Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ The Ikari Doctrine ❯ The War Convention ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer…. I don't own Evangelion… gainax does :P

Chapter 6: The War Convention

"The State of Shinji officially declares that all information regarding the possession of or use of weapons of mass destruction is deemed classified and will not be shared at this the first Katsuragi summit."

Shinji had long since put his "poker face" on, after all he was dealing with one of the worlds superpowers. It was hard to maintain though, the rolls of toilet tissue sticking out of his nose was a distraction in and of itself. The state of Asuka just stared right back never flinching. It was still hard to ignore the fact that their arms were laid out and linked on the table and one of each of their legs were wrapped around the bottom of the table.

"The State of Asuka recognizes the sovereign power of the State of Shinji and the citizen there in. We still point to Katsuragi resolution 1411 that states; all weapons of mass destruction will be turned over by the State of Shinji in a timely fashion. It also states, as I'm sure you know, that any attempt to avoid our inspections of the State will be met with overwhelming force. The State of Asuka will not be blackmailed into compliance by any of the State of Shinji's terrorist acts. Henceforth, if needed we are prepared to declare war on the State of Shinji and take away recognition of its body as a sovereign power."

Resolution 1411? What the hell is that?

"The State of Shinji has not and will not recognize or comply with any resolution that it has never heard of or had an impact on."

"The State of Shinji has no say in the resolution; it is governed by the Katsuragi accord. The Sate of Shinji will be subjugated to its will." Asuka said while jumping up from her chair. This, as all things Asuka does, had a negative impact on Shinji. It yanked his leg forward and arm forward. If his legs hadn't been straddling the table it would have been only a minor inconvenience. Such was not the case and Shinji howled in pain.

I'm falling in love with a person who ought to be in a loony bin… and if I keep getting hit there I'll never have children.

Shinji sat back up as strait as he could, this time though he made sure both legs were on the outside of the table.

"The State of Shinji recognizes no such authority. Under the threat of war we have no other choice than to retaliate, and under the rules in war we will consider it appropriate to use any and ALL means or retaliation."

Asuka eased back into her chair.

"Then the State of Asuka, acting without the compliance of the Katsuragi accord, declares that one hour after the 7th angel is defeated all demands listed under resolution 1411 will be complied with or the State of Asuka will declare war on the State of Shinji."

Now, if she just made the Katsuragi accord up and it consists of no one but her, why would she act without it's compliance?

"And furthermore until the appointed time inspections will continue." She added as a afterthought.

Gotta find those pictures and I can't lose any time to do it in.

"The State of Shinji will comply with any inspections sent by the State of Asuka and ask for nothing but a peaceful end to all this nonsense."

"Then let the inspections begin!!" Asuka shouted while jumping to her feat once again.

This time though, it only yanked him out of his chair and banged his head on the side of the table.

At least it didn't get anything important!!

Shinji tried to make it back to his feet while he was being dragged behind the beautiful redhead but only succeeded when she got to his door and stopped her advancement on what was determined to be "Bakaraq". Shinji finally made it to his feet in time to see the door open and give them both a view into his native territory now scarred by past wars. He thought back to earlier that afternoon.

He remembered being dragged behind the determined 2nd child, he had tried to stand up before but it turned out he wasn't "following" fast enough and allowed himself to be dragged behind her for the next 15 minutes. She ripped almost everything in his room apart. His pillows were now scattered around the room in the forms of shredded cloth and stray puffs of cotton. His covers had been shredded as well. A lamp was the unfortunate victim of an inspection team that came in right after the first "war". He had lost it. It started out with her winning anyway. He only got out of the communication black out when his enemy removed her death hold from around his "Minnie Me" to shed light upon his "territory". He thought he had her down for the count when the psychological attack he used earlier in the day came to mind. Sadly the enemy had become conditioned to that form of attack. All it resulted in was a cheap feel and what he could only deem a flying head butt to the nose. He thought his nose was broken at first but it stopped hurting after a while. After the show of overwhelming force he reluctantly admitted loss and allowed the inspection teams to enter his territory per conditions of the surrender. It only stopped when she determined she was thirsty and needed a rest from "dragging his sorry ass around".

Time for memories of war was cut short as the inspections began again. This time though he could read her eyes and tell exactly what she was going to destroy next.

If he had the weapon in his territory still it would be almost too easy to hide it from where the inspector was heading.

That's the thing, the best place to hide weapons of mass destruction are in the country you plan to use them on.

He watched yet again as his only earthly possessions were ripped and shredded, even the light cover came off. After checking for weapons she broke it over her knee just for spite. She was going to his closet next, he could see her eyeing it as the satisfying snap, for her that is, of his light cover rebounded of the bare walls of his room. He started moving before she did and sure enough that was where she was headed.

