Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ In These Final Hours ❯ Here in the Dark ( Chapter 12 )

Disclaimer: I really, really don't own Kenshin. But, man, do I put him in some awkward situations;; Likewise, I do not claim rights to the song "Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. Not much of a country fan, but I love this song. Everyone shake hands with the catalyst that sparked the idea for this fic.

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Warning: This chapter is rated R for sexual content.

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In These Final Hours: Here in the Dark

His breath slammed into her face in hot washes of wine-laced excitement. Her throat clenched against the urge to be nauseous and she planned her attack.

"Ekubo, I'm very serious. Let me go." She kept up the pretense of talking him around his lust. Every moment she feigned passive resistance was another notch of his defenses knocked down by ego.

"Shut up." His hands moved from her arms to clutch at the skirt of her dress.

That was all the opening she needed.

Her knee slammed up at the same time she stepped into him. Her weight and the unbalance of his distress dropped him to the floor with a satisfying thud. Kaoru skipped a prudent distance away and steadied herself into a defensive stance. Her attacker groaned and folded in on himself.

She eyed him critically and relaxed. He wasn't moving anytime soon. A small sigh escaped her. She hated anticlimax. Still, she kept a wary eye on him as she moved backward toward the door and didn't turn her back as she slipped from the room.

The light of the hallway squinted her eyes and she pursed her lips. She should return to the ballroom. It would offer her the cover to keep him from trying anything again. And once she found Kenshin, the little escort wouldn't dare to touch her. "Kaoru." The suddenness of the prince's voice sent thrills of shock up her back faster than Ekubo's advances.

"Kenshin!" she shrieked and a hand flew to her heart, "Mou, don't do that to me!" She whirled on him and stuck a disapproving finger in his face.

He regarded the reprimand with a blink before his gaze hardened again.

"What happened?" His eyes flicked over her and he relaxed marginally when he realized she didn't have any visible injuries.

Kaoru sighed and moved away from the door to lean against the wall. Now that she wasn't in immediate danger, the aftereffects of Enishi's gaze were returning. Her head felt muddled and thick with his words.

"I took care of it. The princess was trying to get me out of the way." She leaned her head in the direction of the room.

Kenshin's eyes narrowed. "Your escort?" he guessed.

She nodded dully and pushed away from the wall. "Let's go find the others. I need to ask Soujiro to take a look at me."

"Did he dishonor you?" His voice dropped in tenor and warmth. She shivered despite herself.

"No," she reassured him and curled around one of his arms. The evening was catching up to her and right now she just wanted a hug. And while she couldn't ask the prince for one, this would do until she could find her "brothers." Sometimes it was hard to remember which role each young man filled - kin, friend, or both.

"What happened with Enishi?" He squeezed his free hand around her wrist.

She shook her head numbly. She was tired, and the dualities in her life were suddenly hard to keep straight.

"I'm not sure. I think he might have used some magic on me, but I can't tell. He did a good job of rattling my nerves, though, whatever he did."

He tensed in her grip and shook his head. "This is going too far."

Kaoru couldn't disagree.

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Soujiro stepped back from her and removed his hands from her temples.

"He's good," the young boy stepped back from the couch with a frown. "I can feel the traces of a spell, but not enough to be sure what it was. It doesn't help that all the other magic in the air is muddling the spell. But from what you've told us, Kaoru, it sounds like a form of compulsion magic."

She let the warmth and softness of the couch envelope her and she nodded. That explained why she'd been so drawn into his crazy logic for a moment. She gritted her teeth and fought off the beginnings of a headache. Anger stirred in her at the knowledge. He'd been forcing her to believe his words.

"Sou, do you have anything for a headache?" she asked.

"I have some tea that would help," Megumi offered. Kaoru nodded weak thanks as the doctor moved across the room to her trunk. They had gathered in the girls' room to discuss the events of the evening so her supplies were within easy reach.

"I didn't know Enishi had magic." Sano lounged on the couch opposite of Kaoru, scowling.

The prince sat to her left. "I was aware, but I did not think he was this powerful. He has not used it in our previous confrontations."

Saitou shifted from his position leaning against the wall and approached their little ring. "A trump card. He's powerful if he's been keeping it hidden from me. I can usually smell strong magic under the best dampers."

"Then whatever he is planning now, he is not holding back," Kenshin observed darkly.

Megumi moved back to the group and handed Soujiro a mug full of water and herbs. He obligingly warmed it before pressing it into Kaoru's hands. She smiled at him gratefully and cradled the glass as she waited for the leaves to steep.

The doctor retreated to the other couch and settled a prudent distance from Sano's sprawled form. Kaoru hid a smile as the two carefully avoided looking at each other. They were worse than she was with Kenshin.

"So what now?" The smell of the tea was already perking her sluggish brain back into action. "We know he's planning something big and that it involves the help of at least the princess and probably the king. He's not holding back, so we can expect some magic." She took a thoughtful sip from her cup as she pieced together what they knew. "And we're leaving tomorrow, so the attack will probably come tonight. But we also have to be careful to not act suspicious since, besides Ekubo, there hasn't been any real indication that Nishimoto is trying something."

