Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Side Effects: heiwa no Jutsu ❯ RUFFLES ( Chapter 19 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Sasuke sat against a tree in the middle of a clearing. He had a kunai in one hand, and dropped it, the tip sinking into the root with a thonk. He yanked it out, lifted it a foot, and dropped it again. Thonk.

Thonk.

The squirrel, apparently tired, was asleep on his head.

Thonk.

Eight days of this.

Thonk.

He was exhausted. He'd never used sharigain for that long but his tormentors had a knack for knowing when he was starting to feel safe and- and-

Dear god, he wasn't sure which of them had made that Naruto clone but he was pretty sure he should fucking report them for some sort of indecency- no teacher should be able to picture a student that way, especially NOT his dobe.

Thonk.

At least, according to the mission scroll -(the one that was.. sticky…. He was pretty sure it was honey- god, he prayed it was honey. It had to be honey the only reason it was there was to attract bears, right? God if it was one more illusionary horny mammal he was going to snap and slide back into his dead-family-nightmare-coma on purpose and that was just SAD)- the mission scroll said snipe season was over in ten days. So he only had two more days of this….

Thonk. Thonk. Thonk.

Someone was coming. Sasuke didn't bother to look up. It was either Kakashi checking o this status or a Naruto fake or- or- a bear or- or-. Sasuke sniffled rather miserably, hating his cold. Stupid cold. Stupid dobe who'd had it first and passed it on. Stupid Kakashi. Stupid headache. Stupid Chakara flares that made his brain hurt to look at with his eyes `on', Stupid chakra flares that activated trap scrolls when he didn't have his eyes on.

“Hey.”

Sasuke looked up and blinked. “Didn't you're stupid boyfriend take enough pictures of me suffering to satisfy you?”

“Mmm-hmm. He did, actually but I heard you got sick.” Iruka held out a blanket. “Ready to go home yet?”

Sasuke looked up at him sullenly for a moment, eyes turning red. It was almost hard to see the change, as bloodshot as they were, but he started at Iruka for a long moment, making sure it was him. “Yes?”

“Alright, let's get you home then. You look like you could use some good food too- I- ah-“

Eight days of Snipe hunting had worn Sasuke down. Iruka blinked down at the very nearly weeping genin getting snot on his vest. “I'm sorry I'm sorry!”

“You could have gotten me fired. Or reprimanded severely, you know.” Iruka used the blanket to semi wrap Sasuke then let him keep clinging.

“I'm sorry I'm sorry-“ Sasuke kept chanting it. “I was just mad at him and- “ More sniffs, he was probably trying to control it again.. “I was just, just. I was so mad- I'm sorry I'm sorry!”

Iruka crumbled more. Technically he'd already crumbled when he'd noticed Sasuke sniffling back his cold, but to see the normally stuck up little prig bawling was just wrong. “Why were you even that mad?”

“Be- because of the stupid jutsu-“ The squirrel on Sasuke's head dropped down to curl up in his collar and he didn't even flinch. “That- stupid lazy- and- I'm sorry I'm soorrry!”

Iruka contemplated it was probably a good idea, in the future, not to ask Kakashi for explanations of things while tottering home focused on trying not to walk funny. “Can you explain that a little better?”

“There's this- stupid- useless, worthless jutsu that some pervert made up-“

Iruka heard Sasukes side of the story. It should be noted that even emotional unstable to a spectacular degree, he managed to do this in a truly artful manner that left out the fact Sasuke was screwing Naruto, but included Kakashi teaching it to Naruto who passed it on to Sasuke. After a little hedging he included the stupid, stupid fucking cat too.

Iruka just nodded, said “I see,” and took Sasuke home. He was very calm, even made tea, then left. And went home.

!O.o! I give up! I surrender to your dancing! ~^.^~ damn right!

“KAKASHI!” Iruka was yelling it before he was even fully in the door, was yelling it the second he was inside. “What the hell is the matter with you!?” He located the man standing in the kitchen and set his feet apart, eyes shut and inhaling. “You taught Heiwa to a minor? You- fucking reckless son of a bitch-“ He ranted for a rather long time While Kakashi stood there, shifting weight from foot to foot and waiting. He finally had to inhale, eyes snapping open. “Well what the hell do you have to say for yourself you- you-“ His tone changed about here, from rage to dumb-founded. “You- you- you're- ehh?”

Kakashi shifted his weight in a way that mad allllll the little ruffles and layers sway. “Well, you were just so damn cute in that skirt I wanted a fun outfit too.”

“But- I…” Iruka stammered and stopped. “I'm mad at you.” He finished lamely.

“I noticed.” Kakashi set the feather duster down carefully on the table. “May I explain myself?”

Iruka took a pillow off the couch and buried his face into it, nodding. “Okay, go ahead.” His voice was muffled.

Kakashi paused. “Umm, what are you doing?”

“I can't look at you when you're in- in- that! Just tell me how you're excuse your, your-“ The words here were muttered but it was probably insulting. “Behavior. While I try to picture you covered in dead rats and potato bags.”

Even with his eyes covered he could hear all the silk rustle as Kakashi sat down in the only other chair in the living area. Iruka tried not to picture it. “If the little brat had only been attacking me with a stunt like that it would have been one thing. But he involved you. I get, ah, annoyed, when people I care about get dragged into my problems.”

Iruka nodded into the pillow. “You don't think that was overkill?”

“Iruka, you'll have to lift your head to talk, I can't understand you that well.”

Iruka lifted his head and covered his eyes with his hands. “That wasn't overkill? You let him learn a jutsu without warning him what the hell happens and then you're insulted when he gets pissed off?”

