Ultimate Muscle Fan Fiction ❯ I Want You Bad ❯ No Hope for Kiki! ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Ultimate Muscle, or any of the characters within this story. No matter how much I wish I did...
Also, I would like to point out that this story will deviate quite far from the original storyline of Ultimate Muscle as it progresses, so expect the unexpected!
Recap: Kid won an impromptu match against Cranky Doodle Craw Daddy, and won Roxanne's love.
Chapter One - No Hope for Kiki!
“Wow Roxanne, we didn't think you'd ever actually hook up with Kid Muscle!” Trixie said, sitting down on the couch next to her friend.
“Me neither!” Roxanne replied, laughing to herself.
“I'm really surprised, Roxanne!” Kiki added, sitting at Roxanne's other side with a bucket of popcorn. “I mean, you normally go for the tough guys. Kid seems like a bit of a coward to me.”
“A bit of a coward?” Roxanne scoffed, turning to look at Kiki. “Kiki, just in case you'd forgotten, you're the one who dates the cowards!”
“We all know Kiki likes to date pencil-necked, effeminate losers, but we're not here to talk about Kiki,” Trixie drawled, causing Kiki to yelp in offence. “We're here to talk about you, Roxanne. You and Kid Muscle.”
“Well, we're having our first official date tomorrow night, so I'll be hitting the mall tomorrow for a new dress,” Roxanne answered.
“Are you girls trying to say that I have bad taste in men?” Kiki asked, frowning as she glanced anxiously between her two friends.
“Just think, Roxanne, you'll finally get to see what Kid Muscle looks like underneath that stupid mask he wears all the time,” Trixie said to Roxanne, ignoring Kiki's question.
“Yeah, I know!” Roxanne replied. “I hope he's cute!”
“I hear Kevin Mask is like totally gorgeous under his mask,” Trixie added. “Apparently he looks just like Nick Hasler.”
“Yeah, totally. I just hope that Kid does take his mask off sometimes,” Roxanne said with a frown of concern. “I mean, every other person from planet Muscle wears one of those ugly masks, except for Kid's mother. Maybe it's like some sort of religious thing, or something. Maybe he can't take it off.”
“How are you meant to kiss him with that thing on his face?”
“I don't know.”
“Hey, are you guys ignoring me deliberately?” Kiki asked, shuffling further towards the edge of the sofa to get a better view of both her friends' faces.
“Well anyway, now that I've got a Chojin boyfriend, what about you girls?” Roxanne continued. “Wouldn't it be cool if we all had boyfriends in the Muscle League?”
“That would be pretty cool, but it's never gonna happen,” Trixie pointed out. “There aren't any Muscle Leaguers soft enough for Kiki.”
“Hey!” Kiki protested, waving her hands above her head.
“What about Dik Dik Van Dik?” Roxanne suggested.
“Dik Dik Van Dik? Kiki can't date him!” Trixie dismissed. “Even though Dik Dik loses every match he's in, and is like a total nature freak, he's still way too much of a tough guy for Kiki.”
“Yeah, I guess you're right,” Roxanne sighed. “What about Wally Tusket then? He's a real pushover.”
“Wally Tusket? Jeez, Roxanne, have you ever gotten close to that guy? He totally stinks of fish!” Trixie replied, holding her nose and sticking out he tongue for effect.
“Guys, do I get a say in this?” Kiki asked.
“You know Trixie, I'm beginning to think there isn't anyone in the entire IWF that's suitable for Kiki,” Roxanne said to Trixie.
“Yeah, it sure seems that way,” Trixie sighed, flopping back to slouch against the back of the couch.
“Guys, maybe I don't want to date anyone from the IWF!” Kiki moaned.
“Well, are we gonna watch some TV or not?” Roxanne asked.
“Oh yeah, of course!” Trixie laughed, sitting forwards again to retrieve the remote.
Trixie switched on the television, and began to skip through the channels, searching for something of interest.
“Guys!” Kiki said, raising her voice above its usual soft, subdued tones. “I was trying to ask you a question!”
“Shh, Kiki, there's an update from the IWF on!” Roxanne warned her, as she and Trixie sat forwards to watch the footage from the Hercules Factory press conference.
Kiki sighed in despair, falling back against the couch, folding her arms in a silent huff. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling, barely listening as Vance McMadd spoke about four new Muscle Leaguers coming to Earth. In Kiki's own opinion, the existing Muscle Leaguers on Earth were all boring anyway, so what difference would four more make?
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“Wow, Roxanne, you always manage to get us front row seats!” Kiki said, as they sat down behind Doc Nakano and Mac Metaphor, facing the stage where the new Muscle Leaguers were to make their debut.
“Kiki, don't be so stupid!” Trixie sighed, rolling her eyes in despair. “Think about it! Ever since Kid Muscle has had his little crush on Roxanne, he's been GIVING her front row tickets!”
