Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Alkaline Cross ❯ Time Only Deepens the Wounds ( Chapter 3 )

Alkaline Cross

"Time Only Deepens the Wounds"

By: Omni-sama

(part 3 in a series of 3)

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Rating: NC-17

Reasons: lemon, lime, language (seriously…very strong language…like moonshine strong), tire abuse, sap (I'm sorry! >_<)

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Disclaimer:

Standard disclaimer applies. Nothing has changed. I still don't own any of the rights to WK. I also don't own any of the rights to "My Friend Peter," "Bleeder," or "Stupid Kid" by Alkaline Trio.

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Spoiler Warning:

There may be spoilers. Yeah.

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Author's Notes:

Ok, the first two parts in this series were in first person point of view; first with Yohji then with Ran. Now it is third omniscient. Yay! That means that it's being told by someone outside of the story, and you can get a peek into the minds of all the characters.

Also, unlike the first two, this has several songs which will be listed in full (meaning the lines are not broken up between story content) at the start of each section they pertain to.

I should also make note here something that some of you may have noticed if you've read any of my stuff involving these two bishounen. While Yohji may call his lover Ran, I tend to type out Aya when describing his actions and everything. This stems from the fic "Just a Taste" that I wrote, where Aya/Ran said that he liked Yohji calling him by his real name, but to the rest of the world he's "Aya." So, I'm the rest of the world, usually, in these fics, as well as you guys, the readers. But, in this fic, I break yet another pattern of mine and simply call him Ran all the time. Reason being that he is no longer in Weiß. That part of his life is over now and he's returned to being "Ran," not "Aya."

Anyway, without further ado… I give you the conclusion of the Alkaline Cross three-part song fic arc!

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"I don't care who you've been sleeping with these days
You're outta my hair
It's growing just above my smiling face that I wear
Every night I drink myself to sleep
Not thinking about you
Not thinking about anything at all

I don't care who you've been dining with these days
It's more than fair
Much rather be drinking anyways
With my friend Peter
Who lives so fucking far away
Yet not as far as you
Even though you live right down my fucking street

And I'm tired of sleeping with myself
I'm tired, all these drinks and drugs no longer help
I'm tired of lying about not thinking of you
Maybe my friend Peter can tell me what to do

I don't care who you've been kissing on these days
It's out of my hands
and in my mouth with such a pleasant taste
I need a beer to wash it all away without a trace
And then I'll drink 23 more
To wipe this stupid smile off my fucking face

I'm tired of sleeping with myself
I'm tired, all those drinks and drugs no longer help
I'm tired of lying about not thinking of you
Maybe my friend Peter can tell me what to do"

(My Friend Peter)

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The apartment was nice, but not too nice. It was small, but not too small. It had everything a single man in his mid twenties needed. There was a small kitchen, a bathroom, and a room large enough to put a bed, TV, a dresser, and a couple of chairs in. Of course, what bit of space there was in the apartment was constantly filled with clutter so that it always felt smaller than it really was. But, it suited Kudou Yohji just fine. Well, except for the fact that it was so small that you knew the moment you walked in that only one person lived there. His bed was small, too. Well, smaller than the one he had back during his days in Weiß. But, back then he needed a larger bed because he usually shared it. First with random women and sometimes men, then later with only one man….with Ran. Now, every time he lay down, he was painfully aware that he would be sleeping alone. Maybe that's why he became such a horrible insomniac. Anything is better than sleeping alone, dreaming of someone, and waking up to find yourself still alone.

It had been nearly three years. Three fucking years. Three god forsaken years of being alone, of wondering what went wrong. Three years without any sign of Fujimiya Ran. And Yohji was wondering just how much longer he could go on like this. Every day hurt. Every memory of Ran contained mixed emotions. Yohji hated him for leaving like that, he ached to see him again, and he still loved him. Even after three years. Even after getting dumped without even a reason or goodbye. Yeah, Yohji was a fool. He knew it, too. But, there was nothing that could be done about it. No, it was too late for him.

The phone rang, but Yohji didn't stir from where he was sprawled out on his small bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He rarely answered the phone anymore. That's what the machine's for. Sure enough, after the fourth ring there was a clicking sound then Yohji's recorded voice filled the apartment.

"This is the machine. You know what to do." A loud beep quickly followed, as well as some other soft clicking sounds.

"Hi, Yohji-kun! It's Omi! Why don't you ever answer your phone, Yohji-kun? I know you're there. C'mon, pick up. *sigh* Fine. Maybe you're busy or something. Anyway, I talked to Ken the other day. Thought you might like to know what he's been up to. So, call me back when you can. I'd like it if we could all get together and have lunch sometime or something. You know, sort of like a little reunion. Well… Um… Call me back, Yohji-kun! Bye!!"

"Wrong, kid… It wouldn't be a reunion… There'd still be one missing." Sighing, the blond pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. "Goddammit… I need a drink."

"Yoh-chan!" chimed an overly cheery male voice from outside the door. "Yoh-chan, it's your favorite bishounen, Seitah!"

"Door's open, Sei."

No sooner had Yohji said that when the door flew open and a beautiful young man about his age bounded in. Sei was a little shorter than Yohji and had long platinum hair and frosty green eyes.

