Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Sailormoon Dark ❯ Episode 13: The Episode of Bad Luck! Attack of the Pervert Senshi Team. ( Chapter 13 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Sailormoon Dark: Episode Thirteen
"The Episode of Bad Luck! Attack of the Pervert Senshi Team."

written by Laurel Wilson ( Sailorhathor@aol.com )
Inspired by the Japanese animated show Pretty Soldier Sailormoon.
The ideas for this fanfic were conceived in 1995, but this actual episode was written in March 2001. Revised September 2002.

The character 'Nelope (SailorColour) appears courtesy of Snow/SailorCharon, who wrote all of 'Nelope's lines and descriptions. She comes from Snow's fanfic series which is not currently available online. Her fanfic and mine don't necessarily fit together plot wise, so 'Nelope's appearance here can be considered a cameo, although there will be more than one of them, heh.

Warning: This episode contains a great deal of sexual innuendo. If you can't handle sexually-themed jokes... what are you doing reading this fanfic in the first place?!?! ~_^


"Did you know that Tara Mason, the American exchange student, has a brother? And what a hunk! Too bad his personality doesn't match the beauty of his face."
"Speaking of things as ugly as my brother, take a look at this monster we eventually have to fight. Tentacles, tentacles, tentacles! Does this sort of thing happen often in Japan?"
"Why, yes."
"I knew I should have listened to that dude who approached me about buying monster insurance!"
Pretty Soldier Sailormoon Dark Episode 13: The Episode of Bad Luck! Attack of the Pervert Senshi Team. The moonlight carries the message of love.

        As Nezumi left the stage, the sounds of the cheering crowd began to fade. "Amazing that you can still hear the audience back here. In other concert halls, this is not so," she remarked to Kikan, who had followed her off stage.
        Kikan nodded distractedly.
        Nezumi headed for her dressing room where Gen-chan and Maba-chan would be. "They're cheering so loudly for us tonight..." she said as she opened the door.
        "That is because you are all so talented," the twins commented in unison. One was draped with a long, thick ribbon onto which had been pinned various sewing supplies and the other held her brush and hairpins ready; Nezumi had interviews to do in twenty minutes.
        "Thank you," Nezumi said, but suddenly she stalled in the doorway and her eyes grew troubled.
        Nezumi. It was the voice of Kei, a disembodied spirit she had been hearing for all of her life. As usual, the voice spoke in her head, instead of out loud. Nezumi had given up trying to figure out where the voice came from years ago. She surmised it had something to do with being a senshi. A guardian, perhaps.
        Yes? Nezumi thought in reply.
        I want to make you aware of something, because it could cause you trouble in the future. A girl out there in the audience tonight... she knows who you are.
        Who I am? You mean... she knows I'm Sailorblackhole?
        Yes . You will meet her tomorrow, at your sister's new college. Beware.
        Maba-ch an hurriedly tapped the chair in front of the vanity mirror. "Nezumi-san, interviews! You must get ready."
        "Oh, yes, of course." I'll be on guard, Kei.


       ;  Awhile later, Glen was sitting across the snack shop table from Endora and 'Nelope as they chatted about the concert. "So what'd you think of the show, 'Nelope? Did you enjoy yourself?"
        'Nelope nodded vigorously. "Las' song all creepy, but other all-wise good. Ver'ver'good."
        Raising an eyebrow at her, Glen said, "Creepy?" He shrugged.
        Endora leaned over to 'Nelope. "It gave me a chill too. Felt like I was in church with my American Catholic Grandma."
        'Nelope blinked, pondering the sentence, before nodding a little. "Guesso. More like walking on bottom of ocea--ne'ermin'."
        Silen tly Endora folded her hands on the table, thinking.
        The waitress walked up to the table and bowed. "Good evening. Is there something I can get you?"
        "Ahh, yes..." Looking at her name tag, Glen continued, "...Kita." The smile on his face changed to a flirtatious smirk. He ordered for the girls first, knowing what they liked, then ordered for himself. "Thank you very much Kita... if I may call you that."
        Kita simply bowed. "Here at Yummy Snack, we encourage you to think of us as friends, so that you might be comfortable. Feel free to call me Kita-chan if you like." Bowing once more, the waitress left to retrieve their orders.
