Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ What Naruto Wants ❯ Call Me Mistress ( Chapter 3 )

Man, I've got a headache. I know I should just go to bed, but I want to work on this, even a little before I sleep. See? This is why my fics are funky. I write them while I'm half asleep. I'm so glad I have spelling and grammar check; otherwise my fickies would be riddled with mistakes. Oh, and in response to Devon Rehab's review: I was thinking about doing something along those lines, hee hee.

Naruto doesn't belong to me. No da.

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"So… you're saying I can read minds?"

It had taken about ten minutes for poor Shikamaru to explain to Naruto that he wasn't playing a trick, but instead having his mind read by the blonde. Naruto really has a way of proving that blonde jokes are true doesn't he? It had taken several demonstrations, one involving Naruto placing his hand on Shikamaru's throat to check for vibrations while the latter thought `aloud'.

"Yes. For the last time, that's what I'm saying!" /I don't think I've spoken this much in my life!/

"Wow!" Naruto exclaimed. "Not only am I invincible, but I can read minds too!!"

"What do you mean, `invincible'?" /I can't take much more of this…/

"Oh, you didn't hear?"

Shikamaru just glared. /Obviously not, idiot./

"I told you to stop calling me that!!"

"I can't help but think it, if you're retarded!!"

Naruto scowled, but went on. "Well, I was struck by lightening the other day when it was raining, see, and-"

"Wait, you were struck by lightening??"

"Uh huh. Iruka-sensei said I slept for two days!" He held up two fingers as if he were proud of it.

"Hmmm…" /Maybe that's why.../

"What do you mean?"

He just couldn't get used to having his mind read. "How long have you been hearing people's thoughts?"

"Only since I woke up today, why?"

"After being unconscious?" /Gawd, he's thick./

"Yeah…"

"Well, maybe being hit by lightening is the reason why you suddenly have this ability." /Duh./

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense…" He said slowly. "Maybe that means I'll go back to normal if it happens again!"

"Maybe… But, I don't think you should try it. It's not exactly a smart thing to do." /Death by toaster./

"But what am I supposed to do? I don't like hearing what people are thinking!" He got a far-off expression on his face as he remembered his encounter with Kakashi.

"You know, something like that would really come in handy. You could become an excellent interrogator with a skill like that. Maybe even a famous ninja."

Naruto crossed his arms and tilted his head to one side. /Yeah… I would be famous! I bet Sasuke would be so jealous!/ But then he thought of <content not appropriate for some audiences> and decided it just wasn't worth it.

"No…" He looked Shikamaru straight in the eye. "You have no idea how horrible some thoughts could be. Some things just aren't meant for others to know…" He looked like a survivor of some horrible catastrophe as he gazed as if through Shikamaru.

"Uhh… I see." /I don't ever want to know what's on that Kakashi's mind./ "Well, we don't know what to do about this. Maybe you should see Hokage-sama."

"Yeah! Why didn't I think of that?" (Shika-chan: /'Cause you're an idiot./) "The old man will know what to do!"

Naruto got up (Shikamaru had finally gotten him to sit) and dusted off the seat of his pants with his hands.

"Wait, before you go…" /heh heh…/

"Hnn?"

"I think you should talk to Sasuke." Shikamaru was trying his hardest to keep his mind empty. /Butterflies… pretty, blue butterflies./

Naruto scowled. "Why should I talk to him?"

"I just thought he… might know something about all this."

"You mean, like this is all some trick of his??" He was already getting angry.

/Gawd, you're stupid./ "No, he might have an idea about it, though."

"Well, I don't care what that bastard has ideas of! I'll go talk to the old man," He went off in the direction of the Hokage's office.

Shikamaru sighed deeply and settled back down on the grass. /Well, I tried…/

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"I'm sorry, but you can't see Hokage-sama right now." /Ugh, not him again…/

"What? Why not??"

