Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Side Effects: heiwa no Jutsu ❯ Sandy Nocturnal..... ( Chapter 18 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Sasuke gave Kakashi the blankest look he'd ever given anyone. The sheer 'what the hell' factor of this gaze would have cowed lesser men. "You are the most completely full of shit human I have ever known. How do you get yourself to say such utter bull with a straight face?"
"Anbu Training." Kakashi said. "Though I'm insulted you don't think this is a very serious mission you've been given."
"Hunting for the sandy nocturnal indigenous penguin eagle? Is a very important mission?"
"B rank, at least." Kakashi nodded seriously.
Sasuke went quiet. The only noise was the occasional rhythmic squeak of the chipmunk on his ankle. It'd taken six hours but he'd gotten out of the hole and killed the squirrel (well, tried to, but that damn thing was fast)… Only to- Only to be- confronted, almost instantly, with Kakashi.
Kakashi, who'd lectured him on the importance of not losing your mission scroll (nevermind it had blown up of its own accord) and then had given a speech about the sandy nocturnal indigenous penguin eagle. Sandy Nocturnal Indigenous Penguin Eagle. Sandy Nocturnal Indigenous Penguin Eagle. Or, as Kakashi referred to them….
"-Snipes are well known for their ability to imitate the trapping abilities of those they observe. Since this particular flock seems to have enjoyed living on the edge of the training forest you can expect them to have extensive tricks."
Sasuke twitched slightly. "These… Birds…. Can make traps? You expect me to believe that a bird set up the leg trap that doused me with small mammal hormones and coated me with sugar?"
"They're quite clever." Kakashi said, the image of porn reading innocence.
Sasuke balled his hands into fists. Kakashi ignored it, knowing he wouldn't attack. Was probably trying not to scratch at the ant bites, little prat.
"Aren’t you supposed to be teaching?" Sasuke grumbled.
"Oh, I'm only an hour late." Kakashi paused. "Or two. I'm sure Sakura and Naruto are doing quite well together. They have a date tonight, you know."
"Yeah right." Sasuke grumbled. "You can't get under my skin that easy."
"Actually, I can. But I'm not making this up, you know. Sakura has apparently 'seen the light' about her teammates. Probably something to do with a certain stuffed animal you stole from her?" He turned a page and chuckled softly to himself.
"Not like Naruto wants her anyway." Sasuke muttered. "So hah."
"He wore a fishnet shirt and a leather jacket to their little luncheon the other day. Borrowed them from Iruka." Kakashi said. "Hmm, I should go back now, make sure they're not behaving like hormonal teenagers…." He tucked the book away after marking his place. "Oh, and as a point of fact- it's not just small mammal hormones." And then he was gone.
Leaving Sasuke face to face with a bull moose. The eye twitch felt like it might be developing into a condition. The moose made a weird grunting noise and Sasuke screamed and ran away in a fashion similar to that of a five year old. A five year old girl.

~O.o~ !Dancing -scene-break!~o.O~

"Yo." Kakashi barely glanced over the edge of the book to see Naruto and Sakura lean away from each other, both a little pink. So they'd either kissed, or been about too. Kakashi patted himself for excellent timing. Naruto almost looked miffed, so must have been just before. Little brat should be thanking me. Nothing like sexual tension to improve a date.
"Sasuke won't be here today, he has a side mission-"
"He gets a solo mission?!" Naruto jumped up. "Kakashi-sensei why didn't I-"
"It's not a reward Naruto. This particular mission will just be easiest alone. You'll get one soon enough." Kakashi wondered how long it would take for Sasuke to realize the moose was an illusion. Probably about half an hour before he snapped and looked over his shoulder with his sharingan. He pulled his book back out and smiled to himself. "So you two have the option of doing today's mission before or after sparring with me for a while."
"Sparring!" Naruto perked instantly.
"What are the missions?" Sakura asked. She didn't want to have to spend all afternoon dragging around loads of potting mix if she was already sore from sparring.
"One of the trout Naruto let loose last week had a large brass ring in its nose. We need to find that fish."
"Oh." Sakura thought about that. The lake was probably freezing, if they waited till noon the sun would be hotter, and the cold water would numb any bruises. "Sparring first then.”

Sakura was getting faster, Kakashi noted lazily, blocking a decent jab. Then a kick. He'd put his book away to make sure he could give her a good set of pointers, but he was only using both hands to be polite. She seemed to know this, but at least she wasn't resentful like Naruto had been.
"He'll wake up soon, right?"
"He's got a hard head." Kakashi leaned way to the left at an impractical angle to dodge a high kick, swaying back. He looked more like a blade of grass than someone dodging attacks. "So, is he a good kisser?"
"I don't know you showed up too- um, I mean-" Sakura flushed a tad and he cuffed her upside the head smoothly. "Hey!"
"Talking is fine. Defend better."
"Sure sure- geh-" Sakura found herself blocking an unbroken stream of rapid blows. They were almost too fast for her to track; she counted fifteen before loosing track. "So is yer thing still broken?"
"Geh-" It was Kakashi’s turn to get distracted. Her kick missed by a mile, but still. "Who told you about-"
"Amiri was ranting under her breath about you and Heiwa, so I went and looked it up-" Her words were broken up by her breathing, as she was taking the slight lull to catch her breath. "So I looked it up. Then I went and talked to her again for more details-" She ducked, keeping her stance a little smaller, defensive. "And got far too many of them."
