Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Three Sides to the Coin ❯ Don't Kill the Moment ( Chapter 4 )

Title : Three Sides to the Coin

Part : four / seven

Part Title : Don't Kill the Moment (There's One in Every Fic)

Authour : ~sushisama~ (sbolce@esper.com)

Warnings : Can I stop putting this up here yet? *whine*

Disclaimer : *points upward*

Notes : I shall go ahead and tell you all this - I am not fond of this chapter at all. However, I am currently clueless as to where I want to go with this story, so I decided to take some time off and write a POV fic. But ohwell. On with the story.

/ / = thoughts [ ] = dreams ( ) = flashbacks

::*~~*::

I shift around uncomfortably in my bed, finding it near impossible to go to sleep. I can't seem to stop thinking about him. Why? Ever since I was with him three nights ago, I can't get him out of my head. I'm going through my days in a daze, everything a done out of routine. Being around all this familiar people suddenly seems so foreign to me..
It wasn't supposed to mean anything. It was to relieve stress, that was it. And that's what it did. But... something else was hit. I want more of him, need more of him.
Hitomi keeps asking me if I'm okay. I want to apologize to her, for leading her on... But I couldn't, for some reason. I really do want her... or, at least, did want her. I don't regret kissing her, I've been wanting to do it for a while. But now that I have, there's nothing thrilling about it.
I wasn't thinking of fucking her after kissing her, no. That isn't me - I wouldn't fuck someone just because of one kiss. I think of myself as more of a romantic than that. I did want it to eventually get there, though. I don't think of her as a piece of meat you have to romance or anything, it's just... I don't know. Would blaming it on hormones make a good enough excuse?
Dilandau, though... something was horribly right about fucking him, in that wrong sort of sense. Does that make any sense? It was wrong because we were enemies. But, if it weren't for this war, battling for our lives all the time, it wouldn't be wrong then, right? There wouldn't be any fun in it, though. There's no fun without the idea of getting caught.
Getting caught... is that what I want? For someone to find this out? As odd as it may sound, I think the danger in the entire situation is what thrills me the most about it. I find myself aroused just at the thought of doing it again...
I can't take this anymore. I just want to be with him again. I'm going to burn in Hell for this, but it can't be helped. I get up out of bed and find my shirt and slide it on. It's the dead of night, I'm reassuring myself, no one will notice I've left.
I take my sword that rests next to the door of my room. In case someone sneaks up on me, I give the excuse to my mind. I really just don't want the humiliation of being caught off guard again.
I leave my room quietly, making my way down the long winding stairs, to the outside. I don't know if I'll be lucky enough to run into him again, but my hopes are high...

::*~~*::

The days have gone by, boring as ever. I can't help but feel a little better with myself, though... Not only have I been sated (for the time being, at least), but I also feel that things have taken a step in the right direction with Folken. I would have never guessed the Strategos was such a hopeless romantic (a/n, yes, I do love this term for him^_^), but it's something I can play on.
Though I enjoyed the rump with the Dragon, I still can't help but feel a little bad about it.
/ But, / I began to myself, repeating the same excuse I've used for days now, / it's his fault for waiting so long. I told him I wouldn't wait forever. He knows how impatient I can get... /
I bite down on my pinky nervously, staring into the wall across from the chair I sit in blankly. I was impatient, yes... But what was I being impatient for? To have sex? Or to have sex with Folken? The situation confused me... I know I want to get laid, but by a specific person?
I sigh heavily. "Why can't things ever be easy?" I ask to no one.
I want to know why he's so fickle. Why one moment he'll be kissing, about to take the next step, only to push me away with his lame excuses the next. I'm starting to wonder if I'm even getting closer to him at all.
There's a way to find that out...
I stand from my chair and just be still for a moment. I think of what I'm going to do and say, nodding to myself when I feel I've got it in order in my mind. I exit my room quietly and head towards Folken's, a sly smile on my face.
When I got to his door I stood still once more, again composing myself. When I felt confident enough, I placed my hand on the knob and turned it, poking my head into the room. I looked at the sleeping form in the bed, smiling to myself. I slipped quietly into the room, closing the door gently behind me.
Nothing like the first time. I'm not going to stand at the side of his bed, waiting for him to wake up. I'm not going to let it escalate to the point it did then. No, no... if he wants something sweeter, then I'll give him something sweeter.
When I get to the edge of the bed, I do pause for a moment, just to admire him. He is beautiful... I shake my head as the sappy thoughts run into me. / No, I will not turn into a piece of fluff like he has. The only reason I'm doing this is to have him. The only reason I'll ever do something like this... /
I shove the little part of my mind that told me I was lying to myself out of the way, feeling it a distraction. No, not a distraction, I didn't want to disgrace the word that I had come to recently love. It was just bothersome.