Megumi sighed, "And even Ekubo can be dismissed as an overzealous servant. He didn't actually say that the princess was the one who told him he could have you."

Saitou pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it with a flick of power. Magic permeated the air and somehow it made everyone less sensitive to the normal social reservations concerning the subject.

"Prince?" He drawled.

They turned expectant eyes on their leader. His face was smooth and blank, but there was a hard edge in his blue gaze.

"There will be new sleeping arrangements tonight," he said finally, "Sano, you will stay in this room with Megumi. Ms. Kaoru, you will stay with me." He stifled protests from both Kaoru and Megumi with a look. "Soujiro, Saitou, you will trade shifts watching the rooms and keeping an eye on the Guard. I don't think there is any danger facing them, so get some sleep while you are on that shift."

Kaoru's eyes widened as she picked up what he was trying to do. If the battle ended up being magic centered, they needed to keep their power as well as muscle evenly distributed.

"Can't we set up some wards or something?" Sano complained. He looked nervous at the thought of spending the night with the doctor. Kaoru couldn't blame him. He seemed to be treading on thin ice whenever it came to their relationship. He probably figured the situation would backfire on him somehow.

"We can't let them know we're suspicious," she reminded him with a touch of sympathy, "It would suggest we don't trust them, and that kind of an insult right after forming a treaty could lead to a war."

"They've led us into an impressive trap," Saitou muttered around his cigarette. He sounded almost admiring.

Kaoru made a face at him, but couldn't argue. They were boxed in by the rules of the Court.

"Mou, and you two wonder why I get so annoyed with nobles." She snapped at her brother and Sou.

Sano bristled. "Don't compare all of us with that psycho, missy."

Kenshin sighed next to her. "I must admit, he has the upper hand here. I would prefer an honest battle compared to this intrigue. It is tiring, that it is."

Soujiro rose to his feet. "Well, then let's all get to our posts. Good luck, everyone."

Kaoru winced. There was a gnawing feeling growing in her belly. For some reason she felt she'd need all the luck she could get.

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She considered her reflection in the mirror with curiosity. Amazing what a little powder and charcoal could do for the face. She almost didn't recognize herself in the soft beauty of the woman staring back at her.

"Mou," the word whooshed from her lips and she shook her head. Enough pretending.

She moved from the small vanity to the large tub that dominated the bathroom. A flick of her fingers had warm water rushing into the porcelain. Another flick dripped a dollop of jasmine oil into the mix to complete her bath.

Kaoru smiled to herself as she replaced the stopper to the little bottle and placed it on the vanity. She always carried some with her when she traveled. Another bit of home to carry with her wherever she went.

She winced at the sentiment of the thought as she slipped out of her dress and released her hair from its pins. Now she had another something, or someone, that represented the same thing to her.

And again the scary question that had been lurking at the edge of her mind since another fateful bath popped into her head. What if she stayed? By all rights, she should pack her bags once they returned to the palace and retreat to her cozy home in the countryside. She had no business remaining the escort when it meant lying to King and Court. And Kenshin. That one hurt most of all.

But then there was her brother to consider. He had insisted once already that her continued presence was needed. At least until Tomoe's visit to the palace was concluded. And the idiot rooster might decide she needed to stay even longer, in interest of future visits.

She scowled as she sank into the warm water of her bath and felt the silkiness of the oil slide over her skin. She was in a tough situation. Part of her was loathe to leave Kenshin's side for any reason. But another wondered how long she could continue the silent torture of playing the platonic escort.

"What am I going to do?" she wondered aloud. The drag of the sponge over her skin was thoughtful. On one hand she had loyalty to her duty. She frowned. Loyalty that was being stained more every day by deceit. And on the other hand she had her secret heartache. Another frown. Heartache that wouldn't lessen by distance, but that would probably twist into a different sort of pain. Having him near was better than nothing.

There was one solution that seemed to make sense, though.

"I could tell him who I really am." The words were hushed within the steam of the water. She could hear him moving around within the main room and he wasn't anywhere near the door to the bathroom. Still, the secret seemed so taboo that speaking it out loud was enough to condemn her.

Still, the truth had merit. Her lips twisted with the irony. If she told him who she was, there was a chance that they might let her stay regardless of her heritage. Her relationship with Tomoe was proof enough that she wasn't in danger of using her intimate position to woo the prince. And even if they sent her home, she would be able to visit the palace as much as she wanted without fear of exposing her former deception. As it stood, if she left without revealing herself, her chances of safely returning would be compromised. What business did a commoner have calling on the prince? Or attending a ball? There was a chance that they might forbid her from the palace upon discovering her deception, but the involvement of so many Guard members made that unlikely. And she knew Kenshin wouldn't be so unforgiving.

Yes, the truth seemed like the best course of action. Except that the idea of telling Kenshin to his face that she'd been lying to him all this time scared her witless. He was forgiving, yes, but what if he was so hurt by the betrayal that it ruined their friendship? There wasn't much point of visiting him if he wouldn't talk to her. Or if she had to see pain in his eyes every time he looked at her.

