Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Insanity Continues ❯ Mondays Are Hell! ( Chapter 17 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Lord Archive 
After a relatively quiet week, Akane fears the return of a normal week.
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Drama / Martial Arts / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 10.15.2012 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.0K | Visits: 595 | Status: Completed
After a relatively quiet week, Akane fears the return of a normal week.
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Drama / Martial Arts / Romance | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 10.15.2012 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.0K | Visits: 595 | Status: Completed
The Insanity Continues
Volume 4 - One of Those Weeks
Chapter 1 - Mondays Are Hell!
By: Lord Archive
Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Shogakukan and are used without permission. All rights reserved.
This volume is a little different than the previous volumes. The volume is more of unrelated insanity. Also, one character from Maison Ikkoku makes a guest appearance in this volume, as well as a cameo appearance of characters from a Clamp series.
-----------------------------
Akane's Diary Entry:
February 13th, 1994.
Dear Diary,
Besides principal Kuno wanting us to 'endorse' his new uniform design with an ugly Hawaiian print by wearing them, the past week has been rather quiet. That worries me. No new martial artists, no real fights, no bizarre contests, nothing but one insane idiot we all try to ignore anyway. While I like the peace, I know it'll end. This is going to be a bad week. I know I'm being a little paranoid, but living with Ranma it's more of survival instinct. The fact Dad and Ranma's parents are staying for the week, Mousse is now using Happosai's room, and tomorrow is Valentine's Day helps support my bad week theory.
I'm showing signs of morning sickness a little sooner than Dr. Tofu expected. I can expect to start throwing up in the next couple days. Oh, joy. I'll have to see him soon to make sure it's not a sign of a complication with my pregnancy.
I've quit the volleyball team. I know I didn't really have to, but Dr. Tofu said I had to watch how much I exercise and that I'll start being a little weaker physically. That means I'll no longer be able to put all my effort into playing the game. If I can't put 110% into it, I might as well not even try it. Ranma is happy about the decision. I just hope he doesn't start to get even more protective of me, he's already starting to get on my nerves.
Ukyou is reopening her restaurant Friday, and she has Nabiki helping her attract customers for it. It promises to be a big party. I hope nothing spoils it, but I'm willing to bet Ukyou's will be closed Saturday for repairs. I'll try to not be the cause of it, but I can't promise it. Despite Ukyou saying she's forgiven me for marrying Ranma, I really doubt she has. She's been colder to me now than she was when Ranma and I faked being married last year.
-----------------------------
The young substitute teacher approached his new assignment, teaching at Furinkan High. It was nice to get out of the madhouse he called home. It was great being able to leave all that insanity behind and go someplace sane. He sighed. If it wasn't for the fact Kyoko lived there, he would have been long gone. He wished he could spend more time with her, but he did have to make a living.
Godai looked up at Furinkan High as it loomed before him when he heard, "You won't take Madeline from Azusa!" He crashed to the ground as a cute, pint sized roller-blader carrying a golden Buddha ran over him.
Godai tried to pry himself off the sidewalk when he was run over by another roller-blader. "Put that back!"
Godai groaned and wobbled as he made it to his feet looking at the two as they disappeared down the street. He was then run over by a bunch of Buddist monks screaming obscenities at the two roller-bladers.
He tried again to stand up, and promptly was run over by several police officers.
A chair landed on the prone teacher knocking him unconscious. "Get back here, you JERK!!" Akane yelled.
"I said I'm sorry already!" Ranma yelled back, dodging a brick that Akane had thrown, his feet briefly running over something oddly soft that was laying on the sidewalk.
Akane seethed. "Sorry isn't good enough! I spent all morning cooking breakfast, and you couldn't appreciate it!!"
"Hey! I only threw up because you did!" Ranma retorted.
"Stupid jerk! That was morning sickness!" Akane growled, throwing her book-bag, which Ranma failed to dodge. She didn't notice the guy she stomped over as she went to pick up her book-bag off her dazed husband. "Come on, let's get to class."
Ranma shook his head and followed, muttering, "Uncute."
"Who's the speed bump?" Daisuke asked.
"Probably a substitute," Hiroshi replied.
"How long do you think he'll last?" Daisuke wondered.
Hiroshi examined the comatose teacher. "Hmm... Still breathing. I give him until Friday."
"You're being generous, Thursday," Daisuke countered.
"Brownie points?" Hiroshi asked.
"Can't hurt." Daisuke shrugged.
Hiroshi and Daisuke picked up Godai and took him to the nurses' station.
-----------------------------
Godai limped into what was suppose to be the principal's office, but seemed more like... Hawaii?
"Aloha! You must be Godai, the substitute teacher, yeah?" Principal Kuno questioned.
"Ah, yes," Godai answered, staring dumbly at the man with a palm tree growing out of his head.
"Now, keiki, you must be ready to face some baaad students. One in particular is a really bad coconut. Keep your eye on Saotome Ranma, and any punishment you want to place on him is okay with me." The Hawaiian reject grinned and handed the young sensei his teaching assignment. "You better hurry to class. You don't want to be late."
Godai nodded and left. He thought he would d never meet anyone more insane than his neighbors. He looked at the office sign and read the principal's name. He would have to make sure Kyoko never rents room nine to him.
-----------------------------
"Here comes a sucker just waiting to be robbed," a masked man commented.
"I don't think we should rob him," another man replied.
"Why not?" the first wondered.
"Well, every time we try to rob him, someone interferes and we get our asses kicked," the second pointed out.
"You're just being paranoid," a third masked man commented.
"We've tried to rob him twelve times, and NONE of them succeeded and you're telling me I'm being paranoid!" the second retorted.