Naruto wasn't about to get turned back now that he was at the old man's office! He had already run into Ino, who had the same exact habit of thinking of nothing but Sasuke as Sakura, and he didn't want to meet up with anyone else. /I got lucky that time. Next time it could be worse!/

"He's in a very important meeting and can not see anyone right now. I'll let him know you stopped by." /Just go home, you little turd, before I wring your neck!!/

It was really difficult for Naruto not to bitch-slap the woman behind the desk. "Urgh! This is really important! I need to see him now!"

"I'm sure it is, but I can't make any exceptions, sorry!" /Just die, you ugly, stinky little spawn of Satan!/

"Fine! Just tell him I NEED to see him!" He stomped away before the witch could think anymore reasons for him jump over the desk, tear her heart out, and eat it while it was still beating. /Then I'd show you a spawn of Satan, you whore…/

Yeah, he had also run into a lot of people who thought things similar to the receptionist. Not a lot of people liked Naruto. It was even more noticeable than usual when their cold looks were accompanied by hurtful thoughts. As you can probably guess, this wasn't putting him in a better mood. He decided the best thing to do was go home, and just trying to see the Hokage again later, or maybe tomorrow.

He was deep in thought ((AN: Gasp!)) when he thought he had heard a familiar voice say his name. He glanced around and saw Hyuuga Hinata. /Man, now I'm going to have to find out how not-nice she really is…/

"Hi, Hinata. Did you say my name just now?"

"H-hi… Naruto-kun," /Oh my gawd, he's looking at me!/ She brought her fingers together in front of her, looking at her feet. "Ye… yes, I said your name…" /His eyes are so beautiful!/

The last thought made him blush a bit. /Did she just think what I think she thought?/ ((AN: Say that three times fast, bii-atch.)) He realized it was his turn to talk and stuttered for a moment. "Uhh, s… o, what are you doing?"

"I-I'm not really… I'm not really doing anything…" She blushed. /He's talking to me! He even noticed me when I said his name this time!/

Naruto couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Oh… I was just heading home."

/Is he blushing!?/ "Oh, I see… Should I leave you alone then?"

Trying to keep from blushing only made it worse. "N-no, it's fine, I'm just…" He couldn't remember what he was going to say.

/Oh, I've imagined him blushing like that so many times. I wonder why he's doing that?/ "Ju-just what, Naruto-kun?" /He looks so cute when he blushes!/

/Dammit, I can't concentrate!!/ "Heh heh… I can't remember!" He grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.

"Oh…" /I can just picture him blushing like that… Blushing as he calls me mistress./

It was all he could do to keep his jaw from dropping to the ground. /D-did she just say…!?/

"Naruto-kun, are you okay?" She stepped forward a bit then backed up shyly, afraid to get too close. /Down on all fours in his tight vinyl outfit, waiting for my praise…/

Naruto turned bright red. /Vinyl?? I can't believe Hinata thinks those kinds of things! And about me!!/ "I-I'm okay… Sorry, I just feel a little sick, heh."

"Oh, d-do you have a fever?" She looked like she wanted to feel his cheek, but he was glad she didn't since he probably would have fainted. / `Oh, Mistress! Spank me, I've been such a bad boy!' Then I'd take my paddle and-/

"Sorryhinataihavetogobye!" He ran as quickly and as far away from the shocked girl as his legs could handle.

He didn't pay attention to where he was going, as long as it was away from the amorous young woman. He didn't stop until he was in the forest where he usually trained. His face was still beat-red when he stopped, leaning against a tree to catch his breath. /I can't believe… I think I'm going to… throw up!/ ((AN: Not throw up in the `Ewe, Hinata' way. More in the scared/nervous/surprised and it makes you queasy kind of way, you know?)) /I never would have thought she would ever think things like that!!/

As he waited for his heart to stop beating like a drum, he heard a noise on his right. He turned and saw a figure approaching him. /Ugh, not that bastard Sasuke… I don't feel like hearing his thoughts. Probably nothing but `Oh, I'm so cool' or `I'm so miserable, someone hug me- wait, no, don't touch me!'/

"What are you doing out here, dead last?" Sasuke called as he came towards him. Naruto waited for thoughts, but didn't hear any. Well, he was a bit far away… /Is there a distance limit on this??/

"None of your business!" He called back. He was hoping desperately that the blush was gone from his cheeks.