"Serves you right-" Kakashi started the volley again, side stepping, getting behind her. Well, at least she's seeing through that, she doesn't want to let me behind her. "What's the plan for your date tonight?"
"Did he tell everyone?"
"No, he told Iruka, who told me." Kakashi relaxed himself, standing up straighter. He could hear Naruto shifting, getting up. "We're done, let's go do that mission."
The underlying message was clear 'Let's not deal with Naruto knowing about Iruka and I.', something Sakura agreed with. It had made Naruto's head hurt just thinking about Iruka getting laid period. Making the blonde wrap his brain around both of his teachers' homosexuality at once might kill him. "Okay." Layers under layers and so forth.
"Hmm. Wake him up and get to the location. I have to go check on something." And then Kakashi was gone. Sakura barely blinked, scary how used to that you could get. She stretched lazily and sat next to Naruto, who was rubbing his head and yawning.
"How are you not permanently brain damaged?" Sakura asked, tilting her head. "Come on, tell me when you feel up to it, we have to walk to the flooded field for that fish."
Naruto looked a little dazed, but shook it off. "Oh, okay." He hopped up and offered his arm, broad grin knowing she'd laugh it off. Except she didn't. She grinned back and took it, not getting too close but still.
Sakura thought she might die laughing from the sheer, idiotic glee of Naruto's smile. Naruto thought if he stopped smiling, he might start drooling… Even thought she wasn't that close- Girls are soft…Very, very soft.


Iruka glanced at the clock. Nearly four. That meant Sasuke had probably triggered at least three more illusionary traps by now. So he was either fighting ghost Samurai zombies or was draining himself of chakara with his eyes. Either way, right on schedule or Kakashi would have come by to see him, to discuss a change in plans..
Iruka sighed and wished angsty pretty-boys weren't so damn predictable sometimes. He had kinda wanted Kakashi to come by, but lunch had been damn dull. Lunch, mm, dinner. Mmm, Kakashi.
Iruka smirked to himself as he dismissed a rather confused class. They had a reason to be confused, as their distant last week absent yesterday teacher who'd dumped homework on them through a substitute had spent the whole day in a frighteningly cheerful mood. But the confusion was forgotten as they raced home to enjoy the rest of the day. Iruka grinned and stretched and went home to think about dinner. Mm, dinner… He idly packed up some food and thought of dinner, who was currently somewhere in the woods, probably reading his porn.
Iruka took about a five hour nap when he got home. It was incredibly boring, even for those who enjoy staring at sleeping men, because he was face down on his pillow under the blankets. Then he woke up and glanced at the clock. Mm. Okay. About the perfect time.
Okay, he'd wanted to just go straight from school but, well, he didn't have clothes picked out yet and besides, he really, really didn't want to be seen leaving town… well, skulking out to the woods, and doubly so wearing-
Well, right now he was just glad the pants still fit…at least everything else was a lot more forgiving. Okay, so he had to change holes on the one, ah, thing, but-
Iruka stretched, feeling the foreign materials stretch, going over hand seals in his mind. Kakashi had wanted to know why he knew what he tasted like, right? He stopped and did the signs again, and again, not pushing the necessary chakara through his arms. It'd, heh, been a while since he'd used this. He bit his lip and did it again once last time, feeling it. It felt natural again. Good.
Pulling the green, heavy canvas vest on over everything else felt a little bit, ah, silly, but it had everything he might need it in, weapons, petty cash, some smoke bombs, house key, lube, few scrolls. You know, the important things in life. And food, but that was in a shoulder bag (with some slightly more sane clothes).
Iruka smiled to himself, looking in the mirror. He almost felt like digging out some eyeliner, at least, but everything he had was just too old. Dried up, nasty stuff. Same with the hair goo. He made sure everything was well locked up and left, slinking away.

O.o!scenebreak!o.O (this part is meleth78's fault, from the kakairu Lj community)

Genma's head whipped around so fast that Raidou nearly dropped the pile of scrolls in his arms. "What the fuck Genma-"
From his new position half bent over the window sill, Raidou felt his head being redirected towards a person-shaped-blot vanishing into the shadows. "Look! Look!"
"I- um-" It took a second after said person-shape-blot was out of sight. "Okay- why am I looking at this?"
"Didn't you see who it was?!"
"I saw pants. With, um, stuff? And boots…" Raidou paused and wished Genma would stop pushing him down onto the sill quite so hard.
"Yes! Exactly!"
"…. It's not like that's against any rules…. Sure, okay, pants that tight can't be the most sane things to fight in but-"
"It was perky, to an insane degree."
"What was?"
"The leather covered ass, that's what!" Genma stopped using the other man as a cushion and stood up, re-gathering the scattered scrolls and paper and dumping them back on his partner. "Frighteningly perky!"
"……………….. oooh-kay….." Raidou managed to wrap this word with a tangible silence best represented with lots and lots of periods. "Soo-"
"You need to listen to the gossip more often."
"The last two weeks gossip reads like bad gay porn that got piss ass drunk and fucked a soap opera." Raidou said, more than a little disturbed by Genma's apparent glee.
"Isn't it great?" Genma looked dreamy for a second, and then shook his head. "But that's not the point! The point is I have the next piece of hot gossip and you're my witness! Dibs! I get to drop it into a conversation somehow first!!"
"…. Man in pants runs into woods. Yeah… hot gossip there."
"You don't know who that was?"
"… no…"
Genma nearly cackled as he came perilously close to skipping down the hall. "Perky! Who's in the current gossip that could possibly look that perky?"