Great! Now I gotta get new school uniforms. It'll be worth it in the end though, this is such a minor price to pay for the glory of revenge.

Asuka glanced over at Shinji as she was tearing his last pair of school pants up.

Damn him to hell!! He's freaking smiling! I'm tearing his stuff up and he's smiling!

This, of course, made the irate redhead tear all the harder and frown all the deeper. Her pace increased greatly as well.

Shinji was smiling and looking around the rest of the room as his new companion and enemy raised a question... or statement.

"Well, well! No one told me the invincible first child played a cello!"

Oh shit!

"Let's see what kind of havoc we can reek with it!" She stated as she reached in for the cello.

"Don't touch the cello second child!"

Asuka recoiled immediately at the voice of the pissed off Ikari.

Apparently when you piss him off he sounds like his dad.

"R-resolution 1411 sta.."

"Cut the bullshit! If you lay a finger on that cello I'm going to bite your ear plum off of your head."

Asuka would have thought he was joking around if it not for the cold stare he was giving her.

Damn, that must be why the commander where's his glasses, he doesn't want to scare everybody to death.

Of course Asuka's pride wouldn't let her give up that easily.

"If you bite my ear off I'll just have to kill you." She tried to say it casually as if she didn't care but it came off as strained.

Damn my nerves!

"I'll admit you might get me in the end, but I'll take your ear out, and maybe even your nose or lip."

It would have sounded funny if he would have put some kind of emotion into it but he didn't and his eyes still remained just as cold. Asuka backed away with her free foot as Shinji eyed her like a hawk sizing up it's prey.

"O-Ok S-Shinji, I'll allow this one concession." She said it almost questioningly.

"Yes, by all means, allow it."

He apparently stands up for what he cares about. Note to self: Don't fuck with the cello.

Asuka glanced around the closet quickly as Shinji kept his eyes trained on her.

"Ok, looks like your room is clean of the memory stick so lets head to the living room next."

Anything for you to go back to "wimpy Shinji".

Shinji just kept his eyes on her as she cautiously swivelled around him and then followed her as she made her way out of his room.

Once in the living room Asuka assessed the situation with Shinji.

She found that he was back to "normal" and continued her search in the livingroom.

After a grueling three hours of searching she decided that the search would be fruitless and directed Shinji to make dinner. The menu as Asuka decided it would be grilled fish and miso soup. Shinji had no opinion one way or the other of the meal but he insisted that she do her part. That was a mistake on his part. While Shinji was a perfectionist at his work and greatly disliked any change from the norm Asuka could care less about getting it perfect and was doing her best to piss him off.

The problem started with the comment "If you don't stir it more the bottom will burn."

Shinji thought it was a helpful suggestion while Asuka took it as a characterization of her entire life and not just the soup.

"Are you saying I can't do anything right third child!"

Why me lord! Why me!

"It was just a suggestion Asuka."

"Oh don't you give me that "it was just a suggestion" crap! You don't think I can do anything right."

I'll never understand how a woman can take the littlest suggestion and turn it into a Pandora's Box of degrading remarks.

"Well, you tore up my room and life apart in record time so that's something you can do right."

"Well aren't we being the little smart ass today!"

Shinji put his spatula down and scratched his head thoughtfully.

"Although, you did do a good job of screwing up when we we're battling against the angel."

Whack!

The first hit stunned Shinji.

Whack!

The second hit clued him in on the fact that a ladle was impacting his head.

Whack!

The third hit he had his spatula halfway to blocking position.

The fourth hit never came though. Shinji opened his eyes from the attack and saw a calm looking second child stirring a pot of miso soup. He let a breath of relief pass through his lips and brought his spatula back down to flip the fish.

Whack!

Damn it!

"Damn it Asuka!"

"Well it serves you right, you know I had no idea the angel could do that!"

"Your right! Your right. I ended up eating dirt too you know."

"Well then don't say anything else about it!"

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Just as long as you don't wack me with the ladle I'll say whatever you want.

"So exactly why did you take the pictures of me?" She asked idly while re-inserting the ladle into the pot.

"To use to while "touching" myself, you know like Rei suggested." He said casually.

Asuka, for her part, didn't react to the new information the way he thought.

"Really?"

He is a total pervert.

Shinji chuckled at her question.

"No, I was just kidding. I would never look at them."

Whack!

"What was that for?!"

"That was for thinking like the perverted stooge that you are."

"ARGHH! I can't win can I?"

"No. I will always win and you will always lose. It's like being an eva pilot, I will always be better than you."

It's like living with a dictator.

"Of course, your right."

"Now your understanding it! Good stooge."

She patted him on the head causing him to slap himself several times.

"Fish is done!"

"Err... soup is done... I guess?" Asuka eyed the soup and Shinji questioningly.