Before I could let my mind have any further discussion on my recent thoughts and feelings, I lifted up the covers and slid in next to the sleeping commander. He's on his back, so it's more than easy for me to curl into his side, laying my head the junction of his shoulder and collar. I snuggle into him, glad that I'm not on his right side (or his prosthetic arm, for that matter), a content smile playing on my lips.
I feel like I did a few nights ago, comfortable to be so close to him. He was right - it was better to just be held than to do anything sexual. I hate to admit that, though... As good as this feels, I still want to fuck him. For me, this whole thing is about sex.
At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
He's so warm... I've noticed it before, but it didn't seem as important then. Maybe because I wasn't trying to stay still, I was too busy wanting to rip off his clothes... He's comfortable, too. I noticed that last time, but, as I said, it didn't seem as important as it does now.
Again, I shove out any thoughts of there being another meaning to all this away. I'll just live in this moment, being here, so close to his warmth and comfortable against his side. The consequences of what this might mean can come later. Much later.
I hear him grumble a bit in his sleep and his hand comes up, as if in reflex, to touch his face. There's a little problem with that, though - where I am prevents him from much movement with his left arm. He lazily opens his eyes and looks down at me, sleep clinging to him still, from the dazed look on his face.
"Dilandau...?" he whispers, his voice rugged from sleep.
I smile to him, whispering back, "Yeah, Folken?" I get a little closer to him, as though I belong here, in his bed. Hell, I should belong here, after all...
"Why are you in my bed?" Folken says sleepily, though he makes no motion to remove me.
I snicker a bit. "Do you mind that I'm in your bed, Strategos?" I taunt.
He's silent for a moment, which bothers me. He has his stoic façade in place even, and I suddenly feel like he doesn't want me here at all. I start to think I should just get up, and almost make the motion to do so, when his arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me practically on top of him.
Well, I suppose he doesn't mind my being in his bed. I grin happily, adjusting myself a little to make myself more comfortable and lay my cheek over his heart, placing one of my hands on his chest. His skin's so smooth... I curse myself for thinking sappy thoughts again.
"What possessed you to come here this time, Dilandau?" Folken whispers to me, his breath a gentle breeze to my ear. I listen to his heart beat some before answering.
"I don't know, really..." And I was being honest, it was a rather spontaneous thing. "I just felt like seeing you. Hope you don't mind..."
"I don't mind at all..." His fingers start to play with my hair. That feels nice... "Sleep well, Dilandau." He kisses the top of my head affectionately.
I smile and rub my cheek almost loving into his chest, like I'm trying to get comfortable. "I will, Folken, I will..."