She shook her head forcefully and the cooling water of her bath splashed in protest. No use dwelling on the negatives. The only right thing to do was to tell him. He deserved the truth after all his kindness. And she would give it to him.

Just… not right now.

Maybe after they got home. Yeah, that sounded good.

Her cowardice firmly checked and acknowledged, she stood in the tub and reached for a towel. The high, tinkling sound of laughter drifted through the door and pricked her ears.

Kaoru's hand bunched in the cloth of the towel and her eyes narrowed. That sounded awfully a lot like the princess. And what business did she have in the prince's room at this time of night?

She scrambled into her normal training attire and pulled her hair into a hasty, damp ponytail. Then, with all the stealth Misao had managed to teach her over the years, she slipped from the bathroom into the bedroom to take stock of the situation.

Sharp blue eyes flitted over the room. They were sitting near the door, in the little ring of chairs that served as a lounge. The bathroom was at the back of the room, so Kenshin's back was to her, but she had a clear view of his visitor sitting in the chair opposite.

Princess Nisemono.

Kaoru's brow furrowed. What was she up to? Her gaze was drawn to the cart positioned between their chairs. Tea, apparently.

She skulked along the wall until she was close enough to pick up their murmured conversation. The room was big enough that even with the scones lining the wall and the low chandelier there were plenty of shadows left for her to maneuver in.

After ten minutes of listening to the princess chatter on aimlessly about how beautiful her country was and the generosity of her father, Kaoru's danger senses lulled. Perhaps all the chit had in mind was tea after all. Her eyes drifted to the teapot. They hadn't poured any for themselves yet, but a gentle line of steam still drifted from the spout. The room was permeated with the sweet smell. Her mouth pursed at the thought of magic. She'd had quite enough of the stuff for the evening.

At a particularly annoying giggle, she focused on the princess again. 'Coy' dripped from each lash-hooded glance and provocative pout of her glossed lips. Kaoru sighed. Just another noble lusting for power. Was this their big plan, then? Send the pretty princess in to woo the foreign prince when he was tired and, presumably, susceptible? The scent of the tea was itching something in the back of her mind.

The Ai flowers were still woven into her hair, Kaoru noted with a scowl. Honestly, Enishi had a sick sense of humor. She had no doubt that he knew exactly what the flowers represented, and the little tricks women would play with their powdered petals. She'd heard enough stories to shudder. And, damn, if that smell didn't seem familiar.

"Just a little pinch in his dinner or his drink and he's yours," the young waitress, swollen with pregnancy, had confided. Her hand had curled warmly over her belly.

"But why not just tell him you want a child?" Kaoru, in her naiveté had asked.

The waitress tsked as she set the tea on the table. "He was being stubborn, and he knows my cycles too well to make the mistake of getting too amorous in my fertile periods. That's why he needed a little persuasion." She'd winked broadly.

Kaoru had frowned with doubt. "But it's just a little aphrodisiac. Wouldn't he be able to control himself?"

The young woman had sat down in her booth then, leaning forward with a conspirator's prudence. "Well, don't tell him I told you this, but I went to the local witchy and had her give me a little spell to make sure he couldn't resist." She'd winced then. "I got the idea from some of the other girls. They say it's a sure way to get your boyfriend to finally settle down. But I just wanted to show my stupid husband that having a child is a gift." Her eyes had twinkled. "He's already beside himself with excitement, so I don't feel too bad for tricking him."

Kaoru fell out of the memory as pain gripped her belly. She hissed a little and clutched at her abdomen. How long had she been ignoring the growing ache?

She poked a clawed finger at Kaoru's stomach, "You'll feel it here, a feeling of dread,"

Her eyes widened in shock and she refocused her attention on the tea party.

The princess sipped from a cup and handed it to the prince with a smile. Kaoru almost relaxed at the customary show of goodwill. No danger of poison, then. But that smell…

"Shit!" she choked on her own words as Kenshin began to raise the cup to his own lips.

The scent of Ai blossoms. "But I went to the local witchy and had her give me a little spell to make sure he couldn't resist."

The memory of Enishi's eyes boring into her mind, making her find sense within his twisted logic filled her mind. She panicked. Why hadn't she been paying more attention? He'd practically been handing her all the clues on a silver platter.

The Ai flowers, suggested by himself.

The abundance of magic in the air to confuse their mages' senses.

His own blatant display of compulsion magic.

And her… the only one in the room besides the princess who knew what husband-trapping uses the combination of the flower and magic could be put to.

The only one who could recognize the danger in time to prevent it. To prevent the prince from being trapped into a marriage because he "forced himself" on the princess.

She stood with her back stuck to the wall and her hands clenched around her burning abdomen. Filled with dread. Not like the battle with Enishi at all. This was what the old lady had been talking about all along. And the tea cup was already at his lips.

"Everything," she whispered, stunned by the complexity, "Everything was tied together."

