then he slunk back down inside, rummaged, found what he was looking for, came back, acted on his evil impulses and went back inside, grinning and waiting.
Iruka came in sputtering mad. He saw Kakashi and yelled, throwing the timer at his head. "Dammit- you- the- ARGH!"
"I thought it was cute."
"Drawing 'Property of Henohenomohiji' on my ass in sun-block is not cute!" Iruka fumed, throwing a towel at him next. Kakashi grinned. "And wipe that smile off your face you-"
"I gave Sasuke his assignment."
"Oooh- really?" Iruka said, distracted. "No- wait, you can tell me about it later. I'm still mad at you."
Kakashi stood up from his sprawl on the couch and advanced on Iruka in a manner that shut him up. Iruka resisted the urge to take a step back and stood his ground instead until Kakashi was nose to nose with him. "Do you have to be mad?" he asked, voice in a careful purr.
"At least a little…" Iruka said stubbornly, holding his towel in place. Kakashi set his hands to Iruka’s waist, fingers brushing exposed hip-bones. Iruka squeaked a little when he got pushed against the wall.
"Mm." Kakashi nuzzled his neck happily. "Are you done being mad yet?"
"Kakashi- dammit you're still purple, you can't even DO anything-" Iruka protested, squirming a little.
"So don't get me started until you can follow through," Iruka said, sliding his arms around Kakashi’s waist regardless. "And don't write things on my ass."
"Why not? You can write things on mine. Unless you were planning on mooning someone soon it shouldn’t be a problem." Kakashi tugged down his mask and started to nibble at his ear. "And just because I can't DO anything dramatic to you doesn't mean I can't, or won't, enjoy you. You're all warm and sun-flavored now."
"You almost left me out there too long- I could have burned."
"I would have gone up there in a few minutes to get you if you were going to flip a few more times."
"I should write something on you."
"Should I turn around and drop trou?"
"No, I'll wait ‘til you're sleeping."
"So long as it's not visible."
"It will be as hard to spot as that damn hickey." Iruka let his eyes shut as Kakashi started to nip then lick at the spot in question.
"Not reassuring, Ruru," Kakashi mumbled, going down the line of his neck. He stopped low enough for it to be out of sight and gave a firm nip before sucking at it, then lapping at it until the sting faded. Then he claimed his mouth, and persisted until Iruka had stopped even token protests and was tangling his fingers in messy white hair. Somehow this mass of limbs had migrated to sprawl on the couch again.
Finally they quit, lips reddened and damp from contact, bodies snuggly fitted. Iruka nuzzled into the crook of his neck. "Kakashi, I-"
But before Kakashi could think of a way to stop him, there was a bang at the door. Iruka’s head jerked up.
"Geh! Pants!" He scrambled towards the kitchen, towards his clothes.
"Iruka-sensei! If you're in there, this is an emergency!" Naruto yelled, banging on the door. Iruka nearly killed himself but he got both pants and his shirt on by the time he got to the noisy brat. He half-opened the door then whipped his head around, looking for Kakashi. Kakashi who was, ah, gone…
Oh- whatever- “Hey Naruto, what's wrong?"
"I think I have a date!" Naruto said, crashing in and dumping a large comforter, six covered bowls of ramen, and a box of something. "I don't know what to do! I mean- I got clean underwear but-"
"That's a good first step." Iruka said, stuffing his hair back into a ponytail. "Who’s the lucky girl?"
"It's Sakura- but I don't know who asked who out!"
"I said it was Sakura!"
"I heard that, it's the other part that makes no sense."
"Well, we re talking about ramen and clouds and want and stuff because Kakashi-baka-bastard-lazy- " A few more insults went here and from his seat outside Iruka’s window, Kakashi debated drilling the brat with a shoe. "Anyway he didn't show up so we just hung around until we left and somehow I'm having a picnic with Sakura. Help!"
"Just relax and be yourself." Iruka said, trying to pick out individual words.
"I've been myself at her for eight damn years! It hasn't worked yet!"
"Well, it worked today, didn't it?"
"Not very damn well. For all I know, she just wants to pump me for information on frigging Sasuke."
