Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ What Naruto Wants ❯ Maybe I should punch myself ( Chapter 2 )

Alright, now beginning chapter two! I know it's sort of a goofy idea for a fic, but I guess it's supposed to be like that. I've been on a crazy fic-writing binge over the last few days. Maybe it's because I only just started writing them a few days ago (If you don't count the Legend of Mana one which is a few months old). Or maybe it's because I'm experiencing withdrawals after not reading or watching any new Naruto in a while. My dad won't let me download anymore of the anime until I buy more cds to burn it on. He says it's taking up to much space on the computer. I NEED it! I already read it all in the manga, but I have a short memory-span, so I already forgot what happens anyway. Speaking of the manga, I also can't wait for chapter 213. I'll die if I don't read it soon. I'll literally die! Anywho… on with the fickie.

Oh, and Naruto doesn't belong to me. If it did, it would suck, and you would have never read it. You also would have never watched it, because it would have sucked too bad to have it's own anime.

/word/ = thoughts

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The clock on Naruto's nightstand read 12:42 p.m. when he decided that napping just wasn't going to work. All he had done is roll around in his bed with his eyes closed, trying really hard not to picture all of the X-rated images that Kakashi had oh-so-kindly supplied him with. When he wasn't fighting hard not to think about <content not suitable for some audiences>, he was wondering why the heck everyone was acting so strange today. /Maybe they're all playing some kind of trick on me. Yeah, that's gotta be it! Some sort of joke to make me think I'm losing it or something! Why else would everyone be acting so weird?/ He quickly got out of bed and re-dressed himself. /I'll go find them and make them tell me what's going on!/ Just then, his stomach rumbled loudly. /But first, I'll eat something./

As he prepared some instant ramen, he considered who he should try and find first. /I could try Kakashi-sensei, but who knows where he could be. That pervert's probably reading his stupid book, or thinking about the dirty things he was saying…/ Naruto visibly shuddered. /…earlier. Plus, he probably wouldn't answer me, or even worse: He might start saying perverted things again, to distract me. I bet Iruka-sensei would tell me, but he's got class. I don't want to wait until school gets out to ask him. I guess that leaves Sakura-chan. I hope she's not still angry./ Just then, he noticed the water was boiling, so he finished making his meal.

Naruto left his apartment feeling a little better, since he had eaten, but still wary of asking Sakura. She had seemed particularly angry today. /Maybe that bastard Sasuke said something mean to her again. I should kick his ass for being so bitchy to her all the time! Then Sakura-chan would have to fall for me!/ He grinned widely, slipping into his little pretend world. He lost track of where he was going (Not that he had any particular destination) and stopped when he realized he was in a large field. He looked around, trying to get an idea of where he was, when he saw Shikamaru lying on his back, presumably sleeping. Since Naruto was not at all considerate, he ran up to the napping boy and kicked him in the side.

Shikamaru winced and cursed. He seemed a bit surprised to see Naruto. /What has he developed this habit now, too?/

Naruto stared down at his lazy friend and grinned. "Were you sleeping?"

He scowled at Naruto. "Don't try and pretend you didn't notice," He slowly sat up. "What do you want?"

"Have you seen Sakura-chan around anywhere?"

"No, I haven't seen her." /Now go away, I was trying to sleep, idiot./

"Hey, I'm not an idiot! You're an idiot!" ((AN: Wow, there's a great come-back.))

"What the hell are you talking about, Naruto? Did you get hit in the head or something?" /He just gets louder every time I talk to him, I swear!/

"Dammit, not you too!" Naruto groaned. "What's wrong with you guys? What's the big idea, playing a trick on me??'

Shikamaru just stared at him. /Should I even bother hitting him and telling him he's an idiot, or should I just walk away? At least Sasuke made a little more sense!!/

"Hey, if you hit me, you'll regret it!!" Naruto declared as he raised a fist in warning. "And who cares about stupid Sasuke?"

"Wha…what did you say!?" /I didn't say that out loud, did I?/ The dark-haired boy said as he gaped at Naruto.

Naruto looked his fist uncertainly. "I said that I'd hit you back… I guess." He shook his head. "Hey, wait. Stop doing that, I already know you guys are playing some kind of trick!"

/Ugh, this is so troublesome…/ "First of all, who are `us guys'?"

"You, and Iruka-sensei, and Sakura-chan, and Kakashi-sensei." He said as he counted the names on his fingers.

/I know I must have just accidentally said it out loud. Maybe I'm still asleep?/ "And what do you think we're doing to you?"