Her blunder was two-fold. First when she'd mistaken the arrow for the mark of the prophecy. She'd paid for her stupidity then. But now? When the prince was tipping the cup back and letting the liquid and the spell slide down his throat… Now she would pay for her stupidity a hundred times over. Because she'd been blinded by her own naiveté, she would pay in harsher ways than just a little wound to the shoulder.

Because she'd been too slow to realize what was going on, now all she could do to prevent the disaster was to put herself directly in the path of calamity. Again. Only this time she really would be saving him.

Kenshin swayed suddenly as the spell hit him and a groan rumbled from his throat. The princess, a smirk on her lips, leaned forward.

Kaoru was there. "My prince, are you alright?" She clenched his forearms and captured his hazy, purple gaze. She didn't even remember moving from the wall.

A flash of intense desire swept over his face as he looked at her and he shook his head, dazed. The heavy feeling in her stomach faded and relief flooded her. The spell had been triggered to her. He was out of danger.

And now her punishment began.

"Ka…Kaoru?" His words slurred and he caught his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me."

She shushed him. "Just a moment and I'll tell you." She stood and rounded on the princess. "You. Out!" Her voice whip-cracked with all the noble authority she could muster. The princess stared up at her in shock for a moment before blind fury twisted her pretty face.

"You," she sputtered, "You bitch! You ruined it!" and then confusion, "How did you know?"

Irony twisted her mouth into a smile. "Because I'm supposed to know."

She stalked past the tea tray and yanked the girl up by the arm. Nisemono yelped in protest, but she didn't pay her much attention. Her mind was too busy trying not to think about what she'd have to do once she got the girl taken care of.

She dragged the sputtering princess to the door and yanked it open, ready to chew Saitou out for not catching the spell that had rolled into the room right under his nose. She thrust the girl into the hall and looked for the smug Guard.

He wasn't there.

With a curse, she moved to the next room and pounded on the door. Sanosuke opened it a moment later with a scowl.

"What's all the racket about, missy?" He demanded. His gaze sharpened as he noticed the princess. "Trouble?"

"Yes. Where's Saitou?" Her voice was clipped. She wanted to shove another cup of that tea into the arrogant man's mouth and dump the princess in his arms. See how both parties enjoyed that little trick.

"There was trouble down with the Guards. Sou called him. He should get back any second now. Why, what happened?" He stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

Kaoru held back a string of very unlady-like curses. Just another twist in Enishi's plan.

"Another compulsion spell," she informed him, shoving the princess in his arms. "Laced with an aphrodisiac. I didn't realize what was going on in time to stop him from drinking the tea, but I managed to get the spell to trigger to me rather than this conniving-" she broke off with a strangled sigh.

Comprehension bloomed on her brother's face and was followed quickly by horror. "Oh, shit. Kaoru…"

"What's going on?" Saitou's voice pulled their attention to further down the hallway.

The princess decided to make herself known. "This girl is harassing me! She's making horrible accusations against me. I demand she be turned over to my father for punishment." She drew herself up haughtily.

Kaoru almost laughed. She was a poor judge of character if she thought her salvation lay within Saitou. True, he didn't trust Kaoru, but that didn't mean he would put the princess higher than her.

"Seta, report." He snapped as he drew close enough to avoid shouting.

"She brought the prince tea laced with an aphrodisiac and a compulsion spell triggered to fixate on the first female to touch him." Her shoulders slumped. "I wouldn't have known, but I've heard of girls in the village using the same sort of trick to trap young men into marriage." She nodded her head to the princess. "She's probably fertile right now."

Sanosuke shook his head. "What? That's stretching it a little, missy. We were supposed to be here about a week ago. A plan like that wouldn't have worked then."

Saitou tucked his hands in his pockets and eyed the pale Nisemono. "Unless the attack by Yukishiro had been planned to set us back." He smirked at the princess. "Your father was very adamant about getting us here by today. Apparently he has some important business that will require him to leave the country tomorrow. Or maybe he's just worried that it would take another month of waiting to get his daughter knocked up?"

Kaoru leaned against the wall and pressed the heel of her hand to her eyes. Oh how thick the web was.

"I thought it was funny that Enishi just left after Kaoru got hurt." Sanosuke admitted and then cursed.

Kaoru shook her head, dazed. Misao and Aoshi had been wrong. Enishi finding out about the prophecy hadn't negated it. His knowledge had been a vital part the whole time. And the old woman had tried to warn her, again and again.

Her message: Don't be an idiot. The dreams warning her that she wouldn't need a bokken to save him - no, that she wouldn't have to fight to save him. Everything made sense now. Every little twist had been leading up to this moment.

And she'd bungled it just as much as she had in the dream. And, just like then, Kenshin would accept her help with sorrow. Because he had no choice. And the pain ripping through her wasn't from an arrow. It was from the tearing of her own heart because…

"Saitou, can you break the compulsion?" She asked. Somehow she already knew the answer.

He shook his head. "He's stronger than your brother or me."

She took a deep breath. "Well. I should go back," she whispered with a shaky smile, "The prince is waiting."