"Shut up. The chances of against him being protected today are way too high. He's a sitting duck," the fourth masked man said firmly.
"You all owe money to Nabiki, don't you?" the second masked man asked.
The other three replied with a nod. Then the four of them committed to the attack, and pulled their target into the alleyway.
"Oh, no. Not again," Gosunkugi moaned while he was being dragged.
"All right, voodoo-boy, hand over all your money," the first masked man demanded.
"Or we'll have to hurt you," added the fourth.
"I can't give you my money. Nabiki will have my hide if I don't pay her today," Gosunkugi pleaded.
"We don't care," commented the third masked man.
"How dare you threaten that wonderful, brave, little man?" a voice asked behind the attackers.
They turned and looked at the leotard clad Black Rose holding her ribbon and poised for attack.
All four gloomily cursed their life.
"You must be punished." Kodachi attacked, and her targets ran like their lives depended on it.
Gosunkugi stared in shock at Kodachi.
"Miserable vermin." She sighed. "Oh, my dear Gos-chan, are you all right?"
Gosunkugi could not believe what just happened, so he fainted.
"Oh, dear. If I see that trash again, I must hurt them severely. Now I have to get him some help." Kodachi picked up Gosunkugi and took him to Furinkan High's nurses' station. She was a little surprised that Kuno wasn't there. She stayed with him for a couple minutes, but she had her own school to go to. With a sigh, Kodachi placed a package of chocolates on his chest and left.
-----------------------------
The young sensei began class. He got the normal range of responses. Most of them had a glazed look. A few actually looked interested. One girl looked like she might be developing a crush on him and he prayed she wouldn't be like that last girl. The class began to drone on only to be punctuated by an occasional fart or belch. The source seemed to be a girl with raven hair, but no girl could be that rude.
Akane sat in the class with a glazed look and a slight blush. She couldn't stop herself from emitting gas from one exit or the other. Ten minutes before class would end she shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She had to go the bathroom. She stared at what seemed to her to be a broken clock wanting desperately for the class to finish. Fifty seconds later, she couldn't take it any longer- she had to go NOW. Akane dashed out the classroom door.
Godai blinked in surprise at the girl running out of his class. She was that rude. "Miss, where do you think...."
~~~fitz>CRACK<*
Godai stood agape as an... energy beam(?) barely missed him. The girl leaving the class turned and glared at someone, but he couldn't tell who, he was trying to understand how part of the chalkboard just exploded. The young sensei didn't know how to answer his own questions, so he decided to go with the old stand-by method of dealing with something that didn't seem sane- ignore it. After a minute, Godai regained his thoughts and resumed class.
-----------------------------
Ukyou sat under a tree, eating lunch alone. She didn't want to be alone, especially today. Valentine's Day, a day to celebrate love, and yet the guy she loved shacked up with someone she thought was a friend. Ukyou sighed. She didn't have to be alone right now. She could eat lunch with Ranma but he was with Akane and she had no desire to see her. She knew she could be eating with any number of guys at the moment, and while it did feels nice getting attention from them, there wasn't even a guy she liked enough to give chocolate to. At least those guys weren't as bad as those chasing Shampoo. Ukyou stabbed her lunch.
"Aloha, wahine. You know being out of dress code is kapu," principal Kuno grinned.
"I'm wearing a school uniform," Ukyou shot back.
"Yeah, but my little wahine, you wearin' a guy's uniform. You're a girl and should be dressed like all da other wahine's." Principal Kuno pulled out something that looked like a girl's Furinkan dress uniform, but it had a gaudy Hawaiian pattern. "You must put dis on, or da big kahuna can't let you back to class."
Ukyou looked at him like he was insane. "Are you completely color blind? That isn't a school uniform."
"Oh, but it is an acceptable school uniform!" Principal Kuno insisted.
"Not to me. Go annoy someone else," Ukyou said angrily.
"You must follow the rules, wahine," the principal insisted.
"The school rules, not yours." Ukyou, fed up with his nonsense, whacked him with her combat spatula. Moments later a splash was heard from the other side of the school. "Damn, he fell in the pool."
-----------------------------
Gosunkugi stared at a note attached to a now empty box that had held chocolate. He wished he had enough sense to keep it away from a certain child-like teacher. At least Ms. Hinako hadn't eaten the note.
He sighed while looking at the note. Well, actually it was a love letter. A love letter to him from a beautiful and rich woman. Stuff like this doesn't happen to geeks like him. Yet, here he was sitting under a tree reading a poetic note of Kodachi's love for his bravery.
Bravery, HA! He was the biggest coward he knew. Just because he was too stupid to run from the ancient lech while trying to help Kodachi, she thought he was braver than her great ex-love, Ranma.
Gosunkugi laughed at that. Who could believe ANYONE would ever say he was braver than the thief who stole Akane's heart, let alone a girl that had loved Ranma? He couldn't, but that's what Kodachi wrote in the letter.
Gosunkugi looked at the postscript for the hundredth time.
"I hope it's not too forward of me, but I desire to see you
again. If you would like, you may visit me at my mansion after
school today, say around four?"
A date. A second date at that. He couldn't believe his luck, but wasn't going to turn it away either. Who knew where this could lead.
-----------------------------
"Man, I'm glad to be out of there," Ranma moaned as he walked home with his wife..
"Oh? I thought you liked taking pot shots at substitute teachers," Akane replied bitterly.
"Come on, Akane, he was going to stop you from goin' to the bathroom," Ranma retorted.
Akane glared at her husband. "So what? You don't try to take a teacher's head off for doing his job." She stopped just as they arrived at Dr. Tofu's clinic. "I need to check something. I'll see you later."