        "She sure likes to bow," Glen remarked in a tone as if there was something naughty about it. "At Yummy Snack, we are your friends. I wonder if she really means that..." The smirk was back.
        'Nelope blinked and stared at Glen.
        "Glen..." Endora scolded, "...does your mind have any other track besides the one that leads to Smut Town?"
        Glen feigned outrage. "Did you hear what she said to me Nelly-Belly? Endora thinks she's my mommy. Won't you defend my honor?!"
        'Nelope glared at him, a poor attempt at looking dour. "No."
        Glen burst out laughing, causing several patrons to turn and look at him. "At least you didn't say 'What honor?' "
        Face turning red, Endora spouted, "Your mommy?! All I said was you think about sex too much! That doesn't make me motherly."
        "You're a step away from cutting my meat for me and you know it."
        "Why you--"
        Just at that moment, Glen's cellular phone rang. Saved by the bell! "Oh dear, excuse me." Chuckling, he answered it. "Moshi-moshi?"
        Endora lowered the hand she had been ready to smack Glen with. "I'm too young to ever be thought of as motherly," she mumbled.
        'Nelope giggled, shaking all over.
        "What?" Endora blinked at her.
        'Nelope smirked. "Noffin'."
        "Yes, this is he......... Who?.......... Oh yeeeees, I remember you. ........Really?" As he spoke, Glen's body language gave away his amused cockiness. "Suuure, I'd be happy to. By the way, how ever did you get my cell phone number? ......... Oh, I see--you called the house and Tabitha gave it to you."
        Endora made a face at 'Nelope. "He's off on that same old track again. Making his moves on a girl right in front of us!"
        'Nelope sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yahyah... Pain inna neck."
        Still talking on the phone, Glen wadded up some napkins and threw them at his female companions. "Tomorrow at four, then? Greeeeat... see you." He hung up with a satisfied smile. "You remember those two American girls who were at the house the other day? 'Nelo, you didn't meet them, but they're exchange students from the USA. Ursula and Tara."
        "Yeah, I remember them."
        "That was Ursula on the phone. She needs some help developing a paper for her World Religions class, and wants the ol' Glenster to answer some questions about Witchcraft. I'd say she's getting started a little early in the year, wouldn't you?" Smirk.
        'Nelope frowned with mock-indignance. "No askka 'Nelope! Tell alla'bout Sedna, an' all sortsa other godsansuch. 'Nelope Inuit-type, gotta' lotta' weird fings."
        "I'll tell her when I go see her tomorrow. I'm sure Miss Ursula needs more than just my input for her paper. Though she won't need more than my hot monkey lovin'." He chuckled loudly.
        Rolling her eyes, Endora replied, "Can you believe there's any room in the car for us with a male ego that big, 'Nelope? He thinks she's inviting him over for something other than school work."
        "I know she is." Glen wiggled his eyebrows. "She and her friend were making googly eyes at me the other day."
        "That was just an adverse reaction to your face, not love."
        'Nelope sighed and rolled her eyes, wondering how either would respond to a big red mallet in the face.
        "Like you would know." He stuck his tongue out at Endora, then pointed a finger at 'Nelope. "I saw that, Nelo."
        'Nelope feigned innocence. "Saw wha'?"
        Kita quietly brought them their order with a small smile before bouncing away. This got Glen's attention; he seemed to enjoy watching her back end bounce perkily back to the front serving counter. "Excuuuse me, girls. I've got a friend to make." With that, he followed the brown-haired girl, using his best saunter.
        Endora's mouth popped open in indignance. "Do you believe him? He takes us out for the evening and the entire time he's trying to bed every girl in Tokyo. Like I have nothing better to do than wait on him to pry her phone number out of her. I wanted to be home in time for Like Twigs. * What a slut." Endora pouted over her sundae, stabbing at it with her spoon. "I don't like it when Glen gets like this. It's not a good lifestyle for him. But look at the alternative; he could settle down with his unrequited love for Kyomu Nezumi, the snoot of the century. I'm gonna find Glen a good girl who's just right for him, then duct tape him to her until he likes it and falls in love." She sighed. "Sorry, I'm praddling."
        'Nelope shook her head. "Is fine. 'Nelope not liking it either. 'Nelope looking for finding perfek' boy. Not workin', nope."
