Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Hello, Goodnight ❯ Date from Hell ( Chapter 3 )

So we're creeping through the hallway of Shampoo Brand X's testing facilities. This is where the action happens folks. That gorgeous new bounce in your formally over-treated locks? Some angora probably went blind to get it there. Not that that's stopped me from buying top of the line hair products, or anything. I'm just saying.

Anyway, instead of the usual child pornographers or clinically insane doctors, or insert-bizarre-criminal-fetish-here, we're being sent to eliminate a bunch of idiots who've decided that a couple of mangy rabbits are more important than my fabulous hair. Yeah, Kritiker makes a whole lot of sense sometimes.

Aya looks pretty bored. He obviously doesn't have a much higher opinion of this mission than I do. Isn't there some other group better suited to deal with this? Using assassins seems a bit drastic, if you ask me. No one ever does ask me though, which is why I'm just going along with this idiotic thing, silently humming the theme to Mission Impossible in my head. That always makes boring missions more fun. Aya would kill me if he knew I did that. But then Aya would kill me if he knew a lot of things. Like the real reason I accepted the mission. It sure wasn't for the bunnies.

You know, I have a real track record for doing stupid things. It's longer than anyone else I know has and that's saying something considering the company I keep (that one, for the record was directed at you, Ken.) But the stupidest thing I've done by far is let myself get infatuated with tall, pale, and cranky in front of me there. Seriously, even I shouldn't be that dumb. Maybe I'm not dumb. It could just be self-destructive tendencies surfacing, who knows. What's important here is that I somehow let myself fall head-over-heels in love with the most frigid man in Tokyo. And as a result, for the excuse for the pathetic chance to spend a few extra hours with him, yours truly accepts any mission that Aya does. Aya never turns a mission down, though, which has led to quite a lot of sleep deprivation on my part. Whoever said love hurts had me in mind.

We reach the target. The laboratory is lit up, signaling our victims are right on schedule. Aya and I stand on either side of the door, ready to jump in and take them by surprise. The plan is for me to go in first; it's best to attack with a long range weapon before rushing right into hand-to-hand combat, and all that. I succeed in going in first. Everything beyond that point goes horribly, tragically wrong.

Before I can pull out my garrote I'm stopped dead in my tracks. My abrupt halt causes Aya to run right into me, which results in some loud and un-Aya-like cussing. Standing before me, a rabbit slung under each arm like furry squirming footballs, is her. Yumi. The date from Hell. Life doesn't get much more awkward than this.

She arches a brow and loses no time in making me look bad in front of Aya. “Well, what do you know,” she remarks with a sneer, “Kudoh wasn't just talking big.”

Aya is in the process of pulling out his katana, but stops to join in my response of “What?”

“The assassin thing,” she says, rolling her eyes, “it wasn't just a load of macho bull crap like I thought.” She pauses to let the realization that she was on to us fully sink in. “Don't you have better people to kill?” she sneers again, “I can assure you I wasn't the one responsible for how much that date sucked.”

Aya is now fixing me with the most blood-curdling glare I've ever experienced (and believe me, I've witnessed some doozies over the years.) Seriously, his tremors of rage probably registered on the Richter scale.

“You told one of your sluts about Weiß!” he hisses.

“I didn't!” I shake my head frantically, “I don't know what she's talking about!”

“You talk in your sleep dumbass,” she answers dryly. “Don't they teach you not to do that in assassin school?”

Please God, just hit me with a bolt of lightening. I've lost my will to live.

My hand flies to my watch. Yumi has to die now.

Screw the mission, my reputation is on the line.

I've barely gotten a hold of the wire when everything goes white. Not only have I gone blind, but I've got a mouthful of fur and something is clawing my perfect complexion.

Well. How about that.

While Yumi vehemently opposes animal testing, she apparently has no qualms about animal throwing.

Muffled growls imply that Aya has just received a face full of Peter Cottontail as well.

The next thing I know I'm feeling a tug on my wrist, I'm falling backwards into Aya and we're rather painfully bound. Gravity didn't even have time to remove the rabbit from my face.

Damn. Who knew Yumi had skills like that? And more importantly, why didn't she make use of them when I slept with her? Selfish bitch.

Within seconds the room has been vacated of both my deranged ex-girlfriend and her furry accomplices.

It's just me and Aya now.

Me. Aya. And the ticking of explosives.

The deafening ticks are briefly interrupted by Aya's low growl, “I fucking hate rabbits.”