Ranma shrugged. "Don't be late for dinner." With that he rushed off.
Akane glared at his retreating form, knowing his eagerness for diner was because his mother was cooking. She turned and entered the clinic, and announced herself at the door. She blinked when Dr. Tofu enter the room, glasses fogged. "A-A-Akane, what are you doing here of all places?"
"Um, is Kasumi here?" the young Saotome asked.
"K-K-k..." Dr. Tofu had the look of pure bliss on his face and passed out.
Akane didn't know what to make of it. She first picked up the doctor and deposited him on one of the examination tables. She then looked around a little bit and saw an opened journal. Concerned for the doctor, she looked at the journal. 'Potion of Friendliness,]'it read at the top of the page.
Akane shook her head. Kasumi had mentioned that potion Cologne gave him had worn off. If he drank a friendliness potion, he would love everyone. If he saw Kasumi in this state, he would... who knew what would happen, but she was sure it wouldn't be good. She sat down, and tried to think about what to do once the doctor woke up.
-----------------------------
Ranma continued to walk home with his usual troubled thoughts, Akane and their unborn child. He became sidetracked when he noticed the street in front of him was littered with unconscious guys. He walked over to a tree to talk to the only conscious guy of the lot. "Hey, Daisuke, having fun?"
"Yes. Loads of fun. Can you get me down?" Daisuke pleaded, hanging upside down from the tree.
Ranma didn't move to help. "What exactly happened here?"
"We tried to defeat Shampoo. She won," Daisuke bemoaned.
"You tried to defeat her?" Ranma asked, shaking his head.
Daisuke laughed sheepishly. "Well, this trap was meant for her."
Ranma chuckled dryly, and then jumped straight up and broke the rope, causing the boy to fall on his head. "Do yourself a favor, and forget about trying to beat her. Even if by a miracle you win, do you think you can live like a housewife, 'cause that's what you'll be."
Daisuke rubbed his head. "So that's why you didn't choose her."
Ranma shook his head. "No, that was just one of a long list of reasons. I'll see ya later."
"See ya," Daisuke replied, finding it hard to stand after hanging upside down for several minutes.
Ranma walked off and soon arrived at home. He noticed Akari standing out front with a lost expression on her face talking to his mother. "Hi, Mom, Akari. What's up?"
"Hello, Ranma," Nodoka greeted him warmly.
Akari smiled weakly at him. "Hi, Ranma. Um, Ryoga and I were out for a walk and... but... I sort of lost him. Since we were close by, I thought he might have come here."
Ranma chuckled. "Aw, you know Ryoga, he'll turn up in a couple days."
"I know," she said meekly.
"If any of us see him, one of us will bring him right back home," Nodoka said.
"Thank you." Akari looked a bit relieved.
"Ranma, where's Akane?" Nodoka asked.
"She had to see Dr. Tofu about somethin'," Ranma answered.
"Okay. Akari, would you like to stay for a while?" Nodoka offered.
"No. I should get back home soon or Katsunishiki might come looking for me," Akari replied.
"Why don't you walk her home then?" Nodoka asked her son.
Ranma shrugged. "I guess."
"There's no need. Really," Akari protested.
"A young girl, like you, shouldn't walk by herself," Nodoka insisted.
"Okay, thanks," Akari reluctantly agreed.
Ranma walked Akari to Ryoga's house, making idle small talk along the way. He noticed a sumo wrestler that was watching him and briefly wondered if he'd have to fight him soon, but his thoughts turned to thinking about what his mother was cooking for dinner.
-----------------------------
Dr. Tofu woke up with a smile on his face. To him the world was filled with love and happiness. All was right with the world.
"Oh, Dr. Tofu, you're awake," he heard the cute Saotome Akane say with a hint of disappointment.
"A-Akane, what are you..." Dr. Tofu began to say.
"Now Dr. Tofu, what was with taking that friendliness potion?" Akane questioned harshly.
Dr. Tofu cringed at her tone. "B-but Cologne's potion. It..."
"It had worn off already. Didn't you notice that?" Akane told him.
"I almost s-slapped..." Dr. Tofu's world was suddenly filled with pain. He started to cry.
Akane sighed. "I know that. But when, ah, my sister came to see you after that, you weren't under the effects anymore."
"I wasn't?" the doctor questioned.
"Right. The potion had worn off. I'll take your notes on your potion to Cologne, to see if she can help with it." Akane leveled her gaze at the doctor. "I suggest you stay here, and not try to fix this."
"O-okay," Dr. Tofu answered her.
"Now do you have any appointments?" Akane asked.
"Well, there's Mizu-san, who has a check-up on Friday for her wrist. Otherwise, no," Dr. Tofu informed.
"Good. I suggest you don't take any patients until this wears off." Akane grabbed Dr. Tofu's notes and turned to leave. "I'll stop by later."
"Um, Akane, was their some reason you came here in the first place?" Dr. Tofu asked.
"Oh, um, I've started experiencing morning sickness. You said it shouldn't start until I'm about six weeks pregnant, so I was worried...." Akane's voice became rather nervous.
"Well, it isn't that unusual to start in the fifth week, but it could be a sign of a problem," Dr. Tofu said in a serious tone. He went over to his files and pulled out Akane's rather sizable one. He looked it over for a couple minutes, not finding anything in the previous test that could be the cause.
Akane watched him nervously, and praying no one walks in while he held her medical file.
Dr. Tofu tried to think about possible causes. "Now, Akane, how have you been eating lately?"
"Fine. I guess," Akane replied uncertainly.
