Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Asturia: Love and Duty ❯ ch 11 ( Chapter 11 )

AN: text within ** are flashbacks

Forget about him. Easier said than done.

Eries was by nature practical and realistic. She mentally ticked off the various reasons why she should take no further interest in Allen Schezar. He was beneath her in rank. The shadow of Leon Schezar still cast a stigma over his family's name. He had had an affair with her sister. He had a Playboy reputation. He had a history of being unable to cope with loss and had left Palas (again) for that very reason. She should be relieved, glad even, that he had left when he had.

She wasn't.

So as time passed, and days lengthened into weeks, she remained painfully aware of his absence.

This was so unlike her. She had always been able to keep some measure of control over her emotions. It wasn't as if he were the first male to pique her attention. But then again, she had never allowed herself to become so deeply involved before. Various things would trigger unbidden memories. The sight of the ocean was enough to send her back to that sail with Allen by her side. The sound of leaves rustling in the breeze, and she would remember falling, falling and being caught securely in his arms. Once, she was on her way to a merchant's meeting with Annette and George when they happened upon Lady Alexandra. She was out on a walk with Oski. The swamps were not a place for pets so Allen had given him to Lady Alexandra. While her companions chatted with Lady Alexandra, Eries quietly regarded Oski. Lady Alexandra took note of Eries' melancholy and had spoken comforting words to her. Luckily for Eries, Alexandra had assumed that Oski was a reminder of Serena, not Allen.

She was now in uncharted territory, and it frustrated and frightened her. At times, she wanted to cry out for help, but there seemed to be no one she could turn to. The situation was too complicated for her to unburden her cares off just anyone. Whom she chose to cast her affections upon had implications, not just for herself personally, but for the entire kingdom. A single carelessly uttered word had the potential for serious consequences. This was the sort of matter that she would only have entrusted to family. Unfortunately, her only choices were her father and Sid. Her father was just about the last person she wanted to confide in. She briefly considered confiding in Sid. Though he was mature for his age, he was still a child. In addition, she was reluctant to share this matter with Sid because of the hidden relationship between him and Allen. There was always the slim possibility that Eries might let slip mention of Allen's relationship with Marlene. She couldn't take that chance for all parties involved. Her inability to speak freely concerning the various aspects of Allen's past was yet another complication in confiding to someone.

Perhaps Hitomi....Eries did not know for certain, but she guessed that Hitomi knew most of the key pieces of Allen's past. After all, she had spent a great deal of time in close company with Allen, and their relationship HAD gotten to the point that Allen had proposed to her. Not to mention, Hitomi's powers of perception were unusually keen thanks to her "gift". Though at first Eries had not known what to make of the strange girl with the scandalously short skirt accompanying Allen Schezar and the fugitive king of Fanelia, the two had warmed up considerably to each other during those months caring for Serena together. Upon Hitomi's return to Gaia, the two women corresponded on a regular basis.

Eries knew Hitomi was trustworthy. Still, she was hesitant. Partially because Eries was not accustomed to talking about such things, partially because it felt odd to be discussing such thoughts with someone who was not a member of the family. Eries had finally made up her mind to quit vacillating and write to her friend when she received the letter from Merle.

Merle was writing in Hitomi's place. She wanted to apologize for not responding to Eries' last three letters. Hitomi was having a difficult time. Unlike most expectant mothers whose nausea eased somewhat by the second trimester, Hitomi's discomfort had intensified alarmingly as her pregnancy progressed. She was confined to bed rest and now was too weak to protest her limitations as she had earlier. There was concern whether or not she would be able to carry the pregnancy to term.

Eries could read the worries, written and unwritten, in the cat-girl's letter. Hitomi had much more serious problems of her own to deal with without Eries adding to them. So, in the end, she sent a letter of encouragement to her friends along with some medicinal teas recommended by the palace physicians to strengthen Hitomi and ease her symptoms.

Without that outlet, she tried a different tactic: escape.

But her former route of escape was no longer the sanctuary it once was. Ironic, she thought, that a place of final rest should be the backdrop for so many events. If not for her well-established routine, she would have avoided the place altogether. Eries now only went on Prayer Days and her visits were purely for appearances sake.

Being there never failed to bring an ache to her heart so she would stay there briefly as possible.