        "On this Earth? No way." She shook her head too. "You gotta check under every rock to find one of those. Oh look, he's coming back to grace us with his company." Clearing her throat mischievously, Endora filled her spoon full of ice cream and held it up, pulling the bowl of the spoon back and ready for launching. "You with me?"
        'Nelope nodded and giggled, taking her own large spoonful of ice cream. "Yahyah."
        Glen held up the phone number he had successfully procured and chuckled ferally. 'Nelope rolled her eyes, groaning. He shoved the number in his pocket and sat down. "Told ya."
        Clearing her throat again, Endora made sure Glen saw the spoons full of ice cream aimed at him. He looked at one, then at the other. "Shouldn't there be 21 of them? I do deserve a 21-spoon salute, don't I?"
        "Yeah!" Endora launched her ice cream. Splat! Right in the nose! 'Nelope launched her own, landing a small chocolate splotch on his cheek.
        As the girls giggled, Glen smiled at them, his "oh are you gonna GET it!" grin. But since they were wearing nice dresses, instead of throwing ice cream at them, he sprang across the table and began tickling them without mercy. "Goochy gooochy GOO!"
        "Gaaaaah!" screamed Endora, bubbling over with laughter.
        "Kuuuaaaaahhh !" 'Nelope screamed, curling up into a fetal position, laughing insanely.
        As quickly as he'd gotten them writhing in tickles, Glen sat back and stared at them as if they were nutso. "What's the matter with you two?! Geez I can't take you anywhere!" He pretended to be outraged.
        People at nearby tables stared at the noisy bunch, some smiling, some muttering, "Kids..."
        Endora sat up straight, but could not, and did not, stop giggling. 'Nelope attempted to look well-behaved, but slowly dissolved into giggles once again, trying her hardest to shoot Glen a dirty look.
        In reply to that adorably scolding look she was giving him, Glen flashed 'Nelope his most princely, charming smile, the smile that had gotten him out of a hundred jams. "Do I look good in chocolate?" he asked as the ice cream melted down his cheeks.


         "Close your mouth before someone throws you a fish."
        Still staring at the moving statues, Sailorhelium abruptly shut her mouth. Clop. "Uhhh..."
        The statues magically morphed into two lovely senshi, one holding a scroll, the other wearing a mask that looked like a jackal's face. "You must ask before you may ascend the stairs," the masked one repeated to Helium.
        "Er... Red Rover, Red Rover, can Sailorhelium come over?"
        Soldierosiris chuckled.
        But the two guarding senshi were not amused. The first one raised her mask so Helium could see her face. "I am Sailoranubis , senshi of the Necropolis."
        "And I am Sailorthoth, senshi of writing, flesh, and cloth," the second senshi added. "Properly ask to ascend, or your visit here will end."
        "Hey, she's a poet and didn't know it," Helium joked. The look on Sailorcharon's face took all of the sarcasm out of her responses. "Sorry. Right, this is a serious matter. May I please come up, your Majesty?"
        "You may," Sailorisis replied.
        Charon and Helium climbed the stairs past Anubis and Thoth. Charon got down on one knee before the thrones, bowing her head. "I would like to ask a very important favor of you, my Lord and Lady."
        "Of course." Isis stroked the girl's head. "What can we do for you Charon? Please rise."
        Sailorcharon stood up, obviously nervous as she fumbled to her feet. "My friend Sailorhelium had an idea last night, and I wanted to run it by you; that is, to ask you if..."
        "Your friend?" Isis gently smiled at both girls. "I don't believe we've met."
        "I can't remember you ever having a friend," Osiris added with a pleased grin. "Except for all of us here at the Temple of Nowhere. I'm so glad to meet you." He took Helium's hand and kissed it.
        Her eyes widened as she grinned back at Osiris. "You didn't say he was so charming."
        Sailorcharon blushed and fidgeted as Isis chuckled at Helium's words. "Gosh, I'm sorry. This is my friend Sailorhelium, or Heri. Right now she's Helium, like you can't see that for yourself..." She fidgeted the Key of Styx right out of her hand and accidentally dropped it.
        "Honey, calm down." Sailorisis gave the nervous girl a light hug, rubbing her arms affectionately. "It's very nice to meet your new friend. I'm happy to see you with a companion; it can get very lonely here without one."
        Mumbling to herself, Anubis said, "New friend? Companion?" and looked Helium up and down while gritting her teeth. Helium barely noticed.