"And how is my lovely Yoh-chan today? What's this?! Still haven't gotten out of bed? Yoh-chan! Those are the same clothes you were wearing yesterday! Did you sleep in them!?" Sei busied himself fussing over Yohji; brushing his hair, straightening out his clothes, and other such things.

"What do you want, Sei?" Despite his guest's sunny mood, Yohji seemed to have a dark cloud around him. Then again, he had been like that for quite a while… Nearly three years, in fact.

"Oi… Yoh-chan… You seem in a particularly sour mood today…"

"I had another dream last night."

"…Oh."

"Yeah. It was my favorite, actually… And, while I'm happy during my dream, it makes me that much more depressed once I wake up."

Sighing, Sei took a seat next to his friend on the edge of the bed. "Kami, Yoh-chan, when are you going to get over this creep?"

"He's not a creep. Well… Ok, he is. But only I'm allowed to call him that."

"Gomen gomen. But… You know… As much as I adore you, you tend to drag people down a lot with this gloomy attitude of yours."

"Sorry. It can't be helped."

"Yes it can, Yoh-chan! You just have to get over this Ran person. Get out and mingle! Go on some dates! Get laid!"

"SHUT UP!"

Sei immediately fell silent and stared with wide, concerned eyes at his friend who was leaning over where he sat and burying his face in his hands. "Yoh-chan…?"

"No one…. No one will share my bed but him. No one."

"Yoh-chan…."

"I love him, Sei. I love him so fucking much it hurts. And he said he loves me too. He's all I want. No one else will ever do."

"But… But, Yoh-chan, you're being ridiculous! It's been three years, for fuck's sake! He's not coming back, Yoh-chan. You have to accept it and move on!! Don't let this one person ruin your entire life!!"

"…..I'm hungry. But, I don't think I have any food left. Sorry to cut this visit short, but I'm going out. See ya."

There was nothing Sei could do but watch the handsome blond rise and start towards the door. Then he sighed and crossed his arms. "Well, if you're going to abandon me, you could at least do so after you shower and get dressed in some fresh clothes. Do you know how many people are going to faint upon smelling you as you pass by?"

That brought a slight chuckle from Yohji, much to Sei's delight. "Well, what do I care about how they think of me, eh?"

"Yeah, but what if you run into Ran on the street but your odor is so horrid that he runs in fear before you can even say hi?"

"Baka…" He chuckled again and despite his earlier statement, he headed for his bathroom.

"Yeah yeah. I'll stop by later today and hang out, ok?"

"Sure thing. Ja."

