Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Anti Nostalgic ❯ Part 1, Chapter 4 (Hisoka) ( Chapter 4 )

Title: Anti-Nostalgic (Hisoka, Chapter 4)

Author: Elf Asato

Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Watari/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Tsuzuki

Warnings: Shounen-ai, language, angst, OOC (I'm sure there's a spot or two somewhere)

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to the great Matsushita-sensei and if I butcher her name, it's out of love. Anti-Nostalgic is a song from Gravitation so that doesn't belong to me, either.

Notes: It's bad when you get confused and have to put all the title/author/note thingies in bold….

The main perspective is Tatsumi's, if you don't want to bother picking things out in this novel of notes I've written…though, if you don't read them at all, you'll be very confused…probably.

I don't know how long each part is actually going to be, but the whole thing is going to be long because basically everyone is telling the same course of events, but with different perspectives and whatnot. …I really hope it doesn't get boring, but I figured that this was the only way it could work the way I wanted it to. Besides, you'll get more insight on the different events that occur! …And I haven't found a story or fic that has a similar setup to this, so I'm a bit wary of doing it this way….

Italics are Hisoka's dream and what Hisoka/someone else was thinking/saying when it happened. Er, basically it's sort of the same thing…

==================== If you're confused, it's just little spiffers on the title/author thing and the ending notes….

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Again, for more confusion, this just separates different scenes

*~@~* Okay, this is the little divider thingy for the perspectives. It may seem confusing, but if you pay attention and read this, then it won't be ^_^

Everything is written in first person and divided by perspectives…Tatsumi's being the main, but everyone else being little sub-perspectives? And in those little sub-perspectives, the same series of events is told…only from the different perspectives. If you come across a fic or story with a similar setup, please tell me!

And please don't hate Watari!!!!!

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Anti-Nostalgic

By Elf Asato

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*~@~*

Hisoka

*~@~*

"Bon?"

The one day we decided to actually go to the pool, he was there. I had managed to avoid thinking about him throughout most of our vacation and things were going so well….

Why does he have to show up NOW?

Tsuzuki, who I suspected was completely oblivious, rushed over and greeted our co-worker, asking the same question I was thinking.

What is he doing here?

*~@~*

Kurosaki-kun stops his story again to lean over the table and glare at me. "Why didn't you tell Watari what hotel we were in? If you had, you know he wouldn't have stayed in the one we were at."

In truth, I never thought that Watari would stay in the same hotel they were in without realizing it, but yes, Kurosaki is right…. Perhaps this is why Watari's been acting so weird. To answer his question, I shrug and reply, "I didn't think it was important."

"You know, I should be mad at you," he states, slumping back into his chair with his arms crossed.

"And I should be mad at you for taking up my valuable time, but I'm not so life goes on."

He just scowls at me.

I think I like that.

*~@~*

Hisoka

*~@~*

Watari told us that he asked for a few days off and surprisingly enough, Kachou gave it to him and left you and 003 in charge of his area. He had no idea, though, that we were staying at the same hotel.

Tsuzuki, of course, was absolutely thrilled about this. I wasn't. At all. Not only was I still pissed at Watari for reading my journal (which I brought), but he was absolutely overflowing with guilt, though I wasn't able to pick out just why.

He actually invited Watari to go sightseeing with us the next day. I couldn't believe that he did that…. I did not want to be put in that situation with Watari. Tsuzuki was just lucky that I loved him.

I do love him…

…Right?

I spent the night tossing and turning - trying to figure things out. There was something about my love for Tsuzuki that just seemed…odd. I had no doubt in my mind that he really loved me…but how I felt….

I wasn't about to waste my vacation thinking of such trivial things {A/N: Yeah, like that's trivial}.

I have something good. I should just accept it.

Though sleep came easy after that, it wasn't so peaceful. I had the dream of the field of marigolds again, but this time they were all dead.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

"…'Soka-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

"…Wha…?"

Tsuzuki just flashed me a dazzling smile as we walked alongside Watari down the city streets, telling me how I'd been spacing out. With so many things on my mind, I couldn't help my mind wandering off a bit.

I've come to notice that when you need to think about something, you tend to get distracted easily, but when you don't want to think about something, it becomes the foremost thought in your mind.

It's either television or the Internet that's responsible for that. Maybe both. I haven't been able to decide.

I'd been spacing out again when Watari broke the news to me that Tsuzuki had become fed up with us and went to browse another antique shop. It's either the same antique shop he keeps going into or this city is absolutely full of them. For some reason, I think it's the former. But anyway, I knew Tsuzuki wasn't really fed up with us because I'd probably do the same thing if it were me.

Watari and I must be terrible company with his abnormal silence and me spacing out.

"Hey…you okay?" Watari's voice rings gently out of nowhere.

I resisted the urge to answer him and settled for scowling instead.

I'm such good company, I know.

…It was weird, though…because Watari didn't even look somewhat offended. He just gave me a gentle smile and that was it. All of his emotions were warm, yet neutral…and I couldn't feel a wall up….

