Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ To Reveal All ❯ Revealing Answer ( Chapter 4 )

To Reveal All

Chapter 4: Revealing Answer

By steelphoenix

 

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, or any of its characters.

Author's Notes: And so, to end the cliffhanger! Here comes Chapter 4! I'll just stick in the last bit of the last scene, to help you remember - just in case! ^_^

Please note: this chapter contains excessive amounts of what I call `meringue': fluffy and incredibly sweet! So, if you're not into that… just skip the chapter. No! Wait! You can't! Contains important plot points! /thinks/ Damn… now everyone's going to be disgusted at my excessive sweetness…

Thanks to my two reviewers: Empress_Koki and fudge. People, can you please leave a review after you've read this? It's really helpful, because otherwise I have no idea how this is being received.

Sorry for the lateness of the chapter: being a University student, I have these annoying things called exams. Therefore, I am studying madly, and only writing where it's necessary to help preserve my sanity.

Language Notes: `Kami-sama' is God (-sama is a suffix indicating extreme repect). A kami is a god or powerful nature spirit. They are sworn by, to, and at in the manga, so I figure they're fair game! /dodges thunderbolts/

Sakura are cherry-blossoms.

A zanbato is Sano's weapon, the huge katana. It was designed in the Middle Ages, to take down a horse and rider with one swing.

Warnings: R for sexual situations/scenes and violence in other chapters. No language warnings.

 

 

“Kaoru-dono, this one came to ask if you wished to join our dojo.”

Kaoru sighed. “I can't, Kenshin. I want to join the dojo, but the house owner won't let any of her geishas go for anything short of marriage, and then only with an enormous payoff.”

“How much?”

“Two thousand ryo.”

Kenshin whistled softly. “That is a lot. The dojo's expenses for a year might add to that. If whole new set of equipment had to be bought, that is.”

“Which is why I'll never be free. There's no way…” Despair filled Kaoru's voice.

Kenshin's arms tightened around her. “This one said it was a lot. However, this one did not say it was too much.”

Kaoru gasped. Is he really saying…?

“Kaoru, please, I am asking you to marry me.”

 

---

 

Kaoru's head whirled in shock. Kenshin is asking me to marry him?! Oh, Kami-sama, no! I don't love him!

Or do I?

Kami-sama, help me! I don't know!

“Kenshin…” Kaoru's voice was weak from shock and uncertainty, but she knew she had to give him an adequate answer.

“I'm not sure whether I love you or not… If I say yes now, it'll be because I want to get away from being a geisha, and having to cater to men like him -” she gestured at the snoring lump on her floor “- all my life. Nice as he is, the next danna I get could be terrible. And when I get old, to become a teacher in a genteel art, if I'm any good at any of them, or to become an attendant, if I'm not.”

She heard an intake of breath from Kenshin, and continued, “Please hear me out on this. Let me finish. There are things I must say.

“Kenshin, as my dear friend - my best friend - I know I like you, maybe even love you. But as a lover, a husband…? I'm not sure.

“In physical attraction, I desire you, yes… You have the most perfect body of any man I've ever seen. I'd like nothing more, physically, than to have that body in my bed every night, instead of being at the bidding of an old, dried-out man like Sokuya.

“But to have that body in my bed requires more than just physical desire. You are a man who deserves to be loved, and loved passionately, by a woman who can give you all of her heart. I'm not sure I'm that woman. I'm not even sure whether I love you truly.

“Kenshin, I know that this answer won't satisfy you, but it's the only answer I can give now.”

Kenshin sighed. “This one had a feeling that your answer would not satisfy.”

Kaoru twisted around to look at his face. “You knew?”

Kenshin nodded, his gaze distant and pained. “This one has had feelings for you for a long time, but could not find courage to tell you. This one felt that you did not have any similar feelings. That sounds harsh, but it is true, that it is.”

Kaoru twisted in his grip again, until she was kneeling between his legs, facing him directly. “I didn't say that I didn't have any similar feelings, Kenshin. I just said that I didn't know whether what I was feeling was worthy of you.”

“It is this unworthy one, Kaoru-dono, who has not -”

“Kenshin… you are not unworthy. You are a good man, a strong man. Though your past is stained… stained with much blood… you have done your best to wash it away. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.”

