Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Anti Nostalgic ❯ Part 1, Chapter 3 (Hisoka) ( Chapter 3 )

Title: Anti-Nostalgic (Hisoka, Chapter 3)

Author: Elf Asato

Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Watari/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Tsuzuki

Warnings: Shounen-ai, language, angst, OOC (I'm sure there's a spot or two somewhere), sex implications ^_^

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to the great Matsushita-sensei and if I butcher her name, it's out of love. Anti-Nostalgic is a song from Gravitation so that doesn't belong to me, either.

Notes: The main perspective is Tatsumi's, if you don't want to bother picking things out in this novel of notes I've written…though, if you don't read them at all, you'll be very confused…probably.

Since this is the sequel to Sleepless Beauty, I thought it was only fitting to continue in the line of Gravitation song fics ^_^ Though I really liked the lyrics to Sleepless Beauty, I didn't think that the actual song and everything fit…so I wanted to pick out a Gravitation song that fit with the lyrics and everything…and eventually I picked Anti-Nostalgic! (Played in TV episode 3 ^_^) It's such a great song ^_^ And…and…and…they even say TSUZUKI in the lyrics!!!!!!!!!! See how perfect it is? ^_^ …The spacing of the lyrics, though…. I didn't like how I spaced the lyrics for Sleepless Beauty, so I took a good look at the lyrics and thought for a while. I realized that the different lyric groupings actually fit everyone's individual parts in the order that I intended them to be in! Whoo! Go me ^_^ Again, I'm going to have the translation in the story, but at the end of a part, I'll have the Japanese lyrics. So…go out and buy (read: download) the Gravitation TV tracks… ^_^

I don't know how long each part is actually going to be, but the whole thing is going to be long because basically everyone is telling the same course of events, but with different perspectives and whatnot. …I really hope it doesn't get boring, but I figured that this was the only way it could work the way I wanted it to. Besides, you'll get more insight on the different events that occur! …And I haven't found a story or fic that has a similar setup to this, so I'm a bit wary of doing it this way….

[Lyrics] Obvious

Italics are Hisoka's dream and what Hisoka/someone else was thinking/saying when it happened. Er, basically it's sort of the same thing…

==================== If you're confused, it's just little spiffers on the title/author thing and the ending notes….

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Again, for more confusion, this just separates different scenes

*~@~* Okay, this is the little divider thingy for the perspectives. It may seem confusing, but if you pay attention and read this, then it won't be ^_^

MILESTONE - This is the first fic I've ever started writing that actually makes SENSE by having chapters make up a part instead of just having the parts by themselves. Rejoice in logic. I know. Wow.

Everything is written in first person and divided by perspectives…Tatsumi's being the main, but everyone else being little sub-perspectives? And in those little sub-perspectives, the same series of events is told…only from the different perspectives. If you come across a fic or story with a similar setup, please tell me!

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Anti-Nostalgic

By Elf Asato

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The next several days or so passed like a blur. We spent the entire time touring, exploring the hotel, and complaining about the crowd at the poolside. It may seem boring, but it was actually really fun. For once in my life, I was absolutely content. I know…it amazed me, too. Though, the only thing was…Tsuzuki hadn't tried to kiss me at all, and I should have been relieved, but I wasn't. In truth, I wanted him to try again. I never knew what it was that sparked my interest in him like that. I had always thought of him as a really good co-worker and an even better friend…but since finding out that what I had been picking up from his emotions was indeed love, it seemed my entire life was turned upside down.

So you could say that I was vulnerable that night.

"Hisoka?"

"Yes?"

"What does it feel like?"

"…What are you talking about?"

"…To be an empath. What does it feel like?"

I sighed and tried to explain. "Imagine that you're deaf. Everyone's like that, it's not just you…except…a few people can hear. Since you're deaf, you wouldn't know what hearing was, but you know I could. …That's the closest thing I can get to describing it. It's sort of complicated."

"…So you can hear what my heart says?"

"Only if you let me…or you don't have much control over it."

"…Do I have control over what I'm feeling right now?"

"…You must, because I can't really sense anything from you right now."

"It feels like I have no control over this."

"Tsuzuki…?"

"You know what everyone else feels…but can you really sort out what you feel?"

"Sometimes," I admitted, "but sometimes not. It's hard to pick out what emotions are your own when you feel everyone else's."

"You said you can't hear what I feel right now…so can you tell me how you feel?"

"…About what…?"

"About me."

"I…I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't." I said truthfully.

"…You know, you could have lied to me. Could have told me that you hate me…or that you love me."