"Ja, Yoh-chan!"

~~~~

"That'll be ¥1500."

"Here you go."

"Thank you, sir! Have a nice day!"

Ivory fingers tightly gripped the handles of the yellow plastic grocery bags. Deep violet eyes focused on the ground as a lean, well-toned body worked its way outside onto the sidewalk. One of the pale hands grasping the plastic bags lifted and entered the field of vision so that the violet eyes could read the face of the black leather banded watch. And then, it collided with another body. It was someone taller, and evidently equally too distracted to see where it was going. The plastic bags fell with a combination of crinkling sounds and thuds as the contents collided with the concrete. A few brown paper bags joined in the decent, some of the items they held spilling.

"Shit, I'm so sorry!" the taller form exclaimed.

"Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going," explained the shorter figure at the same time.

Both stopped in the middle of bending down to pick up the bags as something registered in their minds. Slowly their faces lifted and violet eyes found themselves staring into all too familiar green eyes.

"Ran?"

"Yohji?" Again, both spoke at the same time.

"I… No way… That really you?" The green eyes blinked and the man righted himself, forgetting all about the bags and what they held.

"Yes. But… Yohji, what are you doing here?" The violet eyes also blinked as he, too, straightened himself.

"I live around here. What are you doing here?" Yohji still couldn't believe it. It was really true. Ran was standing right in front of him. He nearly laughed out loud as he recalled the last thing Sei had said to him. Guess it really was good that he showered and dressed before going out.

"I live around here, too. Just moved here recently, actually. I didn't know you lived here." Ran tried to figure out how to escape. He wanted to run, to hide. But, he also wanted to throw his arms around the blond man standing before him and kiss him breathless. God, how he had missed him! More than likely, though, Yohji hated him now for leaving him like that. Besides… He still believed it was for the best if he not get involved with Yohji. Ran felt all he would do is hurt the man, and that was something he never wanted.

"Yeah. I've lived here for a while, actually. About...um…about two years now." It hadn't escaped Yohji's attention that their eye contact had not broken since it was first made. The expression in Ran's eyes also failed to escape him. Hope flitted through him and he dared to smile a little, running his hand back through his still slightly damp blond locks.

"Oh." It was getting harder to fight his feelings as he stood there staring at his former lover. He watched in silent agony as the tan hand ran its long fingers through those oh so soft golden waves. And even after three years Yohji was still breathtakingly beautiful. Ran forced himself to remain in control as he attempted to focus on something else. "So… You aren't in Weiß anymore?"

"What? Oh, no. The team broke up nearly three years ago."

"Oh… Was it… Was it because of me?"

Yohji hesitated, not sure how to answer. Those violet eyes seemed so concerned and even a bit remorseful. "Well… In a way… Heh, I guess it just wasn't the same without our fearless leader." He managed a smile somehow, even though he felt a stinging deep inside. The pain was most likely caused by being forced to remember what Ran had done.

"I'm… I'm sorry. I never meant for that to happen."

"It's…ok. Omi and Ken are doing fine."

"What about you?"

The blond fell silent, and felt the slight urge to look away. But, he felt that if their eyes broke contact, Ran would disappear again. So, he kept his gaze fixed on the shorter man in front of him, and tried to keep his now extremely painful smile. "Gettin' by. You know me."

"I…see." Why was he hurting so much? Was it because Yohji most likely had moved on and gotten over him? But… That shouldn't worry him. He was over Yohji, after all. Well…mostly....partially….a little… The pain stabbed at him again, and he almost visibly cringed. "Yohji… About what I did…"

"Oh, you're going to tell me why, now? A bit of a delay, wouldn't you say?"

Was that bitterness in Yohji's voice? Inside the pain got stronger and Ran felt as though some invisible dagger was twisting itself about, buried in his flesh. "I realize I should have said something… Explained myself… But, I have my reasons for doing what I did."

"Which are?"

"Yohji… This isn't the time or place to be discussing it. Do you have a number I can reach you at or something so we can arrange a time to get together and talk?"

The blond blinked for a second and then nodded. "Yeah. You got a pen or something?" It wasn't surprising that Ran produced a pen from seemingly out of nowhere. The man was always prepared, it seemed. "Thanks. Give me your hand."

"What? Why?"

"I don't have any paper, so I'm gonna write it on your hand. That ok with you?" He nearly glared at the shorter man, but not out of malice. It was simply the same type of playful glare that they would exchange back in the old days when they were making jabs at each other. When Ran complied and reached out his hand, Yohji hesitated before touching it. Would he be able to control himself at such contact? Forcing himself to remain calm and focused, he took the soft white hand and hastily scribbled his phone number on its palm. "There."

"Good." Ran slowly pulled his hand back and stared down at the numbers. "I'll call you either later today or tomorrow. If that's alright with you, that is." Now that their eyes had lost that constant contact, Ran felt unable to recreate it. He was weakening enough as it was. After memorizing the number, he wetted the fingers of his other hand with his saliva and proceeded to rub the ink away.

"Yeah, that's fine with me. Hey, what are you doing!" Yohji started at the sight of Ran erasing the numbers.

"I already have them memorized. It's ok."

"But can't you just wait till you get to a sink or something? I mean, jeez!"

"No. They should be gone as soon as possible."

Green eyes blinked, filled with confusion and a little bit of hurt. "What? And why's that?"

"Oh, there you are!" As if answering the blond's question, another man approached the couple and threw an arm about the redhead's shoulders. "You weren't waiting long, I hope."

Yohji stood in utter shock. Part of it was because Ran seemed to have a new lover. Another part was because of who this lover was. It was a VERY familiar tall, dark-haired, glasses-wearing, cold-eyed, American. "…Crawford?"

"Hm? Oh, well if it isn't Mr. Kudou. Haven't seen you in quite some time." Smiling, in that I'll-kill-you-if-you-turn-your-back way that he excelled in so much, Crawford pulled Ran a little closer to him while keeping his eyes pinned on Yohji.

"Ran…" Yohji continued to stare at Crawford, his brows crinkled in confusion. "Ran, do you realize you have an insane killer with prophetic powers clinging to you right now?..."

The redhead sighed, knowing that Yohji would act that way if he saw them together. "Yes, Yohji. Brad and I…are together now."

"Together like how?... Like you've started your own assassin business or something?"

"No… Together as in I live with him." Yeah, Ran really didn't need to tell Yohji that. Not only could the blond pretty much figure that out by the way the taller man was clinging to his ex lover, but by hearing Ran say those things, Yohji felt another sharp pain shoot through him.

"Why, Mr. Kudou, you look very pale. Are you feeling alright?" Yohji glared at Crawford while the man simply smirked back and pushed his glasses up from sliding down his nose.

"No, I'm not. I just found out Ran's sleeping with the enemy."

"He's not my enemy anymore, Yohji. He stopped being so the day I left Weiß."

This made Yohji steam. Just how long had Ran waited after leaving before hooking up with this mad man!? And how COULD he hook up with him, anyway?!?! The man was responsible for kidnapping Ran's precious imouto at one time!!! Crawford was evil!! One of the dark beasts they should be denying of his tomorrow! And yet here Ran stood, letting the man hang all over him!!!!! Seeing red, Yohji quickly bent down and picked up his things, tossing the items back in their bags.

"Whatever." And that was all he said before turning and walking quickly away to his car. He drove back to his apartment, his emotions teetering between rage and sorrow. When he got home, he put everything away as if he was on auto pilot. It was all a little too much for him and he had just shut down. Forgetting his hunger which was the reason behind him going out in the first place, Yohji went to his bed and flopped down on it. Burying his face in his pillow, he cursed Ran and Crawford, and most of all himself for even caring.