Shinji put his finger in the soup, much to Asuka's horror, and tasted it.

"Done!"

"Ewww, you put your finger in it!"

"So, it's clean!"

"That is sooo not the point!"

That's so gross.

"Well if it disturbs you so much I won't do it again."

"Good!"

" Plate!"

Asuka reached up and pulled two plates from the cabinet and passed one to Shinji. He slapped a piece of fish on it and then reached up into his cabinet and pulled out a bowl.

Asuka ladled soup into the bowl and this then repeated itself. They carried each plate to the table and sat down to dinner.

"So how is this going to work?" Shinji asked.

"What?"

"Well Misato said we have to do stuff for each other, right?"

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

"ARGHH! Ok Ok! You feed me the fish and I'll feed you the soup."

"NO WAY!"

"Why not?"

What's his deal?

"You'll purposefully spill it on me."

Oh! That would have been a good idea.

"Whatever....baby, we'll do it your way."

"Good."

The events of the near future were comical and that's putting it lightly. Eventually though they were in a pretty good rhythm.

"So.. which stooge do I have to kill for seeing those pictures?"

"I didn't let them see them."

"And may I ask why not?"

"Are you disappointed they didn't see them?"

"No, just wondering what prompted your distorted act of chivalry."

"Well... your really too beautiful to be oogled."

Did I just say that?

Did he just say that?

"A-And don't forget it... so why did you take em if you're not gonna show em to people."

"Oh well that's easy. If you fuck with me too much my mind set just might change."

"So don't mess with you too much and my gorgeous body won't be oogled by perverts?"

"That was the gist of the thing."

Damn! I got to get those pics back.

"Looks like we're done."

"I'll tell you when I'm done third child!"

Asuka looked at both empty plates and bowls.

"I'm done."

I truly am in hell.

"Listen Asuka, I really have to go to the bathroom now."

"Now you listen third child, there is NO WAY IN HELL I'm going to the bathroom with you."

"I just have to pee."

"NO!"

"If you don't come... I will be forced to wet myself."

"So?!

It's you not me!

"You forget we are linked together."

Damn

"Well then let's get this over with damn it!"

The pair of them make their way to the toilet.

"What do you want me to do?"

She calls me a baka.

"Just turn around and don't look."

"So you don't want me to hold it?"

"Why on God's green earth would I want you to hold it?!!"

"I don't know, you don't have to bite my head off about it!!"

What a dumb ass!

"Just turn around."

"Whatever."

Asuka threw her nose up to the ceiling "hmphed" and crossed her arms making Shinji's arm fly over to her.

"Well what are you waiting for?"

Stage fright

That was what he was waiting for.

"Asuka, turn the water faucet on for me."

"I thought you didn't need my help?"

"Do you want to get out of here or not?!"

A second later the water was turned on. And thirty seconds later another stream of liquid was let loose. It would have went smoothly too, they were so close to making it. Asuka was a little curios though.

"YOU CHEAT!"

Asuka was caught and she knew it. Shinji was done when he got caught anyway but he wasn't "in" yet.

Shinji jerked his cuffed hand down to help out with the process of covering up. This was by no means the best idea because the hand that was attached to his ended up where his hand should have been.

"YOU FREAK!"

"I DIDN'T MEAN TOO!"

Shinji tucked his "Minnie Me" back into it's home as he was being dragged from the bathroom. Asuka really tried her best to put as much distance between her and his appendage as possible but she could only get so far.

"DAMN YOU! I didn't want to touch it!"

"NO! You just wanted to look!"

"I-I didn't look." Too meekly.

"YOU LIE!"

"Well if I did it was too small to see anything." that remark was meant to hurt.

"It was bigger than you'll ever see!"

"HA! That was Laughable."

"Whatever."

...

...

...

"We'll never talk of this again." Surprisingly Asuka broke the ice on this one.

"Never."

"Good then."

"Good."

...

...

...

"Let's go to bed." Shinji took his turn at breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah."

"Let's get your bed roll."

"Ok."

Asuka got both her bed roll and her pillow while Shinji got absolutely nothing because a certain redhead shred it.

It started out with them as far apart as possible.

Shinji stared up at the ceiling long after the redhead had gone to sleep. A light snore came from her sleeping form.

Look at her. She looks like an angel when she's sleeping... and not shouting or touching things. Look at her sweet pouting lips, her beautiful red hair, her long shapely legs, and her firm round .. ooh maybe I ought not look at those.

It was around the last thought that the girl in question rolled her way over to him until half of her body was straddling his.

This isn't good.

Apparently this form of torture wasn't good enough for the beautiful redhead so she took it one step further and rolled completely on top of him. He had now become a pillow. He looked over to the nice comfortable bed roll and pillow and only one thought crossed the young Ikari's mind.

This can only end in disaster.