        "Now, why don't you sit down here on my throne and tell me what this is about?"
        Soldierosiris invited Helium to have a seat in his chair. "You guys are cool. Not at all snooty like I thought you were going to be," Sailorhelium said.
        Osiris sweatdropped, Charon and Isis giggled, and Anubis rolled her eyes.
        Charon carefully related to them her request concerning her parents. "So, what do you think?"
        "Oh honey, why didn't you come to us about this sooner? I'm sure there's something that can be done." Sailorisis signaled to Thoth to retrieve something for her.
        Charon, embarassed, shrugged. "I didn't think I had the right. Why should my parents be any more special than anyone else's? But Heri suggested that maybe there was something I could do to fix my part in it, and I thought that was worth a try. It's only fair to them, that I try, and leave the rest up to fate."
        "Well, I think there is something that you can do. But you're right, you'll have to do the work. You'll have to do some studying first."
        Sailorthoth came back and handed Charon a thick book. It was a copy of the Egyptian Book of the Dead.
        "You'll have to look through this to find the right spells that will give your parents back their rightful passage. I'm sending Thoth and Anubis with you to help you sift through the book; it's quite big," Sailorisis explained.
        "Thank you so much Isis. I should have done this years ago." Charon gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then hugged Osiris and kissed him too, like a child saying goodnight to her parents.
        Sailorhelium was making a face, but trying to hide it. "Anubis and Thoth are coming with us?"
        "There's quite a bit to the book. Charon will need help sorting it out. That won't inconvenience you too much, us coming along, will it?" Sailoranubis asked. There was a sarcastic edge to her voice, like she knew she was horning in on Helium's hopes for the evening. And was glad about it.
        Smiling artificially, Helium replied, "No, won't inconvenience us at all."
        Anubis grinned back. I'm being very naughty that smile said. And I'm glad about it.
        Sailorcharon turned to the others. "Ready to go?"
        Anubis put her arm around her to walk her down the stairs. "Ready and able. I'm going to help you find the answers you seek in that book if it takes all night."
        Grumbling, Sailorhelium followed them down to the riverside. Her attention was diverted by a ghost floating along the viel that prevented him from entering Hell. Not much else could have taken her attention away from the sticky-fingered Anubis at that moment, but this was very peculiar. "What is that ghost doing? He looks like he's trying to get into Hell."
        "Unfinished business. He is stuck between worlds. That happens to many adults, boys, and girls," replied Sailorthoth.
        "I'm not going to ask you why because I might get a sonnet in reply. Oh great, now you've got me doing it!" Before getting in the boat, Helium gave one last look to the sad ghost ambling back and forth along the viel like a lost puppy. Soon she and Sailorcharon would be alone again, and she could ask her what she knew about that ghost. He was one of the suicides that had been newly released from the coin, wasn't he? Didn't he want to claim his rightful rest? Why was he still stuck "between worlds"? Sailorhelium let out a sigh.
        "That's all this place does is bring up new, more cryptic questions. One question is answered, two more spring up. They should call this place Hydra!"


         "Where are the hunks? Where are the babes? You said this school was crawling with them. Where are they?!"
        Tara smacked her brother on the arm. "We just got back from the airport, Nathan. Give it some time, and you'll see plenty of them."
        Nathan put his nose in the air. "I have a suspicion you're lying to me."
        "Quit that thinking right now or I'll put you in a sling-shot and shoot you home," Ursula joked in a scolding tone.
        Tara's brother Nathan had flown in the day after the concert for a visit, so he could check out his sister's college to decide if he wanted to attend it next year. The group was currently crossing the plaza in front of the main building. The boy turned to Ursula with a smirk. "Your parents gave me a message for you, Ursula-lala. They called before I left."
        "Yes?" Ursula put on her bravest face. She wasn't going to let Nathan Mason see her upset. Not when he could traipse back to her parents and tell them everything.
        "Your mom says she doesn't want you dating any Japanese boys while you're here because she's got some nice African-American guys set up for you back home. She told me they're very successful and handsome so you shouldn't waste yourself on any of the boys here. Your father then added that you sure better not go all the way to Japan to date any white boys, and he wants you to give up this silly idea and come home before you get too deep into the semester. He elaborated that back home, you could go to a real school. Oh, and then your mom started to cry. I think that's it. I was a little offended by the comment about not dating any white boys," Nathan remarked.