“He attacked the careers of two teachers. He attacked you personally to get to me. No, I don't think it was.”

Iruka peeked though a crack in his fingers and saw a flash of striped, near neon panties between Kakashi's thighs in his not-even-remotely modest sitting position. Oh fuck me. “Why did you lie to me then?” Ha- there I can be indignant about that! He was very thankful for the pillow that was now in his lap. “You lied to me about it- If I'd know the whole story I wouldn't have let you do half of those traps.”

“I didn't lie. I just, neglected a few facts. And possibly left out details. It's habit by now.” The secondary message here being `A shinobi like me is not good at sharing. Sniff.' Iruka didn't buy that for a second.

“Liar. You thought I'd yell at you.”

“You did.” Kakashi pointed out.

“Oh. Well, you deserved it.”

“Alright. And how will you punish me Sensei?”

“Gyuh- Don't say that!”

“You right, it's inappropriate. I almost got the schoolgirl outfit but thought you'd react like that. How about Ruru-sama?”

“Let me be serious!”

“I'm not being serious?”

“I'm mad at you.” He didn't sound so sure of that. “You planned this.” Almost whining.

“Mm, yes, but not the you coming in and yelling at me. I though you left to get groceries. I wanted to see if I could get you to drop eggs.”

“You would've. I sent Sasuke home.”

“Mm. I figured.” Rustle. Rustle. Kakashi had stood up.

“I'm still mad at you. Really.” Iruka meeped when the pillow was stolen and replaced with Kakashi straddling his legs. Iruka kept his hands firmly over his eyes.

“Okay. You can be mad.” Kakashi cooed it. “Ruru-Sama.”

“Your Ruru.”

“Mine.” Kakashi nodded as if that statement should be glaringly obvious.

“Brat.”

“Your brat.”

Iruka opened his eyes, looking through his fingers. “Utterly spoiled.”

“Yep.”

“Where did you find a lace edged mask?”

“I had to add that myself.”

“It's a nice touch.” Iruka put a finger over where Kakashi's lips where, starting at the black cloth. “Silk mask-“

“That they had. They just didn't have lace on them.” Kakashi sounded a little smug. Iruka kissed him through the cloth.

“It's nice.” He mumbled. “Headbands frilly.” It was, pale cream silk with cream lace. Wasn't white, like Iruka had thought before, it was cream colored.

“Came with the apron and the petticoats.”
Iruka ruffled the edge of the petticoats a little, feeling the silk. His hands slid down a little, touching the stockings Kakashi had acquired, his fingers felt the clasps that hooked them to garters. Garters, how very thorough of Kakashi. Sexy ass cream stockings and red high heels. Thick, fluffy petticoats under a short black skirt. Cream apron. Sexy, sexy little lace fingerless gloves, red nail polish. Yep… “A maid. How'd you even know?”

“I guessed. I'm a good guesser.” Not only were the nails red, they were fakes, expertly put on so Kakashi had long, red nails. His skin felt softer, he must have given himself a manicure. “But even if I was wrong, I didn't think you'd say no.”

“Oh. No I suppose I wouldn't.” Iruka would have been embarrassed that he'd gotten aroused that fast if he'd had a brain cell left to care. As it was, when Kakashi shifted a little closer, crushing fabric between them, he was just glad to have warmth pressing down on him. “Kakashi-“ He nearly whimpered when Kakashi rocked down on him. Oh hell, make up too. Not a lot, but there was definite shading on his eyes once Iruka pushed the lacy headband off, a slight pink tint to his lips when the mask came down.. His hair had been, well, it'd been somethinged because it was lighter and wispier than normal. Maybe it'd just been brushed different. Whatever. He tasted like berry lipgloss when Iruka set his lips to Kakashi's, moaning in his throat. “I need you.”

“Yes Ruru-sama." He chuckle and added, "My Ruru-sama."

"Brat. I'm going to be mad at you tomorrow." He bit Kakashi's lip softly, taking utter delight in sliding his hands up Kakashi's legs and slipping under the ruffles. “You shaved too,, didn't you?”

“Waxed, actually. But that's a one time thing, so don't get spoiled.”

“Okay.” Iruka squeezed and kneaded at the wonderfully silk covered ass for a minute. His actions made Kakashi rock a little. Iruka could feel the panties getting stretched from Kakashi tenting the material. “What there anything you missed?” Iruka started to kiss at the exposed patch of skin below Kakashi's earlobe. He got the earlobe too for good measure.

“Waxing or for the uniform?”

“For your uniform.”

“I decided not to get fake boobs. That was about it.”

“Good. This is sexier.” Iruka stopped only to shed his vest and hai-ate, letting Kakashi take care of the ponytail, ruffling the hair loose. His hands went to Kakashi's waist, feeling silk over relaxed and firm belly muscles. Then his hands were sliding around, feeling the bow carefully. “Heh.” Iruka chuckled softly, nuzzling Kakashi's neck, also covered in thin, soft silk. Hell he was nearly wrapped in the stuff. “Heheh-“ He had to stop a moment, trying not to giggle.

“Mmm?”

“Nothing- just-“ Iruka laughed quietly and stood up suddenly, hands gripping Kakashi's legs and bringing him up as well. “You're always this thorough?”

“When I feel the situation calls for it-“ Kakashi didn't seem phased at being picked up, just tightened his legs on Iruka's waist and gripped at his shoulders. “Where are you taking me Ruru-Saama?” he did his best to sound more concerned than amused.