~~~~

Ran silently put the groceries away, completely blocking Crawford out. The tall dark-haired man simply stood in the doorway of the kitchen and watched the food products be neatly set in their places. It wasn't like he was expecting Ran to engage in conversation with him, or show him any signs of affection. The two of them usually remained silent in each other's presence. Not that Crawford would mind too terribly if his frigid lover opened up a little bit…

Then again, one could hardly call them "lovers." The few times they had even gotten anywhere close to doing anything, the moment would be ruined by Ran calling out a name that was NOT Brad's. Needless to say, neither one of them was very much in the mood after such an outburst. But, Crawford kept at it. For some reason he found the redhead who used to be his enemy quite captivating. It was after much effort that he managed to talk the younger man into some semblance of a relationship; his main emphasis being that it would help him get over Yohji. After over a year of wooing, he finally managed to convince him that they should move in together. Still, Ran would constantly sleep in the guest bedroom…ok, so he ALWAYS slept in the guest bedroom, but still…..

"Ran," Brad addressed, breaking the silence, "Do you want to talk about anything?"

"What do you mean?" Ran's attention remained on the boxes of dry food he was storing away in one of the cabinets.

"Well, I just thought you might want to talk about what happened today."

"Something happened?"

"Yes, Ran. Running into your bastard of an ex."

"Such language, Brad. And I'm not really sure if he was born in wedlock or not…"

Cracking jokes now? Crawford raised a brow and blinked, his glasses nearly slipping off his nose. "Excuse me?"

"You said he was a bastard. A bastard is someone born out of -"

"I know what a bastard is, Ran."

"Hn." The redhead went back to silently putting the food away.

"Ran…"

"I think I'll go for a walk now," Ran announced as he put the last item in the cabinet and closed it with a dull thud. "….Alone," he added, pausing only briefly next to Crawford as he passed through the doorway.

The taller man sighed and pushed his glasses back up on his nose. He found himself standing in the kitchen doorway, alone, and fearing that the visions he had tried to block out were coming true all too soon.

~~~~

The sun was trying to make its escape, just as Ran had made his. Long shadows stretched out over the city and a few street lights were already starting to flicker on. The redhead paused in the middle of the nearly deserted sidewalk and looked up at the bleeding sky. Just how long had he been walking, anyway? Surely it wasn't that late when he headed out… But, he had a lot on his mind, so wasn't so very concerned with the passage of time. Mostly he debated on whether or not he should call Yohji.

Part of him wanted to call because he needed the closure. Another didn't want him to call because he'd give into old desires. And that's why yet another part of him really wanted to call…because maybe he could be with the blond again…even for just a little while.

Well, it was two against one, it seemed. So, taking a deep breath to steady himself, he headed over to the nearest phone booth.

~~~~

"You came to me like a dream
The kind that always leaves
Just as the best part starts
It ends so abruptly
And leaves you stunned and naked
In your bedroom all alone
It's kinda funny how something so soothing
Gets interrupted by the ring of a telephone

And you broke me like the cigarette
That I busted on the day I quit
But now that I've been drinking
I'm out of smokes and I wish that I had it
Woke up to my daily headache
And the realization that you are gone
Oh my sweet darling happiness
You've been away from me all along

One thing that I've never said-
I'm truly happy in my heart and in my head
A lonely liver suspended in liquid

You came to me like a dream
The kind that always leaves,
Just as the best part starts
It ends so abruptly
And leaves you stunned and naked
In your bedroom all alone
It's kinda funny how something so soothing
Gets interrupted by the ring of a telephone

One thing that I've never said-
I'm truly happy in my heart and in my head
A lonely liver suspended in liquid

It's one thing that I never did was smile
Missing a case - lacking a lid
My heart bleeds for what you never did
You never did
For what you never did
Never did
For what you never did

It's one thing that I've never said-
I'm truly happy in my heart and in my head
A lonely liver suspended in liquid
It's one thing that I never did was smile
Missing a case - lacking a lid
My heart bled for what you never did until now"