She tried to escape into her work instead. It was not difficult; there were always tasks that needed to be done. Tariffs, road reconstruction, grain production, water supplies and sanitation, it didn't matter--she took it on. Anything to keep her mind occupied. And from drifting to where it would inevitably drift to.

She learned how to drain herself by going from meeting to inspections to briefings to appointments in a whirlwind manner. And when she was completely exhausted in every way, she could thankfully drop into a deep dreamless sleep before the next day's rush of events.

Eries' workload was always sizable, but eventually, her court members began to raise their eyebrows at the share she would allocate to herself . After the seventh morning they found her in her study sleeping, having dozed off on top of her papers the night before, they became increasingly vocal about reducing her workload. Not wanting to arouse suspicion that anything was amiss, she acquiesced.

Having mandatory leisure time imposed upon her, Eries sought other means of escape that would not draw attention to herself. She tried to distract herself in the palace libraries. After the day's work was completed, she would pore over stacks of huge, dusty tomes. But sometimes, reading text on paper without any real purpose other than diversion just was not enough to keep her preoccupied.

As an odd outcome of her circumstances, Eries wound up spending more time than she ever had with her father. Before, their paths only crossed in the midst of government business. After his first stroke diminished his role in ruling the kingdom, Eries spent the obligatory dinner hour, physician consultations, and medical emergencies with him. Other than that, she spared no additional attention to this man whom she felt was father by blood only. This lack of father-child bond was further compounded by her father's emotional state. His strokes had caused him to become increasingly impatient, short-tempered, and emotional. His difficult personality was a trial for all of his caregivers.

But what had been a burden before, Eries now found a diversion. Her father demanded her complete attention when she was in his presence, and now she was only too willing to give it. As he complained about the incompetence of his caregivers and physicians, the food, his physical ailments and limitations, Eries felt that she had been given charge of an overly spoiled child. When he was not complaining, he would order Eries to fill him in on government details and business. If he did not agree with her decisions, he did not mince words with his criticisms.

Gradually, Eries noticed a change as her father realized the extra time that she was spending with him was more regular than not. Their conversations, previously only limited to affairs of state and his health, branched out to other topics. Occasionally, he would ask Eries what she was currently reading and have her read aloud to him. Granted, none of the conversations were very deep or personal, but there was an additional dimension added to their relationship, where none existed before.

Although he would have been the last to admit it, Eries could tell that he greatly enjoyed and looked forward to the additional hours she spent with him. She sometimes wondered what his reaction would be if he knew the actual reason for their additional time together. As for Eries, although she still viewed Aston as king first, then a man, then as father, she did grow to understand him better. An upgrade from near stranger to acquaintance, if you will.

However, because of Aston's weakened health, he would often tire before Eries would, despite the fact that Eries usually saw him after an intense full day of work. Typically, Eries would be describing some projects or meeting or problem to Aston and pause only to realize that he had fallen asleep minutes before. If she were lucky, she would be exhausted by that time and already have passed the threshold where she could throw herself onto her bed and immediately fall into a deep dreamless slumber. If not, she would go to bed only to be visited by thoughts and images of a certain blue-eyed man who, despite her denials, had indeed stolen her heart...

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Hime-sama," Annette called from the doorway.

"Almost ready." Eries let out an audible sigh as she gathered up the notes in front of her and tidied the pages. She rose to leave to find herself eye to eye with Annette. Eries nearly fell back in surprise. Annette had moved from the door without Eries noticing and was now looking at her with a discerning air.

"You don't seem well." Annette was always one to be blunt. But she was also concerned.

"It's the heat." Eries dabbed her forehead with her handkerchief for emphasis. Annette nodded and fell into step besides Eries as they left her study and exited the building.

Though it was summer's end, Palas was in the middle of the worst heat wave in memory. The weather during the summer was usually comfortable, but the citizens were used to having strings of days where the heat made things unpleasant.

_This_was not just unpleasant.

_This_was insufferable.

The heat was compounded by an unusual level of humidity. A seemingly perpetual haze hung in the air. There had been at least a score of heat related deaths during the heat wave's week-long duration. Eries had lost count of how many people had fainted at the palace. Things had gotten so bad that all activity stopped between sunrise and sunset. Even after the sun was out of the sky, the heat and humidity continued to sap everyone's strength as they tried to function under cover of darkness. Clouds would sometimes gather, hinting at a possibility of rain, but so far they had been nothing more than a tease.