I don't think I've ever slept better in my entire life. I was warm, comfortable, and there was something emotional about the whole thing that made it ten times better, though I wasn't about to admit it to Folken. He's changed me so much...
When I woke up, I didn't want to move. I felt as though this was my place, I had a right to be here more than anyone else. I wasn't about to get up.
"You know, Dilandau," Folken said softly (obviously he was awake now, too), "we do have to get up sooner or later."
"Later sounds good to me," I said stubbornly, losing myself in his embrace.
"It sounds appealing to me as well, but..."
"Don't kill the moment, Folken," I whispered to him in a gentle voice. It was a sappy thing to say, and especially sounded odd coming from me, but I felt like it had to be said.
Folken snickered at my comment, apparently thinking it was an unusual thing for me to say as well. "A little longer, then..." His hand rubbed my back in small circles, receiving a purr from me.
I lay there for long enough, my back being rubbed, stroking his chest with my fingers. I think about how this is what I always imagined 'lovers' would be like. Not people who just want a good rump, but actual lovers. I'm thinking too much again... As much as I hate to break the mood, I need to show him that I'm still in this not for the romance but for the physical reasons.
I prop myself up on my hands and throw my leg over his hips so I'm straddling him. I look down into his eyes, a grin on my face, pushing aside the fact that he looks somewhat disappointed. Does he think I'm going to demand anything from him? I'll just have to show him that I'm not, then...
I crawl up the length of his body so our eyes are perfectly level with one another's. I dip my head down and gently press my lips against his, in a gesture that's almost become familiar to me, though I think we've only actually kissed - I mean, really kissed - four times since this all began.
He responds instantly, wrapping his arms around my back and pulling me closer to him, his mouth opening so our tongues can play with each other. The metal of his right arm sends a chill down my spine that's almost thrilling. I sink into his arms, losing myself in our kiss. I'm trying to keep it gentle so he doesn't think I've any other intent, but I have to fight back the urge to be as rough kissing him as I was with his brother.
His brother... Oh, Gods, the thought sickens me. I pull back and stare into his eyes, hoping he doesn't notice my change in thoughts. I have to put that away, I have to forget about what I did to Van, I have to concentrate on Folken...
Some things are easier said than done. My mind keeps drifting back to that night in the woods, how I wish I had stayed behind, and I reprimand myself for having ever thought of the whole 'jealousy' thing to begin with.
"Dilandau?" Folken says in that low, smooth, wonderful voice of his, touching my cheek with his flesh hand. His eyes look worried. "What's wrong?"
"I..." I don't know what to tell him. 'Hey, I'm sorry that I fucked your brother. I hope that changes nothing between us.' God, that sounds so awful, and would probably sound worse if I said it aloud. So I just stay silent, still hovering above him and looking into his dark eyes.
Folken then kisses me again, an unusual smile on his face. I wasn't exactly expecting him to, but I fade into the kiss just the same. It's not as long as the last one, but I don't mind. My mind's wondering again and it's starting to bug me...
When we part again, he looks like he has something serious to say. Have I already done something wrong? Maybe he just decided not to do anything after all... Is he going to send me away like all those other times?
"Why?" he asks almost too quietly for my liking.
"Why what, Folken?" I ask sincerely. His question was sort of random, after all, and I hadn't a clue what he was referring to.
He bit his lower lip, like he was reconsidering his question. He then shook his head, his flesh hand playing with some of my hair. "No, forget it..."
"No, Folken," I growl, grabbing his hand. I lace my fingers with his and stare harshly down into his eyes. "I'm tired of 'forgetting' it. I'm sick of your not telling me anything!" My grip tightens. "Tell me what it is. Stop leaving me in the dark all the time. Say that I won't understand all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to understand."
The Strategos fell silent, staring up at me with hollow eyes. How could his demeanor change so quickly? Quit it, Folken, at least have sadness in your eyes.. I'd rather you be a hopeless romantic than you not having any emotion at all.
He nodded hesitantly then. "You deserve to know," he confessed. "As well as understand. But..." I gave him a dirty look, not wanting to be thrown off again. He smirked then. "Don't kill the moment, Dilandau. Having me ask you questions would ruin this." He untangles his fingers from mine and guides my palm to rest against his cheek. His eyes show some hope, which I'm thankful for.
I sigh heavily, hating my questions not being answered, but he had a point - this moment was too perfect to ruin. It wasn't going to end with one of us walking out on the other, Folken demanding I leave him alone, or on terms where tension could only raise. No, if it was going to end - which I wish it didn't have to, but I knew better - it would end with a whispered 'goodbye' and a kiss as I went back to my room to get ready for the day.
No, I wasn't going to ruin this. We only had one moment so far that was even close to perfect in front of the fire, and I'm not about to ruin this one.
That sounds so cheesy... Stop changing me, Folken... Especially when I like it...
I lower myself again to kiss his lips, only briefly, before laying back into his side, nuzzling his neck affectionately. "All right, then... I won't ruin this... Tonight, though... You have to promise me you'll ask me whatever you were going to ask me."
"I promise," he says in an odd voice. Whatever he wants to say is weighing heavily on him, apparently. He may lose his nerve by tonight, but I'll just beat it out of him, then (not literally).
We just lay there for a long time. I cuddle into his side, feeling as content as ever, my fingers lazily stroking his chest as his fingers play in my hair. It's an action I'm really starting to like... Maybe I can deal with the image of being 'lovers', especially if it feels this nice...
Oh, did I mention how warm he is?

Er... don't ask about the ending to this part. I don't know. ^_^() Please, everyone, welcome me as your new Queen of Cheesiness! *odd grin* I'm still not fond of first person, though...
Um, the reason I had the secondary title be 'There's One in Every Fic' is cause I don't like this part all that much. I really had no direction with it... It's that one chapter, you know, that's the worst written out of the entire fic. Hopefully the next part will be better, though. ;D
Credit for this part goes to my Duochan, cause she helped me so much with the ideas for it ^^;