Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Because of You ❯ Pained Thoughts ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to somebody else

 

Because of You

 

All thethings he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
This is not enough

I can't believe it. He was right. It wasn't him. And there I was, blaming him. I feel partly sick at myself. I just want to forget everything.

I can't sleep anymore. I'm scared of those reoccurring nightmares, the one where I hit that button, that horrible little small button which looks completely harmless. So I just lay awake, staring at the ceiling, wasting my energy by sobbing pathetically.

And yet… if there's another thing I can't keep my mind off of, it's him. I keep remembering his face as I shouted at him to leave. Something I'll never forget, no matter how hard I try. I know now, he never killed her, yet my heart still pounds hate for him through my veins. Why? He still fucked me and got me pregnant didn't he?

Heh, I keep thinking about that night too. The night in which he took away all my innocence. The night which has lead me into this vile hate and depression. Sonic…

Why? Why do I keep getting that feeling inside of me when I think of that bastard? Why does part of me want to kill him, yet another part of me want to just throw my arms around him and cry helplessly, begging for his forgiveness, and want him to hug me.

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free

It's strange. I hate Sonic, yet I miss him. I grit my teeth and try to erase the fact that I miss him terribly. I sob, the white covers catching my salty tears. I miss him…

I'm sorry Sonic!

It's almost as if the hate was being erased bit by bit and there was little of it left. All I can feel is the need for him to come back to me and be my friend again. I want to put the past behind me now, I have to!

I gaze down at my belly, which was getting a little rounder. I rub it, trying to feel my baby inside. I still didn't deserve this teenage pregnancy, and nevertheless, I'm a guy! How the hell am I going to give birth?

“Guess I'll wait until that time comes,” I sob, trying to force a smile onto my face, but it's too hard. It's almost as if I could never smile again. I miss the feeling of being happy, but that left when Cosmo died. It's hopeless.

Man, my emotions travel up and down like an emotional rollercoaster ride. I want Sonic back, yet I still have hate for him. I want to be happy, yet I don't. I'm confusing myself. I lay back and gaze at the ceiling as that doctor, the one who usually looks after me, comes into the room, holding that same clipboard he always holds.

“I have some good news and some bad news for you, Mr. Prower,” he told me, settled on the edge of my bed. He's less intimidated of me now, but he still backs off. He probably heard Sonic screaming at me, telling me I'm a murderer.

Murderer

Great, the pain rolls back into me and I try to blink back tears. I'm a goddamn murderer. I must've been kidding if I thought the pain would ever go away.

“We've finally found you a willing blood donor and you're transfusion will happen tomorrow.”

“That's the good news?” I claimed dully. What's the point? I deserve all I get for killing Cosmo, when she least deserved it. So why bother? My eyes land on my belly again. `At least until the baby's born…'

“Yes, I'll be back later to talk to you, you have a visitor,” he quickly stammered, getting up and walking out of the room as fast as he could.

What the hell was the bad news then? Heh, probably some random crap that I'd find good news in my state of being. Anyway, I had a visitor so I decided to at least try and cheer up.

Amy walked into the room stiffly, her cheeks a pale colour and her eyes dull. She looked like she hadn't slept in a million years, but I guess I look the same. She sat down, trying her hardest to smile at me.

“How are you Tails?” she asked me in a strange voice, one that sounded like she had been crying. My heart began to pulse in fear.

`Does she know?'

“Are you okay?” I asked, forgetting about me for once and worrying about Amy's state of wellbeing.

“It's nothing Tails… you're the top priority now so… how have you been?” she babbled quickly, trying to forget everything.

“I'm okay, I guess… just… I want to go home…” I claimed, trying to hold back tears. It's true, I want to go home. But I want Cosmo back even more.

 

“I guess… being in this hospital must drive you insane,” she replied, looking at me. I look away, too ashamed to look at her. I remember what Sonic and I did together and it feels even worse to be talking to Sonic's girlfriend, then one he had cheated on with me.

 

I think of Sonic again, confused emotions charging through me. I feel guilty about yelling and blaming him for everything, so I ask, “So… how's Sonic?”

 

I never expected what happened to happen. At that precise moment, Amy burst into tears and laid her head on the bed, sobbing loudly.

 

“What's wrong?” I asked, panicked that I might've said something to hurt her feelings.

”S-S-Sonic b-broke up with m-me…” she cried, gripping the bed quilt. All I could do was watch someone else cry in pain, watch someone else sob because Sonic hurt them. But why? Why would he break up with her when he vowed on Blue Typhoon that he would always love her and never let anything happen to her?

 

“Sonic broke up with you?” I asked, carefully reciting the words to show that I was listening. I backed off a little, in case Amy went into one of her rages, but shockingly, she didn't. She just looked up at me with a tearful expression.

 

“Yes…” she sniffed, “He t-told me that… h-he loved s-someone else…”

 

Confused emotions filled me. Sonic was in love with someone else? It sickened me, yet I felt like I knew who he was in love with. He couldn't be… could he?

 

“Tails, what do I do?!” Amy suddenly threw herself back on the quilt again and sobbed heavily, “I need him! I love him!”