Kenshin swivelled his gaze away from Kaoru's, suddenly uncomfortable with this beautiful, strong, candid woman in his lap. Kaoru realised his unease, and backed out of his grip. Kenshin sat, his gaze far away, his face stern and troubled. Finally he spoke, but the words were stiff and too-polite.

“Kaoru-dono, this one is truly unworthy of the trust you place. This one is grateful that you are honest with your feelings, and is willing to let you think. This one will wait until you know what you want.” I would wait until the stars fell, if I was waiting for you…

Kaoru's heart hurt. She knew that she had hurt him immeasurably, by kissing him with eagerness, and then speaking such hard words. She tried to make her voice warm, to show him… How much his waiting means to me. How much his friendship means to me. How much his love means to me.

“Kenshin, you are the closest person to me. You are my best friend. You are my confidant. I trust you more than I can say. I just didn't realise I might have those feelings for you, and now that I realise, I need to find out whether I do.”

Kenshin sighed. I realise that you're undecided, Kaoru. I'll wait. Kami-sama knows I've waited long enough. He looked over at Kaoru. His expression eased slowly from stern hurt to gentle, shy nervousness.

“Kaoru-dono… can this one please… please just hold you?” Kenshin's tone indicated his misgiving at how this request could be received, but Kaoru nodded assent, and leaned into his embrace, nestling in his arms. Thank you, Kaoru. You don't know how much it means to have you in my arms…

After a while of comforting closeness, Kaoru quietly said, “I think you ought to go now, Kenshin. I wish I could have given you a better answer.” She eased herself away from her friend's warm arms.

“Any answer is better than no answer, Kaoru-dono,” replied Kenshin, clambering to his feet. A gentle pat on Kaoru's shoulder, quiet footsteps, the swish of a door opening and closing, and he was gone.

 

---

 

Later, near midnight, after her danna had eventually woken up and left, Kaoru strolled in the courtyard where she had so often practiced Kamiya Kasshin. The spring was well-advanced, and the last of the sakura was falling.

Cloaked in moonlight, white yukata occasionally studded with the fragile, falling, pale-pink blossoms, Kaoru paced back and forth.

Once again, amber eyes haunted her. Raging with jealousy and possessiveness, they filled her mind. The transformation from violet to tawny and back repeated and repeated and repeated.

Images and feelings flashed through her mind, screaming for attention and consideration.

The sakabato, drawn, lifted behind her back, dropped heedlessly on the ground.

But he'd never hurt me… Kenshin would never knowingly injure me…

The tense body melting into hers, becoming part of her, wrapping close around her, warm and firm.

So perfect… fitting so well with me…

The moist, slightly-chapped lips that hers had met.

Soft… Kaoru unconsciously touched her lips, in remembrance.

The sweetness of Kenshin's mouth on hers.

He in me… so right…

NO! I can't be thinking this sort of thing! I have to be rational!

You're just avoiding it… said her conscience.

No, I'm not! I just need to think this through carefully!

Kaoru tried to think of sword styles, koto practices, dancing, but every memory came back to Kenshin somehow. Memories of his face as he showed her better grips, or as he showed her how to get more pressure into the strike, his listening to her practices, his laughter and running to catch her fall when she tangled her kimono while trying out a dance move…

Kaoru mused on how much a part of her life Kenshin and Sano, and their dojo, had become in the year that they had been friends. Mid-week and mid-day sword practices, meals that Kenshin had whipped up as she rushed off to return to the okiya for a party, Sano and learning to avoid the zanbato.

Sano's cheeky grin, and his constant teasing of Kaoru and Megumi.

Kenshin's concentration as he straightened a pupil's stance.

Sano and Megumi getting into another of their huge fights over nothing-or-Sano-teasing-Megumi.

Kenshin's gentle, encouraging smile after she had avoided one of Sano's strikes.

Kenshin's laughing eyes as he shared a joke.

The passion in his eyes as they kissed…

The hurt in his eyes as she finished her answer…

Kenshin… I'm sorry…

Tears collected and overflowed, and a single sakura petal stuck to the shining trail they left.