"I don't- know- oh.. Oh!" Raidou made a funny noise and started to snigger. "Oooh, okay. Okay, you have dibs on that."
"I think I'll draw a picture on the bathroom wall- got a sharpie?"
Raidou rolled his eyes and sighed. Oh well, at least he's been happier since he found out who nailed whom on that stupid table. Anything's better than him reciting the names of the kunoichi and speculating…Not that Raidou had complained much at the time. It is hard to hold a grudge against someone who is so very flexible and capable of doing things.

~O.o~ <-- it does the dance, it has no pants! --> ~o.O~

Sasuke had stopped screaming about an hour ago, give or take. Kakashi glanced at the sky. Yeah, about an hour. Okay, so maybe rigging a series of chakara flares to go at Kakashi's trigger once the brat was in full sharingan mode was, ah, cruel- 'Oh god the colors my brain it burns!'- but, ehhh hehehe. By now the brat should be fairly burned out. Lovely time to release a few more squirrels. Not that he seemed to hate them that much, he'd lost the will to fight them off, and seemed resigned to wandering around with a dozen tiny squirrel erections poking his ankles frantically.
Kakashi stretched out to read once he was sure the horny little furballs were going in the right direction. That oughta distract him into the pit, where he'd be left to get limited sleep with the muttered, squeaked proclamations of love eternal from everything smaller than a dog in the forest. And this section of the forest was famous for its skunks.
He was about to look at the sky again, to see if it was late enough to justify checking on Iruka, when he felt himself relax. That presence- he smiled and tucked the book away, dropping down to the forest floor.
And very nearly kept falling until his face would have hit. "Gyah- Ho- how did you get out here like that?"
Iruka bit his lip in a ridiculously fuckab- um, cute manner. "It's complicated…" he then shifted a little as Kakashi ate him with his eyes.
Iruka had gotten near and cast the justu, then moved farther forward to get Kakashi’s attention. He was now wearing only his boots and the soft, black button up shirt that was just long enough to cover Things. His hair was still up, but the hitai-ate was gone. "It's part of the ju- well, wait-"
But Kakashi didn't want to wait, grabbing at Iruka, pulling him to him. The shirt was soft, thin; Kakashi could feel the curves and movements of his lover (hard not to call him that out loud) against his fingers in spite of it. He slid a hand lower, kneading flesh until the cloth was bunched up and his fingers could pinch lightly. Iruka yelped quietly and blushed a little. "Still want me to wait?" Kakashi purred, pulling down his mask. Iruka sighed and kissed him, but pulled away.
"I need to tell you something first though."
"What is that and how many words will it take?" Kakashi kept that one hand on Iruka's rear, rubbing and pushing, keeping Iruka very, very aware of the fact that he felt much, much better.
"It's about why I know what I taste like-" Iruka licked his lips slightly and rocked forward, against him. "It's a- a jutsu, you see. It's- complicated and utterly worthless in a real fight but it was- It's what I'm using now."
"What does it do?" Kakashi murmured, leaning against the tree. Except the tree was warm and flesh and arms slid around his shoulders. Kakashi tensed a little, looking behind him. "A clone?"
"No." The new Iruka said, shaking his head. His hair was down, under his hia-ate, he had a heavy collar on, and an open chunnin vest. And pants that barely graced his hipbones, black leather that was nearly taunt across his skin. "Not a clone technique. More like- ah, mitosis?" Lips hit Kakashi’s ear, and the one wearing the shirt started to undo his vest. "You can look at the how it works, if you like, but the only Hyuuga who ever saw it got rather nauseated."
Considering they'd spent nearly an hour discussing the proper way to abuse a sharingan user, Kakashi was still pleasantly surprised by the consideration. "How do you figure that it will do the same to me?" Logic sucked when your lover and a copy of him were surrounding you, both trying to find delightful things to do with their teeth and lips and tongues.
"Her exact words were 'it's like staring at a spinning checkerboard.' Chakara wise."
Kakashi blinked as that had been in stereo and tilted his head back to see a glimmer of what Iruka was talking about. Even the sliver of it he saw along the bridge of his nose made him dizzy. He shut both his eyes. "There's-"
Four hands were supporting him, caressing him. "If you can't keep it closed I can go back to one." Iruka was talking quietly to keep the dual voices from being annoying.
"Don't you feel numb like that?" Kakashi was digesting what he'd seen fast, breaking it up. What he'd seen had been, a tangled network of chakra between the two bodies. No, not tangled, but, there had been enough spirals he could easily understand needing to puke if you were forced to stare at it too long.
"Well, I worked it out, you see-" Kakashi found himself being kissed while the other one talked. "There's still just me. Only divided between two, vessels. But sensitivity is up- think of it being about a quarter numb for each form."
"Can you do more?" Kakashi turned his neck to look at the one with pants, who was ridding him of his vest.
"Yes, but it gets exponentially harder." Iruka seemed amused by all the questions, but he decided he should have expected it. It was a, ah, unique technique, really, and Kakashi would be interested by something he hadn't seen before. "It's useless in a fight because with your chakra confused like this, jutsus are nearly impossible. And it's better than a clone for sex because it's just me, divided. No jealously."