"Would you really know anything she doesn't?"
"Not that she would know about." Naruto grumbled. "But- What do I do? It's a picnic- should I bring flowers?"
"Well, do you have anything nicer to wear? Anything else?"
"Else?" Naruto gave him a blank-eyed NO.
"Okay- yeah, forgot your wardrobe. Unless you want my old clothes-"
"But- Okay- here, sit here I'll get them- what are you going to talk about?" He walked into his room to rummage in the closet…
"I don't know!" Naruto yelled, sitting on the couch. Iruka heard it squeak as the boy sat and silently prayed that there weren't any fluid stains on it, or ice cream spots…
"Okay, here, this is what I have that should fit you." He handed the wad to Naruto. "Look, here-"
"Should I change in the bathroom?"
The bathroom tub was still a little pink. "You don't have time- here, I'll stand over here. Change fast." Iruka stood next to the window, setting his hand on the ledge and staring that horizon, exhaling.
"Okay-" Naruto started changing, Iruka could hear the fabric being pushed around and waited ‘til-
"Geh-" He made a noise, softly as he could and tried to pull his hand away. Mostly because Kakashi had pulled it off the ledge and licked his fingers. "Stop that-" He said softly.
Kakashi grinned up at him, eye gleaming wickedly.
"Iruka-sensei, the shirt doesn't fit!"
Iruka pulled, away, or tired to, but Kakashi didn't let go of his hand. At least he'd stopped licking it- "Which shirt?"
"Well, the fishnet one stretches but the other one’s a little too narrow at the shoulders." Naruto said. "That pants fit though!"
"You're lucky I wore ‘em rolled up… It looks okay. It's all clean, anyway." Iruka said, looking him over. The pants fit nicely, but the fishnet was stretched. "Where did you put your jacket?" Naruto grabbed for it- but Iruka stopped him. "No, no, you can't wear that with those pants- hold on-" He went back to his closet (after jerking his hand free), way into the corner and pulled out-
A black jacket. He looked at other things, quickly, but they were either too big or- geeh- toooo kinky to admit to owning them. The jacket though, leather, not overly buckled, but roughed up enough to 'cool'. Should fit him…fit me for years and I wore it taunt… should be looser on him, that's hip right now right? Like anyone says hip… goooood god I'm old- He made a face at mortality and tossed the jacket to Naruto through the door. "Here, keep it. It doesn't even fit anymore."
"Wow- you have a leather jacket?"
He had three, but that wasn't an important thing right now. "Yes, yes I do."
"This is awesome!" Naruto looked up, grinning. Iruka had an urge to really punk him out- mascara, gel his hair, punk bracelets- but didn't really intend to act on it.
"That works, right?" he asked instead.
"Ye-yeah! But what do I talk about?"
"Why your nutty teacher has a black leather jacket- when are you supposed to get there?"
"Um- as soon as I got the ramen I was supposed- ah! I'm late! Thank you!" He grabbed all his things and ran.
"Leave your other clothes!"
Iruka found himself ducking wadded, wrinkled clothes as Naruto charged down the hall. He grinned after him. "Good luck!" With an exhale he shut the door and sat on the couch- onto Kakashi’s lap. "You jerk."
"You just have such temping hands." Kakashi caught one. "That was a rather nice jacket."
"It's old. Doesn't fit."
"What else do you have?"
Iruka kissed him lightly, through the mask. "I'll put on a whole fashion show once you're better, okay?"
"How fashionable?"
"I'll get out the boots and spikes and make-up and everything. Personal slave for a night, okay?" Iruka smiled coyly. "Unless you have other outfits you'd like to see?"
"Guh-" Kakashi winced at the sudden, simulated kick to the groin that offer brought. "Tease."
"I'm not teasing, it's a promise," Iruka said seriously, or as seriously as anyone offering to play dress-up for his or her boyfriend can be. Love you.
Kakashi decided that particular look in Iruka’s eyes was very much worth the fact he needed an ice pack. "I'll hold you to that, you know. And it's not costing me an anything."
"That's fair."
"Okay then." Love you back.