Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monster GX Fan Fiction ❯ No Pairing Left Unmocked! ❯ JadenxChazz ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
A/N: I was originally planning to do JadenxAlexis this chapter, but I realized I actually have to read some more JadenxAlexis fics to see what all the cliches are. Therefore, I am going to do a pairing whose cliches I’m more familiar with...JadenxChazz!

Disclaimer: I don’t own GX, though sometimes I wish I could be on the writing staff to help fill in plotholes.



Drabble #2

JadenxChazz

It was a beautiful day at Duel Academy, and Chazz had just beaten a Random Faceless Opponent in a duel.

“Oh yeah, uh-HUH, who da man!” said Chazz in a quite un-Chazz-like manner as he swung his hips around in what was supposed to be a victory dance. Instead, it just had the effect of making all the guys in the audience horny.

“CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ IT UP!” they shouted while desperately trying to control their nosebleeds by pinching their noses shut.

Just then, storm clouds rolled in, covering the previously cloudless sky. Thunder rumbled ominously.

“Hey, what does a thunderstorm have to do with ‘Chazz it up’?” Jaden wondered out loud. Syrus shrugged in reply.

Suddenly, because some comic relief was needed, a bolt of lightning randomly struck Bastion on the head.

Fortunately, Bastion’s hair acted like a lightning rod, so he was not seriously hurt. But his hair was pretty messed up.

Everyone spent a good five minutes pointing at Bastion’s bad hair day and laughing, because it’s always so hilarious when bad stuff happens to him. But then, when the laughter finally died down and Bastion slunk away, people noticed something.

Chazz had disappeared.

Jaden immediately went to look for him. He just had this ominous feeling that Chazz might be sitting in the Slifer dorm, sobbing while carving the alphabet in his arm with a pocketknife. He didn’t know where he’d gotten that idea, though.

Nah, it was a silly idea-Chazz was too proud to do something like that!

Well, it couldn’t hurt to just go see.

------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------

A gruesome sight greeted Jaden when he got back to the dorm.

Chazz was sprawled on a bed in a tragic yet homoerotic way. One of his hands was holding a blood-stained pocketknife, and the other arm was turned in such a way that Jaden could read what had been cut into it with the knife:

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRS...

And that was all.

“Hey Chazz, where did the rest of the letters go?” Jaden asked.

Apparently, Chazz was more conscious than he had looked, since he promptly snapped, “I ran out of room on my arm, Slacker!”

“But couldn’t you put the rest of the letters on your other arm?”

“Well, it’s hard to think when you’re bleeding to death, Slacker! Hey, I like that word. I think I’ll say it some more. Slacker, Slacker, Slacker!”

Jaden blinked.

Just then, Chazz stopped repeating his new favorite word and said, “You know, I wasn’t kidding about the bleeding to death part. If you take me to the hospital now, we can get there just in time for me to be dying dramatically in your arms, only to be brought back from the brink of death with a defibrillator. And then I’ll be fine after about thirty minutes of resting.”

“Um...okay” Jaden said. He did as Chazz said, even though he wasn’t sure just what a defibrillator was.

------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------

ONE HOUR LATER

After Chazz had been brought back to life just how he had described it, the nurse conveniently stepped out of the room. This meant that Jaden and Chazz were alone in the room.

Jaden paused for a few minutes to let the camera zoom in on his face, then whispered, “Chazz...why did you do this to yourself?”

“It’s none of your business,” Chazz grumbled.

“Can you please tell me?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“NO!”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top and sugar on it?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you!”

After Chazz had been convinced via Jaden’s expert method of interrogation, he burst into dramatic and emo tears.

“The reason I tried to kill myself is...I was raped by every single male in this school except for you! And half of the girls too!” Chazz sobbed in a very uke-like way.

Jaden was shocked. Then something horrifying occurred to him.

“Chazz...when you say ‘every male in this school’, does that include Pharaoh?”

The traumatized look on Chazz’s face was more than enough for an answer.

Jaden pointed up at the ceiling while shouting, “NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” in his best Darth Vader voice.

“And that’s not all...” Chazz whimpered, “I also have a terminal case of throat cancer from smoking too much! The doctors say I only have three months to live. What’s more, the cancer is totally ruining my voice!”

Jaden replied, “Oh no! And here I was thinking that your voice sounded different because you got a new voice actor!”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.”

There was an awkward silence that lasted for quite a long time. Jaden noticed that the nurse was still conspicuously gone.

“Chazz...” he said seductively.

“NOW what, Slacker?”

“We’re all alone...guess what that means?”
“It means that the nurse is having a really long lunch break?”
“No, Chazz...it means we can have Magical Healing Sex (TM)!”

Chazz gave this offer deep thought for all of 1.9 seconds before cheerfully saying, “Okay!”

The Magical Healing Sex (TM) was so perfect that it healed EVERYTHING that was wrong with Chazz. It healed the trauma of being raped by every male on the island including Pharaoh, the wounds on his arm, and even his terminal throat cancer. And even if it hadn’t healed those things, they would have just become ignored one-time plot devices anyway.

Chazz, of course, was the uke. He’s always the uke, because the world would explode if it were any other way.

And, once again, everybody lived happily ever after (except for Bastion).

THE END

Chapter 1
Chapter 3
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