        With a sigh, Ursula stood at the railing of the bridge they were crossing, and looked out over the quaint stream below. "There go my parents again, trying to live my life for me. I wish they'd just stop."
        Tara whacked her brother's arm again, harder this time. "How could you tell her a thing like that? You're such a jerk Nathan."
        "I didn't say it, her parents did!"
        "Look, if we're going to be staying in one tiny dorm room for awhile, we're going to have to get along. That means you can't be a jerk," Tara declared.
        "If that's the way you're going to be, I'll just go stay in a hotel," Nathan replied, his hands on his hips.
        "You know Auntie and Uncle aren't made of money. You can't stay in a hotel--not only do you always insist on an expensive suite, but you constantly order room service whether they can afford it or not. No, you're just going to have to stay in the dorm with us."
        "That's not even allowed. I'm a boy! A boy can't stay in a girl's dorm."
        "The boys and girls are simply on different floors at this school. If one of the student Floor Monitors catches you in our room, we'll just say you're visiting from another floor. Besides, you're close enough to a girl, pretty boy." Tara gave him a raspberry.
        Nathan indignantly grabbed her tongue and held it while smirking at her. "You mean while I'm sleeping, there will be entire floors full of babes below me, and entire floors full of hunks above me?"
        "Yesh," Tara tried to reply.
        "Ooooh!" Nathan's eyes became huge hearts. "I'm going to like it here!"
        Ursula didn't seem to hear their bickering; she was staring at the flowing water below her. "Water. We're all made up of this stuff, every one of us, and no one has any different water flowing through them than anyone else. It's all clear and pure... just like this stream. So why does the shell make such a difference to my parents? We're all just a bed for a stream." The image of her mother in tears ran through her head. "Mother cried..."
        Senetsu and Kako were crossing the bridge and heard Ursula talking to herself; they snickered and walked away, shaking their heads.
        Still lost in thought, Ursula said to herself, "There must be someone out there who feels the way I do... a kindred spirit. Someone who thinks love is too precious to let go of just because some bigoted people put pressure on him." The surface of the water reflected the surface of Ursula's memories, and she cringed at the sight of some boy from the past as he took back his ring.
        "I'm sorry Ursula," Memory Boy said. "I'm not as strong as you are. I can't deal with the stares and comments anymore. Even your own father told me I'm not good enough for you because I'm white. Maybe he's right."
        "I know he's not right," Ursula mumbled, and tossed a pebble into the water. It broke up the image of her memory she saw on the surface, ripples moving across the stream. When the ripples disappeared, Ursula saw the reflection of a man standing next to her on the bridge. So bright green were his eyes that she noticed them first, shining on the top of the water like small lights in the dark.
        "Oh! Gosh, I didn't see you there. Uh, hi." She smiled a little nervously; he had really startled her with his sudden appearance.
        "Good afternoon, lovely miss. My name is Sazanami Midori. Aren't you one of the exchange students from America?" His shoulder-length shaggy blonde hair framed his face with its strong jawline and warm smile, through which his voice came like a soft, smooth velvet. Although she had trouble tearing herself away from those eyes, Ursula did take the time to notice that he was wearing the uniform of Mirai Mugen, and he was smoking.
        Tara and Nathan were still bickering nearby. "Do you think about anything besides babes and hunks?" Tara was saying.
        "Why should I?!" Nathan whined. "I'm on the cusp of my sexual peak. This is what I should be thinking about at this time."
        "Oh, nuh uh, we are not going to be discussing your sexual peak!" Tara popped her fingers in her ears. "La la la la, I do not hear Nathan talking about disgusting things like his love life!"
        "I'm seventeen now you know!" he tried to yell over her.
        Being in Japan, Ursula didn't know exactly how to introduce herself, if she should bow, like a Japanese person, or shake hands, like an American. She finally decided to shake his hand, then bow awkwardly. "Ursula Majors. Yeah, me and my friend Tara are the new exchange students this year." She pointed to Tara, then cringed because Tara had her fingers in her ears and was yelling something about not wanting to hear about Nathan's sex life. "That's her little brother; that's why they're fighting." She chuckled. "He's just visiting. Um, in America, it's not such a big deal to call people by their first names, but here... can I call you Sazanami?"