"Seta-" Saitou warned.

"You know I don't want this. Whatever else you think of me, you know this isn't what I want." She snapped at him. Tears were standing in her eyes.

He stared at her a moment and gripped the princess by the arm. "I'll make sure she doesn't squeal so Yukishiro doesn't try anything else tonight. We'll let him think his plan worked."

"What?!" the princess sputtered as she was hauled further down the hallway. "What are you going to do with me?"

"Shut up," Saitou advised coolly.

She shut up.

Kaoru smirked at the noble, feeling absolutely no pity. Well, maybe a little. The poor girl would have to deal with Saitou for the rest of the evening and she didn't wish that on anyone.

Then again… the selfish twit was partly responsible for what was about to happen. Fear and anguish turned her stomach to lead.

"Hey, Kaoru."

She glanced at her brother and then away. For some reason it was hard to look him in the eye when they both knew what she was about to do.

"Don't worry about it, Sanosuke," she soothed. Her eyes were fixed on a point on the carpet. "I screwed up. And I'm a Guard member." Now it wasn't so hard to meet his gaze. "I won't let the prince down because of my mistake."

The look of shock on his face was almost comical. A rueful smile tweaked his lips and he shook his head.

"Well, I can't argue with that. But…" his chin drooped to his chest, "Shit, Kaoru, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I mean, I know how much you lo-" Her elbow jabbed his chest. "Um, that is… geez, sis, I'm just sorry." He wrapped her in a bear hug and she let herself lean against him for a moment, drawing from his strength.

"Sano," she whispered eventually, "I have to go. Will you make sure nobody comes in?"

She'd never seen him so serious. He almost looked like the adult his age suggested he was. "Yeah." He jerked his chin at the door. "Go on, Escort."

Pain laced her laughter. "Yes, Lord Kamiya."

She could feel his eyes on her as she walked away, but she couldn't bring herself to glance back.

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She slipped into the room and turned, sliding the lock into place and resting her forehead against the cool wood. Her heart beat staccato rhythms in her chest as she tried to find the courage to face the room and her prince. She was so absorbed that she didn't realize he was standing behind her until the warmth of his hand curled around her arm.

Surprise stiffened her back and she let out a squeak, but she didn't turn to face him. She couldn't just yet. How do you tell the man you're in love with that he'll have to betray his fiancé?

"Kaoru. What's going on." His voice was lower than usual and hoarse. A tiny shiver tickled the back of her neck at the sound.

"There was a spell in the tea. And… an aphrodisiac." She managed to keep her voice neutral and prided herself on the accomplishment. Now if she could do something about the near-panicked state of her mind, the night would be a success. Her head thudded against the door again at the irrational, and inappropriate, thought. How was she supposed to do this?

"Enishi," he growled, and then, "You can't stay here tonight. I don't think I can control myself."

The thoughtfulness was a balm to her frazzled nerves and she almost smiled. This was Kenshin, after all. And her prince was nothing if not a gentleman. Her reluctance would only make things more difficult. This mess was her fault, and she wouldn't let him feel guilty for her mistakes.

"I know you can't," she soothed, forcing herself to face him, "But it's not that simple." Even with her new resolve, she couldn't bring her eyes any higher than the collar of his shirt. "I've heard of the trick before. The spell won't break until you've," embarrassed heat suffused her face. "Until you've-"

"I won't force myself on you," he growled, "I refuse."

A slightly hysterical giggle bubble in her throat and she smashed it down before it could break free. Who was he trying to fool? The pulse in his neck was jumping erratically and his tendons were standing on end. He was probably using all of his restraint to keep from just touching her. And even a blind man could see he wouldn't last much longer.

"You're not forcing me," she reassured, "I knew what I was doing when I jumped in front of you. If I hadn't been so slow, you wouldn't have had a chance to drink in the first place." Guilt tinged her voice, "I'm sorry."

He was trembling now. "I won't allow this to happen." The words cracked in his throat.

A flash of anger stirred in her at his words. Now he was just being stubborn. Even if he didn't realize she was in love with him, shouldn't he know how difficult this was for her, too? How much courage it took to keep the fear from her voice?

"Look, we have no choice! I'm not very excited about this either, you know. So can we please just get this over with? Because, no matter what you say, this has to happen." She made the mistake of looking at his face.

That amber gaze would burn a hole through her if she wasn't careful. Her breath stilled and then released in a strangled sigh. Entranced, she raised a hand to his face and brushed her fingers just under his eyes. The simple touch broke whatever he'd found to hold himself back, because he was curled around her in an instant and his mouth drowned her in unexpected pleasure. She melted against him instantly, their bodies molding to each other so naturally that she had to clutch her arms around his neck to keep herself upright.

He pulled away and her lips followed his for a moment before she caught herself. The movement seemed right to her and she was so fuzzy and warm from his nearness that it was hard for her to understand why he'd stopped.

His forehead pressed against hers and his mouth twisted into a snarl. "Forgive me."