The sun had just set, and their figures cast long shadows as they crossed a courtyard and entered another building. There was barely anyone stirring and activity was just starting to pick up.

Despite the heat, Eries was wearing formal dress, replete with tight sleeves and high collar. Annette wasn't faring much better in her brown merchant's robes. Her normally tight brown curls were nearly straight.. Ridiculous as it was, it made a statement. One that declared that Eries was not one to be impacted by trifles such as inclement weather. And such statements were important in this meeting they were heading towards.

Halfway up the wine carpeted stairs to the Council's chambers, Annette stopped her. "Hime-sama?"

"Yes?"

Although the heat was truly unrelenting, what Eries had told Annette was just an excuse. She had dealt with far worse in Freid and Chingre. Something else weighed more heavily on her heart the heat ever could on her body.

"We can postpone this, if you don't feel up to it."

Eries shook her head. "No, I've already done that once. If we moved this meeting again, Meiden Fassa will have a conniption and the Council will have my head. Best to get this over with."

"Yes, Hime-sama." Annette replied. Although she did not appear completely convinced, she made no more comments as they proceeded towards their destination.

Eries' gaze had been steady and her voice even when she spoke to Annette; she was the picture of tranquility. Inwardly however, she wanted to say to her, "Yes! Yes! Go, tell them that this meeting is canceled! Indefinitely!" Just blurt out the words and run and hide in her rooms.

After Allen's departure, Eries had attacked all of her work with gusto. With one exception: the selection of her Prince Consort. Before she had considered it a matter as administrative and governmental as dealing with the renegade ex-Zaibach soldiers that plagued most of Zaibach's neighbors since its fall or trade negotiations with Basram. Now, that level of detachment was gone. Whenever she revisited the matter on her own and her mind attempted to work out the decision in cold, logical terms, something inside would scream at her:

How can you be so indifferent! It's wrong! Unfair! Unjust!

Her heart and her mind would lock into all out combat. Minutes would slip by and Eries would accomplish nothing. All her attempts to grapple the matter would be frustrated.

And she would be reminded of him.

Eries couldn't stand it. So she did something totally out of character: she procrastinated. It was cowardly and she despised herself for it, but she couldn't face it, she just couldn't.

She deliberately scheduled a visit out of the capitol to coincide with the day she had agreed to meet with the Council to discuss the selection of her consort. She had Charity cancel the meeting and had intended to delay rescheduling the new meeting. She just needed time...just a little more time, to forget and to regain her focus. However, the Council had been more than just disgruntled by the cancellation. They came after her like a pack of rabid dogs, badgering her at every chance they got. The accused her of being irresponsible, heedless to the needs of her kingdom. Unfortunately for Eries, their statements echoed the ones her brain was screaming at her. Finally, after a rather ferocious encounter with Meiden Fassa, Minister Jorel, and Lord Dumas, she gave in. to make things worse, Meiden had made his displeasure known to King Aston and had convinced the king that, in the interest of his kingdom, it was best that Eries was married off sooner than later. In other words, instead of merely discussing candidates and narrowing down the list, they were going to make their selection that day.

So now, accompanied by Annette and armed with sheets of information compiled by her court, Eries was about to enter a debate to determine the selection of her future husband.

"Ready?" whispered Annette as they neared their destination. Eries let out her breath slowly and gave the slightest of nods.

They stopped before the carved, dark double doors of the Council chambers. The two palace guards standing at attention saluted the two ladies and opened the doors. Annette and Eries entered, and the doors closed silently behind them.

The blue, velvet curtains were pushed back, and the high windows of the room were thrown wide. However, the room still felt like a plush blue and purple upholstered oven. Though the ladies were slightly early, they were the last to arrive. The Council members, already seated at the round table they used for conferences, were doing their best to appear oblivious to the heat. Quite a feat considering the velvet doublets worn by the majority of the members. Meiden Fassa's merchant's robes were visibly darkened by damp spots and his fez looked plastered his head. Surprisingly enough, the only one not terribly distressed by the heat was King Aston. He had lost most of his excess bulk over the last year of his illness and had complained of cold over the winter and spring.Clad in a thin dressing gown, Aston seemed to be the most comfortable person in the room. A chaise lounge had been brought in for his use, and he was settling into the lounge with the assistance of his caretakers.

