Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Broken ❯ Chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Slayers and their characters are not owned by me. They belong to Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi and any other companies which own them. I'm just borrowing them for a little bit and I promise to give them back all in perfect working order.

 

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“I'm not leaving, ok? I don't know what has got into your head and stuck there but I'm not going to leave you here on your own.”

“I don't want you here.”

“What the hell is going on with you Gourry?”

“If you stay, I know you're going to become unhappy. I know what you're like when you're travelling. You're happy. You stay anywhere too long and you get grouchy and can't wait to leave.”

“That was different…”

“No Lina. I'm gonna be here for months at least. I might never leave because I might never walk again. I don't want to see you here like a chained animal. I'd rather you be gone and know you're feeling great then to see you here so depressed.”

“Gourry…”

“JUST LEAVE!”

 

I don't know what got into me. I don't know how I managed to yell at her like that. I don't think I had ever done that before to her. All I knew was despite hating to see her leave, she had to go. I was never going to be able to protect her anymore like I had promised her. If anything, travelling with her would put her in more trouble. The best thing for me to do at that point was to try and make her leave. I knew once she got used to the idea, she would be ok.

 

“…fine. If that's what you want. Then I'll do it.” Lina replied softly.

 

I really didn't expect that reaction from her. It was a surprise. I was expecting her to yell at me and then slam the door behind her. If she did that, then I wouldn't have felt so bad. I was prepared for that. However this reaction was the complete opposite and it threw me off. It felt horrible to see her leave so quietly and gently. The one time I wanted to run after her and tell her sorry, I wasn't able to.

 

I leaned back into my bed and rolled onto my side. I knew I did the right thing for Lina, but in the end it meant I was now on my own. Also because I wouldn't be able to walk, then I wasn't going to be of any use.

 

I remember feeling like this some time before meeting Lina. It kind of felt really long ago. I mean, I'd been through a lot with Lina. In the few years I had been with Lina, enough happened to fill quite a few lifetimes. It was definitely more than I had been through before meeting Lina.

 

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Well before I met Lina, I didn't really know what I was meant to do. I felt useless like I do now. I was even going to throw the Sword of Light away. Just thinking about it now makes me laugh a little. If Lina knew what I was going to do then, she would have thrown a fit!

 

Just as I was about to throw it away, some guy stopped me and he helped me out. Thinking about it now, he reminded me a little of Lina. A little bit of the way he acted did remind me of Lina, but there were lots of other things that made him different. He seemed much stricter than Lina for a start.

 

In the end, he made me feel like I had something to give to the world, and that throwing the sword away was a mistake. I guess without that advice, I would never have met Lina and would have never had all those great adventures. Maybe what happened to me was some strange way of telling me that I wasn't supposed to have anymore of those adventures. I guess Lina had a life of adventuring before meeting me, and so I'm sure that she will have plenty of more without me.

 

But no matter how I looked at it, I felt like I was missing out on so much. I never really thought I would leave Lina. I guess it sounds silly, but I thought we would just travel together forever. Now all of a sudden I had nothing. Ok maybe I could get better, but even the healer said that I might not get back to the way I used to.

 

All of a sudden I was back to that shoreline, ready to throw the Sword of Light into the sea. Only instead of throwing the sword in, I kind of wanted to throw myself in.

 

 

I spent the next few days in bed, and never really left. The healer's helper kept checking in on me, leaving me some food to eat and to check I was ok. I found out that her name was Marina, and I really appreciated her helping out, but at that point I wondered if I really wanted to be helped.

 

My hair was starting to knot together and I was starting to grow a pretty decent beard, but I just didn't care anymore. I just wanted to stay in the bed and I wondered if I would just disappear into nothingness. It was only because Marina kept checking in on me and leaving me food that the chances of that happening seemed slim.

 

I think she was 16. I never asked for her age but from the looks of her, I guessed that's how old she was. She had fiery red hair, the way Lina's brown hair used to go when the sun was setting and her hair caught the light just right, or when she was casting a fireball. It reached down to the middle of her back and was a little straighter than Lina's.