Dr. Tofu frowned, not wanting to ask the question, but he had to for her sake. "Have you been doing most of the cooking?"
"Yes," Akane replied, wanting to know why he asked that.
"Well, right now your stomach is very delicate. The smell of dairy products and fish will likely cause you to become nauseous." Dr. Tofu closed his eyes, and took a long breath. He really wished he didn't have to do this, but it was for his patient's best physical health. "Also, has your cooking improved to the point you're as good as K-K-K...."
"No," Akane interrupted him.
Dr. Tofu regained his composure. "Ahem, while I'm sure your cooking is fine, maybe it'd be better if you let her cook."
"Why shouldn't I cook for my family?" Akane asked a bit upset.
"Now Akane, you must realize that when you eat, your not just feeding yourself now. You are also feeding your child," Dr. Tofu pointed out.
"I know that. So what's the point?" Akane demanded.
"Don't you want to give your child the best food possible?" Dr. Tofu pressed.
Akane nodded. "Yes."
"So shouldn't the better cook prepare the food for you? It would also limit your exposure to certain smells that would make you sick," Dr. Tofu reluctantly told her.
"But Dr. Tofu, if I don't learn how to cook now, when will I ever be good enough for my children?" Akane questioned.
"Akane... you can still cook some foods, but you and the baby would be better if someone else cooked most of your meals," Dr. Tofu suggested.
"Thank you, Dr. Tofu. I-I'll follow your advice." Akane walked out of the clinic, trying to fight her tears.
Dr. Tofu watched her leave, and set down her medical file. He then collapsed to his knees and started to cry at hurting such a beautiful and lovely young woman.
-----------------------------
Gosunkugi ran. He ran from the Kuno mansion like his life depended on it. He couldn't stand another moment of hearing Kuno spouting poetry to Nabiki- who he noticed was wearing earplugs, Kodachi's laugh, her aristocratic attitude, her pet alligator, her pet man-eating plant that kept calling him Seamore, nor her attempts to get him to 'seduce' her; so he gave a lame excuse about having to be home for dinner and bolted.
Gosunkugi chuckled a little as he dashed down the street. His cowardice proved one thing, Ranma had been as much a coward as he was in dealing with Kodachi since they came up with the same response to her: run away.
When Gosunkugi made it home, he let out a long sigh all the while he was gasping breath. He knew if anyone found out he ran out on a date Kodachi they'd think he was gay or something. He wasn't, he was scared. Her presence was too commanding, too overbearing. He could hardly breath or think around her, and it wasn't because he was attracted to her. He was, what guy couldn't want a girl with that kind of body? But her personality extinguished his like a blazing inferno snuffing out smaller fires by taking away their fuel.
Gosunkugi gulped, realizing something. Kodachi wasn't through with him yet. Unless he did something, she'd chase after him like she did Ranma. Problem is, if he did find a way of getting rid of her, she'd beat the crap out of him first. "What am I going to do?"
-----------------------------
Kasumi hummed as she cleaned the stairs. It amazed her how she was able to clean the house when she was the only one really taking care of the chores after Ranma arrived. Now with Nodoka and Akane helping keep the house clean and cook, she still found chores to do. She wondered how she ever kept up, especially when she had to do so many wall repairs.
Akane returned home, and called sadly, "I'm home."
"Welcome back, Akane. Is something the matter?" Kasumi asked, noticing a couple tears on Akane's face.
Akane looked at the floor. "I'm not a good enough cook for my child."
"Why do you say that? You're food is perfectly fine," Kasumi said reassuringly, even though her little sister's food left a lot to be desired.
"It may be 'fine,' but it isn't great. If someone should cook for me and my child, it should be you or Auntie Saotome. I'm just not good enough yet." Akane walked around her eldest sister on her way to her room. "Oh, don't go to Dr. Tofu's for a while. He took a potion that did the opposite of Cologne's."
Kasumi gasped. "But Cologne's potion already wore off."
Akane sighed. "I know. A long time ago I hoped he would've reacted to me as he did today. Fortunately for Ranma, he didn't."
-----------------------------
It was now late into the evening and a man leaned against a large metal tower. He hated his curses, and recently wondered which one was worse. Right now he'd say his direction sense. Thoroughly disgusted with himself by getting lost while walking with Akari, Ryoga shouted, "WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?!" He then walked off.
A blond-haired girl wearing a green dress called to her friend, "Come on, Hikaru. We don't have much time left."
A red-haired girl tore her gaze from the cute but strange guy and replied, "Coming."
The two girls, along with a blue-haired girl entered an elevator of the large metal tower.
-----------------------------
Ranma looked up from his geometry homework. "Akane?"
Akane looked at her husband and noticed the pleading look in his eyes. She sighed knowing it wasn't because he needed any help with the assignment, he was actually doing better than her in that class. She realized what he wanted and wondered briefly about why she hadn't done this sooner today, but he'd been pretty insensitive. She reached into her book-bag and handed the package she had hid inside it to him. "Here."
Ranma blinked at the slightly mangled package. "Thanks."
"What? Wanted more chocolates?" Akane asked with a hurt tone.
Ranma shook his head. "Huh? No... it's Valentine's Day, isn't it?"
"What?!" Akane fell out of her seat. "How can't you know that?"
Ranma shrugged. "It's not important anymore. I mean, were married now."
"Oh... so what did you want?" Akane wondered.
Ranma scratched his head. "Um, I'm having trouble figuring out the area for part of a circle."
Akane massaged her temples. "I've spent the last five minutes trying to figure that out myself."
Ranma yawned. "Well, let's forget homework and go to bed."
Akane shut her textbook. "Best thing I've heard all day."
