Twilight Fan Fiction ❯ Forever is a long time to stay away ❯ Indecision ( Chapter 4 )

Chapter 4- Indecision

I stood there for a moment, my hand still on the doorknob my mouth agape.

“Hello, Bella” His musical voice, sounded exactly as I remember it, but somehow my memory didn't quite give him justice.

I tried to slam the door closed, hoping that as it closed it would hit him in the face. When I went to lock to door though, I saw his foot blocking it. I sighed deeply and looked up to glare at him.

“What do you want Edward?” I snapped “have you come to torture me some more?”

At the hurt look on his face, I stopped and looked up at him is that Love in his eyes? Is that possibly guilt? Anger? Is what I thought about Edward... could I possibly have been wrong all along? I stopped when I realized the insanity of what I had just said.

'What am I doing?! Don't you DARE Bella Swan! Don't you dare start to feel sorry for him!!!'

“Did you come here for a reason?” I asked.

“I just wanted to see you before we moved in Bella... I missed you.”

“Yeah well I don't miss you.”

I slammed the door shut, and locked it, thanking god that the room was soundproof so no one would be able to hear my sobs. I put my back to the door and slide down it, put my head in my arms and cried.

Memories of the past filled my mind, memories of Edward and I together, our first kiss, our first date, our first time... every one of those memories that used to mean so much to me, the memories that used to make me laugh and feel good, those same memories are the one's that are ripping me from the inside out. Those same wonderful memories hurt me more then anything else in the whole entire world could. And I knew that from now on whenever I see Edward, this feeling will always be there, and that with everyday that passes the chances of Edward and I getting back together get smaller. I am so confused should I let them live here? If I do would I be able to live with the pain of living with Edward? Or will gradually the great rift that is between us slowly close as more time passes? I still love him... But is love enough? I think I will write to Jacob... and talk to Ali and Lia about it... I don't know I'm just so confused... Oh what to do???

-Bella

I shoved my diary under my bed, and moved to sit at my desk, I took out a sheet of stationary paper and sat down completely stuck on what to write to Jacob.

Dear Jacob,

I have no idea how to write this... You have been there for me for as long as I can remember, and now here I am here asking you again for you help... Edward and the rest of the Cullen's are coming to live with us (but it's my decision on whether or not they can stay.) What should I do Jake? Do you think it would be okay? Edward had just come over an hour ago and my heart seemed to have ripped out of my chest . I am so confused please help me.

-Bella

I reread the letter, it took me a few times but i think I finally got it perfect, (or at least as perfect as a sad letter as this one is can be)

Jacob's POV

Dear Jacob,

You have been there for me for as long as I can remember, countless times I have asked for you help, and countless times you have come to my aid. Without ever asking for anything in return, and now I turn to you as one of my best friends for your help once again. Just a few day's ago, Edward and the Cullen's had come back into my life. What am I going to do Jake? I want them to live here so badly, but I don't want, my feelings for Edward to come back. If the Cullen's live here... I don't know Jake... i really need your help right now (And no prejudice wolf boy!!) you are to tell me as a friend not as a protector... Do you read me Jake? I miss you so much hope everything is going well down at La Push.

-Bella

Bella's POV

Dear Bella,

Bella why do you always put yourself though this pain??? I'll keep my promise Bella I won't be prejudice, but I'm sorry to say your on your own from here, on I have no idea on what to tell you and for that I am truly sorry. Everything is going on well down here though you have to come down here more often Charlie and everyone else all miss you, I hope to see you soon, and make sure you talk to Ali and Lia they probably know what to do better than I do, don't worry Bella everything will work out for the best, just remember you'll always have me if not anyone else till the day I die. Good Luck Bella and keep in touch... and remember I love you...

-Jacob

I smiled at Jacob's letter while it held no advice, it still made me feel happy and loved. Maybe Jacob was right when he said we are meant to be together, maybe he's the person I've been looking for...

'Bella everything will work out for the best, just remember you'll always have me if not anyone else till the day I die. And Remember I love you.... Till the day he dies, so I see I'm not the only one stuck in the past.'

No matter how hard you try to escape it the past will inevitably repeat itself and so the cycle continues till the end of eternity.