(Bleeder)

~~~~

He ran his long, slender fingers along the ghostly pale skin. Beneath his finger tips, he could feel gentle pulsing as the blood constantly increased its pace through those blue veins that were slightly visible. Returning the caresses, milky white hands stroked along his tan body. Someone moaned, but they were too distracted to really know or even care who it was. Lips pressed firmly against each other, tongues exploring foreign mouths. Then those tongues ventured out to travel along the other's flesh, taking in every unique flavor. There was a pale hand buried in golden waves, and a tanned hand petting crimson silk. And it was heaven. There was no other word to describe it.

That's when the phone decided to ring, shattering Yohji's fantasy with its shrill, metallic cry. Cursing, the blond sat up on the edge of his bed, not bothering to zip his pants back up or even tuck his aching erection back in. Why bother? No one was there to see him, right? Besides, he felt like shit and was more concerned about whether or not any of the beer he bought earlier remained after he used it to drown his pain and frustration shortly after getting back.

Another piercing ring echoed throughout the tiny apartment. For a moment he contemplated throwing something heavy at the phone. Then he thought maybe he should just unplug it. But, suddenly he remembered that his redheaded fantasy was supposed to be calling either today or tomorrow. That meant it could be HIM!!

Totally forgetting how upset he was earlier at the other man, Yohji rushed to answer the phone. As if Ran would see him over the phone, the blond zipped up his fly and hastily brushed the wrinkles from his shirt.

"Hello?" His voice was as casual as he could make it after panting for air and moaning just moments before.

"Yohji-kun? You actually answered the phone?!"

"Oh. It's you."

"Gee… I love you, too, Yohji-kun…"

"Sorry, Omi. I thought you were someone else. I'm sorry, but I can't talk right now. I've gotta keep the line open. Expectin' a call."

"Really? Oh! Is it a new girlfriend? Boyfriend? C'mon, Yohji-kun! Tell me!" The kid was always too genki, Yohji thought bitterly and considered just hangin' up on him.

"Actually, it's R-Aya." He had to remind himself that Omi and Ken still thought of Ran as Aya, despite knowing his real name.

"Seriously?! How is he? Where'd you find him? What's he up to now? Are you guys back together? What's going on?"

"Seriously. Don't know about the rest. Just ran into him today when I was out shopping. He's supposed to call and arrange a time for us to get together and…catch up."

"Well, ok. Call me sometime and fill me in on everything, ok? And don't forget about your other former co-workers, Yotan."

"Hai hai… Now, I gotta go, ok? Ja."

"Ja ne!" Click.

As soon as he hung up the phone and turned away, the same metallic ring erupted yet again. Growling, he turned back and picked up the phone in a grip so tight it made his knuckles white. "I thought I said I couldn't chat right now? What the hell do you want?!?!"

"…..Yohji? I'm sorry, did I catch you at a bad time?"

His anger shattered and he felt the urge to crawl into a hole and die. "Oh! Ran! Sorry, didn't know it was you. Thought it was Omi callin' again. You know the kid…. Just never shuts up, ya know? Heh. Anyway, no..um…this isn't a bad time. Glad you called. I mean... Um. So…. Uh… Hi!" And the urge just continued to grow…

"Hi. I was wondering if…you're free at the moment..?"

"Me? Yeah. Sure. What's up?"

"Well, I thought we were going to get together and…talk about what happened."

The memory of Ran leaving him brought Yohji fully out of the remnants of his fantasy from moments ago. "Right. About why you left."

Ran detected the change in tone and hesitated before speaking again. "…Yes. Um. Could I perhaps come over? This is a matter to be discussed in private instead of public, and we can't meet at my place because…well…you know."

"Right. No problem." The blond had to take in a deep breath to steady himself. Reality and dreams were so painfully different. "Well, tell me where you are now and I'll give you directions to my place."

~~~~

"There are things that used to make me smile
One of them was you for just a little while
You left me for dead so far away
I replaced you with fear and shame
You'll be happy on the day I die…

There are things that used to make me laugh
But now they're deeply buried in the past
I left them there so far away
Replaced my humor with my pain
I'll be happy on the day it dies

Remember when I said I love you?
Well forget it, I take it back
I was just a stupid kid back then
I take back every word that I said…

There are things that used to make you cry
One of them was me for just a little while
Why is it that you had to say
Goodbye in your special way?
You slashed the tires on my car"