The plea was like a bucket of cold water. She sputtered and ripped herself from his arms. A slap would have been more considerate, she thought, than the loathing twisting his features. She wanted to fold herself into a ball and hide in a corner. Of course it had been too much to hope that he might enjoy the embrace on more than a physical level. She'd let herself get caught up in the moment; let her one-sided love blind her.

Stupid.

"Well, you'll fall asleep almost immediately afterward, so we should get ready for be- to sleep, now." When he didn't make any comment, she moved to the end of the room to begin putting out the candles. Distance was good. It would give her a moment to recollect herself.

She focused on taking even breaths as she began snuffing out the first candles, but there was still a slight tremor to her hands.

Turn down the lights.

She kept her eyes firmly on her task, but as she moved down the wall she heard the rustle of sheets being pulled back.

Turn down the bed.

The candles in the chandelier were already burning low and she didn't dare call a servant to come put them out, so she left them. She puttered around the room for a few more minutes, straightening pillows in chairs and making sure the drapes to the window were properly drawn. Despite her resolution to face her punishment bravely, there was a gnawing ache in her heart. She'd always hoped her first time would be with a man she loved, but the irony had her close to tears.

"Kaoru." The almost pleading note in his voice and made her shoulders slump. She wasn't the only one in pain, she reminded herself. And he probably felt all the more guilty. Not only was he cheating on his fiancé, but his own body was betraying him, forcing him to need another woman. And her delaying the inevitable wasn't helping. She made herself to turn around.

He had shed everything but his linen briefs, even the thong holding back his ponytail. Muted candlelight caught strands of his hair and traced shadows across the planes of his chest and abdomen. Her mind dissolved into gibbering nonsense as her eyes dragged across his body in admiration. Her prince was beautiful.

Turn down these voices inside my head.

When she reached his eyes the heat in the amber gaze was too much for her to resist. She drifted across the room in a haze and stood before him. Coherent thought was quickly being lost to the thrum of her own desire. As she looked up at him, everything about her posture invited him. Her body wasn't going to let her deny what she'd been trying to keep hidden from him.

She uncurled a hand and held it out for him.

Lay down with me.

His eyes widened and he sucked in a startled breath through his nose.

"Kaoru, you know I will do the honorable thing once," he stammered as she turned her hand over and placed her fingertips on his chest, "once this is over."

Tell me no lies.

She wasn't surprised by the words. From the beginning she knew he was the type to do something stupid. But she wouldn't let him forsake his happiness.

"Shh. Let's just pretend that this is a dream. It'll fade away when we wake up." Following her own advice, she let the tension drain from her shoulders and relaxed. Yes, she could pretend. But she would keep her eyes from his. She didn't want him to see the true emotions urging her caresses. Let him think she was just going with the moment.

He huffed a sigh and his hands fisted at his sides. "But I don't want-"

Pain crinkled her downcast eyes. If he needed convincing, she would convince him. She closed the distance between them and lightly rested her forehead on his shoulder. Her other hand joined the first against his chest. "Please, Kenshin. If it's only a dream, it's okay to let yourself go. If you fight it, it'll only make this more awkward."

Just hold me close.

"But Kaoru, I really don't want-"

Her hands fisted against his skin. "Shut up. You're not making this easy for me."

Don't patronize… don't patronize me.

Why did he have to make this so hard? She already knew he didn't want this. That he didn't want her. He didn't have to keep saying it. All she was asking for were a few stolen moments where she could let herself love him. After that…

Silence stretched between them so long that she was afraid he would snap. Then, with a sudden whoosh of breath, he relaxed in defeat. His arms slid around her waist.

"You're right. I'm sorry." He found the curve of her ear with his lips and brushed a light kiss over it. "I promise I will not hurt you."

A tiny smile tugged her lips. "I know you won't."

With another little sigh, his hands brushed up over her back and trailed down her spine in a soothing caress. For a moment she panicked. Now she was the one fighting impulses. Her hands and lips were twitching in the impatience to seek out his skin and scent, but she worried that he might catch on to how she felt.

Long fingers traced her jaw and slid down her neck to brush along her collarbone. Her eyelids fluttered closed as her mind shut down to revel in the feel of his touch. Perhaps the best idea would be to respond naturally. As it was, she'd already turned her head to press her mouth against the arch between his shoulder and neck. If he asked her about it in the morning, she'd write the whole evening off with her "going with the moment" excuse.

The muscles of his chest bunched and shifted against the palms of her hands before she had to lift them so he could tug her tunic over her head. She shivered as the cool air of the room met the flush of her skin and gratefully let him mold her against the length of his body. Their mouths brushed shyly once before embracing in a fevered rush to know and feel every inch of each other. A bubble of pleasure rolled from her throat in a sigh. He took the sound as an invitation to tug the bindings around her chest loose and let them flutter around their feet.

Panic clenched her lungs as she fully realized what they were about to do. As her mind fumbled between alarm and desire, she was torn between wanting to hide herself against his chest and to step away so their skin wouldn't meet. With a squeak, she broke the contact of their lips and spun around, her arms folding to cover herself.