He stopped about two yards away and put a hand on one hip, looking annoyed. ((AN: When does he not look annoyed?)) /…Is he blushing?/

/Dammit!/ "What are you looking at me like that? Wait, why are you out here?"

"I was training." /He is blushing…/

"Oh… Well, so was I!"

"No you weren't." /He looks cute when he's blushing- I mean…. Dammit, stop thinking like that!/

All the color drained from Naruto's face. /Did he say… cute? CUTE??/

"…What's wrong with you?" /Wait, why is he up? No one told me he woke up…/

"N-nothing's wrong with me…" /except I might throw up./ ((AN: This time, possibly from `ewe, Sasuke.')) He tried to look angry as he pointed at Sasuke. "What's wrong with you??"

He ignored the question. "When did you wake up?" /It would have been nice if someone told me… idiots./

"I woke up today, why do you care?"

"I was just /worried about you/ curious, idiot."

/Why the hell was he worried??/ He tried not to remember what happened in the Wave country. "D-don't call me an idiot!"

"Whatever." /I'll call you whatever I want, and you'll like it, bitch./

/He is so lucky I don't want to look crazy right now!/ Naruto thought as he resisted punching the Uchiha for that last thought. "Well, I'm going home." I better get out of here before I regret it…/ He turned and began walking away.

/Man, he's got a nice ass…/

((AN: Remember the face Naruto had after 1000 years of pain?)) /What did he just say!?!/ Before he could even think, Naruto quickly turned to face Sasuke. /He did not just say I have a nice ass!/

Sasuke scowled. "What?" /I am so gonna tap that./

The blonde just opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, resembling a fish out of water. /What the…? Why the..? I think I'm going to cry!!/ ((AN: I mean, really; what was he supposed to say? I don't think I'd take it well if I heard those things from my friend/rival.))

/Mmm… I can just imagine what he can do with those luscious lips./

Naruto immediately closed his mouth. He was scared, confused, and beat-red (again). How was he going to get out of this? He needed to escape. Escape without letting Sasuke see his ass.

"…Are you okay, idiot?" /Do you need me to make you feel all better?/

"No! …I mean, I'm fine. I… don't feel good. My… my stomach hurts. Uhm, too much ramen."

"Then don't eat so much." /Or maybe we should play doctor./

"I…" He was on the verge of tears. /This is just too much!/ "Just shut up and leave me alone!!"

"What's your problem?" /On second thought, maybe he needs a good spanking./

/Oh gawd… not spankings again!/ "You're my problem, so leave!"

"I was hear first, moron. You leave." /Man, what is his problem? What a turn-off…/

"Fine, I will!" He was too afraid of hearing more, to even worry about showing his ass as he ran away. /That was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced in my entire life! Oh gawd, I just know he's staring at my ass…/ (He was.) /Why can't anyone be normal?/

He ran all the way home (which happened to be quite a long way to run without slowing down.). He didn't stop for anything. He didn't even want risk bumping into anyone else he knew. He didn't need anymore lasting emotional scars. He just needed to go home and lock his door. Then barricade it. Maybe he'd even live out the rest of his days locked in his tiny apartment where no one could think dirty thoughts about his mouth or his ass. The rest of his days would be very few, though considering he had almost no food, but he was willing to deal with that.

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That was just too fun to write. Man, I have such a twisted sense of humor… Speaking of which, does anyone else even think this is funny, or am I only entertaining myself? Man, I really need to sleep. I've been up all night. I think I'll finally go to bed after I post this, though. I have to get my sister to read it first. Luckily, she just woke up. I'm not sure why though. It's early! Well, at least to me, since according to my mother, I'm a vampire, heh.

Oh… yeah. "I hereby declare Jellystone Park as the neatest park in all the west!" Boomerang is scary…