Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Steps Of Courage ❯ Fall to Pieces ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply. Always.

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Chapter 8

Sano couldn't understand it. He felt like smacking himself for stupidity. He hated Naruku, for what she had done. He never wanted to see that witch again, with her deceptive ways. But gods, he couldn't think that when he saw her being attacked in the middle of the night. She was just so small and her demeanor brought out a protective side in Sanosuke.

"Er—Sano?" Naruku acknowledged cautiously. "It's um…me, you know."

Sano cringed and could feel the beads of sweat traveling down past his ear. "I know," he grunted sourly.

"You know this brute?" the man incapacitating Naruku spoke.

"Know him?" she repeated. "Of course I know him! That baka practically lived at the dojo!"

She pushed out of the man's arms.

"Sano, Enizu," she introduced them. "Enizu, Sano." The two men glared menacingly at each other. Naruku sighed inwardly and trotted toward Sano. Halfway there she was daunted and stopped. "Um…if I come near you, will you kill and or maim me?"

Sano cracked a grin. "I'm not certain at the current moment."

Naruku looked uneasy.

"I still sorta want to rip your guts out," he admitted.

She winced. "That sounds pleasant enough…"

"Eh, sorry Koneko-chan, I still haven't forgiven you," he confessed. He yelled inside the walls of his mind. She was winning him over again.

"Well don't," she told him bluntly, suffocating at her own words. "I don't mean to go back. Not…now."

Sano figured she thought he wouldn't notice the way her eyes flickered quickly over to the tall man behind her. So he didn't say anything.

"Damnit Koneko can't you just tell us why?" Sano questioned with frustration.

"I…no," she replied. "I'm afraid I can't."

"Kuso!" Sano cried, punching his own hand. "You're making it both really difficult and too easy to like you again. Listen, Kenshin's pretty shaken up about this whole thing. I think you owe it to him—"

"If I could do anything to make him happy, I would," she cut in. "D'you think all of Japan would help? I don't really think apologizing ten-thousand times will do it…"

"I doubt Japan would tide him over," Sano smirked. "How 'bout just going back to him? That should work fairly well. You do owe it to him to at least—"

"I owe it to Kenshin to leave and never come back," she interrupted harshly.

"Don't be like that!" Sano exclaimed. "Are you going to throw away nearly a month of friendship because he's done some bad shit in the past?" he advanced towards her.

Behind her, Enizu closed the space between them and put a protective arm around Naruku's shoulder, eyeing Sano warily.

"I…only want…" she began, unsure of her words. "Kenshin won't get hurt on account of me."

"Koneko please," Sano began, dropping the tough interrogation act on its head. "For Kenshin?"

"Baka," she chided. "I'm leaving for Kenshin."

"No you're not," he replied. "You're leaving because you're scared."

"Are you trying to get my ego in the way of my decision?" she answered icily. I am scared. I'm scared to death, but Sano can't know that. "It won't work."

"No," he agreed grimly. "I'm trying to get it out of the way."

Enizu was slowly edging away. "Naru-chan, do you think it's time we found an inn to stay at for the night? We can continue back to Sendai if you…" he stopped as he realized Naruku was not paying attention. This angered him slightly but he bit his tongue and held it in. The rooster-head didn't look too friendly.

"Look, whatever harm you don't want to be a part of, I can guarantee that Kenshin can fight them off."

"I…know," she answered, her eyes downcast. "But I won't take that chance."

"He really misses you, you know," Sano continued.

Shut up already! She wanted to scream. None of this is working and you know it. So let me be.

"About as much as you miss him, I'd say," he added.

Naruku gaped. "I—I…"

"And what about the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu? Are you just going to give up on that?" he demanded, his voice growing in pitch. "You're gonna be left all alone again…" he trailed off, his voice growing soft.

"Now wait a minute! I don't know who you are or what you have to do with my Naru-chan but I'll have you know she has me!" Enizu yelled, suddenly very defensive.

Sano turned to him and scoffed as Naruku shrank down, her expression screaming everything she tried not to show. She did not want to be there. She wanted to be back in the dojo. "I can see now, though. You're too weak to train under a sword style like that. And too stupid."

Naruku bowed her head and tried to keep tears from falling. You have no pride, Naru-chan, she told herself, but her mind's voice sounded unlike her own. You have no pride. Words like those can't convince you because you have no pride. Somehow the words only made the blow greater. Salty droplets formed in the corners of her eyes and topped over each other as they raced down her cheeks.

"Looks like you've made two people cry tonight," he told her, as if reading her thoughts.