Kakashi nodded in a very scholarly fashion, and then proceed to ignore the laws of physics utterly. This resulted in both halves of Iruka being pinned against the tree with an obviously delighted Kakashi trying to decide how best to divvy up his attention. He started with the one in the shirt, sliding a hand down to get under the shirt. "It's not even my birthday-" Kakashi earned a laugh with that, for all it was mumbled around the shirtless Iruka's tongue. Or was it Iruka's shirtless half? Kakashi decided he didn't care. The point here was that Iruka had doubled himself, bless him, and Kakashi had twice as many things to bite, lick, suck and squeeze.
Kakashi had to stop though, because one of those four hands had made its way to his groin, squeezing. Maybe a little too tight; he gasped and Iruka stopped, rubbing.
"You're still sore?"
"I'm fine-" Kakashi grumbled, hooking a finger in the collar Iruka's shirtless half was wearing and pulling him forward to resume the kiss. "Don't squeeze so hard- is all-ah!" Iruka had squeezed again.
"Mm. You should be naked. So I can make sure." Hands started tugging at his shirt, pants, but Kakashi grinned, having a better idea. Faster, at the very least.
"Nugisuteru no jutsu." It was a lot easier to cast when his brain wasn't imploding. Heck, he even got everything to fold more or less. Nothing shredded. He put out his arms and took a small bow. "Better?" His hair fell into his face, shrouding his scarred eye but as he was going to keep it shut anyway that seemed acceptable.
He got a set of broad grins as a result, and to Kakashi's utter annoyance they were directed at the pile of clothes. "Cute job folding there-" Not to mention Kakashi's lean, flat stomach was still covered with bright red lines of ownership. On his pale skin in the filtered moonlight they looked like tattoos.
"Ruru………" Kakashi set his hands on his hips and did a decent impression of a scowl. He got friendly giggles in response, and then he was being pulled back to them. His scowl faded as he was placated with kisses to his neck and caresses going along his now bare skin.
"You sure it won't hurt you to come?" Iruka questioned, tongues hitting Kakashi's collarbone.
"It'll hurt more if you stop." Kakashi assured him, nuzzling into the collar of that soft black shirt. "Missed this-"
"I know- cuddling is just better after sex-" Teeth bit softly at Kakashi's shoulder and ear. Kakashi made a soft noise in his throat, and moved to claim one of the mouths. Hearing the moans was always fun, hearing two of them in cadence with each other was-
Kakashi grinned even as Iruka started to playfully fight back at his invading tongue and debated mailing a version of this encounter in to one of the monthly anthologies. Names would be altered to protect the innocent. A hand snaked down and squeezed and Kakashi started to question the need to protect that so called innocence. He gasped, and because it was laced with pain Iruka stopped. "Ruru-"
"Hmm." Iruka looked contemplative, not an expression Kakashi was sure he liked pointed at his nether bits. "That's wasn't a very firm squeeze, you know." One hand (Kakashi gave up keeping track of which body used what hand, as it seemed to be utterly interchangeable) moved something from the vest and slid it into the pocket of pants. Damn miracle it fit, considering their cut. That half of Iruka tossed the vest away to the side, and then started to kiss at Kakashi’s chest. Hands reached around him, and Kakashi turned his head to kiss at the other lovely creature that was slipping behind him. (The Iruka with the shirt, don't you know?)
"Anything you'd like me to do?" Kakashi had to bend his neck to do it but he could nip at Iruka's ear, or at least the ear of the one behind him.
"I want to spoil you. Let me?"
"Gee, let me think abo- ah-" The lips at his chest had located a nipple and the teeth were worrying at it gently. Kakashi brought up his hand, tangling his fingers in that soft brown mess. He stretched his other arm up over his head, catching the ponytail of the shirt wearing Iruka. "Spoil me?" He liked the way Iruka smiled at that, both heads nodding.
With one set of lips and fingers busy at Kakashi’s chest, the half of Iruka behind him shifted his feet, nudging Kakashi's legs a little apart. His hands went down Kakashi's sides from behind, gripping at his hips. "Here-" it was really just a vague warning of motion and Kakashi relaxed against him as he dropped to a crouch. After a moment Iruka leaned against the tree, glad for the shirt, and relaxed his legs a little, opening them.
Kakashi's hips had been right against his, still were, and with Iruka's legs apart his legs were braced that way, with his heels barely touching the ground. Both the Irukas set their hands to caressing the now exposed and parted thighs. The other half, the one with pants, knelt and leaned forward to lip and suck at Kakashi’s lower lip. "If we weren't in the woods I'd blindfold you."
"And have me miss this? No way in hell." Kakashi grinned and hooked a finger in that convenient collar of Iruka's. "C'mere-"
Whether it was a true split, some sort of single consciousness clone technique, or any of the other choices, Kakashi didn't care. Iruka behind him had the right hands, not imitations. The Iruka before him tasted right, had all the right textures in his mouth, down to the chip on his right back molar. Fingers tweaked his nipples as Iruka chuckled against him. Kakashi purred for that, even more when the set of hands behind him took over thumbing those sensitive nubs while the remaining hands moved down, touching his length lightly. “Tell me if I’m too rough.”
“S’not glass.” Kakashi grumbled. “Just a little bruising left.” Being tied up hadn’t been embarrassing but this whole fragile business interfering with their intercourse came close. The Iruka in front of him distracted this train of thought by leaning down a little, shifting his knees apart so he could press his lips to the inside of Kakashi’s knee. “Ruru.”
The dual chuckle again. “Tease and spoil are close, right?”
“Ruru…” A little more plaintive. “Just because you outnumber me doesn’t mean that I’m not letting you hold me like this.” Almost a whiny tone.