-----------------------------
Author's Notes:
Maison Ikkoku residents all have a number in their name relating to their room number. Godai has go in his name which means five. Kuno means nine abilities.
If you think the metal tower is the Eiffel Tower- you're seriously mistaken.
Volume 4 - One of Those Weeks
Chapter 1 - Mondays Are Hell!
By: Lord Archive
Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Shogakukan and are used without permission. All rights reserved.
This volume is a little different than the previous volumes. The volume is more of unrelated insanity. Also, one character from Maison Ikkoku makes a guest appearance in this volume, as well as a cameo appearance of characters from a Clamp series.
-----------------------------
Akane's Diary Entry:
February 13th, 1994.
Dear Diary,
Besides principal Kuno wanting us to 'endorse' his new uniform design with an ugly Hawaiian print by wearing them, the past week has been rather quiet. That worries me. No new martial artists, no real fights, no bizarre contests, nothing but one insane idiot we all try to ignore anyway. While I like the peace, I know it'll end. This is going to be a bad week. I know I'm being a little paranoid, but living with Ranma it's more of survival instinct. The fact Dad and Ranma's parents are staying for the week, Mousse is now using Happosai's room, and tomorrow is Valentine's Day helps support my bad week theory.
I'm showing signs of morning sickness a little sooner than Dr. Tofu expected. I can expect to start throwing up in the next couple days. Oh, joy. I'll have to see him soon to make sure it's not a sign of a complication with my pregnancy.
I've quit the volleyball team. I know I didn't really have to, but Dr. Tofu said I had to watch how much I exercise and that I'll start being a little weaker physically. That means I'll no longer be able to put all my effort into playing the game. If I can't put 110% into it, I might as well not even try it. Ranma is happy about the decision. I just hope he doesn't start to get even more protective of me, he's already starting to get on my nerves.
Ukyou is reopening her restaurant Friday, and she has Nabiki helping her attract customers for it. It promises to be a big party. I hope nothing spoils it, but I'm willing to bet Ukyou's will be closed Saturday for repairs. I'll try to not be the cause of it, but I can't promise it. Despite Ukyou saying she's forgiven me for marrying Ranma, I really doubt she has. She's been colder to me now than she was when Ranma and I faked being married last year.
-----------------------------
The young substitute teacher approached his new assignment, teaching at Furinkan High. It was nice to get out of the madhouse he called home. It was great being able to leave all that insanity behind and go someplace sane. He sighed. If it wasn't for the fact Kyoko lived there, he would have been long gone. He wished he could spend more time with her, but he did have to make a living.
Godai looked up at Furinkan High as it loomed before him when he heard, "You won't take Madeline from Azusa!" He crashed to the ground as a cute, pint sized roller-blader carrying a golden Buddha ran over him.
Godai tried to pry himself off the sidewalk when he was run over by another roller-blader. "Put that back!"
Godai groaned and wobbled as he made it to his feet looking at the two as they disappeared down the street. He was then run over by a bunch of Buddist monks screaming obscenities at the two roller-bladers.
He tried again to stand up, and promptly was run over by several police officers.
A chair landed on the prone teacher knocking him unconscious. "Get back here, you JERK!!" Akane yelled.
"I said I'm sorry already!" Ranma yelled back, dodging a brick that Akane had thrown, his feet briefly running over something oddly soft that was laying on the sidewalk.
Akane seethed. "Sorry isn't good enough! I spent all morning cooking breakfast, and you couldn't appreciate it!!"
"Hey! I only threw up because you did!" Ranma retorted.
"Stupid jerk! That was morning sickness!" Akane growled, throwing her book-bag, which Ranma failed to dodge. She didn't notice the guy she stomped over as she went to pick up her book-bag off her dazed husband. "Come on, let's get to class."
Ranma shook his head and followed, muttering, "Uncute."
"Who's the speed bump?" Daisuke asked.
"Probably a substitute," Hiroshi replied.
"How long do you think he'll last?" Daisuke wondered.
Hiroshi examined the comatose teacher. "Hmm... Still breathing. I give him until Friday."
"You're being generous, Thursday," Daisuke countered.
"Brownie points?" Hiroshi asked.
"Can't hurt." Daisuke shrugged.
Hiroshi and Daisuke picked up Godai and took him to the nurses' station.
-----------------------------
Godai limped into what was suppose to be the principal's office, but seemed more like... Hawaii?
"Aloha! You must be Godai, the substitute teacher, yeah?" Principal Kuno questioned.
"Ah, yes," Godai answered, staring dumbly at the man with a palm tree growing out of his head.
"Now, keiki, you must be ready to face some baaad students. One in particular is a really bad coconut. Keep your eye on Saotome Ranma, and any punishment you want to place on him is okay with me." The Hawaiian reject grinned and handed the young sensei his teaching assignment. "You better hurry to class. You don't want to be late."
Godai nodded and left. He thought he would d never meet anyone more insane than his neighbors. He looked at the office sign and read the principal's name. He would have to make sure Kyoko never rents room nine to him.
-----------------------------
"Here comes a sucker just waiting to be robbed," a masked man commented.
"I don't think we should rob him," another man replied.
"Why not?" the first wondered.
"Well, every time we try to rob him, someone interferes and we get our asses kicked," the second pointed out.
"You're just being paranoid," a third masked man commented.
"We've tried to rob him twelve times, and NONE of them succeeded and you're telling me I'm being paranoid!" the second retorted.
"Shut up. The chances of against him being protected today are way too high. He's a sitting duck," the fourth masked man said firmly.
"You all owe money to Nabiki, don't you?" the second masked man asked.