        With amusement, Midori shook his head. "No, my first name is Midori. You-"
        "Oh gosh, I'm sorry... I'm still trying to get used to the name thing over here. Midori. Can I call you Midori?" she asked sheepishly.
        He nodded, smiling again. "Of course. I'm sure the culture is difficult to grasp at first, but you'll get it in no time." Midori had found himself extremely attracted to her exoticness, being not only an American in Japan but an African-American. Had he ever seen such a rare, diverse beauty? The things that made her different made her fascinating. Midori wanted to get to know this Ursula very much. "How are you liking Japan so far?"
        "It's very different," Ursula replied, her eyes wide to show just how overwhelming it had been. Her body language told him everything on which she did not want to elaborate. "The television shows take a lot of getting used to. Some of them... they're kinda... crazy, when compared to television back home. It took me awhile to locate the Diet Coke in the vending machine... I accidentally got a pack of Snack Crabs." Was that a blush she felt creeping hotly into her cheeks?
        Taking a drag off his cigarette, Midori laughed lightly and nodded. "You don't have packets of tiny edible crab candy back home, ne?"
        Ursula giggled at his comment. Am I giggling?! Woah Ursula, you don't giggle unless you find a guy attractive. Stop it. "No, and after I tasted them... I was glad."
        He had to laugh at that. "We have some very different snack foods here; some things, you get used to. Seafood is such a staple in Japan. I'm not sure how I feel about the snack crabs yet..." Midori blew out his cigarette smoke with a chuckle. "I visited your Houston once, so I know you don't have them there, at least not in that state."
        "Ah, Houston. Good shopping." Oh that sounded so airheaded! "Tara and I, and her brother, we're from Dallas, Texas. Well, a suburb. Plano." You're babbling! Why does he have to be cute?! At least he's not white... but Daddy said no Japanese boys either. She squelched the little voice that tried to remind her what else her dad had said. "Why exactly did you choose Houston to visit? Not one of the bigger, more well-known cities?"
        "Because that is where NASA is located. I wanted to see it. Eventually, I will go there to study space exploration and aeronautics further. The idea of outer space is fascinating to me," Midori explained. His eyes came even more alive as he spoke of his dream, which almost made Ursula gasp at how beautiful they looked when they danced.
        "That's a lovely dream! I'm also fascinated by space exploration; I wish we could get a satellite off to take pictures of Pluto. It's the only planet in the solar system-"
        "... that we have no satellite pictures of, yes," Midori finished. He grinned like a child playing with his favorite toy, as this was practically his favorite subject. "I'm studying quite hard under the teaching of Professor Tomoe-san. Genetic engineering is his main field, but he's been branching out into its applications to space exploration and possible life on other planets for the last few years. I hope it does not sound unexciting."
        "Not at all; that sounds very exciting!" Realizing how overzealous the tone of her voice had been while saying this, Ursula embarrassedly cleared her throat and tried to calm her fast-beating heart. Maintain, maintain, Ursula. She absently twisted her hair around two fingers, her eyes playing lightly over his body. Why does he have to be so easy on the eyes?
        Midori noticed how lovely her hair looked as she played with it. Little stars glittered here and there as it moved. It was almost hypnotizing. "I'm glad you also find it interesting. So, what is your family like? Do you have any brothers or sisters? I do not, though I do have some friends whom I have known since childhood, and they are like brothers to me. We consider each other family, and their sisters are my sisters."
        Continuing to absently twirl her black locks, Ursula smiled and said, "Sometimes Tara and I fight like sisters. But I never had a real sibling. I'm an only child. That must be interesting, to be that close to friends you have known since you were very young. Well, interesting to someone like me who's never experienced it. Not that Tara and I aren't close, we just didn't know each other before high school. I bet it's pretty boring to you. Not that your family is boring, just that it's old hat." You're babbling again.
        Taking another long drag off his cigarette, which was almost finished, Midori looked at her and then started to chuckle. "You are a very curious woman, Ursula."
        In spite of herself, Ursula giggled again.
        As they were talking, Tara was desperately trying to find a way to change the subject. She spotted three male students standing under a tree together; they were a bit dumb and scrawny in appearance, not Nathan's usual type at all. "Look brother dear, some of those hunks you've been looking for!" She pointed at the boys.
        "That does it." Nathan chased his sister up and down the steps of Mirai Mugen, ready to smack her one.