"I'm sorry."

"…But I'm glad that you didn't. I don't think I could bear it if you lied to me."

"…Tsuzuki…what…?"

We were both on our separate beds at the time, but that changed once Tsuzuki left his to sit on mine. It made me slightly nervous.

"I…we've been partners for a long time, right?"

"…If you consider that a long time, then I guess so."

"We're friends, right?"

"Of course, Tsuzuki…but just what…?"

"Hisoka, I love you."

That shouldn't have caught me off guard. I already knew. That shouldn't have brought tears to my eyes. I could feel his own. That shouldn't have had any major impact on me. It wasn't a shock.

Then why did I feel so much?

"Tsu…Tsuzuki… I…"

What do I feel?

"…I think I love you."

As soon as the words parted my lips, his eyes lit up and it was all I could do to keep my tears from falling. I felt so much just then. I felt so much love for him, so much contentment and satisfaction and I knew he felt the same.

"I…I'm so…happy that you do…! I just…I wanted to tell you earlier…but I wasn't sure…and…I just…"

I laughed, the tears rolling down my cheeks - I can't remember the last time I was that happy. It finally hit me that the reason why he kept shying away before was because he was afraid I would reject him.

I would never reject you.

"Baka…you talk too much."

He simply looked at me and smiled warmly. I could feel every emotion he had very strongly. Each emotion we shared like it was one. It was the most incredible thing I had ever felt. "You're right…I do."

And that was when he kissed me.

He didn't chicken out at the last moment, he didn't shy away from me…he just kissed me. It was the most magical kiss I've ever had (I'm going to pretend like it was my first…). That type where you just knew that the second it stopped, the world would end.

For the sake of the world, I kept that kiss going.

*~@~*

"What's wrong?" I ask as Kurosaki suddenly became very silent. "You just stopped."

"Ah…yeah…" he mutters, keeping his head down too low for me to see his face clearly.

"That's not how the night ended, is it?"

"No, of course not!" he snaps defensively, raising his head up. I can see that his cheeks are very red. So that's what the petals on the marigold look like….

"Well then, what happened?" I ask, almost too cheerfully, enjoying prodding the boy entirely too much. I'm secretly probably a pervert at heart….

"Stuff!"

As he shouts this, I wonder if that glass flower is actually a tomato…. I simply smile, though. "Well, I'm glad Tsuzuki didn't wait until it was too late to tell his feelings."

"What do you mean?" Kurosaki asks curiously, his eyes taking a concerned tone.

I sigh. It's not like I want the whole world knowing my business. "Well…I used to be in love with Tsuzuki. I still am, but not like I was when I first met him. I spent the good half of our time as partners dropping subtle hints about my feelings, but he never caught on. Eventually I quit being his partner for that reason and by the time he realized how I felt, it was too late. …I'm glad your relationship with him never took the turn ours did."

He looks at me darkly and mutters, "Sometimes I wonder if that would have been easier."

*~@~*

Hisoka

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Waking up next to Tsuzuki that morning was the most satisfying experience I've ever had. (Stop laughing, you pervert) The sun shone brightly, even though it was an overcast day, my glass marigold smelled wonderful despite the fact that it was both glass and a marigold, and Tsuzuki's breakfast in bed actually tasted somewhat decent.

I must be going insane…

The only thing was…though I was very happy to be with Tsuzuki like that…there was something wrong.

It's like my feelings aren't my own.

I was so confused, but what made it even worse was that Tsuzuki was the happiest I had ever seen him. As an empath, it was all I could do to keep from feeling others' emotions too much…but added in with my own, it was impossible for me to keep everything straight. With my feelings, I didn't know if I was coming or going - if I loved or hated it. That's how confused I was.

And it never helped that we met him at the poolside the one day we decided to go.

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~End of Chapter 3, Part 1~

Ooh, him! I'm so excited about writing this next part! …I can't believe I actually finished two parts in one day…well, they're both kind of short…and it's 2:40 AM right now….

While writing the part where Tsuzuki tells Hisoka he loves him…Anti-Nostalgic started playing…again…and…I sort of…cried…sort of… ^_^ That was just incredibly cute, I'm sorry!!!!!!! Just thought I should share that.

I'm so excited about writing the next parts, whoo!! …Though Hisoka's part is left in the dark about a lot of things…poor him.

Just so you know, after Hisoka, there's Tsuzuki, Watari, and the closing part by Tatsumi. As always, I look forward to writing Watari ^_____^

No lyrics…blargh….

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