The other three replied with a nod. Then the four of them committed to the attack, and pulled their target into the alleyway.
"Oh, no. Not again," Gosunkugi moaned while he was being dragged.
"All right, voodoo-boy, hand over all your money," the first masked man demanded.
"Or we'll have to hurt you," added the fourth.
"I can't give you my money. Nabiki will have my hide if I don't pay her today," Gosunkugi pleaded.
"We don't care," commented the third masked man.
"How dare you threaten that wonderful, brave, little man?" a voice asked behind the attackers.
They turned and looked at the leotard clad Black Rose holding her ribbon and poised for attack.
All four gloomily cursed their life.
"You must be punished." Kodachi attacked, and her targets ran like their lives depended on it.
Gosunkugi stared in shock at Kodachi.
"Miserable vermin." She sighed. "Oh, my dear Gos-chan, are you all right?"
Gosunkugi could not believe what just happened, so he fainted.
"Oh, dear. If I see that trash again, I must hurt them severely. Now I have to get him some help." Kodachi picked up Gosunkugi and took him to Furinkan High's nurses' station. She was a little surprised that Kuno wasn't there. She stayed with him for a couple minutes, but she had her own school to go to. With a sigh, Kodachi placed a package of chocolates on his chest and left.
-----------------------------
The young sensei began class. He got the normal range of responses. Most of them had a glazed look. A few actually looked interested. One girl looked like she might be developing a crush on him and he prayed she wouldn't be like that last girl. The class began to drone on only to be punctuated by an occasional fart or belch. The source seemed to be a girl with raven hair, but no girl could be that rude.
Akane sat in the class with a glazed look and a slight blush. She couldn't stop herself from emitting gas from one exit or the other. Ten minutes before class would end she shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She had to go the bathroom. She stared at what seemed to her to be a broken clock wanting desperately for the class to finish. Fifty seconds later, she couldn't take it any longer- she had to go NOW. Akane dashed out the classroom door.
Godai blinked in surprise at the girl running out of his class. She was that rude. "Miss, where do you think...."
~~~fitz>CRACK<*
Godai stood agape as an... energy beam(?) barely missed him. The girl leaving the class turned and glared at someone, but he couldn't tell who, he was trying to understand how part of the chalkboard just exploded. The young sensei didn't know how to answer his own questions, so he decided to go with the old stand-by method of dealing with something that didn't seem sane- ignore it. After a minute, Godai regained his thoughts and resumed class.
-----------------------------
Ukyou sat under a tree, eating lunch alone. She didn't want to be alone, especially today. Valentine's Day, a day to celebrate love, and yet the guy she loved shacked up with someone she thought was a friend. Ukyou sighed. She didn't have to be alone right now. She could eat lunch with Ranma but he was with Akane and she had no desire to see her. She knew she could be eating with any number of guys at the moment, and while it did feels nice getting attention from them, there wasn't even a guy she liked enough to give chocolate to. At least those guys weren't as bad as those chasing Shampoo. Ukyou stabbed her lunch.
"Aloha, wahine. You know being out of dress code is kapu," principal Kuno grinned.
"I'm wearing a school uniform," Ukyou shot back.
"Yeah, but my little wahine, you wearin' a guy's uniform. You're a girl and should be dressed like all da other wahine's." Principal Kuno pulled out something that looked like a girl's Furinkan dress uniform, but it had a gaudy Hawaiian pattern. "You must put dis on, or da big kahuna can't let you back to class."
Ukyou looked at him like he was insane. "Are you completely color blind? That isn't a school uniform."
"Oh, but it is an acceptable school uniform!" Principal Kuno insisted.
"Not to me. Go annoy someone else," Ukyou said angrily.
"You must follow the rules, wahine," the principal insisted.
"The school rules, not yours." Ukyou, fed up with his nonsense, whacked him with her combat spatula. Moments later a splash was heard from the other side of the school. "Damn, he fell in the pool."
-----------------------------
Gosunkugi stared at a note attached to a now empty box that had held chocolate. He wished he had enough sense to keep it away from a certain child-like teacher. At least Ms. Hinako hadn't eaten the note.
He sighed while looking at the note. Well, actually it was a love letter. A love letter to him from a beautiful and rich woman. Stuff like this doesn't happen to geeks like him. Yet, here he was sitting under a tree reading a poetic note of Kodachi's love for his bravery.
Bravery, HA! He was the biggest coward he knew. Just because he was too stupid to run from the ancient lech while trying to help Kodachi, she thought he was braver than her great ex-love, Ranma.
Gosunkugi laughed at that. Who could believe ANYONE would ever say he was braver than the thief who stole Akane's heart, let alone a girl that had loved Ranma? He couldn't, but that's what Kodachi wrote in the letter.
Gosunkugi looked at the postscript for the hundredth time.
"I hope it's not too forward of me, but I desire to see you
again. If you would like, you may visit me at my mansion after
school today, say around four?"
A date. A second date at that. He couldn't believe his luck, but wasn't going to turn it away either. Who knew where this could lead.
-----------------------------
"Man, I'm glad to be out of there," Ranma moaned as he walked home with his wife..
"Oh? I thought you liked taking pot shots at substitute teachers," Akane replied bitterly.
"Come on, Akane, he was going to stop you from goin' to the bathroom," Ranma retorted.
Akane glared at her husband. "So what? You don't try to take a teacher's head off for doing his job." She stopped just as they arrived at Dr. Tofu's clinic. "I need to check something. I'll see you later."
Ranma shrugged. "Don't be late for dinner." With that he rushed off.