        Two of the boys under the tree began to chuckle. "Uh huh huh, uh huh huh huh, hey Biibasu, that girl just pointed at us."
        Biibasu, the boy that Heri had refused to go out with in high school, chuckled back. "Yeah Shiriatama, she did. She fingered us. Mmhm hm heh!"
        "She wants me."
        Biibasu angrily shook his fists. "No way! She was pointing at me!"
        "Hey guys, is this all we're going to do all day?" the third boy, Satuwatsu, asked. @ "We've been standing here for hours. I've got a tuba lesson this afternoon."
        "Shut up Satuwatsu! A babe just pointed at me!"
        "She was pointing at me, buttwipe!"
        Biibasu and Shiriatama started punching each other. They didn't see the blue-haired woman approach them, holding out a black ball that looked like a cat's head.
        Baby Baby Love checked Dark Luna-P again, looking for malfunctions. Nope, nothing wrong. Everything was working properly. Luna-P's antennae and the mirror on her forehead both blinked with light in reaction to these three pathetic boys.
        "It can't be..." she breathed.
        "Hey guys, look! There's a babe! And she's looking right at us!"
        Biibasu and Shiriatama stopped fighting and turned to the woman before them. Their jaws dropped. "Hey Biibasu, uh huh huh huh, this chick wants us."
        "Yeah. Uh huh huh heh heh."
        Letting out a long sigh, Baby Baby Love checked her readings once more. These losers are senshi?! Luna-P would not stop reacting to them. "Oooookay... hello boys."
        The three boys froze, mouths wide open.
        "Would you boys come with me?"
        Biibasu let out a loud guffaw. "Shiriatama, she said wood."
        "Yeah. Uh huh huh huh. And then she said come." The two boys laughed to each other.
        "Uhhh, guys, my mom said I should never go anywhere with strange women," Satuwatsu said nervously.
        Shiriatama shoved him. "Damnit Satuwatsu, don't be such a loser. She wants our bodies."
        Rolling her eyes, Baby Baby Love beckoned for them to follow her. "Let's go to a more private place, okay? Then I'll show you my sucker." She walked away, winking and tossing Luna-P in the air.
        Biibasu and Shiriatama scurried after her, breaking out in loud nervous laughter. Satuwatsu reluctantly followed them.
        Several minutes later, Nathan had Tara in a headlock and was giving her a noogie when they heard a whole group of female students screaming on the other side of the campus. "What was that?!"
        "Monsters! Monsters!" a girl screeched as she ran by.
        Ursula, flustered, babbled, "Uh, I have to go. Sorry," and ran off toward Tara and Nathan. They all ran around the side of Mirai Mugen where there was some privacy.
        Perplexed, Midori watched her go, and then figured that she must've run off because she was afraid of whatever the students were screaming about. "Monsters" could only mean there was evil afoot, so he also found a private spot to transform. Holding his neon green and gold henshin wand aloft, Midori called, "Chlorine Elemental Power, Make-up!" Waves of energy sailed from his wand to form a mostly transparent, yellow-green patch in front of him. The energy suddenly rippled fiercely; when it fell calm again, it could be seen that Midori had transformed into Soldierchlorine. The wall of energy splashed down like water and was gone.
        "Callisto Satellite Power, Make-up!" Four silver slivers of energy emerged from Ursula's upraised transformation wand, rotated around her head, and suddenly slashed at her shirt like the claws of a bear. The claws continued to tear her clothes away to reveal her fuku below. When that was done, the claws multiplied into eight to form either end of the materializing Razor Claw. Ursula was fully transformed into Sailorcallisto.
        Nathan surprised them by not transforming into Soldierganymede, because he did have that power. Instead, he said, "Kingdom of Ganymede Power!" and changed into Prince Ganymede as green energy sped over his body. In his hand he held a cane with a champagne glass on the end; it was encrusted with jewels.
        "Nathan, what are you doing? Your fighting identity is Soldierganymede," Callisto reminded him.
        "Do I look like Nathan right now?!" Prince Ganymede snapped. He fussed with his hair and checked that his cape was flowing freely in the wind. "I am the prince of Ganymede. I will not defend the honor of my kingdom as a common soldier. You can if you want to, but I will not."
        Sighing, Sailorcallisto said, "Tara, transform. Let's go." She turned in the direction of the screams and headed there.