“To the bedroom, so I can properly explore you, my brat.” He opened the door with his foot and sat Kakashi on the corner of the bed, going back to kissing at his neck, then his lips. Iruka's hands went back to Kakashi's legs, stroking upwards, pushing ruffles out of the way. “You know my maid fetish was usually directed at girls-“ He mumbled, setting a knee on the bed.

“Should I change that too?”

“No!” Iruka looked vaguely shocked and shook his head rapidly, lust abating for a second. “No- don't you dare! I just-“ He blushed. “Was just saying… Hadn't actually forced this fantasy on you in my head.”

Kakashi chuckled. “I didn't think you had, from the look on your face when it sunk in.” He caught Iruka's face between his hands. “Too cute.” Iruka blushed harder but moaned into the kiss as Kakashi's tongue glided once over his lips before pushing insides to tease at the roof of his mouth. The lace covered palms at his jaw and those long nails scraping his ears were surreal, layered over that Kakashi-flavored, squirming probing tongue. Iruka was panting as Kakashi pulled away. “I don't think I've told you that yet. That's you're cute.”

Iruka frowned a tad. “I'm not cute.”

“Yes you are. You're fucking adorable and I want you.” His face was tilted up when he said this, because with Iruka's leg there it just worked out that way. He slid a gloved hand down and tugged at Iruka shirt, un-tucking it and pushing his hand up underneath. The lace was a new texture across the planes of Iruka's stomach, he shifted it to rub at shoulder blades and let his bitch nails dig into that perfect bronze skin. Iruka hissed a little and he dug in more before relaxing his fingers.

“You're gorgeous.” Iruka paused. “Um, I mean- well, you are. You always are though.” Kakashi's other hand slide under the shirt and well, nails in Iruka back making him lean forward enough Kakashi could take his mouth again. Iruka settled for running his fingers through Kakashi's hair and shivered. It was always soft, but- jeez, it felt as silky as all the other fibers on the man. Okay, the hair thing I might request he do more often- He leaned forward more and suddenly Kakashi was leaning backwards, pulling him down and crushing the petticoats between them. Iruka pulled away, remembering something. He sat up a little and slip his hands back under the skirt, flipping it up as Kakashi shifted a leg to dig a five inch heel into the covers. Iruka blushed again, making Kakashi chuckle. “T-tangerine?”

“Mm. Red's a clichÃ© and I don't wear thongs.” Kakashi shuddered as Iruka's hands cupped him through the thing, stretched material that was barely staying in place as it was.

“But the stripes?”

“I've heard they were flattering.” He tried to sound blasÃ© about this but was rather betrayed by the fact he lifted his hips into the touch and moaned.

Okay. Maybe the panties too… Iruka thought, rubbing then squeezing lightly just to see Kakashi squirm a little, cheeks pinking up more. His turns his hand so his fingers could trace the border of the material while his palms pressed into the straining erection. The straps of the garters seemed to frame a perfect area of tender inner thigh so Iruka used his other hand to moles- ah, caress that. “Fuck- Kakashi-“ He flushed when Kakashi laughed and realized he's said it out loud.

“General idea, Ruru-saa-“ He moaned loudly, deliberately when Iruka squeezed again, then cooed out, “Or I could take you. Either way, I'm going to see if I can make you forget your name.” Either way I should have brought a camera. Dammit. I remember the lace for the mask and I forget the DAMN camera,,,, “Either way you're screaming.”

“S'not like it's that hard, for you to do that to me.”

“Doesn't make it less enjoyable-“ Kakashi reached a hand out and set it on Iruka's neck, and blinked. Through the high neck of the shirt- he could feel- Oh my sexy little Ruru, such a naughty little creature. Love you love you- He moaned and gripped the collar though the fabric, yanking until their lips collided. Even with their lips impacting he could feel Iruka's satisfied smirk and Kakashi growled into it. A surge of strength and motion and Iruka was on his back, his hands seeking purchase at Kakashi's waist while his mouth was very nearly raped. Enamel hit enamel with a slight click.

Damn silk- Iruka had to grip the ties that kept the lacy little apron on to yank Kakashi's hips against his properly, grinding upwards while submitting to the kiss. Kakashi took a gasp and Iruka turned his head away a little, eyes sparkling. “I was wearing that thing all day you know. You never came by at lunch.”

“How very-“ veryveryvery- “Stupid of me.”

“Must have been playing dress up at the time.” Iruka arched his back and jerked up against Kakashi's hips. “I wanted to desecrate my desk too.” A completely fuckable pout, perfectly timed. “I wanted to be taken on it.”

“Gyuh-“ Okay collar trumps skirt fuck him you idiot! Kakashi would have moved to do just that except- Why is he still dressed? Grah! “Shirt off!” He barked out the order and slide down, jerking at Iruka's pants in a nearly frantic manner.

“Shoes first Kakashi-“ Iruka obeyed though, pulling the shirt (it was actually one of Kakashi's, he kept stealing them) off and putting it to the side. Putting meaning tossing it in the general area he tried to toss all their clothes during sex.

Kakashi rolled his eyes and obeyed, having to stop and undo the heavy wool blended strips Iruka was starting to use at the bottom of his pants due to the colder weather. It only took a second but it was enough to calm him down a tiny, tiny bit. Off with the shoes, the thigh holster, then the pants. He'd been lectured on where to throw those after a pair had gone out the window a few days ago so onto the pile they went.

Then he stopped, just to enjoy the view. Iruka sat up, naked except for the collar and looked at him intently for a moment. “Well?”

“Mm- yes?”

“Well, what are you looking at?”

“You.”