Akane glared at his retreating form, knowing his eagerness for diner was because his mother was cooking. She turned and entered the clinic, and announced herself at the door. She blinked when Dr. Tofu enter the room, glasses fogged. "A-A-Akane, what are you doing here of all places?"
"Um, is Kasumi here?" the young Saotome asked.
"K-K-k..." Dr. Tofu had the look of pure bliss on his face and passed out.
Akane didn't know what to make of it. She first picked up the doctor and deposited him on one of the examination tables. She then looked around a little bit and saw an opened journal. Concerned for the doctor, she looked at the journal. 'Potion of Friendliness,]'it read at the top of the page.
Akane shook her head. Kasumi had mentioned that potion Cologne gave him had worn off. If he drank a friendliness potion, he would love everyone. If he saw Kasumi in this state, he would... who knew what would happen, but she was sure it wouldn't be good. She sat down, and tried to think about what to do once the doctor woke up.
-----------------------------
Ranma continued to walk home with his usual troubled thoughts, Akane and their unborn child. He became sidetracked when he noticed the street in front of him was littered with unconscious guys. He walked over to a tree to talk to the only conscious guy of the lot. "Hey, Daisuke, having fun?"
"Yes. Loads of fun. Can you get me down?" Daisuke pleaded, hanging upside down from the tree.
Ranma didn't move to help. "What exactly happened here?"
"We tried to defeat Shampoo. She won," Daisuke bemoaned.
"You tried to defeat her?" Ranma asked, shaking his head.
Daisuke laughed sheepishly. "Well, this trap was meant for her."
Ranma chuckled dryly, and then jumped straight up and broke the rope, causing the boy to fall on his head. "Do yourself a favor, and forget about trying to beat her. Even if by a miracle you win, do you think you can live like a housewife, 'cause that's what you'll be."
Daisuke rubbed his head. "So that's why you didn't choose her."
Ranma shook his head. "No, that was just one of a long list of reasons. I'll see ya later."
"See ya," Daisuke replied, finding it hard to stand after hanging upside down for several minutes.
Ranma walked off and soon arrived at home. He noticed Akari standing out front with a lost expression on her face talking to his mother. "Hi, Mom, Akari. What's up?"
"Hello, Ranma," Nodoka greeted him warmly.
Akari smiled weakly at him. "Hi, Ranma. Um, Ryoga and I were out for a walk and... but... I sort of lost him. Since we were close by, I thought he might have come here."
Ranma chuckled. "Aw, you know Ryoga, he'll turn up in a couple days."
"I know," she said meekly.
"If any of us see him, one of us will bring him right back home," Nodoka said.
"Thank you." Akari looked a bit relieved.
"Ranma, where's Akane?" Nodoka asked.
"She had to see Dr. Tofu about somethin'," Ranma answered.
"Okay. Akari, would you like to stay for a while?" Nodoka offered.
"No. I should get back home soon or Katsunishiki might come looking for me," Akari replied.
"Why don't you walk her home then?" Nodoka asked her son.
Ranma shrugged. "I guess."
"There's no need. Really," Akari protested.
"A young girl, like you, shouldn't walk by herself," Nodoka insisted.
"Okay, thanks," Akari reluctantly agreed.
Ranma walked Akari to Ryoga's house, making idle small talk along the way. He noticed a sumo wrestler that was watching him and briefly wondered if he'd have to fight him soon, but his thoughts turned to thinking about what his mother was cooking for dinner.
-----------------------------
Dr. Tofu woke up with a smile on his face. To him the world was filled with love and happiness. All was right with the world.
"Oh, Dr. Tofu, you're awake," he heard the cute Saotome Akane say with a hint of disappointment.
"A-Akane, what are you..." Dr. Tofu began to say.
"Now Dr. Tofu, what was with taking that friendliness potion?" Akane questioned harshly.
Dr. Tofu cringed at her tone. "B-but Cologne's potion. It..."
"It had worn off already. Didn't you notice that?" Akane told him.
"I almost s-slapped..." Dr. Tofu's world was suddenly filled with pain. He started to cry.
Akane sighed. "I know that. But when, ah, my sister came to see you after that, you weren't under the effects anymore."
"I wasn't?" the doctor questioned.
"Right. The potion had worn off. I'll take your notes on your potion to Cologne, to see if she can help with it." Akane leveled her gaze at the doctor. "I suggest you stay here, and not try to fix this."
"O-okay," Dr. Tofu answered her.
"Now do you have any appointments?" Akane asked.
"Well, there's Mizu-san, who has a check-up on Friday for her wrist. Otherwise, no," Dr. Tofu informed.
"Good. I suggest you don't take any patients until this wears off." Akane grabbed Dr. Tofu's notes and turned to leave. "I'll stop by later."
"Um, Akane, was their some reason you came here in the first place?" Dr. Tofu asked.
"Oh, um, I've started experiencing morning sickness. You said it shouldn't start until I'm about six weeks pregnant, so I was worried...." Akane's voice became rather nervous.
"Well, it isn't that unusual to start in the fifth week, but it could be a sign of a problem," Dr. Tofu said in a serious tone. He went over to his files and pulled out Akane's rather sizable one. He looked it over for a couple minutes, not finding anything in the previous test that could be the cause.
Akane watched him nervously, and praying no one walks in while he held her medical file.
Dr. Tofu tried to think about possible causes. "Now, Akane, how have you been eating lately?"
"Fine. I guess," Akane replied uncertainly.
Dr. Tofu frowned, not wanting to ask the question, but he had to for her sake. "Have you been doing most of the cooking?"
"Yes," Akane replied, wanting to know why he asked that.