"Dammit, you know what you're doing!!" Naruto exclaimed as he pointed his finger down at Shikamaru who had never bothered to stand up.

/Maybe he trained too hard and snapped…/ "Just answer the question."

"You all keep saying weird things and then pretending you didn't!"

/Weird things?/ "What kind of weird things?"

"Well, Sakura-chan kept saying `Sasuke' in-between while she was talking, and Iruka-sensei was acting weird and saying I was cute… and Kakashi-sensei was saying really perverted things!" He suddenly looked annoyed. "And stop muttering to yourself while I'm talking!! ((AN: It's supposed to be like Shika-chan's thinking while Naruto's speaking.))

"Naruto…" /This is stupid, why am I even considering this?/

"Eh? Considering what?"

Shikamaru stared at him wide-eyed for a moment. "Naruto… what number am I /twelve/ thinking right now?" /There's no way… twelve, twelve, twelve, twelve…/

The blonde looked at him like he was crazy. "…Twelve?" /Wait… did he even move his lips that time?/

His eyes were practically popping out of his skull. /This isn't possible… I must be dreaming! Maybe I should pinch myself./

Naruto punched the unsuspecting boy in the face. Shikamaru flew sideways and hit the ground.

"Fffuck!!" He sat up and clutched the side of his face. "Why the hell did you do that, you idiot??"

"Hey, I was only trying to help!" He shouted defensively. "It would have been stupid for you to punch yourself!!"

"You idiot!! I didn't say `punch', I said pinch!! Wait, no… I didn't even say it out loud! And even if you did think it was punch, you didn't have to do it so hard!"

He was quietly a little bit proud of himself, but he didn't say it. "What do you mean you didn't say it out loud? I heard you just fine!"

Shikamaru stood up and rubbed his poor cheek. /Well, at least I know I'm not dreaming… (Idiot.) Well, if I keep my mouth shut, the moron will get the picture… right?/

Naruto frowned. "What are you talking about?? You aren't making any sense!!"

Shikamaru's jaw dropped. /Is he really a complete idiot?/

"Hey, stop calling me names, or I'll hit you again!"

Collecting himself, he looked Naruto straight in the eye. /Do you notice anything strange about the way I'm talking to you?/

Naruto suddenly gasped and pointed. "Your lips aren't moving!! When did you learn to do that?"

A huge vein popped up on Shikamaru's head as he fought the urge to stab Naruto repeatedly in the face. "I'm not talking, you moron! I'm thinking!"

Naruto grinned stupidly. "Oh… Wait- what?"

"You were reading my mind just now! I didn't `learn to do' anything!" /Do you get it now, you stupid bastard?/

"Hey, I'm not a stupid bastard!"

Sighing deeply, Shikamaru dropped to the ground. /I really hate you./

"Why do you hate me, you're the one playing the joke!"

The brunette boy stared up at Naruto then started laughing quietly. /There's just no getting through to him./ He began to laugh louder. /He really is as stupid as I always thought he was!/ He began cackling like a lunatic. /Or maybe I've lost it, and this is just a crazy, painful dream!!/

Naruto just stared at him. He had never seen Shikamaru actually laugh. It was rare to see any emotion on his face besides discomfort. He slowly walked forward and said his name.

"Shikamaru…?" He got no response. "Hey, Shikamaru are you okay?" He got irritated after being ignored so he slapped him across the face, finally snapping him back to reality.

"Ow! Uhm… thanks." He rubbed his cheek, which for the third time that day had been hit. (Ino had smacked him earlier when he didn't respond right away after she asked whether or not he believed she'd marry Sasuke when she grew up.)

"Uhh… no problem."

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Yay! I finished chapter two! I know Shika-chan was out of character, but I just like the image of him laughing like a maniac, heh. Oh, and if you're wondering about his references to Sasuke during his thoughts, it's because of another fickie I wrote. You don't need to read that to enjoy this one, but you should, because you love me. I couldn't help but add it in. I might add a little of that later, too for reasons I wont tell you (Hee hee). You'll just have to wait for the next chapter to find out, I guess! Anyway, sorry the chapter is kind of short. I just couldn't really think of how to go on from here, so I thought it was a good time to end the chapter. You should review, that way I'll be inspired! Even thought the fic is stupid, you still want to inspire me, right? RIGHT??

Oh yeah, before I forget. I realize that most teenage boys wouldn't be so against perverted thoughts (Hell, Naruto does Sexy no jutsu, right?), but Kakashi's edited thoughts are supposed to be really, really bad and somewhat disturbing. He also manages to think them all in the space of… I don't know, a minute or so? Why? Because He's damn talented!