Iruka flushed for a second, shifting. He then, to Kakashi's near-total amusement, got onto his hands and knees and stretched out his arms, arching his back and biting his lip. “Better?” He blushed a little more and made an attempt to look sultry..

Kakashi laughed and was behind him, suddenly, leaning over him, petticoats caressing his back and ass and hips while Kakashi's tongue hit at his spine. Iruka laughed and squirmed, rocking his hips back. He could feel the heat of Kakashi's erection as a clear indication of position as opposed to all the other silk against him, and tried to rub into it but Kakashi was sliding backward. “Ahh-“ Teeth sunk into his side, at his ribs and he squirmed. Those lace covered palms were dragging down his stomach, and Iruka made a note to ask Kakashi to wear his other gloves more often. That feel far too good- Those lovely spots of warmth and texture slid lower, then proceeded to make Iruka protest as they totally bypassed his nether regions to run along the outside of his legs. “Ah-ahh-” His stomach felt filled with bats though he didn't know why.

“Did you just whimper?”

“No, I protested.” Iruka tried to move, maybe to turn, to push up against Kakashi and grinds against him, but the hand son his legs were now hands on his hips, freezing him in place. Iruka wriggles against the hands anyway, just a little, to force Kakashi to hold on a little harder. Sure one good kick backwards and he could be free but, that wasn't the point, now was it?

“You shouldn't.”

Kakashi's teeth again, this time on his ass. Iruka yelped a little. Cocky bastard better get to whatever the hell he's got planned. Pressure increased before Kakashi pulled away a mere inch or three and Iruka was quite certain he was going to have a mark. Oh well. He tried to prop himself up properly, up on all fours so he didn't feel quite so much like he was merely waving his tush in the air. However, Kakashi seemed to like his current position, and bit him again, catching one of Iruka's wrists and pulling it to him. Iruka made a vaguely disgruntled noise. “Kakashi you brat!”

“I'm sorry Ruru-Sama, did you say something? I'm a little distracted with the view.” He licked the now nearly neon red mark cheerfully.

“Kaaashiiiiiiiiiiiiii do something!” Iruka felt almost helpless, steamrolled by lust.

“I'm going to. I have a plan.”

“Oh fuck.” It was muttered into the mattress.

“Whaaaat. Ruruuuuu-samaa-“ He teased out the words and Iruka harrumphed into the sheets. “Don't you trust my plans?” With Iruka's knee spread for balance reaching up and caressing his dangly bits was very easy. He squeezed lightly and Iruka squeaked.. Oh fun he's in a squeaky mood today. Lovely. Let's try for a `meep' next. He pressed the pads of his first two fingers from his free hand to Iruka's almost unfairly tight entrance. (the words unfairly tight are used because Iruka, whether on purpose or automatically, seems bent on healing himself to near-virgin levels of tight.) The pressing was coupled with another caress and squeeze got him an-

“Eep!”

Damn. That's not it. Kakashi sighed and flicked out his tongue, then pressed the tip of it to the aforementioned entrance, letting his tongue flatten against it in a swipe before-

“MEEP!” Iruka went absolutely still and the meep sounded like it'd been forced out of him by all the muscles in him tightening at once. The feeling, the warm heat- much like the maid outfit this wasn't a sexual act he'd ever even pictured his brat, his Kakashi, doing. And it was suddenly too much, to much subservience. What the screaming fuck am I doing?

Mwhahah, that was a good one too. Kakashi grinned and intended, fully to follow through on this course of action, using his fingers and tongue to lazily violate the absolutely endearing rear of his collar-wearing wet-dream incarnate. Except Iruka proceeded to reacted (once the first shock wore off) in what (he thought) was a perfectly natural reaction. He kicked Kakashi in the chest. Luckily, he did this after making his hips buck so hard Kakashi lost his grip on some rather fragile orbs or they might have been seriously damaged. Being rather startled he let himself roll with the impact, landing off the bed on his feet in a semi crouch. Just in time to see and hear the bathroom door shut as Iruka had, apparently, made a dive for it. “The fuck?!” He nearly cleared the bed to attempt to open the door, but it swung inward and Iruka kicked it shut again. “Iruka what the hell?”

“You can't put you're tongue- ah- THERE! That's what!” And your in a fucking maid outfit- but let's focus on that tongue for now.

Kakashi wasn't sure what the spastic litte- spaz, what doing in there but it involved shoving things around. “Why not? It's not nearly as large as some of the other things I've crammed in there!” Getting kicked during what he feels is a nice gesture does not improve Kakashi's mood.

“Be- because it's not clean!” In a lower tone, more to himself though Kakashi heard it anyway- “Dammit I was sure I had ONE-“

“Had one what, Iruka?”

There was a silence and Kakashi decided that, if he listened he could hear the man blush.

“Ruru…..”

“A- a, um, a home, a home cleaning kit. In a manner of speaking….” The next crash was the noise of things getting stuffed back by a horny nude man in a tiff.

“A what?”

“A enema kit. A home one- but- dammit-”

“Why did you have one?”

“From my leather jacket, `I bet I can eat more pickles than you' betting days, okay?” Iruka looked around miserable and grabbed a pair of pants off the towel rack (they'd been drying there since Kakashi had decided that Iruka back needed to be washed properly four days ago). He started stuffing his legs into them. “I'll have to go buy one.”

Kakashi debated telling Iruka to forget it and nailing him to the bed. With a sigh (and several deep breaths to calm down). “Alright.” Just tell yourself it's cute and make sure he suffers double when he get's back. The door opened slowly and Iruka crept out, obviously expecting to get tackled.