The two ladies joined the Council members at the table. As soon as Aston had dismissed his caretakers, she initiated the meeting. "Shall we begin?"

"Yes, this has been postponed far too long, Highness."

Meiden Fassa's tone irked Eries, but she maintained her composure. "This is going to be a long meeting," she thought. She gestured to Annette.

Annette walked up to the huge slate mounted on one of the walls. In bold strokes she listed five names.

Five names. Earlier that year, Eries and her court had selected those names, when signs were evident that discussions of a consort were imminent. Operation "Dump Dryden" as George had laughingly dubbed it. Despite the joke, they knew it was serious business and they did a thorough job. Over the span of two days, they had brainstormed, throwing out possible names for candidates. They weighed them on factors such as social standing, talents, judgment, experience, leadership ability, health; compiled their strengths and weaknesses; and narrowed them down. That did not mean that they did not maintain a level of lightness. Every now and then, they would poke fun at certain prospective pairings and George would make the occasional outrageous suggestion that had everyone either groaning or guffawing. Nor did that mean that they did not also take into consideration potential chemistry with Eries with their selections. But throughout the entire discussion, Allen's name had not been mentioned once.

It seemed like an eternity ago that she was able to broach this subject with either levity or objectivity. She and her court had convened three days ago in order to prepare for this meeting. During their earlier meeting, Allen had not once crossed Eries' mind. This was no longer the case. It had taken every ounce of Eries' concentration NOT to think of Allen, and to stay focused on the information regarding the men she was about to endorse. And, she had not smiled once.

"These are the candidates endorsed by Princess Eries," said Annette, her vibrant, contralto voice filling the room. "If there are any others the Council wishes to propose, please declare them now."

Meiden motioned to speak. "I move to propose Dryden Fassa." Annette added his name to the list.

"Any others?"

Silence.

[Soundtrack 2, track nine, Shadow of Doubt]

Eries' instincts raised a warning. It was unusual that none of the other Council members were suggesting additional candidates. Especially Lord Kestrel, Minister Kim, and Lord Julian, who had either sons or wards eligible for marriage. And it was not as if they were unambitious or reserved either. They had not obtained a seat on the Council for nothing. Meiden definitely had the entire Council in his pocket if Dryden was the only candidate they were putting forth.

Annette repeated the question. When no one responded, the list was closed to the addition of any more names.

The discussion began. As the sky darkened and clouds gathered outside, the tensions within the room increased. One at a time, the qualifications of each candidate was mooted with Annette tabulating their comments on the slate as the discussion progressed. Three out of Eries' five candidates had some tie to the Council. One was an in-law to a Council member, one had ties to the estates of half the Council, and one was involved with business ventures with at least three members. Eries' court had anticipated some support for these candidates. They were wrong. Although the candidates' associates did not say anything to oppose them, neither did they advocate them. They simply sat out that portion of the discussion. However, the remainder of the Council more than made up for their silence.

Eries found herself on the defensive. Their comments and criticisms, whether substantiated or not, all conveyed the underlying message that the Council deemed Eries' selections unworthy and a waste of their time. It was little wonder when they began discussion of the merits of the final candidate, Dryden, he had the overwhelming support of the entire Council.

It looks as if they've already made up their minds, thought Eries sourly.

Eries waited for a break in the discussion and spoke. "Yes, that is all true, but you've forgotten something. A very important point. Dryden will not want anything to do with such a proposal. You all remember what his relationship with Millerna was like and what happened after she died and how he has been since. Qualified or not, he will not be open to marriage now. Even given time, I doubt he will ever agree to this particular match."

Meiden stood suddenly, almost knocking his chair over in the process. He slammed his hands on the tabletop. "I will vouch for my son!" he roared. "He knows his responsibility to his family and his country. On our family's name, he will honor my decisions!"

The debate flared up. Granted, Dryden had a number of things in his favor, including his performance during the war. However, his qualifications weren't so outstanding as to eliminate the field. But Eries was having trouble holding her own in the discussion. She glanced surreptitiously over at Annette. Eries knew that she was itching to argue on her behalf, but in this meeting she was only there in the capacity of a scribe and not allowed to participate.Annette was anxious. It was not obvious, but Eries could tell. The normally animated Annette had her hands clasped tightly before her, something she only did when she was genuinely worried.