(Stupid Kid)

~~~~

Ran sat in one of the two chairs that occupied Yohji's apartment, shifting uncomfortably for reasons that had nothing to do with the quality of the furniture. Yohji, meanwhile, was in his tiny kitchen, searching through the fridge for something suitable to offer his guest to drink.

"Um… Don't really have much here… You want a beer?"

He couldn't physically see Ran wrinkle is nose in disgust, but he could imagine it from the days they used to be together. Ran hated beer. "No thanks."

"Sorry that I don't have any tea or anything to offer you…" the blond apologized as he continued to shift the contents of the icebox around.

"It's ok. I'm not really thirsty or anything."

Releasing a sigh, Yohji closed to refrigerator door and walked empty-handed into the main room. He hesitantly took a seat in the other chair, slightly facing Ran. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, disrupted only occasionally by the sound of rustling fabric and creaking wood when one of the men changed position in his chair.

"So…." Yohji breathed out, deciding to take the first step, "You and Crawford, huh? How long you two been together?"

Ran sighed and gently massaged the bridge of his nose using his thumb and forefinger. "A little over a year. And before you ask, no, he's not why I left you."

"Ah. So, why did you leave, Ran? Was it something I did?"

"No," the redhead replied without even a moment's hesitation, his eyes growing slightly wider at the very suggestion that it was Yohji's fault. He looked to the taller man, who in turn was staring intently at the dingy carpet.

"Really? That's sure the impression I got from the way you left, Ran. You didn't even leave a fucking note, for Christ sake!" All the anger, pain, and sorrow that had built up over the years fueled Yohji on, causing him to rise to his feet with both hands clenched tightly into fists. His eyes were blazing with those powerful emotions, and his jaw muscles could visibly be seen flexing through his cheeks as he felt his pulse race. "One minute you're saying that you love me, and then the next thing I know, I wake up alone! Some of your things are gone, and when I go downstairs, I see an empty spot where your car used to be! Then, to top it all off, I find every fucking tire on my Seven slashed to shit!! You wanna tell me what I'm supposed to fucking get from a 'goodbye' like that, Ran?! Huh?!?! Just what the hell was the reason for leaving me like that?!"

A silence once again fell over the room, but this time the air was practically sparking with tension. Ran, however, was unable to let his eyes fall upon the enraged man again. Instead, he took his turn to stare at the carpet as he tried his best to reign in his emotions and stop himself from falling to his knees in pent-up regret and sorrow. Inside, Ran told himself that he had to be strong. That he had to end this so that Yohji could move on and finally be happy. Not that he wasn't certain that the blond had already found someone else by now…. It's just that this issue had to be closed for both of them to be able to fully move on. He was certain that's all that was needed. Closure.

"I'm sorry, Yohji, but…" The blond held his breath, waiting for the other man to finally tell him why…why he left and hurt him so horribly. "But, I lied. I lied about loving you." Green eyes bulged slightly with shock and the tall lanky body fell back into its chair as if struck by a great force. "The truth is," Ran continued, still refusing to look at the stunned man, "I only told you that to get you to shut up about the incident with Eisai. You were so annoying. I was planning on leaving you anyway. At least that way I was able to get some enjoyment before I left. I mean, you do realize that I was only with you for the sex, right? That's all you were really good for, after all. Don't tell me you actually believed that I loved you. As for the tires… Well, I had to make sure you didn't try to come after me. I figured that would delay you for a bit."

Yet another silence fell over the apartment. Inside, Ran was screaming at himself for saying such things. It hurt. It hurt so much to lie like this. God, if only he could just tell Yohji the truth. But, that would do one of two things: one, make the blond try to get back with him, which would then lead to the man getting hurt by Ran more; or two, if Yohji had a boyfriend/girlfriend at the moment and didn't care for Ran anymore, he would be disgusted and annoyed with him for pouring his heart out to him and saying he still loved him. So, Ran remained quiet, fighting back tears that threatened to fall from his stinging eyes, and still refusing to look up at Yohji.

"I see." The simple response caused the redhead to look up at the other man with a start.

"You… Aren't mad?"

Yohji had an obviously false smile on his lips and his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. "Of course I am. I'm pissed as hell. But, mostly because you're not telling me everything. You're lying to me, and I can tell it. What's the real reason you left, Ran? Tell me the truth this time."

Ran quickly looked away again, attempting to hide the shock and slight panic that would inevitably reveal themselves through his eyes. "I told you the truth, Yohji. That's why I left. Why I did everything I did."

"Liar."

"I'm telling the truth." His voice held the familiar dark tint of the old days, as he tried to make himself believable through his dangerous tone.

"Then why can't you look at me when you say it?"

Silence fell over the apartment yet again as Ran rummaged around desperately in his mind for a good excuse. Finding none, he silently rose to his feet and started for the door. "I should go."

Before he could reach the exit, his arm was caught by a warm grasp and he was spun around to face a very serious Yohji. He tried to look away, but the blond gripped his chin gently but firmly and directed his face to look up into his. "Look at me. Look at me and tell me what you just said was the truth."

"Let me go."

"You can't, can you? Why did you really leave?"

"Stop it, Yohji. If I don't head back soon, Brad will be worried."

"Why are you with Crawford, anyway? Are you with him for the sex, too, like you said you were with me? Or, do you love him?"

"I don't love him. I'm not able to-"

"Don't give me that 'I'm not able to love' bullshit. But, you say you don't love him. Ok. Then, have sex with me."

Violet eyes widened. "What?!"

"Have sex with me. Right here, right now. Come on, it shouldn't matter that you're officially with Crawford, right? I mean, you don't love him, just like you didn't love me and were able to be with that doctor. And, you must hold some attraction for me to have been with me for the sex, so… Let's go."

"No. Let me go. I'm leaving."

"What's the matter? Am I not as good as he is?"

"Dammit, Yohji, just shut up and let me go!"

"Not until you start telling me the truth. Either tell me the truth or prove you really meant what you just said a little while ago and have casual sex with me."