“It'll only take a- mpph-“ Kakashi had hooked a finger in the collar again and pulled him in, nipping at his lower lip gently. Iruka whimpered softly and kissed back, nearly melting under the attention. “Brat-“

Kakashi had never heard the word brat used with such utter want and something close to adoration. He had a feeling Iruka was going to have to think of a new word to yell at his students. Iruka just had a way of making that word breathy and warm and tingle inducing. Kakashi teased Iruka tongue for a long moment, then pulled away.

“I- ah- I'll be back quick.”

“Mmmm.” Kakashi kissed at his ear next, then what he could of Iruka's neck that wasn't protected by the collar. “You'd better run Ruru-saaama. Before I eat you.”

“Meep-“ Iruka slide his arms around Kakashi's shoulders for a second to cling to him though. “Don', don't change, alright?”

“So long as you like me just the way I am,”

Iruka blushed. “I meant the petticoats but, ah, yeah that too.” He nuzzled Kakashi's neck, the lace on the edge of the wadded up mask tickled and the silk on such smooth skin was nearly slick. He kissed the sliver of exposed neck, the fragile spot that Iruka felt so possessive of and trusted with before he stepped away. “I'll- I'll be back fast- “ He grabbed his shirt from the pile and dragged it on, then put on his shoes. Without the wool straps to bind down the ends of his pants he looked very, disheveled, for him. Then he was out the door, presumably to grab his hai-ate and vest on the way out the door.

It was at this point Kakashi decided that if he was not, in fact, in love, he had at LEAST gone bat-shit crazy, though some would argue that it was rather the same thing. This was really the only conclusion he could come to that would explain his standing there in a very complicated and annoying to get into silk contraption wearing shoes that demanded he push chakara through his heels to stay standing in a non-wobbly fashion. He turned and allllll the ruffles took an extra moment to move as well, but after a moment had realigned themselves. They re did this with every step until he was in the kitchen, fixing a sandwich and waiting for his insanity and or passion inducing lover to come home so the actually coming could begin. Spazzy little spaz, his Ruru. At least said Ruru had gone to the store at some point and pack the fridge with things that you could make a pretty damn decent sandwich out of. He was just about to relax a little an enjoy his snack when he felt a rather familiar wave of mild dread. He sighed and pulled his mask up, walking to the window.Damn. He Finally cracked. And I was sooo enjoying the calm.

Despite the nearly fatal decibel levels and beacon like green spandex, Gai could be stealthy. It was quite possibly one of the creepiest things Kakashi had ever seen, and he was including some of the truly creepy creeps he'd dealt with. In a rather odd way Kakashi supposed he shouldn't be to irate at the man, he had held out a very long time before re-resorting to creeping around Iruka's place, but still.

The knock at the door was unusually subdued, maybe he was less prone to pounding at Iruka's door after getting the dishes thrown at him. Have to try it. It's be worth the cost of buying new china if it'd work. Be pretty damn satisfying even if it didn't. Kakashi sighed and walked to the door- swish swish- not bothering to shield his chakara from detection. He set his feet and threw it open.

“Ah, My Eter-geh-eh…….” Dead quiet.

And then something truly magical happened (from Kakashi's point of view.), something that he'd NEVER seen before and had quietly in some small corner of his mind prayed to see.

Gai had nothing to say. He, instead, stood there looking like a large eye-browed fish that someone had unceremoniously dragged from the depths of the ocean and flung cheerfully into the sun. His eyes matched the flapping of his mouth, becoming almost as perfectly round and Lee's.

Kakashi just stood there and tried to look bored instead of on the verge of hysterical laughing, doing his best to exude a sort of `what, never seen a guy in a maid outfit before?' aura. Tricky as he'd never done it before but as Gai was currently staring at his feet (better be his feet) didn't seem like it really mattered.

“Would you like to come in?” Kakashi stepped aside and motioned. This brought attention to his gloves and Gai gaped some more and managed to nod, stepping inside and looking around as if expecting to some sort of large feathery sex machine in the corner. His eyes settled on the father duster and he swallowed.

Kakashi went back to the kitchen, having to stick his feet. He has a new respect for Tsunade- how did she function without a pair of flat soled comfortable sandals? It was insane, she had to be sticking her feet to the ground with every step too. And she was front heavy to boot- definitely using chakara somewhere. Swish swish.

Gai stood next to the door stoically trying to think of, if not something to say, something to do. Unfortunately none of his Nice-Guy â„¢ poses seemed quite suited to the situation. Kakashi handed him a glass of water and plunked into the chair in the most male way possible. Gai because suddenly interest in a stain on the ceiling. Kakashi reflected that if he knew the nature of said stain, Gai would not have picked it to meditate on. But, instead of enlightening Gai he took the opportunity to wolf down the sandwich. Eating fast, eating slow, didn't really matter he only bothered to enjoy food when he was eating with Iruka anyway. Or eating off Iruka. Wonder if there's ice cream left…. He licked his lips to keep any grease of the silk mask and snapped it back into place.

Gai was drawn, at least partway, back into the land of the living by that noise. “AH- My, et-eternal rival-“ He was now making very certain to keep his gaze fixed on Kakashi's eye. The lace wide headband like thing had been slid down till it was doing the job of his hai-ate. “I Came to- to-“

“Challenge?” Kakashi prompted helpfully, enjoying the show. He debated tossing a leg over the arm of the chair but a full on panty shot might really kill the man and as a general rule a corpse in the living room was un-sexy.

“Yes! I come to- to Issue a Challenge to You My Most Esteemed Eternal Rival!” he seemed ot feel better after having pushed the familiar sentence out of his head. “And as it is my turn to choose- umm, to choose-“

Kakashi had started to tap his toe lazily, but in the patent leather things it sounded very loud. “The contest?”