And…just for a second there, I thought that maybe…just maybe I could trust him again…with all his gentleness…. Then another portion of me just smacked the living daylights out of the other one and reminded it exactly what that man had done to me.

Right. Remembering.

Bastard.

Breaking the terrible silence that had fallen between us, Tsuzuki emerged from the shop; only…he seemed to be a bit spacey as I was. Of course, I could certainly understand that. Antique shops probably bring back memories of his life…. That's probably why he likes them but…well, I'm not sure I like that….

I guess I'm just protective of him.

Though…this time…he must have seen something that brought back a particularly unpleasant memory because I could feel worry and subtle fear. It was like an overcast day….

I didn't want to say or do anything particularly embarrassing to comfort him with Watari there, but I did give him a comforting smile along with trying to shower him with affectionate emotions.

That seemed to work…because the clouds drew back and the sun came out - radiant and absolute.

In his renewed happiness, Tsuzuki managed to drag us into a largely overrated and greasy fast-food place and ordered to his heart's content. Neither Watari nor I really wanted anything so we stayed back a little while my partner sprouted an inu-tail and wiggled it around mercilessly.

But…

I didn't like being alone with…him…not one bit. Not after he betrayed me like that.

I know it's probably really stupid and I should just forgive him for reading my journal, but I don't think I ever could. Imagine going through your entire life and a little of your afterlife not being able to trust anyone. Now imagine finally being able to trust and open up your heart…and then being betrayed like that. I know it's stupid because I keep telling myself how stupid it is, and even though I never wrote anything truly personal in it, it still felt like he stabbed me in the back.

Dear lord, Tsuzuki is taking forever!

I managed to keep all my eye contact and concentration of my partner in front of me, but everything kept straying to see what Watari was doing. I tilted my head slightly to glance in his general direction nonchalantly, but he somehow caught my gaze with his own and we held it for several seconds before I abruptly broke it to stare back at Tsuzuki, who was finishing his order.

…Finally.

Tsuzuki just turned back to us with an armload of "food" that would give you a heart attack if you even so licked it and smiled brilliantly. It certainly did help ease up my tensions.

"Tsuzuki, you're going to die of a heart attack before you finish all that…"

"Yeah, but I'm already dead so I can keep on eating!"

I think he actually thought he had some logic there. Maybe he did. Who am I to judge what's logical anymore?

Watari just laughed at the two of us and smiled a true smile, but then he became oddly distant. It's not like I was concerned or anything, though. It was just an observation.

Though…it was like he knew something I didn't.

I hate it when people are like that. They act all high and regal just because they think they're better than you or because of your age. I'm not saying Watari's behavior was like that at all, but it's a worthy note. One of the reasons I hate Muraki so much (besides the obvious) is because of that.

To him, I'm nothing but a mere brat. A semi-good lay.

Not that I want to be anything more, mind you, but it's just that it annoys me.

Anyway, Tsuzuki was just a doll the entire day and Watari seemed content in silence. It's odd because he and Tsuzuki usually are more sociable with each other. Well, it's not like my partner didn't try, but the blond did seem a little unwilling. Though his emotions were very muted, I could still sense that guilt.

You'd think his entire life was a guilt trip from what he was feeling.

After we walked Watari back to his hotel room and were walking on to ours, Tsuzuki took my hand (we were holding hands…like an actual couple!) and walked a little with me. He gave my ear a little kiss (which I secretly loved!) and hugged me. Somehow, I think he was trying to butter me up…

"'Soka, you know, that dance is tomorrow night!"

What? …Oh yeah… "Really?"

"Uh huh! Do you still want to dance with me?"

Of course I did. I loved him, right? …And I said that, too.

He was all happy and inu-like which made me smile.

"You know, we have to practice!"

"…Why? It's not like a competition or anything…"

Though he didn't say anything, I got the feeling he didn't want me to fall flat on my face. Which, of course, is something I would never do…but according to Murphy's Law, is probably exactly what would have happened had we not prepared.

Without arguing, I found myself standing in our hotel room, feeling like an idiot, while my partner found a radio station with appropriate music. I didn't even know how to ballroom dance, which was exactly how Tsuzuki planned to do it, so you can imagine that feeling of inadequacy delicately poised in my heart. Though, all it took was a simple smile from him to make that feeling just flop over and die.

"Take my hand," he said as he held me close.

…And then we danced.

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~End of Part 1, Chapter 4~

Somehow, that ( ^ ) makes more sense…but anyway….

I don't know why, but the dead marigold part just creeped me out….

And I apologize for the supreme lateness of this! Argh, I've been busy…and "busyness" sucks! I'll try to procrastinate the things I need to do so I can get this out quicker… ^_^

I think that maybe I'm halfway done with Hisoka's part…but then I have three others! Argh! This is going at a snail's pace!! I need to get these out quicker! *sigh* This supreme lateness is just unacceptable!

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