She looked up in disbelief. "What do you mean?" her voice quavered like a six-year-old's.

Sano nodded deeply. "Yeah, Kenshin cried when you left."

"You liar," she spat. Now of all times she threw the title at him. The one time he was telling the truth and she knew it.

"You can ask him yourself," Sano replied. Naruku braced herself for the utterance of "Oh that's right—you're too scared to face him again." But Sano never said it.

"You know, that long samurai hair and cross-shaped scar really makes him look tough," Sano went on. "But you can see the care in his eyes."

Oh god. Naruku sank to her knees, trying to block out flying images of Kenshin. His face, his hands, his back as he hunched over the laundry. Tears glued her eyelashes into triangles as she bit her side of her hand to keep from crying out. She rocked back and forth on her toes, trying to keep everything bundled tight inside her.

"And pain, too," Sano added. "I think it'll be a while until the pain goes away in his eyes, after this," he told her. "But maybe it'll be easier falling if you see him a last time. Just to apologize or talk a little. You don't have to explain, and you don't have to stay. Everyone's happy and there's no commitment this time because Kenshin didn't save you."

She screamed but the sound was almost completely muffled by her hand. Even then in the confused and broken state of mind Naruku understood what was going on. "I'll…do that," she finally said. Quietly though, so quietly. But it was enough for both Sano and Naruku. She felt the impending doom back off, a darkness and numbness that left her. Maybe even diminished forever.

Damn you Sano… she thought, even as she was agreeing to his compromise. Because, in truth, it was no compromise.

Naruku woke up the next morning with limited memory. The first thing that came back to her was leaving the Kamiya dojo. The second, her plans to go back.

"God damnit!" she yelled, flinging her pillow across the room. It banged on the wall and landed…on Sano's head. He grumbled in his sleep and turned over.

Naruku's hands balled into fists and she clenched the thin blanket over her. How could you be so stupid? She kicked herself. How the hell did Sanosuke of all people manipulate me! Kami, he's way smarter than we give him credit for, she admitted to herself. It must be from hanging out with Megumi-san all the time. She was so angry with herself and Sano (though she knew that even without his persistent urging she would have wound up at the Kamiya dojo again anyway…so in truth, it was all her own fault.)

'Just lunch' my ass…she thought bitterly. Halfway through I'm going to be living there again…even if they don't forgive me I'll be begging on my knees. Goddamn this stupid Naruku-mentality! 'Keep what you love most…' why can't I be one of those people who say if you love something let it go? Damnit…

"Koneko, are you ready to go?" Sano's voice sang. She glanced around and saw that he was on the other side of the tiny long house, stepping around (though sometimes it seemed like on) Enizu who was still asleep.

"Yes," she muttered. "But don't call me that."

"What? Koneko?"

"Yes," she replied through gritted teeth.

"I thought we'd reached an understanding about that nickname," he teased lightly.

She pouted and turned away from him. "Well I realized that I can't be a kitten. I'm just a stupid little bird…"

"What?"

"Nevermind, let's just go," she grunted.

"Ooh, excited to see Kenshin again?" Sano laughed.

She ignored him and pushed open the door. It was bright outside, the sun almost directly overhead. This lifted Naruku's mood slightly, but it wasn't enough to keep her stomach from flipping over. She groaned. I sure hope Kaoru won't be cooking… It was then that she realized that the three residents of the dojo weren't expecting her arrival. She quickly turned around and made to go back to the long house.

"Oi, where do you think you're going?" Sano demanded, grabbing her arms and dragging her along. She frowned but didn't try to escape again.

As they reached the main path that led up to the dojo, Naruku felt like her surroundings had been muted. The flow of the lake and rustle of the trees fell on deaf ears, but the pounding of her heart was thundering. She sighed and covered her ears and began walking quickly with her head parallel to the ground.

"Hey, Koneko, wait up!" Sano dashed after her. He grabbed her shoulder but she shook him off.

"What did I say about calling me that?" she spat.

Sano sighed. "Come on, we're almost there. Naruku," he added as an afterthought.

She tried not to smile, and it became easier as they walked through the gate. The courtyard was empty. "Heheh…maybe they're at lunch, maybe we should come back after lunch so we don't intrude," she said hastily, making her way back through the gate. Sano grabbed her again and dragged her next to him.

"No way. I know the exact time you guys start lunch everyday," he told her, a whisper of pride in his voice.

Naruku couldn't help it; she burst out into laughter. "I should have guessed as much."

Kaoru came out of the dojo, her back to Sano and Naruku.