 

One day she came into the room to leave some food for me to eat, just like she had done every other day.

 

“Why are you helping me?” I managed to croak out. I guess that is what happens when you don't talk for a few days.

“Well, I'm a helper, so it's my job.” She replied as she took the empty plates from breakfast. “When is your girlfriend coming back? It's been about a week since she left.”

“Umm, she's not coming back. And she's not my girlfriend. Or…it's complicated.”

“Why not!?”

“I asked her to leave.”

“And why would you do that.”

“It's not fair for me to ask her to stay.”

“Don't you think she might have wanted to stay? And maybe help you out?”

“Why? It's not like I'm going to get any better. I'm stuck like this. Lina wouldn't be able to stay in one place for long. She would just get annoyed and frustrated. I wouldn't want to do that to her. I know she's happier exploring and having adventures.”

“You can get better if you try. I thought she was your girlfriend because when she was waiting for you to be healed, she looked really concerned. I would say that she almost looked upset. It's obvious you've both spent a lot of time with each other and so I think you enjoy adventuring as much as you say she does.”

“I…I don't know. Even if I try, I might not get better enough to be able to travel with her. I don't want to put her in danger because she has to look out for me.”

“How do you know if you don't even try? You have to at least give it a try. What do you want? Do you want to stay in this bed for the rest of your life or to travel with that girl once more?”

 

I didn't know what to say anymore and I guess she took that as her cue to leave as I heard her close the door gently.

 

I sat up slowly and managed to find a mirror to look into. My hair was an absolute mess, and the beard I managed to grow just didn't suit me. Looking in that mirror I felt like a different person. I wasn't happy seeing that other person, it just seemed wrong. I wanted to be the person I was before, and I wanted to be beside Lina again. Even without the Sword of Light, I still felt like I had a reason to be when I was fighting alongside her. I wanted to travel with her like always, and fight with her over meals.

 

I still felt making her leave was the right thing, but I was starting to realise that just giving up was the wrong thing. I was going to try everything I could to do those things with Lina again, and then when I was better I would travel and search for her.

 

I looked over to the bathroom from the bed and knew it would be a bit of a journey just crawling, but I felt I had to do this first. I crawled out of bed and slumped to the ground carefully. I didn't want to disturb the others and think something was wrong. Just using my arms, I managed to slowly pull my body along towards the bathroom. I'll tell you now though, it was tough. My years of fighting with a sword couldn't prepare me for having to pull my entire body along the ground.

 

After what felt like hours but was probably about 15 minutes, I made it to the bathroom. That was the easy part. I now had to try and pull myself up on to the side of the bathtub and use it as a seat. It took every ounce of strength I had inside to be able to get there but I managed it.

 

Looking into the mirror once more, I saw this man again that I didn't want to be anymore. I looked to the razor blade and then took it from the shelf it was on. Then looking back into the mirror, I knew I had to make that man disappear. I placed the blade to my neck, and then began shaving. I was glad to be getting rid of those awful itchy hairs.

 

I finished shaving, and I also took a nice relaxing bath where I realised how much lighter my body felt in water. I thought that might come in use sometime, but at that moment it was more important to wash my body and hair and get rid of the tangled and knot-ridden mess it had become.

 

Once finished, I made my way slowly back to the bed and then once I was on it, I looked back to the mirror. I felt a little more like my old-self. That was the way I wanted to be. Now there was only one small thing left to do. I had to get my body back into shape so that I could go after Lina and be with her again like we had. I looked down to my legs and knew I had to get them moving some how. Even if they wouldn't move how I wanted them to, I would have to get it done so for the moment I reached down and used my arms to move my legs back and forth.

 

I wasn't fooling myself. I knew this was going to take a real long time before there was any sign of improvement, but being with Lina again was the inspiration I needed, and I wasn't going to give up until I could do that again.