Gai's eyes went back to his shoes. This meant that he had to skim the rest of it and it was taking a moment for his brain to bleach the details quite out of himself. “Yes?”

“No, no,, Gai-Sensei, you talk now. What's the contest?”

“Oh, um it's this time it will be- ah- um-“ Gai had had this planned, but non of his plans for Kakashi had ever involved lace and his brain wasn't quite unable to scour out a vague flash of a nuclear shade of orange though it WAS managing to deny the location to the core of his being. “A- ah, a foot race!”

“Ah. No.”

“But it IS my turn to-“

“I don't mean no not that, I mean, no, not that NOW.” Kakashi pointed a foot at Gai and continued. “I am not running in these. Ask again tomorrow.”

There was a noise of confusion but it had more to do with Gai's brain dying than any actual understanding of the before uttered sentence.

Kakashi sighed and stood up and grabbed Gai's arm, taking him to the door and tossing him out. “Tomorrow. Race. Fine. Have a nice da-“ his words where shut off by the click of the latch.
Gai stared at the door for a moment before slowly tottering off, trying to find a way to settle what had just happened with his view of the world. He wandered away trying desperately to focus on how he was going to win tomorrow, what he would do if he lost, and only managed, after a full twenty minutes of this, to come to the conclusion that Kakashi was practicing being pretty. This was a rather inane idea but let us give the man a break. Gai thought about that, and decided that, naturally, the only logical thing for him to do was to go and work at being pretty himself… So he was mumbling to himself about mascara when he brushed past Sakura, who had a similarly numb expression thought for different reasons.

And for you out there quaking, NO, Gai is not going to dress up as a maid. He's aware that wouldn't suit him. He's OBVIOUSLY going for shrine maiden. Possibly a fairy, or a ballerina.

Sakura blinked, and decided that she choose NOT to know why Gai was muttering about complexion under his breath. No, no, she had better things to fret miserably over….

~o.O~ it's a flash back, go with it. Roll back time twenty minutes, or so. ~O.o~

Sakura had been walking to find Naruto. The mornings lessons had been brutal but interesting and Kakashi had let them go early (and if the man thought no one was going to notice that their dismissal time seemed to match that of the academy then he was a moron) and since they both had chores they'd wandered off to do them, agreeing to met near the bridge.

Anyway, Sakura had been walking to the bridge, and spotted Naruto sitting on the edge. She'd barely raised her arm to wave and shout but a grungy looking streak had plowed into Naruto before she could even focus on it. There had been a yelp, and a sudden “Sasukebasta-“ that had been cut off nearly surgically with a splash.

Sakura had run to the bridge, thinking she'd have to pry the boy boys off each other (not the first time) and very nearly toppled over the edge herself when she got there.

Because a rather filthy looking Sasuke had Naruto pinned at the end of the water and was outright jamming his tongue down Naruto's throat while growling. Sakura felt her jaw drop as her inner self had a heart attack.

Sasuke pulled away with a yank, tangling a hand in blonde hair and yanking one of Naruto's hands up, redirecting it to his crotch. “Listen dobe, here's what gonna happen-“

“Geh-“

Another brutal kiss. “Shuddup! We're going to your place and you are going to fuck me till I pass out or so help me I'm going to fucking kill you dead!”

“But- Gyuh- argh!” Sasuke had groped him HARD and his eyes crossed. “Sasuk-“

“Dobe dammit pleeease I'm tired I'm sorry and I just- I just-“ His voice nearly cracked. “C'mon if you make me beg I'll have top just to save face and I'm- I just wanna get unwound fast- and HARD and PLEASE you stupid fuck!”

“Ok-okay- what the hell happened to- geh!” Naruto got cut off by the dreaded Uchida tongue attack again. After long moment of that (during which inner Sakura recovered enough to rather stare in a bug eyed fashion) Naruto got to pull away a little. “My place?”

“Fuck yeah.” Sasuke sat up on him, legs straddling his chest and slapped his hands together. There was a puff and they were gone, water splashing as it filled the void.

Sakura started at the patch of water for a long damn time. Then she turn and tottered away, needed, well, what she really needed was a drink but as she wasn't quite old enough ot get that legally and not sane enough to steal it right now she'd settle for ice cream. And chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. So she headed into town.

After going by Naruto's place and peeking in the window just long enough to determine she wasn't insane and hadn't dreamed it up in some weird yaoi-licious daydream… Wow. Really going at it. Her inner voice commented as she dropped back to the ground, wondering why she'd bothered to mask her chakara because unless Kakashi charged into there with Chidori in attack mode she doubted they'd notice. Her inner voice was weirdly muted right now, though… Probably in shock. Yeah, shock was a good word- Really really going at it. I thought that one artist was just being, artistic but boys CAN bend like that. Well, it was good to know. Maybe if she wrapped the chocolate around a brick and hit herself in the head with it it'd work faster….

“Oy! Sakura you alright!?”

Sakura jerked around to locate the noise. It was Kiba, waving out the window of the Korean barbeque, leaning over someone sitting next to him. “Kiba?”

“Hey, come on in and eat with us. You look like you need it!”

“Us?”

“Me and Shino! C'mon!”

It should be noted that Shino was trying to protest this because he was perfectly aware of what Kiba liked to try to get away with and while it WAS fun he was actually hungry right now.

Kiba and Shino in a restaurant. Sakura wondered why she should know something about that but instead of pursuing the errant thought she nodded and entered. She was sitting across from the pair before she noticed Kiba was leaning heavily forward on his right hand. His left hand was nowhere to be found.