Both Irukas kissed him then, against his ear and lips. “I know that. I know that. Kakashi, do you want me to stop?”
“Then don’t be a brat.” Lips went back to his neck and knee.
“A brat?” Kakashi shifted a little, very aware that behind him Iruka had a firm erection rubbing up against him through the hem of that shirt.
“Yep.” Iruka shivered a little, both of him. The kneeling Iruka moved a little to assault Kakashi’s navel, teeth nipping lightly at the skin right below it. “My brat.”
“My Ruru-“ Kakashi inhaled softly when Iruka palmed his testicles as if to weigh them. “No squeezing-“
“Not a sadist.” Iruka mumbled, nipping at his thighs. His lips and tongue moved up, going to the crease of the joint where leg met hip.
“You’ll qualify if you tease much more.” Kakashi couldn’t really get the necessary heat into his voice to make this sound foreboding at all. “Ah!” The Iruka behind him had bit his shoulder, none to gently and pinched at a nipple again hard enough to make his squirm a little. “Just wait till it’s my- ah-“ Kakashi stopped talking because that warm, pink tongue had hit just under the head of his erection and he didn’t want to say a damn thing that might require a response.
“Are you shutting up now?” Iruka purring in his ear from over his shoulder while his other half started to kiss his way to the base. “What were you going to say? Wait till it’s your turn?”
Kakashi reached his hand up to cup Iruka’s jaw while his other hand went to run through the other's hair. “Ruru-” leaning his head back meant he could kiss at jaw and neck, so he did. He was starting to shiver a little as Iruka’s tongue and lips were being emphasized with the occasional barest of scrapes from his teeth. Kakashi tried to rock towards it a little, but there wasn’t any good way to get leverage from his position. And with Iruka, pushing down on his head just didn’t seem right. It was almost maddening, to have something feel that good and be not quite enough. But he wants to tease- how am I the brat again? Fine, if Iruka wanted to take it oh so slow, he could. He let his eye slide half shut, glazing as he was hypnotized by the rhythm of Iruka’s lips and tongue and fingers. He let his arms stay relaxed even as his belly and legs started to tremble from the slow ministrations. His breathing got shorter and he began to flush slowly.
Kakashi supposed it was his own fault for losing track of one of Iruka’s hands, but that didn’t stop him from jumping a little when a cool slick finger started to circle his entrance.
“Did you get distracted?”
Kakashi decided to ignore that and wriggled his hips a bit instead, against the firm organ that was nudging him. Iruka groaned in appreciation and his finger slipped. “Did you?”
“Brat.” Iruka licked his ear and the base of his shaft simultaneously and moved the finger back, pushing in.
Your brat.” Kakashi tried to relax even as the muscles in his stomach clenched. “Ease up or hurry up, Ruru-” teeth again, at the tip, and he stiffened, back arching a little. “Ah-”
Iruka grinned and kissed the very tip before abruptly taking in, well, quite a bit really. “Did you think I was joking about the popsicle?” Iruka mumbled in his ear.
“Gyah.” Kakashi was panting now, gasping a little. That finger had been pushed in all the way now, crooked, and was starting to stroke at- If Kakashi could fit more than three words into a sentence at a time he’d be thinking things along the lines of ‘good Ruru, has the place memorized’ but, as was said, right now it was more along the lines of ‘good Ruru.’, a perfectly acceptable sentiment. Iruka hummed, a rather merciless thing with those tongues doing what they did right as his teeth scraped and his finger stabbed and one can’t blame Kakashi for loosing control. “Ah- ‘Ruka!”
Iruka managed not to gag, swallowing a bit, but he ended up with a rather messy face in spite of it. He pulled away but slid his hand around Kakashi’s length, squeezing very lightly and pumping it once. Kakashi made another noise for that, pleasurable, and Iruka licked his chops smugly, loosening his grip a little. Kakashi lifted a hand slowly and ruffled his hair, pushing off the hitai-ate and enjoying the view while the world came back and his heart slowed back down.
Kakashi would have liked to enjoy that haze for a few more moments, except, Iruka got bored with it. The Iruka from behind him reached forward, grabbing the collar of the other half and pulling him forward for a kiss.
Poor Kakashi nearly died. It wasn’t that he was forgotten, no, Iruka kept all four hands on Kakashi, gentle caresses, but the kiss. He could hear teeth click and that same duel moan was replaced with a gasp. After what felt like a slow motion forever (but was probably closer to thirty seconds for those of you with watches) they pulled away from each other- or did he pull away from himself- gyuh- and the cleaner one started to lap the sticky white seed off the others face.
The only reason that Kakashi’s eyes weren’t as big as saucers was because he was remembering (barely) to keep the left one closed least he be made ill by the jutsu. This didn’t keep his jaw from going slack. He’s lapping at himself- at the- my- gyuh- “I- ah-, hope that’s not why you made this jutsu-”
“No, I made it for a different reason. This feels very weird to me, it causes a sensory feedback that’s not as pleasurable as it should be.” Both Irukas looked at him slyly. “Fun to watch though, isn’t it?”
Kakashi groaned and went boneless. “Mercy, mercy my Ruru.”
“Brat. Not done with you yet.” Kakashi felt the finger there again, circling, then hesitating. “Unless, unless coming hurt? If you want me to stop-”
“Iruka, if you even joke about that I’m going to shove you back into one body and spank you.” Kakashi rotated his shoulders. “Are you uncomfortable? Either of you?”