 

---

 

Kenshin, too, paced. Up and down the smooth floor of the dojo, the socks on his feet scuffed a trail of polished wood.

His thoughts were happier than Kaoru's. His were mostly on the kisses and the feel of Kaoru in his arms.

But at the back of his mind lurked the worrying thoughts that he was trying not to have. They swirled, hidden, and eventually the ex-rurouni gave up on ignoring them, and allowed them to rise.

The splash of anxiety that followed the surfacing of the doubts was intense. Kenshin's brows creased, and his pacing grew faster.

What if she rejects me? What if she decides that she doesn't love me…?

It would be so easy for her to say no. She probably will, because she knows that it is easy to turn a `no' into a `yes', while a `yes' is almost impossible to turn into a `no'.

But she hasn't even said that she will think about it… She implied it, though. Hopefully, the implication was true…

But even if she is considering it… How could I have proposed? There's no way I'm even near worthy enough to marry her!

Kaoru-dono… if I could have her as my wife… I would be the happiest man in the world…

Who am I kidding? If I could even just kiss her again, I'd be the happiest man in the world!

His thoughts were interrupted by the boisterous arrival of Sano, whistling happily. “Hey, Kenshin! Guess what? I won seven dice games in a row! And then took three-quarters of it to the card tables, and doubled it again!” Kenshin's only reaction to Sano's grinning enthusiasm was a slightly wan smile.

“Kenshin! Snap out of whatever you're in, man! I just won over four thousand ryo!”

Kenshin laughed, bitterly. “Could you lend this one two thousand?”

“WHAT?!” Sano was flabbergasted. Kenshin never borrowed money off him. There must be some mistake.

“It is just a little thing, Sano. To do with freeing someone, that it is.” Kenshin's voice was sad, and he turned away from his friend, starting another circuit of pacing.

“Kenshin! What's the matter, man?” No answer from the redhead. “What's the matter?”

Sano planted himself in front of the pacing man, grabbed him by the shoulders, and stopped him. Kenshin didn't even look up, but wrenched himself out of his friend's grip, and headed for the dojo's door. Sano grabbed Kenshin from behind, and turned the redhead around to face him.

“Who do you want to free? I'll help, sure, but who's it for?”

“Kaoru-dono.” Kenshin's voice was flat and emotionless.

“But a geisha can only be freed by… marriage?” Sano realised what Kenshin was saying. “You proposed?!”

“Yes.”

Sano paused. For Kenshin to have proposed… He laughed, grinning widely. “It took you long enough. I was wondering how long it would be before you asked. The kami know, you've been attracted to her since you first saw her!”

“This one did not plan to propose… This one proposed… on impulse…”

“Even better!” chuckled Sano. “But… you don't look happy. She refused?”

“She does not know her feelings towards this one yet. She will answer when she knows. This one must wait.” Sano could hear the disappointment in Kenshin's tone, but there was hope there as well.

“And you've been getting depressed, worrying about whether or not she'll say yes?”

“Yes…” Kenshin was slightly embarrassed by Sano's curt stating of the problem.

“Yep, that is something to worry about,” Sano said, turning serious. Then he grinned again. “But if I know Kaoru, you don't have anything to worry about! She's as attracted to you as you are to her.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

 

---

 

Kaoru's pacing was interrupted by Megumi's appearance at her side. “Kaoru? What're you doing out so late? I know Sokuya was `visiting'.”

“He's finished already. I pleasured him, he fell asleep, I got proposed to, he woke up, he left. I came out here, and I'm thinking things over.” Kaoru's voice was matter-of-fact, and slightly clogged by tears.

“Hang on a minute… you got proposed to?!”

“Yes.”

“Kenshin?”

“Yes.”

Megumi was practically bouncing on the spot. “That's wonderful, Kaoru! Kenshin's perfect for you!” Then she noticed her friend's face. It wasn't happy, it was confused, and had tear-lines running down it. She instantly picked up on what the situation could be, and made a guess as to what had happened.

“Wait. You've been crying. You refused? Why?”