"Kaoru?" He sounded dazed.

Her breath was coming out in pants. Love was not enough to quench shyness. She'd never been touched, much less seen, by a man before. A voice in her head told her to relax, but that didn't wipe the blush from her face.

"I'm sorry. I've never… I don't know-"

"Forgive me," he murmured, "I will go slower."

She swallowed heavily and nodded. The words were comforting and sure even if they weren't doing much for her nerves.

His fingertips brushing up along the outsides of her arms made her stiffen and she stood frozen as he tugged the ribbon from her hair. The cool, damp touch against her hot skin made her shiver.

He swept it over her left shoulder and soothed the back of her neck with his fingers before closing over the skin with his mouth. The move was so tender that she couldn't help but relax again. Her arms fell limp at her sides as his lips and tongue danced down the line of her shoulder and his fingertips brushed patterns over her back.

Her thoughts blurred as the gentle sweep of his hands became familiar and welcome. After a minute, she felt comfortable enough to tip her head back to let his mouth continue up her neck. He followed her subtle indicators, and, as he tasted the underside of her jaw, his hands grew bolder. They feathered up her sides, along her ribs, over the outer curves of her breasts.

Kaoru hissed as his hands slid over her and pulled her back against his chest. Her arms slid up and she dug her hands into the softness of his hair, holding his mouth to her neck as he kneaded her flesh. A low rumble from his chest vibrated along her back and her mind turned to jelly.

He turned her in his arms and silenced her cry of protest with a demanding kiss. Shock coursed through her at the feel of skin against skin and she hooked her hands over the backs of his shoulders to keep herself standing. Any hesitance she had felt before was forgotten as the prowl of his hands and mouth over her body became more insistent.

A small shift of her hips sent waves of shocked warmth up her body as she felt how much he was holding back for her. He stilled at the touch and arched away. Hooded, amber eyes sought out her gaze and held it with a mixture of embarrassed apology and questioning.

She licked her lips with a nervous flick of her tongue and he broke eye contact to watch the movement hungrily. She huffed a laugh at the bald desire on his face and closed the distance between them with her mouth and the hook of her leg around his hip. He accepted the invitation with the slide of his hand up the outside of her thigh and rewarded her boldness by lifting her against him and tumbling them in a tangled mess onto the bed.

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Kenshin nuzzled her temple with a sleepy sigh and pressed a soft march of kisses across her cheek to her lips and a noise that sounded suspiciously like a purr curled from her throat. Her arms and legs were still so mixed up with his that she wasn't quite sure whose were whose. And the warmth of their still-joined hips was making her dizzy.

She was so wrapped up in afterglow that it wasn't until the steady stroke of his thumb against her jaw slowed to a stop and he began to slump more heavily against her that she remembered the reasons behind their coupling.

"Kaoru," he mumbled. She held back the sudden prick of tears in her eyes as he finally slid away from her. Silly of her to forget that they were only pretending and that, despite his ardent worship of her body only minutes before, he didn't have any romantic feelings for her. And that this single flurry of passion wouldn't change that.

Because I can't make you love me if you don't.

You can't make your heart feel something it won't.

He muttered her name again as he relaxed into sleep, still halfway lying on top of her. She stroked his hair absently as his breath puffed against her neck and tried to ignore the sudden crumpling of her heart as she realized the awe she'd felt as they'd briefly mingled as one person was one-sided. That the sense of completeness she felt with him in her arms was already a dying memory.

Here in the dark, in these final hours,

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power.

But you won't.

No, you won't.

Because I can't make you love me if you don't.

The spell had ended, she reminded herself. It was time to stop pretending.

With a thick swallow, she lifted the arm draped across her belly and tugged herself out from under the weight of his unconscious embrace. A fuzzy notion that she was sweaty and messy drove her from the bed. But in reality she just needed to put some distance between them so she could nurse her wounded heart.

The candles had burnt out so she picked her way carefully across the room and fumbled along the wall until she found the bathroom door. Her hands quested along the edge of the bath until she found the wash cloth. She dampened it in the long-cold water from her bath and briskly cleaned herself. When she finished she pulled the drain from the tub and wandered back out into the bedroom. Her skin smelled of jasmine again, she noticed as she wrapped her arms around herself.

She wanted it to smell like Kenshin.

Indecision left her stranded in the middle of the room. Common sense told her to dress and fix herself a cozy nest on one of the couches. Sleep would help numb the dull ache in her chest. But for some reason her feet were propelling her back to the huge bed with the sleeping prince. Even with her heart cracking under the weight of what they'd just shared, she couldn't tear herself away from him.

Her arms hung limply at her sides as she watched him breathe. Slivers of moonlight filtered through the material of the drapes and outlined the curve of his shoulder and hip. The darkness couldn't hide his form from her anymore. She'd memorized every line of muscle and the haphazard pattern of scars along his flesh. And the need to reaffirm those marks with her hands was suffocating her.