“-the matter with you?”

Sakura made herself tune back in and guessed at the first part of the question, deciding, to, for now, let them think they were getting away with it. The meat was there so she started to line things up on the grill. “I found out some-“ Interesting? Scandalous? (Smex- now where did THAT come from?) Weird? Surprising? “-news. Today. Just now, really.”

“Oh, what?”

“Just, something about- It's not really important and I don't want to gossip about it just yet.” Sakura flipped the slips of meat.

“Well, I promise we won't bug you about it. Right Shino?”

Shino nodded and eyed the meat, silently cursing how annoyingly good Kiba was at this… He must practice allot… he complained to himself, ignoring the small talk that his table mates had stuck up and he wondered how much his hand would shake getting meat to his mouth. He didn't want to look like a bundle of nerv-ne- Oh fuck Kiba you bastard if you're trying to make me squeak when I come I'm going to let my bugs eat you- He tried for a piece of meat (she seemed to be ignoring him, thank god) and dropped it. Damn. He kept trying to stab it but the slippery little- geh, okay Kiba doing that damn THUMB thing? Not helping…. Bastard. Why did he even carry that type of lotion around? I'm never sitting next to him on watch duty. Ever. Ever. Evvver.

“Want some help?”

He looked up startled to see Sakura holding out a bite to him. “Um, I'm fi-fine.” He glared at Kiba from the corner of his eye behind the shield of his glasses.

“Well, I just thought you might because your distracted. I suppose Kiba should feed you but he must have his hand full.”

The reaction was far better than a dropped utensil. Not that she could have done that here, really, with the fire pit between them and honestly just holding her arm over it was irksome but, ahh, the look on Shinos face was cute. Utter mortification and she couldn't' even see his eyes or mouth. Apparently judging facial expression by limited information was an odd side effect of have Kakashi as a teacher. Huh.

Kiba laughed. “Shino's touchy about the collar cause he thinks his lips are girly but you can feed me.” Sakura did so and Shino commenced stabbing all the little pieces of meat (he could do that, at least, impale them on a chopstick like butterflies) and inhaling them.

“You do this often? Jerk each other off in public?” Sakura put more raw meat on the grill and sat down to tend it properly. Amazing how those words seemed less crude after hearing Sasuke's obscenity laced proposition.

“Ever damn chance I get.” Pure un-repentance. “You don't seem to care.”

“I don't seem to cause I don't, period.” You're both old news and only mildly interesting after seeing- seeing… beeendy. Sakura rather wished her voice would shut up and go back to shock. She flipped the meat. “Rare?”

“Yes please!” Kiba grinned as he was fed and licked his lips. “Saa. How open minded are you then, Sakura-Chaan?”

“I don't know.”

“Kiba- don't-“ Shino started, tone off. His sentence ended in a sudden sharp squeak and was suddenly quite red. Kiba shifted, and Sakura decided he was probably wiping his hand on his pants.

“Did he just-” She let the question hang.

“General point of jerking of.” Kiba pulled his hand up and licked the fingers off before wiping the hand again on a napkin and dumping the rest of the meat on the grill. The oils in the marinade flared up and got him a glare from one of the waitresses. “Where was I?”

“Open minded-ness? What does that taste like?” She asked without thinking.

“Kinda bitter. Little oily, bit of sweet.” Kiba shrugged. “Open minded-ness,,, umm, oh yeah okay I wanted to know what you were doing, say- tonight?”

“Why?”

“Well, for a three way, duh.”

“Kiba-“ Shino seemed to have recovered enough to protest.

“What? She's cute and she didn't freak out and throw anything at us!”

“That's- that's a lousy reason to invite someone to- do that. And talk quieter.” Shino sighed. “I'm sorry-“ he started, turning to Sakura. “He's an idiot.”

“I'm not an idiot I just know what I want.”

“That must be nice.”

“Eh?”

“To know what you want. Must be nice.” Sakura poked the meat. “Kakashi wants Iruka, Iruka wants Kakashi, Naruto wants ramen and respect and Sasuke, Sasuke wants Naruto and possibly an award for his angst, Shino wants Kiba and love, Kiba wants to have more sex- I have no idea what I want.”

“You mean that stick figure on the bathroom wall was true bout `Ruka and your sensei?”

“Kiba, be quiet and let the girl think.”

“She wants to think she should do it in her head. What's this about Sasuke?”

“Oh, now you're being cruel you've been laughing at their smell on each other for a month now.”

Sakura was very out of it. “I don't know what I want- what, a month?”

Kiba nodded. “They reek of fast dirty casual sex.”

“And we don't?”

“Hey, we do couple-y stuff together too.

“So you can think of new ways to screw around.”

“Exactly. Couple-y, see?” Kiba nodded sagely. “Though fuck-buddy or not Sasuke's been less of a pill this last week.”

“He's been GONE this last week.” Shino sighed, aware how very, old couply this sounded and rather hating it.

“That doesn't count? Oh well, he was better the week before that too.”

“No he wasn't he was jumpy.”

“Yeah, but that's an improvement over the `lookit me I rock, but don't look at me I vant to be avone!' bullshit he usually- hey- Sakura where ya going?”