These were going horribly. Worse than horribly. Why? It wasn't as if she had not been up against the entire council before. Why was it so difficult for her to make the case for her candidates?

A sudden realization struck Eries in the midst of the tumult. The reason why she had been successful before was because she actually cared about, believed in what she was fighting for. She looked at the slate. The names there meant nothing to her. They might have before, when what she desired with a consort who was beneficial to the kingdom and_NOT_Dryden. But now, what she wanted, the person she would truly advocate with every fiber of her being was..

No. That was not an option. Don't even go there. She focused back in on the discussion. Things had degenerated into a kind of shouting match. The members were arguing in turn, each man picking up where the other left off. The worst part was that statements they made were some of the self same ones she had used with Millerna when trying to convince her to come to terms with her betrothal to Dryden.

The oppressive heat-- the oppressive atmosphere-- the oppressive situation suddenly took its toll on Eries.

Millerna. "Why did she have to die?" she thought bitterly. The angry voices around her were tuned out to a background drone as she sank deeper into her own thoughts.

Dryden and Millerna. They would have been perfect together. A memory flashed into her mind: Dryden whirling Millerna about in the air and holding her close for a kiss in the Fanelian royal gardens. She remembered that. And the questions their happiness had sparked.

*What do I want? What is best for me? What is best for Asturia? Does it matter? Does anyone care?*

She looked around the table and saw only hard, cold eyes. She looked at her father. He was observing the scene before him with something like a frustrated scowl .

And she remembered...the lack of emotion in Allen's voice as he brushed aside Eries' entreaties to stay. He had not gone after her when she ran away. He had left without another word. No response to her letter. She had had no communication with him since that day.

Does anyone care?

Does ANYONE care?

Apparently not. For her at any rate.

What did that leave her with?

Asturia.

Duty.

Allen was beyond her reach. Anyone else offered to her was simply someone who was not the one she truly wanted. And in a sense, all equally so. Even Dryden.

Meiden slammed his hands on the table a second time, bringing Eries back to the present. "Princess! Say something!"

King Aston spoke for the first time in the entire discussion. "Daughter," he boomed. It was not the voice of the complaining invalid Eries had grown accustomed to hearing. It was his voice of old: commanding, authoritative, arrogant. "Speak. We require your answer."

Eries made up her mind. Her instincts screamed against her decision, but she ignored it. She had no choice. No way out.

Her eyes narrowed. Her brow furrowed. She stood to deliver her answer. As if on cue, the cloudburst all of Palas had been praying for came. Over the sound of the sudden rain, she spoke, her voice clear, regal, steady.

[End music]

"I consent to marry Dryden Fassa."

-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

The meeting adjourned soon afterwards. Meiden wanted to continue, but the rest of the council had had enough. Besides, they had what they needed. The remaining details could be worked out at a later time.

After announcing her intentions to marry Dryden, Eries fell into a daze. She was deaf to the self-congratulatory applause and comments that followed after. Force of habit more than anything else carried her through the close of the meeting. As she exited the room like a sleepwalker, she felt someone grab her arm firmly. Not thinking, not noticing, not caring who it was or where she was going, she let herself be dragged along and out into the rain. It barely registered when they stopped and her arm was released.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

The words were like a slap to her face. She blinked. She was back in her study. The room was dimly lit by a pair of candles. And in front of her was...

"A-Annette?" Annette was drenched, and Eries suddenly realized that she was sopping as well. Annette had thrown off her robe and stood akimbo in her short-sleeved, square-necked white tunic and rain-splattered brown skirt. Annette was furious.

"Hime-sama, what is the matter with you? I've seen you argue over floor patterns with more passion than today!"

Eries didn't need this. She was tired of fighting, tired of futility. "It doesn't matter," she said dully. "What's done is done. Thank you for your efforts and your concern, but I'd like to be alone now."

Annette did not budge. Eries dismissed her a second time, but Annette shook her head. Tired and exasperated, Eries snapped. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

Annette's voice was firm. "No, Hime-sama. I can't let you alone. You are my princess, but more importantly you are my friend, and I care about you."