Iruka shook his head. “Not at all. So you’re sure coming didn’t-”
“Ruruuuu-” Kakashi grabbed his collar and pulled him forward, kissing him hard. “Unless you could taste blood- I don’t taste it on you so I doubt it-” Iruka was cutting off his air and kissing him back now though, their mouths fighting for a few moments. “I like this collar.”
“I’ll be sure to wear it more often.” Iruka panted, rubbing his thumb across the tip of Kakashi’s organ. It was coming back to life slowly, but that was okay. Iruka had time. “It’d go under my normal shirts. You wouldn’t know if I had it or not.” He sounded amused by this idea.
“You know if you’re wearing it I’ll have to kiss you senseless, at the very least.” Kakashi inhaled slowly. “Got it?”
“Yes, promise?”
“I’d do it in the middle of class.”
“Would you?”
“Yeah. I’d pin you to the board and slam my body to yours and push my tongue down your throat and then I’d take off.”
“You’d leave?” Iruka pouted so very fuckab- cutely that it earned an actual twitch from Kakashi’s length. “What if I dismissed the class to the next teacher over? What then? Would you take me on the desk?”
“If I made it that far. Or against the board. Or on a student’s desk, over the window sill-” Kakashi stopped as Iruka slid his finger back in, slowly. “Think you’d let me, ah, defile the classroom like that?”
“Maybe.” Iruka said, wriggling his finger slowly and watching Kakashi’s face. Don’t wanna rush it. “I won’t let you make a habit of it.” It wasn’t that Iruka wasn’t horny, oh, hell no that’s not it, but with Kakashi like this he wasn’t getting too much direct stimulation, it wasn’t completely maddening. So long as he didn’t look at those pale, long, lean legs too much. Or think about the smooth muscles under the graffiti. Or the swelling, pinkening member in his hands that was nearly all the way hard again, still damp with his saliva. Or the relaxed look on his face as his eyes (okay, eye) slowly became hazy with warm honey lust. Or how his lips were pink and swollen, how the moisture from his sweaty hair crept down his neck- and how nice that particular trickle of sweat tasted if you just leaned forward a bit and licked it up in one big swipe.
Kakashi was getting seriously addicted to the way Iruka’s tongue felt on his skin. “Do that s’more.”
(Naruto and Sakura are on their date now. Do you care?) ^_^
Iruka shivered at that tone and shut his eyes, worshiping Kakashi’s skin with his lips. He tasted salty and a tiny bit bitter, just a little, with an odd metallic tang, and sex. Oh yes, sex is a flavor. Kakashi’s arms slunk around Iruka’s shoulders, fingers following his spine and the sweat it channeled. The arms from behind Kakashi moved to hold back Iruka’s hair, the hips under Kakashi shifted, rubbing against him.
Kakashi moved his hips in response, the shirt had fallen out of the way a while again by now, he could feel the erection very clearly against his skin. “Aren’t your pants too tight?”
Iruka nodded without looking up from the nipple he’d started to circle with his tongue. The lips at his ear answered, “Ye, yeah. Kinda hurts. I’ll get them in a second.”
“Let me-” Kakashi pushed at the shoulders in front of him, tugged at the collar till Iruka was more upright. He had to shift himself, really, but he reached down and started to undo those really, truly, fabulously naughty pants. It was tricky, the buttons were so tight it made them hard to work off and Kakashi was damned if he’d break them and give Iruka an excuse to not wear them again. “Do both halves get aroused if I touch one?” he asked, sliding in a hand to ease it out without scraping it on the heavy steel zipper. The almost dizzy look of raw want he received was enough of an answer. He pumped it firmly and felt both of Iruka halved sharply inhale. “I’m ready, you know.” More shifting of flesh and leather and Iruka was totally freed, being slowly massaged.
“Y-you sure?” Iruka kissed him shallowly, breathing around it. It moved their bodies close enough that Kakashi could rub their lengths together easily.
“No Iruka, I only get this way when I’m bored and thinking of dead fish.” Kakashi grinned as Iruka giggled at that, then cut him off with another kiss. “Want you. Now.”
Iruka nodded, and Kakashi found himself being carefully probed by two very slick fingers.
“When did you open the tube?”
“A while ago.”
“Good Ruru- ah-“ Kakashi crooned softly as the third finger was entered, pushed in. Hands were on his hips, shifting him a little; he leaned his torso forward a bit and the kneeling Iruka in front of him took one of his legs, set the calf on his shoulder. Kakashi smiled, strained as Iruka wriggled those fingers. Kakashi retaliated with a light squeezed and Iruka moaned.
Being slowly impaled on your lover while you could still feel his cock in your hand was weird. Not weird in a bad way, or even a different way, it was weird in a way that Kakashi was sure he’d have to beg for it again at some point. The hands on his hips pushed down until he was fully seated, stretched. Kakashi just felt full, more than pain. The Iruka in front of him took his wrists, lifted them, looped them around his neck and pressed himself to Kakashi. This put Kakashi’s one leg at a nearly stupid angle (stupid being far worse than ridiculous) so Iruka let it slide to hook in his elbow. Kakashi complied, not wanting to try to second guess while Iruka worked out the angles. With one arm holding Kakashi’s leg up, the other settled against the tree.
There was another moment as Iruka got his stability, then a thrust. Kakashi took a small intake, sucking in air. Kakashi being pushed against raised him and when he started to come back down the Iruka under him pushed his hips up. “That works- do it again-” He said.