"You're fucking insane, did you know that?"

Smirking a little, Yohji shrugged, his hand still holding Ran's face. "Yeah, so? Aren't we all a little crazy after what we went through?"

"You're worse."

The smirk fell back into a thin line of firmly pressed lips. "Stop trying to change the subject. Now, pick: truth or sex?"

"God. You probably never loved me, either. Admit it. You were just with me for the sex, too. Why else would you be trying to get some now? Hell, I should have known; it's all you think about."

"No, actually, I love you. Notice the lack of past tense. Also, I can survive without sex."

Ran snickered, still trying to get his arm and chin free. "Yeah right."

"I'm serious. I'll have you know that you are the last person I was with." For a moment, green eyes studied startled violet. "It's true, Ran. I haven't been with anyone else since you. Even after three years."

"….Why?" It came out as little more than a whisper.

The verdant eyes didn't even blink. "Because I love you." After another long silence, Yohji finally released him and turned away a little, the tears once again brimming in his eyes. Ran forgot totally about trying to leave, and stood there staring as if bolted to the spot.

"Can I tell you something, Ran?" Tilting his head slightly back to the younger man, the green eyes turned to lock with their counterparts. After observing a very minute nod of the crimson adorned head, a sad little smile formed on Yohji's lips. "You made me so happy when we were together… Just being able to be near you brought a smile to my face. But, when you left… Fuck. Nothing has made me be able to smile like that since you. These three years have been hell on me. The only thing that really kept me going was the thought that you loved me. That you didn't really leave me for good. Heh… Pretty pathetic, huh? My friend Seitah thinks so. I have to agree with him. It is pretty fucking pathetic. ….Especially after finding you again, only to see that you have already moved on and found another lover… Then again, what do you care? Evidently you couldn't care less if you'd never seen me again. You wouldn't even care if I had died on a mission during the time you were gone. Hell, you may even be preferring that now over my staying alive. At least then you wouldn't have to be bothered with having to explain your actions to me. You'd be able to live happily ever after with your evil bastard of a boyfriend. Speaking of which, you better hurry off back to him…"

He started to turn fully around to go back within the main part of his apartment, when a shaky voice caused him to stop short. "Wait," it said, almost meekly. Such a sound was odd, since said voice was usually rather cold and firm. "I… I have something to say, too." At those words, the tall blond turned back around to fully face the speaker.

"Go on…"

"I used to laugh a lot."

"What? What the hell does that-"

"Let me finish. I didn't interrupt you, did I?"

"…Sorry."

"It's ok. Anyway… I used to laugh a lot. Back before Takatori stole everything from me. That day… Aya's birthday… I stopped laughing. I buried all emotion so that I could place all my focus onto seeking revenge. I guess it was also done, in part, as a way for me to cope with what happened. You coped with Asuka's death by drowning yourself in sin. I coped by denying myself everything. Because of this, you were not something I had anticipated. I wasn't supposed to feel attracted to you, to anyone. That was a distraction. I also wasn't supposed to develop feelings for you. Emotions are also distractions. So, at first, I tried to ignore it. Ignore what I felt every time you were near me. But, eventually, it got to be too much. I couldn't avoid it. I couldn't deny it any longer. I had to be with you.

"In the beginning, I thought it was just something physical. I thought that after we had sex, I could go back to my normal, emotionless self. But… For some reason, once I had you, I couldn't get enough. It was like an addiction. This confused me. I didn't like feeling like I needed to be with you nearly all the time. Still, I told myself that it wasn't anything major. I didn't love you. You were only a friend, nothing more. That's what I told myself, at least…"

Pausing to take a breath and gather his strength, Ran looked right into Yohji's eyes. "You want to know the truth? The truth is I really did love you. I loved you so much that it tore me up inside whenever I saw you hurt. But, you see, that's all I managed to do to you…hurt you. I wanted you to be happy. However, with me, all you seemed to be was sad. So, I left. I left so that you could find someone else, someone who could make you happier than I ever could. Someone who was actually worthy of you and your love. I told you the truth about why I slashed the tires. I knew you would look for me, so I delayed it as best I could. I didn't want to see you again. It would hurt me too much. Because I didn't just love you, I was in love with you. ….I still am."

Eyes wide, Yohji took a step forward and released a soft gasp. "Ran…"

"I'm not finished." Pausing to make sure he wouldn't be interrupted again, Ran continued, "You are also the last person I've been with. Oh, Brad's tried… But, I can't bring myself to be with him. Actually, the very thought of it makes me ill. I'm only with him in an attempt to get over you. We even sleep in separate rooms. So, if you are happy now after finding out the whole truth, I'm done here. Goodbye."

As if snapping out of a daze, Yohji blinked and shook his head a little, brows crinkled in confusion. "Wait, you're leaving?"

"Yes."

"But… Why? You just said that you're still in love with me. I'm still in love with you. So, what's the problem now? Why are you leaving?"

"I already told you: because I'm not the one for you. I don't make you happy."

"Baka! Didn't you hear a damn word I said!? You are the one for me. You're the only one who makes me happy!"

"No, b-" Whatever Ran was about to say was cut short by the lips that were pressing against his own. Plus, speaking is a very difficult thing to do when the tongue in your mouth is not your own, and yours is slowly starting to make its way into the mouth of another. He couldn't help but respond. Just as he couldn't help but melt against the firm, slender body that was now holding him in a snug embrace. They stood there in the tiled entryway for a while, lazily reacquainting themselves with each other's mouths and bodies. Hands slid under fabric to explore skin, hesitantly at first, then more fervently. Tongues slowly left warm mouths to see if other areas still tasted the same, running anxiously alone necks and collar bones. Hearts got jolted with excited energy and sped up their paces, pumping out desire-tainted blood at a blinding speed. Lungs got drunk off the spiked blood and in turn also sped up their motions, causing the hungry mouths to pant heavily as they tried to devour the other person's flesh.