"He'll get cold like that," she reasoned with herself. She at least had to pull the covers up over him before she slunk off to her own corner of the room. Unfortunately he was sleeping in the exact center of the bed and the sheets and blankets were too heavy for her to angle them properly from the side. She'd have to get back in the bed.

"I shouldn't do this to myself," she muttered as she crawled over the mattress and knelt beside him. She'd dragged the covers up to his waist when she felt a warm weight drape over her thighs and around her hip. Startled, she looked down and found Kenshin's arm tugging her closer.

The sleepy demand was clear, but should she give into it? She jerkily shook her head and tried to move away. A frown marred his face and he tugged harder. He wasn't going to make this easy for her, even unconscious.

A lump choked her throat as she gave in and let him pull her down and spoon her against his chest. She would have been flustered if she thought he was actually seeing her in his dreams. No, she was just so desperate for his touch that she was willing to ignore the reality and take what warmth she could steal.

I'll close my eyes.

Then I won't see the love you don't feel when you're holding me.

Her head ducked to her chest as a few stray tears dampened her lashes. "Do you miss her, Kenshin?" Her voice sounded like gravel with the effort not to cry. "I'm sorry I made you betray her."

The pain in her chest spiked and she began to regret her decision. Maybe she would be better off with a couch. Besides, what would he think if he found her still here in the morning?

She tried to pull away from him, to retreat, but he only gripped her tighter and mumbled worriedly in his sleep. Her half-formed will dissolved and for a minute all she could do was concentrate on each breath as she tried to calm herself down. Eventually, she pulled up the covers over their shoulders and relaxed her head against the pillow. The only person she would hurt by staying the night was herself. Logic said that with her prince under the side effects of the Ai flower it wouldn't be a problem to wake before him and slip off to one of the couches.

And besides that… this was her last night with him. There was no question about what would happen now. She would pack up her bags and leave without a word. Her plans to tell him the truth crumbled in the face of this complication. Telling him she was a noble was out of the question now.

Morning will come, and I'll do what's right.

There would be no visits to the palace. She would hole herself up in her little home and never turn her face toward the palace again. Perhaps she could even persuade her father to find her a husband in a neighboring country. The farther away, the better. She knew if she didn't take drastic and permanent measures, the temptation to find him would be too great. Just as the temptation to stay cuddled in his arms was too much for her to resist. The price on her battered emotions was worth the false sense of comfort.

Just give me till then to give up this fight.

But this was the last indulgence. Tomorrow she would say goodbye. Her heart would shatter and bleed her to death from the inside, but she would do it. Because as the escort, she had to put the wellbeing of her prince above her own. And as Kaoru, she had to let Kenshin return to the arms of the one he loved. It was her duty.

And I will give up this fight.

If she'd paid more attention things might have gone differently. She might have been able to stay, even if it was only to watch his happiness from the sidelines.

Because I can't make you love me if you don't.

You can't make your heart feel something it won't.

Now she wouldn't even have that much of an honor. The only way to save even a little grace was to resign before Saitou kicked her out. She was too much of a risk to Kenshin's engagement for him to allow her to stay.

A small sob escaped her. "I'm sorry, Tomoe." Out of everything, she regretted breaking her promise to Tomoe the most. The other woman had placed the wellbeing of her fiancé in her hands and she'd made a spectacular mockery of that trust. And she had hoped to become friends with her, too.

She calmed herself after a while and stared blankly at the room. No use in crying over the death of half-formed dreams. She couldn't change what was.

Here in the dark,

Her eyes drooped as the stillness and the lull of Kenshin's breathing against her back coaxed her into sleep. She hung onto consciousness gamely. The sooner she fell asleep, the sooner she had to leave his side.

In these final hours,

And though she had no right to, she wanted to cherish the last few minutes she had with him. They were the final hours in which she could bathe in her love for him. Before she would have to tuck it away.

I will lay down my heart,

Turning away from the love of her life would be almost impossible, but it was necessary if she wanted to continue with any semblance of a happy life.

And I'll feel the power.

If she could close a door on this part of her life, she might be able to move forward. It would be painful at first, and she doubted she would be able to open herself to another man for many years, but eventually she would find the strength to move on.

And what about her prince? He would feel guilty about what had happened between them, of course, and that she had to leave, but he would be free to love Tomoe without the shadow of her eyes on his back.

But you won't. No, you won't.

He would live the rest of his life without a hitch of sadness.

And, oddly, that thought brought a wavering smile to her lips. There was a satisfaction in knowing she could deliver him this final gift. She would carry the scar of love for many years, but because of her sacrifice he would be free to be happy. She wouldn't trap him. Because she loved him, she could let him go.

Because I can't make you love me if you don't.

"Be happy," she whispered and fell to sleep.

A/N: Whoa… did anyone see that coming? Hopefully you were at least a little bit suspicious with some of the hints I've been tossing out in previous chapters ^_^ But yeah, quite a slap in the face. Please excuse my smut. I tried to keep it as mildly citrusy as possible. So what will happen now? Will Kaoru prevail? Will Kenshin get a clue? Will Tomoe be miffed that her brother is being a bastard? Just wait and find out…