"Well, right now your stomach is very delicate. The smell of dairy products and fish will likely cause you to become nauseous." Dr. Tofu closed his eyes, and took a long breath. He really wished he didn't have to do this, but it was for his patient's best physical health. "Also, has your cooking improved to the point you're as good as K-K-K...."
"No," Akane interrupted him.
Dr. Tofu regained his composure. "Ahem, while I'm sure your cooking is fine, maybe it'd be better if you let her cook."
"Why shouldn't I cook for my family?" Akane asked a bit upset.
"Now Akane, you must realize that when you eat, your not just feeding yourself now. You are also feeding your child," Dr. Tofu pointed out.
"I know that. So what's the point?" Akane demanded.
"Don't you want to give your child the best food possible?" Dr. Tofu pressed.
Akane nodded. "Yes."
"So shouldn't the better cook prepare the food for you? It would also limit your exposure to certain smells that would make you sick," Dr. Tofu reluctantly told her.
"But Dr. Tofu, if I don't learn how to cook now, when will I ever be good enough for my children?" Akane questioned.
"Akane... you can still cook some foods, but you and the baby would be better if someone else cooked most of your meals," Dr. Tofu suggested.
"Thank you, Dr. Tofu. I-I'll follow your advice." Akane walked out of the clinic, trying to fight her tears.
Dr. Tofu watched her leave, and set down her medical file. He then collapsed to his knees and started to cry at hurting such a beautiful and lovely young woman.
-----------------------------
Gosunkugi ran. He ran from the Kuno mansion like his life depended on it. He couldn't stand another moment of hearing Kuno spouting poetry to Nabiki- who he noticed was wearing earplugs, Kodachi's laugh, her aristocratic attitude, her pet alligator, her pet man-eating plant that kept calling him Seamore, nor her attempts to get him to 'seduce' her; so he gave a lame excuse about having to be home for dinner and bolted.
Gosunkugi chuckled a little as he dashed down the street. His cowardice proved one thing, Ranma had been as much a coward as he was in dealing with Kodachi since they came up with the same response to her: run away.
When Gosunkugi made it home, he let out a long sigh all the while he was gasping breath. He knew if anyone found out he ran out on a date Kodachi they'd think he was gay or something. He wasn't, he was scared. Her presence was too commanding, too overbearing. He could hardly breath or think around her, and it wasn't because he was attracted to her. He was, what guy couldn't want a girl with that kind of body? But her personality extinguished his like a blazing inferno snuffing out smaller fires by taking away their fuel.
Gosunkugi gulped, realizing something. Kodachi wasn't through with him yet. Unless he did something, she'd chase after him like she did Ranma. Problem is, if he did find a way of getting rid of her, she'd beat the crap out of him first. "What am I going to do?"
-----------------------------
Kasumi hummed as she cleaned the stairs. It amazed her how she was able to clean the house when she was the only one really taking care of the chores after Ranma arrived. Now with Nodoka and Akane helping keep the house clean and cook, she still found chores to do. She wondered how she ever kept up, especially when she had to do so many wall repairs.
Akane returned home, and called sadly, "I'm home."
"Welcome back, Akane. Is something the matter?" Kasumi asked, noticing a couple tears on Akane's face.
Akane looked at the floor. "I'm not a good enough cook for my child."
"Why do you say that? You're food is perfectly fine," Kasumi said reassuringly, even though her little sister's food left a lot to be desired.
"It may be 'fine,' but it isn't great. If someone should cook for me and my child, it should be you or Auntie Saotome. I'm just not good enough yet." Akane walked around her eldest sister on her way to her room. "Oh, don't go to Dr. Tofu's for a while. He took a potion that did the opposite of Cologne's."
Kasumi gasped. "But Cologne's potion already wore off."
Akane sighed. "I know. A long time ago I hoped he would've reacted to me as he did today. Fortunately for Ranma, he didn't."
-----------------------------
It was now late into the evening and a man leaned against a large metal tower. He hated his curses, and recently wondered which one was worse. Right now he'd say his direction sense. Thoroughly disgusted with himself by getting lost while walking with Akari, Ryoga shouted, "WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?!" He then walked off.
A blond-haired girl wearing a green dress called to her friend, "Come on, Hikaru. We don't have much time left."
A red-haired girl tore her gaze from the cute but strange guy and replied, "Coming."
The two girls, along with a blue-haired girl entered an elevator of the large metal tower.
-----------------------------
Ranma looked up from his geometry homework. "Akane?"
Akane looked at her husband and noticed the pleading look in his eyes. She sighed knowing it wasn't because he needed any help with the assignment, he was actually doing better than her in that class. She realized what he wanted and wondered briefly about why she hadn't done this sooner today, but he'd been pretty insensitive. She reached into her book-bag and handed the package she had hid inside it to him. "Here."
Ranma blinked at the slightly mangled package. "Thanks."
"What? Wanted more chocolates?" Akane asked with a hurt tone.
Ranma shook his head. "Huh? No... it's Valentine's Day, isn't it?"
"What?!" Akane fell out of her seat. "How can't you know that?"
Ranma shrugged. "It's not important anymore. I mean, were married now."
"Oh... so what did you want?" Akane wondered.
Ranma scratched his head. "Um, I'm having trouble figuring out the area for part of a circle."
Akane massaged her temples. "I've spent the last five minutes trying to figure that out myself."
Ranma yawned. "Well, let's forget homework and go to bed."
Akane shut her textbook. "Best thing I've heard all day."
-----------------------------
Author's Notes:
Maison Ikkoku residents all have a number in their name relating to their room number. Godai has go in his name which means five. Kuno means nine abilities.
If you think the metal tower is the Eiffel Tower- you're seriously mistaken.