"Please, Ran," one mouth managed to whisper huskily between breathing and lapping at pale skin, "Please don't leave… Please stay with me…"

"Yohji…" the other mouth practically moaned right before a shirt collar passed over it, on its way to be fully removed from the body it had been so snuggly covering. "We shouldn't… You deserve better…"

"No one…" Mouths met for a moment, then broke apart so one could continue speaking. "No one is better than you, love… God… You're all I ever wanted… Please say you'll stay… You want me to be happy? Well, nothing would make me happier…"

"Then…" Speech was impaired temporarily as a mouth was forced open in a loud gasp while a tan thumb rubbed one pink nipple into erectness. "Then… I'll stay… For as long as you want me, Yohji…I'll be yours…"

"Mmm… Then you'll be mine forever…."

The stubborn mouths and hands refused to cease their actions while the two bodies attempted to make their way over to the small bed. By the time one man was laying atop the other upon the soft mattress, all clothing was absent, leaving these greedy mouths and hands to freely explore. Somewhere along the line, a bottle of lotion decided to join in, and was sharing its contents with a set of eager fingers. These fingers played along the entrance to the man who was writhing beneath the other, the digits yearning to be buried in that familiar warmth. As one finally got its wish, a very happy tongue ran along a warm and even happier erection.

"Oh god… Yohji… I've missed you so much, Yohji…"

"And I've missed you, koi… God, how I've missed you… I love you so much…"

"I love you, too… Ah… Yes… Please don't stop…"

Encouraged, another finger slipped in to join the first. Both moved around slowly, forcing the soft walls around them to make more room. The tip of the tongue-bathed erection was sucked slowly into a very warm and moist mouth that moaned as it took more and more within it. The pale body that was subject to such lovely torture shifted desperately, attempting to increase the already unexplainable pleasure. When a third finger was inserted, Ran cried out and buried his hands in Yohji's hair. It wasn't long until the lotion bottle got to contribute again as it released some of the cold cream onto the erection that, up until that point, had been neglected.

"Don't leave… Don't ever leave me again, Ran…" The words were whispered into a perfect ear, disturbing the fine strands of red silk that fell around it.

"Never… Never again… I'm sorry I hurt you… Never wanted to hurt you… Love you so much…" Ivory arms wrapped around a tanned back, feeling the muscles ripple just beneath them.

Yohji slowly slid into his now reunited lover and lost the ability to breathe for a moment. In that moment, he prayed to whatever higher power existed, if any, that this was not just another dream. That he wouldn't wake up to find himself lying alone between cold sheets.

"Yohji…."

The half-whispered moan miraculously sent air flowing back into Yohji's lungs and he started moving over the other man. They moved slowly together, not wanting to rush this reunion. Beneath them, the bed creaked and the covers slithered over each other. Their bodies were two undulating forms, joined together and trying to find a way to become one. Moans became louder. Whispers became screams. Names and declarations of adoration tumbled from mouths between fierce kisses. Then finally, as if it were all staged for some captive audience, both men found release. Their heads tilted back as far as their kiss-bruised necks would allow, their backs arched, and their minds lost all function. For an instant that seemed to last a small eternity, everything was perfect.

Then, just as quickly as every muscle had gone taught, they relaxed. Yohji practically collapsed upon Ran as his arms fell from under him. They laid there panting for a while, sweat glistening on their slowly cooling bodies. In time, Yohji pulled out of his lover's now soaked passage and rolled over on the bed. Due to the bed's size, he had to wrap his arms around Ran and roll him along, too. The result was Yohji lying sprawled out on the bed with Ran half on top of him, their arms entwined.

"Mmm…. God, I needed that…" Sighing contentedly, Yohji stroked his cheek against the soft red locks of the head that was tucked against his neck.

"Hn…." The monosyllabic response was due to brain failure this time instead of indifference. But, it was a very happy sounding monosyllabic response.

They stayed like that for quite a while, until a very disturbing revelation came to the blond.

"Ran…?"

"Hm?"

"What about Crawford…?"

"What about him?"

"Um… Well… Aren't you two an item?"

Ran shrugged a little and nuzzled closer. "Hardly. Besides, he's a precog.. I'm sure he already knows about this. About us getting back together."

"Still… I almost feel bad about doing this to him… I mean, I kinda know where he's at."

"Hn. Let's worry about this later, ok?"

"Mmm.. Ok…"

Just as they were both about to slip off into much needed sleep, the phone rang. Ran started to shift in order for Yohji to go answer it, but the blond just pulled him back down on top of him.

"Machine'll get it…"

After the fourth ring, and Yohji's outgoing message, another man's voice filled the air. "Hey, Yohji! It's Sei. Well… I went by your place earlier, but um… Let's just say I'm happy that you and Ran got back together, finally. You'll have to tell me what happened to lead up to it later. I'd also like to say that I sure as hell don't envy your neighbors. Damn, you two are loud. I know you both probably need your rest now, so I'll leave ya be. G'night!"

As the machine shut off, both men blinked and blushed bright red.

"Yohji, who was that?"

"Heh. That's my friend Sei. You'll have to meet him later."

"Hn."

"Not right now, though. Now we do as he says and get some sleep."

"Hn."

After three years of restless nights and dreams that wouldn't let them be, the two men fell into a deep, sated sleep. Perhaps it was the knowledge that in the morning, they wouldn't wake up alone. That they never would have to again. And that finally…finally they were through with the ever constant pain-filled song that had made up their lives until that point. Maybe they could compose a new song together… One that spoke of love and happiness, all the things they had been missing until now.

_____

Owari

_____________

AN:

Well… It's finally finished. Bleh. Only three chapters, and it gave me such a freakin' headache. Aw well. It didn't end how I had originally planned, but that's life. Maybe sometime I'll post an alternate ending. *shrugs*

Oh, and sorry about getting so damn sappy at the end. I honestly don't know where the hell all that came from… Heh…

Oh!!! And, if your interest was nabbed by any of the songs used in this arc, then I suggest you check out www.alkalinetrio.com. And, maybe buy a CD or two. *wink wink, hint hint* Seriously, though, they are a very good band. I love their music. Just so ya know, it's emo-punk. Very spiffimus. ^_~