Trixie and Roxanne laughed loudly at Kiki's ignorance, but Kiki merely turned her head away from them. Although Kiki was very easygoing and mild-tempered, it really angered her sometimes when Trixie poked fun at her.
Kiki silently resolved to be as disinterested as possible in the forthcoming events. She had never liked wrestling, and had never wanted to go to the IWF matches in the first place; but, as usual, she had been outvoted two to one. She would have infinitely preferred a good girly movie, or a picnic in the park, or even an evening at the amusement park.
But because Trixie and Roxanne liked to watch big, sweaty men throw each other around a wrestling ring, she had to endure it too.
As Vance McMadd introduced the four new members of the Muscle League, known as Generation X, Kiki still refused to turn her head. She began to reflect over all the hours she had passed in the IWF arenas, and all the matches she had witnessed thus far.
She had to admit that, as much as she had disliked wrestling in the past, she had enjoyed some of the more exciting matches she had watched with her two friends. And Trixie and Roxanne had been her best friends since her very first day at school. They were more like sisters to her than friends, and she knew, deep down, that all their teasing was not really intended be hurtful.
Kiki decided that she could not sulk with her friends a moment longer. She hated it when any of them did not speak to each other, and so she started to turn towards them to make amends.
As she turned her head, Kiki caught sight of the four new Muscle Leaguers, briefly noting that this four seemed even more bizarre and unusual than Kid Muscle, Terry Kenyon, Wally Tusket and Dik Dik Van Dik put together.
“Trixie, Roxanne, I'm gonna go get some sodas, you girls want anything?” she asked her friends, as a peace offering.
“Oh Kiki, don't go now!” Roxanne urged, grabbing her arm to stop her. “You'll miss the best part! Generation Ex are about to pick their opponents for the first round match!”
“Oh,” Kiki said, nodding her head. “Then I'll just wait until they're done.”
Kiki turned towards the stage, looking directly at the new Muscle Leaguers for the first time. Just as she had initially thought, this four were, by far, the weirdest members of the Muscle League she had ever seen. One of them was a sort of android made from road signals, one was a humanoid jellyfish with no visible eyes, one was an ordinary man, but he was dressed in unusual clothing, including an overly large, bright green helmet, and the last Chojin was an extremely tall and large-built man, dressed in a beige suit, his features shadowed by a wide-brimmed hat.
“Does anyvon mind if I go first?” the man in the green helmet asked the others.
Kiki turned to Mac Metaphor, listening to his comment on this.
“And Jaeger is up first!” he said. “And he's pushed the yellow button! I wonder who his opponent will be, Doc?”
Kiki turned back to the stage, watching carefully with the rest of the hushed audience as a circular hole opened up in the stage, and the head of a Chojin appeared, rising from the ground. As the spotlights shifted onto the rising platform, Kiki saw that it was Dik Dik Van Dik, carrying a lemon in one hand.
“Dik Dik doesn't stand a chance against Jaeger!” Roxanne muttered to her friends.
“What are you talking about?” Trixie laughed. “Dik Dik never wins any of his matches anyway, regardless of who his opponent is!”
Roxanne laughed out loud, and even Kiki afforded Trixie's remark with a small smile. As the three girls watched on, the giant jellyfish, known as Hydrozoa, pressed the purple button, raising Wally Tusket through the stage, carrying a bunch of purple grapes.
“Of course, Wally never wins a match either...” Trixie muttered.
Next, the tall suited man, called Eskara, pushed the red button, raising Terry Kenyon, who was munching on a red apple, with one hand rested on his hip.
“Now Terry's a different matter altogether!” Trixie cooed, arching an eyebrow at Terry.
“Trixie's got a little crush on Terry,” Roxanne whispered to Kiki.
They exchanged knowing smiles, before turning back as the road signal android, Road Rage, pressed the final button, the platform rising behind him.
“Wow, look at Kid,” Trixie gasped, as Kid Muscle appeared, looking stern and determined, a watermelon hooked under one arm. “I guess love must be good for his career, Roxanne, he looks so tough!”
“Yeah, Kid's turning over a new leaf,” Roxanne agreed. “From now on he... Oh my God, is he pissing himself?”
The three girls stared in horror as they realised that Kid Muscle was, in spite of his hardened outwards appearance, urinating into his tights. Road Rage and Kid began to argue, and Roxanne and Trixie began to debate the root of Kid's incontinence; but Kiki's attentions were happily preoccupied elsewhere. Although she couldn't explain why, she was suddenly unable to take her eyes off of the one person no-one else in the arena was paying any attention to right at that moment.
Next Chapter: In the next chapter, Terry has a crazy plan and Meat gets mad! Chapter 2 - Terry's Crazy Plan.