“Demanding much?” Iruka mumbled, but he didn’t even hesitate to obey. The second thrust was firmer, as was the third. “Ah-” The kneeling Iruka half pushed up against Kakashi, lifting him, trapping their cocks against each other and making them rub before letting him sink back onto the thrust.
“More, Ruru, more.”
Iruka obeyed again, glad to.
“Ruru, more- Need you.” Not an order this time; it was begging, pleading that this wonderful, wonderful person and both of his halves would consent to fucking him absolutely senseless, till he forgot his name. “Don’t- stop- don’t ever-” He had to stop talking, slightly awkward though it was, this position had fabulous angles working for it, and having two mouths on his neck, sucking and biting at him, and panting out syllables, was pure icing. Kakashi gripped Iruka’s shoulders, and if he had just a hair more length of his nails he might have drawn blood when he came. As it was his hard, callused fingertips left eight perfect red spots on Iruka’s back. He sucked desperately at Iruka’s ear and went limp as the other man got his own completion, coating their bellies with a second layer of extra sticky wet heat.
“I could get used to you coming in stereo.” Kakashi mumbled, eyes shutting. The hands digging into his hips slid around his waist and there was a soft chuckle and a sudden, distorted surge of chakara. Kakashi didn’t bother opening his eyes as he felt the Iruka in front of him vanish, and barely kept from falling forward. He would have if the Iruka, no, just Iruka now, hadn’t caught him. Iruka’s legs gave out, he sat, finally, stretching out his legs and Kakashi melted against him.
Iruka made a soft moan. Kakashi turned his head, questioning. “I get a little dizzy, going back to normal. It’s already gone.” He kissed the shoulder in front of him.
Kakashi was amused to notice the pants and collar were on the forest floor. He shifted as Iruka came out of him, then turned, slumping against him. “Soon as I can move- I’m getting clothes and carrying you home.” He nuzzled into the shirt lazily and shut his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Iruka’s fingers through his hair. Iruka's heartbeat was soothing too, rapid but slowing into a lullaby. He could have fallen asleep but common sense told him passing out naked in the woods was an invitation for disaster. It was still tempting, though, Iruka’s body, his presence, his scent, all safe.
Iruka would have let Kakashi fall asleep, but experience told him falling asleep naked in the woods was an invitation for disaster. Waking up naked in the woods was also a bad sign. “C’mon, let’s go.”
“In a minute.”
“Your brat, Ruru.”
“Your Ruru.” Iruka nuzzled his hair. “Please? Your Ruru would like pants now before the ants find him.”
“Alright, but only because I’m the only one who gets to bite you there.” Kakashi said, slowly getting up and shaking out his clothes. Yeah, they’d been folded but in the excitement they’d been kicked. He dressed lazily, tugging his shoes on, then laughed as Iruka pulled out a pair of normal pants. “No more leather?”
“If you knew how sweaty those were you wouldn’t ask.” Iruka grumbled. “here- I’ll compromise-“ he leaned over and picked up the collar, then put it on. “How’s tha- mmph-” he let himself get pushed against the tree, and enjoyed the smooth, firm ripple of Kakashi’s shoulders. He hadn’t put his shirt back on yet and Iruka was leaning towards making some sort of formal request to ban it ever being put on. We could be the shirtless ninjas of hidden leaf… Mmm.
Kakashi grinned and slid his hands around Iruka’s waist, underneath the loose black shirt. This is probably one of those ‘moments’ where I look him in the eyes and tell him I love him, and how much.
This would be a really good time for him to say he loves me. Or I could tell him.
Thought Iruka.
I hope he doesn’t try to say it first… Oh hell- Kakashi brought his hand up, set his fingers to Iruka’s lips. “Do you have everything Ruru?” Iruka nodded and licked his fingers. Kakashi laughed softly and kissed his ear, then pulled away. “Let’s go then.”
Iruka nodded and sighed. He was aware Kakashi had dodged a moment somehow, a feat he hadn’t known was really possible. But then, if he dodged it- If he stopped me from saying ‘it’, saying ‘I love you’, then he knew I was going to say it. And if he knows I’m going to say it- Interesting conundrum. Iruka picked up his bag and followed. “When you say home you mean MY home, right? Since your place is still rigged?”
“Yeah.” Actually Kakashi had just said home without thinking. He thought about that and decided that ‘home’ probably meant Iruka anyway. Go subconscious go. Because, home was suppose to be safe. And no one felt safer to him than Iruka. His Ruru. Because I know he wouldn’t hurt me. Kakashi smiled to himself and pulled on his shirt and vest.
If he dodges again, and tries to stop me from telling him I’ll hit him with a stick. Yeah. That’ll work. Iruka smiled to himself and trotted to catch up.

~o.o~ I am a tiny Scene_breaK! I dance! ~o.o~
’s note- I very nearly cut to this in the middle of the above. Damn conscience.
~O.O~ I am a BIG Scene_breaK! I dance! ~O.O~

“It’s hot pink!” Sakura said in wide eyed horror at the final thick padded bedding item that Naruto nailed to the ceiling.
“Yeah.” Naruto handed her an ice cream bar. “Chocolate?”
“Thank you- but it’s so bright!”
“It was on sale.”
“Like the orange one?”
“No, I just like orange. And it was on sale.” Naruto sat on his formerly threadbare couch, now over padded with heavy canvas futons in purple and green. The whole place (except the kitchen) looked as if Numbnuts the cat had eaten a bunch of brightly colored lizards and puked them all over the place. Sakura sat next to him, leaning back and staring at the patchwork ceiling. “It’s pretty. And you’re right, it’s warmer. Thank you.”