        As Tara took out her transformation wand, Prince Ganymede suddenly shoved her to the ground. Her wand flew from her hand.
        "What'd you do that for?!"
        Prince Ganymede picked up the wand and put it in his pocket. "You are not going to transform into Sailorganymede. I refuse to let you defend our honor as a common soldier. If you are going to fight, you will fight as the Princess."
        "Nathan, we--"
        "Prince Ganymede!"
        Tara sighed heavily. "Prince Ganymede, we don't have time for this! Callisto needs our help!"
        "Then become Princess Ganymede, and fight by my side as the royalty that you are."
        With another sigh, Tara protested, "But I haven't done that since the time of the Silver Millenium. Can't we talk about this later?"
        "No! When you're ready to do the right thing, you come join the battle." Without returning Tara's wand, Prince Ganymede ran off in the direction Sailorcallisto had gone.
        Tara was unable to move for a few seconds, she felt so devastated over what her brother had done. What did it matter if she fought as a soldier or a princess? I haven't been the Princess in so long, and even when I was her... what if I can't be her again?


     &nb sp;  Michiru and Haruka were walking together to Michiru's music class when they heard the students screaming.
        "I should get my violin fixed next week... it's developing a small crack."
        "Write yourself a note, because I'll probably forget to remind you to take it in," Haruka replied.
        "Such a memory you don't have..."
        "Ahhhh!" a sudden voice screamed from nearby. This was joined by several calls for help.
        "Sounds like the Dark senshi are back," Haruka calmly commented.
        "Oh Haruka, should you really be fighting with those wounds from the other day?" Michiru pointed to the bandages on Haruka's arms.
        "What about yours?" She gestured to the strips of gauze on Michiru's arms.
        "I guess we'll both have to chance it. Transform."
        By the time they got to the section of the campus from which the screams had come, Sailorneptune and Sailoruranus were ready for anything--so they thought. The odd scene before them rendered them speechless. There were three scantily-clad senshi holding a group of female students hostage; the only thing covering the chests of the senshi were leather pasties and a sheer layer of thin organza. The blonde senshi all in black had the students tied together with her whip.
        "What the heck is this about?" Sailoruranus mumbled.
        The three senshi turned to them.
        "I am the senshi of perversion, Sailornitrogenhentai . And I love being a girl! I wish someone had given me these sooner." She pointed at her breasts. "I'm never leaving the house again! Uh huh huh, heh heh heh."
        The brunette senshi started chuckling with her. "Yeah. I'm gonna spend all my time looking at my boobs in the mirror from now on. I'm gonna cop a feel. Uhhuhhuhhuh huh! Uhhh, I'm Sailorcarbonecchi , or something. The senshi of, like, what she said." She carried a large hammer on her shoulder; the top of it was a huge diamond shaped like a soccer ball.
        The third senshi reluctantly joined in. "Er, I'm Sailorboronfanboy, and I hope we can get this done quickly before I miss my tuba lesson."

"Oh no! What an awful, disgusting situation to be in! Being attacked by a group of pervert senshi. I'm sure glad I'm not there. Hey, wait... I wasn't in this episode at all! How can you have an episode of Sailormoon without Sailormoon?! I'm calling my lawyer!"
"Is that the magical girls' lawyer you're talking about? The one who got Card Captor Sakura tons of money in a settlement with Nelvana over their butchering of her show?#"
"One and the same, Luna."
Sailormoon Dark Episode 14: The Episode After the Episode of Bad Luck. The Pervert Senshi Have a Pet for Show and Tell. The moonlight carries the message of love.

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* Like Twigs is an unpublished novel of mine; I'm pretending here that it's a tv show for a joke. I like putting references to other works of mine in... other works of mine just for fun.
@ In case you can't tell, these three boys are my fun little tribute to one of my favorite shows of all time, Beavis and Butthead. Biibasu is the Japanese pronounciation of Beavis, Satuwatsu is the Japanese pronounciation of Stewart (you know, their little friend with the overprotective parents), and Shiriatama means "Buttock head" in Japanese. If you've never watched B&B, they were a couple of stupid losers obsessed with sex, and they were really funny. ^_^
# This is just a joke; the makers of CCS have not sued Nelvana over the dub. Although maybe they should... ~_^

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