"Hey Kaoru let me out! I want to train!" a muffled voice yelled from inside.

"Nu-uh," Kaoru argued, holding the doors shut so Yahiko couldn't come through. "Not until you clean the drill hall!"

"Kaoru!" he complained. There was a thump sound and it was evident that Yahiko had tried to break through the door. "Aw, come on!"

Kaoru snickered to herself and turned, her hands still tight on the door. She stared in shock at Naruku…and even more so at Sano. She forgot about Yahiko and the door, however, so Yahiko soon came barreling through the shoji and into Kaoru. The two of them toppled over, though Kaoru landed on her hands and knees. "Baka deshi!" she scolded. "What did you do that for?"

He didn't answer, his eyes on Naruku and Sano. The former had her head bowed, unable to look Kaoru and Yahiko in the eye. Sano looked positively smug. "So, what's for lunch?" he asked casually as he strolled toward Kaoru.

"BAKA!" she yelled, hitting him with her bokken. "I think we need an explanation Sanosuke!"

"Oi," he rubbed the tender spot on his head.

"Please," Naruku spoke, falling to her knees and bowing. "I need to speak with Kenshin."

Kaoru marched over to her and yanked her up by one arm. "Of course you do. Come on," she led her to the front hallway and hollered for Kenshin. He popped out of the kitchen.

"Coming Kaoru-do…" his eyes fell on Naruku who shrank back. "…no."

Naruku was just glad that Enizu had stayed at the long house. Her cheeks were a very distinct shade of red. "Ano…" she glanced up, expecting to see Kenshin staring at her coldly. She almost wished she hadn't, because seeing him look at her in awe proved to be even worse when she found she couldn't avert her eyes from the violet depths of Kenshin's.

"Naruku-dono…" Kenshin breathed.

"I…c-can I have lunch with you guys?" she asked meekly.

Kaoru glanced at Kenshin.

"I thought you left," he blurted.

"Well I…did," she answered. She winced, knowing she'd never be able to leave a second time. I mean, I am leaving. I can't stay here anymore…But the words never made it to her lips.

"Why are you here?" Kenshin asked, sounding as desperate for the truth as Naruku had once thought she was.

"You can blame Sano for that," she said, pointing at the ex-fight merchant.

Kaoru raised an eyebrow pointedly. "Is that so?"

"Yeah well, the stupid koneko won me over," he admitted carelessly.

"Baka," Naruku cut in. "I call you by your name, now why can't you extend the same courtesy to me?"

"Hm," Kaoru tapped her chin, disregarding the small squabble between her two friends. "Kenshin's just finished making lunch. Would you like to join us?" As though Naruku hadn't asked her before. It was easier this way.

"Hai…arigatou." The five of them entered the dinning room.

By the time lunch was over, everything seemed nearly back to normal. Naruku felt accepted again. They didn't hate her, they assured her. They were proud of her for coming back. Or maybe just glad.

"Um Kenshin?" Naruku began softly. "Can I talk to you?"

Sano and Yahiko had already dispersed and Kaoru was whisking their plates away with a small smirk on her face.

"Hai Naruku-dono," Kenshin replied easily.

Naruku closed her eyes, trying to work up courage. You have to tell him…if you don't…She had dwelled on that the whole night. Come on Naruku, it's really easy. Are you going to be the stupid bird again? Are you?

She groped for the right words. They never came."Are you mad at me for leaving?" Damnit, damnit, damnit!

Kenshin seemed baffled by this question. He opened his mouth to speak a simple answer, but thought carefully and instead responded, "Would that I could, Naruku-dono."

She tilted her head, wondering what he was getting at.

"I find it difficult to be angry at...you," he continued, culling his words selectively so that all Naruku would hear was what he said.

"Well I didn't mean to freak like that. It's not that important. I can tell you're a very different person now. And well…I'm sorry if I hurt you," she said, calming her internal frenzy.

Kenshin allowed a small smile. "It's all right Naruku-dono. Really." He picked up the rice bowl and took it to the kitchen while Naruku sat there, kicking herself.

Why, why, why? She knew why. She didn't want to loose that sense of belonging again. She never wanted to. And if they knew…they'd kick her out. Well, maybe not in those words. But she'd end up leaving. I don't want to leave again! Never…again.

"So I guess you're staying here again?" Kenshin asked conversationally.

"I guess so," Naruku replied. "I want to stay here again."

"I'm glad," Kenshin put in, smiling. Naruku couldn't help but to mimic him and felt the corners of her mouth being lifted as well.