**"Can't you just leave me alone!"* *

** "No, Sid, I can't let you alone..."**

My, how the roles had changed. "Can't even follow your own advice, can you?" she thought to herself with contempt, as she remembered what she had told Sid.

This was pitiful. Pathetic. Eries began to feel a little hysterical. Check that. She WAS hysterical. Before she knew what was happening, she began laughing uncontrollably. Or perhaps it was crying. Or maybe it was both. Laughing at the cruel joke that was her life. Weeping for what she was about to do to herself and Dryden.

From Annette's expression, Eries could tell that she was more than a little shocked and confused. And there was fear in her widened eyes as well. Eries didn't blame her. After all, Annette was witnessing the disintegration of the rock that was her leader before her eyes. Unfortunately, there was nothing Eries could do to control herself or reassure Annette at the moment.

It became difficult to breathe. Eries crumpled onto a divan and remained there, gasping, until the fit had passed.

When it was over, Eries covered her face with her hands, took a deep breath, and let it out with a groan. She rolled over such that she was reclining with the cushions of the divan supporting her back and neck,with her feet on the floor. She patted the spot next to her. In a moment, Annette was seated next her. For a few minutes, the women remained still: Annette sitting upright, staring out the window; Eries sprawled on her back, staring at the ceiling.

At length, Eries broke the silence. "I'm not insane," she said slowly. "It's just everything around me that's insane."

Another minute passed.

[soundtrack 3, track 6, Perfect World]

"You're in love with someone. Aren't you?" Annette said quietly without looking at Eries.

Somehow, hearing the words spoken by someone else suddenly made it real. It was not something she could deny to herself anymore.

I am in love with Allen, she thought.

Eries did not respond to Annette. But her silence was an answer in itself. She closed her eyes.

Annette continued. "I don't know who he is, but I know you. And I know you would never love anyone who did not share your beliefs or who was not a person of integrity."

Eries sighed. "How--?"

"Woman's intuition? I don't know…It was just a hunch, a suspicion. You honestly have been acting peculiar lately and since we interact so much I was bound to notice."

"Charity probably also knows as well. She's fairly sensitive to these things, but she would be the last ever to bring it up. And if I've noticed, George is sure to figure it out sooner or later. Reina really is a bright girl, but she is naive when it comes to these things. I doubt she'll be able to figure it out on her own. And August, well, you know that man has a sensitivity of the stone."

"Hime-sama, it's not too late," said Annette, as Eries sat up and turned to face her. "Think about it. We can make a case for him--" The expression of despair on Eries' face stopped Annette in midsentence.

Eries shook her head sadly. "No, it can't be. It was never meant to be. If it is necessary for me to wed Dryden for the good of Asturia, so be it."

"No." Annette took Eries by the shoulders. Her voice was not loud, but her words carried a force all their own. "I will stand by your decisions. I always have, always will. But I need to say this. It's not my place, but I can't just stand by and say nothing while two people I care about go forward and ruin themselves out of a sense of misplaced duty."

"This is a mistake. No matter what people say. If you do this, you condemn yourself to a lifetime with someone you're better off without and a lifetime apart from the one you want. You condemn Dryden to a marriage and a role he's not ready for. And you introduce an element of discord into the kingdom where there once was none. Yes, it's true, maybe you can make things work out. But the way things are, that will take years, at best. And there's a lot of damage that can happen during those years."

Annette's brown eyes searched Eries' blue ones as she spoke, and she saw nothing there but sadness and pain and fear.

Annette released Eries, but her eyes remain locked on hers. "We've been together too long for you not to know me and my loyalty to you. I swear I will not tell a soul about what has passed between us in this room. Just please, please, for your own sake and for Dryden's, please reconsider."

"And," she said taking Eries' hands in her own, "if you ever need to talk to someone--in confidence-- I'm willing to listen. And to help. Any way I can."

Part of Eries wanted to take Annette up on her offer that moment and let go of the burden that she had been carrying alone for so many months. But she wasn't quite ready. Not just yet. Still, her burden was lightened somewhat. Part of her was oddly relieved that someone else knew and was willing to take her side.

Eries reached out to embrace the older woman.

"Thank you."

-=-=-=-=-=

*ARGH*---chapter bloat...

Next up: Dryden returns