The warmth was certainly good, as it got him to lose the jacket again, Sakura considered. It’d been a very nice date. He’d produced more food (not ramen; by some miracle he’d produced a rather nice spread of snack like foods) and they’d spent the time discussing the bedding on the walls, the fact Naruto could hang up some scrolls or something, Iruka’s new kitty, and the KibaShino situation, as Sakura called it, along with some rather pointless gossip about who should be sleeping with whom. Naruto seemed to think that Kakashi was probably dating Gai in secret, but had stopped theorizing about it when Sakura had dissolved into howls.
Naruto privately thought his theory held water, but only because of his personal experiences with rivalry=raging lust. And he didn’t really want to tell that to Sakura.
“I want to do this again.” It wasn’t a blurt, but it did sound blunter in the air than he’d hoped and winced a little.
“No, no, have a, have a date thing.”
Sakura regarded her now clean and damp popsicle stick with a rather serene smile. “Oh, do you?”
“Sakura-” Naruto bit his lip. “Please?”
“I'm just teasing you. I'd love to do something else with you besides training." Sakura rolled her head to look at him. He was obviously debating if clenching his fist and cheering was a good idea. Cute, he really is. Not gorgeous- Inner Sakura cut in with a comment about wet t-shirts- Oh, shut up you. Right now he's just cute. And so she leaned her head over and kissed him on the cheek. He smelled like grass and wet leaves. Her lips were only on his skin for a heartbeat but she could already feel him heating up with a first rate blush. It made her laugh, though she kept it very quiet. "You're so pink. You look like my hair."
"I am?" He sat up now, looking at her.
"Yep." She leaned forward and kissed him again. "Well, not anymore, now you're too dark. If I do it again you'll be red."
"Wh-what color would you turn?"
She pretended to think about it. "I don't know." Try it and find out, you know you want too- Inner Sakura egged him on.
"Can I see?" He asked shyly. The irony that it was taking longer for him to kiss Sakura than it had taken to get Sasuke out of his pants was currently lost on the blonde. Sakura nodded barely, or at least, he really, really hoped that was a nod and not her shifting to stab a kunai into his belly. It didn't matter, he was already moving.
She tasted like lemonade and her lips were soft. He pulled away, blushing furiously and very glad he’d kept his tongue to himself. She smiled, happy with that first, sweet kiss.
The second kiss was a little less sweet and nearly knocked poor Naruto off the couch. And the only reason she kept her tongue to herself was because she wasn’t sure what to do with it. Poor Naruto did the only thing he could think of, which was to throw his arms around her shoulders and squeeze. By the third kiss (possibly the fourth because there had been an air break in the second one) he’d thought of several different things to do and was fighting the physical side effects of such thoughts by thinking of dead fish.
By the fourth kiss Inner Sakura was patting herself on the back for a job well done, and by the fifth (or was it sixth?) kiss she’d totally taken control.
By the tenth (or eleventh) kiss Naruto was at his door, feeling stunned and delightfully delirious as he watched her walk away a happy little bounce to her step.
That…. was a very good date. He decided, falling over backwards once she was out of sight.
Sakura rounded a corner and started to giggle. Bwahahaha. A good date indeed.

~o.o~ I run in ciiircles…. ~o.O~

This….. would be a hell of a lot easier if I liked blondes… “Ummm, try pinkening the lips? Look flushed- from a workout.”
The clone in front of him rolled his eyes and redid the seals. There was another bampf and the flush and lips were added.
Kakashi sighed from his seat on the roof. Not being a pedophile he was trying to remember what he’d found attractive at fourteen, but as it’d been curvier with better hair, this was hard. “Urgh, umm, open the jacket?”
The clone obeyed.
“Ookay, fuss the hair, ah, less. It’s a little too long.”
“Is not.” The clone scowled, expression heightened with a barrowed halo of bright gold hair.
“Is too. And your voice is wrong, stop talking like you have my ribcage, You’re Naruto now..”
“I think this is sick. And I think you’re still mad I got laid while you were pink.”
Kakashi glared until the clone sighed and did it again, another bampf. He sighed and motioned that the clone should spin, and the clone did so, stretching and hopping and bending in place. “Hell, I don’t know…”
“Oh, fuck it- he’s probably disoriented by now anyway.”“Yeah but he’s a paranoid little fuck…” Kakashi scowled. “So it needs to be perfect…”
“I am!”
“Uh huh. Let’s hear the ‘I will be Hokage!’ speech again.”
The clone sighed and complied.
“Mm. Okay, the voice is perfect.”
“Can I go do this now? Little brat's gonna chidori me anyway.”
“But he can only kill you once and I can do it as many times as I like.”
“Fine, fine, point taken, but I’m outta here before the brat's pants come off.”
“That’s fair.”
The clone slapped his hands together and exited. Kakashi grinned. Okay, so this part hadn’t been discussed with his Ruru. Buuuttt….. Kakashi figured it was partially fair. He’d spent a week fighting off clones, let Sasuke try it a bit.
And if the brat tried to yell? Well, those sandy nocturnal indigenous penguin eagles were wily bastards, Kakashi was sure they’d get off scott free. He always did… Now, to go talk his Ruru into dressing up in a few of the more questionable items he’d found in the man's closet… Starting with the miniskirt.