“I didn't refuse, Megumi. I asked him to wait until I knew. He deserves to marry a woman who can give him her whole heart. I'm not sure I'm that woman. I'm not even sure whether I even love him!” Kaoru's voice broke. “I'm so confused!” She sobbed. Megumi sighed, saddened, and gathered her `younger sister' into her arms, feeling truly sisterly towards the younger woman, letting her cry out her anguish on her shoulder.

The storm of sobbing died slowly, eventually fading to occasional hiccups. Megumi let Kaoru go, patting her on the back gently. “Now, Kaoru, tell me what happened.”

Kaoru quickly told an edited version of events - including Kenshin's jealousy, but not the appearance of Battousai, and the necessity of kissing Kenshin to `retrieve' him. This left her in the awkward position of having apparently kissed a man for no reason at all. She covered it by pretending it had been teasing at first, and then had become serious.

“Well. That's interesting. He asked you to join the dojo first? That probably means that he didn't really think out the proposal, which means he did it on impulse.”

Kaoru, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, sniffed, and replied, “On impulse? What's that got to do with anything?”

“It means it was probably more heartfelt. But, Kaoru, what have you decided? Have you been able to sort out your feelings?”

“I think so. Everything I think ends up coming back to him somehow. He's the person I'm most comfortable with. His smile makes my day happy. I can talk to him, and know that he'll understand. I desire him more than anyone else.”

Megumi listened to the categorical list of Kaoru's feelings. “There's nothing I can say to that list, except, well, you have it bad. There's no other way to put this: You're in love, Kaoru. Very deeply in love.”

Kaoru's face lifted, and hope began to shine in it. “How do you know, Megumi?”

“Those feelings are characteristic of love, and I've seen the way you two act around each other. You smile when he enters a room. He does the same. Your voice is warmest when you're speaking to, or about, him. He's the same. You share the same jokes, you understand exactly what the other is saying, even when no-one else does, you sometimes even complete each other's sentences.” Megumi sighed, and a sadness appeared in her face. “You two… well, you make me jealous of you, and I don't even have a man.”

“Megumi, please, is there anything else? How can I know?” Kaoru's tone was still anxious, but hopeful.

“There is no way to truly `know', except in your heart. But I'll ask you some questions. Be honest about the answers. Who's your best friend?”

“Kenshin.” Kaoru was bemused by the idea that a few questions could answer such a big problem.

“Who best understands you?”

“Kenshin.”

“Who's best at cheering you up if you're depressed?”

“Kenshin.”

“Who would you go to if Yahiko died?”

“Kenshin.”

“Who would you go to if you were raped?”

Kaoru shuddered at the question, but answered. “Kenshin.”

“I think you get the idea, Kaoru. Think about it. Who's the only person who you've ever, voluntarily - as a woman, not a geisha - kissed?”

Kaoru's tear-stained cheeks went red. “Kenshin.”

Megumi smiled. I think I've helped her see. She and Kenshin are two that are meant for each other. Much as I'd like him to be mine…

Kaoru smiled in return. It was a brilliant, beaming smile. “Thank you, Megumi. I think I know what my feelings are, now.” She leaned forwards, and hugged her friend.

 

---

 

As the two women let go, other arms slipped around them, and covered their mouths. Before they had time to react, a quick tap of a knife-hilt to each temple slid the women into silent unconsciousness.

The possessors of the arms slung the two over their shoulders. Slipping silently to the gate, they slid out into the moonlit street, followed by other men, who also bore unconscious shapes over their shoulders.

 

 

Author's Notes: Long chapter! YAY! And like last time, I leave you hanging. /evil grin/ Don't worry, I will update as soon as exams are over.

And once again, sappiness reigns supreme… Sorry, guys! This is worse than I thought it would be. It's also getting too angsty for my taste… I wanted to put in a bit where Sano, Megumi, and Yahiko cook up evil plans to try and get Kenshin and Kaoru together, but once again, the fic writes itself contrary to the plot plan… /sweatdrops/ I really can't control it! It's not fair! /sobs/

I'm sorry about Megumi, people. She is very OOC here! But… well… she can be very kind when she needs to be, and I felt that this would be one of the times that she would be a kind friend, rather than her `Fox' personality.

Review! Please! Onegai!

Review Replies: Thanks to my reviewer!

fudge - Thanks very much for the compliments! Here's the next chapter: enjoy!