 

I feel guilty. Somewhere in the back of my head I know it's me who Sonic is in love with and it's because of that Amy is lying on my bed crying her heart out. I glare at the ceiling. Damn you Sonic. But yet I feel somewhat fulfilled. Almost like I want Sonic to love me… in that way. My emotions are so mixed up that I end up sobbing unknowingly.

 

“Don't cry Amy… please don't…” I rub her quills as she sobbed helplessly. How could that blue bastard do this to her when all she ever did was love him?

 

Amy sniffled, coming into focus with my face, “Sorry… don't cry because of me…”

 

I wipe away any stray tears streaming out of my eyes and down my face, weakly smiling at the pink hedgehog in front of me. Eventually I plucked up the courage and said, “You'll find better Amy… there's still someone out there for you and you'll find that someone, okay?”

 

I look at my hands in my lap, my thoughts turning back to Cosmo. How I had my thumb firmly pressed on that button, the bright flash and explosion… all that I had caused. Those thoughts brought me into full sobbing mode again, and I was left with Amy wrapping her arms around me and hugging me.

 

“It's okay…” she whispered into my ear, “Everything will be okay…”

 

“No it won't!” I cry loudly, “It never will be okay! I killed Cosmo and I don't deserve anything to be okay for me!”

 

Amy hugged me a little bit tighter at those words, “I know how much you miss her Tails, but you have to let go. Cosmo wouldn't want you to wallow around in misery, would she?”

 

“Yes but… I killed her, blamed Sonic and now… everything's so confusing!” I practically screamed. Amy cradled me in her arms like a baby, and it soothed me, calming me down by quite a lot.

 

“Tails… you both did it for the universe… Cosmo chose that way out… and we all wanted to stop her, believe me…” the girl cooed into my ear.

 

“I know but… I… I… blamed Sonic… and now he hates me… with good reason too…” I cried. At that moment I would give anything for my best friend to just come in and hold me tightly, despite how much Amy might be doing a good job, “I feel like… I hate him yet I want him back…”

 

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want him so much
Wanna fly him away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame

 

“Well, give him a chance to be the friend you once knew… lay all those emotions and Cosmo to rest and move on… it's what she would have wanted…” she told me softly.

 

She's right. Cosmo wouldn't have wanted me to wallow in my own self-pity, like I have been doing since she died. Strange, I loved Cosmo but there was something my best friend gave me… something that made me whole…

 

“Well… I'll see ya later Tails…” Amy said, giving me one last hug, pulling away and kissing my forehead. She left the room, giving me a look which told me everything would be alright.

 

I think. Sonic's broken up with Amy. He told her he loved her and I heard him say it not long after Cosmo's death aboard Blue Typhoon. But I knew he never loved her, he almost admitted it when he couldn't say it to my face. I half-dread and half-hope that it's me he loves. It'd probably explain why he kissed me and made love to me that night.

 

My thoughts land on Sonic and for some reason my heart beats faster as I remembered when he saved me from some robots, and we both defeated them together. I remembered the feeling that flooded through me.

 

The feeling of being able to do anything.

 

That's why I always felt whole when I was with him. Something I never really had with Cosmo, at least not as strong as with Sonic. My brain stopped, `Do I… love him…?'

When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for him what he's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

 

Yes I do. That's probably the reason why I blocked Sonic out, made believe I hated him when I didn't. It was because I wasn't ready to let go of Cosmo and the love I had for her. I'm still not sure I'm ready.

 

“At least I died knowing you loved me…” a voice said, an angelic tone I had heard before but the memory of it had almost gone.

 

I look around the room frantically and my eyes widen as a green plant girl sat on the edge of my bed. I almost cry as I see Cosmo again, sitting there with a smile on her face.

“C-Cosmo…?” I begin to sob, seeing her there.

 

“Yes Tails… please… don't cry for me anymore… what's done is done, it wasn't your fault…”

 

“Cosmo… I love you… please don't go…” I cry, wanting to grab her so badly. I stretch out my hand to meet hers, but find that I made no contact with anything. Cosmo looked at her hand with a sad expression.

 

“Tails… I'll always love you… no matter what happens… so follow your heart… live the way you want to, and find someone who can love you as much as I do…” Cosmo whispered to me, starting to fade away.

“COSMO! DON'T LEAVE!” I scream, trying to force myself off of the bed, but smacking my head against the pillow softly, “COSMO! COSMO!”

 

It was too late. She was gone again. I sob loudly, though my heart was telling me it was alright. Cosmo still loves me. And I still love her. But it's okay to love another and move on.

 

I have to tell Sonic.

 

The doctor enters the room with a shocked expression on his face. He sat down next to me in a hurry and checked up on me. He must've heard my screams. After seeing I was okay, he sighed in relief, settled down and gulped.

 

“I have some bad news for you…”

 

“What?” I asked, mentally preparing myself.

“Well… it's about… the blood transfusion…”

 

“What about it?” I asked curiously.

 

“Well… there's a seventy five percent chance that… your baby could die in the transfusion…” the black dog shuffled nervously.