“For a walk. Thanks Kiba, Shino. S'nice offer but no. See you around-“ She waved distractedly without looking and picked a direction. There was not enough chocolate and no brick big enough for her day, suddenly. Gai wander by muttering about eye shadow. I choose not to know. Inner Sakura was shuffling though flash cards of emotions. Angry? Maybe a little, she'd have to smack Naruto very, very hard for leading her on if he'd been involved with Sasuke. Disgust? Hmm. She stood this a moment and thought about that. Well, actually the squirrel that had been sitting on the window ledge pawing at the glass had been creepy but other than that. Not really anger, not disgust. Shock? Yeah, but sooner or later that would turn into something else. Can't stay in shock forever. Bitter? Yes, okay, bitter is in there…. Stupid jerks, knowing what they want and getting it. Jealous.

Jealous was a good one. Even if they were just, fuckbuddies, they seemed to be enjoying it. Inner Sakura replayed it quickly, glad to be on semi-familiar ground. Sakura turned rather red. Great. Lovely. Jealous bitter and vaguely turned-on. Fuck.

Stupid Naruto, probably hadn't even seen it as being unfaithful (though for the life of her Sakura wasn't sure if she or Sasuke should be more mad at the dork). She's have to beat him up with a dictionary. Preferably a very large one.

Relief- where was the relief coming from? Cause of the kitty- Oh, okay, the relief was from Sasuke at least being interested in more than stuffed animals. That was a kind of a good sign. Sasuke wants Naruto. Naruto wants Sasuke. And her, or at least that's what she'd been lead to believe. No wonder he'd been such a DAMN good kisser, he's been practicing. And at the very least he wasn't just bored and horny with me, he really didn't try to push anything. She'd appreciated it at the time but was starting to second guess that. Maybe he just wasn't interested- no that's stupid no one turns that red over disinterest.

Maybe he really thought he could have both. Baka. You can't have both, everyone knows that. Then again, Naruto was pretty good at not getting what everyone seemed to know. What the hell did he think he was gonna get? Some sort of time share? How is THAT fair, he get's the attention from two people and what? Are the other two suppose to date just so everyone get's the same amount of attention?

……………………&# 8230;……wait………………… 230;……………….

Sakura stopped short in the street, blinking and replaying that last thought in her head again a few times. I so did not just think that.

Ohhhh, yes you did. Inner Sakura nodded sagely. It's brilliant.

It's stupid.

It's what you want, though, don't you think?

That dosn't make it less stupid.

If it stupid but works, then it isn't stupid. Inner Sakura pointed out.

It's so not going to work.

So ask for advice to MAKE it work.

Sakura thought about that, and turned on her heel, suddenly a girl on a mission.

~(^__^)~ PooooooK~(^__^)~

Kakashi rolled his eyes at the knock on the door. Iruka had just gotten back and had been hurriedly reading the box on his way to lock himself into the bathroom, leaving Kakashi to lounge on the couch with his book. He noted his place (`oh, no we mustsen't!' or something close) and opened the door, already knowing who it was.

“Kakashi sensei I tried your apartment first but-“ Sakura stopped short. She'd been expecting, at the most for Kakashi to have a blanket wrapped around his hips as he politely told her to piss off as her worse case scenario. “Um.” She gave him the once over, blinking, and finally settle with- “Those are really cute shoes. I like the ankle strap.”

“They're killing my feet, calves and back.” Kakashi said neutrally.

“Well, their like five inch spikes… you're not suppose to move that much in them. Umm. That's a maid outfit.”

“I'm glad to see nearly three years of training with me have given you such a keen command of the obvious.”

“It's all, lacy….”

“As I said….. What did you want to see me about?”

Sakura shook her head un made very certain NOT to stare at Kakashi's legs. He had nice legs, yes but she wasn't ogling them for THAT reason. She was just trying to stop thinking about the fact he seemed ot have shaved…. And she forced out the question afore she could speculate what else got the razor. “I need advice on talking two horny boys into a three-way.”

“Naruto and Sasuke?” Kakashi stepped into the hallway and shut the door. “And keep it down.”

“Did everyone know?”

“Not the point.” Kakashi pulled out a blank scroll. “Having never had to talk anyone into a three way, I can't give you advice on that-“ He started to write rapidly, using the door as a flat surface. “But I recommend going here first. For supplies.” He handed her the scroll and she skimmed it.

“The unmentionables store? I've never heard of it.”

“There's a reason for it. But go there, you'll get it- also, here-“ He handed her a key. “you might not need it but it can't hurt, there's a large bottle of sake in the back of my freezer.”

"Alright, well, I was- okay. why ARE you dressed like that?"
"Maybe I always dress like this to clean."
"........ Iruka's a pervert too isn't he?"
"Mmmm. No comment." But he sounded rather smug when he said this.
".....no wonder you get along...... So I was going to just tackle them is that BAD?"

“Mm. might want to state intent first.”

Sakura looked at the scroll (it was written like a permission slip with a map on the top) and the keys. “Why- why are you being so helpful?”

“Well.” Kakashi shrugged. “You asked me. Flattery. And besides. If Konaha would ask you to die in defense of the village, why not let you enjoy yourself in the meanwhile?”

“You just want me to go away, don't you.” She eyed his outfit again.

“Only because Iruka might hear you. He'll be busy at least another twenty minutes.” Kakashi leaned on the door. “Did you not expect help?”

“I don't know.”

“You made your choice, if you want to be talked out of it I recommend your parents, because I won't. S'long as all three of you are happy it's fine.”

Sakura nodded. “Thank you.”

He made a dismissive gesture. “Oh, don't. I'm going to deny all of this talk and claim I thought you wanted the note for tampons and the key for a shoe you left after training. I know nothing- I saw nothing- “ He trailed off as he went back inside, door clicking shut.

Sakura nodded and took off, full tilt running. Okay, store, then Kakashi's house, then Naruto's place.